I Can’t Believe I’m Still Here

Meegs~29~she/her/hers

[hollow-head]

"who do you self insert as when you read?"

This is me when I read:

[jimmysownworld]

yuna getting really lovely, thoughtful, sometimes extravagant mothers day and birthday gifts from ilya never really understanding why hes going through all this effort even if she does appreciate it and thinks hes so so sweet for it all, even after the boys tell her and david about ilyas mother and the irina foundation it doesnt fully click for a while. it only comes together on some random day, ilya has a game later that night and he’s had lunch with yuna and david planned for a while and he shows up with the good vodka david likes and this small package of candies that ilya hands to her very shyly for the first time probably in his life, definitely since shes known him, and he explains with shaking hands that they were his mama’s favorite, and it was her birthday today.

yuna feels her heart break a little bit when he tells her that she would have been younger than her, maybe too young for how old her children are considering he had an older brother, but he thought about his mama when he was happy in the hollander home, and wanted to share his mamas favorite candy with the woman who was mama to his favorite person in the world. like they got to meet, in a way. and yuna realizes very suddenly that he does the birthdays and mothers days for both her and irina because she is the closest thing he has to a mother, and she looks at him and realizes with it that he is in some ways still 12, finding his mother, and she has never met a little boy so tall and tired when she pulls him into a hug and doesnt let go till david suggests they get inside for lunch.

[i-am-a-lazy-mess]

hate when I type :) and this 🙂 fucker appears. Go away you evil soul

[dgalerab]

current fan creation landscape is kinda like if you went to a party with a homemade cake and everyone takes a slice and silently thumbs up at you with no attempt to start a conversation except for occasionally some guy sits in the corner with a tape recorder critiquing the cake as though he was a restaurant critic and another guy is handing the cake to an uber driver like "yeah i need you to find a restaurant that makes cake like this so i can have more of it" and the only person that's talked to you in 30 minutes is a very sweet little guy who was like "hey i liked your cake" and then ran away apologizing for bothering you the moment you said thank you.

[dgalerab]

someone brought a cake analysis robot to feed the cake into to determine the exact ingredients and supposedly it can spit out the exact same cake. and if you're like dude. what. then they're like well if it bothers you you should have made more cake. i'm hungry and i deserve cake. and you're like dude we're at a party.

[sainamoonshine]

Three months later you find out that fifty people locked themselves in a room to discuss how much they loved your cake and how they wished you made more. None of them ever told you.

[dear-ao3]

so for the love of god. please tell people you liked their cake and don’t feel embarrassed about it. because then they will make more cake.

[celceta]

I love seasonal fruits they're like girl we're back lol

[softgnome]

Personally I do think that sometimes non-hockey fans can end up mischaracterizing Shane and Ilya because they don't know enough about hockey/hockey playstyles

The Ilya we see in Heated rivalry would not be throwing the first punch, he's not an enforcer. Ilya is a star center and a Pest. He wouldn't be doing his job correctly if he was punching players every other game, it would end up with not enough ice time to let him be the playmaker he's paid to be.

But being a pest can be playmaking! Find a player to bait, emotionally push them just enough that they try to fight you, and then get the fuck out of there before the ref gives you both penalties. This gets your team the power play. There is probably someone on Ilya's line dedicated to helping him get out of the fights he starts, and finishing them for him!

I also think this is also something that Shane would respect. Ilya is good at it and it's a good strategy for his team. I don't think Shane would see it as some dirty tactic, because Shane probably thinks everyone with a brain can see it for what it is! He probably thinks everyone should be able to see that being an asshole is a tactic for Ilya, that it's something to ignore and not fall for, that it's a strategy and not personal beef.

I think Shane's more disappointed when a Metro falls for it. Shane sees it as Ilya set up a Looney Toons ass obvious trap and one of his teammates ran into it. Why be mad at Bugs Bunny when you can be mad at your defenceman for falling for a fucking Bugs Bunny trap.

[tekunoraizu]

FUCKKKKKKK what if something bad happened and I forgot to worry about it

[treasuredplanet]

in hindsight sending the number one digit at a time created the funniest half second of either of our lives

[lexilexilexilexile]

Shane and Ilya’s daughter has to do a family tree project in class. They’ve done a great job at emphasizing to her that parents can be any two people that love each other and she understands that other kids might not know that. The rest of the project will be pretty straight forward - Shane doesn’t have any siblings and their daughter doesn’t know much about Ilya’s family at this age besides that papa has a mama that watches over them and that loves her very much. Shane is still nervous about it and having a Very Normal Shane Reaction wondering if she will feel left out for not having a mom and feeling sad that she will never know her papas family and wondering if she is lonely and if they should have another kid. When they get an email from the school asking them to come in at pickup to discuss her family tree Ilya is already angry and ready to pick a fight with whatever stupid kid is bullying their daughter for having two dads. They walk into the classroom and their daughter is standing with her arms crossed insisting that there is nothing wrong with her project and when the teacher slides it across the table they see something so bizarre that they don’t know where to start. She’s drawn on only one side of the tree - Ilya and Shane both stemming from Yuna and David. Next to them are about ten stick figures of different sizes all with hearts around them. While they’re trying to decipher what on earth she has drawn she starts presenting it with her little finger saying “see? Dad is grandma Yuna and grandpa David’s son and Papa is grandma Yuna and grandpa David’s son, too.” And then she moves her finger along with “and that’s uncle Hayden, uncle Troy and uncle Harris, uncle Evan, uncle Luca….” And as she’s naming every stick figure Shane is trying to figure out how he’s going to explain to her teacher that he is not married to one of his 10 brothers when he is actually an only child and Ilya has to turn away because he’s crying at the reminder that the family that adopted him adopted her as well and there has never been a child that has been so loved

