my random self

No under 18 prefer over 21 as I post adult content sometimes. I'm really just trying to do my best to survive this life.

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Sometimes it doesn't matter how well you brush. Other health impairments affect your teeth.

Had a filling fall out this weekend and today the tooth with the failed root canals had to come out. It's a front tooth. I'm pretty emotional over this. Not only does it hurt but I know what people think of my mouth.

Now it's a 2 week wait to fix the lost filling fixed and start the process of getting a partial.

Crohn's disease doesn't just destroy my gut and my joints. It has destroyed my confidence.

I'm gonna go cry in a corner now.

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Could not afford any coffee from the hospital coffee shop as a treat for getting my infusion.

But at least I got the infusion done.

I'm feeling super emotional today.

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Me today.

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Yesterday was a pretty good day. I updated the color in 3 of my family members hair. Made pepperoni bread for my kid even though I won't eat it. And played uno till late.

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I really have to work on not talking and not being an annoyance. It's hard. I get so lonely. And the one person I'm excited to talk to and that I have to talk to gets upset when I talk.

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I feel isolated and alone pretty much all the time. And that feeling is intensifed when I find out my cousin has passed away. I didn't even know he was sick. I'm haven't been able to see them in close to 20 years. He was a teen the last time I saw him.

I feel like I have no support system at all. I'm not close to any family members as they live ve far away, I have no friends, and my husband likes to remind me how he is old and going to die soon.

It's no wonder I'm dangerously depressed and filled with constant anxiety.

[pernlover]

I've been lonely my whole life.

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I have one of the worst migraines of my life currently.

I pretty much always have a migraine because I'm not treated for them. So they stick around all the time.

But this one is real bad.

I desperately need a new neurologist but pretty much all of central Indiana is the same group. So you don't get much choice in a second opinion.

They have no problem diagnosing me but because of my allergies they will not treat me.

It's kinda the same problem with rheumatology. They have diagnosed me with severe fibromyalgia. But they don't treat it. I asked why diagnose me with something that isn't real. Because that is how it feels. She says it's very real. But they just won't treat it. And recommends pain management. Which isn't helpful.

I'm struggling today.

[pernlover]

Some times I am shown just how alone I am. And always have been.

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I have had a migraine for so long now. I need it to go away.

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This squirrel came up to me wanting my Nutella. I don't share with wild animals lol

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Summer friends.

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I'm currently weaning off Gabapentin. Life is gonna be harder. The anxiety. The not sleeping. The PAIN!

But it stole all the memories I had left. I can't remember my kids milestones. Their childhood is gone. Trauma took my childhood and life. And now the medicine they used to help me cope with the trauma has stolen so much more.

I'm devastated. They said I should get memories back. But now I have no memories and amped up pain and anxiety. Plus depression.

So I'll be honest. I'm struggling.

And the memories I did keep are the painful ones. The trauma I've experienced over the more recent years.

[pernlover]

what do u find attractive in a man

Cleanliness, kindness, sense of humor. Those are the things I find attractive in a man.

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My cute squirrel visitor

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Did you know you can make Jelly out of Violets? It is such a pretty process.

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My kids eggs turned out so pretty.