McDanno Quotes that Kill Me
This is actual, real life dialog. I PROMISE!
Danny, to Steve: “Well don’t just stand there and be handsome. Say something.”
Danny, to Steve: “Wow, look at you. You clean up nice, babe.”
Steve, to Danny: “I love you.” Danny: “I love you, too.” (They actually exchange I Love Yous all the frickin’ time, but I’m including this one from 7x01 because of the way Steve says it. It’s like he thinks their mutual love is the solution to the problem they’re fighting about.)
Kono, later in that same episode, to the team, about Steve & Danny, in a singsong voice: “Aw. They in love again.”
Danny, to Steve: “You’re a half-baked cookie. Soft. Gooey in the middle…. That’s why I love you, babe.”
Danny, to Steve: “You’re like a big marshmallow filled with testosterone.” (Honestly, I think there must be even more quotes of Danny comparing Steve to sweet food that he wants to eat, but I can’t find them right now. Let’s just say this is A THING.)
Danny, to Steve: “You are a whacked out control freak, but I love you.”
Steve, to Danny, after a counselor suggested that Danny was causing Steve too much stress with all his worry about Steve’s health: “Don’t change. I love you, man, the way you are.”
Danny, on the phone to Steve: “You, um, you miss me, don’t you?” Steve: “Oh yeah, I wish you were here, but you don’t swim.” Danny, bickering: “I don’t swim? I swim. Very well, actually. I just choose not to.” Steve, bickering: “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Eavesdropper, to Steve: “You talking to your wife?” Steve: “I’m talking to my partner.” (Nevermind that this just makes the dude think you’re gay, Steve, NOT that you’re talking to your work partner.)
Joe, after Danny tries to bicker with him while Steve is absent: “Is this what you and Steve do? Bicker like an old married couple?”
Prisoners in a prison yard, after seeing Danny & Steve bickering: “How long you two been married?”
A new co-worker, after seeing Danny & Steve bickering: “How long have you two been married?” (This seems to be a running theme.)
(In fact, they even call themselves married!) Danny, to Steve, “Because our marriage has become predictable.”
And later, Steve asks Danny, after Danny doesn’t understand why his making retirement plans (which at this point don’t include Steve) should hurt Steve’s feelings: “Okay, let me ask you a question. If you were still married to Rachel, and you made a decision like this, a big decision that affected her, how would she feel if you didn’t tell her about it?” Danny: “Are you comparing my failed marriage to our relationship?” Steve: “Are you gonna answer the question?” Danny: “She’d be upset.” Steve, as if Danny’s just totally made Steve’s point (because they’re married, too, right?): “Thank you.”
Steve, smiling to Danny, while Danny’s holding up a thong: “You gonna get an evidence bag or are you gonna put that thing on?“ (Jesus Christ, this is some serious FLIRTING.)
Danny, standing between Steve’s spread open legs in a doctor’s office, staring at his shirtless chest: “Now, if you would please do me this one favor.” Steve: “No, I will not bend over and cough, with your cold hands.” Danny: “It’s not that kind of favor.” (Yes, they are really flirting here, as there is literally no other interpretation of these words.)
Steve, on the phone to a very frustrated Danny who doesn’t like that Steve can’t answer any of his questions because they’re all classified: “It’s protocol Danny. I’m sorry but I can’t answer your questions right now, I gotta go alright?” Danny, challenging the notion that it’s all classified: “Well I got an easy one: What are you wearing?” Steve: (stops mid-stride and smiles, opens his mouth to talk but closes it) Danny: “You know what? Don’t answer it. I’m sure it’s top secret so I will take a guess. (pauses) Cargo pants!” Steve: (who of course is wearing cargo pants, smiles even bigger) “Goodbye Daniel.” (Is it just me, or was Steve totally thinking that Danny was coming on to him there for a second?)
