Rose @perplexingsoul3 - Tumblr Blog

Where do I belong...

What am I doing here still? This isn't where I belong. I will never be enough. This ocean of sadness sits in my stomach and is flowing up to my throat. I can feel it burning the edges of my tonsils as I struggle to breathe. This pressure on my chest as I try to bear through this day. Constantly an imposter in my own life. Where do I belong? This isn't it. This isn't love. This isn't what I hoped for.

myreality333

Escaping the Dark

She is sitting in the dark, begging you to turn on the light. Screaming for you to hear her. She is closed off from the world and you were the first one to find her in years. She is stuck in this eternal world where a flame cannot exist. Lights are forbidden but she can remember their warmth. Her body covered in ever-lasting goosebumps never fully adjusting to the cold. Surrounded by mirrors reflecting her deteriorating self. She saw you through the mirror. She banged on the glass and screamed for salvation. But you didn’t hear her. She slammed against the mirror while it cracked. She wouldn’t give up on being heard. The glass began to cut her skin. Blood withdrew from her veins. Her fist beating against the remnants of the mirror. Her tears mixing on her skin with the red. She continued to scream for you until she started to feel cold again. A new cold. She used every last breath to claw at the glass. To escape the darkness. But she was too late. At the very last piece, she found the light. With her last exhale, her arm fell outside her prison. Her blood began to trickle outside while her body gave her away.

myreality333

Buoyancy

I am not okay. I am l feel as though I have failed. I feel as though it is my fault for not starting sooner.

The depression that has been slowly enveloping me for the past few months is nothing new. However, it feels different. Or. Maybe I had just become unfamiliar with it. I know that depression can feel much worse than this because I have felt much worse than this.

I have not harmed myself. Even though the very thought of harming myself has been at the forefront of my mind often this week. I have not begun to plan suicide. It would be a lie to say I haven't contemplated it this week. However, I have mostly been fantasizing about previous times attempts of suicide and self-harm.

I feel like I am in an ocean with neutral buoyancy. Not hitting the bottom but unable to catch my breath.

I feel as though the water is filling and burning my lungs but air continues to blow out of my nose.

I am not okay. But I wouldn't say I am suicidal. However, I am not okay enough to be alone. Yet, here I am. Alone.