Happiness

This blog is changing with me.

[romcommunist]

i went to the cooking competition and all of the chefs kept yelling “cast iron pan” but i dont even know how to use that damn spell yet im not a high enough level

[this-road-to-hell]

My therapist: just because you made a plan doesn’t mean you’ll always follow it perfectly, and that’s okay. It’s better to follow a plan cursorily than not at all.

Me, sobbing: THAT WAS AN OPTION???

[abcsofadhd]

Oh, this is super important.

⠀

When trying new coping strategies or learning a new habit, you’ll fail. Possibly many many times.

But that’s alright! No one just PICKS it up immediately. 

⠀

You’re trying to learn to do it sometimes, and then occasionally, and then more often than not, and finally every time!

Similarly, you might fail in any plan or timetable you’re trying to use.

But that’s alright! 

As OP’s therapist said, it doesn’t have to be perfect! In fact, no one can pick it up immediately. 

⠀

Doing things OCCASIONALLY is better than not doing it at all.

Doing things LATE is better than not doing it at all.

Doing things PARTIALLY is better than not doing it at all.

[kipplekipple]

Also don’t aim for perfection. Just aim for as best you can, ideally a little better than last time. But? There will be ups and downs. That isn’t a flaw in you or your techniques, it’s just how people work.

[abcsofadhd]

Indeed. 

Let me also post OP’s tags cause it had another good point.

You control your timetable, it doesn’t control you!

You can follow it and stop following it as you want. 

It doesn’t control you. You control it.

It’s not a restriction but a guide. Don’t follow if you don’t want to. Don’t feel obligated. 

[cosandarts]

This is so important

Also, if you’re planning to do something for 30 days, is it not nessecerally to do it 30 days in a row. 7+ 1 not +23 works just fine. It is better than 7 stop

[abcsofadhd]

The sheer, all consuming emptiness of ADHD

Aweful thing about adhd is the sheer emptiness when you havent done anything for a while that gets the dopamine flowing. Its not numbness like depression, it’s pure emptiness.

From my experience, it seems to be more common in people with more inattentive symptoms and the more severe the symptoms, the more empty you feel.

The emptiness is probably the worst things I’ve ever felt; at my worst I have found myself wishing I was heartbroken or that my depression was back, just so the sheer emptiness would go away.

Its awful, awful, awful, awful, awful.

[abcsofadhd]

I haven’t tasted the emptiness in a while. I’ve said RSD is the worst part of ADHD but even blinding emotional pain is easier than the sheer emptiness. I have poked holes at healing emotional scars just to rid myself of the emptiness. 

I’m usually quite optimistic so you can see from my words how much I hate it. My suicidal idealization stemmed from this feeling when I was a teen. 

If you feel this way, get help immediately. I cannot stress this enough.

[buggybrains]

Understimulation and its effects on someone, especially with ADHD, are never talked about enough. If you do not have adequate stimulation that your brain needs, it will naturally end up attacking itself, and this process happens much more rapidly and severely in people with ADHD. It’s not something I always recognized either, since in some cases instead of feeling empty, there are times your brain will completely overthink itself in an attempt to fill in the empty space. Its one reason why I found out I feel more awful past midnight: no one else was awake then and I wasn’t recieving social stimulation.

This is also why maladaptive daydreaming is so incredibly common with people with ADHD. Its basically a no-effort, instant-feedback system to cope with inadequate stimulation and meet these needs they couldn’t get otherwise, even though its far from an ideal method.

[13faeinapenguinsuit]

This is so important. Chronic understimulation can be exceptionally dangerous. Learn the red flags. Learn the little things that help in the short term. And if you don’t have a plan for the long term, I my personal recommendation is a therapist specializing in ADHD.

I know that isn’t possible for everyone - that’s okay. There are many of us out there that are willing to share the things that we have learned that work for us (or don’t).

Ask. Most of us will at least share our experiences.

[rsingwriting]

I saw a post talking about how Terry Pratchett only wrote 400 words a day, how that goal helped him write literally dozens of books before he died. So I reduced my own daily word goal. I went down from 1,000 to 200. With that 800-word wall taken down, I’ve been writing more. “I won’t get on tumblr/watch TV/draw/read until I hit my word goal” used to be something I said as self-restraint. And when I inevitably couldn’t cough up four pages in one sitting, I felt like garbage, and the pleasurable hobbies I had planned on felt like I was cheating myself when I just gave up. Now it’s something I say because I just have to finish this scene, just have to round out this conversation, can’t stop now, because I’m enjoying myself, I’m having an amazing time writing. Something that hasn’t been true of my original works since middle school. 

