Incorrect K-Pop

[robs-your-robins]

Dick: We have to be quiet.

Wally, slightly tipsy: Hear that, Roy? wE hAvE tO Be qUIeT.

Roy: Oh come on, Dick, you think the big bad Bat's going to yell at us for coming here late? It's not like you Bats ever sleep anyway.

Dick: No, not Bruce.

Wally: Alfred-

Dick: It's Duke.

Roy: Duke? The kid in the yellow? With the light show? You're afraid of him?

Dick, shhhing them: He's the day shift. He's sleeping. If you fucking wake him-

Duke, appearing at the top of the stairs: Hello Richard.

Dick:

Wally: Sorry to wake you, Duke.

Roy: We're just heading to bed now.

Duke: *walks away*

Wally: The great scary Nightwing afraid of a kid.

*at dawn*

Duke: *opens door to Dick's room where Wally is sleeping next to Dick and Roy is sleeping on the floor*

Duke: *flashbangs the fuck out of them*

Wally: *screaming*

Roy: *screaming*

Dick: *screaming*

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 71 (masterpost here)

Dick: wait so- things i think you'd be good at?

Tim: all of us. like- i have a theory that Damian would be really good at making topiary animals. i don't know why, i just think he'd smash it.

Dick: oh i get it. i actually- yeah, i could see that with Damian. he's got the steady hands and the artistic talent. i have a- ok, so i have one,

Tim: go.

Dick: i've always had the strong belief that if we were to get Bruce into origami, he'd be a fuckin' paper fiend within a month.

Tim: *wheeze*

Dick: like- do you know what i mean? we'd go down to the Batcave and he'd be mindlessly churning out swans 'n octopus' n shit out of paper while trying to figure out a case.

Tim: *still snickering* i like that. i could see that. like some people knit while they watch TV?

Dick: yeah that's his version of that. i also- for you, i also feel like you would be good at ballroom dancing.

Tim, eager: oh i can actually answer that one,

Dick: yeah?

Tim: yup. *sing-song* answer's no,

Dick: *laughing*

Tim, amused: yeah- yeah my mom also had that belief when i was a kid, and she signed me up for lessons. and let me tell you? *matter of fact* used to get on my instructors last nerve~.

Dick: *gleeful* were you really that bad?

Tim: yeah, that man did not like teaching me. i just kept asking to go to the bathroom and then locking myself in for the entire lesson to look after my nintendogs.

*connecting ping*

Damian: Grayson, Father let me finish early; i'm on my way to you.

Dick: oh sick. hey, Dames, you got any headcanons about skills you think me or Tim would be good at if we tried?

Damian: headcanons? about you two?

Dick: yeah, you know... like, personal ideas or-

Damian: i know what a headcanon is. of course i don't.

Tim: aw, c'mon, not one?

Damian: i hate to break it to you, but you two aren't that interesting to think about. i rarely examine my opinions on anything to do with you unless it is directly relevant to my current life.

*a beat*

Dick: alright, ow, kinda offensive considering i invited you up to Bludhaven for the weekend?

Damian, dryly: yeah, cry about it. that will definitely make you more interesting.

Tim: what the fuck- ok fuck you, and fuck this. what about Jason, do we have any about Jason? i feel like he's the sort of person that would be really good at snowboarding but really shit at skiing.

Dick: oh, honestly? ok i do have one that i've been thinking for a while now actually,

Tim: *prompting hum*

Dick: i've always thought that Jason would be fucking incredible as a Dungeons and Dragons DM.

Tim, curious: ooooooh,

Dick: right? like- he's always been a good storyteller, and as meathead-y as he is he can kinda be a bit of a fantasy nerd. i've always thought that if i could convince him to try a campaign with me then it would be one of the greatest moments of my life.

Tim: fuck, no that's genius. i kinda want this now, do you think we could convince him?

Dick: i've been trying for years, he says he doesn't like DnD.

Damian, bored: he's lying, he plays Dungeons and Dragons all the time.

Dick: ...what?

