Pairing: Willhelm x Simon
Summary: Picks up Two years after season1 of Young Royals. Simon decides itās best to break things off and move on despite that being the last thing either him or Willhelm want to do.
Two years. Simon tried to hold back tears as his thoughts kept racing to places he couldn't get them away from. For the last two years heād been Willhelmās dirty little secret. His hidden trophy. The toy he kept selfishly from the rest of the kids. At first it was much easier to push these thoughts to the side but now? After countless secret sleepovers and meet ups. Short lived glances in the hallways or across the lunch table. He was so tired of feeling guilty and ashamed of himself, as if he was doing something wrong. Like some part of who he was was dirty.Ā
He loved that boy with everything in him. From his heart to his soul and everything else in between. No one heād ever met had even come close to making him feel the way Wilhelm did, but at the same time no one had quite broken his spirit as much as he did either.Ā
āIf you loved me I wouldnāt feel like this Wille. If you loved me like you say you do then I wouldnāt have to lie about our relationship to the whole world. I want someone to love me unconditionally and wholeheartedly and not worry about the consequences. They love me and they would stop at nothing or no one to love me. And I know that you canāt do that.āĀ
āBut I do. I really really do Simon. Iāve never loved anyone the way I love you.ā
āItās okay, I know itās not your fault.āĀ
The look in Willhelmās eyes was slowly ripping Simonās heart to shreds. All he wanted was to stay strong and get through this conversation. Move on and finally close the door on this chapter of his life. He was tired of hurting but hurting Wilhelm was truly the last thing he wanted to do.Ā
āPlease Si, donāt do this. Give me just a little more time and Iāll make everything right. I promise.ā The tears continued to fall and Wilhelm didnāt care to wipe them away.Ā
āI love you. I always will but for my own sanity I just canāt do this anymore.ā
Simon gathered his belongings and started to make his way home, leaving Wilhelm behind. What had started out as a nice day alone, the two boys laying around on a blanket hidden away at a park nearby Simonās house turned into the one thing Simon never anticipated. Their breakup. The further away he walked, the more tears of his own cascaded along his cheeks. Although he wanted nothing more than to turn around and run back into Wilhelmās arms, he knew this was for the best, despite how shitty and broken he felt.Ā
In the distance he could hear Willhelm calling his name. Simon didnāt know what else could be said but he turned around anyway.Ā
āI will do whatever it takes to be with you.ā Simon didnāt know how to respond so he just gave the other boy a weak smile and carried on the way he came.Ā
Itād been months since he last talked to Willhelm. Some days were easier than others. Some days he was really busy with classes, studying extra hard especially with graduation closer than ever, and the rowing team. Now that August was gone, Simon had been voted team captain and he had more responsibility than ever. But it was days like this that got to him the worst. Days where he was all caught up on homework and all of his friends were too busy to hangout. Days where he had nothing to keep his thoughts occupied.Ā
It would start with small memories like their first kiss or when they first met. The way he caught Willhelmās attention and held onto which always resulted in an adorable, pink blush spreading across Willhelmās face and him sheepishly looking away. Then he would move on to thinking about their first sleepover at his house. They were so excited to spend so much alone time together, they accidentally stayed up all night talking. No matter how many good memories came to mind, everything always ended up going back to the sex scandal and how alone he felt when Willhelm denied all the rumors.Ā
A knock on Simonās door gratefully interrupted his thoughts. He reached for his phone, turning the music down he had originally turned on to ease his thoughts. āSimon, itās Sara. Open up!ā Sara shouted after knocking once more. A small grin took over his face. āIām coming, Iām coming. Donāt be so impatient.ā He rolled out of bed to let her in.Ā
āHello.ā She said. Sara gave Simon a little wave as she entered the room and plopped down on his bed. āHey Sara, what are you doing here? Not that I donāt enjoy your company.ā Simon said, taking claim of the other side of the bed. āI thought you were going to a party with Felice tonight.ā
āI am, but I wanted to see if youād come too.ā Despite the overwhelming urge to just stay in his room, Simon knew it was much better than being stuck thinking about things he couldnāt change. āUmm, yeah. Iād love to. What time does it start?ā He asked.Ā
āI think about an hour ago.ā She said with a quick shoulder shrug. Simon couldnāt help but laugh. āAnd you waited ātil after the party started to see if I wanted to go?āĀ
āYeah, I kinda forgot about the party so when Felice called I told her I was waiting on you to get ready. Sheās waiting on us downstairs so I need you to hurry up.ā Simon shook his head and continued to laugh.Ā
āOkay well get out so I can change and Iāll be down there soon.ā Sara left without another word. Simon looked through piles of clothes trying to decide what to wear. He hadnāt been out in so long he had no clue what to wear. After a brief moment of panic he decided he would wear something simple. A plain t-shirt and jeans. Itās not like I have anyone to impress. Simon pushed the thought aside and finished getting ready. His final touches were a couple of bracelets, a chain, and a spritz of cologne. The last thing he did before he left for the night was shove his phone in his pocket and cut off his bedroom lights and with that he was on his way to the party.