Danny, to Steve, proving he’s not remotely disturbed by people assuming he’s gay: “I personally would have gone with the gay thing to keep our cover.”
Steve, holding out his hand to Danny when he realizes Danny’s claustrophobia is kicking in: “Here. You can hold my hand.”
Danny, to Steve, after Danny flew all the way to Afghanistan to make sure Steve was rescued: “What are you looking at me like that for?” Steve: “I can’t believe you flew all this way.”
Earlier, when the military brass came in and wanted Danny to leave Steve’s bedside: “Hear me? You’re gonna need to step outside.” Danny: “No, no, no. I’m gonna stay right here with him.” Military Brass: “Excuse me?” Danny: “I’m not a soldier; you don’t have any authority over me. So I’m gonna stay put.”
Danny, to Chin, about what Steve’s body language means: “And he just switched the phone from his right hand to his left hand, which means he wants to punch something.” Chin: “Well, you know your boy well.”
Danny, to Steve, upon seeing him in his dress uniform: “Wow. You, uh, you look, uh, very nice. Suit, tie, it’s good.” Steve: “It’s for you. I wore it for you.”
Steve, to Danny: “What’s up, good-looking?”
Steve, to Danny, after getting a giant hug from Danny’s daughter after rescuing them both from a hostage situation: “What? Nothing? No hug? Nothing?” Danny: “I am so happy to see you right now I’ll give you a hug, I’ll give you a kiss, pick a base.” (I’m not the only one who thinks Steve picked the wrong base in response to this, am I?)
Harry, to Steve and Danny after witnessing their bickering: “I mean, don’t get me wrong, it’s clearly coming from a place of love. That’s why you’re going into the restaurant trade together. Can’t bear to be apart, right?”
Steve, to Danny, about a couple that’s breaking up: “Hey, what about therapy? They try therapy? It worked for us.” Danny: “I don’t know, it seemed pretty definitive. He’s the one who wants the divorce, not her.” Eavesdropper: “Did you just say us?” Steve, to Danny, ignoring the eavesdropper: “You know what you need to do? You need to call Stan. Man to man, talk to him. See if you can convince him to give it another shot.” Eavesdropper, tired of them ignoring his VERY IMPORTANT QUESTION: “Wait a second, you two lovebirds have a therapist?” Danny: “Yeah, we got a therapist.”
Steve, to Danny, after Danny hired a stress counselor to follow Steve around all day and give him advice on how to reduce his stress levels (honestly this whole conversation is just a great big ball of WOW HOLY SHIT): “Let me ask you a question. What’s with micromanaging my health all of a sudden? What’s going on?” Danny, after a pause: “Okay, because I’m scared that you’re not taking this seriously.” Steve: “Why would you say that?” Danny: “When you told me that you had radiation poisoning, it was you were very casual. It was like, uh, you were telling me you had, uh, eczema or something like that. And it was the same thing with the liver. I give you my liver, you don’t follow any of the post-op instructions. You don’t take nothing seriously. That’s why.” Steve, dismissively: “You’re exaggerating, all right? You’re overexaggerating.” Danny: “I’m not overexaggerating. I am genuinely scared for your health. Okay? I lay up at night, I’m sick about it. I can’t sleep. I almost called that therapist to try to get another session.” Steve, taken aback by Danny’s sincerity: “Why wouldn’t you say something to me?” Danny: “What am I gonna say to you? That – that I’m stressed about the fact that you are not taking this thing seriously about your own health? I mean, I… I’m not gonna put that on you. It’s my own thing. Wh – What am I gonna say to you?” Steve, looking a little humbled: “I’m scared, too, man. I know I don’t I… I don’t show it, but deep down, I’m scared. You think I don’t want to live a long life? You think I don’t want to maybe get married someday? Have my own kids? I love your kids. All right, Charlie, Gracie, I want to watch them grow up.”
Steve, to Danny, after Danny asks him to be his partner in retirement too: “I believe in you. I believe in us.”
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