I Know Places

Peeta Mellark. District 12.

[imthemockinjay-everdeen]

“It’s going to be okay for you too, with time, Peeta, I promise because I’m not going to leave you alone until you are okay and until you want me to stay away” She looked up at him, was bad idea mention the games “I’m not wrong, I need you, I told you once and yes, maybe I have Gale or even Finnick and Annie but you have no idea how afraid I was of losing you. That wasn’t you, you tried and you did that maybe but doesn’t matter to me, it wasn’t you, remember that, it wasn’t, I really care about you and I hate seeing you like this…”

[peetaxxmellark]

“I think you have more important things to think about than whether or not I’m okay.” He sighed, shaking his head. “I- I really care about you too and that’s why it kills me that this happened and I just... I don’t know.”

[allonthefirstday]

“I kind of do a lot of thinking in the early hours of the day.”

[peetaxxmellark]

“It’s certainly quiet at this time of day. Almost eerily so, though.”

[partygirlqueen]

“No problem. Right now I’m just hangout. What about you?” 

[peetaxxmellark]

“Yeah, same I guess.” He shrugged. 

[imthemockinjay-everdeen]

She didn’t know what to say at that, she just wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay but she wasn’t going to lie because she knew that everything wasn’t going to be okay that nothing was going to be like before “I know..” She muttered looking at him “I know nothing is going to be like before but is going to be better when we win this, when Snow is dead and when we can get rid of those games, I promise” And she was going to keep that promise, whatever it takes “I killed people to survive, Peeta, maybe there weren’t nice but they didn’t deserve to die, I still remember Marvel, Glimmer, even Cato…you didn’t want the games to change who you were and that didn’t change you because even now I still see that person that I need in my life, I told you once and I’ll repeat you again, I need you, Peeta and if something happens to you, I don’t know what I’m going to do, besides, you were the one who saved me, you had this crazy plan, remember? Thanks to you the tributes from district one and two didn’t catch me. I’m glad because I trust you too and I know you are trying”

[peetaxxmellark]

“I’m sure it will be. Anything has to be better than this and I know that things will be okay for a lot of people but I just- I don’t know that that’s true for me.” He tried not to flinch at her casual mention of the games, of what had happened in the arena that first time. He still had nightmares about them too, about laying in the mud waiting for someone to kill him but they almost seemed bearable compared to everything else that had happened since. “You’re wrong about that. You don’t need me. You don’t need anyone and you especially don’t need someone as messed up as I am. I- God, Katniss. I tried to hurt you. I did hurt you. And that’s never going to be okay.”

[ofshadowhuntcrs-blog]

“Let me guess, nightmares? And I don’t sleep very well either.”

[peetaxxmellark]

“Yeah, nightmares. I have some pretty bad ones.”

[kxtiexfitch]

“It’s okay, I’ve been awake for hours. I can’t sleep. Is there any reason you’re still up?”

[peetaxxmellark]

“I can’t sleep either, to be honest. That’s not so strange for me, though.”

[partygirlqueen]

“No its okay, you can join me.”

[peetaxxmellark]

“Thank you. What are you up to?”

[hart-ofzoe]

[peetaxxmellark]

“I’m really sorry, I honestly was joking.”

[coffeehastings]

“Exactly. Plus once you do actually fall asleep, you end up having nightmares which just wake you up again. It’s a never ending cycle.”

[peetaxxmellark]

“Yeah, I personally hate the nightmares. They’re kind of awful.”

[the--devilindisguise-blog]

Racing thoughts?

[peetaxxmellark]

You have no idea.

[the--devilindisguise-blog]

I hardly sleep, tho I am surprise to see someone else up at this late hour.

[peetaxxmellark]

I don’t sleep too well these days.

[imthemockinjay-everdeen]

She could not help this time but take his hand, she knew that remember those things was bad enough and besides, she knew Peeta really well so she knew exactly how he was feeling “You are going to be better, you know that, right? I’m going to make sure of that” She looked up into his eyes and listened to his words, were kind but she also knew that some of them it wasn’t the true “I should have die in that arena, you know? You were the one who was meant to win, not me but I started everything, I’m sorry. I know that you say those things and that you meant that but I’m not sure anymore, how can people can trust me? I’m not a friendly person, I don’t have friends only maybe Madge and Gale and of course, you but you are more than that just that. I can’t sleep because all I do is thinking about you there or when I saw you…is not the games anymore”

[peetaxxmellark]

He squeezed her hand, offering her a small smile at the sweetness of the gesture. “Maybe but I’m never going to be the same. I’m never going to be who I was before and I- sometimes that just kills me.” Peeta shook his head at her next words. “No. You were always the one who was going to win the games. Even my own mother knew that. You saved me, Katniss. And I’ll never be able to repay you for that. I trust you. Even with everything that’s happened, everything they tried to make me think - I trust you. Surely that says something about you.”

[coffeehastings]

“Not very strange for me either, not lately. My thoughts.”

[peetaxxmellark]

“I get that. It’s frustrating to just lay down and suddenly everything comes screaming back to you. Every worry or thought you’d pushed back and tried not to focus on.”

[coffeehastings]

“Yeah, I can’t sleep. I didn’t realize anybody was in here.”

[peetaxxmellark]

“I can’t sleep either. That’s not really a strange thing for me, though. What’s keeping you up?”

[imthemockinjay-everdeen]

“You look okay but you are not, they messed with your head. But I’m not, come on, I’m not leader material, you are more people material, I told them that they should’ve rescue you instead, I’m not this warrior that they think that I am, everything that happened to you was because of me, because all of this”

[peetaxxmellark]

“Trust me, I know exactly what they did. And I hate them for it but I would never have wished it on you. Hell, the only thing that even makes it okay is that I know they would have done this to you if it wasn’t me. And as much as I wish I was still who I used to be instead of this mess of a thing they left behind, I’m glad that you’re okay.” He took a deep breath, clasping his hands together and dropping them to his lap so that it was less obvious that the mere mention of his torture in the Capitol had made them start to shake. “You are leader material. They could have found a million people like me, that could smile and tote the company line. But you’re different. You have a fire burning within you and when people see you... it gives them hope. It makes them want to fight too. It makes them want to believe that we actually have a chance, no matter what the odds.”

[fierylittlewitchfaye]

 “Ya, neither did I, just watched enough movies to kind of get an idea of what goes on.” She smirked. “Ya, I am sure it’s a pleasure. So, where are you from? Not like I really care, I just think late night conversations are soothing for the soul.”

[peetaxxmellark]

“I haven’t really seen them in movies, either.” He confessed and then realized how strange that might sound. “Far away from here. You’re probably right about late night conversations, people are more themselves at night.”

[returnalice]

❛ don’t be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong. i can’t sleep anyway. ❜

[peetaxxmellark]

“Me neither. I was just going to make hot chocolate or something. Want some?”