𝒑𝒂𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒃𝒐𝒂𝒕𝒔𝒑𝒉

A colorful approach to a pessimistic mind.

[paperboatsph13]

Sts. Peter & Paul Parish Bell Tower Calasiao, Pangasinan

[paperboatsph13]

STAY / 04/22/17

Stay.

Please do.

It's cold, Like 12° cold, Moon, stars, Keen eye,  Focused on the sky, And a desperate pursuit and  Heart, Waiting for a comet to pass by. Foolish right? That's why I don't answer whenever you ask, Why my eyebags are big. Waiting for me to wish.

Phone rang, My alarm,  It's already 11:10. Morning or evening, Everyday, Same. Always does this, 1 minute preparation. 1 wish, Different everynight, All for you. I'd look like a fool, A desperate fool, Who cares, I love you.

Tomorrow's my birthday, I wish I'd have a cake, And a candle; Or just candles. I'd just wanted to make a wish, And for everyone to wish That my wish will come true. Opportunist, yes, opportunist. Today's my birthday, Went to church to say thanks, The lector said: Pray for personal intentions, Lucky, I said, What a great gift.

Whenever I hear water falling nearby, I'm looking for where it came from, Might be a fountain, A well, A river, Or even the drainage, I don't care, I don't, As long as I can throw a dime For a wish.

I am a foolish, desperate, And more adjectives that may fit, I am a wish-maker, I am a dreamer, I am a guy, I am a brokenhearted guy, I am broken.

I don't care if I'd look like a fool. I don't care if I'd spent my whole life with sleepless nights, Waiting for comets and shooting stars. I don't care, even if I had to attend every single birthday party, Or even anniversary, Or even death day anniversary, As long as I can blow the candles. I don't care if I'd be broke, Throwing dimes,  Pounds or even paper bills at rivers, Fountains and well. I don't care even if I'd have to pray to all gods- Every religion had or have, I'd even pray to the trees If it must be. I'd do it all For my wish. For my wish to be realized, For you to decompose your last message, For you to unend our relationship, For you to unleave me, For you to unbye me, For you to uncut your wrist.

For you to live again With me. I'd wish for you to- Stay.

[paperboatsph13]

Darkness Within

by: Godric Godfrey/ Frances Randolf Logan

Reeves Acrylic, Unipin 0.5, 0.2 fineliners on WorX printing paper.

[dokirosi]

✨ Huevember - day 1 ✨ My brilliant, opulent, radiant, glimmering-! as I promised this year I’m gonna make huevember! yep! and I’m gonna focus on the gems (since we actually have quite an interesting variety now)! Huevember is quite simple to understand, much like inktober, you have to make one drawing per day and each day has one main hue. you can find the original post here! I made my own color wheel with colors that suit me better, but the challenge still the same! WE CAN DO THIS!

[paperboatsph13]

DIVIDED

captured by: Calista Juguilon

models: Dana Mae Siapno & Me

[paperboatsph13]

She Loves Me...Not

Loves me,

Loves me not,

Loves me,

loves me not,

Loves me..

I felt happy,

I felt sad.

To play such childish game

Is not something to take away my pain.

Took another flower.

Pick another petal.

Loves me,

Loves me not,

Loves me,

Loves me not,

Loves me.

I'm deceiving myself in this game,

Playing with something I can't ever tame.

A game of boorish love,

A game of foolish love.

I know there's no hope in between,

Between me and you, can't a small piece even..

Everytime I take a piece of flower from the field

Is a lie,

A lie when I told you I love the flowers,

A lie I told you I would love the flowers.

Everytime I pick it's petals,

Felt like picking every piece of hope,

Hope that there's something

Even if knowing there's actually nothing.

Loves me,

Loves me not,

Loves me,

Loves me not...

She never loved me,

I know the fact

When the petal fell.

[paperboatsph13]

This society’s rapidly taking away the humanity in me. I’m sorry. 

[paperboatsph13]

Last Phone Call with Mom

All I can hear are sniffs and a choppy line.

