Its me bitch

What does my usename even mean? 

[approach]

[3k626ekful7ozxujar43keiw236in2h]

[joshpeck]

okay but where’s the link

[perfectbearsalad]

dog: BARK

me (with the same tone and volume): WHAT

[paper-mario-wiki]

[asillyandrandomname]

I want my husband to have this accent

[imthegirlwhowaited]

alright, that’s fine, that’s pretty con-fucking-venient 

[duckypi]

why are old people so obsessed with doing this

[pucikat-deactivated20161211]

me as a castaway spelling with leaves:

tfw u get stranded😱😱😱😞😞😞😞😞😞😩😩😩😩😩😩😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 succs 👎👎👎👎👎👎👎😾😾😾😾😾😡😡😡😡💩💩💩💩💩cause theres no pokestops 😂😂😂😂😂😂👌👌👌👌👌💯💯💯💯💯😜😜😜😜so whoever sees this 👀👀👀👀👀👈👈👈👈👈👈u know what to do😋😋😋😏😏😏😏😏😛😛😛😛😉😉😉😉💅💅💅💅💅💅

[iverbz]

i sleep nude because if someone ever breaks into my house they gotta fight me while im naked and i dare you to try and swing on a nigga when his dick is out

[dipsetflag-deactivated20141026]

You are grade A guarenteed to get yourself hurt with this mindset? You think I’m afraid to grab a dick and yank it, bruh? You think I won’t get my hands dirty on your dick in order to end you? You got the wrong one, man—and your ass better hope I don’t have a knife.

[iverbz]

[theseancequeen]

Okay weirdly this exact situation has happened to me. It was summer so I was sleeping naked, but then I heard the lock on the front door being opened. I thought someone was breaking into my house and I had enough time to either grab my sword or my nightgown, not both.

Two things I learned.

One, sometimes apartment complexes will flat out forget to tell you they’re sending someone over from the fire department to check your fire extinguishers.

Two, no matter how bad ass a person thinks they are, a naked person swinging a sword at them will knock them off balance both physically and mentally.

However, the fireman was very nice about it and accepted my apology.

[stephrc79]

didn’t think it could get any better, yet here we are

[meanplastic]

“24, but go off” LMAOOOOO

[nateskyywalker]

[lionmighty-deactivated20171224]

💀💀💀

[chocolatechubbybunni]

This is me when I’m wrong tbh

[ruinedchildhood]

[pochowek]

I dont even need the “binky fucks my mom now” edit the originals are so much funnier

[annfosterwriter]

[alwaysbewoke]

Terry Crews is literally the best.

[hand]

when your joke ruins a conversation but you know it was amazing

[museum-of-idiots]

I have never identified with anyone as much as I do with this man

[laffgaff]

6 was scared of 7 because 7, 8 ,9 but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day.

[simsimmertim]

this is advanced

[tastefullyoffensive]

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

   I just drove my uncle and myself to the hardware store, and he said to me “Molly, I want you to know that being Catholic doesn’t change anything. If you someday get married, your wife will be welcome in this family. Don’t ever think otherwise.”

  That is really nice, but I am not gay???

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I’M LAUGHING SO HARD. SPOILER ALERT 2012 ME; YOU’RE SUPER FRICKING GAY.

[evolutionofmyjourney]