And sometimes I think, “Well, two hundred is technically less than four hundred.” And I have to stop myself, because - I am writing half as much as Terry Pratchett. Terry fucking Pratchett, who not only published regularly up until his death, but published books that were consistently good. 

And this has also been an immense help as a writer with ADHD, because I don’t feel bad when I take a break from writing - two hundred words works up quick, after all. If I take a break at 150, I have a whole day to write 50 more words, and I’ve rarely written less than 200 words and not felt the need to keep writing because I need to tie up a loose end anyways. 

Yes, sometimes, I do not produce a single thing worth keeping in those two hundred words. But it’s much easier to edit two hundred words of bad writing than it is to edit no writing at all.

[petermorwood]

Something else to thank Pterry for. :->

[chandelyer-deactivated20241003]

Rayane Bacha fall 2019 couture p.1

[century-of-the-fruitbat]

@strikeofeva666

[official-lucifers-child]

here’s a few tips, especially if you’re cis:

someone’s AGAB is not your fucking business

someone’s deadname is not your fucking business

someone’s transition is not your fucking business

someone’s gender dysphoria is not your fucking business

someone’s previous labels and identities are none of your fucking business

if you know someone’s deadname, just fucking ignore it. do NOT EVER introduce a trans person or talk about them like “this is steve but he used to be sarah” or “my friend steve whose deadname is sarah” or anything like that. just shut the fuck up if you don’t think you could possibly NOT do that.

9/10 depictions of trans people in media especially film/shows is wrong and stereotypical.

transphobia is a wildly different experience than homophobia

maybe? look up? transgender labels? and identities? so you aren’t constantly asking someone what their label means? or just use? logic and common sense? like oh i wonder what genderfluid means oh maybe it means a FLUID GENDER oh gee could it be?

trans people never ever NEED to disclose that they are trans, and if someone doesn’t tell you that they’re trans but you later find out? don’t confront them!! they did not “lie to you”, you just assume that everyone is cis, which is weird and transphobic!!

again do not ever ask someone what their deadname is or what there AGAB is just don’t, do not, not ever. you have no reason to need that information, you do not deserve that information, just shut up.

[official-lucifers-child]

cis people can rb (i encourage you to rb so your cis friends can see because us trans people tend to group together and already know all of this) but just keep your mouth shut.

[sandersstudies]

Love that in a lot of classic literature people just “randomly” fall ill but bro their homes were stacked to the roof with arsenic and asbestos and lead and radium of course they were sick all the time.

[sandersstudies]

And then they’re like “we took my ill wife to the seaside and her condition improved remarkably” and it’s like Edward your house has seven time bombs in it please just leave your wife at the seaside and she’ll do very well not getting mesothelioma.

[under-the-arch]

Edward your wife may be entitled to financial compensation

[oomshi]

[catsaresocuteicanteven]

You walk out in the pink one, listen to the police, gasp demurely, then say “excuse me for a moment” and come back out in the black one.  Sounds reasonable and completely unsuspicious.

[tlirsgender]

Biggest failing of the internet is that in order to be vibing with my friends I have to actually be talking to them. I socialize like a cat I just show affection by sitting next to you. Ily but sometimes I have Nothing to say. Not a damn thing going on in my head

[tlirsgender]

I don’t want to “have” a “conversation” I want to peel an orange and share it with you

[obserbolisk]

Some non-conversion related ways to vibe with your mates online:

Play a game together, maybe dick around on a Minecraft server or do some dumb shit on Gmod

Just send ‘em a picture of your surroundings, take a picture of that cool lizard you saw and show them.

Send them a song you think they’d like

Stream a game you’re playing over discord

Take a picture of your pet and send it to them.

Unironically just like their posts on social media, it ain’t much but it makes you feel a bit more connected

[pearlbrook]

She offered her perfumed wrists. “Here, tell me which scent you prefer. Lilies and whale vomit, or lemon balm and beaver’s arse.”

Do You Want to Start a Scandal, by Tessa Dare

[secretmellowblog]

Part of the reason I have a complicated emotional relationship with Javert is because— Javert is BAD. He is a BAD person

But adaptations often don’t understand why he’s bad, and make him bad for the wrong reasons.

