God With Us

Here are several things I believe: The most critical religious question of our day is how we will answer the question "Who is my neighbor?" That which we know and name as God is more about the connections between us than something above us. And this from the poet Maya Angelou: "Do the best you can until you know better. Then, when you know better, do better."

[paulalcorn]

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[paulalcorn]

My 100th Birthday Party – Will They Want to Come?

Picture a room full of people.  They range in age from preschool to 100.  They are eating, talking, laughing, dancing, and reminiscing.  No one is in a hurry.  No one wants to be anyplace else.  The atmosphere abounds with joy and gratitude.  Cameras click as the moment is captured.  The guest of honor watches the scene with absolute pleasure, and revels in the hugs and conversations she has with the guests who have gathered. In this room, the world seems like a perfect place. 

I recently had the privilege of being part of the scene described above, as I attended my aunt’s 100th birthday party.  At age 100, there aren’t many lifelong friends still alive, yet there were close to one hundred people celebrating.  Children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, nieces, nephews, and others who were touched by my aunt’s presence in their lives gave up whatever they would normally do on a weekend afternoon to be there.  It seemed that, without exception, everyone was happy to be there. In fact, it seemed as though no one wanted to be anywhere else at that particular time.  This was a moment to savor and celebrate. 

While raising children, we think of many things.  What are their needs?  Who will they be?  Why aren’t they cleaning their room?  Why don’t they want to play soccer? Have they practiced piano?  Why isn’t their homework done?  Do they have any friends?  Should they have an allowance?  What about a curfew?  Should we be strict or lenient?  How many rules are enough?  How many rules are too much? … 

I know all of that is important, but I think that sometimes it’s a good idea to put those sorts of questions aside.  I suggest that, instead, for at least a moment, we consider the question, “Will our children want to come to our 100th birthday party?”  Will they really want to still be a part of our life, and want us to be a part of theirs?   

Sometimes we need to take a look in the mirror.  Who are we being for our children? How can we enhance our relationship with them?  What are the qualities we must show in order for them to someday, however many years from now, want to attend our 100th birthday party with joy and gratitude for the relationship that we’ve had? 

After my aunt’s party, I was left wondering, “If I am blessed with the chance to celebrate such a milestone, will my family and friends want to be there?  Will that be the kind of relationship we have?  Who do I have to be in order to make this 100th birthday dream come true?” 

I’ve come up with a list that I’m going to share with you.  Maybe you want to plan your 100th birthday party too! 

How to Get the People You Love to Want to Come to Your 100th Birthday Party 

1.      Smile, smile, smile!  My smile should give my loved ones the message that I am truly pleased when I see them.  They are the joy of my life!

2.      Accept them as they are!  I treasure each of my loved ones for the unique qualities they bring to my life. I want them to know that they are just who they are meant to be.

3.      Be interested!  Their ideas matter to me.  It should be clear that I care about what they think and want to listen to what they have to say.

4.      Be interesting!  I want them to think my ideas are worth hearing, that I have gathered wisdom throughout my years that they want to share.  

5.      Keep up!  It should be clear that I’m not only interested; I actually know what they’re talking about when they mention all the latest developments.  Or at least I want to learn!

6.      Believe in them!  They should know that I trust in their ability to reach their dreams.

7.      Make them proud!  I want them to be proud of the model I provide as I interact with others.  I want them to be pleased with what I have contributed to the world.

8.      Keep having fun!  I want them to know that, at any age, I’m always ready to laugh and play.

9.      Be real!  No matter my age, I want my values to be clear.  Through my wrinkles, I want them to be able to see the real me.

10.  Greet every day as a gift!  I want them to know I feel lucky every day to be alive, and that sharing life with them is my greatest gift of all. 

If I can do all these things, I think my loved ones will be just fine.  Couched in a relationship in which they feel loved, respected, and honored, they’ll figure out all the rest.  And come my 100th birthday, we’ll have plenty to celebrate! Now, I wonder what I should wear….

Adrian Kalikow Adrian has been involved with the education of young children and parents for over 30 years.  With a belief that parenting is the most important job anyone can do, Adrian pursued a program of study through the Parent Coaching Institute at Seattle Pacific University, and became a PCI Certified Parent Coach.  She has a private parent coaching practice, in which she helps individuals, couples and groups deal with their parenting challenges and move toward a better place in their parenting relationships.  Adrian is the parent of three grown children, and sees that experience as her best qualification for her current work, helping parents be the best the can be for their children and themselves.