Mom, I said.

Mom,

Mom,

Mom?

Still there? Can't hear you properly...

Ma?

distant footsteps heard, approaching fast

running

toward

something

it's me

Everything happened in a blink.

he went on, ran, fast and got lost in the crowd...

my phone's now gone with him.

And those were what took my mom away. From then on, I live my life alone, with a guide of broken, choppy words and a fading image from my mom…

before her death.

[paperboatsph13]

Stranger in a Place I Got Used to

Remember when we're alone,

Back there,

At the old, fallen tree,

Looking at the sky for answers,

Answers we never found.

I am weak,

Totally weak,

So I let go and walked alone,

Left everything dear to me,

To explore a new world,

A world far from what I got used to,

Selfish, isn't it?

I felt the regret and longed for

The world I once used to walk with you,

I want to go back,

But the world keeps me off from you.

Found the chance to,

I came back,

Came back broken,

Looking for the pieces to fill me up but,

But those pieces are nowhere to be found,

This place seemed nothing like it used to,

Now,

I realized,

I've got no place to go back to,

Because I wasn't really part of this old world I used to roam and get used to.

Dreaded Memories 

[paperboatsph13]

Kusot at Punit

Sa bawat patak ng tinta, Bawat yabag at pindot sa makina, Bawat pagdampi sa makinilya,  Bawat tatak ng mga letra, Ay ang paglaya ng mga pagod, Ng pag-asa't pagtangis, Ng pagmamahal at lugod, Ng paniniwala't ng aking hapis...

Isa kang konseptong binuo, Konseptong pinagplanuhan, iningatan, Ginawa mula sa pawis, tinta't dugo, Pinagmasdan kang parang bata sa hagdan. Takot, pag-aalala't pagkabalisa, Ang bumalot sa ngiting nag-uumapaw, Takot na ikaw magkamali't magkapasa, Mag-ingat ka, aking pagsusumigaw. Sumigaw ng sumigaw Sumigaw ng buong puso, Sumigaw habang pinagmamasdan kang malusaw, Malusaw ng tuluyan, at balutan ng dilim ang mundo.

Nagising akong nanlalamig, Nakahikbi sa mesa, Madilim, kapeng natapon na sa sahig, Mga tintang kalat, mga papel na kinusot, pinunit, basa, Basa ng luha't tinta, Luha nga ba't tinta o mga hinagpis na dinadala. Nanakit bawat kalamnan, Parang nakipagbuno sa labanan, Nag-iisa, nag-iisa sa kwartong nabalutan ng kadiliman, Nag-iisa kasama ng aking makinilya, Nag-iisa kasama ng papel at mga tinta, Nag-iisa kasama ng aking galit, Nag-iisa kasama ng mga papel na kinusot, pinunit, Nag-iisa kasama ang mga memorya, Na ngayon ay wala na, Kasama ng mga papel na aking pinunit Pinunit dulot ng galit.

Ako'y nag-iisa, Nag-iisa ako, Nag-iisa. Nag-iisa dahil wala ka na. Kusot at Punit|02-19-17| Dreaded Memories

Art by Esther Goh

[paperboatsph13]

She Loves Me... Not

Loves me,

Loves me not,

Loves me, 

loves me not,

Loves me...

I felt happy,

I felt sad.

To play such childish game’s not something to take away my pain.

Took another flower.

Picked another petal.

Loves me,

Loves me not,

Loves me,

Loves me not,

Loves me.

I'm deceiving myself in this game,

Playing with something I can't ever tame.

A game of boorish love,

A game of foolish love.

I know there's no hope in between,

Between me and you, can't a small piece even.

Everytime I take a piece of flower from the field’s a lie,

 A lie when I told you I love the flowers,

A lie I told you I would love the flowers.

Everytime I pick it's petals,Felt like picking every piece of hope,

Hope that there's something

Even if knowing there's actually nothing.

Loves me,

Loves me not,

Loves me,

Loves me not...

