most important ids -> trans white. trans white european. trans cis male. cis harmful. cis abuser. perma misogynist. trans dead. trans corpse. perma decaying. cis formal. tris british. trans scientist. trans professor. trans height ( 6ft+ .) cis catholic.
masculine terms only. no “beings,” or gender neutral terms. treat me like a dead man. i am a rotting, decaying corpse.
i have extreme cynophobia, and it causes me to have extreme z00sad towards canines. i am anti contact for this specific paraphilia, but both the phobia and paraphilia are based in ptsd from traumatic dog attacks as a toddler. i have everything related to dogs muted, but i also block anyone who posts about them frequently.
i loathe tone indicators with my entire being. using tone indicators on me is an instant block. i will not use them on you, so don’t ask.
i may be transwhite, but i am bodily biracial. i will point out racism, no matter who you are—at any point that i see it. i have a zero tolerance policy for that bullshit. white people cannot experience racism. please shut the fuck up. permanently, preferably.
i don’t give a fuck about drama or discourse. if it doesn’t impact me personally, i quite literally could care less. i don’t take tumblr seriously. i have a job and a degree. please get a life. i will never care. if it does actually impact me personally, i will post about it, but sparingly. nobody’s obligated to care.
i am professionally diagnosed with all of the identities i say are cis. i am pro self diagnosis, for the record—i just can’t do it myself. it’s fine when others do it, but i cannot, as my OCD won’t let me say i have something without medical confirmation. rest assured, i am professionally diagnosed with ASPD, NPD, C-DID, & other issues. i just don’t discuss my DID here, because this account isn’t used when i (the other ANP) am not here. i use strictly medical terminology for all of my diagnoses, again, because of the OCD. please do not fucking accuse me of being “privileged,” i am in poverty—i got diagnosed because of social services. i’m also trying to be nullOCD.
i will upfront tell you i do not care about what you’re venting to me about, or your sa/csa trauma. if you tell me those things, you need to tell me if it’s okay if i jack off to it or not. that’s the only use those things have for me—i think crying and throwing a tantrum about things you can’t change is a waste of time, and quite frankly, borderline pathetic.
i like every gender, i just prefer the term bisexual, as i’ve used it since i was a child. please respect that. i am a fully post—op transsexual male, with top surgery, bottom surgery, years on testosterone, et cetera. i pass fully and completely, and i am stealth. do not call me trans. do not lump me in with being gender diverse. i view myself as a cis man.
i am a phd student. i have multiple degrees. i believe i am intellectually superior to everyone. me, specifically. i have extremely bad NPD. i am in therapy and medicated, but that doesn’t remove all symptoms. i genuinely believe i am better than everyone, and smarter than everyone. i brag about my academics frequently and good grades. no, it’s not “eugenics,” it’s called being a narc.
i will block for anything. i don’t take the internet seriously, since it’s all fake anyway—so i curate my experience heavily. oftentimes i block for no reason at all. this is not personal, i will block someone literally if they happen to be in a fandom i dislike. that being said, if you copy aspects of my personality and layout, i will block and report you. i know the difference between good—faith inspiration, or having identities overlapping, vs copying. don’t act like i’m an imbecile.
i am extremely extremely religious. i will not censor my own personal identity, just because it makes you uncomfortable. i will not be made to feel ashamed of it either. i am a very devout catholic. i barely post about religion to begin with on this blog, you’ll be fine. the most i talk about is going to mass, or having a rough day and confiding in god about it.
do i wait another 4 to 5 weeks until i’ve formally saved up enough for my 1.4k prebuilt pc i want — which is already budgeting because the dream prebuilt pc i wanted was 2.8k but i cannot justify that to myself , albeit it would last me a good five to ten years — or do i do the twelve months of monthly installments of 120 dabloons per month ?
i get paid around 400 — 420 each paycheque , and i get paid biweekly . albeit i hate biweekly pay , but whatever . with tips i can earn even more than that , as i’m a barista .
