cw: none for now || mistrust, johnny being a flirt, ghost lowkey setting this up knowing the consequences, birthday trope
She hates when he leaves.
Ghost had been deployed for months before being allowed to return, and a mere two days later, he was called back to service. All Ghost had told her was “a while” when she'd asked how long he'd be gone this time; every time Ghost was deployed, they argued. She couldn't help herself- he was always gone for so long and it always hurt her, not because he was leaving due to his job, but because she'd be alone once more.
Previously, she'd told Ghost it was fine that he was deployed, that he'd be gone for extended periods of time, but over time it really started to bother her. Thus, leading to the current situation.
A knock sounded on the door of their apartment, and peeping through the hole, she saw a man standing there with flowers, chocolates, and a ridiculous mohawk. She debated on leaving him there and sneaking away from the door quietly, but her phone vibrated in her pocket, and a quick check proved it was Ghost.
‘Happy birthday, love’
She reluctantly unlocked the deadbolts and the extra locks on the door before slowly opening it, peering at the other man, on guard. “Can I help you?” she asked softly, fingers curling around the pepper spray hanging behind the door for situations such as these.
“Aye, lass,” came his deep, gravelly voice, as if he growled the words. “Ghost sent me. Said ya get lonely, and wanted to give ya a present for yer birthday.”
She narrowed her eyes a little, obviously not trusting this man. “I don't know who Ghost is,” she replied with practiced precision, well-trained by Ghost within the first few months of their relationship to lie when someone mentioned him or asked for him.
The man just huffed a laugh, nervous, shifting on his feet. “O'course ya do. Big scary bastard in the special forces. Simon Riley. Spooky fucker that wears a mask.”
Just then, before she could proceed to lie further, her phone started vibrating like crazy. Keeping an eye on the man at the door, she checked her phone- Ghost, naturally.
‘Let him in, dove’
‘It's just Johnny’
‘I sent him’
‘Baby, let him in, it's alright’
She heaved a sigh before pocketing her phone and shutting the door to fully unlock it, the chain removed from its slot, and reopening the door to ‘Johnny’. “Come in,” she sighed, placing her full trust in Ghost and turning her back to the Scottish man to start making herself and him a cup of coffee.
She can hear Johnny moving behind her, hyper-vigilant to his every move, tracking the sounds of his footsteps and even the way he breathed. Ghost had instilled this kind of panic, this kind of mistrust in her early on into their relationship, reinforcing it over the past few years. Hell, he praised her for it.
She listened as Johnny set the flowers on the kitchen counter behind her, as he set the chocolates beside it… and another item that she had no idea he even had. She only turned when coffee was in both mugs, making hers the way she liked it, offering it to Johnny black.
“So, bonnie… Ghost has a gift for you.”
“My name isn't Bonnie,” she grumbled, misunderstanding Johnny as she was a silly little American girl. She'd never even met someone from Scotland before.
Johnny only snickered and grinned, stepping aside to reveal the beautiful lilies on the counter, the petals a mix of a soft yellow, and yellow mixed with pink. Her absolute, literal favorite flowers. Either Johnny was a serial killer who was super lucky, or Ghost really did send him. She naturally gravitated closer to the flowers, hesitant, cautious, eyeing Johnny from the corner of her eye as her fingers brushed the stems, the soft petals.
She murmured a soft thanks to him as she turned to fetch a vase from one of the cabinets, rinsing out the dust, adding lukewarm water to the vase and mixing in the plant food that came with the pretty- beautiful- flowers. She didn't get flowers often, as they died quickly and Ghost was more of a material man, but she still absolutely adored getting flowers.
Turning with the vase in hand, she gingerly settled the flowers into it and set it in the middle of the dining table, looking extremely pleased.
“You've got more, lass,” Johnny gently reminded her, and she turned to be met with an honest-to-God box of her favorite chocolates, and a wrapped mystery gift. She furrowed her eyebrows a little, assessing the wrapped gift, running through whatever it could be. It was as long as her arm, and about as thick as it, too. It was quite big… big enough to be a bomb. Well, maybe not that extreme; Ghost did say he sent Johnny, so surely he must trust this man enough to not destroy her and their apartment.
Cautiously, like a stray dog being met with fresh food from a stranger, she began to open the gift. She was careful with the wrapping, as if it'd blow up if she went any quicker or less careless, and after a moment, the gift was revealed.
A really, really nice monitor, that came in the box with a pretty pink keyboard and mouse, and a… oh my God, a mini PC! Her lips parted in sheer surprise, letting her guard down slightly in glee and shock. Johnny simply grinned, as Ghost had told him why he was getting this specific thing for her.
“Holy shit,” she breathed, excitement at the levels of a kid on Christmas, but it was June. “Thank you, Johnny, thank you, holy fuck!” She grinned right back at him, her carefully constructed walls starting to crumble. She fished out her phone to text Ghost, thanking him profusely, to which he responded with a heart.
‘i'm giving you the sloppiest toppy when you come home for this’
All Ghost responded to that with was a thumbs up, which made her huff a laugh at how ancient he must be.
Johnny helped her set up the mini PC as well as the monitor, even installing Steam for her before awkwardly standing there as she immediately busies herself with downloading and buying games to play.
“Well, lass, I’ll leave you to it,” Johnny says after a minute, offering her a smile. “But before I go… here. Happy birthday, bonnie.”
She turns, confused, as Johnny sets a tiny wrapped box in her palm, carefully unwrapping it to find a beautiful bracelet. It had butterfly charms on it in pastel, Easter colors, which so happened to be her favorite. “How did you…?” she asked softly, in awe of the beautiful jewelry.
“Have a little birdie in my corner,” he teased, but it was true; she figures Ghost told him everything she likes to properly get her gifts, or to help ease her anxiety and fear of a stranger.
She doesn't think- which would get her killed if Johnny was a worse man than he is- before she gently wraps her arms around his waist in a brief, soft hug. Her perfume filled Johnny's nose, sticking to his shirt, and he'd immediately fall in love if this wasn't his best friend's girlfriend.
“Thank you, Johnny,” she murmured, immediately working on putting on the bracelet and failing. Johnny stepped in, deft fingers expertly clipping the bracelet onto her wrist, before pulling away.
“Aye, looks right bonnie on you,” he murmured, still in her space. Their faces were somewhat close, his eyes drifting from hers to her lips, then back to her eyes immediately as if he'd spook her. He did.
She took a little step back, flustered, frustrated with herself. So Ghost was gone for a month and she immediately gets hot and bothered around another man? She hates herself.
“I oughta be goin’, lass,” Johnny expertly suggested, picking up on her feelings and that he'd probably overstayed his purpose of being here. “It was nice to meet ya. I'm sure I'll be seein’ ya.” With a two-fingered salute, Johnny let himself out of the apartment, shutting the door behind him.
She scrambled to turn all of the deadbolts and locks on the door, safe once more… but not from her thoughts.
All she could think about was how guilty and angry she was, that she seriously considered kissing Johnny right then. How lonely was she that it was even an option in her head? Ghost would surely kill her. God, Ghost. Does this count as cheating, even if she didn't do anything? She was spiralling. God, she hates herself.
CW: you're sick (fever, high body temp), fluff, established relationship, smut (clit rubbing, unprotected p in v sex, premature ejaculation).
you're so hot (literally) that simon busts a nut
Masterlist 🦊
Your fever hasn’t gone down.
Despite you telling Simon that it’s okay, that it’s just seasonal flu and pretty much half of your colleagues have had it, that man can’t stop fussing.
On day two, you heard him grumble over the phone that he had to take some days off for family matters. And while it was cute to listen to him refer to you as family, this whole thing was an overreaction.
You had a cold and a mild fever; you weren’t on your deathbed.
But then he came into the bedroom straight after ending the call, holding a cuppa in one hand and your pills in the other. Left them on the nightstand before pressing his lips to your forehead to check if you were still warm—grumbled something about you heating up the room when he pulled back with a frown.
And then he helped you sit up, fluffed the pillow behind your head, and smoothed away the hair sticking to your forehead. Made sure you took your pills, made sure you were comfortable and cared for and—
—and oh, isn’t your heart melting into a puddle.
You decide that being sick can’t be that bad, when he makes it feels this good—even if you’re cranky and feverish.
And so, you start offering bright smiles when he presses cold, wet towels to your cheeks. Brush kisses on his knuckles when his palm comes to feel your forehead. Whisper thank yous when he insists you eat in bed, your bowl of soup carefully placed on a wooden bed tray.
And when he gets in bed at night, seemingly unafraid of catching your same bug, you press your back to his chest and fit in his arms. Simon’s already a walking furnace on his own, and your fever doesn't help with the uncomfortable stickiness that grows between your bodies through the night.
Simon doesn’t care, especially on day three, when you decide that a reward is on schedule. Poor man’s been at your beck and call ever since your early symptoms have appeared, so why not give him a reward of sorts.
You press your ass against his crotch, rolling slow circles that rouse him from his slumber.
Simon’s first instinct, however, is to stop you. A big hand flattens on your belly, fingers twitching to resist the urge to curve around your waist and grasp until he dimples the fat there.
A hum leaves him. “What are you doing?”
You nuzzle the pillow and act all innocent, even if he can’t see it in the pitch-dark room.
“Nothing,” you tell him. “Can't sleep. Feel a little restless, with the fever and all.”
“Restless,” he echoes with humour, already catching on. “Need me to wear you down?”
You turn your head until his nose bumps with your cheek. He presses a kiss there.
“Mmh,” you hum with a smile. “Maybe."
His hand rises slowly, and you’re delighted to feel the pads of his fingers reach your chest. He cups your breast through your shirt and thumbs your nipple, already pebbled and stiff.
Hard like his cock pressing against you.
Your skin is unbearably sensitive due to your fever, and the slightest touch could easily turn into stinging pain. That’s why as soon as he skims over your nipple your body goes haywire and you jolt, grinding the swell of your ass against him.
Simon presses forward, meeting your inadvertent movement.
There’s a moan coming from both sides. Yours is more cracked, a wonderful cocktail of relief and soreness—though you’re liking this more than you should, probably. You’re never one to say no to a bit of pain now, are you?
Simon, on the other hand… oh, Simon. His voice is low—gravel against the road. A groan that sounds like it’s coming from a dry throat, strikingly possessive when paired with the gentleness with which he’s holding you.
“Lemme take care of you then, yeah?” He whispers, leaning closer to your ear.
He tucks his arm under your neck, letting you nestle your cheek in the crook of his elbow. You’re sure he must be running hot too, but you’re sporting a whopping 100.4 body temperature, making his skin feel like an ice pack.
You sigh beautifully at the slight relief he provides.
Simon takes care of you first, like he's so kindly offered, and you don’t fight against him.
You don’t fight against his hand snaking under the waistband of your sweats. Don’t fight against the pads of his fingers drawing slow eights on your clit.
What you do instead is bury your face in his forearm, as he presses soft kisses to the exposed skin on your neck.
You get wet embarrassingly easily. He collects it with his middle finger before returning to the tight knot of your clit, circling gently—no rush whatsoever.
He checks in every once in a while, whispering soft questions to your skin as he explores it with his lips.
Are you okay?, and a kiss. You hurtin'?, and another kiss, right under your ear. He waits for you to reply each time, before finally giving in and nuzzling the nape of your neck through your hair.
He goes on, murmuring sweet nothings when you whine and he can’t pinpoint if it’s from pleasure or your body aches.
“That's it, love,” he whispers, coaxing moans from your lips as his fingers guide you closer and closer to the edge. Steadfast on your clit, he keeps a rhythm he knows will crack through you—break the mould of stiff muscles and sore skin.
Your orgasm catches the breath in your throat. It almost stings, burning through you in waves that stem from your sex and ripple in all directions.
Until your body undulates with it, pressing back into his. Until your voice follows suit too, cracking gently as you bite into the thickness of his forearm to keep quiet.
Simon’s panting against your shoulder like he came as well. It’s impossible not to notice the girth of his cock indenting the fat of your ass, how deliciously hard he is just because he’s touched you so thoroughly.
It gets you drunk on power to know how little it takes for you to do that to him.
His lips are pursed in a kiss ardently left to the crook of your neck. You feel the wetness of it, the heat seeping through your much hotter skin. His fingers slow down, until soft circles turn into mere flicks on your clit that gently drag your consciousness back into your body, back into his arms.
“Alrigh'?” He murmurs to the skin of your neck, as he huffs from his nose to balance his breathing.
“Mhmh,” you reply absentmindedly, still foggy and dipped in a dreamy state.
Gingerly, the hand buried in your knickers travels to your waist, leaving a wet trail that slowly dries up—from the curls on your pelvis all the way to your hip. He pinches you softly.
