₊ ⊹ paledyingrose ꫂ ၴႅၴ⊹ ࣪ ˖

her love is a rose, pale and dying she/her <3 ao3 tiktok

[paledyingrose]

welcome!

hi!! this is my little archive where i talk about the fics i'm writing :)

currently working on two fics: a world war 2 AU and hunger games AU, both shane/ ilya.

i will be posting snippets, random thoughts, and updates here! i love talking about my stories with you guys, so please feel free to share any thoughts or send asks <3

you can read everything here: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paledyingrose/works

[paledyingrose]

one all-nighter and several hand cramps later, chapter 21 is here!

i'm barely awake, so i'll leave you with a short snippet :)

~

Ilya wondered if Hollander would be married by then.

The mere thought was so unbearable that he sat up at once and reached toward the nightstand where he’d left the bottle earlier, taking several swigs before he slammed it back down and threw himself onto the pillow again.

He shouldn’t care.

He didn’t care.

Hollander could do whatever he wanted.

Ilya absolutely did not fucking care.

He closed his eyes and curled into a ball, burrowing into the mattress, hoping that if he repeated that sentiment enough times to himself he would wake up tomorrow and actually believe it.

He felt himself begin slipping into unconsciousness a minute later, and a part of him almost forced himself to stay awake, because he knew the nightmares would wake him up again soon anyway.

But he was too tired to fight very hard.

One final thought passed through his mind before the darkness finally took him.

None of those girls could ever understand him the way I do.

~

yeah! goodnight!

:3

[paledyingrose]

guys i'm currently in writing flow state please say a prayer that it actually lasts before the words shrivel up in my brain and i end up staring at my google doc for three hours without writing a single word again

[omens-of-what-is-to-cum]

shane hollander is literally so lucky Chappell only got big in 2024 because if in 2014 he heard "knee deep in the passenger seat and you're eating me out, is it casual now?"

dude. he would start vibrating at a frequency that renders him invisible to all but the eyes of those fucked up shrimp.

and if in 2016 he heard GOOD LUCK BABE??? "when you wake up next to him her in the middle of the night, with your head in your hands you're nothing more then his her wife husband, and when you think about me, all of those years ago, you know I hate to say it but I TOLD YOU SO?????" MOTHERFUCKER there would be CARNAGE I think it would cause a legit mental break I think he would go on a rampage and kill people

[paledyingrose]

i mean this so respectfully…there’s always the option to dnf a fanfic instead of hating on the author🙂

[paledyingrose]

someone explain the science behind hating words of endearment irl like god forbid my partner calls me a pet name (apart from like ONE but in another language because english ones make me cringe idk) yet online whenever i reply to my reader’s comments i’m like oh my cookie honey angel pie sweethearts or whatever and i find it totally sans cringe

anyway, lmk

[paledyingrose]

everyone who left a comment on chapter 20 saying you're excited for the next one ngl you guys are probably going to wish this one stayed in the drafts because FUCK i just started writing it and im already in pain

[paledyingrose]

what stage of psychosis would you guys consider being me writing a song for my hunger games fic? lmk

mind you it took an outrageously long time because unfortunately i do not possess a talent for lyricism and i almost gave up on the idea entirely but ANYWAY i suppose i was momentarily possessed by the spirit of lucy gray. also sejanus baby you are HAUNTINNGGGG that narrative

[paledyingrose]

chapter 20, “legacy” is out!

guys i locked IN to update every fic this weekend im going into hibernation BUT before i do here’s a snippet <3

~

The food was probably excellent, but he didn’t taste any of it.

When he was done, his jaw ached slightly. He set his fork down on the plate, staring at the rice he’d left behind for a moment, then pushed his chair back and stepped away from the table.

He crossed the train car, fully intending to retire to his room for the night—but then his gaze caught on the dessert table in the corner.

There was a tower with little cakes arranged carefully on every level, several bowls of fruit dusted with sugar, and a plate holding a variety of cookies beside it.

Shane stared at them for exactly three seconds before he turned abruptly and walked out of the train car.

No, he told himself firmly. He had already eaten enough to sustain himself. He did not need anything else, and he certainly did not need some ridiculous Capitol dessert that was probably made with more sugar than any reasonable person should consume in a year, let alone in one serving.

He did not want a cookie.

But when he reached the door of his room several minutes later and collapsed on the too-soft bed, he realized that it was a lie.

He did want a cookie.

He wanted a cookie so fucking bad.

~

“ROSE WHY THE LONG GAME QUOTE” you scream in protest

because i’m evil. that’s why <3

[paledyingrose]

ok hi its 1 am and im working on chapter 8 and whenever i write btl i always go back and look at previous chapters to add snippets from the past into the present (im a hoe for a repeat, not sorry) and i stumbled across this moment right now that i totally forgot about in book 1

~

Ilya opened his palm, and looked down.

A gold chain glinted at him, and at the end of it, hung a small crucifix– the Russian Orthodox cross, with its slanted footrest and crossbeams etched in fine, careful lines.

For a moment, neither of them spoke.

Ilya unstuck his tongue from the roof of his mouth.

“Thank you. It is beautiful.”

He knew it had belonged to his mother, but he hadn’t seen her wear it since long before they had left Russia.

“I want you to always have a piece of me with you," she said, reaching over to tuck a stray curl behind Ilya’s ear. "Even when we are apart, I am always by your side."

He looked at her again. 

“Thank you,” he murmured. 

She smiled softly again, and it almost met her eyes this time.

She held out her hand, and he placed the necklace back in her palm. She motioned for him to turn around, and fastened the clasp at the back of his neck. 

Feeling her arms around him once more, Ilya leaned back into her warmth. 

