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@petral
βββΒ BE THE SERPENT BENEATH.
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ind.Β priv.Β sel.Β mat.Β canon divergentΒ roleplay blog for petra ralΒ of attack on titan.Β majority headcanon based.Β as rescuedΒ by silas.Β hubbed at storysaved.
i am not immune 2 shifter petra.....
hiraeth
(hΙ¨raΙͺΜ―ΞΈ),Β noun |Β A Welsh, untranslatable feeling,Β hiraeth is loosely described as a homesickness for a home you cannot return to anymore or a place, which never even existed. Connotations of sadness, yearning, profound nostalgia, and wistfulness are imbued into the state of hiraeth. Overall this beautiful, but painful longing is a an expression of an empty desire and grief over a past life or place. It is the ultimate signifier of a bond which has ceased to exist. Β (via mirroir)
βShe had a way of seeing the beauty in others, even, and perhaps most especially, when that person couldnβt see it in themselves.β
β J.K. Rowling, The Prisoner of Azkaba
Nobody fuckingΒ βownsβ me so jot that down
onyxiumβ:
SOMETHINGΒ DEEPLYΒ PROFOUNDΒ LIESΒ UNSPOKENΒ BETWEENΒ THEM,Β Β something in the flicker of blueβblack eyes as the captain levels them on her.Β Β Β heβs seen this all before,Β before the corps,Β before heβd chosen the life of killing titans over the life of killing other humans.Β Β Β his gaze remains impassive as it sweeps along the destruction around them ;Β Β the rubble,Β crushing so many innocent people ;Β Β the sticky scent of blood drifting through the haze,Β thick & cloying ;Β Β the lingering cries for help,Β for mercy,Β forΒ anyoneΒ outΒ thereββ
βΒ β¦ i made my peace with being a devil long ago,Β petra.Β Β Β the notion of the hero is lost on a guy like me who has spent the better part of thirty years playingΒ THEΒ MONSTER.Β Β β
thereβs a bitterness that laces his words like the gentian root heβs been forced to take on multiple occasions by hange when heβs experienced bouts ofΒ stomachΒ trouble.Β Β Β yes,Β even the mightyΒ LEVIΒ ACKERMANΒ has many of the same ailments as other humans do.Β Β Β he suffers with occasionalΒ lossΒ ofΒ appetite,Β Β something that can be deadly given their lifestyle β¦ but with the sight thatβs currently laid out in front of them,Β levi can already taste that tincture in his future.
in truth he wants to offer her some words of comfort,Β something to take the edge off of an already horrid situation.Β Β Β petra has been a loyal soldier,Β following his every command without question even when things had seemed to be at their bleakest β¦ butΒ THIS?Β Β Β doubtless in his mind,Β she hadnβt been born forΒ warfare.Β Β Β fighting titans is one thing :Β Β KILLINGΒ HUMANSΒ ISΒ ANOTHERΒ THINGΒ ENTIRELY.Β Β Β ESPECIALLYΒ THEΒ INNOCENTΒ ONES.
yet when he opens his mouth again,Β nothing comes out.Β Β Β heβsΒ paralyzed.
all around him are the eyes of those that had gone before him :Β Β eld,Β gunther,Β oluo,Β farlan,Β isabel β¦ his mother.Β Β Β ERWIN.Β Β Β the weight of it all settles onto his shoulders,Β comfortable,Β a resting predator that lazes about after a heavy meal of hopes & dreams & innocent flesh.Β Β Β itβsΒ hisΒ responsibilityΒ now,Β Β asΒ itΒ hasΒ alwaysΒ been.Β Β Β & when he stares at the ground beneath his boots,Β as grey & mucky as his headspace feels,Β levi cannot help feeling as if heβdΒ FAILEDΒ THEMΒ ALL.
βΒ β¦ but β¦ that doesnβt mean thatΒ youΒ deserve that fate too,Β or the rest of my squad,Β or that any of those people did.Β Β Β no one,Β not even eren jaeger,Β gets to define someoneβs destiny like that :Β Β weβll just have toΒ MAKEΒ OURΒ OWNΒ HOPEΒ since heβs so clearly fucked us all out of what little heβd given us.
