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Value yourself. The only people who appreciate a doormat are people with dirty shoes.
Leo F. Buscaglia
@jburnmurdoch: NEW: Is the internet changing our personalities for the worse? Conscientiousness and extroversion are down, neuroticism up, w
By: John Burn-Murdoch
Published: Aug 8, 2025
NEW: Is the internet changing our personalities for the worse?
Conscientiousness and extroversion are down, neuroticism up, with young adults leading the charge.
This is a really consequential shift, and there’s a lot going on here, so let’s get into the weeds
First up, personality analysis can feel vague, and you might well ask why it even matters?
On the first of those, the finding of distinct personality traits is robust. This field of research has been around for decades and holds up pretty well, even across cultures.
On the second, studies consistently find personality shapes life outcomes.
In fact, personality traits — esp conscientiousness and neuroticism — are stronger predictors of career success, divorce and mortality than someone’s socio-economic background or cognitive abilities.
Highly conscientious people (dependable, disciplined, committed) fare best of all. They live the longest, succeed at work, their relationships last.
This makes sense. Life isn’t just about knowing what you should do or having the resources to do it, it’s about following through.
Conscientiousness is especially critical in the modern world. Life today is full of temptations. From hyper-engaging digital media to online gambling, the ability to ignore it all and put long-term wellbeing ahead of short-term kicks becomes a superpower.
Generative AI could supercharge this dynamic.
A high-C student might use an LLM as a personal tutor to strengthen their knowledge of a concept; their low-C counterpart might task the same LLM with writing their essay, foregoing knowledge acquisition altogether.
So, that’s conscientiousness.
At the other end of the spectrum, people high in neuroticism (anxious, often tense, feel emotions very strongly) tend to face more challenges in life.
Relationships break down, work life is difficult, stress can bring health problems.
That’s what makes this chart so important.
People are changing in ways that decades of research suggests will lead to worse life outcomes, and this is particularly true of today’s teens, twenty- and thirty-somethings.
First up, personality analysis can feel vague, and you might well ask why it even matters?
On the first of those, the finding of distinct personality traits is robust. This field of research has been around for decades and holds up pretty well, even across cultures.
On the second, studies consistently find personality shapes life outcomes.
In fact, personality traits — esp conscientiousness and neuroticism — are stronger predictors of career success, divorce and mortality than someone’s socio-economic background or cognitive abilities.
Highly conscientious people (dependable, disciplined, committed) fare best of all. They live the longest, succeed at work, their relationships last.
This makes sense. Life isn’t just about knowing what you should do or having the resources to do it, it’s about following through.
Conscientiousness is especially critical in the modern world. Life today is full of temptations. From hyper-engaging digital media to online gambling, the ability to ignore it all and put long-term wellbeing ahead of short-term kicks becomes a superpower.
Generative AI could supercharge this dynamic.
A high-C student might use an LLM as a personal tutor to strengthen their knowledge of a concept; their low-C counterpart might task the same LLM with writing their essay, foregoing knowledge acquisition altogether.
So, that’s conscientiousness.
At the other end of the spectrum, people high in neuroticism (anxious, often tense, feel emotions very strongly) tend to face more challenges in life.
Relationships break down, work life is difficult, stress can bring health problems.
That’s what makes this chart so important.
People are changing in ways that decades of research suggests will lead to worse life outcomes, and this is particularly true of today’s teens, twenty- and thirty-somethings.
If the headline terms still feel fuzzy, we can dig into the more detailed traits they’re made up of.
Here are some of the sub-traits inside conscientiousness:
Young people say they increasingly struggle to make plans and follow through on them. They feel distracted, careless.
They also say they feel less outgoing and talkative (true of everyone, but especially young adults). Young people also report feeling less helpful and less trusting, as well as more argumentative.
Again: these are people’s own self-assessments, not others’ descriptions of them.
These detailed traits lead me to point the finger at the digital world.
Ubiquitous and hyper-engaging digital media has led to an explosion in distraction, as well as making it easier than ever to either not make plans in the first place or to abandon them last minute.
To put it another way: distractions derail our intentions. And we’re now more distracted than ever.
Distraction is toxic to conscientiousness.
As @kylascan has written, the sheer convenience of the online world makes real-life commitments feel messy and effortful
The in-person world encourages conscientiousness. The digital world gives you an opt-out.
Rejection, Convenience, and the Budget Deficit
The rise of time spent online and accompanying decline in face-to-face interactions mean less social policing of bad behaviours like “ghosting”. See @_alice_evans here:
If you’re low-C on the internet, you don’t pay the price. Not immediately, at least...
Why do so many people complain that online dating is rife with deception, harassment and ghosting?