Simonās head was killing him. Heād gotten way too drunk way too fast and now he was paying for it. He couldnāt go too long without throwing up. Not to mention every time he tried to stand up his vision blurred and he ended right back on the floor. In all of the party hype heād also managed to lose Sara and Felice. Gratefully for him heād managed to find the bathroom which is exactly where he had spent most of his night. Hugged up to one of the nastiest toilets heād ever seen was the quietest place heād been since he arrived at this party, not that he was complaining.Ā
Simon patiently waited for everything to stop spinning and his stomach to settle before he tried to get up again. Once he was up and moving, he slowly made his way back to the party. To his shock the teenage chaos had settled down some. Usually these parties would go on the whole weekend. Whoever was in charge of the music had completely changed the vibe. Before he left they were blaring loud, bass heavy rap music and now it was smooth r&b. It was very soothing to him. Now Simon could actually hear himself think.
āThere y-you are, weāve been l-looking for you!ā Sara slurred, latching Simon into a drunken side hug. Felice tried to gently pull her off so they could talk. āReally, where have you been? We looked all over for you!ā Felice exclaimed. She was nowhere near as drunk as Simon or Sara. āI got really d-dizzy and s-sick. I donāt know how I got there, but I ended up in the b-bathroom.ā Simon replied, sending a lazy gesture towards the menās room heād just left.Ā
āWell Iām glad youāre okay, but I guess that means you havenāt heard.ā Feliceās entire demeanor changed once she finished her sentence. Simon looked at her puzzled. āWhat do you m-mean? Have I heard w-what?ā Felice silently took out her phone and handed it to him.Ā
Upon first glance Simon had no clue what he was looking at. His eyes just wouldnāt focus in, but after a moment of struggling he finally got it. It was someoneās instagram. Simon checked the username. It was Willhelmās account. The post itself was nothing but a black screen, however Simon came to realize that the caption was what was important.Ā
Hello. Willhelm here. Against my motherās wishes I have two announcements to make. My first announcement is my coming out. Iām gay. Yep, the crown prince is gay. Someone very important to me made it clear that a life of hiding who I really am to keep up a fake persona is not one worth living, so I wonāt be living it anymore. I hurt the most important person in my life trying to please everyone else and this is only the first step to make it up to them. Iām proud to be who I am and from here on out I will always be proud and open about it. Now that thatās out of the way my second announcement is to let everyone of Sweden know that I am stepping down from my position of Crown Prince. Iām well aware that after the passing of my brother, it was my duty to take his place, but it was never what I wanted. All I ever wanted was to be a normal kid and to live a normal life and thatās exactly what I intend to do. Thank you for reading, but for now this is all I have to say.Ā
Simon just kept reading the long message over and over again. He was racking his brain just trying to understand exactly what Willhelm had done. He finally publicly came out. He told the entire world that he was gay. The two had had too many conversations about this although Simon never thought Willhelm would ever actually be able to. He was the crown prince of Sweden after all. He had a certain prestigious, good boy image to keep up and his mother made it very clear what he was and wasnāt allowed to share with the public.
