Polysaja Week Day 6: Angst/ Happy Ending
(This is something I sort of wanted to write for a while but never did so here goes! This is inspired by a couple angst stories I read and just my angst loving soul and is Baby focused because ftw I use favouritism. Also this is also human AU, have fun :P)
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS WEIGHT ISSUES, ANXIETY/ PANIC ATTACK SCENES AND A HOSPITAL VISIT (I am also not a doctor so take anything said with heaps of salt.)
Baby looked at himself in the mirror as various members of staff fluttered between him and his five boyfriends. The bags under his eyes covered with make up, his skinny form covered in an oversized jumper and his sadness hidden by his cold effortless mask. He could hear Abby laughing and joking with Romance, Jinu reminding them to be on their game tonight, Romance trying not to laugh while someone finished his makeup. The only one who was silent like him was Mystery; the only one who seemed to notice something wrong with his youngest boyfriend.
“Baby, are you okay?” Mystery asked softly, taking one of the blue haired boys hands in his own.
“I’m fine.” Baby replied without even hesitating.
He wasn’t fine. He hadn’t been sleeping. He hadn’t been eating. He spent every day trapped in a spiral of worries and anxiety, not that any of his four boyfriends had noticed. The other four had been spending most of their time with Huntrix: the three girls and The Saja Boys going on tour together next year. They had all been told to get closer, not only to gain public interest but to build chemistry for when they all performed together.
Baby had also tried to build friendship with the girls, god he had tried so hard but he just couldn’t click with any of the three. Instead he just got shut down or came off as really harsh so he just stopped trying and shut himself away alone. The anxiety of the girls hating him, while all of his boyfriends were constantly gone, ruined his appetite, his sleep routine and any stability he used to have. He had lost weight from skipping meals, he was tired from all the sporadic naps he had been taking and he felt more self-conscious than ever. Hell, he hadn’t ever felt this nervous about performing in front of the fans before today.
“5 minutes guys!” The producer called out ushering the boys out of the dressing room and to the backstage area.
Five minutes felt like five seconds as mics were set up, ear pieces were put in and any final checks were made. Baby almost jumped when a hand gently grabbed his shoulder. The smaller boy looked up to see Abby smiling down at him, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze, slightly calming his nerves.
Then their names were called. Fans cheered. Lights lit up the stage. Baby followed his boyfriend's lead, walking onto the stage with his usual cute persona. He used finger hearts and cute pouts as they all greeted the fans. His voice came out fine when he introduced himself even though he felt his throat tightening with each word he got out.
Even when the five of them moved to get into position for the start of Soda Pop he felt sick, his mind torn between trying to slow his rapid breathing and remembering to stay in character while dancing.
The music started and his body moved from muscle memory alone, trying to keep his cutesy persona in place while he felt his body start to shake. Luckily for the first half of the performance he was at the back, his slightly shaky movements and rapid breathing going unnoticed until the first chorus started to end which would lead into the panicking boy’s rap solo.
As the four boys parted for him to take centre stage things took a turn for the worse. Baby’s vision blurred and spun. His throat went dry and it felt like he couldn’t get enough air. He felt his body shake all over, his joints locking up on him as he froze in the middle of the stage.
His four boyfriends also froze for a moment as their bandmate missed his cue, his usual cutesy persona replaced with someone wracked with fear and panic. Before anyone could call for a break or take charge of the situation Baby’s legs buckled and he collapsed onto the stage in a heap. All four boys visibly flinched as the boy's body slammed into the stage floor hard, Abby the first to leap to his boyfriend's aid.
Baby wasn’t fully conscious, but his body still shook. He still kept gasping for air like he couldn’t breath, sweat covering his pale face.
Abby swore under his breath and lifted Baby in his arms, carrying him off stage, Mystery following with obvious panic.
Jinu quickly turned to the fans of the concert, putting on a sad smile and spitting out some excuses before he and Romance also left the stage to follow the other three.
