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Poems, Jokes, and Stories from New York City

[grapefruitzine]

Fictional G: Poetry

Fictional G Learns How to Drive

Ben Rosenfeld

I’ve been using Uber more

than I had been before

Uber existed and I am

constantly surprised by my instinct

to reach out at them.

My arms sometimes have opinions

on hailing cabs or writing

but usually I tell them

no. I don’t listen to 

anybody unless they are an

expert or at least feverish.

G likes to be in

control for instance he wrote

the word vitrine on the

whiteboard so I looked it up

and use it in conversation.

[peeratrevisions]

I'll be contributing regularly to Grapefruit Zine. Awesome project with awesome contributors.

[grapefruitzine]

Welcome to Grapefruit

September is a shit month for me. 

In 2012, I started getting sick every time I ate and realized I made a huge mistake by moving to the UAE. In 2013, the month sucked so bad and so thoroughly I made an infographic for my independent study called “Whatthefucktember.” In 2014 I was broke and scared and ashamed I hadn’t found full-time employment 3 full months after graduation. In 2015 my life imploded when I went to HR after Labor Day to report my boss for sexually harassing me. And now on Labor Day 2016, I’m making plans to go to HR at my new job.

However, instead of allowing September to be 100% terrible, I’m kicking off the month by launching an online zine with work from some of the most amazing creators and people I know. Frustrated with the inane media constantly being chucked at me like insults from wildly unprofessional and inappropriate bosses, I have desired for a while now to compile meaningful, interesting and, above all, authentic work and then make it widely available on the internet.

Luckily, my pals were into the idea, too, and here we have a zine which will be posting homegrown fresh-pressed unique personal content daily for the foreseeable future. 

Thanks to everyone who is contributing. Without you, this zine would be a sad empty corner of the internet forever. I can’t wait to share your incredible series of work - we have some amazing things coming up, from serialized fiction to comics to recipes to some philosophy I don’t understand at all. 

First real post goes up tomorrow. Follow, share, tell your friends, and join if you feel so inclined. We’re always accepting submissions and new contributors.

Happy September and welcome to Grapefruit Zine. 

J

[peeratrevisions]

It Is Highly Likely That You Have Experienced Thoughts

…spring fully formed from carefully crafted

skateboards within soles and palms

and rise like dust to prominence

 .

so commonly small,

regard the humble beginning

of thoughts, these massive soil statues stained

with collected greens and other things

high in fiber

generally considered to be healthful.

[peeratrevisions]

Fictional G Opens a Coffee Shop and Does Not Provide Free Wifi

When I was thirty-four

I opened a coffee shop

and did not provide free

coffee or even water it

did not confuse customers as

 .

much as I hoped

it just encouraged folks to

pay                                services

as if this were ancient

twenty-first                 America rather

 .

than        it used to

Be so different.

[peeratrevisions]

Toy Cars

The ice cream trucks in this city have changed.

None of them have wheels anymore

for example. They are

the same trucks, however

in the same places.

 .

Most of the missing pieces

were eaten by children

as intended, but entire

trucks have vanished

into puddles and been tracked away by bedazzled flats.

Others remain upright,

animated by

cold, drawing children near. 

[peeratrevisions]

Fictional G is a Financial Analyst

on the subway it strikes

me that the months are

not of uniform length which

means my apartment is more

expensive in february than march

[peeratrevisions]

Death isn’t a good way to learn lessons.

It is a trick storytellers use.

Remember that when Icarus fell

he felt it scoop out his chest and stomach.

 .

Daedalus the builder said

“The last evidence of me

is gone.”

But the last sign of Daedalus

was Daedalus himself and

he built roller coasters

of wax on every horizon.

 .

They melt daily. 

[peeratrevisions]

This Will Likely Fool All of Them

We had little to do but wait,

and watch the snow fall like a procession

into weeping piles.

I wish I had been less impressed;

children are notoriously poor at risk assessment.

 .

I have done this already and you have seen it.

It is like the one moving body in a museum.

You and I are invited trouble,

though other forms of corruption

have not yet been ruled out.

Poetry has nothing to do with commerce.

 .

I am, like you, bent on investigating our relationship,

but only in the context of this poem. I will consent

to naming us both, Captain and Doctor, respectively.

Pedestrians are only sleepwalking and then

fifteen minutes of chamber music.

                             Thanks for reading

[peeratrevisions]

Welcome

I would see this city

as a village

with one entrance

underneath magnolia trees.

 .

Beside the entrance

we would place a chair

for someone wise

or maybe witty.

 .

The entrance could serve

as an exit too.

