Here’s the thing. Practical self-care, such as showering, feeding yourself, talking a walk, cleaning your space, getting rest, ect. will not solve every problem you have. Especially the big, serious ones. But it will solve a ton of smaller problems that are building up, adding to your stress, and using the energy you need to cope with those big serious problems.
You can feel as awful as you want, just eat a sandwich first.
I think there’s this little instinct we have that rejects solutions to our problems if I feel better after getting my sandwich that means my problems are less valid and therefore if I want my pain to be REAL it can’t be relieved in any way which is nonsense the reason why my problems feel smaller when I take care of myself is that I have more energy to cope with them and that’s a GOOD thing The whole “oh must be nice to think that getting outside cures depression” movement is not in my opinion a victim complex so much as it’s a “I’m in pain and when you try to give me an easy solution it feels like you’re not listening to me” reaction
Warnings: child marriage, yandere, obsession, child neglect, failed assassination attempt, death of minor characters.
Words: 1k
Summary: Married off to the least favorite son of the Emperor, fifteen-year-old you become a wife of a sick child who barely knows how to read and write, abandoned by the royal family. Trying to bring him up on your own, you soon realize you can’t keep him safe, regardless of what you do.
Part I
Part II
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When you are pressed so tightly against him, you can feel how warm he is as if his body is a burning furnace, hot iron hidden beneath his heavy clothes made of wool and fur. It's hard to breathe in his embrace, but you say nothing to him - you yearned for this warmth, for someone to hug you so tightly it would feel suffocating and a little painful. He missed you. He missed you so much he is close to breaking your bones with his grip on you, and now it's you who seem feeble in comparison to him, a man who's one head taller than you, his shoulders a mile wide, his arms so strong he can surely bend a poker with them.
Your little prince with his too-blue eyes and fair hair, shining like gold in the sunlight.
"I spent so much time thinking what I'm going to say to you when I meet you again, and now I don't know what to say at all," he laughs in your hair, taking your headpiece off so he could drop a kiss to the top of your head.
He takes you aback, a boy-turned-man, your prince-turned-king. Although you know well how His Majesty should be treated, Steve certainly doesn't expect you to bow and curtsy in front of him. It almost looks like he seeks the same treatment you gave him when you two were mere children, bound by marital vows you didn't take seriously. He must have missed you terribly, you think, suddenly wondering why a few moments ago the thought of being alone with him terrified you to the core.
"Then tell me you are well," you smile at him, raising your head up to stare in his mischievous, laughing eyes. "Tell me you are healthy and safe."
"I'd prefer if you told me you are healthy and safe, but I know it's not true." He lowers his gaze as if assessing you, and you suddenly feel embarrassed. Of course, you are no longer young, and your beauty only fades with age more and more when Steven grows stronger, becoming a man he's ought to be.
Nature is cruel to women, you remember your nanny saying. It is especially cruel to those who have to live in a place with never-ending winter, and suffer from malnutrition and hard work. Although you see little need in being pretty in a place where beauty is seen in warm hands and cheeks, you still feel embarrassed when Steven looks at you like this. Surrounded by the most beautiful women of the country, he surely knows how a proper lady should look, and you have nothing in common with her.
"It will be alright now, I promise," he tells you gently, leaving one more kiss on your forehead as you try to hide yourself in his embrace. "Besides, we brought food and clothes, so by now everyone must be having a little feast. We'll join them a little later."
He brought what? Food and clothes? For the people of this godforsaken place? It's not like you expected Steve to grow up cruel and unforgiving - though you feared such an outcome - but you are used to the thought of nobles of the capital caring little for people of the North, judging by ridiculously little money Baron Maximoff can pry off their hands to provide for his citizens. It brings you to smile widely, thinking of feeding your children bread, vegetables, and maybe even some meat stew. It would be great if they could have better coats and boots, and if you can persuade Steve, they could even get warm hats...
"Please tell me you missed me," the man whispers, and you think you can hear a familiar pleading in his voice just like when he asked you to let him sleep with you on your bed, afraid of staying alone in his room.
You let out a soft sigh, your hand on his cheek as you whisper in return, "I never missed anyone as much as I missed you, silly."
Listening to you saying that makes him grin like a boy, and you can't help but think how different he is now compared to how horrifying and regal he seemed in the hall where you sat with your children, afraid to speak in his presence. How does he manage to change so fast? Is it a trick he learned while taming the Court and snobbish royal family?
He laughs louder when he sees your amusement.
"You will be rewarded for it, my lady. Come, we have a matter to attend to."
While you struggle to think of any decent matter to require both yours and his attention, he drags you away from a cold room back to the corridor and then to the back door, making you wonder if he asked a servant on his way here because Steven certainly can't know where to go. Then you think back to the issue he mentioned, and wonder if it has anything to do with provisions and clothes he brought to your people.
But when you leave the orphanage, a carriage with two horses awaits you along with a couple of knights, one of them passing a long, fur-lined cloak to His Majesty, and Steve carefully places it on your shoulders. Politely giving you his hand so you could climb your way up into the carriage, he follows without uttering another word. You grow worried.
"But children..." you start, nervously glancing back at the shabby building where your kids are left alone with knights and several servants.
"... are probably unpacking their presents now," the Emperor finishes with a cheeky grin, and you clench the expensive fabric of your cloak, unable to tell whether you are worried or happy or unable to believe what's happening. "Don't worry, I brought a couple of nannies and two governesses from the capital, I'm sure they'll manage without you."
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