She never loved me,

I know the fact

When the petal fell.

She Loves Me...Not| 02-19-17|Dreaded Memories

Art by Cynthia Tedy

[88designbox]

Living room ideas for apartment

[paperboatsph13]

The Monster.

I was playing the game, the same game I played when my other friends died, again, but I heard footsteps, I thought it was from the game so I hid, but as I looked around, there’s no one, then I realized it was behind me and… there’s a loud shout behind me and in surprised I fell off my chair, it’s Chris, he’s shouting for help, crawling away from the ghost, the same ghost I saw when my other friends died, with a big grin in its face, pale gray skin, saggy skin, big wide eyes with dark eyebags. It’s laughing, the same maniacal laugh that echoed my in my mind, it’s him, it’s him…

I want to help Chris but I’m trembling, I can’t move. Chris shouted with all his strength for help while crawling away from the monster, but he has nowhere to run now, trap in the corner while the monster on his tail holding the knife while it laughs maniacally. Chris was stabbed succededly until his last breath, heshouted… he shouted my name, bathe in his own blood he stared at me, his last word was my name. I can’t do anything but to cry, I can’t move, I’m too frail and now filled with great fear.

The monster seemed to notice me since it started to walk towards my direction. My heart beats faster, cold drops of sweat started pouring, I can’ say a word. *metals clanking. It moved faster, until he was in frontof me just a few inches away, I can’t look at him but it started to lean his body towards me, we were face to face, the sound of his laugh got louder, it feels like it’s breaking my ear. I closed my eyes and everything burst into an eerie silence. I thought it’s gone so I opened my eyes but it’s not he’s still face to face with me, but different, the grin off his face turned into a frown, tears started to flow down his dark wide eyes, but it’s still leaning towards my face, I still can’t move, I wish for it to stop but I heard a voice saying, “Bye William.”, but it’s not the monster, I don’t know who it was. The monster’s face has been just centimeters away from me, I thought it’d be my end, but no, it kissed me and the silence fades away as loud blurry shouts started to fade in. I heard footsteps, it’s moving away from me, but I can’t see a thing, I know my hands were tied and Iwas on my knees, the footsteps are gone, but the shouting crowd grew louder than before and a man talking from a speaker shouted, I can’t understand it’s blurred, everything was, after that gun loading was heard, the sound came from behind. Everything’s starting to come to light and the man on the micshouted “Fire!”, gunshots started echoing from behind, they hit me and fell to the ground.

The ghost… the monster… it’s not real, it’s my conscience, … it’s me.

������

[petitpotato]

Something that I’ve learnt from my many years of struggling with depression is that it’s never really gone. Even at times when I feel good and healthy, I’m still always at risk of relapse. So far, I’ve experienced relapses every couple of years and one of the many reasons that happened is that I didn’t take my depression seriously enough. No one likes being mentally ill, so once depression doesn’t feel too present, I tend to ignore it. I quickly put myself under a lot of pressure, because everyone else does too, and since my depression isn’t acting up in that particular moment, I don’t feel like I have an excuse to take things easy. I feel like a liar and very disrespectful of other people’s hard work, so I push myself all the time to keep up with everyone. I don’t want to cause trouble because of something no one can see. While every single time seems still manageable to me, those situations keep stacking, until I can’t deal with the amount of stress anymore. Then I fall apart. This is a reminder to me and everyone else who’s in a similar situation: by accepting your depression and keeping it in mind, you’ll be able to live a healthier life in the long run. It’s difficult to miss out on certain things or to say “no” to friends because of something that isn’t an immediate problem. But every time you decide to take care of your needs, you will keep depression away a bit longer.

[athenadark]

As a depression sufferer myself I appreciate this and it reminds me of Mr Johnson’s Cat

[c-2eta]

Apparently the crewniverse gave nicknames to all of the Ruby squad:

Doc, Army, Navy, Eyeball, and Leggy.

[icanread]

[paperboatsph13]

Self Loathe