scientist/artist/chaos || 18+ || doing my utmost to dance on the line || my art -> #pandaboy arts || and other stuff inbetween, trying to tag accordingly
this blog is mostly just me ranting about my personal life and my current fixations. to me it reads like a weirdly spaced out diary that sends me down memory lane whenever i scroll ////
--please mute/block the tag #egg is venting if you dont want to see me scream my frustrations into the void -- or simply follow my art tag #pandaboy arts instead of following this blog if you care about that
disclaimer: if you follow me and i dont follow back, its 99% of the time because i curate my dash to be ST only and youre reblogging other stuff too. so, as the poets say: its not you, its me (most likely anyway)
//reblogs go here because i am selfish -> @pandas-hdd
//least personal ST-related art goes here -> pandaboy_arts
2026-04-30: PSA if you thirst in my rb tags about real people i might block you depending on how severe the thirsting is and how i feel that day. its nothing personal, not really. it just gets to a point where it grosses me out and im so tired of it. in general, im so fucking tired of everything and i dont need more to add to it if you feel me? i add to my blocked tags/muted words almost daily and i wonder if my dash will ever reach equilibrium. stick around to find out and watch me descend more into madness with every passing day. i fucking love sleep token. take care
2026-03-25: more exhausted than ever and its only getting worse. will i post fanart in 2026? who fucking knows honestly. my love for the band and their music has only grown but so has my exhaustion and at this rate im not sure what will happen if i dont find The Vitamin.
2025-12-11: still alive somehow. working on art while getting more into halo lore and killing it in hades II. kinda put off by fan spaces atm but if you need me, hmu anytime
2025-12-03: got surgery tomorrow even though i caught a cold and its not helping my anxiety in the slightest. was nice knowing you all (preemtive apologies to whoever has to jump in and do the gift exchange piece in my place in case i dont show up again)
2025-11-21: knee still fucked, specialist appointment for that in january; moving to my new flat end of november; top surgery planned for start of december; looking forward to working on the gift exchange and hopefully getting some more sleeptober prompts done before the end of the year; votes are very split on if i should buy the MCC but i might just wait for a steam sale actually; wish i had time to breathe inbetween all of that
2025-11-01: current tldr is: knee fucked, glad i got tour sketches done, working on remaining sleeptober prompts, tempted to buy the master chief collection
2025-09-15: back among the living to annoy you guys some more and beyond excited for the rituals and sleeptober :>
2025-09-13: getting knee surgery on monday. if i dont show up again i just want to say that i appreciate everyone here who welcomed me into this fan community with open arms last year. its been an exciting learning experience and im glad i got to share this space with you all. thank you for your support. already done inktober drawings are queued up. sleep token has given me everything and i will never be able to express my gratitude towards them properly. take care everyone
2025-04-05: will do my best to keep the freak show talk to a minimum on this blog. i appreciate all your support and the kind words you have given me so generously over the past year. you have helped me immensely and i am ever grateful. im sure there will still be vent posts in-between but the main bulk of them will be moved somewhere else going forward. im sorry for not separating things from the beginning, that wasnt fair of me. my art is still deeply connected to me and i dont think i will ever be able to change that but i totally get that seeing me completely crashing out over whatever is bothering me at a certain moment in time isnt fun. my vent posts tend to be very emotionally charged, i need to get the thoughts out so i can calm down, re-read and reflect on things. so the first post might not represent what i end up thinking about a certain topic afterwards (if that makes any sense). and with so many people seeing it, just the act of putting these things out there adds another layer of guilt onto me. dont get me wrong, i appreciate you all being here, im glad i can make art you enjoy (assuming thats why youre here since i cant really offer anything else). but i dont want to bother you with my shit any longer. thank you for being here, despite everything
2025-04-04: funny how the thing that made me want to live now makes me want to curl up and die. im not sure how to get over it all. maybe time can dull the pain but right now its unbearable. wish i could apologize in a way that matters for things i have not done
2025-02-07: the new year is continuing the trend of "nothing goes according to my plans ever" which is not ideal to say the least; regardless i am grateful that i get to be here with all of you wonderful souls
2024-11-02: i think its about time i wrote something different here. its been almost half a year since i posted that ii fanart that served as my entry into the sleep token fandom on here and holy shit. i still have a hard time dealing with everyone being so nice ;_; thank you for letting me exist in this shared space. never change yall
2024-06-07: anyway, i recently got into eep token and i like looking at gif sets (sue me) so i decided that I want to be more active on here. maybe even get into drawing again?? lots of inspiration and no time im sure you know how it is
talked to my therapist again and she told me to get tested for brain cancer, Alzheimer's and sleep apnoea before i bring up adhd again because my last test results were aggressively not adhd
i will die on the hill that jerry was deliberately depicted with both feet on the ground and that every other "official" flamingo image used in merch with one leg up is an imposter fight me