βΒ that speck of hope we had in him is why this shit is so goddamn hard,Β why we fight so fucking hard for a scrap of whatβs justlyΒ oursΒ to deserve.Β Β Β eren jaeger doesnβt understand the taste of piss & shit,Β the feeling of going to bed with dried blood on your hands & legs,Β the sound of your mother being beaten within an inch of her life in the room next door.Β Β Β he lost his mother to the titans :Β Β Β bigΒ fuckingΒ deal.Β Β Β weβveΒ ALLΒ lost someone we love to the fucking titans.Β Β Β eren jaeger isnβt a monster :Β Β heβs a fucking child throwing a tantrum in a giant fucking meat suit because he thinks heβs been oppressed.Β Β Β there areΒ realΒ monsters in this world,Β petra,Β & they look just like you & me.Β Β Β thing is?Β Β Β IΒ DONβTΒ SEEΒ ANYΒ OFΒ THEMΒ HERE.
βΒ i want to tell you that things will be okay.Β Β Β that weβll figure this shit out,Β that hange can be just likeΒ ERWINΒ &Β can tell the top brass back home what the shit happened here & avoid an allβout fuckingΒ Β war.Β Β Β that we can negotiate a fuckingΒ PRICEΒ for the death toll here today.Β Β Β but iβm not a fucking bureaucrat :Β Β iβm not gonnaΒ lieΒ toΒ youΒ for your own sake or my own or some fucking cause that iβm supposed to sell myself to.Β Β Β you know me better than that.Β Β Β soΒ Β YEAH,Β Β maybe weβre the villains in this story for failing jaeger.Β Β Β maybe we couldβve done something to strike that balance years ago.Β Β Β but iβm not about to beat myself up over the fuckingΒ Β βwhat ifβs,Β petra,Β & neither should you :Β Β becauseΒ Β THERE Β IS Β NO Β BALANCE. Β Β THERE Β NEVER Β WAS. Β β
again his words taste of gentian : Β Β a Β bitter Β goddamn Β pill Β to Β swallow.
sheΒ laughsΒ ,Β a bitterΒ ,Β hollow thing compared to what it once was.Β how manyΒ comradesΒ ,Β how manyΒ friendsΒ had she lost to the titansΒ ,Β how brutally had guntherΒ ,Β eldΒ ,Β evenΒ oluoΒ been killed right before her eyes ??Β she remembered their facesΒ ,Β the final expressions they wore before they diedΒ ,Β remembered their bodies in the forestΒ ,Β remembered theΒ bloodΒ Β it haunted herΒ ,Β it motivated herΒ ,Β itΒ angeredΒ &Β upset her.Β she had to make sure they didnβt die inΒ vainΒ ,Β that their sacrificeΒ ,Β that everyoneβsΒ lossΒ &Β painΒ &Β sufferingΒ was worthΒ somethingΒ in the end.Β it terrified her to think it might all be forΒ nothingΒ .Β
β ....heβs certainly not the person i thought he was. βΒ
her grip on her gun loosensΒ &Β sheΒ sighsΒ ,Β closing her eyes for a moment.Β sheβs not sure if she believes in devilsΒ ,Β or angelsΒ ,Β or heroesΒ &Β monstersΒ &Β the stuff of fairytales anymore.Β franklyΒ ,Β petra isnβt sure sheΒ everΒ didΒ ,Β even as a girl.Β fairytales werenβtΒ realityΒ ,Β &Β heroes couldnβt help anyone without getting their hands dirty.Β she learned that quickΒ ,Β it was how sheΒ survivedΒ as long as she did.Β it almostΒ soothesΒ herΒ ,Β to hear the bitter truth from levi more than anything else.Β she doesnβtΒ wantΒ a lieΒ ,Β or anythingΒ sugar-coatedΒ ,Β she isnβt so naΓ―ve as toΒ needΒ it anymore.
she just wants aΒ reasonΒ ,Β aΒ goodΒ one for all the bloodshed.