[the-real-ted-cruz]

no other social media platform has lore quite like tumblr’s

[angstycatthatlikestea-deactivat]

the gods that haunt this place are unlike any others

[super-face]

I just saw a tiktok comment saying that tumblr right now is like a place recovered from being irradiated

[sneakyfeets]

[cryptognomicon]

Sign outside Tumblr: “This place is not a place of honor. No highly esteemed deed is commemorated here. Nothing valued is here. …”

[transastronautistic]

id: screenshot of tags reading “the wildlife carries on in the ruins like nothing ever happened”

[therobotmonster]

Sometimes you can hear voices from the trees...

[person-of-many-names]

I like your shoelaces

[avocadosfromfigaro]

Thanks, I pulled them out of a stump filled with fae water and now it wards off the President

[userfinalgirls]

[thebirdandhersong]

Absolutely horrid that a 10hr sleep does not cure you of all that ails you

[alex51324]

it doesn't even cure me of being tired

[zaprowsdower27]

It should work like in RPGs. I want to be able to go to bed exhausted, poisoned, and missing half of my blood and wake up at 100% fully recovered

[classyladymentality]

The lack of high school reunion fics is concerning. Shane's grad class would ABSOLUTELY invite him to their anniversaries and make sure he knows he's invited. He doesn't go to the 10 year one because What Would Be The Point. But you know that the second that invitation arrives in the mail for the 20 year anniversary (don't ask how they found Shane's address. The women on the organizing committee do NOT play around and they can find out anyone's blood type if it was relevant to the anniversary gathering), you KNOW that Ilya would find the invitation in their mail and ask Shane about it. You KNOW that the moment he understands what it's for, he demands they go.

Ilya would want to play the role of trophy husband and be shown off to Shane's former classmates. Ex-girlfriend Jessica will be there? Hollander, I have to see her face when I show up on your arm. (No, I am not jealous over high school relationship. But does she know you shook my hand TWICE while you were still with her?) Classmates who are jealous you went to the NHL while they could not shoot a goal if their life depended on it? You are hockey god, Hollander. You MUST brag about all your trophies and cups.

Not to mention all the headcanons that every closeted gay classmate had a crush on Shane. Ilya would sniff them out in less than a minute. Oh, you think you would have had a shot with Shane Hollander if you knew he was gay back then? That's adorable. I had him obsessed with me since before you graduated with him. You Never Had A Chance.

And of course Shane barely remembers any of these people, so he doesn't know how to make introductions. Since he doesn't know most of their names, he just says, "Hello. This is my husband, Ilya." And you KNOW that this is doing something to Ilya, to be openly out as Shane Hollander's husband to people who knew Shane at a moment in time when Ilya didn't know him as well. He would interrogate everyone about Shane and wouldn't bother to learn anything about them unless it was relevant to building a better picture of teenager Shane in his mind.

[aemelia]

Imagine Shane doing the peloton commercial and Ilya messages him as soon as he sees it and is like “make them take this down. now. right now” and Shane’s like “why???? what’s wrong with it” and Ilya is like “too sexy. you will make entire population of canada explode from lust. is that what you want?? scott hunter has already died they just announced. heart attack. rip ⚰️ he will not be missed but still. is sad”

[literallyaflame]

i don’t give a fuck if i “sound like chatgpt,” you will pry—my em dash—from my cold—dead—hands—fuck you fuck you fuck you

[mintedwitcher]

and we don't "sound like chatgpt" - chatgpt sounds like us because it STOLE FROM US

[argillaforma]

when they come out and everyone is confused why russia's greatest love machine ilya rozanov is fucking boring shane hollander and ilya is like no no he is perverted sex freak i am the boring one honestly i can't keep up marleau

[argillaforma]

marleau: yo, you good bro?

ilya, hair disheveled with the biggest stars in his eyes: i can’t feel my dick

[rabbiteclair]

a guy shoots at me with a sniper rifle and I catch the bullet in my teeth and eat it, but he saw that coming and put poison in the bullet, but I saw that coming and drank an antidote ahead of time, but all those weird chemicals still give me a really bad kidney stone a few days later and I pass out from pain and crash my car into, by pure coincidence, the sniper