And note the timing of that steep young adult dip in extroversion:
The pandemic years when young people bore the brunt of restrictions on socialising in order to protect others from harm.
Long the most extroverted group in society, young adults are now the most introverted.
But I want to end on a more empowering note:
Unlike parental background and genetic make-up, there is a wealth of evidence that personality is malleable — what has been eroded can be rebuilt.
Conscientiousness will separate those who just survive from those who thrive in the 21st century. We can each decide which half of that divide we fall on — but ironically that will take some dedication.
Here’s my article in full:
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By: John Burn-Murdoch
Published: Aug 8, 2025
What are the key attributes that shape the length and quality of our careers, relationships and lives more broadly? The socio-economic environment we grow up in certainly has a substantial influence, with parental prosperity acting as a propellant or a key to unlock crucial doors. Cognitive abilities are another obvious one: they enable better decision-making in all aspects of life. But another factor often gets less credit despite being just as important: personality.
In fact, studies consistently find that traits such as conscientiousness (the quality of being dependable and disciplined), emotional stability or agreeableness have a stronger link with professional success, relationship durability and longevity than the links between those outcomes and someone’s intelligence or socio-economic background.
Of all personality types, conscientious people tend to fare best on a number of key measures. They live the longest, have the most career success and are less likely to go through divorce. They even manage to hold down a job during recessions. Intuitively, this makes sense. Life isn’t just about knowing what you should do, or having the resources to do it, it’s about following through. Being motivated and persistent is a huge help.
Some studies suggest the advantage of conscientiousness is growing over time, and it’s easy to imagine why. When contemporary daily life is full of temptations — from always-on mobile internet and the lures of social media and online gambling, to hyper-palatable foods — the ability to ignore it all and put long-term wellbeing ahead of short-term kicks becomes a superpower.
Generative artificial intelligence could supercharge this dynamic. An industrious student who is not deterred by a challenge might use a large language model as a personal tutor to strengthen their knowledge of a concept; their less conscientious counterpart might task the same LLM with writing their essay, foregoing knowledge acquisition altogether.
All this makes it disconcerting that levels of conscientiousness in the population appear to be in decline. Extending a pioneering 2022 US study which identified early signs of a drop during the pandemic, I found a sustained erosion of conscientiousness, with the fall especially pronounced among young adults.
Digging deeper into the data, which comes from the Understanding America Study, we can see that people in their twenties and thirties in particular report feeling increasingly easily distracted and careless, less tenacious and less likely to make and deliver on commitments.
While a full explanation of these shifts requires thorough investigation, and there will be many factors at work, smartphones and streaming services seem likely culprits. The advent of ubiquitous and hyper-engaging digital media has led to an explosion in distraction, as well as making it easier than ever to either not make plans in the first place or to abandon them. The sheer convenience of the online world makes real-life commitments feel messy and effortful. And the rise of time spent online and the attendant decline in face-to-face interactions enable behaviours such as “ghosting”.
Collapsing conscientiousness is not the only personality shift visible in the data. Neuroticism — a function of the much-discussed increase in anxiety — has risen almost as much. Young adults also report feeling less amiable and outgoing. There’s a particularly steep drop shown in the latter during the pandemic, when young people bore the brunt of restrictions on contact in order to protect others from harm. In fact, long the most extroverted group in society, young adults are now the most introverted.
While the terminology of personality can feel vague, the science is solid. Decades of research consistently finds that all these shifts are in the direction associated with negative outcomes down the line. Life is full of challenges. A less committed, less connected and more easily distressed cohort will navigate them less well.
But while the trends are undoubtedly troubling, we shouldn’t be fatalistic. Unlike parental background and genetic make-up, there is a wealth of evidence that personality is malleable — what has been eroded can be rebuilt. Conscientiousness will separate those who just survive from those who thrive in the 21st century. We can each decide which half of that divide we fall on — but ironically that will take some dedication.
Seelie (Agreeable Te-Fi)
Deep Empathy
When the person is Seelie, they retain an open and unobstructed emotional channel to the world. Painful situations register with a more acute sensitivity than most others, and they may be prone to break down in tears upon hearing a terrible story or even looking at a photograph of impoverished or abused children. While all people can experience empathy for their fellow man, none feel it more directly than these individuals. The Seelie person is constantly, but passively, evaluating situations for fairness and alignment with ethics and reason. They will evaluate ethics automatically in their situations. However, they will do so unconsciously with others as their heart is eternally being pinged: "How would I feel in that same situation?" Without necessarily wishing to, they will step into another's shoes and momentarily view reality from that place and feel all the same joys and pains they might imagine the person feeling to gauge what is aligned or misaligned about their situation. In this way, Seelie types have an acute understanding of the individual pains of others and a capacity to understand what is ethically right at the personal level - which can then be extrapolated to what is right at the group level. However, Seelie's attitude starts from the singular and goes out to the group rather than seeking to help the group first by evaluating what is best for the group. They will form a unique philosophy of what is right for society, not based on consensus but on what they have learned about human nature from the inside out.