β and maybe that isΒ our fault.Β or maybe itβs someone elseβs.Β or maybe itβs just the fault of this horrible, fucked up world.Β and maybe we areΒ the villains, or maybe we arenβt, maybe weβre all just people, fighting to protect the people we still have. βΒ
her hands twitch as she holsters her gunΒ ,Β sets it asideΒ &Β closes her eyes.Β itβs the instinctive urge toΒ reach outΒ ,Β to holdΒ ,Β to touchΒ ,Β toΒ protectΒ the people she cares aboutΒ ,Β hold them close to her as if that would protect them from much ofΒ anythingΒ .Β she holds them tightlyΒ ,Β curls her hands intoΒ fistsΒ ,Β because now is not the time for her to have a soft heartΒ ,Β now is not the time for her toΒ careΒ .Β
β iβm not sure of the truth anymore, not really.Β i think the only thing i amΒ sure of is that as long as i can stand, iβm going to fight.Β for every single person we lost.Β itβs all i can do, so i will, no matter who iβm fighting. βΒ
she looks up from her hands after a momentΒ ,Β renewed resolve flaring.Β itβs not like her to lay downΒ &Β surrenderΒ when things get messyΒ ,Β because itβsΒ alwaysΒ been messy.Β she just wants to make this terribleΒ ,Β awfulΒ world just a little bit better for people.
itβs all she can doΒ ,Β after all.
let me assign you a love language.
a story that ends in blood.
The world has always been unkind, and when you have turned to yourself for comfort you have come face to face with an empty pit which seems to be laughing. You donβt care if it kills you but once you find someone whom you love and who loves you back, you will make sure nothing happens to them. They are yours. You will make a tear in this world and create a new place for you and your love if it comes to that. Because it has always been about love, and it is how it always ends.
TAGGED BY:Β stolen from @jaegerbcmb TAGGING:Β @onyxium, @darkheartedprince, @avulsusprincepsβ, and you !!
popcorn or chips? ice cream or cake? toffees or lollipops? dark chocolate or milk chocolate?
@onyxiumβ said: β Β the world isnβt made up of heroes and monsters. just broken people balancing between the two. Β β lost meme.
petraβs hair is getting longΒ ,Β much longer than she normally wouldβve liked to keep it.Β she can tell because these daysΒ ,Β she has to tie it backΒ ,Β keep it out of her face so it doesnβt block her visionΒ ,Β so it doesnβt get her killed.Β but she doesnβt cut itΒ ,Β nor does she ask anyone else to.Β in the grand scheme of things right nowΒ ,Β the length of her hair isΒ hardlyΒ something worth caring aboutΒ ,Β but care she does all the same.
it reminds her just how much time has passed since everything changedΒ ,Β sinceΒ theyΒ had to changeΒ ,Β sinceΒ sheΒ had changed.
sheβs been staringΒ numblyΒ at the gun in her hand for a while nowΒ ,Β itβsΒ leviβsΒ voice that breaks her out of her tranceΒ ,Β &Β from behind a piece of hairΒ ,Β she smilesΒ ,Β but itβs weak.Β itβs weakΒ &Β fragileΒ &Β oh soΒ tiredΒ ,Β just like her.
β is that what happened, then ??Β did we just...fall out of balance ?? βΒ
one hand tucks the loose strand of hair behind her earΒ ,Β smile falling from her face as she speaks.Β her voice soundsΒ hoarseΒ ,Β as though she hasnβt spoken in a whileΒ ,Β &Β perhaps thatβs true.
if there were no heroesΒ &Β there were no monstersΒ ,Β what did you call someone who started a war by killing innocent people ??Β without heroesΒ &Β monstersΒ ,Β what was she supposed to think of herselfΒ ,Β numbed by the sightsΒ &Β sounds of warΒ &Β ruin ??Β
β you know iβll fight no matter what.Β if you think itβs right, if you want to charge ahead, you know iβll follow. βΒ
her throat seems to close around her next statementΒ ,Β compassion spilling freely from her bleeding heart.Β sheβd been killing titans for a long timeΒ ,Β though she supposed that with what they knew nowΒ ,Β fighting real peopleΒ ,Β killingΒ real people wasnβt all that different.
kill orΒ beΒ killedΒ ,Β isnβt that how the world works ??Β
β but... β
she wavers for a momentΒ ,Β the hands around her gun clutching itΒ tightlyΒ now.Β she said she would follow him anywhereΒ ,Β she meant that withΒ allΒ her heart.Β butΒ thisΒ ??Β petra wasnβt sure she was meant for thisΒ ,Β for this kind of bloodshedΒ ,Β to look another person in the eye asΒ sheΒ killed them.
