There is beauty in silence.

Shana Choi • 25 • Multi-fandom • find me on ao3 😉

[suzusparkle]

Rika’s scrapbook PART 1

(Rika is my fav character, so it breaks my heart even more than Saeran’s diary. She started off as such a pure cinnamon roll and I can’t believe how broken she is now ;; I hope there’s a route for her so she can get all the help in the world and be so sweet again)

PART 2

PART 3

[suzusparkle]

Saeran’s diary PART 1

I’m sorry for the crappy quality, but I haven’s seen anyone leaking these, so I hope you enjoy! 

(I really hope it’s readable, I tested it on my phone and the computer and it was just fine, but if you have problems feel free to contact me)

PART 2 PART 3

[l-m-pandora]

.

[marshmallowprotection]

Saeran’s Diary

Spoilers for Saeran’s Diary. It’s within the Special Believer package. Not all of the pages are here. I’ve compiled the ones that looked the most note-worthy to talk about but I will summaries and talk about everything in this post. 

Okay, so Spoilers Ahead, read at your own caution. It’s Spoilers for Another Story, V Route, Ray Route, and the After Ending. 

Keep reading

[marshmallowprotection]

Masterlist Part 7

TUMBLR HAS A LIMIT TO HOW MANY LINKS CAN BE IN A POST. THIS MEANS THAT I HAVE TO SEPARATE MY MASTERLIST INTO PARTS. YOU CAN REACH ME FOR COMMISSIONS OR TRADES BY CLICKING THE LINKS.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 8

UPDATED AS OF 03/17/2022 (IF YOU THINK I MISSED A FAVORITE OF YOURS LET ME KNOW AND I’LL FIX THE LIST)

GE Saeran w/ an MC who colors their hair like his

Seven comforting an MC struggling with sensory issues when they eat

GE Saeran W/ an MC who draws him

Vampire Ray + Suit Saeran + GE Saeran

First date with SE Saeran

Taking GE Saeran to a toy store

Suit Saeran w/ a b-a-b that looks just like him

GE Saeran reacting to hearing MC calling Saeran “Suit Saeran”

GE Saeran W/ an MC who lost their mother

GE Saeran W/ an MC that comes out with they/them pronouns

Giving GE Saeran a bunny hoodie

Fake dating with Zen

GE Saeran W/ an MC that struggles with body image

GE Saeran W/ an MC who just got a tongue piercing 

GE Saeran W/ an MC with Asthma

Little Spoon Ray

Seven W/ an MC that’s used to rejection

General SE Saeran comfort + General SE Cuddles

GE Saeran with a popular MC

Guitarist Unknown

V + GE Saeran’s MC kissing the back of their palm at their wedding

GE Saeran W/ a dancer MC

GE Saeran W/ an MC scared during horror movies

Christmas DLC Unknown drabble

GE Saeran W/ an MC that age regresses

GE Saeran W/ an MC that’s anxious about surgery 

Suit Saeran + Unknown  + SE Saeran W/ an MC on their birthday

GE Saeran calling MC a good [boy/girl]

Lady Ray + Suit Saeran + GE Saeran + Unknown + SE Saeran + VAE Ray when MC uses their chest as a pillow

Suit Saeran + Unknown + SE Saeran W/ a sick MC

Ray + GE Saeran w/ a shy MC

Ray + Suit Saeran W/ an MC that tries to boost their self esteem

SE Saeran + SE Ray + Grave [SE Suit Saeran] + Su-Jin [Kid Saeran] W/ a teen MC after surgery 

GE Saeran with an overworked MC

Suit Saeran taking something important from MC

What if Saeran shot Seven instead?