They spent a few moments like that, embracing each other. 

Ilya broke the silence first.

“Please don’t ever leave me in a world without you in it,” he whispered.

His mother didn’t speak for a moment. 

“I won’t, Ilyushka,” he heard her say eventually. “Not if I can help it.”

~

and now im sick. goodnight. im closing my computer.

the fuck is wrong with me seriously. i barely even remember writing this

[writers-bane]

How it feels to finally string 5 coherent sentences together after a writing block

[paledyingrose]

shower thought but sometimes when i’m out in public i wonder what the odds are of someone around me secretly being a fanfic writer. like personally irl i seem like the last person you would ever expect to be publishing yaoi on ao3 religiously so there is truly no possibility i wont consider but anyway i digress

i wonder what you guys think i look like. hopefully outrageously sexy and mysterious or you’re ending up on my block list

[paledyingrose]

is today opposite day??

guys... i actually did it.

i finally started writing a fic fully intending there to be—brace yourselves now—NO ANGST.

gasp! who is she? are skinwalkers actually, in fact real? did one taken over ms. paledyingrose's (extremely sexy and breathtaking, thank you) form while she slept last night??

ok fine joke's over that was not funny at all. sorry. ANYWAY, chapter one of the dirty dancing AU i mentioned several posts ago is up!

hungry eyes by paledyingrose on ao3 ;))

and yes, i know, the name is so deeply thought-provoking and original, thank you, it truly took me hours to think of it. my mind is such an intricate vortex of ideas. (and don't be fooled, the ~4k works on ao3 with that exact same title are proof, damn it!)

alas i am a basic bitch at heart and why be nit-picky when it fits perfectly? so, enjoy!! i had so much fun writing this <33

a snippet ofc:

~

Rozanov muttered something under his breath in Russian then, and Svetlana slapped his chest lightly. 

“Prekrati!” she hissed, turning back toward Shane with a sympathetic smile. “Sorry. Ilya is a little…difficult, sometimes.”

Shane looked directly at Rozanov then.

“I’ve noticed,” he said evenly, relishing the faint surprise that flashed through Rozanov’s expression.

Svetlana laughed, ignoring the look Rozanov gave her, and then the song crackling from the record player changed into something snappier.

“Oh, Ilya, come on!” she exclaimed, handing the cigarette back to Cliff and yanking at his sleeve. “You love this one.”

Rozanov sighed, but the fondness in it was clear. “Fine.”

He fake saluted Cliff, ignored Hayden completely, and glanced at Shane one more time before he finally allowed himself to be pulled onto the dance floor.

Then, so quickly Shane would have missed it if he’d blinked, Rozanov reached over, snatched the beer from Shane’s hand, downed the rest of it, and handed him back the empty bottle with a wink.

“Nice to meet you, Shane!” Svetlana called over her shoulder as she led Rozanov to the center of the room, who was grinning widely now.

Shane watched in disbelief as Rozanov immediately yanked her toward him by the waist, hooking one of her legs around his hips. She locked her arms around his neck to keep herself steady, allowing him to spin her around, completely unbothered by the fact that her skirt was bunched up to her upper thigh now.

He tossed her easily into the air, his smile widening as she threw her head back and giggled in delight, catching her again a moment later. One of his hands shifted automatically to support her back then, and he bent forward to lower her almost to the ground, their faces so close together now that their noses were brushing.

They both moved so fluidly, so naturally, that Shane—despite the fact that watching them felt like he was intruding on something he shouldn’t be—couldn’t help but stare, slightly fascinated.

“They look great together,” he said absently. Cliff followed his line of sight, then let out a laugh.

“I know, right? You’d think they were a couple, wouldn’t you?”

Shane gave him a surprised look. “Are they not?”

Cliff shook his head, taking a sip of his beer. “Nah. Not since they were kids.”

Shane watched as Rozanov lifted Svetlana up so that her knees rested on his shoulders, her hands running through her hair as he supported her weight, and found that extremely hard to believe.

The other dancers began whistling then, moving aside to give her and Rozanov the floor. Svetlana began swinging her skirt from side-to-side in time with the beat, smiling from ear to ear. Rozanov seemed to be completely unbothered by the fabric hitting his face, or that she was basically straddling it.

Shane looked away at once when Rozanov dropped her down, catching her easily, and sank slightly to his knees while she continued moving in front of him, his face practically buried in the front of her dress.

The whistling and cheering grew even louder.

Hayden noticed Shane’s discomfort, and shoved his shoulder lightly. “What? Getting to be too much for you, hockey boy?”

“No,” Shane said quickly, even though he knew his face was betraying him. “I just wasn’t expecting…”

He trailed off, because there was absolutely no way to finish that sentence without sounding exactly like the prude they had already been making fun of him for being.

“What?” Cliff prompted. “An after-dinner show?”

That, quite possibly, might have been the mildest way to put the performance being put on several feet away.

~

MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH YUMYUM YUM

[paledyingrose]

people think this fanfic writing shit is a fun hobby for me little do they know i hide in the supply closet during my shifts at work to quickly type out a line that occurred to me in the middle of doing compressions or something

[fellshish]

a fic comment can really hold you and cradle you like a baby

[paledyingrose]

writing a layered plot is so fun until i have to think of names for the ocs and then i genuinely just exit out of my google doc

[paledyingrose]

the sneakest of peeks at chapter 20 with no context

"War, apparently, had the power to change a man so quietly that he didn’t even notice what was happening to him until it was already too late. It buried its stinger into his subconscious like a venomous wasp, poisoning him slowly until everything it touched distorted into one, brutal all-encompassing thing.

Fear."

~

well! anyway