Paisley's Meadow

Writing Dump that No One Cares About

[paisleysmeadow]

If anyone ever actually asked me to hang out, I promise I’d bring drinks, and chip in for food, and not talk very much, you could talk about whatever you wanted and we could do whatever you want. 

[paisleysmeadow]

“Sit down.” “No.” “Sit down.” “No, I need to do laundry.” “Sit down.” “Fine.” “You’re so fucking lazy. You can’t even do simple chores.” “I’m just sitting down for a second.” “No you’re not. You know you want to stay here for the rest of the day, staring at your phone and doing nothing like a lazy slob.” “But I’m not going to.” “Yes, you are.” “I need to work out.” “Yes you do, fat ass.” “I should go for a walk.” “You don’t want to do that. It’s hot outside.” “But I do.” “No, stay in bed where it’s comfortable.” “But my friend invited me to the gym.” “The gym? Oh my God, you don’t actually want to go there, do you? You can barely walk without tripping. You can’t even do a push up. Imagine all those people watching you turn red and sweaty. You’ll look disgusting.Just like in gym class, when everyone talked about you and stared. You’ll look even uglier than usual.” “But if I work out, maybe I’ll look better.” “Losing all the weight in the world can’t change your face.” “Ok.” “Why don’t you just do it?” “No.” “It wouldn’t be hard.” “No.” “it would finally be quiet.” “...” “No.” But the worse part is that this isn’t some other entity or voice following me about and telling me these things. If it was, I am amazingly good at ignoring what other people think about me. It’s me. I’m the one telling myself this every day. And it hurts.

[paisleysmeadow]

“Follow your dreams. Do what you want to do.”

BITCH I DON”T KNOW WHAT THAT IS

When I was younger, I had a hard time believing people really wanted to talk to me at lunch, let alone hire me for a job or think that I’m good enough to do actual real important things. I was scared to cook or do chores because I was so clumsy or inattentive, I would always break things, or make a mess, or do something wrong. I was scared to talk to waiters or ask for help at grocery stores. I would break into tears asking someone to open a display case. I couldn’t see myself being able to interact with people or hold a job. My dreams? I dreamed about waking up as someone else, someone who wasn’t so ugly, and had friends, and nice clothes. The me I was then didn’t think she was capable of anything involving dreams. She had to be someone else to accomplish that, and that wasn’t possible, so what the fuck then. I didn’t think I was smart enough or had enough money to go to school and be a doctor or fucking whatever. And waking up in the morning was hard enough sometimes before “dreams” came into play. Honestly, back then what sounded nice is working some dead-end job that would at least be consistent and having control over my money and my life and not having to worry about bills and mortgages and foreclosures that I had no control over. Not having kids and fucking them up like my parents did, just living in a shitty place all by myself with a few cats or something. Really that’s not far away from what I want to do now lol. 

[paisleysmeadow]

I can’t pay attention in my classes. It feels like my heads constantly swimming 50 feet underwater and I can’t stop swimming, can’t stop swimming, and everything around me is just a blur I’m going to forget as soon as I pass it. I tried to go to the school counseling center, to get tested for ADHD, anxiety, something. I want to fix this numbness in my skull. The constant throbbing. But they had a waiting list 6 months long and I left crying, thinking that maybe I wouldn’t last till then.  I made an appointment with a private therapist, but it’s a month from now, and when the days switch between normal? Normal? Is this normal? and I don’t wanna be here, I don’t wanna be here, Idon’twannabeherehelphelphelp before I even know what’s happening, a month can be a long time. And I tried to figure out my insurance, but I still don’t know how much it’s going to cost. If it’s too much, I can’t do it. I don’t have the money. I can’t ask my family; my parents can’t afford it, and my grandma doesn’t seem to take me seriously when I bring it up. Even now, I’m trying to use a crisis chat line, but it has to be online because I won’t be able to talk over the phone, plus my roommates might here me, and I’ve been waiting for about an hour and every time it’s my turn, it doesn’t work and just starts over. There’s not even room for me there.  Everything is telling me that I can’t get help, I can’t fix myself, I’m not going to get better. I should just do it.  God, I’ve wanted to do it since I was 14, why haven’t I. 

[paisleysmeadow]

It’s Here

Never before has the thought been so present and clear in my mind.Usually it exists only on the very outskirts; a whisper, a passing thought, only paid attention to on the worst of days.

Now it has come and planted its feet firmly in the soil. It has built a settlement, it has surrounded itself with a high fence that nothing can climb, and it tells me that it's only going to get bigger. What am I to do when the settlement turns city, when there is nothing in my head but the thought of it? When my mind has been gentrified by the crumbling grayness, am I supposed to pretend like it's not clogging my veins and filling my mouth with cotton?

My mouth is gagged and I cannot scream and I long for the day that I can't breathe anymore.  They tell me to get help, but the concrete in my veins is heavy and it's dragging me down. It tells me that it'll be quiet when it's over. I want it to be quiet.

It tells me the only way to get rid of the heaviness in my blood is to drain it. The only way to stop the quivering in my breath is to stop breathing. I know it's right. 