Hiding Frog trinkets with GE Saeran

SE Saeran + SE Ray + Grave [SE Suit Saeran] W/ a deaf or mute MC

GE Saeran W/ an MC that suffers from nightmares

If Unknown’s MC was trained in self-defense

Ray + Suit Saeran + GE Saeran + Unknown + SE Saeran W/ an MC with horrible cramps

GE Saeran W/ a mother who was like his own

GE Saeran W/ an MC who does his hair in the bath

Ray + Suit Saeran looking at MC’s diary 

GE Saeran’s date on a ferris wheel

GE Saeran W/ an indecisive MC

GE Saeran W/ an MC that struggles with their self-love

GE Saeran & Seven comforting an MC over the loss of their dad

GE Saeran getting a picnic with MC

Ray + Suit Saeran + GE Saeran W/ an insomniac MC

Game Night GE vs SE

Ray + GE Saeran + Unknown W/ a model MC

GE Saeran W/ a ditzy MC

Ray + GE Saeran W/ an overworked MC

RFA W/ an MC who hesitates to be a parent because of the chance it’ll pass on depression

GE Saeran W/ an MC that likes sun showers

Ray W/ an MC who has dolls of himself and MC

Seven W/ an MC that loves cars

SE Saeran comforting an insecure MC

GE Saeran W/ an MC with curly hair

Suit Saeran on MC’s lap

GE Saeran W/ an MC that’s anxious about being touched

Seven W/ a Mute MC

GE Saeran W/ an MC with DID/OSDD

Unknown W/ an MC that likes to sketch

GE Saeran W/ an insecure plus-size MC

Ray being gifted a corsage 

Ray + Suit Saeran + GE Saeran being protective of MC

GE Saeran W/ a blonde MC

GE Saeran W/ a witch MC

2019 Unknown Birthday

Watching Rapunzel with GE Saeran

Scrapbooking with GE Saeran

Self Care Bath W/ Ray + Suit Saeran self care bath + GE Saeran self care bath + VAE Ray self care bath (plus a bonus afterward) + SE Saeran self care bath + Unknown self care bath + VAE Saeran self care bath + Grave [SE Suit Saeran] self care bath

Ray W/ an MC afraid of the dark

Seven W/ a Self Care Bath

Zen W/ a Self Care Bath

Jaehee W/ a Self Care Bath

Yoosung W/ a Self Care Bath

MC that’s shy about singing in front of GE Saeran

Ray + Suit Saeran + GE Saeran + Unknown + SE Saeran + SE Ray + Grave [SE Suit Saeran] + Su-Jin [platonic] when an MC says they love them! + VAE Ray

GE Saeran W/ an MC that struggles with infertility 

GE Saeran finds MC’s diary

Getting Tea with GE Saeran

RFA + Ray W/ an MC that discounts their worth

Yoosung W/ an MC who has family troubles 

GE Saeran when MC is feeling low

RFA + GE Saeran W/ an MC that cries when given affection 

Suit Saeran W/ an MC who has a history of abuse

Seven W/ an MC that’s paranoid

Seven stargazing with MC

Jumin comforting an MC with money trauma

Ray + Suit Saeran + GE Saeran + Unknown + SE Saeran W/ an MC that wants them to try out aromatherapy

Ray + Suit Saeran W/ an MC that calls compulsively 

Suit Saeran being dipped in a dance

GE Saeran + Jumpscares

Ray and compliments 

Zen validating an NB MC

Ray + Suit Saeran + GE Saeran + Unknown + SE Saeran W/ an MC that tends to their wounds

Unknown drawing on MC’s face

Suit Saeran comforting MC through a panic attack

Ray wearing a skirt for MC

GE Saeran / Suit Saeran W/ an MC that feared backlash

GE Saeran W/ an MC that loves things that contrast against his

GE Saeran W/ an MC that copes by screaming

VAE Ray’s MC giving him temporary tattoos

GE Saeran reacting to a little shrine

GE Saeran asking Saeyoung to be his best man

LDR reunion with GE Saeran

Ray W/ an MC who cries when frustrated 

Unknown W/ an MC that loves to bake

SE Saeran’s reaction to being called brother by Seven’s MC

Ray + Suit Saeran + GE Saeran W/ an MC who was lonely before they came to Mint Eye