It was only with the smaller blue boy in his arms that Abby actually realised how light he was, how he felt each vertebrae of the boys spine. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed how much weight he’d lost, or how tired he looked now they were up close. How had this all happened without any of them noticing?
“Put him down please.” One of the medical staff ordered Abby, struggling to even see the smaller boy due to Abby’s height.
Abby begrudgingly did as he was told, tears in his eyes as he lowered his small frail boyfriend onto the floor. Mystery stood behind the pink haired man, staring at Baby like he couldn’t believe this was happening. The lilac haired boy kept telling himself that this was a nightmare, that Baby would never collapse on stage like that but yet he wasn’t waking up.
The two watched as the medical team fussed over the small idol, trying to figure out what was wrong with him. The girl from earlier looking up at Abby to ask questions for the smaller boy's safety.
“When was the last time he ate?” She asked, concern on her face as they removed Baby’s thick jumper.
Abby wracked his brain for an answer going through the last couple of days. This morning Baby had woken up late so he didn’t actually have breakfast, just a coffee. When they got to the venue there were snacks on offer so he would’ve thought Baby would have eaten them but he didn’t actually see if the younger boy did or not. Last night the four of them had gone out for dinner with Huntr/x without Baby, the latter claiming he wasn’t going despite Jinu’s protests. That means that the last time he actually saw Baby eat was when he ate a small bowl of cereal yesterday lunch time. That can’t be the last time he actually ate right? He must have eaten something after that. He must have.
“I saw him eat yesterday at lunch time, but he must’ve eaten something today. We just didn’t see it.” Abby insisted, though he felt doubt creeping in when the medics lifted up Baby’s top to listen to his heart.
The boy's pale skin was thinly stretched over each rib, a huge flat expanse where his stomach was, the skin slightly dipping inwards as if nothing were underneath.
“Did he drink any water before you guys went on?” She asked, ignoring Abby’s visible pain and surprise.
“I didn’t see him drink any.” Mystery replied quietly when Abby failed to respond. The pink haired man zoning out due to the shock of everything, he barely even noticed when Jinu and Romance appeared at his side, the latter of the two with tears in his eyes.
“We need to get an IV in him for liquids and get him to the hospital imediatley.” The lady announced turning back to Baby.
“What’s wrong with him?” Jinu asked, looking stressed as they moved Baby from the floor onto a stretcher.
“He’s severely underweight and when he started to panic his heart was working overtime without any reserves.” The lady replied curtly. “Honestly with how small he looks he probably would’ve passed out sooner or later throughout your performance anyway.”
All four boys felt their hearts drop and guilt sink into them; they had let this happen on their watch. Sure they had known he was being more bratty than usual, more avoidant but none of them had looked into it they just wrote it off as Baby being Baby.
“Unfortunately there’s only room for one, maybe two of you in the ambulance and whoever it is needs to get a move on.” The lady told them before turning towards said vehicle, Baby already being wheeled away.
It was a few hours later that Baby finally gained consciousness, four anxious boyfriends sat around his bed. He felt before anything else, felt sore, felt uncomfortable, felt two different warm clammy hands in each of his. Opening his eyes was harder, his eyelids twitching a few times before he was able to finally open them. The first thing he saw being a white ceiling above him, the steady beep of the heart monitor being the only clue to where he was.
“He’s awake.” Someone said softly, catching everyone else's attention.
Baby cringed slightly as he felt the attention of his boyfriends on him, two of said boyfriends leaning over him and coming into view.
“Darling how are you feeling?” Romance asked, concern etched onto his features, his free hand gently brushing stray hands from the younger boys forehead.
“I’m fine.” Baby replied on autopilot, his voice cracking and hoarse.
“Yeah last time you said that you passed out barely a minute later, stop lying to us.” Mystery scolded softly, a small pout on his face that made Baby feel more guilty for what he had done.
“I didn’t mean to worry you guys…” Baby insisted, not looking any of them in the eye and trying to sit up a bit.
