obsessed with vegaspete’s codependency. they know it’s unhealthy, it’s what fucks pete up for a while. he doesn’t understand why he craves vegas so much, why he cannot breathe without him. he accepts his attachment and attraction to him but he cannot wrap his head around his dependency and his desire to be with vegas.
because, see. vegas realized pete had feelings for him before pete, himself, did. he knew that as much as pete might hate him for what he’s done, he hated vegas more for making him feel the way he did. he hated vegas for the storm he caused inside pete because pete couldn’t exist anymore the same way he did before. he couldn’t put on his fake smile and be a loyal little dog to the major family. every part of him craved vegas, missed him. and it was fucking unexplainable because he shouldn’t feel this way, not about vegas. and not about anyone, after such a short time.
and vegas — him saying he loves pete, it was fast. especially given how little he actually knows about pete but at the same time, he knows sides of pete nobody else does. he knows things so deeply hidden about him that just him knowing about these parts changed everything. so yes, it might have been fast, but vegas never learnt how to love in a healthy way (and his love for macau can’t even be brought into this conversation). he never learnt how to love, probably was never allowed to but the one time he let his guard down enough to let someone in, to let someone see him, he fell, hard. because he saw himself in pete, he felt understood, listened to, he felt accepted, he felt his intensity being returned and for vegas, that’s all he ever wanted. he’s already shown to have a bit of an obsessive streak so him becoming obsessed and so attached to pete so quick is not a surprise. he was ready to start a new life with pete, someone he’s “known” — really, truly known, for like a week. and i think vegas recognizes immediately that this is fucked up, that it’s a little insane and intense, and it dawns on him even more when pete escapes.
once back at the major family, while pete is trying to unpack his feelings for vegas, the romantic connection, the burning need for vegas — not necessarily just sexual, but overall need to exist with vegas by his side, vegas is a step further. he already recognized this part in himself, he knows he cannot live without pete. but what’s even more important, he knows that pete cannot live without him either. they crave each other in such a deprived, primal way because they’re the only ones who really know the other one.
and then vegas spits it in pete’s face — shoot me! i don’t think you can and you know why, — and pete can’t ignore it anymore because vegas is in front of him again and against everything in him telling him to just shoot him, he can’t. he is the only person pete allows himself to be pete with, he might be the source of his misery but he’s there to catch pete when he falls apart in his arms. and again, it’s fucked, but all throughout the evening, pete has been miserable. and when vegas showed up, yes, he was still miserable for ten new reasons now, too, but at least he was with vegas again.
and then. and then the parking lot scene. pete doesn’t want vegas dead. pete wants to rip out his heart and vegas with it, but can’t. when vegas is in real danger — of getting shot by others, he saves him by shooting him instead. pete wants vegas to hurt the same way he did, throws all of his conflicted feelings into every punch and vegas takes it because he deserves it. because he knows he deserves way more than this. but then vegas asks him to kill him, if it comes to it, and pete’s brain freezes. because no, no, no, no, fucknonono. he can’t have vegas dead. he can’t lose vegas. he cannot live without vegas, nononono. i think that’s when it dawns on him, that he cannot live without vegas, no matter how little sense it makes. and then vegas says he loves him and kisses him, all bloody, and runs away and fuck. pete knows he could lose vegas any second and he can’t deal with that.
pete gives up everything he knew for vegas and in such a short span of time — between the parking lot scene and the pool one, he’s come to accept that he cannot live without vegas. he wants him, all of him, with all of their fucked up history, he needs vegas. and then vegas tries to push him away and pete is on his knees, begging to be with him and it’s so fucked up that he wants to belong to vegas, but he really does want all of it. i think in his desperation to get vegas to listen is the first time he allows himself to be truly honest about the depth of his feelings, because he has to show vegas he wants him just as much as vegas wants pete. that vegas might have lost everything, but pete gave up everything for him.
and then vegas gets shot and pete falls apart, and screams in agony and spends who knows how long by his bedside, waiting for vegas to wake up. pete killed for vegas without a second thought, without hesitation and that’s something he probably had to deal with. imagine the desperation while not knowing if vegas would ever recover, waiting for him to come out of surgery. fearing what would happen once he wakes up because what if he has lasting injuries? and even more than that, vegas lost his father and his family title, he truly only has pete and macau now — how will he deal with that? how will pete deal with that?
but vegas wakes up and while i’m sure his recovery is nowhere near an easy one, his feelings for pete are unchanged. pete was awake while vegas was recovering and he had plenty of time to think and overthink their relationship and his feelings for vegas, but vegas had been asleep. and then vegas woke up and he said that pete is the most important person in his life and they probably both know how fucking insane that is, given everything and their time together, but he’s not even lying (macau is always implied to be the most important and loved in his life, too) and at that point, pete feels the same way.
and we could say that maybe they’re only this codependent because so much insane and intense shit was squeezed into such a short span of time but no — no. vegas, by nature, is undoubtedly an intense person. he is So Much, he feels So Much and with burning intensity. he doesn’t half ass anything, he is a 110% type of person but it’s always been somewhat downplayed because nobody could really handle such a big bite. until pete. because sweet, funny pete, who seemed so mellow and vanilla in every way, almost watered down, i’d say, turned out to be someone who could match this intensity with his own. his is not the same as vegas’, i wouldn’t say that. they complete each other in a very interesting way, because they can both go high and low — pete can match vegas’ fervor, he can even add more fuel to it but vegas can also match pete’s because pete is a safe space for him to be himself, to show a calmer, gentler side of himself, to slow down for a second and just breathe.
they work wonderfully together, even if it’s a little dysfunctional at times, but they both recognize that without each other, they would fall apart. they’ve both seen the light at the end of the tunnel and the depths of the darkness with and thanks to each other and they cannot let go, cannot let go of finally being allowed to be just themselves with someone and being loved for it.
kianamaiart
pixelskylines
snowghoul
titsay
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
amandla
theartofmadeline
romaincrisis