Ray W/ an MC whose love language is touch

Teasing Suit Saeran

Ray + Unknown W/ an MC who gives surprise kisses

GE Saeran W/ an MC that loves mint ice cream

GE Saeran with an MC that loves to infodump

SE Saeran W/ an MC that says I love you a lot

MC making a deal with GE Saeran for art

RFA W/ an MC with resting bitch face

Seven + GE Saeran W/ an MC who has to explain their disappearance 

Unknown W/ an MC that steals his jacket

Suit Saeran + Ray + Unknown W/ a mute MC

Pinky Promise W/ Lady Ray

SE Saeran + GE Saeran W/ jealousy 

SE Saeran coming to terms with jealousy

SE Saeran W/ an MC that wants to take photos together

GE Saeran W/ an MC that’s insecure about their lips

Suit Saeran + Unknown W/ an MC that’s easily flustered

Seven + Jumin W/ an MC dealing with an Animal death

GE Saeran + V + Seven getting headpats

GE Saeran + dance

Jumin + GE Saeran + V W/ an MC that brings breakfast in bed

Unknown W/ a scrappy MC

VAE Ray W/ an MC that affirms their love

SE Saeran W/ an MC that’s like him

GE Saeran returning MC’s item after Suit Saeran took it

RFA W/ an MC that burned themselves

GE Saeran W/ an MC that wants him to dress more emo

SE Saeran W/ an MC afraid of Halloween

Ray W/ an MC whose very mindful of how they smell

SE Saeran’s willingness to kiss first

Saeran W/ a curly haired MC

Date W/ VAE Ray

Suit Saeran comforting a grieving MC

GE Saeran giving MC Suit Saeran’s jacket

GE Saeran W/ an MC with a Pokemon plush

Ray + Suit Saeran + Unknown + SE Saeran W/ an MC who has their voice as a ringtone

Yoosung + Seven + GE Saeran W/ an MC overcoming a fear of men

GE Saeran comforting an MC who lost a friend

Being SE Saeran’s friend when he’s in love with you

GE Saeran W/ an MC afraid of water

GE Saeran W/ an MC diagnosed with BPD

Training Ray with Praise

RFA + GE Saeran W/ an overworked MC

Convincing Ray he’s worthwhile

Workout with GE Saeran

Listening to you infodump W/ Ray

GE Saeran W/ an MC afraid of the doctor 

GE Saeran W/ an MC like Zen

Seven W/ an MC who is afraid to fall in love because they could die soon

GE Saeran W/ an MC who teases him over their earlier conversations

[cultabel]

He keeps reminding me of Calcifer, the fire, the yap, the gluttony, the cuteness♡🔥

[taybeeart]

Throwback to some of my fave spooky kids

[nn-ee-zz]

Hiii, I was just wandering if you wouldn’t mind blabbing about the symbolism and stuff behind some of your design choices with the horse men that you might not have mentioned. Like with pestilence and death specifically I feel like there’s a lot of symbolism I’m picking up on without fully understanding. Like with Death’s sickle, both a homage to the classic scythe and a nod to the “reaping/harvesting” of souls. And with pestilence I feel like there’s something that I’m skirting around without grasping. The multiple legs strike me as a deliberate similarity to insects, and if I’m right I think that the rider is bound in a body bag type deal, similar to how disease and pestilence is so often both spread through the improper disposal of body’s, and how wide spread pestilence leads to mass graves filled with disease and the horrible anonymity that comes with being just one face in a pit of hundreds etc? All of this is, ofc, to say that I’ve adored your series of the horsemen so far and would go absolutely rabid for some insight on some of your design choices<3

My horsemen of the apocalypse! I will add the original commentary and some extras, less about the symbolism and more about what brought me to design them the way I did.

The symbolism is for you to chose, there is no wrong answer.

WAR

I can't bring myself to represent war with a cool knight. It's horror. War is a bound child crowned with shrapnel, tied to a wounded horse that is being pulled forward by unseen people.

I've read a handful of books regarding war. A lost quote said that it should be shown as horror, it should make generals vomit, it should make you sick. I haven't seen war but my family has.

It was the first horseman I've designed, and it was in my sketchbook for months (maybe over a year, maybe even more) before I had the courage to draw it. I was really scared about how people would react to a mutilated child.

Recommended reading: The Red Crown - Mikhail Bulgakov, a short story about a man coping with the loss of his brother in the war

FAMINE

Someone who lived thro a famine shared that their head was only occupied with thoughts of food. Famine consumes your mind. All animals were eaten. Neighbors gave their pets away cuz they couldn't do it themselves. People walked around town as if in a dazed dream, slowly

Recommended reading: The Last Witnesses - Svetlana Alexievitch, a collection of testimonials of people who were children when WW2 began. Some quotes below;

'''A cat! A cat!' Other children saw it and started chasing it. The educators were local habitants, looked at us as if we were insane. In Leningrad there were no living cats left...A living cat was a dream. Food for one month...We talked about it, but they didn't believe us.''