Damian: yeah. he'd DM for me and some of his friends back in the league every now and then. i had no access to video games and Mother disapproved of other board games, so Jason would cover the DnD textbooks with mathematic book covers, and if anybody walked in on us playing we could just shut our notebooks and claim to be doing math exercises with some dice.

Dick, squeaking indignantly: he told me he had no idea how to play and couldn't be fucked to learn!

Damian, still bored: yeah he's lying because he thinks if any of you were to get involved with one of his campaigns you would be 'insufferable' to play with.

Tim: wait wait wait- so Damian, you grew up as a DnD nerd??!

Damian: why did you think i was so gullible about magic and supernatural stuff back then? my only reference for anything outside of league life was fantasy worlds and spells. when Jason first showed me the All Blades he told me it was because he'd 'acquired a new spell slot'. what reason did i have not to believe him?

Tim: oh my god it all makes so much sense now... oh my god,

Dick: wait. Damian...do you... do you still play with him?

*a beat*

Damian: occasionally.

Dick: HE'S BEEN FUCKING DMING FOR YOU AND CUTTING ME OUT?!?!

Tim: i am so fucking offended right now. who the fuck is he playing with? it can't be just you two,

Damian: no, Thomas also plays. and some of his old league friends.

Dick: are you fucking- he lets Duke play and not us?!?!

Damian: Thomas keeps trying to kill the important NPC's though, so getting through the campaign is slow going.

Dick: i am going to lose my mind-

Damian: Jason says it's a good activity for brothers.

Tim, offended: ok-

Dick: *screams*

[l-thejester]

Silly little headcanon about Tim and Damian time:

When Tim was a child, he wrote letters to Santa Claus. At age 7, he asked for a little brother who liked swords so they could play together all day, and he also asked that he love animals because one day they would have a big dog and his little brother couldn't hate their pet.

It's strange to say that Tim finds Damian's taste incredibly nostalgic.

[papayafromtv]

conversations overheard through the batkid com lines pt 70 (masterpost here)

Jason: hold on, it's on my phone, let me pull it up.

Tim, audibly delighted: i can't believe you do this-!

Bruce: Robin, don't get distracted, i need you on my six.

Damian: *already distracted, somewhat forlorn* i wish you were an owl...

Bruce: that's not- *pause* what?

Damian: they don't need people on their sixes. they can turn their heads and just look.

*silence*

*distant crashing and gunshots*

Bruce: shit- focus, Robin!

Jason: i got it, it's still here.

Tim: please god read it out,

Bruce: *amidst grunting* you two aren't helping.

Jason, dismissively: then switch to a different line? everybody knows line seven is Red Hood's territory; go back to line one.

Dick: who needs to go back to line one?

Tim: ...Dick you've been here for thirty minutes, how are you not hearing us.

Dick: sorry- you know that thing where you disassociate and drive, and then you snap back to yourself as you pull up the driveway and you have that moment of 'how the fuck am i still alive?'? i think i did that with swinging.

Jason, grunting casually: oh yeah, i get that sometimes.

Dick, mystified: how the fuck did i get to Bristol...? sorry, anyway- what are we on?

Tim: Jason's grudge list.

Dick: Jason's what now?

Jason: i have a list on my phone of the worst things everybody has done to me, so i can keep track of how much revenge i need to get to 'win'.

Damian: ...win what?

Jason: shut up. aren't you fighting?

Damian: it's not that complicated a fight.

*distant gunshot*

Damian, casually, after a beat: Father?

*sounds of punching, hitting*

Bruce: yes?

Damian: how good of a mood would you say you're in?

Bruce: ...why?

Tim: i'm calling it now he got shot- you got shot, didn't you?

*silence*

Damian: tis' but a flesh wound-,

Bruce, resigned: oh my god- Robin.

Damian: you didn't watch my six.

Tim: *laughs*

Damian: it didn't even hit anywhere important,

Bruce: i don't care- just go to the batmobile and get the first aid kit, i'll be there after i finish getting the evidence i needed.

Damian: *groans*

Dick: are you guys done? because i wanna know what's on Jason's list for me.

Tim: yeah i'm- i'm also very invested in this. actually- is Damian on there?