It was the second part of the message that Simon really had trouble wrapping his brain around. Willhelm was stepping down? Is that allowed? Is there anyone else to take his place? Thereās no way in hell his mother will actually allow this. Simon had so many thoughts racing through his head. He just couldnāt make sense of it all.Ā
āSimon, Simon?ā Felice was snapping her fingers in front of him, trying to get his attention. āAre you okay?ā
āI,ā Simon was at a complete loss for words. And thoughts. And feelings. He had no idea what this meant or if this even meant anything for him. ādonāt know.ā Surely Willhelm didnāt do this for him. Too much time had passed since heād even laid eyes on him. There was no way he did this for him.Ā
Simon closed his eyes. He needed just one moment to think. This was too much for him to handle right now. Heād spent these last few months trying to convince himself that Wilhelm was well on his way to moving on. He kept trying to beat it into his brain that their break up was for the best and that everything would be okay. That he was on his way to moving on too. However all it took was some stupid instagram post to ruin all his progress.Ā
Felice hooked one arm around Sara and the other around Simon.āHey Simon, letās get you back to the dorms.ā Simon opened his eyes and shook his head in agreement. The longer he stayed at this party, the harder it got to breathe. He knew he was being ridiculous, nevertheless it felt like everyone was staring at him. It felt like everyone had read the same thing he did, but they knew he was the reason behind it all.Ā
Maybe it was his lack of attention or maybe it was all the shortcuts Felice was taking, but Simon was back in his room in no time. Felice had gotten him everything he could need before she left. A cold bottle of water and a back up one for later, a trash can, and a couple of snacks. He was starving. After the party and Wilhelmās bombshell announcement, heād barely realized he hadnāt eaten anything all night. He had other things on his mind right now. He had millions of questions. All in all, he was still having a hard time comprehending exactly what had happened tonight.Ā
After all, what was the point of all this? As far as he knew Wilhelm was finally accepting all his royal responsibilities. The last few times they were together, Wilhelm actually seemed kinda excited. In fact heād been doing so well with representing the royal family and behaving himself (to the Queenās standards of course), the Queen herself was quite impressed. Simon didnāt know when things changed for Wilhelm, or why he might be the turning point for him.Ā
Simon sighed and reached into his pocket for his phone. It was six am. He was exhausted. Tonight had been way too much for him to handle. Earlier that night was the drunkest heād been since his first year of Hillerska. Simon put his phone on the charger and not long after he set it down he fell asleep.
āHello darling, howās your food?ā Simonās mother asked him as she took her place across the dining room table.Ā
āAmazing, as always. Your cooking never disappoints!ā Heād said with a full face grin. After the whirlwind of emotions and events that had occurred this past weekend, Simon decided it'd be best if he just came home and spent some quality time with his mom. He loved coming home. It always felt as though his mother had a specialĀ way of making all his worries disappear.Ā
He appreciated his father springing out the money to secure him and Sara dorms at Hillerska, but sometimes he preferred staying with his mother. He had everything he needed here. He didnāt want to argue with his father, so he just let him do this and thanked him for his kindness. Getting them in the dorms was the first big thing heād done for them in a very long time. He just let his father have that little victory and just came home whenever he needed.
āThank you love, how is school coming along?ā
āGood. A little tough right now, overall good. Classes feel like they're never ending with homework and projects, but itās nothing I canāt handle.ā Simon replied.
āWell it seems to be that you have a good outlook on things. How is the rowing team coming along? Do you guys know when your next event is?ā
āWe donāt know an exact date yet, however we think there should be another next month. If we win that one weāll qualify for regionals. Thatās the one weāll travel for. Regionals ā
āThatās great Simon. Make sure to let me know when everything is, so I can request off from work. Iāve been picking up extra shifts, and we can turn regionals into a whole little family vacation. If youāre up for it.āĀ
I smiled at my mom. The thought of a getaway was amazing. We hadnāt gone anywhere just to enjoy things and relax as a family since I was younger. āI love that.ā
My mother and I carried on a conversation for a while. We continued talking about our future vacation plans and all the things we could do. It was just so nice to be here with her. Being home always brought me to peace. Eventually we ended up finishing dinner. I helped my mother clear the table and put away the leftovers. I washed the dirty dishes as Mom dried them and put them away. We took place in the living room. As we continued to chat, I reached for the tv remote.Ā
āWhat would you like to watch?ā I said. Once the tv came to life, I noticed it was on a news channel.
āAnythingās fine with me dear.ā Mom replied.Ā
I was about to change the channel when something caught my attention. Footage of a car wreck flashed across the screen. It was a terrible pile up with many vehicles involved.Ā
āSimon, you should change that.ā Mom began.