''During the first year of evacuation, we didn't notice nature, everything that was nature provoked in us only one desire - taste to see if it's edible. Only a year later I noticed the beauty of the Urals''

''I dreamt of catching a sparrow and eating it...''

''A candle burns and the shopgirl cuts the bread pieces. People follow her with their gaze. Her every movement...with burning eyes...crazed...and all that in silence.''

''People walked slowly through the city like shadows. Like in a dream...a deep dream...As in, you see it, but you think you're seeing a dream. Those sluggish movements...floating...As if a person walked on water and not on land.''

''In Leningrad there are a lot of monuments, but one is missing that should exist. They forgot about it. The monument to the dogs of the seige. Dear doggy, forgive me...''

I don't like talking about it. It made no sense to draw Famine with a horse.

PESTILENCE

Based on the notes of a doctor who said the most frightening thing about viral disease was how it didn’t frighten. People didn’t know or didn't care. They lived and spread until it was too late and they became another name on the record

The clothing being made out of shredding plastic is no coincidence; pollution is a form of pestilence too

Recommended reading: Notes from a Countryside Doctor - Mikhail Bulgakov. Roughly translated quote below;

''Ah, I verified that here syphilis was frightening precisely because it did not frighten. That was why I evoked that woman.* I remembered her with a kind of affectionate respect: because she had been afraid. But she was the only one!''

*Early in the chapter, doctor mentions a woman that appeared in the clinic with a letter from her soldier husband, where he wrote that he had syphilis and told her she should go to the doctor too.

DEATH

Recommended reading: Voices of Chernobyl - Svetlana Alexievitch. The Death of Ivan Ilitch - Lev Tolstoi

“Death is the fairest thing in the world. No one's ever gotten out of it. The earth takes everyone - the kind, the cruel, the sinners. Aside from that, there's no fairness on earth.”

Death is the only horseman that doesn’t need to mount their horse; they will reach everyone eventually. Who is the saddle for then? Open ended question because this one you have to figure out personally

Many people pointed out how the horse is a Clydesdale. Good eyes! I purposefully asked a friend to guide me towards what type of horses are the sturdiest and most-friendly looking. I drew the horse grazing. It's not injured, it doesn't gallop. It's grazing peacefully because life moves on.

This is the only design that had a painting serve as a base - The Reaper, by Alexey Venetsianov. Not much or nothing at all is written about, I saw it in a book. It is a literal reaper but it haunted me, as if it's portraying more than a person.

The choice to make it a woman was due to a book about a crematory (Smoke Gets in Your Eyes - Caitlin Doughty) that connected women to death because everyone born is bound to die.

Ahhh, I don't want to give it all away. It's fun to figure things out. About them all. From the enviroment, to the movement, to the horses themselves. Many people even mentioned details that I did not notice and didn't add purposefully that were so inspired and amazing. I truly mean that the interpretations of the public enrich the works even more than my own words. And it's an honor to share that work with everyone.

Thank you anon!

[valdeswan]

Cale says he is a bad person, a selfish, stone cold bastard because he spent at least 10 years believing the words he heard on his team funeral and after it.

And he had nobody to say the opposite, nobody who knew him, who cared about him. To prove them wrong, to insist that they are the actual bastards without heart for saying that to a mourning person.

He was alone, terrified of getting close to people again, and thinking that the deaths of his family was all his fault. Of course he thinks he is a bad person.

For him, people that don't protect their family are trash, so he is the worst human being that ever put a foot on the planet.

[calethescammer]

One of my favourite brain rotting tcf ideas is Cale having some tremor disorder. Basically, he has hands that randomly tremble without any reason.

It may be genetic to him, or he developed it as Cale because of not eating his meals properly and inevitably developing some vitamin deficiency.

Now comes the best part.

Imagine Cale, perhaps in some really gruesome battle, with blood of enemies and allies mixed around him. Imagine his family seeing Cale's stoic face, wondering how a person so young can be so brave, and then they see his hands shaking under his raven coat, even as they're curled tightly into a fist.