“Can I fuck you?” He asks.
In response, you press your ass to where he’s waiting for you.
“Yes, please—yes.” You say, not bothering to veil your willingness.
If your bones weren’t aching, you’d let him fold you like cheap paper. Knees to your ears and all.
Simon’s fingers tug down your pants and knickers at the same time, exposing the burning skin of your ass to the air. Even under the duvet and pressed against him, everything feels so unbelievably fresh—it’s utter relief that has you softening against his chest.
Relief that ratchets up when you feel the head of his cock glide seamlessly through your slit, causing you to grind your hips backwards each time it catches your swollen clit.
His tongue lavishes the skin of your neck, distracting you from the pleasurable pain of the stretch as he comfortably slides in. You feel your muscles tighten around him, as your nails dig into his arm wrapped around your waist.
But Simon’s the one who seems most out of his element, for once.
“Jesus fucking Christ, love.” He breathes heavily to your shoulders. His voice doesn’t even sound like him.
The hand around your waist grabs a handful of your clothes, fabric bulging within the grooves of his fingers, while the one extended under your neck fists the pillow until his knuckles paint white.
“F-fuck—you’re burnin’ up.” He croaks, burying his face against the back of your head. “Bloody hell—fuckin’ melting me down ‘ere.”
He tries to move but his voice cracks in a moan before he stops completely. More muted curses leave him.
“Fuckin’ hell you feel good.” He pants, voice so breathy you can barely hear him, and you wonder if he’s talking to you at all. “S’ so fuckin’ hot.”
He stays stock still inside of you, hips flush to your ass.
But you’re as cheeky as they come, and he should know that already.
Which is why you move, canting your hips until you can feel him slide out of you, and then back in.
“Fuck, no—sto—"
Simon grunts. Chokes on it.
One flick of your ass has him unravel. He cums inside of you with a quick snap of his hips to meet yours, and the slap of flesh against flesh would be loud if it weren’t for how strong his groan is.
For how much he’s filling you up, buried to the hilt until you swear you can almost feel him throbbing in your stomach.
Simon hides in the crook of your neck, holding on tight with a stiff arm curled around your belly. You can feel his heartbeat thunder against yours, as if merging together—erratic and unsteady.
It takes him a while to recover, to catch his breath. You coax him out of his bubble gently, threading your fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp until you feel him deflate behind you with a sigh.
“Bit of a cunt move, that.” He mumbles, but there’s no bite in his voice.
You smile. Somehow the aches in your body soften up, and you feel like floating on a cloud.
“Well, I'd say you didn't mind much,” you say innocently.
He snorts.
A hand lands blindly on your face, and he gives it a good scramble until you’re chuckling in his palm. You easily recognize that as his way to sneakily check for your temperature, while masking it as a playful jab.
“Sorry,” you feel compelled to say, though your voice is muffled by his hand.
And then he nuzzles your shoulder, planting a fat kiss on your neck.
“S’alrigh’,” he says softly. “Saved us from a third-degree burn, after all. Gotta thank you for tha'."
You burst into a laugh that he catches with his mouth—his fingers already curled around your jaw, turning your head his way before you can utter another word.
Your laughter seeps through your lips onto his, vibrating until his cheeks curl into a smile of his own.
Infectious, like your stupid flu.
Because the next morning, Simon wakes up with a terrible sore throat, though he doesn’t feel as annoyed as he thought he'd be.
In fact, he decides being sick can't be that bad, when you make it feel this good.
Even if now you're both cranky, feverish, and all.
Summary: You do your best to heal, while Simon follows his own path—until life, in its strange way, brings you back together, with Simon stepping right back in.
18+
CW: fluff, banter, smut (fingering, p in v, car sex). you go on a bad date and simon saves you from it. he's a bit of a cunt but like in a good way.
I said I'd update on Sunday but you're getting it on Saturday!!! Though it's Sunday on this part of the globe, so...
Masterlist 🦊 | Series Masterlist 🦊
"If they ever give ya any grief, you know who to call."
Simon's words have never echoed so fiercely in your head as they do now.
The dress is uncomfortable. The shoes are uncomfortable. The air… is uncomfortable.
The dinner isn’t even that great. Or—well, it is. The restaurant has its perks: the wine is a deep red Shiraz, dry and with that slight bitter aftertaste that just enough balances the salt of your fillet mignon. Rare. Side baked potatoes with a crisp crust that still sizzles with warm olive oil.
It looks great.
Would taste great too, you reckon. Thing is, you’ve been playing with your food ever since the waiter brought it to the table.
You don’t think you’ve spoken a single word, if not your name, ever since you sat down. Mouth latched onto that crystal wine glass that could never be too full.
Fuck dating.
He looked oh, so nice leaning against the bar counter last week.
Leather jacket and a tight-fitting black t-shirt underneath, a softer tummy of a man who likes to train and eat. Big arms, broad shoulders. Thighs looked awfully soft in those blue jeans.
Mediterranean features. A strong nose, high cheekbones. Perhaps Italian origins, you thought, or maybe Spain? Greece?
Olive skin and thick brown curls, messy in that calculated way that only pretends to be tousled. You call it the sex hair. But it’s fake, so it would be like—the fake sex hair.
You love the fake sex hair. Or maybe you don’t. But on him, it looks unbelievably nice.
His eyes have this hazelnut hue, mottled with gold and green speckles. Long, thick lashes, dark like his hair.
Fuck, he looks like a Greek god.
And when he winked at you from the other side of the pub, lifting his glass of whatever he was drinking your way, you thought yourself so very fortunate.
Small blessings.
If only you’d known where those plump lips and feline brown eyes would lead you.
The entrée was accompanied by his favourite way to clean the leather of his sofa. Then he switched the topic to hair gel, because somehow the same company that makes the polish for his stupid couch also makes his stupid hair gel.
And now he’s telling you how much he benches. You should’ve known, to be honest, that somehow the chat would’ve swerved to his herculean strength and raw masculinity.
He oozes testosterone from every pore, reeks of pheromones, and—judging by his character—you wouldn’t rule out the possibility that he’s splurged on one of those dodgy "scientific" perfumes supposedly designed to make women swoon at his feet.
He’s saying how you’d never have to fear a thing if he was in the house, since you’d have him by your side. The urge to roll your eyes is incommensurable: you hide behind your wine glass, taking a generous gulp of Shiraz that’s drying out your tongue.
He’s eating with his mouth open. Chewing loudly. Loud enough to give you PTSD. Fucking hell, why do the handsome ones always have to act like they never set foot outside the house?
He has a pittie, he says.
Your ears perk.
Okay, pitties are nice. Lovely dogs with their big, smiling mouths always drooling for cuddles. You find their awkward stance tenderly charming—wide front legs and wagging tail. Plus, him having a dog means he can take care of fragile things, that he can be sweet and nice and reliable.
It’s a boy.
You smile.
He says he’s trained him to fight. Defend the household and whatnot.
It falters.
Says you could take him for a run if you fancy it. That he would give you (and he makes those awful hand quotations with his fingers) “scary dog privileges.”
You drink.
Scary dog privileges. You’re fighting a scoff so loud the sous chef would hear it from the kitchens.
You have SAS training privileges.
You have gun privileges.
You have scary dog privileges. You are the scary dog.
One glance at his neck, another at the table, and you've already calculated ten different ways to end his life in under a minute—one of which involves a thumbtack pinning the fake flowers to the polyester cube in the centrepiece vase.
You imperceptibly shiver. Shake your thoughts away.
He’s still rambling about his dog and his gym sessions and how he goes for runs every morning, every night, every moment of the bleeding day. Does he work? Have hobbies that don’t include a pissing contest with other men at the gym? Fuck’s sake, that thumbtack is starting to look incredibly inviting—
“So what do you do?” You blurt out.
It comes out so awkwardly that you can only fix it with a nervous laugh. One of those that make you look cute and shy, not weird and spacey.
He seems startled by it. Follows up with an awkward laugh of his own. Ugh. Okay, it’s okay. Maybe he’s nervous too. That can be cute.
“I’m military.”
You blink.
Oh.
Unexpected.
You hadn’t considered that. Granted, he has the stance, the body. He keeps his neck taut and straight, which is something you recognise you do yourself: hard to shake off habits from early training in Pirbright.
Truthfully, you had excluded partners from your same field of work. Didn’t go particularly smoothly last time you tried.
You’d like to come home to normalcy and averageness and homecooked meals and that dog he’s going on and on about, not to more military-related drama and paperwork scattered on the kitchen table.
But this can be nice, you muse.
Maybe straying from the plan you’ve laid out for your date could lead to some unexpected surprises. Maybe you could find a common ground, some shared experiences to discuss.
Anything to divert the topic from how he removes stains from his carpeted floors.
You straighten your spine, smoothing down the creases of your dress even if they’re hidden under the tablecloth.
With your elbow resting on the table, you subtly press your arms together, accentuating your neckline. You tilt your head slightly, chin nestled in your palm and lashes fluttering away.
He sports a smug smile, perhaps recognising the reaction his job must have sparked in many more women before you.
You let it slide.
“What branch?” You ask, trying to sound as naïve as you can.
Men in the military often have great success when it comes to dating. Women in the military, not so much—something about them being stronger than their male counterparts in a relationship seems to unsettle their egos, unchub their cocks.
Which is why you’re pretending you know shite about the topic—you’re just there to look pretty, for now.
“Oh, well,” his voice drops down an octave, and he leans a little closer to the table. The front of his crisp white shirt dips into the sauce covering his pasta.
You try not to stare at the oil stain too much.
He reaches out with his hand, toying with a ring on your finger. Looks around like he’s making sure no one else is listening, and then he smiles at you knowingly.
“It’s classified.”
Oh for fuck’s sake.
Alright, this date is botched. Tits up. Fuck him and his beautiful eyes and perfect bone structure. He could have been the love of your life. You would’ve made perfectly beautiful babies with beautiful Mediterranean genes.
You feign surprise. You feign interest.
The least you can do is have fun.
“Oh really?” You open your mouth in a shocked oval. “And—and what is it that you do?”
He leans back in his chair, self-assured. Charming smile. Know-it-all attitude.
“You know,” he shrugs, like it’s something so common and nonchalant. “Missions, deployments. All secret, though. Can’t share, unfortunately.”
He gives you a wink.
“Not even with a pretty girl like you.”
Yuck. Ew. Ugh.
You giggle, crystalline and shy, fingers to your mouth and all.
“Are you like—” You bite your lip, “—like James Bond?”
His chuckle is low, like he wants to show how much of that testosterone is actually brewing in his balls.
“Of sorts.”
“Wow.” You say breathily. “It must be dangerous.”
“It is,” he replies, cocking a confident brow. “Not a thing for girls like you.”
Dickhead.
You smile. Taut. Someone else would’ve noticed how strained it is. Not him though, no. Too self-absorbed to catch onto it. Wouldn’t see how obvious he’s being if it slapped him in the face.
“Hear me out,” he says after a while. “One minute bathroom break, and then I’ll tell you what you want to know, yeah?”
Which is nothing, but you nod anyway.
“Or, well—” he adds, standing up and setting the napkin on the table. “—What I can tell you.”
With a wink, he leaves for the loo.
You deflate. Rub your fingers on your forehead because that man just gave you a migraine.
You pluck your phone from your handbag and thumb through the screen to contact backup.
You think of Johnny, but you two bicker too much, and the possibility of him shooting back with one of your misfortunes is impossibly high. You’d like to keep your failing dates as quiet as possible.
Kyle would be the perfect choice, but he’s not nearby—a trip to somewhere warmer with his partner now that he’s on leave.
Price is not even an option. Who would call their boss to give them a lift out of a bad date?
Which leaves Simon. You know you have to call Simon, as much as you don’t want him to witness the absolute devastation that is your current love life. Granted, you know he would help without a peep—but still, there’s that bit of pride left untouched by the ruin that’s been your "relationship" that you’d like to keep intact.
But grief’s been given. Plenty of it. And, as he said, you know who to call.
With a surrendering sigh, you stuff your pride in a pocket and zip it shut.
As soon as your text goes through, you can’t even blink that three dots are already dancing at his corner of the screen.
Your eyes roll so far back you take a peek at your brain.
The sarcasm is so tangible you almost taste it on your tongue.
Hopefully your reply will manage to convey the urgency of your tone. The absolute sizzling hatred in your eyes.
And then you wait for Mr. Classified to come back from the loo while eating a baked potato or two, even if now they’re awfully cold. Still crunchy and wonderful, though. The restaurant is stellar; it's a shame to have wasted the opportunity with such a painfully obnoxious sod.
When he comes back, he sits all grand at the table. He fixed his hair, you notice. Tried to clean the oil stain on his shirt and only managed to enlarge it—you can tell even if he’s buttoned up his dress jacket.