&Β what was any of it for anyways ??Β why did they start this war ??Β what was the plan ??Β what was theΒ reasonΒ now for any of it ??Β
β but i didnβt....all those innocentΒ people.... βΒ
children crushed in the streetΒ ,Β in the stands at the playΒ ,Β mothersΒ &Β fathers killed alongside themΒ ,Β protecting their children.Β so much damageΒ &Β destructionΒ ,Β so muchΒ innocentΒ blood spilled.Β they couldnβt stay out of this war any longerΒ ,Β not with all the blood that petra was sure stained their hands now.
but the blood wasnβt what bothered herΒ ,Β nor the death.Β sheβd seen plenty of it when reinerΒ &Β bertholdtΒ the armoredΒ &Β colossal titans tried to bring down the wallsΒ ,Β when zekeΒ the beast titanΒ slaughteredΒ dozens of her comradesΒ &Β the recruits.
what bothered herΒ ,Β whatΒ alwaysΒ bothered herΒ ,Β was never the dead of war.
it was the living.Β
β ....is all of this because weβre supposed to believe in eren ??Β are we throwing aside our own humanity....because heβs supposed to be the one to save us ?? βΒ
heβs not a godΒ ,Β she wanted to sayΒ ,Β heβs not a god or a hero or some kind of saviorΒ .Β at one pointΒ ,Β perhaps sheβd have defended him with moreΒ vigorΒ than she cursed him now.Β was this what he wantedΒ ,Β to get theΒ restΒ of them killed fighting his stupid war ??
once upon a timeΒ ,Β petra wouldβve beenΒ happyΒ to die protecting himΒ ,Β she almostΒ hadΒ once before.Β butΒ nowΒ ,Β he was someone else.Β the eren she knew wasΒ goneΒ ,Β no bringing him back now.
β if heβs supposed to be the hope of humanity....maybe we really areΒ the devils they say. β
i really, really do think that petra seeing what eren became would really make her sad, but also angry.Β like.Β her comrades didnβt die, her friendsΒ didnβt die trying to protect him just for him to turn around and become the real monster.Β whatβs worse than her being mad at him is that sheβs disappointedΒ in him.Β sheβd probably slap him, because sheΒ was willing to die to protect him if it came down to it, but not anymore, and now she feels like all of the friends and comrades sheβs had to bury have truly died in vain.
seggrβ:
@petralβ (starter call, acc.)
βββ- Human embodiment of nonchalence, Eld Gin sits alone in the room allocated solely to his squad; their own little haven of peace when all four of them and their captain grow weary of other peopleβs company, or indulge in one of their famous tea breaks. Legs stretched out before him as he sits at the table, a cup of said tea cooling down in his hand and paperwork in the other, Captain Leviβs second-in-command is too absorbed in his thoughts to notice the hurried and determined footsteps coming from the corridor; only know heβs not alone anymore when a hurricane flungs the door open and gives way to none other than Petra Ral. A very irritated, possibly very scary Petra Ral.
ββ¦ Petra?β Eldβs voice pipes up, quiet and breathy as a flute; sometimes makes it hard to imagine a man with this timbre may be able to display any semblance of authority, and yet. Without a sign of hurry in the world, Eld drops the file on the table,leaves his tea on top of it, and crosses his hands upon his stomach; hazel eyes calmly fixed upon his friend, a hint of quiet concern in them, laced with his usual curiosity.Β βIs everything okay? You look like you just bit someone, or are just about to.βΒ
β i might. βΒ
were she lessΒ angryΒ ,Β she mightβve been more careful with opening the doorΒ ,Β it always feltΒ rudeΒ to slam things.Β but sheβsΒ annoyedΒ ,Β sheβsΒ angryΒ reallyΒ ,Β &Β she frowns up at eldΒ ,Β arms crossed over her chest.Β violence wasnβtΒ usuallyΒ her thingΒ ,Β she stuck to her viper tongueΒ &Β sharp wordsΒ ,Β but biting someone soundedΒ muchΒ more cathartic than beingΒ meanΒ .
