Passive-Aggressive Pessimist&&Occasional Optimist

Nothing is ever what it seems - Anxiety

[buddiesblr]

eight years of buckandeddie (x.)

[goth-queen]

[jazmb81]

[argillaforma]

obsessed with the narrative that shane is just inventing kink out of his own beautiful mind like obviously he knows that ilya is the one in control but he has no clue that he’s been in a dom/sub dynamic right from the start

so one day he’s talking to rose and she jokes about their sex lives becoming boring after being together for so long and shane’s like no no he does this thing where it feels like he shuts my brain off and all my limbs go numb and he completely overtakes my body and mind and afterwards he has to bring me back down to earth and she’s like ???he puts you in subspace on the reg?? and shane is like i have no idea what that means

[my-2nd-account]

Montreal will understand how fucking dumb they are for the whole "you let Rozanov win" bullshit when they pull out the data and realize that the worst game they have ever played against Boston was in 2016 when Shane was with Rose and they won 1-0

[scunthotter]

So as much as Ilya likes being domesticated, I cannot believe that man has given up clubbing. He's been a little clubrat since he was able to get in the door of Moscow clubs at way too young of age.

Ottawa has a fuckass nightlife but whenever they're in a city with good clubs Ilya goes out and drinks and dances and at the end of the night (the agreed upon negotiated time) Shane shows up and Ilya "picks him up" then they go back to the hotel for nasty hook up sex.

For Ilya this feels like having his cake and eating it too. He gets to be his sleazy clubrat self, then he gets to take home the hottest man in the club and have nasty sex with him, then he gets to end the night snuggled up in his husband's arms.

[finelytaylored]

“can’t believe you treat your gf like this Hollander 😔” has me crying lmao please someone write this

[academicblorbo]

Yuna and David asking about the timeline of their relationship would have been even funnier if, after discussing how long they've been "lovers":

Yuna: ok, so you've been "seeing" each other for 9 years... And when did you confess your real feelings and decided to be together?

Shane:

Ilya:

Yuna:

David:

Shane:

Ilya: like, today at 4am

[gosiksmallspace]

Years into the future, publicly out and married Hollanov, playing together for the Ottawa Centaurs, are being invited to the All-Star Game. But they are invited to play on opposite teams. Organisers want to promote the event as bringing back the old ‘rivalry’.

And Shane and Ilya love to play on the same team, but playing against each other was always very exciting. And they are competitive. So they agree. 

New hockey fans are confused because they only know Hollanov as married, and yes, they saw some old recordings of Boston vs Montreal games and they know that the rivalry was legendary, but can the hockey husbands do it again now? They are married and they're so in sync with each other now!

Meanwhile, old hockey fans are treating it as the return of the legend. It’s fun to watch Hollanov beating other teams together, but them playing against each other? Again? After everything? It just brings so many memories! Nostalgia hits the hockey world hard, and the social media buzz is absolutely insane. 

The actual All-Star Game viewership is at an all-time high, and it’s not enough to say that Hollanov delivers. Because them playing against each other is pure madness. It’s electric, it’s competitive, almost brutal, and it is the most exciting game hockey fans have ever seen. Shane and Ilya are both captains of their teams, and they are giving their all. Usually, the All-Star games are calmer, more fun, but it's obvious that the married couple treats it more seriously than the Olympics. 

Harris gets so much material to create at least a month's worth of best on ice moments from that event.

And maybe, maybe Ilya and Shane kiss on the ice after. Passionately. Very passionately. They could fall on the ice during the kiss and not care. Shane forgets his no PDA rules.

So let’s say it’s good that Cliff Marleau and Hayden Pike (Ilya is sure that he was invited by mistake, or they desperately needed someone to fill an empty spot after someone couldn’t come) are there and separate them because the kiss is heated and they don’t look like they plan to stop anytime soon, and children are watching this whole thing!

Shane and Ilya do not come to post-game drinks later. 

Nobody is really surprised.