āI know mom. It must be important if it made the news though.ā I said.
āTrue enough, but donāt leave it on for too long. You know I donāt really care to watch stuff like that.ā
āI won't, I just want to see what itās about.ā
āMore in about tonightās terrible crash. Weāve gotten updates about what caused the crash. It turns out the semi-truck involved lost control of his brakes. He couldnāt slow down in time to avoid the cars in front of him. This led to a pile up as several cars behind the truck did not see this coming in time and hit the truck as wellā
āSimon sweetie, I really think you should go ahead and switch to something else. This is horrible.ā
āI know Mom, I just want to know.ā
āThe truck was transporting nothing but gasoline, so upon impact of the two government cars in front of him, there was an immediate explosion. Four people were airlifted to the nearest hospital however everyone in the government vehicles died on the scene. This includes not only several Royal bodyguards but the entire remaining members of the Royal Family. Itās incredibly sad to think about. Itās been two years since the death of Prince Eric, as well as not even a week since Crown Prince Wilhelm took to social media announcing his self-disowning of the Crown, but now we are left with no one from the immediate family. Itās one of the worst days Sweden has seen-ā
Simon shut the TV off. The silence that followed was heavy. His mother didnāt dare speak a word. Not that it would help Simon in any way right now.Ā
He shouldāve listened. Why doesnāt he ever listen?
The lump in his throat was too thick to swallow. Simon kept trying to. He couldnāt help himself. His mind was on several planets away right now. Heād heard and seen alot of things this week. He had gotten way too drunk to handle. He practically made out with the grossest toilet heād ever seen. He read Wilhelmās coming out and resignation of sorts all in one post. Now here he was with the news that not only had Wilhelm been in a car wreck, but he was dead.Ā
He had so much life to live. He had too many things to finish. Too much world to see. Too many laughs to laugh, smiles to smile, cries to cry. As much as Simon hated the thought, too many other people to fall in love with. He will never fall in love and get to love shamelessly and fully. He will never start a family. He will never get to be prince, no matter how much he hated that.Ā
Simonās mind was running rampant, but he started to reel in.Ā
Wilhelm wonāt see college.Ā
He wonāt graduate high school.Ā
He wonāt be there for regionals, barely two months away.Ā
Wilhelm was gone. Wilhelm is gone.Ā
Simon didnāt realize it, but tears were streaming down his face. His breathing had become short and staggered. So short that he could barely catch it. It felt like he was starting to hyperventilate. Suddenly he couldnāt keep enough oxygen in his lungs and his chest began to sting.Ā
Despite the desperate calls of his mother being the only sound to fill the room, all he could hear was ringing. A high pitched ringing that wouldnāt stop. He tried to speak, but once again all he could hear was the ringing. Nothing else. Simon kept trying. Over and over again. He tried to shout out for his mother. For Sara. For Wilhelm. He could feel the sting in his throat from the yelling. He just wanted to hear himself, his mother, anything but this god damn ringing. Wilhelm. Wilhelm. He wanted to hear Wilhelm. Speak to him one more time. Look into his eyes as he held him. He wanted to be with him. He was stupid for ever breaking things off in the first place. So fucking stupid. All he did was rob himself of the last few years of his life, of his own happiness.Ā
āSimon, baby can you hear me?ā His mother was desperate for a response. She had never seen Simon break down like this. It was to no avail. Simon was worlds away in his own grief. She quickly rushed to his side and wrapped her arms around him. Simon buried his face in his mothers shoulder and continued to sob.Ā
The early morning sun shone through the cracks in the curtains. Simon flipped over to get away from the light that hit directly on his face. He grabbed the closest thing to him and brought it to his chest. It was soft and squishy. Simon opened his eyes to get a good look at it. It was his childhood stuffed animal. Simon had slept with this toy for years. It was one of the last things his father bought him before him and his mother split.