Jason: uhhhh- yeah, by the bottom. i don't update this that much, to be fair.

Damian: what's written for me?

Jason: it just says 'looks too much like Bruce'.

Tim: *instant snickers*

Dick: wait wait- what's on there for Bruce then?

Jason: Bruce's- *laughs* ok, Bruce's has stayed the same since before i went to Ethiopia, and it's still the most evil thing he's ever done to me.

Bruce: *confused grunt*

Jason: according to the list, the meanest shit Bruce has ever done to me was when I was thirteen years old and he took me to an evening afterparty for this opera event, and i was bored as fuck with all the other rich-people kids and i wanted to go home, so to discreetly get B's attention, i texted him-,

Bruce: oh- *snort* ok i remember this.

Dick: what happened?

Jason, indignant: i texted him asking if we could go home, and this piece of shit proceeds to look at the text in the middle of this circle of people he's talking to, read the text from me OUT LOUD TO THEM, and then he looked at me across the room and yelled out 'what's wrong, chum? who don't you like, why do you wanna leave so early?'

Tim: *long noise of sympathy*

Dick: *cackling* THAT'S SO BAD????

Bruce: *another snort*

Jason: shut up Bruce. -and you wonder why we hated you; honestly.

Bruce: you were- *struggling to tamp down his amusement* you were being a handful, and that was the quickest way i could think of to make you want to be quiet.

Dick: *more cackles*

Jason: worst moment of my life to date, and i've literally been murdered.

Bruce, slightly amused: oh come now, chum, that's dramamtic.

Jason: IT'S NOT THOUGH??? IT'S PUBLIC HUMILIATION!

Tim: *wheeze*

Damian: *hiss of pain* oh- woooaaahhhhhh,

Dick, still snickering: -uh, Dami?

Damian: hm? oh, sorry, no, carry on, don't mind me- *under his breath* huh, that's cool.

Bruce, slightly concerned: Robin, where are you? i thought i told you to wait in the car.

Damian: i am in the car.

Bruce: then what are you doing?

Damian: taking out the bullet i got shot with.

Tim: ...the hell is 'cool' about that?

Damian: there's a second one already in there that i didn't know about.

*a beat*

Dick, baffled: what?

Bruce, stern: Robin what's your status, are you ok?

Jason: when the fuck did you even last get shot?

Damian: i dunno, that's why it's cool. i guess i forgot about it?

Tim: dude- what the fuck even is your life.

Damian: yeah i don't- oh, i think the second one was blocking a vein- shit, there's blood on the seats,

Dick: oh my god BRUCE GO TO YOUR KID-

Bruce: I'M GOING-

Tim, mumbling: like father like son,

Jason, instantly: -shut it or i put you on the list.

[robs-your-robins]

You might have done something similar like this before, but how do U think all the Robins came out to Bruce?

Dick just showed up with Wally, holding his hand and just asked Bruce could Wally sleep over. Bruce said no but said that Wally was very welcome at the house as always but he had to call Bruce Mr Wayne now.

Jason didn't have to say it. Bruce watched the bi panic on Jason's face when he set eyes on Roy after coming back into the family and when Bruce passed comment Jason didn't deny it, just told his dad to shut up.

Tim worked up the courage to tell Bruce officially... Through a WE memo. Bruce signed off on it and gave Tim a huge hug.

Damian announced his intention to court Jon Kent at family dinner. Bruce said fine but no more sleepovers.

Steph walked into the Cave beaming and announced that she kisses girls now and Bruce was like "that's nice, honey".

Cass tugged on Bruce's sleeve at a gala and told him that a nearby woman was very beautiful and Bruce just nodded, because he understood.

Duke was the only one who sat down with Bruce and admitted he thought he might be gay. Bruce hugged that boy and told him it was OK, that it was completely normal and Bruce was a little taken aback when Duke admitted he expected a different reaction. I mean Duke has seen how Bruce is around Clark, Khoa and multiple men? Is Bruce not as overtly bi as he thought? Alfred assures him he's doing just fine.