[paulalcorn]

[paulalcorn]

It has been quite a while since I have been on Tumblr yet I know that some of you still find my posts here. If you have read through some of my ponderings that I have tried to put words around and have appreciated what I have written, I invite you to follow me on my new website.  

[paulalcorn]

Below Zero

The last several days in the Northeast has been bone chillingly cold. Literally. Yesterday it did not get above zero. This morning when I woke up it was -6. I am fortunate. The heat was on in the house. I slept under a down comforter. I woke up and could make myself a cup of coffee and look out the window at the snow.

But, I am very much aware that many are not as fortunate as I am, and that what I take for granted – warmth, a cup of coffee, a safe place to sleep – are luxuries to far too many who live in sub-standard housing or have no housing at all. I wish I had the answer. As long as I am wishing, I wish I had a magic wand. And, while there is always more I can do, the first step for me (and you?!) may be to not take the basic necessities (note the word) for granted.  And, paying attention may be the first step towards actions and attitudes which begin to make a difference.

I am posting less often on this site. If you follow me on Tumblr I invite you to follow me at paulalcorn.com. Thank you.

[paulalcorn]

A New Year's Resolution

The list could be endless, but I have decided that I will focus on only one New Year’s resolution this year and that is to say Hello in Spanish to the Latino workers who I pass by on the streets of the village where I live.

Here is the back story to my resolution. Years ago, we moved to where we live now from a small city in Wisconsin. In Wisconsin, you were expected to acknowledge those whom you walked by on the streets whether you knew them or not. When we moved to Bedford we brought that assumption with us.  Walking down the street we acknowledged and said Hello to those whom we passed by.  No one said Hello back to us.  Most looked down or looked away or looked right through us.  At first we thought it was because we were new to the community.  Now we realize it is just a part of the culture in the communities in and around New York City.  But we still don’t like it.

A few days before Christmas, I passed by and nodded my head at a Latino landscape worker who was walking from his truck to the local deli.  Seeing my smile he responded with a timidHello.  As a result of that exchange I realized that if it was hard for me when others passed by me without acknowledging I was there, how hard must it be for the those who are new, not only to our community, but to our country and for whom English is not their primary language.  If I felt ignored and sometimes “looked through” when I walked down the street, they must feel the same way many times over. For me, the response of others is cultural.  For them, it is exclusionary.

I realized I needed to be a better job at practicing what I preach. I preach about the importance and value of community. I preach about the most important religious question we must ask and answer is: Who is my neighbor? I preach that in God’s Kingdom come all will have enough and all will have a place. And, that can happen… And needs to happen… Right outside my front door. Literally. My saying Buenos Dias reminds me and includes them in the circle of my neighborhood.

I am posting on this blog site less often. If you follow me via Tumblr I invite you to follow me at paulalcorn.com.  Thank you.

[paulalcorn]

Blessing or Privilege???

As we were approaching Thanksgiving, I began to notice how those around me were speaking about the things for which they were thankful.  As they named those things- home, health, food, safety – they would link them to the word blessing.  The more I listened to them the more troubled I became.

Maybe I just over think it, but I believe words matter. And, how we use words matter. In subtle, but powerful ways the words we use both shape and reflect our perceptions. And that is true of both of these words – blessing and privilege. The word blessing connote favor. Something bestowed on us because of who we are. But, I wonder if it is the correct word to use when we say things like: “The blessings of life…” As I asked those to whom I was speaking when I was asked to speak about Thanksgiving, does that mean that those who don’t have what we name as blessings are less blessed than we are or are less grateful.  That doesn’t site well with me and I don’t think that is true.  Some of the most grateful people I have ever met have far less than what I have.

As, I have continued to think about it I wonder if the word we should be using is privilege. Because of the color of my skin… Because of where I was born… Because I am male… Because of more factors than I can really name or know… I have led a privileged life. It has enabled me to become educated. It has opened doors, which were and are sometimes closed to others. It has enabled me to walk down a street and not be questioned. And those things I enjoy for which I am grateful – health, safety, more than enough food, a home larger than most in this world – are more a result of privilege than blessing.  (Yes, I realize that my own hard work and effort have played a part, but others who also work hard often have much less.)