Imagine Cale looking at Jour's portrait, admiring her beauty and her alike face with his own. But then his family sees him, his gaze fixated on his mother's image and his hands trembling slightly.

Imagine him, standing at the forefront of some battle with his shields raised, with his hands trembling uncontrollably, even though he is not straining himself. The people protected under him can only tear up at his selflessness.

Imagine Cale after attacking the enemies with a wave of firebolts, but his hands again started shaking badly, even if he has them covered under his sleeves. His family misunderstands that as Cale hiding his pain.

Imagine Cale, resting on a couch after some battle, and when Raon, On and Hong excitedly climb upon his lap, he only smiles slightly and pats them with his trembling hands. The kids then worriedly inform Ron of this and Cale recieves sweet lemon tea for a whole week.

Imagine Cale talking about territory matters with Alberu, and Alberu is once again amazed by his dongsaeng's witty and almost experienced approaches to problems like war. But then he sees Cale's hands shaking while holding the tea cup, and he realises how absolutely not normal it is to not be nervous in such a situation. (Alberu later pledges to himself to give Cale the slacker life he always wished for.)

Just imagine Cale in any situation with trembling hands and it literally creates the most hilarious misunderstandings with some really wonderful angst.

[nonexistentirl]

So... Do you guys think Kim Roksoo's teammates used to go batshit like Cale's party do when he gets hurt? Like, when he overloads after using Record and has a nosebleed, or when he gets multiple cuts on his body from using Instant, and maybe more. Do you think Kim Minah, Jung Sohoon, Agent Cha and others all used to get super frustrated and wreck everything?

Remember the time Choi Han and Mary wrecked havoc in the palace during a celebration because some audacious nobles looked down on Cale? Do you think Kim Roksoo's subordinates used to fight people from other teams when they talked trash about their beloved team leader?

Because I think they did do all of that. Kim Roksoo may have avoided getting close to them, but he could do nothing to mask his natural charisma that warrants respect and loyalty.

[nonexistentirl]

Went back to reread the part where Cale visited Jour's grave and got the Annual Rings ancient power and... How come I didn't notice (or was it that I just forgot?) that Raon's attribute was slowly starting to manifest there. OMG!

And the part where Jour says "you need to be a part of the Thames household to use this power properly." I'm unsure if this is an implication to White Star's last body being a part of the Thames household or just saying that White Star would not have been able to use the power properly.

Also, this part

Our Cale is not a single lifer though? OgCale is a regressor and transmigrator, but our Cale is merely a victim of that transmigrator. Though he can be considered a variable since he did end up transmigrating into this world. However, instead of a transmigrator, Jour here calls him a single-lifer. Like the Choi's. Isn't it kinda...

I have a hunch that it somehow has something to do with Kim Roksoo sharing a birthday with the Choi's. Does everyone born on November 8th end up being a single lifer? But then there'd be thousands of them. There has to be a couple more criteria at least to be met to become a single lifer.

But if Cale really is a single lifer... I don't want him to turn out to be one. I don't want him to become a God either. I want him to live a long life with his family who also all have long life spans. But I want him to die first. I don't want him to attend the funeral of anyone in his family. He has seen enough loved ones die before him for a lifetime. Let him pass with all of his family surrounding him for once. Don't let him ascend to the divine or heavenly world after death either. Let him continue in the cycle of reincarnation. And let him find his family again in those cycles. Let him continue to be happy forever without remembering the pain of it all.

[ineffectualdemon]

ORV gives you a main character who is so detached and suicidal and never gets better

But more importantly it gives you all the people who would tear apart reality itself for one more chance to be with him

As someone who has struggled with depersonalisation and derealization and suicidal ideation for pretty much my entire life this book, even when deeply painful, is the most uplifting and convincing DO NOT KILL YOURSELF treatise I have ever read

Because it's easy to convince yourself that no one will miss you

That no one actually cares about you, because how could they? You're a monster

That you only have worth in what you can give

But then you see Kim Dokja who believes about himself all the worst things you have thought about yourself and who has arguably done worst things then you could ever do...and you see how he doesn't see the love and care and devotion that is right in front of his face

You are begging him to stop and see it

To recognise that he doesn't have to do everything alone

That he is loved so so deeply

And maybe, just maybe you can get yourself to open your eyes. Or just believe that maybe you're just as blind as Kim Dokja.