Protection of the Life Principle
However, this same empathic tendency does not stop at human beings. The Seelie individual will feel the same injury for all manner of animals. There is no reason --it is often thought-- that human life is to be valued exclusively or above that of other life that suffers. In the pursuit to discover the core tenants of moral truth and align themselves to them, the Seelie attitude is often forced to conclude that torture and murder at any scale are wrong by principle and that we cannot cherry-pick when it is ethical or unethical based on our human-centric bias, which often leads to vegetarianism and to an animal rights activism compelled by a belief that "if it can feel pain, then it should be protected." However, this also leads to an appreciation for "creatureness" where the Seelie attitude may imprint on various other animals and come to relate more to them than humans if they share the same temperament. The Seelie person may deeply recognize themselves as an "animal" and as one in the same family as nature, wild and free., which is displayed cinematically in Disney's Snow White, who is herself a perfect Seelie archetype.
Innocent Radiation
When the person is Seelie, they will also be bashful, giddy, disarming, and effeminate. They will be sprite-like, in tune with their inner feelings, continually radiating innocent emotional energy, which often causes a whispery or airy voice and demeanor, as well as a very giggly and transparent personality. However, the Seelie person will only elicit this energy by actively working to remain unclogged by negative emotions. The Seelie attitude is aware that the world is filled with pain. Bitterness, worry, anguish, confusion, and ignored corridors of their minds will cause a spiritual fog to land over them that will muddle the direction of their compass. The Seelie person will dedicate an extraordinary amount of personal time to try to untangle these knots, aligning their hearts to truth and filtering away the gunk to allow their heart to flow cleanly once again. The Seelie attitude wishes least to be obstructed, unhappy, inaccurate, or amoral in how they feel. However, they will not be able to do this --or be Seelie-- with unaddressed material. Without a proper and constant recalibration of their moral instrument, they will be unguided in their direction and stumble into darkness. They will feel they cannot depend on others for the moral truth nor trust themselves because they will recognize their obstructions - leaving them in a morose, clouded state.
-Under Stress
Hypersensitivity
What began as a blessing in understanding others through empathic projection inverts into a disability amidst the raw static and noise of an overwhelming situation. Their empathic abilities backfire on them as the same open emotional channel lets far more in than what can be processed. They will become hyper-stimulated, far too sensitive to negative vibes, and utterly unable to tolerate hostile environments without collapsing into tears. They can come to feel physically ill in emotionally weighted situations, needing to get away from it as soon as possible. There is freezing and paralysis, volatility, and hysteria. A conflict develops between the Seelie person wanting to have their own emotions and resisting being drowned in those of others. They will feel like the outside is trying to change who they are against their will. Life can feel like a chaotic mess, and their natural "permeability" will not make it any easier. However, neither will they want to close their heart or become Unseelie; anything but that. This will cause them to exist like a raw, flailing electric line -- still hot but exposed. Everything is noisy, and knowing what one believes or stands for becomes difficult.
Cowardice & Withdrawal
Like Adaptive types, Seelie types are prone to cowardice, but one that is defined more by an active avoidance of whom they know they need to be. Driven against a wall by a conflict between their ideals and human reality, the dark and aggressive elements of personality will be abhorrent to them. They will not even consider it an option to act from their vectors, deciding instead to cower and be trampled over by others rather than face and integrate aggression into their character when justice demands it. They fear evil entering their heart, but in avoiding it, they are responsible for spreading the evil of inaction. They will let underhanded things slide beneath their nose and will not stand up for what they believe. Indeed, it is quite distressing for the Seelie type, who is most drawn to champion their values, to view themselves as lacking the backbone to be themselves. Since being a beacon of truth is among the most important things to the Seelie person, this will create much internal guilt, and the person may slowly grow to hate themselves for being weak. They will not feel prepared to face the world until they reconcile their heart and ideals with the situation.
Meanwhile, they will leave everyone else in suspense, avoiding calls or responsibilities. They will sulk in their room rather than confront life. Unlike Adaptive types, they may not bother lying their way into grace and social acceptance. They will instead collapse underneath the pressure of their anxiety and freeze.
