Agent Hawaii

The sexiest Mother Of Invention resident. Go ahead, you can ask around.

[muzzlesbian]

cutting a glory hole in the fourth wall

[sanguinewolves]

it’s called a “happy” trail for a reason… i see a man’s happy trail and i start jumping up and down in excitement saying “yay” “yippee” “this is the best day ever” “woohoo” and other things in that vein… u would too if u had any soul

[squeakadeeks]

bro doesnt even have the jennies (certain je ne sais quois)

[21chrysanthemums]

[memorycycle]

i still dont know what backshots is i assume its when your friend bends over so you can stabilize your rifle betwern there butcheeks

[segamascott]

[agentarizona]

Do y'all think I could get away with putting googly eyes on the back of the Counselor's head?

[thesexiestagent]

You definitely can, because I already managed to do so twice. Just don't say you've heard it from me.

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[skittlespizza]

i got that dog in me

[catchymemes]

[tgirl-thucydides]

my parents trying to figure out what to get me for christmas

[thief-anon]

[thief-anon]

[thief-anon]

i should mention that my roommate was on a video call with nasa while i was making this in the background

[thief-anon]

i see ass nasa is making the rounds again so might be a good time to add on that last semester, one of my precalc classmates pulled this post up on their phone to show me and i had to sit there and pretend that i wasnt the idiot who made it. cheers

[bernardperroud]

Utroba Cave in the Rhodope mountains, Bulgaria. Carved by hand more than 3000 years ago (?), it was rediscovered in 2001.

Archeologists hypothesize that an altar built at the end of the cave, which is about 22 m deep, represents either the cervix or the uterus.

At midday, light seeps into the temple through an opening in the ceiling, projecting an image of a phallus on to the floor.

When the sun is at the right angle, in late February or early March, the phallus grows longer and reaches the alter, symbolically fertilizing the womb before the sowing of the spring crops.

[patrickat]

These people were drawing dicks on the ground with the sun in 1000 BCE. All you fools messing with Sharpies need to step up your game.

[jabberwockypie]

“Hee! That looks kind of like-”

“Come on, self, don’t make it weird.  It’s just a cave.”

*reads article*

“Oh.”

[picsthatmakeyougohmm]

[panteneprovcommercial]

[toetagsandbowties]

[dutchster]

i don’t even need to know the context of this drawing

[xxlove4evaxx]

pussy game so strong it scared the devil

[ohbeckoh]

no but literally that is what is happening, there have been long periods of western history where spirits were said t be frightened by the site of lady business. Sailor’s wives used to flash their husbands ships (mind you this was a time before underwear so you just lifted your petticoats and BAM) in order to scare away the spirits and devils that made storms. A woman could flash her crops to keep away spirits that might ruin them.This was also back when the vagoo was seen as something taboo and horrible so literally looking directly at some labia was thought to be so scary the devil would poop himself. Misogyny so intense it gave the pussy superpowers. 

[tumblingdoe]

Anásyrma is the gesture of lifting the skirt or kilt and indeed has a whole history of supernatural effects both negative and positive. Here’s the wiki on it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anasyrma

[official-pussy-posts]

Official Pussy Post

[0x1-deactivated20220826]

dick makes people mentally ill. dick havers, dick wannabes and dick lovers are all insane. it's like toxoplasmosis, you have compulsive need to defend and push and worship dicks all the time and spead your dick mania to everywhere you go.

this seems rational and grounded in empirical evidence

[afloweroutofstone]

#lost in a fugue of penis delerium

[crapscicle]

[squeakitties]

did you try jerking it off and back on again

[thisiswhymomworries]

writing smut like

how many synonyms for “penis” do I actually know?

[3tno-moved-deactivated20190902]

and how many of those synonyms am I actually willing to use

[thisiswhymomworries]

tier 1 (most accepted, considered sexy): cock, dick

tier 2 (generally accepted): length, manhood, member, shaft

tier 3 (clinical, too formal, but not cheesy): groin, penis, phallus

tier 4 (cheesy, barely acceptable): [insert name] Jr., dong, junk, knob, prick, rod, tool, wand, wood

tier 5 (ridiculous, unacceptable, pls don’t): anything to do with beer cans, baby-maker, bishop, choad, donger, dragon, fuck wand, fun stick, hog, johnson, jimmy, lap rocket, little [insert name], love muscle/rod/stick, meat stick, one-eyed [anything], piston, private eye, schlong, trouser snake, wiener, winkie

tier 6 (you’re literally a fourth grader): baby arm, baloney pony, beaver basher, beef whistle, custard launcher, dude piston, flesh flute, heat-seeking moisture missile, krull the warrior king, luigi, mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, pig skin bus, piss weasle, purple-headed yogurt flinger, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schlong dongadoodle, single barreled pump action bollock, spawn hammer, steamin’ semen truck, tan banana, thundersword, wang doodle, whoopie stick, wing wang doodle, yogurt shotgun 

[the-haiku-bot]

tier 3 (clinical,

too formal, but not cheesy):

groin, penis, phallus

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[gayfour]

[catchymemes]

[autistic-gay-men-kissing]

@official-penis-posts