“Well you did.” Jinu said, his voice soft and even. “In fact you more than worried us, you scared us and made us realise we’ve not been there for you like we should’ve.”
Before Baby even had time to reply Abby cut in, his face more serious than usual. “You’ve not been eating, you’ve been spending more time alone and none of us even bothered to check in on you. We were too busy preparing for our tour with Huntrix to even notice how bad things had gotten.”
“We’ve been terrible boyfriends.” Romance agreed, tears already forming in his brown eyes again.
“But why didn’t you come to us?” Mystery asked, wrapping both his hands round one of Baby’s. “You know we all love you and would help you with anything right?”
Baby frowned at his lilac haired boyfriend's words; it was true he should’ve gone to any of the four of them and explained his feelings instead of hiding away but he didn’t. The room seemed to silence as everyone waited for his response, the young boy trying to find the words to explain his feelings.
“I didn’t want to ruin anything.” He finally replied, trying to hold back his own tears. “I know we were supposed to be creating a positive relationship with the girls but I was having so much trouble. I come off as such an asshole all the time and I could tell they hated it and I did too but I just kept fucking it all up. It got so bad that I just couldn’t keep trying so I just decided to hide and avoid it all, let you guys do it without me as you were doing such a better job. But no matter what I did I just kept thinking about how much I fucked up, about how I was going to bring down the whole tour because I’m not even good enough to make friends with the girls.”
“Woah, woah, woah, Baby it’s okay.” Romance softly told the turquoise haired boy, his long fingers gently wiping at the tears falling down his pale face. “ First of all never say you're not good enough, you are more than good enough I promise you that sweetheart.” Romance told him, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead.
“Secondly, the girls don’t hate you at all.” Jinu continued. “Zoey was always asking when she’d next get to see you and Mira thinks you're a badass which is high praise coming from her.”
“Thirdly, whether they like you or not you’re not ruining anything.” Mystery added with a soft smile he only reserved for those he loved the most. “If someone doesn’t like the brilliant gorgeous little chaos gremlin you are then fuck them, we can tour without them, their loss not ours.”
“And finally we all fucked up, you didn’t speak up to us sure but the fact we didn’t notice was a huge fuck up on our part.” Abby finally piped up. “So by those standards you owe us one meal of our choice and then we owe you five meals of your choice; basically four nights at that local ramen joint you love so much.”
“Make it three nights there and one night at the barbeque restaurant down the road.” Baby croaked, giving a small smile.
“Deal.” Abby replied, ruffling the smaller boy's hair.
“Fuck off you big oaf.” Baby whined, swatting at Abby's arm even though a smile was clear on his face.
The boys let out a couple chuckles, happy that the tension was finally easing and that everything was now out in the open.
“Baby.” Jinu said softly, gaining his boyfriend's attention once more. “Next time you come to any of us, okay, no matter the problem, no matter how small or big you think it is, we’re here for you.”
“Okay Hyung.” Baby replied.
“I love you.” Jinu said with a small smile, leaning forward to place a kiss on the small boys head.
“Love you too.” Baby mumbled trying to hide his blush.
The door suddenly swung open making the boys flinch turning their head to see Huntrix standing in the doorway.
“Babyyyy!” Zoey practically wailed, running into the room and nudging her way between the boys to his side. “Are you okay?! I was so worried when I heard what happened!”
“Sorry to intrude so suddenly.” Rumi replied, carrying some pretty blue and purple flowers in her arms. “Zoey insisted that we come to see him and make sure he’s okay.”
“I told you he would be fine.” Mira announced trying not to look bothered even though she too was holding back tears on the way over. “He’s a tough one.”
“If you need anything you let me know okay?” Zoey continued, holding one of Baby’s hands against her chest. “Anything you ever need, you’re best rap buddies got you!”
Baby couldn’t help but sheepishly smile at the sobbing girl, trying not to burst out laughing at how worried she was. Maybe Huntrix liked him more than he thought after all.