[papayafromtv]

scenarios Alfred Pennyworth has to be a witness to as a resident of Wayne Manor that the batkids have absolutely no shame in front of whatsoever part 16 (masterpost here)

*Alfred bringing tea and a plate of biscuits down to the cave during a monthly mandatory strategy meeting, with Bruce stood at the head of a table all the kids are seated around*

Duke: i shouldn't even have to be here, i'm the only one on dayshift.

Jason: uh- i reject that; i'm doin' shit during the day too, y'know.

Duke, without missing a beat: that's because you're unemployed and have no civilian friends, there's a fucking difference Jason.

Dick: *covers his mouth, snickering*

Bruce: now, boys-

Jason: i will jump over this table, brightshit. try me.

Duke: *flips Jason off*

Jason, starting to get up: oh you want it-?

Alfred, pointedly putting the tray of snacks down in between them, giving them both warning glares: i trust that the meeting is going well?

*a beat*

Jason, sitting back down: dammit,

Bruce: *sigh* thank you, Alfred. now if we could just get back to-

Duke: i still don't want to be here.

Bruce: oh for- we've been over this, Duke. everybody has to attend these meetings.

Damian: just because you say something is mandatory doesn't mean it's actually necessary. it's subjective.

Bruce: it's not subjective, it's fact. if we don't take time to co-ordinate ourselves then we're more liable to miscommunicate and get ourselves, or others, hurt. it's important that we take this time to go over protocols and codes, as well as alert everybody of upcoming missions. it's not like you have anything better to do tonight, Damian.

Damian: what the hell,

Dick: oooh~

Damian: how dare you; i have plenty of ways to spend my evening, thank you very much-

Bruce, pinching the bridge of his nose: i didn't mean it that way, chum, can we just-

Damian: for starters, Drake and I have a new Lego set to construct, which you are selfishly taking time away from!

Steph, squinting across at Tim: sorry, you two build Lego sets together?

Tim: *defensive* what, mad that he doesn't play with you?

Steph, turning to Damian incredulously: well fucking yes?? dude- i ask you to hang out all the time. how come you'll play with Tim but not me!?

Damian, easily: because your version of hanging out is just dragging me all over Gotham while we stalk your English professor. i don't give a fuck which of the PA's he's hooking up with, Brown. i just want to build Lego.

Alfred: *watches with narrowed eyes as Cass slowly leans forward and drags the entire plate of biscuits towards herself*

Bruce: Damian, language.

Damian: me?!

Dick: fuck yeah, bring down the hammer, B.

Bruce, exhausted: can we all just-

Damian, planting his hands on the table: NO, WHY AREN'T YOU GETTING MAD WHEN THEY SWEAR?

Bruce: Damian- sit back down,

Jason, casually putting his feet on the table: it's 'cause you do it wrong, Dames. the curse word has to fall off the tongue comfortably, so that nobody even realises it shouldn't be in the sentence. *tipping his head up to show his mouth* you gotta- like this, roll your tongue slightly, just let it fall off, see: cunt.

Damian, copying: cunt.

Jason: cunt,

Damian: cunt.

Bruce, staring between the two in defeat: *makes eye contact with Alfred pleadingly*

Alfred: *shrugs*

Jason: cunt,

Damian: cunt, like that?

Jason: yeah, but in a sentence.

Damian: Dick Grayson is a cunt. like that?

Jason: yeah you got it.

Dick: WOAH WOAH- why am i catching strays? the fuck did i do?

Tim, flatly: if you hadn't fucked up the protocol code names three months ago, we wouldn't have to do these meetings.

Duke, pointing at Tim in agreement: that's true.

Dick: I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE, JACKASSES, STEPH DID IT TOO!

Steph: at least i was concussed. you're just an idiot.

Dick: *visibly offended* i'll have you know-

Bruce, snapping: ok that is IT. all of you sit back down, we are going over the current standing protocols and that is FINAL. none of you are leaving until i dismiss you, and if you don't comply then you will be benched for the foreseeable future, understood?

*silence*

*the kids awkwardly exchanging glances as they settle back down into their chairs*

Bruce, sighing in relief: finally. now, can we all-

Jason: *sticks his hand up in the air*

Bruce:

Bruce: *wary* what is it about, Jason?

