triple threat

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@pausepanicstab
triple threat
Maria Skłodowska-Curie's notebooks are crazy once you think about it. They're so radioactive they have to be sealed in a lead box. Imagine a world where atomic theory is forgotten and a dude just goes "yea there's a book that details the secrets of the universe, the machinations of the creation of existence down to its barest essentials, but if you get close to it you fucking die. The more you read it the more your body slowly disassembles into mush." like wat excuse me
would you draw more batlantern??? i loveee the way you draw them
'Jason didn't want to go to Gotham he only went because Damian went and he wanted to keep Damian safe' YES. GOOD. BUT LET ME RAISE YOU: Damian had no interest in going to Gotham, and he only went because Talia pulled the good ol' trick of 'you can only go if you take your little brother' and Jason had to drag Damian along in order to get permission.
"Fine." Talia said, crossing her arms as Jason perked up. "I will fund it, and allow permission for the league to provide assistance with whatever you need to establish a base in Gotham. But," She added, raising an eyebrow. "You have to take your brother with you. I want him to experience Gotham and train under his father's tutelage. You can only go if you take him."
Delighted, Jason grinned and spun around to stare across the room at where Damian was sat, book in hand. Damian made eye contact with him, face blank in the face of his older brother's hopefulness.
"No." He told him dryly. Jason's face collapsed.
~
"C'mon, Dames! It will be fun! We can go sightseeing!"
"I'm. Not. Going."
"But Talia said I can't go if you don't come!"
"That's not my problem. Gotham is a shithole."
"But you'll get to meet your dad."
"I've gotten this far without Bruce Wayne imposing a curfew on me, I'm not giving that up now."
"But Damian-"
"NO."
"YOU'RE SO STUBBORN."
~
eventually jason bribes/drags damian along with him and damian is just. supremely pissed off about it. he's not usually Like This, he's actually usually quite an easy-going kid; but he is not happy about being forced to play along as 'son of the bat' just so jason gets to play crime lord and kill the joker, so he's mostly acting up in an attempt to get kicked out and sent back to the league. jason gets weekly voice messages from the poor kid just angrily ranting about how ridiculous it is that they haven't reached their limit with him yet.
"first thing i did when i got there was fully insult their beloved pennyworth and then start treating everybody like they were my servant, and then last night i legitimately tried to murder tim. you know what bruce did akhi? do you? he grounded me for a weekend. like what the fu-"
-
"i stabbed one of my classmates with a fork and dick took me out for fucking ice cream and told me it was ok to struggle with adjusting like what the fuck do i have to fucking do to get sent back to nanda parbat this is ridiculous. you know tim offered to teach me how to skateboard yesterday? i publicly tried to poison him last week and he does not care. i dunno what the fuck you did to him at titans tower but that little bitch is fucking immune to people trying to kill him. i overheard him and bruce talking about giving me robin. GIVING ME ROBIN- ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?! WHY AM I BEING PROMOTED HERE? at this point i might just kill myself."
-
"Have you considered just playing happy family with them?" Jason asked him one night, during a phone call taking place while Damian was actively building a smoke bomb to set off in Dick's bedroom.
"Have you considered killing yourself and this time fucking staying there?"
"Sheesh." He snorted. "You're grumpy tonight."
"They're taking me to a fucking movie premier tomorrow. I'm gonna be on the red carpet."
"Oh shit what movie?"
"THAT'S NOT THE FUCKING POINT."
anyway fuck damian dedicating his life to being bruce's blood son give me damian who absolutely despises everything about this and give me jason who enjoys watching his little brother suffer immensely.
Damian: The fact that animals that care for their young will sometimes adopt others' lost or orphaned young to raise alongside their own is just so funny to me. I know that it's all hormonal and there's no conscious thought involved in it, but the internal logic of it is so funny.
Bruce: Baby = success. More baby = more success. I have one baby and I found six other baby. I have seven baby. I am being so fucking successful right now.
alternatively Damian keeps Jason a secret once he gets to Gotham so he can keep getting away with stuff.
like, Damian grew up attached to Jason's side. they know each other better than they know themselves, and Jason especially has a certain affinity for knowing exactly what Damian's thinking at any given point.
of course. he's also Damian's older brother. was he a bad influence? yes. but he was also a protective motherfucker that was an EXPERT as ruining Damian's fun whenever he decided to act responsible. Damian couldn't do SHIT without Jason knowing.
but then? they get split up. Damian's sent to Gotham. Jason gets caught up with the outlaws and then Crime Alley. Damian is, for the first time since his beloved brother rose out of the pit, without the Red Hood's supervision.
the bats are sweet of course, they try their hardest; but they have no idea what Damian's life was like pre-Gotham. it's not like Talia gave Bruce a manual of how to take care and rule over a rebellious Damian Al Ghul. the only knowledge they ever get about how Damian lives comes straight from Damian's own mouth.
