bear cosmic

🦇🦇🦇 as always, dc stands for disregard canon

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Batfam head turn around

Full image under cut

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I just love this

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Tim: When are you going to make up with Bruce? You’ve been back for months and he obviously loves you and wants you home.

Jason: I don’t think I can forgive him unless he kills the Joker. I know how he feels about justice and morality and I understand it to a degree, but idk he killed me, his son, I hoped he’d put me above being Batman.

Tim: So Batman doesn’t necessarily have to kill him, it just needs to be by Bruce’s hands?

Jason: I guess

Tim: I have an idea. How do you feel about law school?

four years later

Tim: Bruce I signed you up for a volunteering opportunity at the Gotham Department of Justice. You need to be there at 4pm this Sunday. Don’t miss it or i’ll never speak to you again

Bruce: What? Why? Tim explain please. TIM WHERE ARE YOU GOING

Breaking News

New hotshot Attorney Peter Todd achieved the unachievable—Overruling the Jokers Insanity Plea and subsequently charging him with the death penalty. The Joker was executed last night by Gothams own, Bruce Wayne, who volunteered to be lead executioner, via lethal injection. His body was then cremated and spilled onto the streets of Gotham, where Gothamites celebrated and danced on his ashes. More updates coming soon. [Picture: Bruce Wayne and Peter Todd hugging with huge smiles, tears streaming down their faces]

Next at 10–Bruce Wayne and Peter Todd related? Here’s Why We Think Attorney Peter Todd is Bruce Wayne’s Secret Love Child

[bearcosmic]

Tim, walking into the Batcave and noticing everyone’s distraught appearance: What’s wrong?? Who died??

Stephanie: We have bad news Tim. You should sit down.

Tim: Oh shit did someone actually die?? Who was it this time?

Dick: Remember that civilian that we catch trailing after us every so often? The one who was involved in the Penguin incident awhile ago?

Tim: Oh. Clarissa O’Neal? What about her?

Damian: She was taken hostage by one of Black Masks henchmen. We didn’t make it in time to save her.

Tim: ? And that’s why you guys are so upset? C’mon guys lighten up, it’s movie night

Jason, getting visibly pissed: What the Fuck dude. A civilian we were close to fucking died because we didn’t make it in time

Dick: I know you didn’t like her much but show a bit of empathy Timmy. You usually take these situations seriously

Tim: I’ve been trying to kill her off for ages. Why would I be upset??

Steph: Tim you have 10 seconds to fix your attitude before i fix it for you

Jason: Since when do you take people’s lives so lightly? Dude you need to leave before I do something i regret.

Tim: I didn’t know you guys were so attached to her. I could revive her if you want, but honestly it’s more effort than it’s worth. And she was getting unwanted attention from the rogues so she had to go.

Damian: Revive?? Timothy what are you on about? And why are you saying that like you personally set up her demise?

Tim: Because I did? The planning for it took forever but I have to admit everything went a lot better than I was expecting.

Dick: TIM WHAT—

Jason: WHAT THE HELL—

Damian: MURDER? You?!

Steph, screaming over everyone else: WAIT SHUT UP

Steph: TIM NO YOU DID NOT

Steph: TIM DON’T TELL ME YOU DID IT AGAIN

Dick: Again?!? What are you talking about?!

Steph, laughing: Guys calm down. HE was Clarissa

Tim: You guys didn’t know??

Jason: HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT THE HISPANIC LOOKING WOMEN IN HER MID TWENTIES AND A CRIME ALLEY ACCENT WAS YOU

Dick: Tim i am THIS CLOSE to burning down your disguise room.

Damian: Timothy explain yourself

Tim: I had an undercover op that I needed a female field agent for a couple years ago to infiltrate penguins operations. Over time She became a bit too important and Black mask was threatening her. So I decided to kill her off. I got the info I needed already and it was becoming a bit of a drag keeping up appearances

Steph: You need to stop getting us emotionally invested in your aliases and then killing them off. This is the fourth time you did this to me. I’ll never forgive you for Alvin Draper, I still grieve him even though i know you’re alive!