Jason, innocently: i have a question about the protocols.

Bruce: ...go on then.

Jason: what's the protocol for when you let a call from your overbearing father go to voicemail because you're busy getting it on with Roy Harper mid-patrol, and then said overbearing father just hacks into your private com line mid-fuck anyway, completely ignoring your boundaries and throwing off the mood, all because he wanted to ask whether or not you'd prefer fish or chicken for the family barbeque that weekend?

*complete and utter silence*

Alfred: *stares in disappointment at a rapidly reddening Bruce*

Duke, grinning wildly as he looks between Bruce and Jason: has that ever happened?

Jason, flatly: three times.

Bruce:

Bruce:

Cass: *loudly crunches on biscuits*

Bruce: ok Jason you can go,

Jason, already leaping out his chair: SEE YOU SUCKERS-

Steph: WOAH- HOLD ON, HOLD ON-

Dick: THAT'S SO UNFAIR,

Duke: JUST BECAUSE HE'S A SLUT HE GETS TO AVOID THE MEETINGS?!

Bruce: -STOP SHOUTING AT ME-

Damian: so what i'm hearing is that to get out of these ridiculous things, i just have to tell Jon he's allowed to hit?

*silence*

Bruce, to Damian: ...ok you're grounded,

Tim: Steph, i know we broke up years ago and you're technically my sister now but i feel like this is for the greater good-

Steph: you and i have the same mind, Timmy-boy.

Bruce, distraught: NO-,

[batsandbirdbrains]

What about a fic where Dick has been given the okay by Bruce to reveal his identity to the yj team in season 1, but he decides to have fun with it. He just starts dropping little hints that should have them all connecting the dots, and he enjoys watching them try to piece all the clues together.

“I won’t be available for training on Tuesdays and Thursdays the next few months,” he says one afternoon.

“Why not?” one of his teammates asks.

“That’s when I have baseball games after school. Tuesdays are away games, so I don’t get home until late. Also I have practice Monday, Wednesday, and some Fridays, so I’ll probably be late those days if B lets me come here afterwards.”

“You…play a sport?”

“Yeah, I even made Varsity!”

That was hint number one. He thought it was fairly easy to figure out who he was after that; he’s the only freshman on the Gotham Academy Varsity Baseball team. Artemis never puts two and two together.

Hint number two he thought was a lot more obvious, but no one took the bait. He also thought it was pretty generous, seeing as it became two hints for the price of one.

“I have to leave by 5:30 tonight. Agent A is starting to get annoyed when I’m late for dinner.”

“Who’s Agent A?”

“The butler, if you want to be technical about it,” he says with a shrug.

“…You have a butler?”

“Technically, B has a butler. I don’t employ him. Because I’m 13.”

“…Right. And you live with Batman?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“What about your parents?”

“They died when I was little.” If he says it nonchalantly enough, he can pretend it doesn’t still hurt to say. He also steadfastly ignores Conner’s muttered Is he not still little? How tall is he? “I’ve lived with B ever since.”

“Did he kidnap you?”

“No!” Dick huffs. “He adopted me! Jeez!”

Now he’s annoyed, and he decides to go home early. They still don’t figure it out, and that annoys him even more.

The third hint may as well be his secret identity handed to them on a silver platter.

“I can’t come to the movie marathon on Saturday,” he grumbles, dragging his feet. “B is making me go to some stupid gala thing.”

“A gala?” Someone asks.

“Like for rich people?” Someone else scoffs.

“Yeah, it’s some charity thing,” he mumbles. He doesn’t want to go. Vicki Vale has been extra annoying lately, and he doesn’t want to have to avoid her questions all night. He doesn’t know who Bruce’s latest paramour is, and he certainly wouldn’t be blabbing about it to her gossip rag tabloids in the first place. “I think it’s gonna be on TV or something.”

They don’t watch the broadcast. Which is a shame, because they may have figured it out if they’d seen the interview of Bruce and Dick together.

The next one he does just to screw with them.