Simon got a good look at it. It was a small tiger. The black stripes had faded beyond belief. There was a small tear at the tail where Simon used to swing the toy around.Ā
The first thing that registered when Simon woke up was the smell of pancakes. He realized he was still at his motherās house. A yawn overtook Simonās face and he just let in. Simon sat up, swinging his feet out of the bed. His eyes fell onto the fish tank across the room. Watching the bright colored fish dart past each other. He smiled. He was reminded of memories of him and Wilheim watching them and making up stories of what they were doing in there.Ā
Wilheim. As fast as the good memories came, they left. Thoughts of the crash resurfaced. The images were so clear in his mind it felt like heād been there. Simon choked up a sob. He covered his mouth. He couldnāt even control it. It happened too fast for him to realize. Wilheim died last night. His Wilheim. Wilheim. Gone. Just gone. Youāll never see him again. Youāll never hear him again. Heāll never speak to you, call you, text you. Look at you. Nothing.Ā
Tears clouded his vision and the sobs took over his body. The more these thoughts flooded his mind the less he could comprehend past the pain ripping through his body. Simonās legs collapsed beneath him and he fell to the ground. He didnāt want to alarm his mother, however he was a wreck right now. Simon cried and cried. He didnāt know what else to do. All he felt was grief and sadness. The love of his life had vanished so quickly. So unpredictably. He wished he could go back and rewrite their story. He would love him more. He would care for him more. Listen more. Try to understand him and see their situationship from his point of view.Ā
The more he cried the more selfish he felt. In a way he felt responsible for what happened. If only he wouldāve listened to him. Maybe they wouldāve been together last night enjoying the safety of each other in one of their dorms. The thought did damage. Terrible damage. He was crying so hard he couldnāt catch his breath. It felt like there wasnāt enough air in this room. He had to get out. He needed air. He needed space. It felt like the walls were closing in on him. Simon gathered all the strength he had to get off the floor. His legs were still shaky but at least he was up. He flung the door open and started running to the best of his ability. His mother was in the kitchen finishing breakfast. She attempted to call out for Simon but he rushed past her and out the front door.Ā
He didnāt know where to go but he felt like he couldnāt stop his legs now that they started to work. He ran down the street and the next one and the next one and the next. Houses and buildings were nothing but blurs as he kept pushing himself further and further away. He ignored the ache in his legs. He didnāt care about it right now. The wind on his face kept him going. He didnāt feel so trapped anymore and thatās all he cared about. He could breathe again. He could feel something other than the heartache that had been plaguing him since last night again.Ā
Simon started to slow down. The burning of his calves catching up to him. Eventually he came to a halt. He was breathing heavily and sweat poured off of him. He couldnāt recall a time when heād run so fast for so long. Simon looked around him, taking in his surroundings. He was at a park across town at least 30 or 40 minutes away from his motherās house. He began walking again, hoping to find a bench or table or anywhere to just rest after his trek. Just ahead of him he saw a picnic table. He found his place at the table. Simon put his head down on the table, taking deep breaths to soothe the sting of his lungs and the sharp prickling in his legs.
He didnāt know how long heād been running. Heād lost all sense of time. He felt around his pockets for his phone, but came up empty handed. Guilt hit him like a ton of bricks. His mother was probably worried sick. He was never like this. Leaving so abruptly and in general just breaking down so badly. He needed to get home.Ā
Simon decided to try to make it back on foot. He wasnāt extremely familiar with the area, but he had been around a few times in his life. Before he attended Hillerska he had school friends that lived here. He had a vague memory of a few back roads that would send him in the right direction. After what Simon thought was at least fifteen minutes he found himself more familiar with the part of town he was in. If memory serves him correctly heās not too far from his childhood best friendās house. A few twists and turns later and he was approaching the house heād spent some of his best days in.Ā
Simon knocked on the front door. He wasnāt completely sure if Elias or his family still lived here, but he figured it was worth a shot. A quick moment later he heard shuffling from inside the home. He took a step back from the door. He was met with the sight of his dear friendās mother. Shock and surprise shone on her face, but happiness quickly replaced both of them.Ā
āSimmie, I have not seen you in ages! Come in, come in! Are you well? How are you? What are you doing these days?ā She bombarded him with many questions. He didnāt know who to expect at the door, but the sight of her relieved his brief anxieties. āIām okay Ma. Graduation is around the corner. Iām not into too much lately. Just school and Iām on the rowing team there.ā
