tiny steps forward

this a blog for a bunch of sad and dumb stuff probably and also maybe stupid stuff that I write or make or whatever and also almost definitely a lot of mountain goats this is sort of my secret second blog so I mean you can totally follow this one if you want but let's maybe not ever talk about it in real life

[perfect-howl]

Tfw u start to internally contemplate the tru depth of ur feelings for someone lmao

[perfect-howl]

Friend: do u get jealous?

Me: nah not really? I mean maybe a little here and there but not in a big way???

Me 3 hours later: if he's fucking somebody else I swear to God I will BURN HIS FUCKING HOUSE DOWN

[perfect-howl]

Like I'm over it, it's fine, I'm totally over it, but it DOES hurt to have someone you care quitr a lot about basically tell you it is impossible for them to envision any sort of future with you in it. We were supposed to go on a stupid camping trip this weekend and I guess he just took a bunch of his friends to the campsite he had reserved for us instead and it's totally fine it's totally fine I'm glad he's still getting use out of the reservation and I AM over it. Seeing all the pictures still kinds sucks though. Whatever. I'm happier already. I really am and what we had wasn't good for me but I would have stayed for too long trying to fix it but I'm happier now, so much happier already, and so it's okay.

[perfect-howl]

Still not 100% sure where we stand or what's gonna happen but at least the sex is like, unrealistically good ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[perfect-howl]

This feels rly right lmao

[perfect-howl]

Literally every time I resign myself to totally stowing away any weird residual feelings i have for my ex, he texts me. How does he know???

[perfect-howl]

Updaye: lmao by "residual" I guess i mean he's pouring me a shot rn and we are trying again because fuck it

[perfect-howl]

This is an obscure chronology

[perfect-howl]

Literally every time I resign myself to totally stowing away any weird residual feelings i have for my ex, he texts me. How does he know???

[perfect-howl]

Ahhhh shit. Ahh fuck. I'M IN TOO DEEP.

[perfect-howl]

Whenever I look at pictures of Ben I basically start blushing. I'm scrolling unfairly back in his pictures and young Ben is.....so.....adorable....omg....and he's still like 4 years older than I am now in these old pictures lmaoooo

[perfect-howl]

Me to my friends always: seriously guys you shouldn't get involved with your coworkers it never works out ever it's bad news

Me now that I've got a cute coworker and got dumped again: how???bad??? Could it possibly be???

[perfect-howl]

Shhh my boyfriend makes me so happy don't tell anyone. He's the best. He's making us salmon and we rode bikes all around today. He's so good for me and I want to keep him around.

[perfect-howl]

Me @ me: if everything is going so well these days how come you're still crying all the time u fucking asshole

[perfect-howl]

I think I'm somebodies girlfriend again but like.....since when is it so...easy? And good? Just...easy and clear and nice and...good?? Just really good? I'm v happy. So so happy.

[perfect-howl]

The worst part about all the really horrible things that Zach said about me is i can't even talk to my mom about it to make me feel better. I kept the whole relationship a secret from her. This was all such a mistake. No more dating outside my tax bracket. What a scummy, manipulative, mean mean man. He only likes me when I agree with what he says. Honestly. Any time I disagreed it turned into a big thing and he raised his voice at me multiple times. He makes me feel like shit. From now on if I don't think I can tell my mom about a guy they are not worth dating. Fuck. This was so stupid, I'm so stupid, i got mixed up in such an awful thing and now I feel awful. This makes the last guy look like a saint tbh. I'm not crazy. I'm not unstable. I haven't changed. I'm not bad. I'm not bad. I'm not bad. I'm so glad he's out of my life.

[perfect-howl]

Jenga and pizza and x files and just....good. just so good. so good. :)

[perfect-howl]

Dancing and kissing drunk to Beyonce in a living room > crying and feeling like my feelings are wrong. I needed this. Maybe things can just be....good? For a while?