Damian uses this to his advantage. he feels as the youngest of a shitton of overbearing older siblings, he at least deserves that.
Bruce, catching Damian with a bottle of whiskey straight out of his office cabinet: Damian! you can't drink, what are you doing!??!? do you WANT me to take Robin away??
Damian:
Damian, three glasses in and pure bullshitting: ...grandfather would demand i drink alcohol twice weekly to ensure my tolerance of intoxication stayed up to his standards. is that not the case here?
Bruce:
Bruce, devastated: *quietly takes bottle* ok well... you aren't in trouble... but please don't do that again...
like. they have no way to prove ANYTHING Damian says is wrong. Damian is getting away with EVERYTHING. so when Red Hood starts getting into trouble with the bats of course Damian is 'loving' enough to not let anybody know that Jason's alive. he doesn't want his big brother coming around and snitching on him.
of course, Dick is too persistent. Tim is too lovable. Bruce is too apologetic. and Jason misses his kid demon brat too much. it was only a matter of time. the first time he gets foiled is precisely a week after Jason fully makes good with Bruce and agrees to start coming back to the manor after patrols. it's almost 2 AM, Damian has school in the morning, and he wants to finish playing that video game Tim got him hooked on a few days prior.
"I'm going to start up the Xbox in the main living area, if you plan on socialising please keep to the kitchen," He informs everyone, shrugging off the last of his Robin gear and heading towards the stairs. everybody else only hummed their agreeal, not even blinking at his behaviour. Jason, however, instantly snorts, stopping Damian in his tracks with a heavy hand on the nape of his neck.
"Uhm, 'scuze me you little shit," He says, raising an eyebrow down at the scowling child pointedly. "I don't think so. You know your bedtime is 10PM."
"We went on patrol," Damian gritted out quickly, reminding him. "Bedtimes are null, surely you know."
Jason laughed. "And surely you know that Ra's told you that on the occasions when missions kept you up later than 10, you havta' go to bed the second you're finished with no electronics or caffine. Patrol's the same deal habibi, up you go."
"Wait..." Dick interuppted, sounding confused. "Damian had a bedtime at the league?"
Damian shut his eyes in resignation, knowing he was caught.
"Course he did," Jason said skeptically. "You think Ra's and Talia were stupid? No way he would have gotten through training without passing out if he wasn't made to get enough sleep for his age. They were harsh, not illogical."
Bruce furrowed his brow, now starting to sense that he'd been duped. "But he told me that he had been trained since birth to not need as much sleep as children his age; that he'd been modified in Ra's labs to do so and had never had a bed time or curfew."
Jason looked at the confused faces of Tim, Dick, and Bruce as if they were stupid. His head whipped down to stare at Damian, who refused to make eye contact.
"...Fuck you been telling these guys, Day?"
Damian spun on his heel and quickened his pace up the stairs without a word, eager to escape. He stopped just after rounding a corner, holding his breath or eavesdrop right as he heard Tim inquire, "So uh... yo, Jason? I have a question about whether or not Damian was allowed to smoke cigarettes at the league. Because that's what he told me and Dick."
"You've been letting him smoke cigarettes-?" Bruce started, scandalised. Dick's voice cut him off.
"He TOLD us that Talia LET HIM."
"And you believed him?"
"Hey hey hey, you're the one that believed it was part of his home culture to eat nothing but caramel covered pancakes for dinner every Thursday!"
A pause. Sounding betrayed, Bruce asked, "...So is that not true?"
"Jesus fucking Christ." Damian heard Jason drawl from the cave, sounding both severely unimpressed and slightly amused. "Kid's been fuckin' runnin' circles round you lot, ain't he?"
I've talked about the Robins and their relationship with Two Face, Ra's, Penguin, Poison Ivy, Mr Freeze and The Riddler. But I was also asked about how the Robins are treated by Catwoman on patrol (@lost-my-gender-in-the-war) and I always chuckle over it because there are so many relationships at play here: dad's girlfriend, possible mother figure, cat burglar, uncertain ally, nice lady you sometimes meet in the kitchen in the early hours.
