Welcome to the Shadows

My personal blog for all the random shit that catches my fancy.

[sweetpeauserboxes]

[kateammann]

Happy Pride Month to all of my fellow aces!! 🖤🩶🤍💜

[leahdrawz]

a little animation I did with scene jinx !!

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

sorry to be a broken record every month but christ menstruation is a stupid concept. oooooh excuse me for not getting pregnant, why the fuck is there goo falling out of me about it? grow the fuck up and reabsorb that shit for nutrients.

[victusinveritas]

[only-knives]

sleep disorders/conditions affecting sleep are no fucking joke man. they're more than just "takes an hour to fall asleep." like yeah that sucks but.

sleep issues can make people sleep all day and be awake all night no matter what they do. they can make people sleep for over half the day every day. they can make people stay up for over 24 hours frequently - and it just goes up from there. being up for days at a time just unable to sleep.

they can make people have a completely unpredictable sleep schedule too. not everyone is capable of going to bed and waking up at generally the same time, or maintaining it.

all this could be more temporary, or it could just be indefinite. like. having to live your life not knowing if you will or will not be conscious at any given time. you can't plan for fucking anything. you can miss almost every plan or event or obligation.

and everyone just hates you for it pretty much, thinking you're irresponsible and lazy.

be nicer to people with sleep problems. they make you physically and mentally feel like shit. they're not a choice.

[iwilltryalittlearter]

Happy Pride Month folks :3

[gremlininho]

[iwilltryalittlearter]

What did my 👖 ever do to you

[scribefindegil]

I was in a long-term relationship that fell apart partially because I was ace and my partner was very much not, and every time we looked for relationship help we got told that I was the problem. Not just that a significant mismatch in sexual desire could be a problem in a relationship, but that it was My Fault, Specifically, for not being willing to suck it up and have a bunch of sex I didn't want. To my ex's credit, he cared about consent much more than any of the professionals we talked to and refused to pressure me even when my (lesbian, billed as progressive and pro-LGBT) therapist was actively telling him to.

But it meant that we had absolutely no help or support when we were trying to work on the relationship in ways that *did* value my autonomy. There's basically no advice for people who want to try to make a relationship where there's a big desire gap work that isn't "well you should just have sex anyway" or "just break up lol". And that sucks!

Sometimes breaking up is necessary, and that's what ended up happening with us because there were other reasons we worked better as friends, but there *should* be better frameworks for discussing what people want and need that don't automatically assume that one partner's feelings are automatically more important or valuable than the other's.

[geese-in-flight]

I was dating someone who wanted to be accommodating and work with me to figure things out but lacked the EQ to do so in any effective way. It was my first relationship and I was still figuring out what being ace meant for me. It’s been eight or nine years, but I still remember very clearly the moment I realized we’d been approaching the entire discussion as if my orientation was the problem to be solved, and that it would be equally as valid to say that hers was.

She was significantly less impressed with this revelation than I was, but I tried to hold on to it ever since (although obviously the real problem wasn’t either one of us, but the mismatch and the lack of tools to deal with it). I think it’s super important to remember that we aren’t the ones in the wrong while our theoretical partners are the ones in the right. I was surprised by how much I’d internalized the assumption and I don’t think I’m the only one.

[ineffectualdemon]

The other frustrating aspect of this is allo relationships will often have periods of time where libido does not match (I'm not derailing and this will swing back to asexual people)

Just after giving birth, during a family crisis, during a mental health episode, during health problems, during stressful periods at work

There are a lot of times when one person is horned up and raring to go and the other has no interest

And the solution often presented is that the person who is going through something should just put out because they are the problem instead of like...finding ways to engage in non sexual intimacy to reaffirm closeness

An asexual person is going to get 10x the amount of pressure and blame put on them and no advice on how non-sexual intimacy can help their relationships and if they get that at all it will only be to sell it as a bridge to sex they don't want.

I really hate the selling of intimacy as only equaling or facilitating sex. Intimacy comes in many forms and should be explored more by every couple as a non sexual act. And it the given importance it deserves. In fact I would argue if we as a society put more value on non sexual intimacy more relationships would be happier and healthier

And asexual people would stop getting shit for being themselves.

[scribefindegil]

Yeah, exactly! There are many different forms of intimacy, physical and emotional, and we need to stop viewing non-sexual forms of intimacy as inherently lesser.

And also you're right that while this post is specifically about the asexual experience, these problems affect everyone; desire gaps, whether temporary/circumstantial or ongoing, affect many if not most long-term relationships. And the solution needs to reaffirm bodily autonomy and compassion for everyone, not just carve out a specific exception for ace people. Too frequently I see people and institutions that, even when they're attempting to be affirming, essentially say "Well this is what a committed relationship Needs To Look Like . . . unless you already id as ace I guess" instead of allowing their general idea of what relationships can look like to expand and become less prescriptive.

No one should be pressured into sex they don't want. This should be a basic and non-negotiable tenet of feminism. But it goes out the window as soon as it's in the context of a committed relationship that isn't otherwise abusive.

[the-enchanted-little-star]

[phantasmal-wizard]

Just learned Disney is making another Artemis Fowl adaptation, ostensibly to fix the heinous crime that was their first one. This adaptation is going to be an animated TV show.

On one hand, I'm happy to hear Disney is acknowledging what a fucking train wreck the movie was. On the other hand, I have zero faith in them to get it right this time because of how bad the movie was. I only want an Artemis Fowl adaptation if it's done right. If Artemis isn't the bad guy don't fucking bother!

In semi-related news, apparently Eoin Colfer has hinted at possibly writing a super-violent book featuring an adult Artemis who's gone back to the dark side after returning from space. I can't help but wonder how much of that is push back after the sanitized bullshit-fest that was the Disney adaptation of his biggest book series. Like, oh, you want Artemis to be an innocent kind, good boy because you think that's all audiences can handle? Here's a book where he's gone hyper-violent criminal kingpin, now watch me sell another 25 million books assholes.

I mean, I don't know if Eoin Colfer is a spiteful man but if he is and that's the inspo for this future book, my hat's off to you sir.

[aromantic-journal]

"everyone should get more aromantic" can appeal to tumblr's sensibilities but I genuinely think everyone should also get more asexual. I don't mean everyone stop having sex, what I mean is

Sex is not essential. You can live without it. Full stop.

Not having sex isn't shameful or a sign of failure. It also doesn't make anyone boring.

You are not entitled to having sex with anybody and nobody is entitled to having sex with you.

Sex is not what makes someone an adult.

Nobody's worth is defined by how much sex they have or don't have.

Sex is not equally important to everyone.

You can have fulfilling and happy relationships without sex.

You should only have sex on your own terms, not because you feel like you owe it to someone, or because you feel like you'd be incomplete without it.

Know your boundaries around sex and be firm about them. Know how to respect other people's boundaries.

The previous point also applies when it comes to discussing sex. If someone doesn't wanna talk about it or hear about it you have to back down.

Anything can be sexual but not everything has to be sexual.

[chaifootsteps]

Firmly convinced the world would be a better place if we started treating sex the way we'd treat any other mundane preference in life, like what kind of chips a person likes to eat with their lunch.

[thememedaddy]

[cutecipher]

reblog if its okay for people to send you $5,000 dollars with no strings attached

[hungwy]

Another reason why trains would be good is that most people are not good at driving

[aislyn-aria]

The "Jellyfish" dice set from Dicebound