He tells you he’s a captain.
Yeah. Sure. Go big or go home, mh?
Recounts very generic war stories, one of which really does sound like the plot of a videogame you played with Kyle.
Your back’s to the door, so when he stumbles on his words and his eyes go wide out of the blue, you have no clue what’s got him so rattled.
That is, until you turn and look over your shoulder.
The biggest bloke’s standing at the entrance, seemingly instructing one of the waiters, who looks like he’s lost a few years off his life from how pale he’s gone.
Man dressed in black, helmet with night goggles on.
Show off.
The full shebang: tac vest layered above the bulletproof one, M4 hanging low on his front with clasps, a gun holstered on his hip. The radio pokes from one of the front pockets on his chest.
He has the goddamn skull mask on, for fuck’s sake.
Your eyes widen briefly, and then you fight tooth and nail to stifle a laugh. You wonder what Mr. “I’m military but it’s classified” thinks about “people actually in the classified part of the military”.
You turn to him. Man is shell-shocked.
You snort.
Simon points at you, and the waiter nods vigorously before scurrying over to your table.
He leans down to your level, cheeks so red they look purple, sweat on his forehead, huffing and puffing like he’s run a marathon.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry to interrupt, but—” A heaving breath through his stutter. “Your presence seems to be required at-at-at the Hereford SAS headquarters.”
He lowers his voice, then. “Something about the p-passing of an officer, uhm—your husband.”
You choke. Slam a hand on your chest. Mr. Classified seems concerned and has his hands hovering your way but never touching you in the slightest.
Helpful.
“The what?” You hiss, looking behind you at Simon with straight-up murder in your eyes.
The mask hides it, but you know he’s got the biggest smirk plastered on his face.
“You’re married?” Mr. Classified asks. Fuck him too.
“No.” You bark but then realise that it’s not his fault if your lieutenant is a bastard. Gingerly, you clear your throat and add more softly. “Not… anymore.”
Gotta fake it if you want to get out of here.
You sigh.
The waiter stands there awkwardly as you apologise to your date for not telling him about your non-existent dead husband. You stand up from the table, pretending heartache, while the waiter hovers around you and right in your business.
When you feel him too much into your space, you blink at him, plastering on a polite smile.
“Yes?”
He’s sweating profusely. The Ghost effect.
“The-the soldier, there—" he gives a subtle nod to where Simon stands. “—said I have to escort you b-because you’re a suspect.”
The appalled look on your face must be a sight to swear by.
You glare at Simon.
He shifts his weight on his other foot, arms crossed in front of his chest. Smug, like he’s having the time of his life.
“Yes.” You reply with a sigh, “Please, escort me.”
You don’t bother turning around to face Mr. Classified. He must be wearing the same shock the waiter is sporting. After all, in his eyes, hasn’t he just shared a dinner with a murder suspect?
What a tale to share.
“Thank you, sir.” Simon tells the waiter when you both reach him, deep baritone heavy yet gentle.
He grabs you by the crook of your elbow.
“Gonna bring this one to justice.” He adds theatrically.
The waiter nods like his head might crack in half if he doesn’t.
“Thank you, sir.” He parrots, “Thank you for your service.”
At the statement, used and abused without any regard for its meaning, you scoff in his face.
Simon tugs you by your arm, and your heels scrape against the floor.
Finally, you find your footing and follow him out.
Simon came to pick you up in a fucking Humvee.
He said it was in case the restaurant had those big windows that look out on the streets, so he could make an even bigger scene. All because you interrupted him while he watched the man u match even if they were painfully losing, he said.
When you asked him where the fuck did he get it since he should’ve been home on R&R and not at base, he told you that he had an IOU to cash in with one of the higher-ranking officers.
Baffling, to say the least, that he’s used it to embarrass you.
Yet not something you would put past him.
Still, though, as soon as you enter the car and he starts shedding layers of tac gear, mask included, the first thing he asks isif you’re alright.
You nod with a soft smile.
“McDonald’s?” He asks, then.
You cock a brow.
“I just had dinner.”
The engine rumbles as he turns the key in the ignition.
“No ya haven’t.”
He drags the shift stick back and puts the car in reverse. His hand comes to grasp the back of your seat as he looks to the rear window.
It takes a whole lot of resolve to not gawk at the way the tendons in his forearm tighten and bulge. You manage.
Thank fuck he can’t check if you’re salivating, because you are.
Because this car smells of him. It shouldn’t, because it isn’t his car. It’s a military vehicle, a big fat Hummer with enough space to host a task force, and from what you know someone else might have been using it all day before he got the keys.
And still, his scent invades it, dominates it, and you realize how much you’ve missed it. Missed waking up to it, missed having it stain your clothes, sometimes your uniform too. Memories flood, and something in your chest clenches.
Control yourself, for fuck's sake.
You turn your eyes away from him.
“How d’you know?”
He shifts into first as he finally leaves the car park. He shoots you a brief side glance, before returning his eyes on the road.
“Clocked your plate full even from afar,” he says plainly. “Bloke talked that much, uh?”
“You got no idea.” You sigh, exhausted. “Told me he’s military and then pulled the classified card.”
His lips twitch, and then his chest rumbles in a low, low chuckle you haven’t heard in a while.
You laugh with him.
Simon takes you to a drive-through. He orders what he knows you like, because this definitely isn’t the first time you two sneak out in the middle of the night only to eat something that isn’t the slob from the mess hall.
He drives a little further to find that nice parking spot next to the motorway. Once again, not the first time you’ve been here.
Sometimes with Johnny in the back and Kyle smoking a ciggie by the car window—couldn’t have the Humvee smell of nicotine and stale cigarettes when you’d return it (not so) surreptitiously later on.
Sometimes just the two of you, when new soldiers moved in the neighbouring barracks and Simon wanted you to scream without the pressure of being found out.
You punch the straw in your Coke and bring it to your lips. The carton box of chips is precariously balanced on your bare thighs.
Simon’s already munching on his burger.
“Thank you, by the way,” you break the comfortable silence first.
He shrugs.
“He was a right pain,” you go on. “Kept going on about—”
“—His dog, how much he benches, his hair care routine.”
You choke on your coke and then your head swivels to him.
“Okay—were you spying on me?”
He levels you with a deadpan look.
“Bloke like that’s only got one type o’ chat,” he explains, “And it’s all ‘bout him. You should’ve known, eh?”
He flicks your temple. You splutter.
“What?” He nods in your direction, swallowing a mouthful. “Went on leave an’ lost all those brains?”
You swat his hand away.
“Shut up.” You grumble, feeling your cheeks heat up.
He mercifully lets it go and returns his attention to his meal.
Even a burger that big looks awfully small in Simon’s hands. You used to look small in Simon’s hands, somehow—skin pliant and soft. Dimpling under his fingertips, folding easily with just the press of his big palm in his desired direction.
Same hands that used to hold you still by the waist, hands that handled you until you’d turn into putty on the mattress. Fingers long and skilled when they curled around your neck, cutting your airways just enough to make your head spin. Fingers that you’ve had all over: in your hair, on your stomach, down your throat, in your cunt.
Fuck.
Some ketchup spills out of his burger and onto his thumb. He brings it to his lips and purses them on his pad to suck it off.
Fuckfuckfuck.
You turn away and stuff your mouth with chips.
“How’d you find him anyway?” He asks after a while. “Apps?”
You balance your cup on the large center console as you shake your head in negative. Your response comes muffled by a mouthful of food.
“Pub down the road,” you tell him, gesturing vaguely at the windshield. “The one close to HQ.”
“The Bell?”
You swallow. Nod your head. “Mhmh.”
“Should’ve known.” He muses, and you hear him scrunching up the paper that once held his burger. “Proper dive, that. Full o’ fucked up blokes.”
You roll your eyes.
“You’re an avid frequenter,” you say, mouth full and eyes averted to your cardboard of chips.
He doesn’t snort, nor does he laugh it off. Instead, you can only hear the rapid tap of fingernails on the leather of the wheel filling the suddenly heavy silence that settled.
“No’ anymore.” He replies after a beat.
The tone doesn’t match the flippant vibe heard in the Humvee until now. He’s serious and levelled, like he’s stating some important matter he needs to unhook from his chest.
You swallow your chips like they’re cement.
“And why’s that?” You venture.
Simon shifts uncomfortably in the driver’s seat. The leather squeaks, his jeans rustle where his thighs rub together.
“Don’t fit with the crowd is all.” He says quietly.
“What crowd?”
“The fucked up one.”
When you turn his way, you still.
Simon’s eyes are already on you.
His gaze is tangible. Sticks to you like damp fabric. You can almost feel his fingers draw mindless circles there, where your skin is heating up under the heaviness of his eyes.
Whatever reply you had ready for him dies choked in your throat.
Your shoulders are stiff, your body’s too warm. Tongue like sandpaper stuck to your palate.
It’s been so long since Simon looked at you like he truly wanted you—like nothing else in the world mattered more.
For months, his eyes have wandered everywhere but to you, and until now, you thought that was a blessing. Because if he didn’t look at you this way, maybe letting him go would’ve been easier.
But now, as his eyes hold yours, you can’t fathom how you’ve managed to go so long without it.
You match his intensity, as the air in the Humvee grows heavy and thick. Cement is poured into your chest until you’re not sure how to breathe right anymore.
“Not fucked anymore, you think?” Your voice is raspy and feeble, like there’s something tying your vocal cords in a perfect knot.
You know he can’t affirm anything in that regard. Lord knows he’s fucked, and you can’t even add your two cents about it because you’d act like the pot calling the kettle black.
And yet, he replies softly. “Not as fucked, I reckon, no.”
Your brows pinch. Eyes big and languid, searching his—rich, hooded, sincere.
“And you?” He rumbles, hesitant for the first time.
You blink.
“Me?” You mouth with your lips, voice stuck somewhere in your chest.
He nods your way. “Still an avid frequenter o’ the fucked-up crowd?”
You blink. A laugh breathes out of you without you even considering it first.
Almost naturally, you reply with a whispered, “No. Not as avid, I think.”
Simon’s lips twitch upward, and then his hand lifts your way, though never reaches out enough to touch you. He lets it hover in the space in between, fingers soft and curled inwards.
It trembles. Terrible characteristic for a sniper. In fact, you don’t think you’ve ever seen it happen to him. Always steady, always sure.
Your eyes fall on it. On the scars crisscrossing his knuckles, on the callouses of his pads and the raw spot on his thumb.
When you look up again, Simon’s eyes are a pool, open wide and waiting for you to just dive in it.
He says your name. Not your rank, callsign, bullshit loves, and pets, and the pretty ensemble. He says it low, heavy, like his tongue is a cinderblock and it’s so, so hard for him to speak it.
It’s almost a warning, you think. Your brain ponders it: the tone, the lilt, the volume. All of it, and you conclude that you are, in fact, wrong.
It’s no warning, no threat. It’s a plea.
Your eyes fall instinctively down the curve of his nose, to his lips. Lips you’ve kissed, lips that travelled every inch of your skin. Drank every sound you’ve ever spilled. Worshipped it, made it his. Coveted it carefully, in secret, until you noticed how those same breaths, those same noises, never left your mouth again, not after him.
Lost in his features, you don’t see how his eyes are focused on your lips as well.
And when you look up, he does too.
Something’s exchanged between you. Something written in the line between his brows as he frowns in concentration, in the tremble of your lips as they struggle to form words, requests, the barrage of questions you want to ask.
The mutual, soft, and barely veiled Please, please kiss me again.
His jaw shifts.
"Just say the word."
You gulp—fruitless. Your throat is dry, your lips unresponsive. Cursing yourself for not being ready now that you need it. Struggling to express the absolute beast that's scratching something violent in your chest.
You barely manage to break through it.
"Kiss me."
You blink and Simon’s lips are on yours.
Your stomach drops. You don’t think you can breathe.
He takes the lead when you go motionless, cupping the back of your head with both hands to pull you in. Your fingers grasp his forearms, flexing around them to make sure he’s real.
Only when your mouth opens and the kiss deepens do you unravel.
You melt in his hold, closing your eyes all the way and breathing heavily from your nose, because you’re not parting from him ever again.
Simon might think the same, because the passion with which you kiss him is thoroughly matched. His arms wrap around your waist, and you don’t spare a moment to turn on the passenger seat until you’re on your knees.
Chips spill everywhere on the floor. None of you care.
He helps you across the centre console until you’re straddling his thighs. Your knee knocks over the cup and coke spills everywhere.
And fuck, none of you care.
Humvees are big but never big enough for this. Granted, it’s not the purpose for which they were created. You hunch down when your head hits the padded roof, holding him by the sides of his face until he tips it back.
