Agent Michigan

Project Freelancer - field medicine specialist - temp leader of Bravo tier FL and lower- For the last fucking time, go to Medical.

[orlissa]

Hi,

It’s your friendly neighbor fanfic author here. In the light of this apparent new trend of people feeding unfinished fics to AI to get an “ending,” and some people even talking about “blanket permissions,” let me just say this:

I EXPLICITLY FORBID ANYONE TO FEED MY FICS TO AI. DUDE, THAT IS ABOUT THE LEAST RESPECTFUL THING YOU CAN DO. IF YOU DO IT, SHALL YOU BE EXCOMMUNICATED FROM YOUR FANDOM AND WALK ON LEGOS BAREFOOT TILL THE END OF DAYS.

That is my anti-permission.

Thank you for your attention.

[aidenpriceless]

Due to last minute changes to our schedule, we will unfortunately be caught doing good deeds on camera. We hope you don't mind seeing the most philantrophic and spontaneous side of us. As you may have noticed, we can't help but pour our soul into every service we provide irrespective to your subscription plan. Please do not let this tarnish the image you have of us.

[pflagentmichigan]

So, does this mean you'll take down a few of the security cameras to avoid this happening again? And can you start with the ones in the showers and go from there?

[aidenpriceless]

Agent Florida might want to channel his...Protective instincts in different ways as opposed to pre-chewing food for the rest of the agents.

[pflagentmichigan]

If he would kindly stop trying to french kiss it down our throats, that would also be appreciated, thanks.

[aidenpriceless]

⚠️ Error: despite no detection of rebelliousness or contrarianism, your test results are vastly different than your teammates'. The format of your file might be incompatible and in need of conversion (Choose OK to continue).

Proceed with lobotomy?

>OK I deserve to be alive the way I am

[pflagentmichigan]

WHOA WHOA WAIT I JUST CAME HERE TO GET MY BLOOD PRESSURE CHECKED AND LET ME TELL YOU MY DUDE IT IS *SPIKING* RIGHT NOW

[aidenpriceless]

Notice

Due to recent cuts to the personnel, I am currently being required to take over as our freelancer agents' new sleep paralysis demon. We would like to thank everyone else who applied for the position.

[pflagentmichigan]

Wait, I never saw any internal job postings for this. Was the position of "conscience" also filled? Or has that been deemed obsolete?

[aidenpriceless]

Would it reassure you to know that you will come out of this with more wisdom regarding workplace trauma? Knowledge truly is power.

[pflagentmichigan]

No. Because you usually like to deliver that knowledge in person.

[pflagentmichigan]

So let's say I theoretically stole something from R&D, and now people are looking for me. In this theoretical situation, where should I hide?

-Agent Oregon

Don't drag me into this, sinner. I'm not about to just give away the best hiding spot in the entire ship, behind the two cargo crates half hidden next to the damaged Pelican that they are using for parts. You sort out your own problems.

[aidenpriceless]

I was wondering why pets are not allowed on the Mother of Invention. In my personal opinion, having a few cats or dogs running around would help raise agent morale.

-Agent Oregon

Greetings, Agent Oregon. While it is true that cats and dogs are not allowed on the Mother Of Invention, there is a history of keeping pets of other species that are more compatible with our efforts for maintenance. Hope this answers your question.

[pflagentmichigan]

This place is practically a zoo as it is. The day I have to pick up literal animal shit in addition to putting up with metaphorical shit from these metaphorical animals is the day I go AWOL.

[aidenpriceless]

[pflagentmichigan]

I would say those were the good old days, but it would be an outright lie.

[aidenpriceless]

If you are panicking and generally anxious about your life circumstances, try to see the small menial tasks in your life as your source of power and safety. It's not like you have anything else.

[pflagentmichigan]

Is that why you post so much here?

[aidenpriceless]

Notice

Since we do value positive reinforcement, the agents that have never been in the top 3 will receive the number 1 spot on the leaderboard for one hour on their birthday as a consolation prize. You are welcome.