“Can you believe B is making me take tennis lessons?” he scoffs, stomping into the room. “It’s gonna be so lame!”

“Where are you taking tennis lesson in Gotham?” Artemis snorts.

“The Bristol Country Club,” he tells her, falling back into a chair and putting his feet on the coffee table.

Artemis’ eyes nearly bug out of her head.

“Do you have to pay extra to get tennis lessons at a country club?” M’gann asks.

“I think it’s included in the membership or something, I dunno,” he says, waving a hand.

“Batman goes to a country club?”

“Yeah, we go for dinner there like once a week. The steak is pretty good.”

“You and Batman get dinner at a country club? Weekly?”

“If we can, yeah,” he says, waving a hand. “B likes the golf course there.”

When they still don’t figure it out even after Dick Grayson posts on social media about going to the Bristol Country Club to play golf with Bruce Wayne the very next day, he finally gives up on them.

“You guys are so thick,” he says, sounding so offended as he stands in front of them with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. “I gave you so many hints! So many!”

They all can’t stop staring at him. Mostly because he’s not wearing his mask. Or his sunglasses.

Dick Grayson is standing before the team, supremely disappointed in them.

“B finally gives me the go ahead to tell you my secret ID, and then he makes a bet with me about how long it would take you guys to find out for yourselves! And I believed in you! And now I have to do the dishes and take out the trash and clean up after Ace without complaining about any of it for a month!”

“Who’s Ace?”

“Our dog!“

“Don’t you have a butler to do all that?”

“He’s not a servant,” he says, now even more offended. “I still have chores. I’m not a total spoiled brat, jeez. But I usually at least get to bitch about it! And now I can’t for a whole month, you guys suck!”

“…do you not have a dishwasher in your giant mansion?”

“It’s a manor,” he corrects. And then his voice gets a little shrieky as he whines, “And it still sucks having to load and unload the dishwasher! Do you know how nitpicky they BOTH are about how dishes have to go in a dishwasher? It’s like the world’s worst game of Tetris! Shit!”

“And you don’t get to whine about it at all for the next month,” Bruce teases him, poking his head around the corner. “Pleasure doing business, chum.”

Dick snaps his head towards him, only to turn back and glare at his friends.

“I could have gotten out of tennis lessons instead, you absolutely shitheads. Ugh!” Then he stomps off.

After he’s left, Conner turns to the others and says, “I thought he was fucking with us about the tennis lessons.”

[gremlinofmemoryloss]

late night converstations in the Way e Manor kitchen based on me and my siblings midnight ramblings

Tim, bleary-eyed with a coffee in hand: would our names make Jim or Timson?

Jason, blinking:

Jason: why not both, Jim Timson

Tim: you should make that your next alias

Jason, snorting: what, Todd Peters not good enough?

Tim: okay but what would you and dick be tho?

Jason: like. jack. but that's a boring one.

Tim: Dickson?

Jason, grinning: Jack Dickson

Tim, snorting: lmao thats a good one

Jason: wht about you and the demon brat?

Tim, squinting (everyone knows squinting makes you think better): uhh- like, Timian. or Damothy.

Jason, sighing: ugh those aren't nearly as good

Tim: Idk Timian is kinda catchy

Jason, raising an eyebrow: that's just becouse you're sleep deprived

Tim, blinking: eh, maybe

Alfred, hands on his hips: and what, pray tell, are you two still doing awake? it is much past any reasonable time to be awake.

Jason, choking on his water: shi-oot, sorry Alfie, lost track of time

Tim, shrugging: I'm too tired to go to sleep

Jason, staring a Tim: what the fuck do you mean, that doesn't even make any sense!

Tim, shrugging: dunno. when i get too tired i just get more awake

Jason: that makes even less sense

Tim: i dont fucking know either, okay? my body just likes to fuck with me, i guess

[batsandbirdbrains]

Picture this: a scenario where the JL doesn’t know Batman & Robin’s secret identities yet. Maybe they don’t even know if Robin is real or just a rumor online. And they’re discussing a time for their next meeting when Batman just interjects:

“Saturday won’t work for me. My son’s baseball team is having a bake sale.”