Tim: YOU guys need to start recognizing me in disguise. Worlds greatest detectives MY ASS

Jason: DUDE YOU GAVE YOURSELF DOUBLE D’s WHY WOULD WE ASSUME THAT WAS YOU

Damian: My training in this area has been neglected. Timothy show me your disguise lair

Tim: Sure, after movie night. Let’s go

Dick: This is gonna bite us in the ass. Damian is already so good at impressions. We will never know if someone we are talking to is him or not

Tim: LMAO When i’m done with him? Yea everyone’s fucked

Steph: It’s gonna give Roger from American dad

Bruce from the corner: *Breathes a sigh of relief*

Bruce at the Batcomputer: *Sighs and moves Clarissa O’Neal from ‘Real Civilian Death’ folder to ‘Tim’s Fake Identities’ folder. Creates new folder labeled ‘Damian’s Fake Identities’

[bearcosmic]

Dick: No. I refuse, get somebody else to do it.

Tim: Dick, no one else is even in the running. please be so fr right now

Damian: What are you arguing about?

Dick: Damian! Damian can do it! He’d be great at it.

Tim: No, Damian’s gonna follow his paternal grandfathers lead and be a doctor. Everyone only has to take on ONE element of Bruce. Try again

Jason: They are arguing about which one of us should be the newest representative for the Justice League for when Bruce finally conks it.

Damian: That would be an honor no? Richard you would be a competent ruler.

Cas: Leader

Damian: Whatever. I assume Timothy will be taking on WE in the event of father’s passing, so wouldn’t Jason also be in the running?

Tim: No i called dibs on Jason

Jason: What? What are you talking about. You can’t call dibs on me. What if I want to run the Justice League?

Tim: You don’t. You are going to run the Wayne foundation. Take from the rich give to the poor. Modern day Robin Hood—Very on brand for you. Don’t worry I have the contracts and everything ready.

Jason: …

Jason: Ok deal. Sorry Dickie, looks like your going to rule the interplanetary alliance :P

Dick: I don’t wanna!

Tim: What, do you wanna switch?

Dick: Well, no—

Tim: Also you’re the only one that makes sense.

Dick: I’ll do anything else, please that’s too much responsibility.

Tim: Okay. Be Batman.

Dick: …

Dick: Yea never mind. Running the Justice League won’t be that hard.

Damian: Wait so who will be Batman?

Cass: Dibs

Damian, Tim, Jason, Dick: Fair

Bruce, who’s been sitting at the dining room table with them the whole time: Are you done dividing my assets and responsibilities between yourselves now? Can we eat our dinner?

[bearcosmic]

I need a fic where, on the second anniversary of Damian becoming Robin, all the previous Robins get de-aged to when THEY were in the second year as Robin. Fic starts out with Damian being upset with his family for treating him like a child (he’s literally 13) He gets a different perspective of his brothers after seeing how different they act, how each of them honed Robin in their own unique ways, and also how scary it is to watch someone you care about be young and reckless.

Bonus points if the spell lasts four days and each of the Robins sneak out to patrol one by one. Dick the first night, Jason the second night, then Tim the third night. Damian has a moment with each of them, initially upset and exasperated at their disobedience and recklessness, but also learning about who they are at their core and what made them Robin.

Bonus Bonus points if they all go out as Robin together at the conclusion of the story, racing over rooftops and scaring the shit out of the rogues.

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I see a lot of fics where baby Robin jason (in some sort of time travel or dimension travel scenario) sees Redhood and gets fearful or sad at who he is destined to become.

But I think babyJay would see Crime Alley and how it has transformed, how the kids are protected, the working woman are safe, and community comes together for each other. How the Alley has someone they can look to, consistently, who’s whole goal is to keep them as safe and happy and comfortable as he can, who punishes the monsters who hurt them and be completely in awe of his future self.