Dick: *tugging Selina's sleeve*
Catwoman, startled: Jesus, kid, what the hell are you?
Dick, grinning and so proud he looks likes he's about to burst: I'm Robin.
Catwoman, confused as fuck: Ah...
Dick: Are you Batman's girlfriend?
Catwoman: Um
Dick: Because I met his other girlfriend the other night-
Catwoman: His what now?
Dick: I just want to say that she's not as cool as you. I mean she's a really pretty lady and she gave me a soda when I got up to get water but she's not a superhero like you.
Catwoman, vividly recalling her last date night at Bruce Wayne's Manor and Bruce's kid appearing behind her in the kitchen asking for water: Oh, you don't say. Tell me, where is your dad now?
Dick: *motioning behind him*
Catwoman: Why don't you tell him that I'm going to rob the Museum in five minutes? Tell him that it might he best if you headed home for that night.
Dick: Why?
Catwoman: Oh, Batman and I are going to have to... Um, talk this out. May take a while. Besides, you got school tomorrow, don't you?
Catwoman: And then he's all like, I can save you.
12 yo Jason, dragging a drag of a cigarette: Yeah, dumb 1-percenters.
Catwoman: See you get it.
Jason: I mean he's always on my back about putting Robin before my studies. Just because I'm from Crime Allwy doesn't mean I can't multi-task. Besides, it's 6th grade. So-
Catwoman: 6th Grade?
Jason:
Catwoman, yanking the cigarette out of his mouth that she totally gave him: Why can't that man make age appropriate friends?
Catwoman: Robin, you're too late. That diamond is-
Tim: Yeah, Batman's got it. No, what I want to address is your thievery of my Captain Crunch on your last booty call with my father.
Catwoman:
Tim: Oh, what? Cat got your tongue? It was the last bowl.
Catwoman: Batman, you motherfucker.
Bruce, literally chilling on a high rise: What?
Catwoman, gesturing to Steph who is holding her hand: The first female Robin and you make her feel like shit? What's the matter with you?
Bruce, hurt: Catwoman, baby, I-
Catwoman: She gets a new costume. She gets all the gadgets the boys got. And she gets to drive the Batmobile. And you know what will happen if any of these terms aren't met.
Bruce:
Bruce: Yes, dear.
Steph, later: You didn't have to go that hard, Selina.
Catwoman: Maybe but sometimes you have to keep men on their toes do they know the consequences of fucking with you. You have to remind them that you aren't a commodity or luxury or anything they can brush off. You are a person.
Steph: *nodding*
Catwoman: *admiring her new tennis bracelet*
Damian: I understand you are in a complicated sexual liason with my father from time to time but please understand this in no way entitles you to act in a mothering capacity.
Catwoman: Understood.
*enters kitten*
Damian, completely in love: Who is this alrajul alsaghir?
Catwoman: I haven't named him yet. Do you want to keep him? I have a lot of cats and they need a good home.
Damian, cuddling the kitten: We can be acquaintances.
Catwoman, to herself: Scary assassin baby, evil personified? Hard nut to crack? My ass.
Robins meeting the JL comes in Stages
First, Superman senses little heartbeat and Batman is clearly moving a little stiffer on one side and hmm, yes, that was definitely a tiny giggle under the cloak. But this is an important meeting and Bats looks extra annoyed today besides Ma Kent did warm him about spoiling pregnancy reveals so he says nothing just incase somebody is hiding a secret. The meeting ends. Mission 1: remain undetected. Completed.
Then one of the JL members is alone in the Watchtower, they were on patrol earlier and now they're alone while the others are out. Barry, probably, is in the kitchen fixing himself a grilled cheese when he hears... Is that a child laughing? Cure him wandering the corridor as slow as possible, butterknife in hand, ears pricked up. There's a hint of laughter all around him, down that darkened hallway, over his head in the vent, in that cupboard but when he investigates, nothing. He gets the shit scared out of him by Cyborg who just rolls his eyes when Barry tells him the tower is haunted. Mission 2: evade capture. Completed.