But, we don’t like or want to use that word privilege, do we? Because then we have to grapple with the implications of what that means. And, what our obligation and responsibilities might then be. But, until we do, we will just be fooling ourselves. And, holding others, safely, at arms length.

__________________

And this additional word... Thank you to everyone who has been following me on Tumblr.  I have a new blog at paulalcorn.com which means I am posting less here. I hope you will visit it and follow me there.

[paulalcorn]

For All The Saints

Here is a story from the Bible. From Matthew’s account of the life and ministry of Jesus. And, just in case you were wondering or interested, this is the Paul Alcorn version of the story.

After Jesus and his disciples had been with the crowd of people for several days, Jesus instructed his disciples to get into a boat and travel to the other side of the lake while he dismissed the crowd.  After the disciples had left and the crowds had been dismissed, Jesus went off by himself to pray.  Morning found the disciples still far out on the lake because they had been battling wind and waves all night.  As the darkness gave way, Jesus appeared walking across the water towards the boat.  When the disciples saw him they thought they were seeing a ghost and were deathly afraid.  But Jesus called out to them saying, “Fear not.  It is me.”  Peter replied, “Jesus if it really is you (and you are not just a ghost) bid me come to you walking on the water like you are walking on the water.  Jesus said, “Come.”  So, Peter got out of the boat and started walking on the water towards Jesus.  But, then, instead of looking at Jesus, Peter began to look around at the wind and the waves.   And, in that moment he began to sink.  As he was about to sink beneath the waves, Jesus reached out his hand and caught him saying to him, “You of little faith, why did you doubt.”

This is a wonderful story we would do well to remember. The question it poses to us is this: When the wind and the waves threaten to undo your life and pull you under, where do you look? 

I share this story with you this morning because, while we are 9 days late according to the Christian liturgical calendar, this morning we remember and celebrate All Saints Day. And, not just the great, well known saints – St. Peter, St. Paul, St. Francis – who are a part of our religious history as Christians, but the saints who make up that cloud of witnesses who surround our lives. Those saints who saw in us something beyond what we, at the time, were able to see in ourselves. Those saints whose faith and witness and commitment inspired our own faith and witness and commitment. Those saints who, as long as we keep our eyes looking in their direction, help to keep us on track rather than sink beneath the wind and waves of our lives. For me, among those people are Richard Bell and Sister Pauline and John David Burton. Ordinary people who were and are saints in my life. I wonder who they are for you. A teacher? A parent or grandparent or aunt or uncle? A mentor? A friend? Who? Since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses… May we remember and give thanks.

[paulalcorn]

Bullies In The Locker Room

The whirlwind swirling around the Miami Dolphins football team is not good. While I am sure the situation is more complicated and more nuanced than what I see and read in the news, here is what seems to have taken place.  One player has left the team because of the semi-racists taunts made by at least one other teammate. The teammate who has acknowledged the taunting has has been suspended for bullying. Coaches supposedly told the player who was suspended to “toughen up” the player who walked away. And, the head coach says he knew nothing at all about what was going on in the locker room.

It is bad enough that this has happened. That one person has treated another person in this way. That “toughening him up” meant bullying him. That the head coach disavows any knowledge or responsibility for what happened. But, what is more troubling are the remarks of those who try to justify it by saying that others don’t understand what it is like to play football or what goes on in a football locker room as a way to rationalize that type of behavior.  Or, criticizing the teammate who chose to leave by saying something like “he was just not strong enough to handle it.”

Both of those comments are nonsense. There is nothing manly about either bullying another person or being expected to just take the bullying. There is nothing strong about taunting or teasing or demeaning another person for whatever reason. To think that something like that is acceptable on any level… To think that something like that is normal in any situation or circumstance… Is just plain wrong.

And, apart from what happened in that locker room, to in any way attempt to justify actions like this sends the wrong message to others. If professional athletes can act this way, would it be okay if our high school athletes acted this way? Or, our middle school students? Or, our children on the playground? We need to grow up. And, we need for other athletes in every other sport to stand up and to say… This type of action… This type of behavior… Is just plain wrong. Period.