Of course he’d have some feelings about the people he hurt and his relationship with his family, but seeing himself become the exact kind of hero that he needed in his own youth?? Yeah I think he’d be proud and impassioned by meeting with Hood. I think babySteph and babyDuke would also love Red Hood and everything that he stood for.

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i’m dying at Tim pinning the robin logo over batman’s on the command centers chair. Nightwing sitting in the same chair during their conference? Gold

[bearcosmic]

Tim and Jason sitting in the manor with Damian, helping him out with his college application

Tim: D why does your resume say that you actively volunteer at an orphanage? The hours you put on here say you work there more than full time.

Jason: I am totally for lying on your resume, but you have to at least make it believable brat. If you’re gonna commit a crime at least do it well.

Damian: Those hours are accurate, they may even be a little on the lower end.

Tim: Dami wouldn’t we notice you leaving every single day to go volunteer for 10 hours a day? We would never see you.

Damian: Why would I need to leave the manor to volunteer at an orphanage?

Jason: . .

Tim: . .

Jason: You listed Alfred as your supervisor?

Tim: WE ARE THE ORPHANS?!?

[bearcosmic]

Steph: Ready when you are Boy Wonder

Clark and Bruce walk into the Batcave to discuss a JL investigation to find Kon in a containment cell, Jason, Dick, Tim, and Damian sitting crisscross on the floor besides him, while Stephanie stands at the entrance with a lead box in hand.

Clark: is that? kryptonite? What’s going on here?

Kon (in Tim’s body): Wassup bro

Bruce: bro?

Dick: Tim and Kon got their bodies switched by a magician

Clark: Should we call—

Damian: We aren’t imbeciles Clark. We’ve already contacted the wizards. The spell will expire in a day or two.

Bruce: Good work.

Clark: So? What are you guys doing?

Jason: We’ve had a bet going that kryptonians have weak pain tolerance and that’s why green kryptonite affects you guys so badly. cause your wusses.

Superman: So your.. gonna torture Tim to find out?

Stephanie: Not torture. Experiment.

Dick: We are trying to figure out where kryptonite exposure feels like on a scale of 1-10

Cass: Face Punch to waterboarding

Clark: ..

Dick: I have money on it being a solid 7

Jason: Tim and I put money on 5.

Clark: This is ridiculous. Tim get out of there. Stephanie bring me the Kryptonite.

Tim (in kons body): Nah this is completely consensual don’t worry, we have a safe word and everything. I’ve been waiting for a chance like this forever. No way am I gonna miss out.

Clark: Bruce, do something

Bruce: ..

Dick: *laughing* You forget who made us this way

Stephanie enters the containment cell and opens the box. Tim(in Kons body) stiffens for a moment, then takes a deep breath. He stands up and gets closer and closer to Stephanie, his breath getting a tiny bit more ragged as he eventually reaches over to close the box.

Jason: Well?

Tim: The pain is proportionate to its proximity. Initial exposure felt like a 4–broken ribs but steadily increased to a 6— full body electrocution as I grew closer. Nausea and a headache are also present symptoms.

Damian: Hmm. The effects have been greatly exaggerated. I assumed it would have felt like being set aflame.

Kon: In my defense, i’m technically only 4 years old.

Tim: We could probably work on you guys’ pain tolerance a bit with a red sun lamp to get you more accustomed to discomfort

Bruce, squinting at Clark: Hmm

Clark: I’m going home

[bearcosmic]

Just learned that Jon and Kon haven’t met canonically and i’ve decided to refuse

Clark: Jon, I should have done this sooner, but there’s someone i want to introduce you to soon. He’s your..brother.

Jon: WHAT?! I have another brother? This is so cool. THREE SUPERBOYS!!