β itβs not that important, really.Β sorry for bothering you. βΒ
itβs notΒ eldΒ sheβs mad atΒ ,Β it wouldnβt be veryΒ fairΒ to take it out on himΒ ,Β &Β she sighsΒ ,Β closing her eyesΒ &Β digging her fingers into her temples for a moment.Β she didnβt like being angryΒ ,Β &Β it wasnβt very productive to stew in itΒ ,Β so she boxes it upΒ &Β puts it asideΒ ,Β huffing quietly as she does so.Β
β ....is there anything that needs to be done ?? β
NAME : Β Β Petra Ral NICKNAME(S) : Β Β None really, but not opposed to them. GENDER : Β Β Cis female. ORIENTATION : Β Β Bisexual, has dated/slept with both men and women. PREFERRED Β PET Β NAMES : Β Β 'dear/sweetheartβ/etc.β, the more sweet or romantic ones are fine once in a while in public,Β βbaby/babe/etc.β are more preferred for private situations. RELATIONSHIP Β STATUS : Β Β single. ADMINβS Β FAVORITE Β CANON Β SHIPS : Β Β bold of you to assume petra gets canon relationships :β) ADMINβS Β FAVORITE Β NONβCANON Β SHIPS : Β Β i will admit, i love rivetra, but otherwise, whatever happens happens and will get all my uwus OPINION Β ON Β TRUE Β LOVE : Β Β believes that itβs a nice idea in theory, isnβt too sure about how real it is. OPINION Β ON Β LOVE Β AT Β FIRST Β SIGHT : Β Β Definitely doesnβt think itβs real, believes that love is something you work to build and nurture, thinks that more than anything you choose to love people and work at it. HOW Β β ROMANTIC β Β ISΒ SHE : Β Β Not particularly on the surface or around others.Β She does enjoy showing affection in several ways ( physical, telling people things that made her think of them, etc. ), but in private she can definitely be more romantic.Β She prefers small, meaningful gestures between her and her partner more than anything else. IDEAL Β PHYSICAL Β TRAITS Β IN Β A Β PARTNER :Β Β Β No real preferences, but she will admit that she likes being shorter than her partner.Β Otherwise, sheβd like someone who can keep up with her. UNATTRACTIVE Β PERSONALITY Β TRAITS Β IN Β A Β PARTNER : Β Β Cruelty, indifference, lying, mistreatment of others, dislike of animals, unorganized/messy, rude, cowardice, disloyal/flaky. AVERAGE Β RELATIONSHIP Β LENGTH : Β Β Her longest was a boyfriend of three years, but they broke up because he didnβt like how close she put herself to death being in the survey corps.Β She still keeps the necklace he made her. PREFERRED Β NONβSEXUAL Β INTIMACY : Β Β shared activities, spending time together, talking about whatever comes to mind, even doing assigned chores or tasks together. COMMITMENT Β LEVEL : Β Β Once sheβs in, sheβs in, and never does anything with less than 100%.Β Sheβs committed to relationships for as long as they last, and doesnβt have any particular reservations about commitment. OPINION Β ON Β PUBLIC Β AFFECTION : Β Β Hand holding or more subtle things are fine, but she wouldnβt be comfortable with anything past that, generally speaking. PAST Β PARTNERS : Β Β Unnamed boyfriend and a few flings, she doesnβt talk about her relationships often, if ever.
TAGGED BY:Β no one, i stole it from @seggr TAGGING:Β just yoink it and say i tagged you if you want to
The small feathers gathered one by one, forming a white wing. The small lives are lost one by one, becoming the black wing left behind.Β
AO3 | FF.NET
The ephemeral beauty of cherry blossoms by Teruo Araya
βShe was saying goodbye and she didnβt even know it.β
β Markus Zusak, The Book Thief
hi never have a drinking competition with petra, itβs a bad idea For You