[432hzvibes]

shoulder tap

standing in the sun reminiscing.  what did you do to me?

out of sight, no– out of matter, you ceased to exist and i don’t know how i erased you from my mind as if i dropped all your files into the bin, and right-clicked empty.

maybe that’s what i’m afraid of, glancing into the rear-view –

being seduced into a U-turn but not this time.

i closed that chapter for good.  and not only that,

i burned that fucking book down.  

check out my new patreon page! show love by supporting for just $1 so I can keep doing what I’m doing. https://www.patreon.com/blackisthenewblack Thank you for the support!

[clarys]

mother earth is literally committing suicide right now and y'all still think climate change is a hoax

[engel-tier-deactivated20180213]

It ain’t suicide. She’ll live on after this, she’s just killing all of us off.

[space-guts-and-mutts]

thank God. I wholeheartedly support her decision

[non-bender-world]

Whenever i see Aang i just feel alright for a brief moment.

[non-bender-world]

[non-bender-world]

Reblog this again.

[jomeimei421]

My grades are up my skin is clear and the world is pure once more

[teganfeatsara-deactivated202106]

[loismacgiver-deactivated2018061]

[mrrrl]

[stanford-pines]

okay so theres an episode of whats new scooby doo where the gang goes home on valentines day, and i guess the studio really wanted to avoid the implication that daphne and fred were sleeping together because daphne and velma live together and fred lives with shaggy and scooby 

but that attempt at avoiding anything risque backfired spectacularly because now it just seems like daphne and velma are a comfortably domestic couple and fred is trying to learn how to live with his boyfriends over excitable and really hungry great dane

[jabonion-deactivated20240130]

It’s far cuter like this anyway.

[leapyearfrog-deactivated2022103]

[cloudstreamer-deactivated201710]

OOOOOOOOOOOOH SNAP

[gaydaphne-blog]

CANON

[lacrimalis]

i don’t have a source for this just a gut feeling, but doesn’t everyone in the gang call him “freddie” at some point? which would imply that the entire gang is poly and dating

[ignitiondorks]

If any group in pop culture is poly, it’s definitely the errant kids from the 60s with a groovy hippie van

[mbtipartyblog]

okay, 

scooby said ‘’ruh roh’’ 

shaggy said ‘’zoinks’’

velma said ‘’jinkies’’

daphne said ‘’jeepers’’

what did fred say

[userformerlyknownaspartyclowns]

fred says Fuck

[mbtipartyblog]

[paisleysmeadow]

He says "okay gang" or "let's split up" jfc

[creepyuncledon-deactivated20180]

[theartofanimation]

Zoe Persico  -  http://zobobafoozie.deviantart.com  -  https://twitter.com/zobobafoozieart  -  https://www.facebook.com/zoepersicoillustration  -  http://zobobafoozie.tumblr.com  -  https://www.instagram.com/zobobafoozie  -  https://es.pinterest.com/zobobafoozie/boards

[disneydorito]

View this post on Instagram

[valykas-deactivated20190916]

This is amazing

[fartproducer-deactivated2026013]

Ok but how did they make it look like he was driving

[surprisebitch]

this deserves an academy award nomination

[mairzymarzipan]

i don’t think people understand that people can ‘love’ you and not actually love you

like my grandmother ‘loved’ me, but she also was always trying to change me.  she tried to take me away from my (catholic bisexual) mother.  she made me wear dresses when i was there.  she always tried to get me to go to church and was always asking me if i was dating a boy yet

i spent years feeling guilty that i wasn’t what she wanted me to be until my mom told me one day “she never bothered to know the real you”

and it’s true.  any time i tried to show her something about myself, even cook for her, it would be dismissed, and a replacement would be offered.  even northern food was somehow a sin.  

she loved me what she thought i should be, she never loved me.  

bc people who love you, they love you for all the stuff that makes you you.  they never consider that it makes you inconvenient.

[cameoappearance]

“It was true: the other mother loved her. But she loved Coraline as a miser loves money, or a dragon loves its gold.“

Loving someone like a prized possession is a very different thing from loving someone like a person you care about.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

THIS THO

This is so true…

[neilcicierega]

[thesylverlining]

what happened in roughly 1870 though

why was there temporary internet

with a few people searching for pokemon?

[tacticalskirt]

It’s a search of Google books, but the question still stands, what the Fuck happened in 1870

[solongasitswords]

I CAN ANSWER THIS!!

In the Cornish dialect of English, Pokemon meant ‘clumsy’ (pure coincidence).

In the mid 1800s there was a surge of writing about the Cornish language and dialect in an attempt to preserve them with glossaries and dictionaries being written. I wrote about it HERE.

[bookshop]

I just love that this post happened to find the ONE HUMAN ON THE INTERNET who had the answer to this question

[theartofanimation]

Andrew Ferez  -  http://25kartinok.com  -  http://25kartinok.blogspot.com.es  -  https://es-la.facebook.com/andrey.ferez  -  https://ello.co/ferez