In the book, Javert is bad because he’s a cop. He is the Best Cop It is Possible to Be, he’s honest and completely obedient to the law, and he’s TERRIBLE, because you can’t be “good” when you’re enforcing a system that is inherently cruel.

But like... in Les Mis 1998 Javert is portrayed as being an unusually evil person who just has a weird obsession with Valjean, unlike other cops, who are Good. Les Mis 1998 even adds a Good Cop side character who lets Valjean go free in Montreuil-sur-Mer, while joking with Valjean about how Javert is unusually evil and none of the other cops like him.

???????

And as I’ve ranted about a lot, BBC Les Mis Javert’s desire to enforce the law is portrayed as a good honorable quality, and there’s an entire precinct of “good cop” side characters who help him.....while BBC Javert’s actual “moral failing” is what Andrew Davies calls his “twisted love” for Valjean.

and I’m just like...eh? Javert is bad, yes!! But that’s noT WHY he’s bad. He’s not bad because he’s gay, he’s bad because he’s a cop. He’s not bad because he’s an usually evil cop, he’s actually an unusually “good” cop— and being a “good cop” is why he’s bad!

Anyway....my problem with these adaptations isn’t that they make Javert a bad person, it’s that they completely misunderstand why he’s a bad person. They turn a critique of the police as a whole into “one guy was weirdly mean, and then he died and everything was fine”

[pilferingapples]

One of the things that makes the 98 Javert situation really stand out to me is that ...yeah, sure, other cops don't like Javert in book!canon *because he's too good a cop*, he's not corrupt, he doesn't take bribes or work closely with criminals and he is not comfortable or chill with other cops who do that! They specifically distrust him and shut him out of some things because he's Too Honest! Flipping it around so that he's the exceptional Bad Guy is such a wild misreading but it keeps happening! whyyyy

[a-pinch-of-nutmeg-deactivated20]

Because society is afraid to say that most cops around the world enforce a system that was built to keep poor people oppressed and the rich and affluent in power. Victor Hugo literally said this about Les Mis, quote for quote:

"So long as there shall exist, by reason of law and custom, a social condemnation, which, in the face of civilisation, artificially creates hells on earth, and complicates a destiny that is divine, with human fatality; so long as the three problems of the age — the degradation of man by poverty, the ruin of woman by starvation, and the dwarfing of childhood by physical and spiritual night — are not solved; so long as, in certain regions, social asphyxia shall be possible; in other words, and from a yet more extended point of view, so long as ignorance and misery remain on earth, books like this cannot be useless"

Society continues to fear admitting to that, so of course Javert is painted as a bad apple.

[babysandwichkoala]

i never see any positivity for people with “bad” teeth so

dear everyone with a noticeable gap in their teeth, or with big overbites or underbites, or teeth that follow no pattern at all, all yall who got teased and now can’t smile an open mouth without feeling nervous, all who couldn’t get braces for one reason or another and those who had to go through them: you’re beautiful and amazing and perfect just how you are

[positivityischange]

Also people with no teeth, or missing teeth, or yellow or even black teeth, or heavily chipped teeth, or teeth that would look “better” if you had taken care of them or gone to the dentist but you didn’t/couldn’t for whatever reason, ALL of y'all who were made to feel like you should hide your teeth and smile, I promise that the people who care about you love your smile and that it fills them with joy, and that you’re perfect and amazing the way you are

[pearlbrook]

“Mr. Severin’s gifts always come with strings. And the strings are attached to rabid badgers.”

Devil’s Daughter, by Lisa Kleypas

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Using microlabels and identifying and labelling every piece of your attraction is good.

Generalizing and simplifying your identity and using as few labels as possible to define it is good.

Choosing not to label yourself at all or using a very general macro label like queer or mogai is good.

labelling and identifying yourself in whatever way makes you comfortable and feels useful to you is good.

[sosuperawesome]

Johanna Puhl on Instagram

[th0se-wh0-cant]

Also

Mom: I don’t think u have ADHD,,, I just think you’re anxious and lazy

Me: cool cool. Remember that time in 4th grade when I hyperfixated on Greek mythology bc of Percy Jackson and read EVERY SINGLE BOOK my library had on Mythology? Yeah no,,, that wasn’t a sign or anything

[hatake]

me: (has super negative thought)

me: thank you Captain Edge Lord can we please hear from someone else today