anniversary and i haven't eaten or slept in 36+ hours, just crying (rant)
Everything that could possibly be wrong with a person is wrong with me, and I have no one to talk to, and all I need is to just talk to someone. All my friends are also mentally ill because of course they are (why would they be friends with you otherwise Mia you dumb bitch).
This guy I'm kinda seeing is nice but really just wants sex and is also a total idiot, but he smells good and has a nice accent and a nice chest that I can lay against. WTF MORE CAN I WANT? No one will ever love me or settle down with me. Might as well do the casual fwb thing until I die, which won't be in too long given my illness.
I have three new cuts on my arm. And I'm really confused about everything and I can't decide what I want or what's self-harm. Sex has become self-harm for me. I hate it but I don't know what to do about it. I wish I could enjoy sex and romance but I can't. May my rapists die soon, because I have direct contact with Satan and my rapists: I'll make sure you all burn in the deepest pits of hell. If I knew where you were right know, you would all have your brains blown out of your skulls. You ruined my life. A, you fucking ruined my life too but unlike them, I would blow my own brains out to get you back to this world.
Maybe I should eat.