[pflagentalaska-blog]

@pflagentmichigan HEY LOOK MA IMMA GET NUMBER ONE SPOT

[pflagentmichigan]

*sigh*

Price, your attempts to humiliate are useless in the face of the collective stupidity of my team. It's a force field as effective as North's shield. Nice try, please play again.

[aidenpriceless]

I think Michigan might let me keep a fruit bat if we get more fruit, so can we get more fruit?

I am afraid that depends on whether we pass the test about preventing another orange incident.

[pflagentmichigan]

I said no such thing.

Also, why do you think that a earth-species of bat would be so easy to find in space? Any "bat" you did find could have horrific defenses or carry alien diseases. You could potentially wipe out the MOI's entire crew in a matter of hours.

[aidenpriceless]

You know how desperate I must be to come to you about this.... but I'm having extreme insomnia. Nothing is working. Exercise, meditation, warm milk, herbal tea, counting sheep, soft music, no devices, white noise, no caffeine (no coffee at all, how do people live like this). I'm at my wits end. Which comes to my question--

WHAT THE FUCK IS BUZZING IN MY ROOM, AND WHY DOES MY COMMUNICATOR ALWAYS SAY YOU JUST CALLED????? STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!

I am not sure what you are referring to, Agent Michigan. From what you are describing it seems to be a recurring event. If I had to speak to you urgently and see that you did not pick up your communicator I would look for you in person during training hours.

Would it reassure you to know that hallucinations can be caused by severe sleep deprivation?

[pflagentmichigan]

That's not reassuring at all, though it might explain why Westie looks like a walking cooked turkey. No, wait, isn't that supposed to be when you're very hungry? Maybe that's why she looked so startled when I asked asked about her stuffing. I haven't had a good stuffing in ages. Years maybe.

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, dolphins.

Did you know that there are two kinds of dolphins, the fish and the cats? They both have blowholes instead of gills, but unlike the cat, the "true" dolphins has fur.

I heat meowing. WHY ARE THERE SO MANT FUCJING DOLPHINS IN THE WALLS.

I just want to sleep please let me sleep

[aidenpriceless]

That is very interesting, Agent Michigan. You might want to contact Agent Washington if you are serious about discussing stuffing the thanksgiving turkey. There is still plenty of time to do so, thus I would not pressure you to sort out the matter urgently.

That aside, I am inclined to invite you to schedule a blood test so that we can arrange an appropriate prescription for you.

[pflagentmichigan]

Wash started a cooking blog? Good for him. I'm not reading it though, not if he starts out with stories about picking tuekeys from an orchard and how it reminds him of Thanksgiving on Mars fifteen years ago or some shit. Just add a "jump to recipe" button and spare us.

Also dunno if you sent the nurse but Estevez is wheezing on my floor now. Don't worry he's fine, just whiny. And the hypo is I a safe place because that is the BAD SLEEP.

[bluedaddy]

Your situation sounds quite interesting, Mitch😜🤔🤯 Do you mind if I visit? Poor Estevez seems to be having a bad day🫶 you should go easier on him.

Sleep deprivation is no joke🙅‍♂️ would you like me to help you go down? I've got a couple of tricks up my sleeve♥️♣️♦️♠️ perhaps not the best quality of sleep, but better than no sleep at all🌚

[pflagentmichigan]

Florida, we've known each other for...well, not terribly long but long enough that I respect you. So I say this with every ounce of respect and affection I have -- if you come within 10 feet of my door I will stab you and anyone with you. But respectfully. And don't think I can be bribed with chocolate - Estevez tried that and now I have chocolate and he has a headache.

[bluedaddy]

That actually sounds like fun! I haven't yet experienced a stab wound capable of killing me🥰🌺🌼 I'd love to see you try😂😂😂

Also, you know that chocolate isn't my favourite method of bribing 🍫 💸🍫 I know you're interested in different things 🤫

[pflagentmichigan]

I would never try to kill you. There aren't enough munitions in this tin bucket to do the job right, most likely.