You taste his breath as it puffs on your mouth while he kisses you fiercely.
Simon pulls back. Cradles your face in his hands and his fingers dig into your scalp at the back.
“Fuckin’ hell,” he growls. Low, and breathy, and with that hint of disbelief that matches the one in your eyes. He brushes your cheeks with his thumbs, and you do the same.
He lunges forward, then. Captures your mouth briefly before travelling downwards, where open kisses make goosebumps rise on your arms. Big hands envelop your hips as he pulls you down, grinding you against the hard tent of his jeans.
And you comply, humping your sex—impossibly wet—to the seam covering the zipper.
He grunts in your neck each time your cunt drags across his. The sound makes you vibrate, a strange sort of power in the knowledge that he’s making it because of you, and you only.
The world moves slowly around you, like it wants the night to last hours and hours more. A small favour in exchange for what you do for it, keeping it clean and all the rubbish you’re told so you can live peacefully with your actions.
Perhaps tonight you believe them all.
You don’t think you’ve ever been this vocal with him, and it’s not even theatrics.
You just love it.
It’s overwhelming to have him hold you again, touch you, eat at your skin with the same intense desperation you’re gripping his hair with. Pressing his face into your neck as he sucks at the spot where it meets your shoulder, thundering heartbeat under his tongue. Darker spots blossom shameless in his wake, drawing a perfect mosaic of colours you’ll trace with your fingers come morning.
When Simon feels your hips do the work by themselves, he busies his hands with your dress. Rides it up your thighs until it bunches at your waist. Kneads the fat of your ass, landing a slap that makes you jolt.
Makes you moan.
And Simon drinks it just in time, swallowing it with a kiss that takes your breath away. Then, he rapidly travels down your throat, following the line of love bites all the way to your chest.
His teeth sink into the softer flesh there. Long fingers pull down the neckline of your dress until your tits spill out. He mouths a path to your nipple, sucking until it pebbles on his tongue. His teeth graze around it and you hiss at the perfect balance of pain and pleasure it creates.
And when his free hand comes to pinch at your other nipple, he pulls a little too hard.
You clench a fist in his hair and look down at him, hips falling still.
“Oi.” You frown.
His chest heaves. Yours matches the pants that leave your lips.
He wrinkles his nose, in that how dare you stop me way. But this time there’s something impish in there, like he knows what he’s doing and just likes to pull your chain. Lighthearted in a way you never dared to associate with Simon Riley.
How beautiful he looks with this new light bathing his eyes.
“What.”
You scoff. Your heart goes through several different stages of frustration, exasperation, anger, tenderness and love. Familiarity. Settling on the latter, until you recognize the glint in his eyes, the same one he had all those months back, when he was on his knees.
Lust, care, love, regret.
“Gentle.” You tell him as your chest softens, your voice still mockingly altered. “You’re not tuning the bloody radio.”
“Ha!” His lips twitch upward. “Coulda fooled me.”
Simon pinches your nipple in retaliation, but it makes you chuckle this time. When he’s sure you’re okay, he pulls your lips down in a kiss that’s starting to taste of you, and you like how the salt of your skin seems to belong so naturally on his tongue.
You kiss him through your smile as the air turns hot again. The windows slowly grow misty and opaque, creating a space around you that’s soft and insulated and safe.
Simon splays his palm on your stomach. Turns it so his fingers face downward. He inches closer to your sex, grazing the lace of your underwear, until the pad of his middle finger presses to the wet spot formed on the gusset.
There, he stops. Waits for you.
No need for words. You don’t want his lips to leave yours and you don’t fancy taking the risk of pulling away.
In fact, there’s little hesitation when your hand journeys down his shoulder to his forearm, tracing the hair growing over it and the odd bump of a scar here and there. You travel until your palm cups his knuckles, your middle finger over his, pressing it down to the swollen knot of your clit.
Simon draws a few experimental rolls, ones you encourage with the movement of your hips, with the puffs of breath all but pushed out of you and into the kiss.
A kiss he reciprocates, open and hot.
Moving your panties aside, Simon only brushes your entrance at first, finding it sodden already. And when you more than enthusiastically respond to his touch, he plunges his finger inside.
Your breath itches, eyes fluttering shut, mouth open against his own.
Simon drags his finger slowly, in and out, not teasingly but to let you adjust, to allow you to mould around his shape. And he does so until he feels you positively drip on his palm, softer around him yet clenching at the welcomed intrusion.
He adds a second finger. The stretch is delicious, fulfilling. Scratches an itch you couldn’t quite reach on your own, nor could the scattered toys you’ve bought and abandoned.
It’s a touch you’re comfortable with, one you know and can predict but not in a way that makes it boring. You just know he’ll feed the starvation, satisfy the drought.
He buries his fingers to the knuckle, until his palm is flat to your sex, heel pressing to your clit. Simon rolls it a few times and then lets you take the lead, keeping his hand still.
You ride his fingers by canting your hips in the way you like, stimulating both your g-spot and your clit. Simon keeps your mouth on his with a hand of steel glued to the back of your neck—unnecessary, because you have no intention of pulling away.
The first orgasm makes your head spin—you haven’t had a good one like this in quite some time. It coils around your stomach until it's knotted so tight you have no other option but to groan in his mouth to release the tension it built.
Simon’s fingers flex both at your nape and inside of you, pulling you impossibly closer, noses slotting next to each other. He breathes just as heavily as you do, as if your orgasm has somehow rattled him as well.
There are no formalities in the way he moves, in the way he leaves your still clenching cunt empty—wet fingers reaching for his belt, unbuckling in haste.
The sound of clinking metal manages to pass through the cotton barrier in your ears. It wakes you, prickles your skin that’s already burning hot.
You help him. Yours and his fingers try to work together but somehow make it harder to achieve the same goal. You chuckle when you both reach for the zipper and he playfully swats your hand away, taking the lead instead.
You feel him twitch a smile against your kiss.
He untucks himself from his briefs. The urge to look down is impossible to resist and so you do, catching the glint on the head of his cock as it leaks with precum, wetter than you’ve ever seen him be.
Your stomach tightens. Now that's a mouthwatering sight that never ceases to amaze you.
Simon pats your ass as an invite to scoot forward. He languidly drags the tip along your slit to collect some of your wetness. You jolt each time he catches your swollen clit.
When he lines himself with your entrance, you start sinking on him—nails digging into the cotton of his sweatshirt on his shoulders.
Simon stretches you wonderfully. He would slide in easily considering the way you’re dripping—it’s you who wants to take it slow in order to catch each muted reaction with ears and eyes, lips brushing his own.
And then you envelop him fully, taking his cock to the hilt.
“Fuck.” He croaks, and falls still.
The hand on your hip grips it painfully tight. The one on your nape locks your forehead to his. His breath comes out in heavy puffs, eyes wrenched closed.
Simon looks very vulnerable now. Much at your mercy. He doesn’t want you to move, clearly, and has full trust you won’t. For him. Maybe for you too, otherwise this will end much sooner than you both want it to.
But still, you brush the tip of your nose with his. He opens his eyes, iris swallowed whole.
“Alright?” You ask quietly.
He brushes his nose back with yours.
“Alrigh’,” he rumbles. “Been a while is all.”
You purse your lips in a wry smile.
“Has it now.”
He hums, narrowing his eyes. “Didn’t fancy goin’ ‘round breakin’ any more hearts.”
“How considerate, lieutenant.”
“Aye, that’s me.”
“Not quite.”
He pinches the fat on your hip.
“Cheeky,” he says, watching your eyes smile.
You scrunch your nose, shaking your head from side to side.
“Eh, you love it.”
And he takes you off guard.
“I do," he says firmly, like that's some fundamental truth.
His hand moves to your cheek, thumb right under your eye brushing softly where the skin is thinner.
You like having him like this, with his face to yours, his lips within reach. It’s a strange thing, not having to turn your head around to reach for a sliver of skin to press a kiss to. Not having to find cotton instead of warm flesh, instead of soft lips.
You feel like you can, now—take the chance without finding a door being shut in your face.
In fact, your lips find his naturally, and he responds like it’s easy, like it’s something you do every time.
He kisses you slowly as his hand descends down your back to grab your hip. Then, he guides you, initiating the movements, and you follow through.
It begins gently, with your breaths in sync, lips just close enough for either of you to share a kiss if the moment feels right. Your hands cradle the slopes of his neck, his own fit in the crease between your hips and thighs.
It’s very quiet, you think, unlike the grunts and groans of the previous times. Now there's only Simon’s pants, your own efforts to keep your voice low, breathy moans occasionally interrupted by the smacking of lips.
And then he fits his palms under the round fat of your rear, lifting you up and then guiding you down at once. Your voice cracks, shattered into broken moans that Simon matches with his own.
Suddenly, you both want more. You feel it in the grip he has on your ass, in the hungry shadows of his eyes. You feel it in yourself, the heat pooling lower and lower, starving hands clutching the hair at his nape.
You prop yourself on your knees, as comfortably as you can, and start riding Simon even if your hamstrings are aching, thighs clenched and hard to the touch.
You go on and on, one hand perched on the padded roof and the other flat on the car window, mist disappearing in the shape of dragged fingers and scratching nails.
Warm pleasure collects in your belly. So hot it drips all the way to your toes, curling in your black heels clasped around your ankles. Your pace starts getting frantic, almost clumsy in the desperation to reach that high again, expecting it to be much better than the previous one since now Simon is fully sheathed inside of you.
You hold his eyes as the air catches in your chest and you fall silent. Breaths clipped and choked, like moans that you can’t articulate. Throat tight, tight, and tighter.
Simon seems to notice the signs, attentive as ever, and he dips three fingers in his mouth before bringing them to your clit. He swipes side to side with the same urgency of your hips, clit pebbled and raw soothed by the warm smoothness of his spit.
You cum hard. It’s a wave that almost crushes you against him, so hot you feel like suffocating. Your body collapses on him, as you pant loud and shrill into the curve of his neck. Simon’s cock is buried all the way in, while your tired hips twitch helplessly to both prolong your high and escape it.
And so, Simon takes it upon himself. Lifts you up and drops you down until you’re whimpering in his shoulder, teeth sinking in the taut muscles of his traps and nails digging into his back.
By then, Simon’s hanging on by thread and you know it even in your fucked-out state.
When the overstimulation hits and a rough string of curses leaves your lips right into his ear, Simon snaps.
With a grunt that rattles your chest, he pulls you down until he’s flush with you, and you swear you can feel him in your throat. His hips hump upwards as if that might somehow drive him deeper, and then he fills you with warmth, hot and liquid. Inevitably, it spills out, dripping thick down his thighs and onto the car seats.
Simon holds you like that, catching his breath as you catch yours.
He peppers your shoulder with kisses. Big hands clutch the back of your dress as it dampens with your sweat until his arms finally wrap you whole—so tight your breath leaves you in a gasp.
“Missed you,” he says, breathing your name reverently.
And why on earth should you not believe him, this time—with his face in your neck, his heart on his sleeve.
You lift your head to kiss his cheek. The cracks in your lips sting as they unexpectedly meet fine tracks of salt water.
The pained hunger of a man who never allowed himself a good thing.
drabble, sexual content, only mentions of, not edited or betaed
It was deep within him, the craving, the urges. The sweat stuck to him as he untangled himself from his cotton sheets, kicking them to the end of the bed where they slid off leaving him bare.
Pressing and rubbing his palms into his eyes, he willed away the ache between his legs. It had been a couple of years now and still memories plagued him.
Quiet mornings, peaceful nights alone, even when focused on a sniper scope they come. Overtaking him with feelings that he can’t physically grasp anymore.
In the beginning, he ignored them, telling himself that the aching want was just because he had so recently held you in his arms. That his body remembered what it was like to feel pleasure.
As time went on he fought his mind against his body, knowing that he could beat the urges, that even if he was just a man he could control them. Even if he had to dig down into his resistance training, willing away the heat and want, hands curled above his head, far from where his body begged.
Even still he ached, hips rolling into the air seeking the pressure and release that he would never allow.
Because who was he to use your memory for pleasure and goodness that he didn’t deserve?
Ghost doesn't cutesy talk cats, he talks to them like other adult men and it's hilarious.
They're at a safehouse, and Ghost is listening to the radio, Price hears him talking to someone, and he's confused because both of his sergeants are conked out asleep.
So, he walks around the corner and finds Ghost sitting on a step with the radio playing and a stray kitten biting his laces while he talks to her. "I don't believe shoelaces constitute part of a balanced diet."
John just sits down on the step next to him and ignores how his knees click. "What's her name?"
"She's yet to disclose name or rank, but given that she's clearly smarter than those two through there, I'd say she's a lieutenant." He responds so dryly that John can't help but snort.