She hugged him as soon as the door was closed. āThatās wonderful Simmie! Are you studying hard? Oh my goddess how are your Mom and Sara? What are they up to? Gosh, Itās been too long really.ā Simon laughed at her excitement. She was always a ray of sunshine. It was hard to feel down around her. āTheyāre fine. Good actually. Mom works at the hospital in town. Sara is good. Sheās found good friends and enjoys school. She spends all her free time horse riding. Her favorite place to be is in the stables with her horses.ā
Eliasā mother looked up at him, grinning from ear to ear. āThat is so good to hear. It makes me happy. What brings you to this side of town Simmie? Your house is half an hour away right?ā She questioned.Ā
SImonās gaze dropped to the floor. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck. He shouldāve anticipated this question. He tried to come up with something convincing. āI was going for a run. Iāve been working on endurance and just stopped paying attention I guess.ā He chuckled awkwardly. She seemed to buy his story, so he kept going. āI left my phone at home, but didnāt go back for it ācause I didnāt think Iād be gone too long. I was hoping I could use your phone to call my mom to come get me.ā
āOf course sweetheart. Let me grab it for you.ā Without hesitation the older woman was searching the room for her cellphone. āAh and here it is.ā
Simon grabbed the phone graciously. He quickly dialed his motherās number. The phone barely reached the first ring before she answered. āYes, hello?ā
āHey mom. Itās Simon.ā
āOh Simon! I almost had a heart attack when you raced out. You scared me so bad. I tried to run after you but you were just so quick. Are you alright? Where are you now?ā She exclaimed. Her words came out quickly and they rushed together. āI called Ayub after you left and heās out looking for you now.ā
āIām okay mom. Just ran to clear my head. I left my phone in my room or I wouldāve called you sooner. Sorry to worry you. Can you come get me? Iām at Eliasā family home. Iām calling you from his motherās phone.ā
Simon could hear her sigh of relief over the phone. āThank the heavens you are okay. I was so so worried something was going to happen to you love. I will be there shortly. Iām going to call your friend and let him know you're safe.ā
āOkay Mom. I love you. I will see you soon.ā Simon hung up the phone and handed it back to Eliasā mother. She sat at the dining table across the room and motioned for him to join her. She struck up a conversation with him. She began informing him of everything heās missed over the years. She filled him in on Elias and his current whereabouts. Simon learned his old friend ended up studying abroad in another country. He was content in this moment. The two just went back and forth detailing their lives out until Simonās mother got there.Ā
The journey home was much faster than the run over and for that Simon was grateful. His mother did not question him on his previous behavior, another thing Simon was grateful for. Once they arrived home he rushed inside. He wanted to take a shower and get changed.Ā
Simon turned the knob noticing it was unlocked. āMom, I think you forgot to lock the door.āĀ
āI thought I had, but I was also in a hurry to get to you.ā She said.Ā
āIām sorry Mom, I really didnāt mean to worry you. Iām not even sure what came ov-,ā Simon stopped mid sentence as he turned into the house.Ā
He blinked and he blinked and he blinked, but it didnāt change the fact that Wilhelm was standing in his kitchen. His arms were wrapped tightly around himself. Any words Simon knew left his brain. He couldnāt fathom the scene playing in front of him. Surely this was not his Willhelm. Surely he was confused. This couldnāt be the same Willhelm that heād loved and laughed with. The one heād cried with, cried over, cried because of. This couldnāt be the one heād just started mourning last night. The very same Willhelm that heād barely braced himself to never see again.Ā
āSimon,ā He started to speak but he didnāt say anymore. His voice was hoarse as if heād been crying or screaming for hours. Willhelm ran to him. He threw his arms around him urgently. Simon let himself fall right into Willhelmās arms. Simon was still in complete shock. He couldn't understand what was happening to him. This isnāt real. This isnāt real. This isnāt real. On repeat in his mind. It was the only thought in his head. He didnāt know how or why this was happening, but all he knew was he must be hallucinating his soulmate holding onto him for dear life.Ā
āSimon my mom,ā Simon felt a wetness on his shoulder. āMy dad,ā As Willhelm tried to speak, his body shook on and off. āTheyāre dead Si.ā He choked out. Simon still couldnāt find his words. He could feel the rapid drumming of his heart against his chest. His limbs grew weaker the longer the two stood together, wrapped around each other.Ā
āI was supposed to be with them. I blew up on Mom and screamed at her and stormed off. I was supposed to be in that car with them Si.ā Willhelm barely made out the words between his sobs. He had never seen the bubbly boy so inconsolable in their relationship. His problems had always been bigger than Simon could imagine. Royal duties and an image to upkeep, but this was different. This was a much deeper than anything the two had taken on together. First his brother, his first best friend, the only one that understood him and cared about what he had to say. Now both of his parents in a single instant were gone.Ā
