Phil: Would you rather eat a pound of bricks or a matter baby??
Dan: What’s a matter baby
Phil: Nothing sweetie, what’s a matter with you?
Dan: I literally did not see that coming

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@phillesterslefteyeyebrow
Phil: Would you rather eat a pound of bricks or a matter baby??
Dan: What’s a matter baby
Phil: Nothing sweetie, what’s a matter with you?
Dan: I literally did not see that coming
Dan: I have never done anything gay in my entire life
Phil: I’m gay
Dan:
Dan: I have done one gay thing in my life
Dan: Do you ever get the urge to get up in the middle of the night while everyone else is fast asleep and just walk places and to be completely alone and entirely dedicated to your thoughts
Phil: Yes, but the problem is I don’t want to get murdered you feel me?
Chris: I feel you
PJ: We all feel you
Phil: Why are so many people touching me
Louise: This is why you don’t walk around in the middle of the night
Dan: Is masturbating while smoking weed called masturblazing?
Phil: No, it’s called highjacking
Chris: Guys, it’s called weedwhacking
Louise: No, it’s called disappointing your mother
Louise: Okay, let’s stop using the term ‘Butthurt’. We’re not twelve anymore.
Dan: You sound fannytroubled.
Phil: A little bootybothered if you ask me.
Chris: Someone’s having a tushytantrum.
Pj: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. Phil: What if I bite it and it dies? Dan: That means you’re poisonous. Phil: What if it bites itself and I die? Marzia:…That’s voodoo. Louise: What if it bites me and someone else dies? Felix: That’s correlation, not causation. Dan: What if we bite each other and neither of us die? Chris: That’s kinky.
Phil: What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Dan: …
Phil: Aye matey
Dan: GO TO HELL THAT WAS CLEVER
Phil: I like my tea like I like my men
Dan, hopeful: Hot and British?
Phil: Thrown in the Boston harbor
Dan: My name backwards spells “disappointment and skin problems"
Phil: Nice to meet you, Smelborp Niks Dna Tnemtnioppasid
Chris: You really shouldn’t put your full name on the Internet, it’s not safe
Dan: I’m done
Pj: Smelborp for president
Felix: Smelborp has my vote
Louise: Smelborp will be the next great leader
Dan: All of you are sarcastic little shits
Phil: Why is no one freaking out about Mater from Cars? The guy lives in a junkyard full of car parts…which wouldn’t be that bad if he didn’t exist in a universe of talking cars
Phil: He sleeps surrounded by discarded organs and hollowed out corpses
Dan: The Cars universe is so fucked up if you give it more than twenty seconds of thought
Dan: There’s a big sale going on right now
Phil: Really, where?
Dan: In my room. Clothes are 100% off *winks*
Dan: Okay Phil, I’m going to ask you a bunch of questions and every time you have to answer by saying “ketchup and liquor” okay?
Phil: Okay!
Dan: What did you have for breakfast?
Phil: Ketchup and liquor
Dan: What did you have for lunch?
Phil: Ketchup and liquor
Dan: What do you do when you see a hot girl running down the street?
Phil: Ketchup and Liqour
Phil: DAN
Phil: Did you know that a spider can hold eight guns at once
Dan: How does it WALK
Phil: Did you know that a spider can hold seven guns at once
Dan: But now I’m just picturing a spider hopping along on one leg
Phil: I don’t consider myself hip
Phil: I’m like
Phil: Shoulder
Dan: No, you’re an ass
Phil: no I’m in your ass
Dan: Did you know that 1 in 4 people is gay?
Dan: That means at was one of the fantastic foursome is gay
Dan: I hope it’s Phil
Dan: Phil is cute
Pj: …
Dan: I can’t express how much I hate fucking bees
Phil: Then stop fucking bees??? It’s a really simple solution
Dan: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT
Phil: Not after bee movie we don’t
Don’t tell the vegans
A salad is a dead garden