"Ah, I see. Making her way through the ranks at her young age, impressive." He leans forward to pet the kitten, flattening down the tuft of fur sticking up on her head.
"She's a hard worker, look at those paws. Grubby, she's been busy."
The kitten offers them a mewl in response, and he nods accordingly.
In your eyes I saw a longing, while I longed to lift you up
John 'Soap' MacTavish x Reader
Again, crossposting this from AO3.
Summary: Johnny survives what should have been a deadly injury. During his recovery, you bond with his family while he refuses to accept his weakened state, only wishing for you to let him wither. However, as you help him through it all, Johnny is reminded why he fought to stay.
18+
CW: smut, tiny angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, established relationship, deals with medical topics, recovery from injury, mention of depression and struggles related to recovery, cuddles. LOTS OF CUDDLES.
Masterlist 🦊
𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬
Not Johnny.
One hundred and eighty-four days.
One hundred and eighty-four days since Johnny got a bullet in his head. Six months since you saw him flatten against concrete. No lights if not those of the torch tucked in your tac vest.
One hundred and eighty-four days since your own heart stopped beating. More than four thousand hours since the moment you snarled – bellowed. Voice raucous and loud echoing in the tunnel. Raw fire burning your tongue all the way to your fingertips; those that curled around the trigger of your gun.
Makarov on the floor with a hole in his forehead. Mouth-gaped, exhaling his last breaths, mouthing like a fish out of water. Cross-eyed. His lids fluttered, shaking. Pathetic.
Not Johnny.
One hundred and eighty-four days since you pulled the trigger again. And again. And again. And again. To his chest. To his face. To his legs, groin, shoulder.
Since Price hastily got up from where he’d been thrown and grabbed you from behind. Burly arms around your waist lifting you off the ground. Your gun still shooting, bullets now hitting the cinderblock of the walls. The trigger clicked empty, but you still pressed it – autopilot.
The roar that echoed scratched your throat, made you choke. You spluttered and coughed. Tears and spit, foaming at the mouth. A rabid dog.
Not Johnny.
More gunshots echoed, but they didn’t come from your weapon. Price dropped you, your knees knocked against the floor. Helpless, you folded. You draped your body over Johnny’s. Forehead to his chest, arms limp next to his face – fingers grabbing at his cheeks, enough to indent the skin. Blindly skimming through his features, feeling the slick blood carve its path through the tiny folds in your fingerprints.
Senses dull. Not Johnny.
Cotton in your ears. Each explosion from the guns was nothing more than a muffled thud. Bullets flew past you. Bullets hit you. You felt the familiar blinding pain of mangled flesh in your left arm. It caused your body to flop further – a ragdoll. It burned, yet it was nothing compared to the agony currently disemboweling you.
You were gutted. Much like a knife piercing flesh. Cutting its way through layers of skin, muscle, and fat. Intestines pouring out, blood and water and bile mixing on the floor – cocktail of death. Not yours. Johnny's.
Not Johnny.
He heard. His chest rose under the weight of your head, and life was breathed into you again.
───────────
It was absolutely mind-boggling to you how he’d survived. You saw it; you saw Makarov pull the trigger. You saw the bullet pierce his skull. You saw him crumple on the cement in that underground tunnel. You felt the blood on your hands. You felt how slick it made his skin.
But apparently, it wasn't enough to snatch the life out of him.
And as you spent the following days sleeping uncomfortably, curled on one of the chairs in the waiting room of the army hospital, doctors came and went to talk to Price.
Or to Johnny’s ma.
She’d flown all the way from Glasgow to Hereford in the blink of an eye, bringing with her a goddamn squadronof MacTavishes. Four sisters with his blue eyes, and his dark hair. All of varying ages. Even a little one, half of yours. Her long hair was in a plait that swung behind her back. You watched it – transfixed. Too catatonic and dazed to care that you might have looked like a right weirdo – staring at a kid like that.
But she was the one who looked like him the most. Maybe it was in the tilt of her chin. In the shape of her eyes. In the slight fold of the tips of her ears – God, you weren’t looking like one, you were a proper weirdo.
Her braid swung like a pendulum, marking the time you spent apart from him.
A guarded prognosis meant that no one aside from close relatives could enter the room. Family only - and the leader of Johnny’s unit. So, you spent your days of medical leave with your ass on those plastic chairs that were made for short sitting sessions, looking at a platoon of women going in with flowers and chocolates and leaving with tears and bloodied gauzes.
Your arm was wrapped in a bandage of its own, the muscle torn at the bicep. The pain was dull, much like the goddamn sight of you. Or the smell, which you reckoned mustn’t have been the most pleasant whiff to catch with one’s nostrils.
Price took pity on you because he knew. He acted like he didn’t for the sake of his team, but he knew. And he conveyed his awareness with lingering, judgmental glances he gave you and Johnny when the Scot let his hand travel a little too low on your back.
You watched them all from afar, perking your ears to catch any news the doctors told Johnny’s family or your Captain. Clawing at the walls for some information. You’d give your right kidney to know something more aside from the sparse words Price told you out of sympathy.
And then, out of nowhere, after tortuously long days spent with stomach and heart utterly empty, a nurse came to you.
She tapped your shoulder and you flinched. Bloodshot eyes swiveled to land on her face. She looked down at you apprehensively, knowing she’d have to tread lightly. A cornered animal, you were. Pitiful thing.
She called your name, and you blinked.
“The lady there said you’ve been here a while,” she spoke oddly soft and yet respectful. Must’ve spotted the pips on the epaulets of your uniform jacket, the one currently draped over you like a blanket.
Your eyes were unfocused and blinky. Lashes fluttering to swipe away the fatigue – a broom against dust. Looking around made your neck tingle, muscles corded, but you did. Your pupils locked with bright blue ones at the other end of the hallway.
Johnny’s ma waved.
Your brain rewired itself from its slumber and you sat upright. Your shoulders popped as you pulled them back at attention. Legs uncurled from where they were tucked underneath your weight, finally stretching out. Palms to your knees. Your jacket fell to the floor, you didn’t mind it.
“She wants to know if she can talk to you,” the nurse prompted.
You nodded eagerly, probably looking a little too desperate. Your leg bounced in anticipation and anxiety, tiny needles piercing the muscle as it awakened.
Gingerly, his mum walked to you. She sat right in the chair at your side. It took nothing but a look for her to understand: the crust in your lashes from the tears you’ve shed, the bandage around your arm gone from white to yellow with a splotch of brown in the middle. Dried blood and pus. The wound festering beneath it.
She hugged you. She didn’t care if you hadn’t washed in days. If your injury was probably infected, or at least smelled as such. You curled your fingers into fists against her back, and you cried.
She did, too.
𓇬
You understood that Johnny took his fire straight from his ma because she was currently bullying the doctor who had been preventing your entrance into her son’s room.
You stood almost embarrassed next to her, feeling like her child yourself.
She had forced you to wash, after all. Took you to one of the washrooms and helped you out of your clothes. Stroked your skin with a sponge when she noticed the weakness of your movements. Washed away the suds with the showerhead. Dried your hair and braided it.
You’d have felt pathetic if she weren’t there, constantly telling you it was alright. You'd have felt guilty that you became an additional burden to her if she weren't continuously whispering that “whoever loves my Johnny like you do, ‘s mine to care for.”
You took a few steps back the more she argued with the doctor, trying to flee from that predicament. Maybe you’d be lucky enough to peer through the cracked door and spot Johnny’s face now that both surgeon and nurse were busy trying to tame (fruitlessly, they’d learn) Mrs. MacTavish.
However, your back hit something. You lifted your arms, elbows out to create more space around you.
You looked behind and clocked a girl, and her braid. She was slightly shorter than you, about fifteen. The resemblance with her brother was so striking it caused your breath to hitch.
She looked at you with caution. Assessed you like antiques at an auction. Whether you were worthy of her brother’s affection, or not. And you found yourself thinking you’ve never wanted someone’s approval more than you did at that moment.
It was a game of stares that she was clearly winning.
Comical, really. How your skin had bled because of bullets tearing it apart. Knives had ripped crimson gashes on your flesh. Bombs had gone off in your vicinity. You’ve killed. You’ve seen death and brought it, too – a harbinger.
Yet now you stood stock still in front of a teenager. Eyes locked with the depth of the azure sea hers bore. Frozen in place with your elbows still out and your hands hovering between you two.
It was silent for what felt like hours when in truth only mere, tense minutes had passed. The only sound that of Johnny’s ma giving an earful to the doctor and a very tired nurse.
Your lips parted on their own accord then, and your voice came out wet and strained. “You’re so much like him.”
That girl had tried to crack open your skull with the sheer force of her eyes and somehow managed. Then snuck her fingers in the hollow of your stomach and curled them around the handles of your ribs only to rip them open and take a gander at the battered thing that was your heart.
What she said next made your chest clench to the point of pain. Your heart stomped against the hard bone of your rib cage. Her voice was heavily accented yet softer than her brother's. The meaning behind her words was different from the ones you uttered. They went deeper than mere physical appearance.
The thought that she might have seen something in you that even remotely reminded her of him made your heart ache - feeling undeserving of it.
“You are, too.”
───────────
One hundred and eighty-four days since the incident, you could’ve gotten a goddamn medical degree. You took a long compassionate leave to stay by his side, hastily apologizing to doctors and PTs alike for his behavior because during that time, when they’d show up at your doorstep, he’d bark like a dog for them to leave.
For one-hundred and eighty-four days, the moment he fell asleep, you’d bury your head in medical manuals and books. You had his physical therapist explain to you step by step all the exercises he’d have to do for his limbs, so he’d regain strength and mobility.
The massages. The oils. The meds. How to put an IV in. How to change the bandages of his bedsores. You helped him shower. You helped him dress. You did his beard or his hair, and while he pushed for it to be a bland buzzcut or just let it grow, you always let the airstrip at the center stay – gelling it up sometimes, for good fun.
When you’d place a kiss against his buzzed side, next to the healing scar, he’d find himself giving in more and more. His back would soften against your chest, fingers curling at your forearms wrapped around his front.
By the one hundred and eighty-fourth day since the incident, Johnny still barked like a dog at whoever dared to walk in his flat that wasn’t you or a member of his family. But at least now the rest of the lads had their privileges.
At least now he let you sleep on your side of the bed – sometimes daring to curl his arm around your waist so you’d scoot over to his.
At least now he kissed you again and brushed his fingers along your cheek, or through your hair.
His strength came back at a languid pace, but his hands didn’t tremble anymore when he held a fork, so now he could eat by himself. He could lift small weights, but still couldn’t sit up on his own. That was the next achievement you both were aiming at.
His personality now shone through the fractures of the shell he'd locked himself into. The cheeky grin slowly came back like molten gold mending the fissures. That glint in his eyes - a reminder that he was alive.
You already knew it, but he didn’t – and now, he was on his way to finally realize it.
On the morning of that day, Johnny was lying in bed as you’d just finished helping him wear a pair of grey sweatpants. Your back was to him while you folded clean laundry.
He watched like a hawk each movement you made, no matter how mundane and trivial. Shame and resentment still had a tight grip on his heart, withered his soul, but the sight of you – simply there – was enough to make those feelings hush.
“Can’t believe you bloody stayed.”
You stilled in your motions, and only resumed a moment later, setting down the laundry back in the basket. Then, in your sweats and one of his t-shirts, you moved towards the bed. Sat at the edge. Lingered there for a moment as you took him in.
He was thinner. However, against all medical logic, his muscles were still there. Definitely less bulging, definitely much less defined, but there. Apparently, it takes a lot more to wear down John fucking MacTavish. However, you’d have to give credit where credit is due, and your relentless insistence in forcing him to do all the exercises as the PT instructed you, even when Johnny all but cursed at you, might have helped his muscles keep their tone.
You lay down in bed next to him, propped on your elbow with your cheek in your palm. You placed your free hand over his chest, his strong heartbeat at your fingertips.
"'cause you're too hot to drop, eh?" You quipped.
He tried to keep up with your joking mood, his lips curving into that trademark smirk he used to don so effortlessly. Differently from before, when life seemed to flow smoothly, it was short-lived. And while his heart felt like it was being torn apart, he lifted his arm and slung it around your waist, bringing you close.
You snuggled in his side for good measure. One leg of yours was draped over his two, palm still flat on his chest, and now your head lay there as well. While he’d almost returned to his usual self, these moments in which he allowed you to touch him were always sparse and rare. You’d take your fix whenever you could.
His chest still felt tight at the sight of you huddling against him. “Why do ye love me?”
His voice rumbled in his ribcage, echoing in your ear pressed against his pectorals. It perfectly scratched an itch in the back of your brain, almost giving you gooseflesh.