[paulalcorn]

Post Election Relief

I woke up this morning glad that yesterday’s election is over. Outside of the election for  local officials which, for the most part, was actually civil with a good exchange of ideas and candidates running on their background and credentials, the larger election process was disheartening. Name calling has replaced debate. Demeaning, even demonizing, one’s opponent has become the order of the day. Anger and fear and finger pointing and blame are now considered normal. I can’t tell you how tired I am of it all. And how destructive I think it is to our sense of democracy and the democratic process. I understand why so many people don’t vote. Who wants to participate in a process that, instead of leaving you with the feeling like you have had a voice in the process, leaves you feel dirty and diminished instead.

I am sure most of the people running for public office in our country are good and decent people who care deeply about their communities and their country, but you would never know it from election process. And, if we really care about the country and the communities in which we live… That should make us all stop and think.

P.S. I am grateful for all of you who follow and comment on and even share what I write with others.  Thank you.  While I continue to post some of what I write on my Tumblr blog, I am starting a new blog on a new platform.  I would be honored if you would check it out and, if you chose, to follow me there.  You can find my new blog here.

[paulalcorn]

I Love To Tell The Story

This card sits on my desk among the pictures and other mementos that have gathered there over the years.  I put it there because of what it says.  A saying you have heard me use any number of times.  A line written by the Christian mystic Meister Eckhart: If the only prayer we ever say in our lives is “Thank You”, it will be enough. Sitting where it does so I see it each day, it serves as a reminder that on those occasions when my life and heart are full I am to pause long enough to say Thank you.  And it reminds me, too,  that on those occasions when I am not sure how to pray or what to say when do try to pray, if I can fall back on Thank you it will be enough.

So, this morning, where ever you find yourself or however you are, let us do our best to find words and ways to say Thank you beginning with these verses from Philippians, a letter the Apostle Paul wrote to the early Christian community in Philippi.  Words for today written countless years ago.

I thank my God every time I remember you, constantly praying with joy in every one of my prayers for all of you, because of your sharing in the gospel from the first day until now.  I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work among you will bring it to completion. (verses 3-6) May it be so, O God. May it be so.

If last Sunday was a Sunday to remind you of the importance of all of us doing our part to financially support the ministry and mission of this congregation, this morning is a morning to say Thank you and, in whatever way we can this morning, to give witness to who we are and to what we do and to the gospel values we do our best to represent in the larger communities in which we live. So, let me begin here… In working with congregations, the church consultant, Lyle Schaller, would ask: Would anyone notice if your church suddenly disappeared? For Bedford Presbyterian Church I can unequivocally answer that question with a Yes.

A high school senior might not have found a home or a community which gave him not only a place to live, but an experience of family that has help to launch him into college.

Prayers and support and meals would not have found their way to Frank and Carolyn Mayadas in the same way if you and we were not here.

The idea of Woman2Woman might not have found a place to grow and be realized.  Now 36 women will have their lives transformed.  18 who are incarcerated and 18 who will walk in the prison gates to listen and learn and laugh and cry.

If we were not here…

Peter and Mickey would not have had the same type of space to sell their bracelets for Nicaragua and Laura Williams would not have had a place to collect her stuffed animals to share with other children half a world away and you would not have the privilege of watching them and encouraging them and supporting them which adds not just to their lives, but to your life, as well.

If we were not here…

We would miss the music. Not just what the adult choir shares each Sunday morning. And, not just the joy and energy of the Cherubs and the Choristers. But, the music that resonates within us because we have been here and are a part of this place.  The music of the choir added to the music of the Gospel. Added to the music produced from the deepest and best parts of our own life that we discover in those moments when we find ourselves in that place where human and holy brush up against each other; where God comes close and we come close to God.

If we were not here… The list goes on and on. Friendships. Phone calls. Food pantry. Quilting. Care Team. Community. Homes rebuilt. Help extended. Hope restored. If we were not here… So much would be missing. 

And, at the end of all those lists… Or, at the end of the one or two parts of this community of faith which mean the most to you; Which touch and nurture and sustain the deepest and best part of you and moves you that much closer to who God calls you to be… At the end of all of that add your Thank you. And, then, the rest of us will add our Thank you to yours. Am I right?

So for all we are… And all we do well… And, all we try even if it doesn’t always go as we had hoped or planned… For all that touches us and transforms us… For all that moves us just that much closer to God’s Kingdom come… For all that and more… Thank you, O God.

[paulalcorn]

Sadness

I am sad today. We received word this morning that a person who has been a part of our congregation/community is dying.  For those who know her and love her, all this is happening too soon and too fast.  She had too much life left even as her life has slipped away. There are no right words to say. Nothing to be said or done that will make it all better. Just sadness. 