Clark: What do you mean another?! why would there be three?

Jon: ? Me, Kon, and the new brother?

Clark: You’ve met Kon?? When?? What?

Jon, deadpans: We’ve hung out every Sunday for the past year dad. I’ve known him for ages.

Clark: I thought that’s when you have your play dates with Damian??

Jon: Yea, me, Damian, Tim, and Kon.

Clark: Why does Tim hangout with you guys? I’m so confused

Jon: *stares*

Jon: i’m going back inside

[bearcosmic]

I need a fic where Jason approaches Tim during Bruce’s time in the time stream with the whole ‘BE MY ROBIN’ spiel and tim says yes.

Like Imagine

Red Hood: Be My Robin

Tim Drake: You know what, why not. Dick just fired me. He gave Robin to Damian.

Red Hood: Oh that sucks man i’m so sorry.

Red Hood: So… Red Robin?

Tim: Fuck it yeah Red Robin

[bearcosmic]

Tim: Okay, Final argument time. Bruce Your arguments thus far against killing have been heart warming, but subjective. Jason your arguments for killing has been thought provoking, but again, subjective. For this final portion of this debate, that Steph has coined “Red Robin: Kill or No Kill” I will only be considering objective argument, with bonus points for empirical evidence. My fate is in your hands. Would Red Robin make a better impact on Gotham if he was open to killing unrepentant villains? Go!

Bruce, rubbing his temples: Tim are you really choosing your morals based on a debate?

Dick: He didn’t have morals pre-installed, this is how he gets them.

Steph: I lost the debate on why stalking is wrong years ago, so you guys can blame me for that one.

Damian: Enough chatter, begin the debate

Bruce: *sighs* Morally—

Tim: *pressed red button that makes a boo sound* Subjective

Bruce: Okay, We are not judge, jury and executioner. We are citizens. We have no right to take the lives of others. Doing so makes us no better than the criminals we fight every night. Killing is killing, intentions do not matter.

Duke: Idk that was pretty subjective.

Tim: I’ll allow it. Half a point for Bruce. Jason, rebuttal?

Jason, pulls out folder filled to the brim with annotated research papers, text books, and a personally written essay that contained a work cited: Intentions may not matter, but impact does. For example, Black Mask caused the death of 52 Gothamites this year. 46 last year, and 68 the year before, spanning back the last 10 years. If i killed black masked, I would be saving the lives of about 50 people a year. By killing one person, I would be preventing the deaths of hundreds of people, depending on whatever his natural lifespan would be.

Barbara: Is this the research paper you were working on in the Library? I thought that was for finals?

Jason: I finished up my finals last week, got a head start.

Tim: Wow, 3 points for the argument, 3 points for the data backing it up, and 3 extra points for doing research and citing your sources. Great Job Jason.

Dick: Bruce, as funny as I think this is, please don’t lose this debate. I think we’d be unleashing hell upon gotham if he gives himself the green light to murder.

Damian: *Taking notes with a very serious look on his face*

Dick: … And we need to set a good example

Bruce: *sighing* I didn’t want to say this but Jason brings up points for why Red Hood should kill. But not why Red Robin should kill. We have evidence that you should never go down that path in multiple different universes and futures where you become . . . gun batman.

Everyone: *silence*

Dick: He has a good point

Steph: Hate to say this but yea B won

Cass: Red Robin: No Kill

Barbara: That’s at least 10 points.

Jason: I have so many more points to make.. but you know what, I cede your argument

Tim:.. I thought we agreed never to talk about Gun Batman ever again

[dracaelus]

I love when he

Detective comics (2016) #1056

Robin v.4 #128

Robin v5 #14

Robin v.4 #92

Batman & The Signal #3

[bearcosmic]

Spleen Recovery Part 2:

Tim, fighting off a cold: Guys

Steph who was put in charge of making sure Tim rested and didn’t overwork himself: Tim… What did i tell you about approaching me with your Spleen?