I know some people will see this book as despairing or that the message is that you can never actually cross that divide. But for me it's a push to say you can cross it.

That there are people in this world waiting for you to extend your hand and they will hold you close and never let you go

It's hope in the despair

At least for me

[ad-wills]

"you attract what you fear"

AHHHHHH A RICH BENEFACTOR WHO WILL FUND ALL MY WEIRD CREATIVE ENDEAVOURS NOOOOOO STAY AWAYYYY

[murasaki-cha]

So a few days ago Kakaopage released this small interview with Cale on twitter. And I'm bringing it to you (prepare tissues some of these answers hit hard lemme tell you)

Q1: happy memories vs 1 billion

Cale: Happy memories. I have no choice but to choose this.

Q2: If you were to go to a desert island, what three things would you take with you?

Cale: Ron, Beacrox, Raon. Actually, just Ron is fine.

Q3. Being forgotten by everyone vs losing my memory of everyone

Cale: To be forgotten by everyone. Of course the former. It is possible to be a slacker in seclusion.

Q4: What do you think is your biggest strength?

Cale: Face. I'm handsome, after all.

[calethescammer]

What if Cale had a habit of wandering to high balconies or roof tops and just sitting there whenever he was stressed/sad?

See it this way: Kim Rok Soo had the habit of roaming around destroyed buildings and finding a high spot and just sitting there? Perhaps he liked seeing the horizon. Or maybe he wanted to see how far the destroyed area stretched to. Or maybe he thought of it as his responsibility to look out for anyone injured, who may still be looking for help. Either way, it brought him peace, some sort of serenity and quietness.

So anyways, as Cale, after the conflicts with White Star started, his habit involuntarily reappeared. He would frequently go on roof tops, sometimes a tall tree or just sit upon the balustrade of his balcony. His feet hanging, his heart quiet and his gaze fixated on nothingness.

And now imagine someone, maybe Raon or Ron, catching him sitting on the edge of the balcony with a blank face. Then the panic, the chaos, and maybe Cale lost his footing because of the startling shout, and he fell down before balancing himself mid-air thanks to the wind ap.

Now imagine him trying to explain that it was just on a whim, that he has no intentions of hurting himself, but the children keep on sobbing and his family hang their heads down with despairing eyes, and now Cale feels helpless.

And maybe he feels a pang of guilt, because sometimes, just sometimes, he had a fleeting thought, a nonsensical urge to jump off, not to hurt himself, like he hated pain more than anything, and of course, living was the best, but there was the curiosity to see how it would feel, first the amazement, then the numbness, and finally the quietness of his Records.

It's only a thought, he convinced himself. But that didn't stop his habit, the worrying gazes of his family and their watchful eyes on Cale, and the relentless explanations that would follow, with Cale always failing to convince them that he is fine.

[blueteller]

You guys ever think about how funny it is that the whole reason why Cale did not have try at all to impersonate the original Cale, was because no one actually knew anything about him, despite the fact that everybody knew about him? On an international scale, even??

Cale: (doing an absolutely terrible job at being trash) Everybody else: That doesn't sound right, but I don't know enough about Cale Henituse to dispute it

[i-might-be-a-simp]

Honestly from the beginning there was something so off about Cale who did not even flinch at the sight of corpses, gore and just the overall massacre that was the Whipper Kingdom when he headed there for the first time.

I'm so happy the author didn't pull the "well he transmigrated! he is just kinda tough headed from the beginning" card that i usually see in these types of stories? it always frustrated me because no, a normal person would not be able to see a battlefield and be okay with it, I really like it when there is a reason and its not just an odd characteristic/ plot hole. I kind of brushed over this moment when i first read TCF and it really goes to show how I just gave up in trying to find a reason for things in transmigration manhwas.

So big big props to Yoo Ryeo Han for always being so iconic and making me look out for twists and revelations. The author perfectly used the situation to hint at what kind of life Kim Rok Soo had lived on earth.

Like this is NOT the face of someone who was a loner reading novels at home. This man has been through SHIT.

{ch69} hehe nice