I go through the motions of what needs to get done… Identifying mentors for our Confirmation program. Planning for our Interfaith Thanksgiving service. Jotting down thoughts for my message on Sunday Each task surrounded by the emptiness of the moment. 

All I can really do is allow my heart to be broken just a bit; And to pray without having to trust in words.

P.S. Just a reminder that I am moving my blog to a new platform and new look. If you have been following me on Tumblr, I invite you to follow me at a paulalcorn.com

[paulalcorn]

We Get There By Walking

I began writing a blog a couple of years ago. Part of the reason for doing so was to connect or to stay connected with people beyond those whom I see on a regular basis. Part of the reason was the discipline of writing. Writing several times each week has become something of spiritual discipline for me forcing me to carve out time to pay attention to who I am and how I am and where I am.  And to see and name those points of intersection between my faith, my best values and the world in which I live. Now, a couple of years later it is time for a change. New platform. New name. For those of you who have been following my blog through Tumblr, thank you. Through likes, reposts and comments I have appreciated knowing that something of what I have been thinking and writing resonated with you.  Now, I invite (and hope!) you to follow me using my website - paulalcorn.com

For a while, at least, I will continue to post on both this blog and my new blog, but eventually will only do one. I hope you make the transition with me.

[paulalcorn]

We Begin This Evening...

Tonight we will sit down together. I don't know how many of us it will be. Ten or so around a table? Twenty or so around a couple tables? Maybe more. Tonight we will sit down and begin a conversation about racism and prejudice as it is experienced in our communities and a part of our cultural fabric. In the deepest and most honest part of me I know it is a conversation we need to have. A conversation I need to have.

As I have thought about our conversation this evening, I have to say I hope it makes me squirm in my seat. I hope it makes me stand face to face with a part of myself and a part of my community that, too often, gets politely gets swept under the rug. I hope I walk away...I hope all of us walk away...a bit unsettled and uneasy.

We are long past the point of polite conversations about racism and prejudice. We don't need to shout at each other or point fingers at each other or blame each other, but we do need to be honest with each other. And for those of us who are white, we need to step back from and acknowledge our position of privilege and to do our best to catch a glimpse of what the world looks like and feels like from the perspective of those who are not as privileged as we are.

Tonight we begin the conversation. It is about time.

[paulalcorn]

A Prayer...

Meet us where we are, O God, but leave us not there. Meet us in our joy and then turn us towards wisdom. Meet us in our brokenness and lead us towards wholeness. Meet us in our sorrow and beckon that we follow You In the direction of healing. Meet us in our comfort and our contentment; And call us towards compassion. Meet us in our bondage and show us the way of freedom. Meet us in our gratitude and lead us towards generosity. Meet us, O God… Here… Now… Just as we are. And, lead us towards who we are called to be. Amen

[paulalcorn]

Winners and Losers

When I was channel surfing last night I paused for a moment on the local access station and listened to a high school coach who was being interviewed. One comment he made caught my attention. "Of course, we always want to win," he said. 

I found myself thinking about the impact of that way of thinking. So many facets of our lives are defined by the construct of winning and losing.  Not just with sporting events, but also in our work and in our politics, and even our relationships. Did we win or have we lost? Of course, there can only be one winner, right? The rest of us or the rest of the time we are the losers. We remember and celebrate and glorify the winners. The losers - most of us - are first criticized for not trying hard enough or fighting hard enough or being good enough and then forgotten. What an awful way to live.

In the interest of honesty and full disclosure, I haven't always thought this way. By nature I am competitive both in the sports in which I competed and with the teams that I have helped to coach. And, competitive, too, in other areas of my life. Looking back on it now, I wish I had done it differently, especially when I was working with children and youth.

Instead of talking only about winning, I wish the coach had said something like this: "Of course we always enjoy winning, but what I stress with my team, in each game we play, is for each person to do their best." That is the message we need to be giving to our youth. And, to our elected officials. And, to our co-workers. And, to ourselves. At least, I need to say it over and over again to myself. In the moment we have... For the task at hand... Can we bring our best and do our best? Maybe if we approached life from that vantage point we would all be just a bit healthier and happier. And, if we are able to do that much, we will have accomplished a great deal.