Then, one evening the JL is sat around the table, it's been a day. Then Green Arrow just jumps put of his seat, clutching the back of his neck. He lifts his hand and he's like "a fucking spit ball? Barry?" and Barry is like "it wasn't me?" They're about to go at it but Bats tells them to sit down, they got to finish the paperwork. They do and then Barry all but leaps up, curses loudly, clutching his ass. There's a thumbtack on the seat, green which are Green Arrow's, Barry knows this because Oliver made the fuss of colour co-ordination and now they all have assigned pins. Oliver either orchastrated this or was careless, either way Barry blames him. This leads to a ten minute breakdown of communication. Mission 3: covert tactical strikes against powerful targets. Complete.
It starts when Hal can't find his favourite mug. He left it down for five minutes. It was right there, beside him on the JL table and Clark was the only other person in the room so, where did the big galoot put it? Cue two grown men tearing the place apart for the file. Clark eventually convinces Hal to retrace his steps. They don't find the mug on the way and head back to board room and lo and behold, there's the mug on the table and Hal loses it. Mission 4: Retrieval of evidence. Complete.
Lastly, all the alarms go off. There's an intruder. They see the guy on the cameras, small, quick, darting over their defenses like... He knows what's coming? The JL fan out, trying to catch the guy who to their horror has a stack of case files under his arm. But somehow the little twerp manages to get away somehow. Mission 5: evade capture. Complete.
The JL page Bats because he was running late and of course he's going to chew them out because how many times did he tell them to upload that information into the system? It's not going to be a good day.
Bats comes in, all drama in the cape and cowl with... It's the small thief, holding all the files looking mightily please with himself. Batman introduces the guy as Robin, who on the removal of his mask, the JL are shocked to see he's barely eight years old, grinning a gap toothed smile. It comes together for them all that this was some sort of initiation for the little guy and Bats confirms it. Robin needed to prove he could be trusted to follow out missions and outsmart/manoeuvre the JL when needed. Robin is excited to meet them all officially, especially Supes but unfortunately, the JL didn't pass their mission and Batman isn't keen on letting a Robin be around a team that let an eight year old outwit them so Robin has to go home. Both the JL and the future Robins have to earn the right to be around each other. Mission 6: Don't form attachments. Failed.
An idea I've had for a while is JLA meet the Batfam kind of thing but instead of the kids, it's Talia.
The JLA know the Talia Al Ghul, the assassin princess stuff already.
Instead they discover that Batman and her are a divorced couple with feelings involved.
What do you think?
Picture it, the Watchtower.
Bruce: Talia, you can't just show up-
Talia: One of us has to. Damian tells me you missed his soccer game.
Bruce: It was tryouts and he told me not to come. He wanted me to work on catching Professor Pyg-
Talia: Do your enemies send you Father's Day cards? No? Then they aren't your children.
Bruce: I'll have you know that the Joker does.
Talia:
Bruce:
Talia: And another thing, Damian made several spelling and grammar mistakes in his last threatening letter to my father. I asked you to make sure he didn't lose his Mandarin or his Arabic.
Bruce: Well, he's learning Japanese. Maybe he's mixing-
Talia: I don't care what language he is learning, but you are sending him to the after school courses I found for him.
Bruce:
Talia: oh, so you're not only ignoring our son but his culture too. I suppose I should be thankful that you don't pay child support.
Bruce: Oh yeah, sure, throw that in my face. We all get it, your father is wealthier that me.
Talia: We're comfortable.
Rest of the JLA:
How it ended
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People (capes and civilians alike) simping over Bruce and the Batkids finding it gross and being 100% down to physically fight these people is all well and good, 10/10 BUT CONSIDER-
Some people spotting the well dressed, strong-upper-lipped british butler with salt and pepper hair and a wicked glare and thinking ‘would’. Now you have the Batkids AND Bruce gunning for your ass.
(Wally) Flash: So…Nightwing. You know your fancy ass butler? Batman’s batman?
Nightwing: Yes, I am acquainted with Alfred.
Flash: Is there…is there, like, a Mrs Pennyworth, or…??
Nightwing: If you ever ask me if my grandfather is single again, I will set the Bat Hound on you-
I like to think that Damian and Dick have a close relationship in any universe.
Sometimes, Dick adopts Damian while Bruce is thought to be dead.
Sometimes, he nearly adopts Damian but remains the supportive big brother because Bruce comes back before the adoption can happen.
Sometimes, Damian joins the family earlier and Dick is the best most excited big brother ever because this is his first little sibling (even if he is mad that he has to share Damian with Talia of all people).
