i have Huge plans for da futch… (future)
Sade Olutola

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@parasyteinlauve
i have Huge plans for da futch… (future)
i dont even currrr about labels fuhhh
I don't have pronouns. I have hackernouns. Godnouns, even
noobnouns vs pronouns vs hackernouns vs godnouns
i luv my cute hot handsome bf more than anything ever. he has such a sweet soul and no one could ever make me as happy as he can. ive never been more understood in my life. i love him i love him i loveeee him
ive been napping a Lot lately which is weird cuz i never used to nap before. whenever im alone or whenever im bored or sad, i go to sleep to avoid it all
i wake up and hope that someone has asked for me and that i am of value to someone. the me in the past would have had no confirmation but now i do and i am overjoyed. what month is it?????
uodate: june 10th
i am so . forgets what i was going to say and starts sobbing and banging my head against the wall
i sometimes begin to realize we have different perspectives which is Ok: everyone does
the human brain is too complex for everyone to think the same
i had always sent you countless things, using any excuse to talk to you and have open discussions with my favorite person
i was not understanding, i found it to be my goal to send you as much as u can. ensure you had to spend as much time as possible responding to my messages so i could have as much time talking to you as i could. Horribly greedy, thats me
then you said you found it overwhelming (understandably) and my perspective was changed. i had begun to realize you found my attempts to take as much of your time as i could to be like a chore and i was horribly heartbroken, it wasnt about the messages, it was about how differently we saw things. the difference in perspective
i know you didnt mean it like that at all, but my brain had interpreted it as You seeing me like a chore and a bother. and so, i shut up til you started talking. i had instead taken to sending everything i wanted to sent to you to myself and i realized how unreasonable i was being. then you asked why i wasnt sending you anything and i was horribly embarrassed to explain it to you. i was So upset for seemingly no reason. i was so confused by the mixed messages i interperted on my own from you, how you didnt want me to send you a ton of stuff, but then you do. then i started sending you things again but it has never felt the same. i dont see it the same, you dont have access to my brain so obviously you do, probably. but i no longer see it as an excuse to talk to you longer. i still love love love talking to you, its the highlight of my day, im obsessed with you so its no wonder.
it makes me a bit insecure because i grew up being super duper quiet to appeal to people, to seem more likable and mess annoying. and then i met you and you make me wanna talk all the time. i cant shut up around you because i wanna Hear you talk the most. everything i say is for the purpose of your response. i would never talk to anyone as much as i do you. sometimes i feel like youd rather i shut up, and i revert back to the mindset i had when i was a kid. ive tried to talk about this as much as i can to you without directly addressing you, and it seems like you never care or understand. i get why. im so obsessive.
i think you have no idea how annoying i am, or you do and you just dont acknowledge it. i am maybe the clingiest guy on earth. im weird. i always have been. thats just me. i have never cared for anyone as strongly as i care about you. dont you realize yoire all that i think about? youre my world, my universe, even my god. im a freak, and not just in the freaky way. fmllll
frequently feel like dis
cant waittttttt for when i finally look Actually masc 🤤🤤🤤 #futureHurryPlz
WE all love forcemasc ✅✅✅✅
i cant cap im seeing a lot of this on my feed & idk what a jirai blr is but yall r Real icl 🤔
yah im a masc guy and only That but its ok if u call me by she dude 😳 its ok if u say im ur gf 😳 i actually kinda like it
ever since i was conscious i feel like ive always been aware i had to mask my true thoughts and feelings for whatever reason
now i cant stop
i believe everyone should bare themselves and live as they truly are but its so hard. it is So difficult because i always worry that if someone gets to know the real me, gets to know my true thoughts and how my brain works, they’ll hate me. no matter how much they love me now i know if they truly knew they’d find me disgusting
and even if they dont, i think my brain will js lead me to feel that theyre lying to make me feel better
i wish everyone was honest all the time
i am so gross dude i really am
i go in between starving and binging no matter how much i try to eat normally
i tru to quit all my unhealthy habits but i keep going back to ghem
i feel like i suck the life out of everyone around me
i am a True parasite
i want to talk to people about how i feel, i really really really do, but i dont want to lose the people around me
i am disgustingly clingy when i Really get to know somebody. i am always vying for attention and if i dont get the right kind of it, if someone seems too distant, i immediately panic and think they hate me. then i try to distance myself but i Cant. i just look so pathetic. i feel like the world would be better off if i died but i Cant Leave because i promised i wouldnt and i cant ever break my promises when its with someone i care about.
i really wish someone would ask about me. be curious about me as a person and how i feel and how i think, on their own. but i know thats never happening because no one cares about me enough tl do that. im always just there. i wish i wasnt always Just There. i want ppl to miss me, to notice my absence so they love me more, but that never happens.
id do anything for validation and for someone to love me while Truly knowing me.
i truly believe i am a parasite #Highkey
twas 7 yrs clean til i relapsed #lastWeek
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