[aidenpriceless]

You know how desperate I must be to come to you about this.... but I'm having extreme insomnia. Nothing is working. Exercise, meditation, warm milk, herbal tea, counting sheep, soft music, no devices, white noise, no caffeine (no coffee at all, how do people live like this). I'm at my wits end. Which comes to my question--

WHAT THE FUCK IS BUZZING IN MY ROOM, AND WHY DOES MY COMMUNICATOR ALWAYS SAY YOU JUST CALLED????? STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!

I am not sure what you are referring to, Agent Michigan. From what you are describing it seems to be a recurring event. If I had to speak to you urgently and see that you did not pick up your communicator I would look for you in person during training hours.

Would it reassure you to know that hallucinations can be caused by severe sleep deprivation?

[pflagentmichigan]

That's not reassuring at all, though it might explain why Westie looks like a walking cooked turkey. No, wait, isn't that supposed to be when you're very hungry? Maybe that's why she looked so startled when I asked asked about her stuffing. I haven't had a good stuffing in ages. Years maybe.

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, dolphins.

Did you know that there are two kinds of dolphins, the fish and the cats? They both have blowholes instead of gills, but unlike the cat, the "true" dolphins has fur.

I heat meowing. WHY ARE THERE SO MANT FUCJING DOLPHINS IN THE WALLS.

I just want to sleep please let me sleep

[aidenpriceless]

That is very interesting, Agent Michigan. You might want to contact Agent Washington if you are serious about discussing stuffing the thanksgiving turkey. There is still plenty of time to do so, thus I would not pressure you to sort out the matter urgently.

That aside, I am inclined to invite you to schedule a blood test so that we can arrange an appropriate prescription for you.

[pflagentmichigan]

Wash started a cooking blog? Good for him. I'm not reading it though, not if he starts out with stories about picking tuekeys from an orchard and how it reminds him of Thanksgiving on Mars fifteen years ago or some shit. Just add a "jump to recipe" button and spare us.

Also dunno if you sent the nurse but Estevez is wheezing on my floor now. Don't worry he's fine, just whiny. And the hypo is I a safe place because that is the BAD SLEEP.

[bluedaddy]

Your situation sounds quite interesting, Mitch😜🤔🤯 Do you mind if I visit? Poor Estevez seems to be having a bad day🫶 you should go easier on him.

Sleep deprivation is no joke🙅‍♂️ would you like me to help you go down? I've got a couple of tricks up my sleeve♥️♣️♦️♠️ perhaps not the best quality of sleep, but better than no sleep at all🌚

[pflagentmichigan]

Florida, we've known each other for...well, not terribly long but long enough that I respect you. So I say this with every ounce of respect and affection I have -- if you come within 10 feet of my door I will stab you and anyone with you. But respectfully. And don't think I can be bribed with chocolate - Estevez tried that and now I have chocolate and he has a headache.

[aidenpriceless]

You know how desperate I must be to come to you about this.... but I'm having extreme insomnia. Nothing is working. Exercise, meditation, warm milk, herbal tea, counting sheep, soft music, no devices, white noise, no caffeine (no coffee at all, how do people live like this). I'm at my wits end. Which comes to my question--

WHAT THE FUCK IS BUZZING IN MY ROOM, AND WHY DOES MY COMMUNICATOR ALWAYS SAY YOU JUST CALLED????? STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!

I am not sure what you are referring to, Agent Michigan. From what you are describing it seems to be a recurring event. If I had to speak to you urgently and see that you did not pick up your communicator I would look for you in person during training hours.

Would it reassure you to know that hallucinations can be caused by severe sleep deprivation?

[pflagentmichigan]

That's not reassuring at all, though it might explain why Westie looks like a walking cooked turkey. No, wait, isn't that supposed to be when you're very hungry? Maybe that's why she looked so startled when I asked asked about her stuffing. I haven't had a good stuffing in ages. Years maybe.

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, dolphins.

Did you know that there are two kinds of dolphins, the fish and the cats? They both have blowholes instead of gills, but unlike the cat, the "true" dolphins has fur.

I heat meowing. WHY ARE THERE SO MANT FUCJING DOLPHINS IN THE WALLS.

