rambling about things that will make no sense

except only to you.

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Wondering when the day I don’t think about us will be

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Forever keeping myself busy until you come back

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feeling a constant weight on my chest since you left

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When I was little my best friend convinced me she had superpowers

She told me she could fly.

So me being who I am, I believed her

She told me she’d come to visit me at night

So I stayed up until 12 to see her.

I put on my BEST pajamas that night.

I was exhausted.

Needless to say, she didn’t show up.

The next day she told me she was invisible.

You see my problem has always been this

I believe in impossible things

I believe in them because sometimes

Once in a while

They turn out to be true

There’s that .001 chance that it’s real

But the truth is none of my impossible things ever turned out to be real

Not one

But I still believe in them

And every time it breaks my heart

I’ve been doing it since I was a little girl

I’m naive

I’m too trusting

And I guess I’ll never learn.

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I think I feel comfortable in chaos

-my second home

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I guess I had to get my heart broken to understand what I had

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you didn’t just hurt me, you broke me.

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I’m so tired of thinking about you

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I’ve kept myself busy all day and I still find myself thinking of you

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You’re gone and I might as well be underwater

Now I spend the day feeling like I can’t breathe. Everything is so heavy.

One of these days I’ll learn how to swim

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I understand what I did to you now

-it was my turn for heartbreak

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my poor heart.

i put you through so much i am so sorry.

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lost my appetite

Wish I was being held right now. Feeling lonely. Hoping you’d answer but you don’t but it’s okay I’ll be okay

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I’ve cried all day today

Morning: cried

Driving to class: cried

Driving back home: cried

Rest of the night: cried

I can’t eat.

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when the bar is raised so high it’s hard to find someone who’s even close to being as good

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ever feel like screaming just because? Just angry at myself right now

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Okay that part where I said I understand was a lie but hear me out

I know I was a horrible person. I know I don’t even deserve you in my life anymore but please just see me again just once. I’m a horrible person and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I ruined us I’m so sorry. I don’t know what was wrong with me it’s 1am and I’m crying my eyes out because I saw you with someone else wearing the suit you wore with me and you gave her the jacket and the way you looked at her I think my heart stopped. I’m still crying. I have to live with my mistakes and maybe this is me healing I don’t know. But for now I’ll mourn the loss of what I destroyed and try not to hate myself for it