i sometimes begin to realize we have different perspectives which is Ok: everyone does
the human brain is too complex for everyone to think the same
i had always sent you countless things, using any excuse to talk to you and have open discussions with my favorite person
i was not understanding, i found it to be my goal to send you as much as u can. ensure you had to spend as much time as possible responding to my messages so i could have as much time talking to you as i could. Horribly greedy, thats me
then you said you found it overwhelming (understandably) and my perspective was changed. i had begun to realize you found my attempts to take as much of your time as i could to be like a chore and i was horribly heartbroken, it wasnt about the messages, it was about how differently we saw things. the difference in perspective
i know you didnt mean it like that at all, but my brain had interpreted it as You seeing me like a chore and a bother. and so, i shut up til you started talking. i had instead taken to sending everything i wanted to sent to you to myself and i realized how unreasonable i was being. then you asked why i wasnt sending you anything and i was horribly embarrassed to explain it to you. i was So upset for seemingly no reason. i was so confused by the mixed messages i interperted on my own from you, how you didnt want me to send you a ton of stuff, but then you do. then i started sending you things again but it has never felt the same. i dont see it the same, you dont have access to my brain so obviously you do, probably. but i no longer see it as an excuse to talk to you longer. i still love love love talking to you, its the highlight of my day, im obsessed with you so its no wonder.
it makes me a bit insecure because i grew up being super duper quiet to appeal to people, to seem more likable and mess annoying. and then i met you and you make me wanna talk all the time. i cant shut up around you because i wanna Hear you talk the most. everything i say is for the purpose of your response. i would never talk to anyone as much as i do you. sometimes i feel like youd rather i shut up, and i revert back to the mindset i had when i was a kid. ive tried to talk about this as much as i can to you without directly addressing you, and it seems like you never care or understand. i get why. im so obsessive.
i think you have no idea how annoying i am, or you do and you just dont acknowledge it. i am maybe the clingiest guy on earth. im weird. i always have been. thats just me. i have never cared for anyone as strongly as i care about you. dont you realize yoire all that i think about? youre my world, my universe, even my god. im a freak, and not just in the freaky way. fmllll
snowghoul
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