A trail of tears fell from Simonās eyes despite his knowledge. He could feel the earth crumbling under Willhelm much like heād experienced last night and just a few hours ago himself. He had no idea what losing your parents felt like, but he had experienced an unbearable sense of grief.Ā
āIām so sorry WIlle. I'm so sorry.ā It was all he could muster out, but it didnāt matter. Simon knew that. Willhelm continued sobbing and shaking. He didnāt have the energy for anything else. In the emotional chaos the two slowly ended up on the couch. Simonās mother watched wordlessly. She had never been a part of a situation like this. She knew the boys were in two very different states of shock and anguish, but without any true way to help she just sat at the kitchen table waiting in case either of them needed anything.Ā
Simon woke up in a mountain of pillows and blankets. He was hot and sweaty and overall overwhelmed. His body was flushed with sweat and his clothes clung to his sweatier skin. He attempted to roll over and found himself stuck in place. When he looked over his shoulder he saw Willhelm curled up to his back. His face was buried into the top of his back. One arm underneath Simonās neck and another wrapped around his waist. Theyāre legs were intertwined between the blanket mound. All of yesterdayās memories flooded back instantly. His breakdown, his run across town, coming home to see Willhelm, the two crying with each other until they passed out.Ā
Simon eased out of Willhelmās grasp. He pulled away some of the blankets and began folding them. He turned behind him. In the kitchen his mother was still sat the kitchen table. She had fallen asleep there. Sheād covered herself with a thick blanket. She had also taken one of the small couch cushions as a pillow. A pang of guilt struck him. She had to be so lost and clueless to the mess he was in.
Simon crossed through the small space to get to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder and shook gently. āMama,ā He continued shaking until he felt her stir. āMama, go lay down. Weāre fine. Get some decent rest.ā His mother stretched his arms high above her.Ā
āAre you sure my love?ā She asked in a sleepy whisper. āYes. Thank you for being by our sides, but you need to rest.ā She stood up and collect her pillow. Before she left for her room she grabbed Simonās face and kissed his forehead. She held his face in her hands, cupping them at his cheeks. āI love you so much Simon. I will do anything for you. Never forget it.ā Simon nodded. Without another word, she went to her room.Ā
Simon turned back towards Willhelm. He still slept peacefully behind him. He joined the boy back on the couch, only sitting on the edge. He caressed his face carefully. He let his fingertips drift along the surface of the paler boyās face. Heād missed him. Heād missed him so so much. More than heād ever even realized he did. Heād missed his smile. The way his hair fell so softly against his face. Heād missed the way his hands felt within his own and how his skin always felt so soft underneath his fingertips. The smell of him. The smell he couldnāt find anywhere else no matter how hard he searched. He had missed this boy so much.Ā
The weight on his heart was lifted. Simon was beyond lucky that the tragedy that had struck hadnāt taken his love away. He couldnāt stop thinking about how less than a day ago he didnāt know if he would ever be okay again. He had no idea how he was going to live on without Willhelm. In this moment at least he didnāt have to think that way. Willhelm was here with him. He was right in front of him. On his couch. In his home.Ā
Simon felt Willhelmās body. He was just as sweaty as Simon was earlier. He didnāt want to disturb the boy, but he didnāt want him to be so uncomfortable either. āWille,ā He ran a hand through his hair, and kissed his forehead. āWake up Wille.ā He didnāt budge. Simon kept trying to wake him. āWake up Willie. Wake up love bug.ā Simon started tugging at his arms. After a little while Willhelm began to rise. His swollen eyes fluttered open. He blinked multiple times as his eyes adjusted to the morning sun.Ā
āWhat time is it?ā Willhelm managed out in between a long yawn. Simon looked around for his phone. It was on the side table on the other side of the couch. He didnāt remember putting it there. His mother must have done it. He retrieved it off the charger and unlocked it. He had many missed calls and messages from his friends. Everyone had sent some variation of āare you okay, weāre worried about you.ā He decided he would reply to those later.Ā
āEight am.ā Simon finally answered. Willhelm brought his knees up on the couch and wrapped his arms around his legs, nestling them to his chest. Simon could see reality cascading back to him.Ā
The two sat in silence for a moment. Neither of them knew what to say or even what came next. Willhelm had no idea what his future would hold now or what he would do with it. Simon wanted to ask, but he knew that asking would probably send Willhelm into a bad spiral right now.Ā
āIām sorry Si.ā Willhelm mustered.Ā
āWhat are you sorry for?ā Simon inquired.