Even if it’s reverse Robins, I think they’d still be close. In some universes, Damian is the one who adopts Dick instead of Bruce.
Or Damian brings Dick home and insists Bruce adopt him.
Or Damian comes home to find yet another adopted sibling, but finds he doesn’t really mind this one so much. In fact, he finds he actually likes Dick instead of just tolerating him like so many of the others.
In so many universes, it’s the older brother Dick who helps Damian find his place in the family. But in some, it’s an older Damian who helps Dick realize he can have a family again even though his first family died.
Idk I just love them so much
Thinking more about Bruce adopting or at least taking in Connor and have Thoughts™
Bruce gives him his own room at the Manor and Connor is so shell shocked that he gets his own space and privacy and what-even-is-that- that he breaks down. He didn't even know he was capable of tears
Bruce gives him some of his old clothes, too small sweaters, some of Dick's old stuff, a few of Jason's sweatpants that he doesn't really wear, a few of Damian and Tim's shirt, and even one of Steph's hoodies.
He offers to take him out to buy more clothes later, but Kon prefers the hand me downs, unlike most kids. Because it means he's family- because he's not just wearing Bruce's symbol and his colors, he's also wearing his private clothes, he's wearing the family hand me downs. They still smell faintly of their original owners, too. So that's a plus.
Connor doesn't know what he likes. For as long as he could tell, he's been told what to do, and doesn't have a choice.
Damian takes him to the zoo and Connor realizes that he likes animals. Maybe not as much as Damian does, but he likes them. Ace finds him in his room later that night and curls up on top of his chest.
Steph and Tim drag him out to the mall with them, taking him into Bath and Body Works and book shops and record stores, letting him taste samples and buying him soaps he likes and songs he finds catchy
Cass shows him how to move his body- how to dance, without hurting anyone. He's a little gangly, a little stilted and uncoordinated, but its fun. Connor has never had fun before. Bruce teaches him how to dance using his larger muscle mass. He waltzes with Cass and she beams at him.
Duke takes him to explore the streets, taking him to the best bodega's and diners around, so that he can pick his favorite and report back to the others so they all know where Kon's patrol route should go along.
Then they go play soccer with a couple kids at the park. Connor doesn't understand why kicking a ball is so fun, but the kids scream and cheer and fight over who gets to have him on a team and Kon feels like he could fly. He does, a little. Duke pulls him back down before he reveals anything.
Maybe a month or so in, Barbara asks if he can come over and help her move some boxes. Connor is a little trepidations, he doesn't know the elusive Oracle that well, but says of course. She has him move some stuff she can't do as well from her wheelchair and they talk. It's nice. She asks him to stay for dinner, and Dick pops in the window. They're fun. Connor doesn't know if they're what normal people are like- normal people don't come knocking on the window of a forty story building- but if they aren't then he doesn't want normal. They flirt and tease and laugh and treat Connor like one of their own and-
Dick asks Connor to take him flying, because he used to love it when Clark did so. Connor winces at the comparison, but Dick knows- he spent his childhood in the air, and teaches him how to flex his stomach and twist his legs, how to do sharp turns and rolls mid air and Connor loves flying
He's been living at the Manor for maybe a year and a half, when Bruce asks to talk to him.
He's been asked to talk a hundred times now, so the words don't strike anxiety into him.
Until Bruce asks when he's moving out.
Connor flinches full body.
But Bruce immediately apologizes, takes his hand so he can't escape, and backtracks.
"Not like that, Con. I promise you, I would love if you stayed here with me and Alfred forever. But... my other children have all moved out- except Duke and Damian, they're not of age yet- and I was just curious if you wanted a space of your own. That's all. I know Tim is looking for a roommate."
It makes him warm and fuzzy to be lumped in with the "other children". And... well, living with Tim would be fun, he guesses. But he has his own space. He has his own room. And everyone knocks before coming in and the Manor is so big and it's warm and it's home. And sure, he likes visiting Dick and Barbara and Steph and Tim in their apartments, but... he likes being so close to everyone.
Since he moved in, they've all been closer to home anyway, and Connor likes the sound of that word. Home. He likes having his own space, his room, but he also likes being so close to them- likes having only to open the door and cross the hall and have Damian and Duke and Bruce and Alfred right there. Likes having a family.
When he stutters through this explanation to Bruce, the man wraps him in a hug so tight Connor wonders if it would've broken his ribs were he not Kryptonian.
But he likes it.