Lawli

I hallucinate L so I made him my caretaker

[permarotten]

𓏴 ࣪ @ permarotten : unnamed

( 𓂃˖ ࣪⊹ ) —— nomifluid . any pronouns . schizophrenic

view my profile in light mode like god intended.

id list × in my head list × important

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looking at Tumblr dashboard is hell

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jirais have more friends than me than I do what the fuck

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hello I am soulbonded to L should I block you since you dont want to see anything romantic with him

err no, it's not that I don't want to see anything romantic with him, it's just that I don't want to see anything related to death note besides L in general ^^;

idm if you block me, it's up to you !

[permarotten]

something I aspire to do is to start a kangel cosplay travel vlog. I want to travel all over the world as kangel or ame chan!!

[catgirlapologist]

isn't it insane though how schizophrenic people are viewed as violent and dangerous by the majority of society when in reality schizophrenic people are nearly 14 times more likely to be on the receiving end of violence than to be the perpetrators...

[permarotten]

crazy thing is I'm actually straight

[ghostlyschizophrenic]

i get annoyed with people saying “you’re not you when you’re psychotic” like i understand not being in your “right mind”, but my ability to be myself doesn’t change just because my ability to reality check is diminished. it’s the natural state of my brain; i feel less myself when i’m super sedated on medication. do i want to be in psychosis? absolutely not. but do i want to be told that my sense of self is inherently wrong? also no. i know the sentiment of “if you can’t handle me at my worst you can’t handle me at all” isn’t the best, but seriously, if you stop seeing me as me when i’m psychotic and see me as a problem to be fixed, i don’t want you in my life

[permarotten]

people scare me a little bit. the idea that someone else has their own thoughts, opinions, and ideas is out of this world for me. I can't comprehend that a person is ... a person. it's odd because I can understand another person fine. I can put myself in their shoes, I can decode unwritten social rules, and yet, I still can't fathom that other people have minds. I find myself feeling paranoid because if someone can think, then someone can plan, and if someone can plan, then they can plan horrible things. paradoxically, I tend to assume that people have malicious intentions while believing most people are benevolent. schizophrenia makes me feel weird about other people. they feel almost like aliens. sometimes, it makes me hyper aware of myself as well. I become 10x more aware of my thoughts, feelings, and self to the point I become detached with reality. does anyone else experience the same thing?

[permarotten]

its raining!

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i want to make my own clothes so bad

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speech used to flow more eloquently for me before schizophrenia. I used to be able to speak clearly and concisely until schizophrenia affected clarity within my words. now i struggle to be coherent, and often speak less and less due to difficulty thinking and speaking.

[permarotten]

a hobby that I really want to get into is cosplay and sewing... I like clothes a lot and despite not caring for fashion very much (I barely care about my appearance) I've decided to make it my life's mission to become a real life dress up doll for myself so I can turn into characters and ocs because why not?

[permarotten]

I hate hate hate hate death note for introducing that freak of nature in my head. not even blorbo anymore he's just part of my mental illness now

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kangel I will play video games if I can, okay? but we don't have any soulsborne games so you have to be patient, okay?

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I got locked out of my old account because I deleted my discord

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maybe I'll make a pronouns.cc just because