Playing Victim
However, not all Seelie individuals will swallow their pain in silence. Others may craft a voice around it, generating art from their experiences. They will pour poetry and songs to encapsulate their condition, indulging passive-aggressive commentary on the world while containing glimmers of squelched hopes. This Seelie person will be a broken bird, a disenchanted idealist who realizes that the world is too wretched for beauty to last within. The distressed Seelie individual will talk about their difficulties in life openly with a mournful spirit. The same transparent emotional radiation that was once bashful and giddy becomes melodramatic, sullen, and woeful. They will wear their bleeding heart in open display, emanating a private sorrow that also saturates their environment. The world is seen as a horrible place. Everyone is cruel, and nobody seems to care. The pitiable Seelie type may incite concern and care in some, or they may simply succeed in weighing down the atmosphere, transforming their situation into a pity party of one. They will play the victim and may begin to nauseate others with their theatrics. It may even be painfully obvious to them that they are bringing down everyone's mood, but they will be unable to help it, not being able to change who they are or what they feel.
Among Us is a really great game, its sci-fi mystery, and most mystery games are boring. Tiny lil bean fellas walking around doing chores while big bad bean finds you. The only problem with it is, when you play with strangers, they judt blame you for no reason. Thas gaming tho, lel.
So, I am an ENFP and I get very confused sometimes because I tend to be a very strict rule follower. Everything else fits great and I don't even like that rule-following part of me (it's lowkey boring sometimes) but it seems like that doesn't fit the ENFP type. Is that weird?
Hi there!
No, I don’t think it’s necessarily weird! Rule-following is more so a behavioural trait that is indicative of high agreeableness or high conscientiousness.:)
What this is means is that you might follow rules because you don’t want to deal with the conflict that arises whenever expectations are violated (high agreeableness), or whenever you simply want your life to be highly orderly (high conscientiousness).
I’ve known a few ENFPs like you describe, so don’t fret - it’s not uncommon.
The rebellious streak that is associated with ENFPs is mostly a result of high Ne being inclined to look for alternative ways of seeing the world and new ways of interpreting details. This unusualness and novelty-seeking might come across as challenge to convention and rule-following, but really it’s just voiced imagination.
IMO, ENFPs at their best combine sensibility and self-control with their imagination. In other words, you can be smart about your rebelliousness. :)
(Though I cannot confirm you are indeed ENFP from this ask alone, unfortunately)
How Your Personality Shapes What Types of Exercise Work Best For You
If you want to be healthier and exercise more, it's important to first understand your individual personality so that you can choose activities that resonate with you and keep you motivated.
Click here to learn more!
I took the Big 5 personality test.
These are my scores. Openness is linked to creativity, so what I learned from this is that in my personality my love of the arts is outweighed only by my neuroticism.
A lot of these conversations remind me of similar conversations I've had over the years with people about economics. Economists use a lot of specialized vocabulary—for example, "optimal" does not mean the superlative "best" outcome is achieved, even though that's obviously what it means colloquially. In economics, it essentially means, "the best possible outcome."
Peterson has gotten criticized over saying that women are more agreeable than men on average, which is simply recounting the existing survey data, but then he's also criticized for observing that some of the women who are less agreeable do what you'd expect less agreeable women to do—focus on their careers, put off having children, etc.
What's weird about it is that the criticism is never about whether or not women are indeed more agreeable on average, or about whether or not being moderately disagreeable is helpful in competitive environments. The criticism is all built around the mistaken idea that when Peterson says this stuff, he's saying that women are inherently "bad" because of these observations.
I've never once heard him say anything that leads me to believe he thinks any of the standard psychological traits are "inferior."
Even stranger still is that he's getting accused of being a misogynist on both sides—if he says that women are agreeable, then critics say he means that agreeableness is weakness and women are therefore weak; but if he says that some women are disagreeable, then critics say he's actually saying that women are jerks. Either way, the criticism is predicated not on the idea that Peterson is right or wrong about a positive, empirical claim, but that he thinks women are inferior.
I've watched a lot of clips of him talking, and I've never once heard him say anything that leads me to believe he thinks any of the standard psychological traits are "inferior," and certainly not that the ones that skew female are worse than the ones that skew male.
But I'm coming to his videos with some basic understanding of the terminology and the state of the research. I think most of his critics are coming to his videos with a preconceived belief that he hates [insert non-white male identity group here] and proceeding from there.
There's a difference between making an empirical claim ("is") and making a normative claim ("ought").
Peterson will occasionally make normative claims, but not a single one I've ever seen has anything to do with believing that women or men are inherently superior or inferior to each other. Nearly every aspect of his overall belief structure as a psychologist seems to hew towards balance—that all of these traits are useful and important, particularly in moderation, and that they complement each other.