[texasteaparty]

kinda in love with the idea of shane, once he gets over his initial shock, terror, anxiety, etc of being outed / coming out and gets to be comfortable with ilya in the ways he knows how

so he holds his hand as theyre walking into the arena together

or he curls his foot around ilya's ankle when theyre out having lunch

he'll blush and fluster when the kiss cam shows up on the big screen, but easily and quickly pulls ilya in by the collar to plant a wet, sloppy kiss to his husbands cheek

play dates with shane, hayden and the kids turns into dates with uncle ilya and uncle shane and the kids and shane spends 99% of the time trying to figure out how to get pregnant while he watches ilya play with the pike posse

if he spots some pretty woman wearing an 81 jersey shouting at his husband shane maybe goes out of his way to be a little clingier, a little more teasing, even sneaking a quick kiss in celebration of a goal he got/assists on with ilya

hes petty, but charming, and so damn boyish that people dont realize hes quite literally the devil on ilyas shoulder the entire time lol

[unavailabletozombies]

Shane: Sit down, i'm gonna torture you now

Ilya, smirking: Kinky.

Shane: I think you're sweet and beautiful.

Ilya: What-

Shane: You deserve to be cared for.

Ilya: Stop, now-

Shane: Your feelings are valid and deserve to be heard.

Ilya: I NEED A SAFE WORD!!!

[snap-crackle-cunt]

yuna: how long have you two been dating?

ilya: uh. like. one spoonful of pasta ago. you were there. we have been fucking for like a decade tho

[bambicoded]

it's important to me that ilya remains captain of the centaurs after shane joins, but i have a specific picture in my mind of shane being assistant captain and being generally harmless and super chill , so the centaurs see him as like the chill parent (something to be said about shane being content in letting someone else, specifically His Someone, have the reins and enjoying not being in charge) but then ilya has to be out for a few weeks for like health or smth so shane goes into Captain Mode and the centaurs are scared shitless by how intense he gets all of a sudden. the most intense drills of all time. the hardest plays they've ever heard of. the strictest practices on earth. and they suddenly understand why shane led the metros/voyagers to victory so many times and why ilya treats him like the boss in their relationship. and then as soon as ilya comes back he turns it off and the centaurs are like Oh Thank Fuck Because What The Hell Was That

[lovedbyflesh]

lake scene redraw bc they’re so cutieful

[hrgifs]

We haven't had time to see your show yet. It's about hockey, right? Yeah, kind of.

[icaruswar]

ilya being the biggest “my husband” guy ever makes my heart feel so warm. he never really had a family who he could claim as his own all the time like this and so all of that repressed love and ownership for his husband comes through in every conversation he has with literally anybody. shane hollander has him on a leash, yes, but it was tied on by ilya himself and handed it to shane.

“hey roz, lets go out and celebrate tonight.”

“can't, my husband wants me home by 8.” (shane doesn't care, he literally asked ilya to go out and have fun)

or

“okay rozanov, fuck, marry, kill—”

“fuck my husband, marry my husband, and kill anyone who looks at him for more than 5 seconds. done? okay bye.” (i mean...)

or

“rozy we gotta catch up soon man, let's meet this weekend.”

“okay, i will ask my husband and let you know when i can meet you.” (again, shane does not have single problem with ilya meeting cliff whenever the fuck he wants but, oh well)

or

“ilya, did shane really figure his birthday surprise out by himself or did you tell him, huh?”

“what can i say yuna, my husband is a very smart man :D” (he definitely told about it to shane because he knows shane hates surprises)

everyone around them is fucking tired (no they're not, they actually secretly love it.)

(shane's response to being called "my husband" )

[gffa]

I desperately need more fics that focus on people's surprise that Shane Hollander, Mr. Polite Canadian with his Media Perfect Smile and Practiced Bland Answers and Good Sportsmanship and Sweetheart "Let's Go!" Cheer when he beat Scott and Ilya's time at All-Stars, to realize that the real Shane's vocabulary is literally 30% the word "fuck". "Fuck you", "fuck off", "you fucking moron", "I fucking hate you", "this fucking guy", "go fuck yourself", "are you fucking kidding me", "I will fucking kill you, motherfucker", "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" are all things he will say within 45 minutes of showing up to practice. I need more fics of everyone being a little shellshocked about just how much Shane Hollander swears and meanwhile Ilya is just laughing in the background because he told people Shane swore like a sailor and nobody believed him until now.