                                Thanks for reading

[peeratrevisions]

The Real House of Fictional G

mimicry itself is not useful

I require G’s own handwriting

to compare a cartoon tiger

to the melting orange candy

in front of ice cream

 .

trucks full of G’s poems

written by lamplight G only

writes at night I don’t

know why the clocks drip

off his walls but there

 .

is some freshman surrealist hiding

in G’s closet trying to

liquefy the covers of his

favorite novels I lent the

books to G without thinking

 .

***

 .

no one is really alone

in a room with pens

as long as they are

different colors fill G’s poems

figuratively he only writes in

 .

black ink I watched him

write from the doorway of

the room full of carved

wooden seats in a troubling

shade of creakiness the doors

 .

creak in G’s house he

is very proud of his

pests as well feeding bugs

to mice and mice to

snakes living in the walls

                            Thanks for reading

[peeratrevisions]

An A.M. Interview with Fictional G

 Sunrise?

I love them. Ten times superior to sunsets.

Sunrises are sharp. I used to swim in them,

under them.

 .

Waking up?

I have an alarm that sounds like a train.

 .

Breakfast?

I sometimes wonder

why the a.m. makes it impossible

for Americans to cook food

that isn’t an egg or a pig.

 .

Waffles?

Waffles don’t count.

They are dessert. I love donuts,

but one cannot subsist upon carbohydrates alone.

 .

Routine?

If I hear a train I get up.

If the train hasn’t arrived

I try to continue sleeping.

 .

Responsibilities?

I make every effort to reschedule.

                               Thanks for reading

[peeratrevisions]

Made from Paraphrase

Don’t be too quick to feel

ashamed. I am unconvinced by explanations

unless they’re weird or there’s a very specific detail

or action on the psychological  level.

I think there are dots loosely

connecting a baby carriage

and the way I met a close friend.

 .

The trick is to internalize

moves, so you stay

without leaving anyone behind.

 .

Everyone should listen to strangers.

Strangers are quite beautiful.

                   Thanks for reading

[peeratrevisions]

Can Replace

Protagonist meets

Someone. Older, gentle, strange,

“I have read that book.”

 .

“Is the end okay?”

“No, I would go back and stop.”

“It’s too bad you can’t.”

 .

Don’t leave books alone

Too long, unless you intend

To draw in the dust.

 .

I used to think dust

Jackets were for preventing

Damage. I was right.

 .

It kind of scarred me.

I think we can’t guess too much,

“Why didn’t you like it?”

 .

“I always felt there

Was something missing, because

It seemed so complete.”

                   Thanks for reading

[peeratrevisions]

I Think All Love Poems are Written to Nothing

 Dearest N,

It’s ironic that you’re nowhere, right?

No. No it’s just a pun.

There is so much that seems like you,

but it isn’t even imitation.

I’ve never felt nor seen you N, but I

wave my hand through air as if I could

touch you. I imagine it’s you.

When I don’t think too hard

I can almost believe it.

 .

N, you are a seductive thing,

because I so easily mistake you

for the ephemeral. I am in love

with the lightness around me, and

I am hesitant to believe in love

that feels light. I use you, N,

to convince myself of my own solidness.

               Thanks for reading

[peeratrevisions]

This is Just to Say

I have been repeating

what you said

about your favorite

Williams poem

 .

to impress

poets whom

I find attractive.

 .

It works beautifully.

I seem so sensitive

and so sweet. 

                              Thanks for reading

[peeratrevisions]

Nashi Pomegranate Blast

Blended fruit is not much

like fruit at all.

The texture is completely different.

It slides into cups when real fruit

tumbles. I like to watch strawberries tumble.

It is compelling to me

that chopping a strawberry up

really small

can make a solid act like a liquid.

I think this is because

I don’t understand states of matter.

                               Thanks for reading

[peeratrevisions]

Headless

You are a ghost…

 .

Monochromatic and lightweight!

 .

This is cheap for a business plan…

 .

Characters come out of sweatshops now…

 .

You are a mysterious innuendo…

 .

***

 .

This is a designer purse…

 .

You cannot remember what it is for…

 .

But it holds all of you!

 .

It is like a spherical cow…

 .

***

 .

This has teeth,

because poetry bites you…

 .

You are a Catch-22!

 .

Ghosts are immortal but already destroyed.

 .

***

 .

This is quirky and asymmetrical…

 .

This is exactly one-thousand words…

 .

You are a mess of slapstick terror,

and this is a racist film from the 1950’s…

 .

You are glamorous and comfortable,

but this is a baggy T-shirt,

and it holds all of you.

                                       Thanks for reading