"Because you're pure dead brilliant.” You replied quietly, drawing shapes over the fabric of his tee, "You make me laugh, you make me happy."
Absently, you smiled – memories of your relationship even before it bloomed into love came running in front of your eyes. He could only see the top of your head, but he felt the way your cheek lifted against the cotton, somewhat scrunching the fabric.
"Can't imagine a life without you, honestly.” You lifted your head from his chest and placed a chaste kiss over it. Your shoulders shrugged, the answer being simple. "You're my Johnny."
As much as your words served as a balm to his wounds, he felt as if you were describing someone else. Attributes he was undeserving of – ones that described the man he might have been once but didn’t feel like anymore.
His hand lightly gripped your hip. All he could do was tilt his head down and plant a kiss on your forehead, letting his lips linger a tad longer. Savoring your skin and the salt of it.
“’m the luckiest man alive,” he mumbled. The press of his mouth against your flesh slurred his words, but you caught them anyway.
Luckiest for real, you mused but didn't voice it. He didn't need a daily reminder of the sheer miracle his survival had been.
Instead, you only relished the touch of the chapped skin of his lips. Your eyes fluttered closed to block out anything else that didn’t involve that tiny, warm feeling.
"My lucky charm,” was all you could muster up to say.
He huffed. The air escaping his nose was warm as it hit the crown of your head. You could tell by the way he tensed that he was hesitant, still mindful when it came to having you close. Insecure, ashamed. But you'd linger there unless he pushed you away – hoping, deep down, he never would again.
In very Johnny’s fashion, he masked his insecurity with a lighthearted joke. “C’mon, inflate my ego a bit more.”
And you did, despite knowing it was all a façade to hide the inner turmoil he’d been brewing constantly ever since. Despite knowing he silently craved your words of reassurance, because maybe, if you repeated them enough, he’d eventually believe them, too.
A chuckle bubbled up your throat. Johnny felt its gentle rumble in his bones, and it stole a smile from him.
“You’re absolutely hilarious – you crack me up,” you continued like he asked, “Sharper wit than mine – which I thoroughly appreciate.”
You leaned your head back, reluctantly pulling your forehead away from his lips, only to be awarded with the blue of his eyes.
“You’re kind and compassionate," you sighed, "You care ‘bout others even when you shouldn’t. That’s noble.”
But then your mouth pursed, because its corners struggled to keep a smile, "You're also absurdly hot, love.”
He scoffed, giving you a look – shallow. But he couldn't deny the way the last comment made his chest puff a little.
It was unbearably hard not to burst out laughing. Difficult to keep the warmth inside, in the face of the familiarity of it all. You cleared your throat, mustering up the most serious expression you could pull at that moment.
“You’re the strongest man I know.”
And just like that, his smile was gone. The dancing flame he lit in your heart, smothered by ice. Johnny, who’d always been the gasoline to your fire, now felt like freezing water.
He shook his head, trying to hide the unease. “My strength is long gone, love.”
And even if your blood was struggling to boil against the ice he instilled, you decide you wouldn’t have that. Not in a thousand years.
Your eyes welled up with tears, as much as you tried to fight it. He sounded so tormented - you craved to take it away from him. Your fingers curled at his jaw, gently. Tilting his head, you forced his eyes to lock with yours – making sure to keep him there, focused on you.
"You, my love," you repeated, voice wavering but filled with resolve, "are the strongest man I've ever met."
Yet your words only fueled the self-hatred. He failed to see the determination in your eyes because the wounds in his brain, both emotional and whatnot, only made him perceive pity.
“I hate this,” he growled. While your fire had been smothered, his only grew. His eyes held defiance and fight, unfortunately against all the wrong things. “I hate this so damn much. I – I struggle to live, darling. I can’t even fucking stand. I’m like a useless sack of sh-”
"None of tha'." You interrupted him. This time, you sounded angry.
Hell, you understood. You were a special forces operator, too. You were in his same team. You fucking got it. The pain, the worthlessness after having been fully independent and, at least on his part, generously strong for most of his adult life.
But you weren't having it.
Your fingers held his face in place, curled at his cheeks. Not too tight, always gentle and mindful of his head injury, but firm enough to indent in the plush of his skin.
"You are Sergeant John – fucking Soap - MacTavish." You stated firmly, and while your eyes were glossy, your voice didn't hesitate this time. "You are a sniper and demolitions specialist. The best out there."
Your pupils sailed the storm in his eyes with unparalleled skill. "You've survived a gunshot to the head. You fought to live, and I swear 'ere and now, John, I'll make fucking sure you will."
Johnny found himself fighting a war he couldn’t win. And while he wasn’t used to it, he realized he didn't mind losing. He had been biting each hand that tried to feed him, to nurse him back to health.
Even yours.
He failed to see, however, that you came back each time – mangled fingers, bite marks and all.
He hated being the reason you cried, even if it was for the sheer amount of feelings that had been brewing all at once, threatening to spill over.
Without warning, he put his hands against the mattress and sat up. And because it wasn’t enough for him apparently, he grabbed awestruck-you by the hips, pulling you on top of him – with no little effort – to straddle his lap. That was the achievement of the week, he thought, and with an exhausted sigh, he flopped with his back against the headboard.
He used to be able to absolutely manhandle you and place you wherever he wanted, once. Now, his chest heaved as a result of barely lifting you an inch. The concept was still hard to grasp for him, but he realized how proud he felt when his eyes landed on yours, when your gasp reached his eardrums.
And he understood, then. He might have thought that he was a useless sack of shit, but you weren’t, and steaming Jesus, he’d do it. For you, he’d take the fucking praise of having lifted a spoon without dropping the stupid golf ball you placed on it. He’d take the kisses you’d pepper his face with each time he’d bend his knee to his chest without your hands helping him fold it.
He’d take that look you were donning right there on his lap, your eyes going from heated to watery. Brows pinched. Mouth-gaped.
He’d take it like a fucking champ, and he’d be proud of it.
"Johnny,” you breathed, steadying yourself with your palms on his shoulder.
The bastard smirked; lips parted as he caught his breath.
He brought his hands up to cup your cheek. His thumb rubbed at your jawline and his fingers threaded through your hair. “How are ye so bloody beautiful, eh?”
You almost melted right then and there.
You huffed. Breathless and shaky. You leaned your cheek against his palm – perfect fit. One could hear the clicking sound it would’ve made as it fell into place.
“Gonna have to cross tha' from our achievements list." You slurred, your words as wobbly as your lips.
He hated your bloody achievements list, but he’d take that one, too.
His voice was raspy. Scratched you in all the right places. “We should put a reward for each one you tick off, mh?”
You blushed.
You did, and you weren't even ashamed of it. How many people could say that their significant other made them flush even after years together? You bet very fucking few.
Because Johnny made your heart stutter like the first time although it had been years you two shared the same bed. Johnny made your chest swell, your cheeks pink, and your panties wet even after he'd seen you naked and bent however he pleased – and he could do that with a very visible craniotomy scar on the side of his head.
You gave him a knowing look, though.
"Just a kiss," you replied, sounding a little too patronizing. Almost as if you were scolding him. "The doc said no sex, Johnny."
Indeed, now he almost looked like a child who just had his favorite new toy snatched away. A feigned pout, his bottom lip jutting out slightly. “Not even a tiny bit?”
He looked utterly gorgeous, even when he acted like this – normally, it would’ve driven you up a wall.
The blue of his irises was now a mere halo around widened, dark pupils. He took a greedy handful of the meaty part of your hip. His other hand journeyed from your jawline to your bum, and he wasn’t parsimonious there either, as he curled his fingers around the plush skin.
"What even is a tiny bit of sex, Johnny?” You huffed. Before he could reply, because you saw that cheek in his eyes, “And for the love of Christ – Don't say just the tip.”
He grinned, caught red-handed.
You fixed him with a blank stare.
And then, you spouted all the knowledge you had acquired during these months while he slept away. You went full medical encyclopedia on him. "Sex increases blood pressure, which might cause weakened blood vessels in your brain to burst, potentially leading to a hemorrhagic stroke. You could -”
Johnny barked a laugh. You ended your lecture by pursing your mouth in a tight line; rolled your lips between your teeth to hide how much the sound of his genuine chuckle had affected your heart.
He absolutely demolished you with a sentence only.
“But I sat up today, sweetheart.”
Your shoulders deflated. Utterly powerless.
He pinched the air between thumb and forefinger in the space between your faces, “Just a glimpse, yeah?”
You scoffed and briefly looked down at the spot where he’d placed you in. All by himself, no help from you whatsoever. You were so fucking proud it made you arrhythmic.
You settled on a glimpse.
Gingerly, you grasped the hem of your (his) tee and pulled it off your head. You tossed it in a vague direction behind you, eyes focused on his. Deft fingers went to unhook your own bra, and you let it fall.
Sitting up on your knees, which gave him a very nice close-up of your breasts (the lad went cross-eyed at the sight), you hooked your fingers at the waistband of your sweatpants. With one motion, you took down both pants and underwear, which pooled at your knees.
You leaned back, sitting on your rear, and pulled them both off your ankles. Much like your sorry t-shirt, they landed somewhere on the bedroom floor.
Planting your feet on each side of his thighs, you kept your knees spread and leaned back on your palms, as if to say There, enjoy.
"Better?"
Johnny’s eyes darkened instantly at the sight before him. You looked wet already for reasons unknown to him. Poor man couldn't grasp the idea that no matter how he looked, he'd always make your heart race and your cunt glisten.
Johnny slowly rubbed the back of his fingers against his lips.
“Better,” you heard him rasp.
You nodded imperceptibly, eyes never leaving his. You raised a hand and drew a map of your body with your finger, tracing a path he’d hopefully follow again, one day.
It started from your mouth, fingertip tugging at your lower lip until it bounced back into place. Then down your chin, down the curve of your throat, traveling in the valley of your breasts.
"You behave, Johnny," you breathed, letting your own hand grab a handful of your breast and squeeze. The fat bulged between the grooves of your fingers.
"Follow PT.” You pulled at your nipple, "Take your meds, do as the doctors say."
Your palm snaked down your belly until it reached your core. You spread your lips for him with your fingers, "And I'll be your first meal after recovery."
Johnny’s eyes followed your hand, hypnotized. He swore his mouth watered and he thought this wasn’t much of a reward as it was torture.
His heart throbbed against his ribs, and his eyes clocked yours once more.
“I’ll behave,” he promised, his voice thick with an unspoken need – and he would.
Johnny decided that he’d take this, too. Fucking hell he would.
Your lips quirked to the side, trying to hide the small smile of delight. The only thing you wanted was for him to get better. Small steps: he had already managed to sit up in bed by himself, so maybe the next step would be to stand up on his own, one day.
Then walk. Then run. Then train at the gym, or take you out for dinner. Fuck you senseless into the mattress. Get on his knees to make a meal out of you. Or get on one knee, holding out a ring.
And by God, if what he needed was a reward – he'd get it. Honestly, if it would help him improve, you'd give it to him every bloody day. You’d bend, break, turn, and fucking dance if he asked. As long as he stayed here, alive.
You were unabashedly wet, so there was barely any friction as you plunged middle and forefinger inside your core. You hissed at the sensation – pleasure and pain. You let out a shuddering breath, eyes closing just briefly.
You should've been embarrassed about the sound your own cunt made when you slid them out, but the way Johnny's eyes widened made you anything but. His hand dropped from his mouth onto his thigh, limp.
Utterly disarmed himself.
Sticky and wet with arousal, you placed your fingers on his lips, gently pushing them inside to rest on his tongue.
"Good man, Johnny," you breathed, your own heart thrumming, "So fucking proud of you.”
Johnny’s chest warmed and his eyes flickered between your own, his tongue automatically coming forward to taste you on your fingers. His cheek hollowed as he sucked, which did absolutely nothing to the already dripping state of you.
You scissored your fingers against his tongue, “Take it.”
His eyes fluttered closed. Sweet and salty, ambrosia on his tastebuds. The tang of you, forever impressed in his mind – a man parched of what he used to drink almost daily and had been denied for months. He thought it had been criminal of you to take it away from him for so long.
And while this totally wasn’t the most appropriate moment to think about it, he realized that you never denied him anything that wasn’t for his own good.
He did it to himself.
Which made him angry. Which prompted his hand to flit up and wrap around your wrist to keep your fingers there, snug in the cavity of his mouth – wishing he could never part from them.
The humming sound of pleasure vibrated through your hand, and you shivered in response. He grunted in a low, husky murmur – words barely muffled by your fingers, “I want my reward, pet.”
Your own eyes were hooded and heavy. He looked perfect, despite that thick scar on the side of his head. Actually, the fact that he was still here, in this plane of existence, with his brain injury - somehow alive, by sheer miracle - made him even more perfect.
