Karen Horney (that's pronounce hor-nai, okay, not horny) is one of the only (or is actually the only!) female psychologist that is actually discussed in depth in our textbook, and I find her theories pretty interesting, so I expect to blog about her more than once. This post will be about her proposed ideas on neurotic needs.
According to Horney, there 10 neurotic needs that can be classified into 3 broad categories, which also describe a person's coping style for anxiety (and neurosis): (1) moving toward people, (2) moving against people, and (3) moving away from people.
This is very interesting for me because I can characterize almost every book or series character into one of these three categories. We actually have an exercise in class (that I've yet to do) wherein we name a fictional character and a real life person who exhibits the properties of each type. This is not to say that each of the three are mutually exclusive, though they do have their distinguishing characteristics. I personally see myself in each of the types, but my reaction changes depending on the context so I can't just trap myself in one type.
The first one, moving toward people, is described as seeking help and acceptance, having a desire to be liked and to feel worthy, and having the tendency to fall in love quickly, among others. You basically cope with anxiety by attaching yourself to people. This can be healthy if it promotes help-seeking behavior, but can be destructive when you become overly dependent on others and always seek their approval. I see myself in the good and the bad of this type. I used to be afraid of asking for help because I wanted to do everything on my own, but now I can ask for it freely. On the other hand, I sometimes feel as if I do things for the purpose of being recognized, and not necessarily because I want to learn or master a skill. I sometimes take to fictional characters too quickly, but that's neither here nor there. The neurotic need for affection, and a powerful partner fall under this.
I quite possibly relate most to the second one, moving against people, which is described as having the need to feel superior, rejecting people (especially in romantic relationships) before they get the chance to reject you, and feeling bad when other people excel. These people often come across as selfish, bossy, and cruel. I AM ALL OF THESE THINGS. It's kind of scary how like this I am. It's not as bad anymore - I can actually congratulate people who achieve things without feeling bad about it, but I used to be like that in high school and grade school. I often go through externalization, which is projecting hostility to, to quote from my notes, "get them before they get me." I don't actually project hostility for that explicit reason, but it's something near that. I think. I do often reject people - like brushing off crush as meaningless, or convincing myself I deserve better or something silly like that - in order to defend myself from rejection. Hmm! The neurotic need for achievement power, recognition, and admiration fall under this too, which I think I exemplify by my being grade conscious. This semester, however, it seems I'm getting mediocre scores left and right.
I relate the least with the third type, moving away from people, which is described as having asocial behavior, being indifferent to others, and wanting to protect oneself from emotional pain by blocking people out. I am a very social person, so I rarely exhibit this type of behavior or think in this pattern. I can't imagine wanting to deal with problems alone, especially ones where other people are involved. Even when the problem's with me, for example, like failing an exam for Biology, I often ask my friends and family for support, or go to them for sympathy, or ask them to help me study. The neurotic need for independence falls under this, which explains why I don't really relate with it. Again, culture (and in my case, a collectivist society) plays a vital role in how this is emphasized (or how it isn't) in my life.
In any case, neurotic needs and coping styles aren't actual symptoms of neurosis when exhibited in small doses or if your feelings are actually a balance of elements. The right intensity of a reaction could actually result in positive things. For the first type, it could result in stronger relationships. For the second type, it could result in career success, especially in highly competitive fields. For the third type, it could result in being autonomous and independent - being able to think and act for yourself.
This is probably one of the most interesting lessons we've had so far, and hopefully it can be applied to problems outside fictional universes. As it is, it has helped me want to change and be a better, more well-balanced, person.