Jason, also on sickly Tim Duty: Dude I thought B told you to incinerate that?

Tim, Slightly high on cough medicine: Incinerate?? The first present my baby brother has ever gotten me?? Never.

Steph: Is there a reason your brandishing your severed organ in front of our faces?

Tim: I have an idea

Jason and Steph: *sighs*

Tim: What do you think would happen if i ate it? Do you think i’d get my immune system back??

Steph: Ate it raw? or like in a soup?

Jason: Soup?!?? Are you crazy? He should eat it like a stake, medium rare, like a real man.

Steph: No matter how he cooks it it’s gonna taste bad. C’mon it’s TIMS spleen. Have you ever seen him eat a vegetable??

Jason: Great point, but spleen soup sounds like something a witch would cook in the woods.

Steph: Wait if he eats his own spleen will he be considered a cannibal?

Jason: Not gonna lie, I think that would be great for his street rep. Red Robin’s spleen was taken from him and after recovering it, he consumed his own flesh. Kind of poetic.

Tim: . . . I have a lot to think about. *slowly curls into the bed and promptly falls asleep*

Steph: Told you! descending into madness with him is the best way to tire him out. Arguing with him adds fuel to the fire.

Jason: You’re a genius

[bearcosmic]

Alfred, preparing the Wayne’s for the upcoming Gala

Alfred: Don’t add to the population *eyes Bruce, willing him not to ‘find’ another child*

Alfred: Don’t subtract from the population *glares at Damian who attempted to take down the host of the last function for their rug made of endangered animal fur*

Alfred: Don’t end up in the hospital *squints at Tim who once ate food he was allergic to at a gala for an excuse to leave early*

Alfred: Newspaper *sighs towards Dick who ‘accidentally’ tipped a champagne tower over a business man who looked at his siblings funny*

Alfred: Or Jail *side eyeing Jason who tried to incite a class war during the annual christmas party*

*everyone looks at him with wide-eyed innocence, as if they could do no wrong.

Alfred: . . . If you end up in jail, establish dominance quickly. Good luck.

[bearcosmic]

Bruce: Tim?!? Why didn’t you wait for me to pay the ransom??

Tim casually walking into the Wayne Manor after escaping his kidnappers four days ago. With a concussion and a sprained ankle he hitchhiked through four states, created two new alias’s, solved a missing persons case and discovered a new cave system under Gotham along the way.

Tim: Who would pay? My parents are dead? And even if they were alive, Drake Industries doesn’t pay ransoms.

Bruce: I’m??? Your legal guardian??? I pay ransoms?? You’ve seen me pay ransoms for your brothers??

Tim: . . .

Tim: oh.

[bearcosmic]

Spleen Recovery Part 1

Damian: Timothy, now that we have we officially have a truce and are ‘brothers’ in definition if not in essence, I have prepared a present for you. Happy Birthday

Tim: Thanks Dami, i’m sure i’ll love it.

Dick: *tearing up* I love seeing you guys get along. Open it up Tim!

Tim, opening the present: . . . Damian is this what I think it is

Damian: Yes, you are welcome.

Dick: Is that— is that an organ Dames?

Tim: . . .

Dick: Damian? What!? How did you—WHY did you, WTF?!?

Jason: No fucking way

Tim: *tears in his eyes* this is the sweetest present i’ve ever got in my life.

Damian: I hope this will serve as a symbol of the new leaf we have turned.

Dick: Wait is that TIMS SPLEEN

Jason: I can’t believe the decrepit bastard actually kept it preserved in a jar. Where did you find it?

Damian: On a small stool besides his throne.

Dick: . . . Tim why don’t you open up your next gift. and for the love of God please put that away.

Tim: Wait i’m gonna be right back, I’m gonna go show B!

5 Minutes Later

Bruce: DAMIAN. DAMIAN CAN I TALK TO YOU PLEASE