The entire room goes silent, because no one realized Batman even had a kid. Or went out in the daylight.

“What?” one of the others asks, still shocked.

“A bake sale,” Batman says slowly, like they’re all a little stupid. “It’s a fundraiser.”

“I know what a bake sale is! But since when do you have a kid?”

“Have you not met Robin?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised. “He’s been to the Watchtower several times now.”

“Robin’s your kid?” gets asked first, followed closely by someone else asking, “Robin is real?”

“Can’t you just drop him off?” Superman asks, trying to calm the situation.

“Well I’m also the coach, so that probably wouldn’t be setting a very good example for the kids, Superman.”

“You’re the coach?” Someone asks.

“Yes.”

“Of a little league team?”

“Yes.”

“Are we in the Twilight Zone?” Hal whispers to Barry, who shushes him.

“Will Sunday work?” Superman asks quickly, wanting this to get resolved.

“So long as it’s over with by 4pm.”

“Why?”

“I told Robin I’d take him to the Gotham Knights game.”

Everyone’s heads are spinning. Batman is actually acting like a normal guy with a normal kid. This is not at all what they imagined he was like outside of the cowl. Some of them didn’t think he ever actually took the cowl off at all.

That Sunday, Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson are seen on TV arriving a little late to sit behind home plate at the Gotham Knights game. Dick, 9 years old, looks very grumpy about being late until Bruce gets him a giant ice cream to make up for the fact that his meeting ran long. It still takes a few years before the JL find out Bruce Wayne is Batman.

[papayafromtv]

forever a supporter of the dynamic that Dick is a dickhead older brother, but only specifically to Jason.

like, i feel like Jason was the only one he got to be a proper big brother too, rather than more of a mentor/guardian figure. when Jason was around he was barely even an adult, and Jason was a little shit of a pre-teen that gave as good as he took. Dick 100% was a piece of shit to him in the brotherly sense. with all the others though? after losing Jason and growing up and being the one that had to hold everything apart every time Bruce got lost in grief/a timestream or something, he is a completely different type of brother to the others than he is to Jason, and i think it would be funny to see the others slowly start to realise how different Dick's relationship is to Jason compared to the rest of them.

like, just the little things. they're all at the manor for a weekend and Dick makes Tim and Damian breakfast, ruffling their hair and sliding pancakes onto their plates. then Jason comes in and makes himself a piece of toast and Dick instantly jabs him in the ribs before stealing the food from his plate.

he always lets the others win at mario kart, chuckling easily whenever he's beaten at any game and actually seeming more proud at them for winning than sad for losing. then Jason picks up Damian's abandoned remote and suddenly he's all focus. snatching the player 1 remote and making Jason be player 2 and the two are literally trying to shove each other off the couch with how hard they're trying to beat each other. if Dick wins, you can hear his yells of mocking from across the manor. if Jason wins and he tries to say anything at all? Dick body slams him to the ground and they're fighting for a solid half an hour.

he steals Jason's shit all the time, and yet the one time Duke saw Jason walk into Dick's bedroom to borrow a shirt, Dick clocked it from down the hall and just yelled 'FUCK OUT MY ROOM' and Jason pivoted and left without even faltering in his movement, like he'd fully expected to be denied. it's worth mentioning that that very same day Tim asked Dick if he could borrow some socks and Dick told them all sincerely that they could go in and take whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. it's just Jason that isn't allowed, apparently.

for the record i think it goes both ways, and i think Jason is also the only guy who knows how to get under Dick's skin in that Specific Little Brother Manner. like that's his big brother, his only big brother. i think the others he either views as little kids to protect or just... random guys that were adopted while he was gone that he didn't even properly meet until he was an adult and out of the house, so he never really built a proper antagonistic sibling relationship with anybody else. Dick though? he pours salt into every glass of water he sees Dick drink out of. he steals his stuff. he stands just outside the doorway of Dick's room just so that when Dick yells for him to get the fuck out he can say 'i'm not in your room, you can't make me do anything'. he snitches on him to Bruce whenever he can, and whenever he figures out Dick has a crush on anybody he relentlessly tries to embarrass Dick in front of them.

anyway i just like to think about a Dick and Jason who are the only true childhood-brother pairs, and whenever they're in the same room for more than three minutes it shows. much to Bruce's everlasting exhaustion, because seriously how are these two still as bad as they were almost a decade ago??