You took your fingers out of his mouth. Johnny begrudgingly released them with a pop. He looked flushed and ravenous. It would’ve scared you, the voracity in his eyes, if you weren’t already accustomed to it – known it like your own, same hunger that’d been festering in your lower stomach for months.
You helped him lay back down again, making sure his head would fall softly against the pillow, back flat on the mattress. You stretched out like a cat, settling yourself on your knees between his legs.
Resting your palms against his thighs, feeling the taut muscle underneath, your fingers gently scraped over the fabric of his sweatpants. The obvious tent he sported imperceptibly twitched in reflex.
You grazed the bulge with your nails. Johnny shuddered.
Only then, you curled your fingers at the waistband of his sweats and slowly pulled down, exposing him. His cock bounced back against his abdomen once it unhooked from the elastic of his boxers.
It was your mouth’s turn to water. You’d seen him naked several times in the past one hundred and eighty-four days, but the purposes were very much different. Of course, it wasn’t only him that had to refrain from intimacy. While you could, well, DIY your way to bliss, it clearly wasn’t enough, because your body was reacting dramatically at the mere sight.
Your hand almost darted at the base. Johnny’s hips gave a tiny jerk, and you could hear the lack of sounds coming from him. He was holding his breath, almost in anticipation of what he knew would happen.
Thankfully he’d always been vocal, and when you gave the first stroke, Johnny absolutely melted. Quite literally, you saw him deflate against the pillows as if he were made of wax and your hand was fire. His lips parted in a whine you hadn’t heard in ages. Or maybe never. At all.
You decided you wanted to hear that again. Fucking pronto.
You started slowly, stroking up and down the way you knew he liked. Dragging the skin over the tip, using the honestly baffling amount of precum as lube.
You couldn’t take your eyes off of him. Johnny always looked gorgeous, and during sex, he looked like a god.Made to worship and praise. Now, his eyes were half closed. The narrow space visible was white – he had rolled back his eyes. Lips parted by heavy pants. Brows tight, as if he was concentrating.
Because he was.
“Slow down,” he drawled, seemingly unable to have his mouth follow along with his thoughts. “Fuck, plea-“, he whined, again. That sound you were looking for. Goddamn music that could feel like silk to the touch.
Your thighs squeezed together for some needed friction, and you did as he asked. He exhaled shakily, fully closing his eyes to get a grip. Johnny’s jaw clenched. He gritted his teeth, releasing a sharp breath from his nose.
Slowly, you bent at the waist, shifting a little on your knees. Your face was right next to his length as you held it up by the base, stroking languidly.
Johnny felt your breath hit his shaft and his eyes snapped open. You saw how his chest stuttered, eyelid twitching at the sight. How the indent of your spine drew a curve that tipped at your ass, tilted up. The lashes framing your doe eyes fluttering right next to his cock. Your lips pink, as if they might have caught teeth. The sheen of his precum around your fingers.
Johnny could’ve come right then and there.
To prevent it, he slid his eyes shut again. It was useless, because he felt that plush mouth he loved oh, so dearly, leave a trail of slow kisses from his base up to his angry-red tip. Johnny hissed a string of curses, wringing his eyes closed until his lids wrinkled.
You lingered a little more on his tip with your lips barely grazing it, tasting the salt of him and reveling in the desperation he was showing. Not a bad thing – this wasn’t that kind of torment you hated to see. Indeed, you liked it.
Very much so.
“Johnny,” you whispered, “Look at me, baby.”
Johnny could only oblige; however, he did beg whatever deity up there to give him enough resolve not to cum on your hand. His eyes drifted open and the sight of you, once again, threatened to have him end the moment way too soon.
He gulped. A fruitless endeavor, because his mouth was dry and his throat stuck. He parted his lips to mumble something. Something incoherent and jumbled because his brain was haywire.
Whatever he had to say, however, came out as a choked sound. Your lips parted further and wrapped around his head. Your heavy-lidded gaze locked with his much too wide eyes, and Johnny crumbled once and for all.
“Christ,” was the first sensed word he growled. His head fell back against the pillow, but that made you still.
He moaned again. Not that sound you liked, but more like a lament – why did you stop. Your mouth left his shaft with a sonorous pop. His head lifted and he glowered – how dare you.
“Eyes on me, Johnny.”
His breath hitched, and he thought you couldn’t have looked more beautiful. His eyes softened at the order, and he gave a simple nod, trying not to look as desperate as he felt and failing spectacularly.
You grinned, and he corrected himself: you could look more beautiful.
Whatever devoted thought was about to cross his mind was stopped in its tracks when you ran your tongue along the underside of his cock. Tortuously slow.
You used your hand at the base to slap the head against the flat of your tongue while your other palm rested on his thigh, feeling how he tensed beneath you. Only then, your lips returned around his cock. The muscles in his neck bulged and the tendons tightened, resisting the urge to just flop back once again.
His hips gave yet another tiny jerk, and he bit his bottom lip. "Careful, pet," he warned you, his voice strained against the rock lodged in the back of his throat.
He reached down and grasped at your hair but did not pull, simply just holding on to give you a sense of where his hands were. He wished he could sit up and ram his cock down the back of your throat. He knew you’d take it – fuck, he knew.
But he’d used enough strength to gain the current reward, which was also the other reason why his muscles felt too syrupy to hold him up.
The tight grip on your hair almost made your eyes roll back at the promise of what it could’ve meant. The memories of how good he’d guide your head down his length made your cunt flutter around nothing.
You dived down until his tip reached the back of your throat. Tears prickled at the corners of your eyes as you struggled to breathe from your nose.
“God, sweetheart,” he moaned. Didn’t growl, or groan. John fucking MacTavish moaned, and you were unsure whether you liked this more than the gruff sounds you were used to.
You rose up again and then rammed down. Up, and down. Again, and again. And Johnny thought he could’ve cried. His chest heaved and his lungs burned – struggling to keep up with his rapid intake of air. His thighs tensed.
“Just like tha’.” He stuttered, voice cracking at the edges, “Yes, love. Yes.”
It took a lot of him not to collapse right back against the pillow and just enjoy the feeling and the obscene sounds you were making. And while his eyes stayed focused on you because you had commanded so, he also didn’t want to deprive them of the sight that you were.
You knew his tells: breathy voice, taut quadriceps, those tiny jerks of his hips to meet your mouth. Your hand curled at the base to help you out in your endeavor, stroking lightly and twisting as your mouth still worked. Your eyes locked on him, lidded and watery. Tears down your flushed cheeks.
A fucking sight alright, Johnny thought.
With the last spurs of strength left in his body, he selfishly pushed your head down, burying your nose in his curls. He groaned a desperate “Oh, fuck”, lifted his hips to meet you halfway. With a shudder, you felt him empty himself down your throat.
The grip he had on your hair tightened to the point of delicious pain, stinging your scalp. Johnny's legs went stiff under your touch. His cock twitched, buried deep down your throat, as spit and cum bubbled at the corners of your stuffed mouth.
You didn’t fight how your eyes rolled back this time. Struggling to breathe through your nose as you obediently swallowed.
Johnny allowed himself to collapse back against the pillow. Unfocused and dazed. The way his orgasm hit, like a needle puncturing his brain, made him think that maybe you were right and he’d gone and done it – the hemorrhagic stroke, or whatever it was you said.
When you finally pulled back, Johnny looked down at you with hooded eyes. His chest was still rising and falling at an alarming pace. And just when he thought it was over, that the bliss had regrettably ended, you locked eyes with him. His mouth went dry again.
He slowly let the grip on your hair go to allow you some freedom to move. He reached out to touch the side of your face. His thumb skimmed your lower lip, smearing the spit and what was left of him on your cheek.
“You’re beautiful,” he said quietly – more than just a compliment.
You blushed. As if your cheeks could get any redder.
After tucking him back into his pants and sweats, Johnny beckoned your face closer to his. You followed his guidance, only to have him curl his fingers at the nape of your neck to tilt your head, and let his lips meet yours.
He didn’t kiss your hungrily. He savored you, allowing your lips to slot, and your tongues to mold. He tasted himself on you, and you tasted yourself on him.
Johnny tucked you under his arm, guiding you to rest your head on his chest like before.
You looked up at him, a cheeky smile on your lips. Tapped your fingers over his heaving chest.
“Slow breaths,” you instructed, “Keep the blood pressure low, baby.”
He huffed, “Fuck off, darling.”
You laughed and nuzzled against him. Johnny could only chuckle with you – could only think you were a vision. And when your face lifted to prop your chin on his chest so your eyes could meet, when your smile beamed in his direction, he was sure you were one.
"Now will you," you tapped his nose with your finger, "Cooperate a little more?”
Johnny snorted.
His lips curled into a tiny smirk. His cheeks were flushed as well, a sheen of sweat covered his forehead. His eyes were droopy and a little dreamy when he took you in. You looked so beautiful his heart could’ve stopped, and if that were to be the last thing he saw, he would've died a happy man.
You were proud of him, and for the first time, he was proud of himself, too.
He fell silent and only basked in your glow, reveling in the sunlight you brought. The arm that held you by your waist traveled upwards, and he curled it around your head. His thumb brushed your cheekbone, tangling with some of your hair as well.
And Johnny thought he’d take it. He’d take it any day.
“Get that achievements list,” he whispered, “Wanna cross that shite myself.”
Some more insecure Simon Riley talk, because he's precious.
18+
Word count: 1.4k
CW: nothing, just smut. Simon finds you in lingerie and has a stroke. I love him your honor.
Masterlist 🦊
𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬 𓇬
Simon, who is not sure what to do with himself the first time you welcome him home in nothing but lingerie.
He’s so unbelievably tired, dropping his clothes on the floor of the bedroom without even lifting his head. Mumbling apologies to you—how he’ll clean tomorrow, how he just wants to go to bed and sleep fourteen hours straight, right now. Bonus points if you hold him through the night, too.
Yet you’re not replying, but he’s seen your silhouette in the darkness; he knows you’re awake because you whispered a soft “Welcome back” when he walked in the room. His heart pounds in his chest, his palms get clammy—he thinks he’s overstepping lines by not giving you the attention he thinks you deserve.
So, as he unzips his pants, he lifts his eyes to look at you, and fuck—
You’re lying on your side, propped on your elbow, chin tucked in your palm. Perfect tits covered in sheer fabric, burgundy and black, your nipples peeking through. The soft line of your waist is bare—he follows it with his eyes until they land on your hips. Ornated lace curves around your hipbone and thins into see-through, dark fabric over your mound. Two strips of silk clasp your knickers to a pair of thin stockings that cinch the fat of your thighs, and the sight makes his mouth water.
“Welcome back,” you say once again, this time with soft amusement.
He looks like a proper idiot. Hand still on his crotch, practically feeling how his cock comes to a stand at the mere sight of you.
He gulps. Feels a little lightheaded. “F’ me?”
You smile, chuckling softly but not derisively. Simon follows your hand as you guide it over your belly, up to the valley of your breast, as if you’re there, showing the goods he can pick and taste.
“For you.”
Simon is stunned into silence again.
Fuck is he supposed to do, uh? He’d be content just looking at you lying there and looking like you came out of a magazine, instead of touching you and potentially ruining what you did just for—for him?
He must not have noticed how his whole body (aside from his cock) has gone into standby—entered sniper mode. He's quiet, breaths reduced and silent, eyes attentive and narrowed.
It's a handful of seconds that leave you uncomfortable, as your plastic pose softens, your smile faltering at the corners.
“You don’t like it?” You ask, trying to sound steady, but he picks up the nervousness in your tone right away.
He won’t let you have it, obviously. He snaps out of it and takes you in for what you are: a fucking present, on his bed, wrapped in strings and bows and lace like gift wrap.
“Shoulda guessed it was too much, maybe. Should’ve gone for somethin’ soft—"
Simon is on you in seconds. Grabs your face in his hands and smashes his lips to yours something fierce, nothing like you’ve ever experienced before. No hesitation. Simple, tangible desire. Scorching lust. Want. Need—fuck, he’s never kissed you like this.
Your eyes lose their surprise, and they slowly surrender to him—hands wandering down to help him out of his pants and briefs. And then you wrap your arms around his neck, grazing his scalp with your nails until he shivers.
Simon thought there was nothing comparable to the softness of your skin against the harder patches of scars freckling his abdomen. But he’s proved wrong when he feels the rough texture of your lace scratch his chest and his hips—it has him leaking embarrassingly quick.
He’s all lips and tongue as he races down your chest, sloppy kisses leaving a burning trail between your tits, down your belly, settling on your cunt covered by thin mesh.