I just want to sleep please let me sleep

[pflagentmichigan]

Also you'll be pleased to hear that I smashed my communicator and the buzzing stopped. Soni smashed Mississippi's too just to b3 safe and now it's back again. There's some weird reverse the polarity engineering bullshit going on. Looking for other things to smash.

[aidenpriceless]

You know how desperate I must be to come to you about this.... but I'm having extreme insomnia. Nothing is working. Exercise, meditation, warm milk, herbal tea, counting sheep, soft music, no devices, white noise, no caffeine (no coffee at all, how do people live like this). I'm at my wits end. Which comes to my question--

WHAT THE FUCK IS BUZZING IN MY ROOM, AND WHY DOES MY COMMUNICATOR ALWAYS SAY YOU JUST CALLED????? STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!

I am not sure what you are referring to, Agent Michigan. From what you are describing it seems to be a recurring event. If I had to speak to you urgently and see that you did not pick up your communicator I would look for you in person during training hours.

Would it reassure you to know that hallucinations can be caused by severe sleep deprivation?

[pflagentmichigan]

That's not reassuring at all, though it might explain why Westie looks like a walking cooked turkey. No, wait, isn't that supposed to be when you're very hungry? Maybe that's why she looked so startled when I asked asked about her stuffing. I haven't had a good stuffing in ages. Years maybe.

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, dolphins.

Did you know that there are two kinds of dolphins, the fish and the cats? They both have blowholes instead of gills, but unlike the cat, the "true" dolphins has fur.

I heat meowing. WHY ARE THERE SO MANT FUCJING DOLPHINS IN THE WALLS.

I just want to sleep please let me sleep

[thesexiestagent]

I'm not sure how relevant it is to the conversation, but I may know a thing or two about Westie getting stuffed. I'm don't think you wanna hear about it though

[pflagentmichigan]

You're right, I don't want to hear about ANYTHING unless it is about MAGIC PILLOWS or MAGIC MATRESSES o r m agic I DONT GIVE A FUCK JUST LET ME SLEEP

Sorry I don't MEAN TO YELL BUT SSHIT FUCK

[aidenpriceless]

You know how desperate I must be to come to you about this.... but I'm having extreme insomnia. Nothing is working. Exercise, meditation, warm milk, herbal tea, counting sheep, soft music, no devices, white noise, no caffeine (no coffee at all, how do people live like this). I'm at my wits end. Which comes to my question--

WHAT THE FUCK IS BUZZING IN MY ROOM, AND WHY DOES MY COMMUNICATOR ALWAYS SAY YOU JUST CALLED????? STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!

I am not sure what you are referring to, Agent Michigan. From what you are describing it seems to be a recurring event. If I had to speak to you urgently and see that you did not pick up your communicator I would look for you in person during training hours.

Would it reassure you to know that hallucinations can be caused by severe sleep deprivation?

[pflagentmichigan]

That's not reassuring at all, though it might explain why Westie looks like a walking cooked turkey. No, wait, isn't that supposed to be when you're very hungry? Maybe that's why she looked so startled when I asked asked about her stuffing. I haven't had a good stuffing in ages. Years maybe.

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, dolphins.

Did you know that there are two kinds of dolphins, the fish and the cats? They both have blowholes instead of gills, but unlike the cat, the "true" dolphins has fur.

I heat meowing. WHY ARE THERE SO MANT FUCJING DOLPHINS IN THE WALLS.

I just want to sleep please let me sleep

[aidenpriceless]

That is very interesting, Agent Michigan. You might want to contact Agent Washington if you are serious about discussing stuffing the thanksgiving turkey. There is still plenty of time to do so, thus I would not pressure you to sort out the matter urgently.

That aside, I am inclined to invite you to schedule a blood test so that we can arrange an appropriate prescription for you.

[pflagentmichigan]

Wash started a cooking blog? Good for him. I'm not reading it though, not if he starts out with stories about picking tuekeys from an orchard and how it reminds him of Thanksgiving on Mars fifteen years ago or some shit. Just add a "jump to recipe" button and spare us.

Also dunno if you sent the nurse but Estevez is wheezing on my floor now. Don't worry he's fine, just whiny. And the hypo is I a safe place because that is the BAD SLEEP.