[robs-your-robins]

I know it never happened but I don't care. I want the rogues to have been slightly bemused at the concept of a Robin, so when they kidnap them or interact them they are a little playful with them or at very least, remember they're kids and act accordingly.

Like Two Face asking what the terms and conditions they agreed to in their contract with Batman. Do they get breaks? Are they entitled to benefits? And Harvey is trying not to laugh when Robin rattles off contract law to a bewildered Batman and demands extra dessert privileges in recompense.

The Riddler patiently repeating riddles or making them kid friendly, always looking so proud when they crack a riddle before getting annoyed because the fun is over? But Batman, look how clever this kid is? Are you watching?

Harley who capers and jokes around for the amusement of Robin, mainly because Joker is doing something that no kid should see and despite everything, she's doing her best to distract them from something that will scar them deeply and that's not funny, even if Mister J says it is.

But eventually the shift happens and rogues no longer care that it's a kid in the cape or they're too jaded to pretend any of this is a game any more. But there was a time.

[oifaaa]

What a bunch of weebs RIP to Bruce's Yacht tho it did not make it home

Tip jar

[akaanmo]

their miis end up in a throuple (in a perfect world it's possible)

[katheyn]

Nightwing doesn't make the cut but I'm pretty sure Red Hood does.

Good for Jason. Love this for him.

[bearcosmic]

Dick: No. I refuse, get somebody else to do it.

Tim: Dick, no one else is even in the running. please be so fr right now

Damian: What are you arguing about?

Dick: Damian! Damian can do it! He’d be great at it.

Tim: No, Damian’s gonna follow his paternal grandfathers lead and be a doctor. Everyone only has to take on ONE element of Bruce. Try again

Jason: They are arguing about which one of us should be the newest representative for the Justice League for when Bruce finally conks it.

Damian: That would be an honor no? Richard you would be a competent ruler.

Cas: Leader

Damian: Whatever. I assume Timothy will be taking on WE in the event of father’s passing, so wouldn’t Jason also be in the running?

Tim: No i called dibs on Jason

Jason: What? What are you talking about. You can’t call dibs on me. What if I want to run the Justice League?

Tim: You don’t. You are going to run the Wayne foundation. Take from the rich give to the poor. Modern day Robin Hood—Very on brand for you. Don’t worry I have the contracts and everything ready.

Jason: …

Jason: Ok deal. Sorry Dickie, looks like your going to rule the interplanetary alliance :P

Dick: I don’t wanna!

Tim: What, do you wanna switch?

Dick: Well, no—

Tim: Also you’re the only one that makes sense.

Dick: I’ll do anything else, please that’s too much responsibility.

Tim: Okay. Be Batman.

Dick: …

Dick: Yea never mind. Running the Justice League won’t be that hard.

Damian: Wait so who will be Batman?

Cass: Dibs

Damian, Tim, Jason, Dick: Fair

Bruce, who’s been sitting at the dining room table with them the whole time: Are you done dividing my assets and responsibilities between yourselves now? Can we eat our dinner?

[grakkie]

Duke appreciation, let him interact with his siblings more often dc 🙏

[jason-toddie]

@numberonedukethomasapologist

[robs-your-robins]

Dick watching The Greatest Showman because :D circus movie :D but then projecting way too hard on basically every single character and the family has to pick him up from the floor afterwards.

Dick sitting in the home theatre, crosslegged down inches from the screen, wide-eyed and teared up because FAMILY. He has a family now but The Greatest Showman reminds him of his mom, his dad and the entire village that raised him from a baby to an 8yo. Cue Dick needing to be very alone for a bit, high up on some building, in his civvies with Zitka the elephant under his jacket. After a few hours, he feels a presence and looks up to see Bruce not the Bat stood behind him. He says nothing. He doesn't have to.