i really really want the pc right now , as i want to play the sims again . i know it sounds stupid , but the sims is my biggest healthy coping mechanism ever and has been since i was twelve . it’s also a huge special interest . i haven’t been able to play in over a year because the storage for my laptop ran out — and the external hard drive i had fried itself during the summer last year . it really devastated me and i went into a depressive episode about it . i’ve had that laptop since 2017 and it’s been slowly shutting down — not saving files , things randomly stopping working , etc . i’ve taken it to the shop many times but they said it won’t last until the end of this year before it’s scrap metal .
however — i loathe monthly installments . i really do , because i don’t like subscription services . the only subscription i have is for spotify . i also like knowing the exact amount of money is going in and out each month , as i am in poverty and care deeply for budgeting . i shop at aldi’s , etc .
i also really really appreciate the feeling of believing i’ve truly done something by actually saving up and i value the delayed gratification . but i haven’t played the sims in forever and it’s starting to irk me as well as how slow photoshop runs on my laptop because i do that as a freelance side gig and it’s an important source of income .
i usually work 35 — 40 hours but the minimum for my job is 15 . i get paid 18 / hr . so bare minimum , the pay i get if i work the bare minimum hours — i would get 270 before taxes . and ideally , if they give me the hours i prefer , i would get 630 to 720 before taxes .
I'm sorry. I know you don't feel romantic love, but I love you. Please. Treat me like the horrible person I am for touching myself to you. I fucking love you. You're so amazing. If I could, I'd live with you. Make me look like a beast, and watch me be hated by everyone who ever loved me. But truly, you're the only one who cares.
-🧶🧩
it’s alright — i’m not one to judge anyone for their feelings . i personally do not feel feelings of any kind very strongly , so i’m almost impressed by people who can . i envy them , almost — i live vicariously through them . all my emotions are incredibly muted and dampened . i find it interesting when people’s emotions are all — consuming .
but , my point being — it’s fine if you’re in love . i’m not going to judge you . i’ve had many friends in the past have crushes on me .
i’ve been in romantic relationships myself , even — i probably have like 30 — 40 exes . of course , most of those relationships only lasted three months maximum , but my longest relationship ever was four years . the average length is around 8 — 12 months , in my experience .
i know ( vaguely , from research rather than my own emotions ) what drives someone to have a crush . i don’t think it’s nice to fault them for it or blame them . we can’t control that sort of thing — and love makes you do crazy things .
it’s admirable , i think , to care for someone else so strongly . to find joy in such a nihilistic world and to be so selfless you want to share it with someone else .
well , hah — i digress . i can punish you still , if you’d like . i can beat you bloody each time you touch yourself to me . i can deglove your fingers to where they’re fundamentally useless .
i could call you disgusting , vile — lower than any experiment i’ve ever had . i can say i dread walking up to your cage . i can keep your arms pulled back to where you cannot use them — and then shove your head onto my dick .
force you to gulp and swallow until you’re puking it back up , and leaving you there so someone else must clean you .
i am amazing , though , i agree — i think i’m better than most people in this community . i’m more attractive , i’m more intelligent — i am superior , and i’m happy to see it recognised .
but , living with me ? that’s a different experience .
i’ve only lived longterm with one ex of mine . of course , there was beating and having sex forced unto one another in that , too — i got a concussion once from it all .
but i cook well and can pack it up wherever you’d go , and i enjoy cleaning so the house would never be dirty . i don’t imagine either of those are negatives .
still —
i enjoy isolating people . i enjoy making them cut off healthy support systems . i enjoy turning them against their friends and loved ones — saying they’ll never understand you like i do .
i am the only one who cares .
none of those other people do . you should drop them all . get them out of your life ! they aren’t good for you , and i’m merely saying this out of concern .
of course , when i’m bored , i’ll be disposing of you too without warning so you have absolutely no one . unless you crawl back , begging good enough . then i suppose i’ll return .