āBombarding you last night, but I needed you.ā
āIām not mad at you for anything, and you donāt need to feel sorry. Iāve needed you too.ā
āI didnāt know if you were gonna be home and when no one was here after I let myself in I was gonna leave. Iād been here for about 15 minutes and decided to go before someone called the cops on me and then you came in.ā
āThis doesnāt feel real honestly. I never thought Iād see you again.ā Simonās voice dropped to a whisper. Heād finally vocalized the thoughts that had taken over his brain.Ā
āMy whole plan was to get to you.ā Willhelmās eyes dropped to the floor. Him and Simon couldnāt get their eyes off each other as the conversation began, but now Willhelm was losing confidence.Ā
āI only wanted you Si. I didnāt care about being King anymore if that meant I couldnāt have you.ā
Simon felt tears building in his eyes. He was tired of crying. He couldnāt help them though. Willhelm had just confirmed one of his nagging suspicions. Deep in his heart he knew that Willhelm had given up the crown for him. He felt so selfish for thinking it the first time it came to mind, but he just knew that Willhelm would do something like this. He had hoped for his sake he was wrong. He hoped he wouldnāt give up the only life he knew just for him.Ā
āBut why Wille? You know I would never have asked that of you.ā
āYou didnāt have to.Ā I told you Iād do whatever it took to be with you and I meant it. You are the single most important person to me. It ate away at me everyday that you felt so shameful of our relationship and that I wasnāt doing all I could to prove my love for you, so I made the biggest move I could possibly make to show you I was serious.ā Willhelm reached for Simonās hands. He took both of them in his own and held onto them tightly. As if he was falling and he was desperate for him to hold on to him. āYou deserved more. You deserve more, and I hope you can let me begin to make it up to you. If you donāt I can understand that. I can understand if youāve moved on or just want to be without me. I would totally understand if you felt that way. Tell me no and I will leave you alone.ā
Simon thought back to the day he broke everything off with Willhelm.Ā
āIf you loved me I wouldnāt feel like this Wille. If you loved me like you say you do then I wouldnāt have to lie about our relationship to the whole world.ā
He was so broken. He felt like his life was crumbling away with every word he spoke. Everything he had known, the life and the boy heād grown so comfortable with was falling apart at his own hands.Ā
āI want someone to love me unconditionally and wholeheartedly and not worry about the consequences. They love me and they would stop at nothing or no one to love me. And I know that you canāt do that.āĀ
Simon remembered the pure anguish in Willhelmās eyes. The brokenness of his spirit. He felt like he was looking into a mirror because everything he saw in Willhelm, he felt in himself a hundred times over. That was the last time they spoke before yesterday and here they were all these months later. The feelings heād felt for him hadnāt left. Simon had spent everyday wishing and begging to himself for Willhelm to come back to him. He felt stupid every time he did it, but he did it anyway. All he wanted was a do over. A fresh slate to love each other how they both wanted and needed.
āWille, all Iāve ever wanted is you. I want to spend every minute of every day with you.ā
āSo is that a yes, youāll let me make it up to you?ā A pink blush took over Willhelmās face as he popped the question.Ā
Simon had let a couple of tears fall as he was thinking, but Willhelmās obliviousness made him laugh.Ā
āOf course thatās a yes.ā Willhelm smiled. A true, goofy smile spanning from ear to ear. āThank god.ā He mumbled, lounging straight into Simonās arms. Heād thrown his arms around Simonās neck, enveloping him into a hug. Simon instinctively did the same.Ā
āI love you Wille.ā Simon said into the crook of his neck.
āI have always loved you and I always will. I would crawl to the end of the earth for you.ā
janainaart
jbbartram-illu
dededos
origamiaround
romaincrisis
ellievsbear
snowghoul