Simon looks up at you, holding your thighs between thick fingers, smushing them against his cheeks. His eyes are hooded, dark, different. He tilts his head and bites into the plump flesh within reach—not enough to hurt, but sure enough to taste. Mercifully passes his tongue over the teeth marks before biting into it again, until the sting has you arching your back off the bed.
And he never breaks eye contact, which leaves you dumbfounded and flustered to the bone—because where is this confidence coming from? You’re wide-eyed and biting your own teeth in anticipation—this is all new and all the more exciting.
His kisses travel from the lines of your stretch marks up to your sex, where he doesn’t even bother moving the gusset of your knickers, and he just dives in.
Tongue flat against your cunt, drenching the sheer fabric with his spit and your moisture. Your moans are so soft compared to the sloppy mess he’s making of you down there, his insecurity blessed by a sort of beginner’s luck. Or maybe he’s just that hungry, and that is enough for your cunt flutter around nothing anyway.
You’re speechless when he finally lifts himself up, slotting his hips between your kiss-bitten thighs. His cock lands heavy on your pelvis, painting your lower belly with speckles of sheer precum. Head swollen and red right above your belly button.
You look at him wide-eyed, on your back, stock-still—anticipating his next move with your heart rate spiking.
He takes you completely by surprise (once again? In one night? Who is this man?), when he moves your knickers to the side, and instead of plunging in, he slides his cock between your folds and snaps the lace back above it. And then he starts rutting in shameless abandon, holding you steady by your thighs, letting the sheer fabric of your panties cover his tip and half of his shaft, as he runs himself back and forth over the surface of your pussy.
“M’gonna ruin it, sorry.” He croaks, as one of his hands comes to clumsily grab your tits through the lace. “So fuckin’ pretty—fuck—bloody hell, you—”
You coax him to go on with breathless moans because he’s never looked more breathtaking than he does now. Tiny drops of sweat drip from his forehead onto your belly, cheeks flushed and long lashes fanning his cheekbones. His lips yield a grunt each time the lace scratches his shaft. Your breath hitches each time the head of his cock catches your clit.
“Gonna buy ya a new one, yeah?” He grunts, looking down at the wet patch his cock is making through the lace. “Gonna buy ya fuckin’ ten.”
He’s never been this vocal, and you don’t dare to mouth a whisper in case he catches himself in the act. Not even when you cum, a short and stinging orgasm that makes your clit burn at the friction, do you dare to moan. You tilt your head back and shut your eyes, neck corded in the strain to keep it in, flushing with warmth in unbearable silence.
You think you hear his voice crack through the cotton in your ears when you come back down from your high. “Fuck—God, fuck. Wha’ a gift, eh? F’ me. All f’me.”
He pulls back a few moments later, taking his cock out of your panties and into a thick hand. A few pumps, and he cums on your lace, painting your belly and your cunt in glistening white.
He’s panting as his hand languidly comes to a halt. Chest flushed and with a thin layer of sweat over it.
“Sorry,” he murmurs, clearly dizzy—as if he needs to apologize for this. “I ruined it. I—just—gonna go grab somethin’ to—to clean y'up, wait 'ere—Jesus Christ.”
He slowly comes to stand, knees popping and legs shaking as he stumbles to the bathroom.
You look down at the spurts of cum covering your stomach and staining the lace of your panties, and then you flop your head back onto the mattress, wide eyes locked to the ceiling.
A chuckle of disbelief escapes you, still in shock from the sudden switch in behavior. And you think, when he comes back with a towel to clean the mess he’s made on your skin, that you might have to take another trip to the shop this weekend—buy yourself a new little piece.
But later, then, he falls asleep with his head on your chest, fingers lazily toying with the lace of your bra (because he’s asked you to keep it on, you know—“Like how 't feels”), and so you move up your shopping a little—already on your phone, running your thumb to skim through pinks and blues, laces and silks.
You might just order a new one right now.
It’s at that moment that he shifts in his sleep, slipping his hand under the band of your lacy bra and curling his fingers around your breast.
sending simon a “care package” while he’s on deployment, but in lieu of non-perishable food and toiletries, you send him erotic photos and his favourite pair of your lace knickers.
he thanks you the following afternoon with a string of blurry videos of him jerking off in his bunk, muffled moans escaping clamped lips and a massive, veiny hand pumping his flushed cock.
when he comes, his meaty thighs tremble, as does the camera. you don’t see much, save for the splatter of white against his skin as he groans and sighs — a bestial thing ripped from his throat — and your knickers wrapped around him.
and when he returns from deployment, with pallor skin and sunken eyes, he leaves no room for you to question what could be wrong — because the second he enters your home, he’s forcing you against the wall and fucking your starved cunt for as long as he can manage, making up for all those precious months lost :(
It’s been a while :) this will be a long post and I’m sorry.
Most of you know that I left Tumblr in early October due to being doxed and receiving an anonymous ask with my last name that is not accessible from this account.
I wanted to give some background about a situation that happened here in May 2024 that has led up to this. Although I created this account in 2021/22 I wasn’t active. I did not become active until I got into COD, and before that, I had only been on fandom Twitter.
After all that has happened below came a simple message on October 7th. “Hi Mrs._____.” With all that has happened I feel that you can put two and two together on who is threatening me in this illegal and terrifying way. My information is not public on this account. I do not and have not shared even my first name much less my last.
I was not familiar with Tumblr fandom “protocol” and used creators' gifs and edits to supplement my own ideas and comments. I was not claiming their work as my own but added additional comments or explanations to the posts I was making. As it has been for many users Tumblr became an outlet and my safe space for fandom-related things.
Several months into my newly active COD phase I was reached out to about the usage of creators' gifs. I was unaware and attempted to apologize and to ask for advice on how GIFs worked and how I should move forward in the future. At the time I was unaware that making gifs and posting them on Tumblr also made them searchable in the gif post search.
After realizing my mistakes with using creators content without credit I corrected myself, apologized, and blocked the creators to prevent myself from accidentally interacting with them and possibly causing problems in the future.
Because of this, their friend created the post below, and those involved have been sending anonymous asks to me and those who have interacted with me about once a month.
June 10th I made the post below because I started to get anon asks
June 11th I extended it
July 30th I extended it again
I have gotten several anonymous asks since than, the most recent being in August, saying that I hadn’t apologized and that I will be “outed” again as a GIF stealer. In the beginning you can see I responded but after the next couple, still repeatedly accusing me, I chose to delete them.
I have been quiet about this in the past months because I have moved on and have wished to put this behind me, but this has gone too far. With the support of some wonderful friends I have decided to speak up because this is not fucking okay to do to someone.
I am not blacking out the names of those who have threatened to harass me because I am refusing to shrink into fear. Six..SIX months ago when this happened I realized my mistakes and I have changed and apologized. I have moved on, I ask that those who are harassing me do the same.
courtana. collinnmckinley. deadbranch. and those who are anonymous
are the worst combination to fuck. No, not because they don't fuck good. But because they are too good. They bounce off each other, encouraging each other to push your limits.
Content Warning- Breath play, blowjobs, anal fingering, dub-con, after care, PiV sex, creampie, face shots.
Ghost has you folded in half with Gaz's cock down your throat. Your head is dizzy and pleasure racks your body with every thrust of Ghosts huge cock. They've pulled multiple orgasms from your body leaving you a wet, pliant mess on the bed.
Everything is overstimulating. Gaz cards his fingers through your hair as he thrusts his cock into your mouth, watching drool drip down your chin. Ghosts happy trail brushes against your clit makes your thighs tense and hips jerk under his weight.
Gaz says something but you can't hear it over the white noise in your head and the sounds of skin on skin but you feel when Ghosts thumb teases the tight rim of muscle below his cock. Your eyes widen and dart between the two men whose brown eyes are focused completely on your reactions.
Ghost scoops up the slick leaking out from where he has you plugged and spreads it across your hole. Your breathing picks up and Gaz pushes his cock further down your throat causing you gag and sputter on it.
You look up at Gaz who looks at you with a mixture of cruelty and adoration as Ghost pushes his thumb inside. Just as Ghost does that Gaz pinches your nose closed and pushes his cock as far as it'll go down your throat.
You thrash and try to kick out of Ghost's grip as he pushes a second finger into your ass and begins to thrust again. Your vision begins to form black spots as you struggle to breathe around Gaz's cock and any sense of air gets punched out with Ghosts thrusts as his cock abuses your cervix.
"Come on doll," Gaz murmurs as he trails a hand down your abdomen and begins to rub at your clit. "Cum and I'll let you breathe."
You're still thrashing as the pleasure mounts up and everything gets darker and darker. Just as you think you'll pass out before you can cum Ghost curls his fingers in your ass and your back arches up off the bed as the dam breaks unexpectedly.
You feel yourself clamp down on his cock and Gaz finally lets you breathe. He fists his cock and his cum splashes warm across your face and Ghosts hips stutter to a stop as he fills you up. You gasp and feel tears rolling down your cheeks as the black fades from your vision.
"Good girl," Gaz praises as he wipes some cum from your cheek with his thumb and pushes it between Ghosts lips.
"You did so well fer us," Ghost whispers as he lets your legs go. "I'll get the towel okay?" You nod as you begin to hiccup. Gaz presses his lips to your forehead as he continues to whisper how good you did and how they'll pamper you for the next two days at least
a sort-of library to keep all of my graphics in one location ✨
all graphics shared are free for you to use on your tumblr posts! credit is greatly appreciated 💕 (ex. in your post, tags, or masterlist - either @saradika or @saradika-graphics or with an @/ is fine!)
I use 3000 x 1055 px for my headers & 3000 x 240 px for all my dividers/banners
pink | blue | purple | pastel | black | grunge | gothic
✨(Everything is made in Canva - so check it out if you’re looking to make your own! credit is appreciated but not required, a reblog would be great if you use! 💕) ✨
Dry humping with sick!Soap? Poor guy is feeling under the weather and just wants to feel good dang it! And who are we to say no when he’s being so pitiful and giving the puppy dog eyes??
(jokes on us though when we end up sick anyway two days later 😑)
(Not quite what you asked, but maybe next part we'll get there)
Roommate Soap part 3 (18+)
He’s like that when you get off work.
It’s rare that he makes it home before you, so you’re a little surprised to find him stretched out on the couch, tucked in with a box of tissues and the TV remote.
You’ve actually never seen him sick before. With whatever-it-is he does as a job, they always make him work through illness, as if he’s some invaluable specimen to the company that no one can spare. But today apparently, the stars have aligned and his snotty ass gets to recover at home. On your only couch.
“How is it?” you ask, once you’ve hung up your coat and grabbed a snack from the kitchen. You’ll probably get it in a couple of days anyway, so it would be nice to know what’s coming for you.
“I’ll live.”
He does look miserable. That throw blanket is a little too short for him, so his socks are peeking out the bottom while he keeps it scrunched up under his chin.
“Can I sit?” You come to a stop in front of the couch and nudge at his knee with yours.
“Take the chair,” he grumbles, eyes never leaving the screen.
“But then I can’t see the TV.”
That royal pain in your ass doesn’t even answer, just lifts his eyes momentarily to your annoyed face, and then studiously ignores you.
Normally you’d find something to do in your room and leave him be, but… you’ve missed him. He’s been gone so much lately, and the apartment has felt dark and soulless for weeks.
As if compelled by a gravitational force, you make a quick decision and plant your ass down on the one empty space, the little bit of cushion in front of his hips.
“Christ,” he mutters, draping your arm over the top of his head so he can see past it.
You absently ruffle his hair, and then linger longer than you should, running your fingers through that stupid Mohawk. His skin does feel extra hot, poor guy. He’s like a heated blanket against your backside right now.
A bout of coughing from below has you running your hand across his shoulder instead, in what you hope translates into a sympathetic motion. Sympathy, that’s all this is. You weren’t trying to touch him, it just happened naturally, through no fault of your own.
“‘S more comfortable down here,” he mumbles, tugging your waist towards him.
“There’s no room.”
Lie. There’s definitely room, with these deep cushions. You’ve spooned on here with people plenty of times before.
“I’ll make room.”
So you end up snuggled into this wall of hot muscle, trying to ignore the heavy arm draped over your waist and the way your ass is shoved up against his crotch.
This is decidedly not roommate behavior, but it’s allowed because he’s sick, and you don’t feel like fetching the blanket off his bed to keep him warm. Who knows, maybe he’s delirious, and won’t even remember snuggling with you.
Cuddling? Snuggling? Is it the same thing? It does feel more like cuddling, with the way his fingers keep playing with the back of your hand, running softly up and down your forearm. It’s turned into active touching at some point, and you’re pretty sure it’s not your fault.
Okay, so maybe your socks end up entwining a little with his socks. Maybe you’re not really paying any attention to what’s on TV, because is… God, he’s holding you at this point, and it’s doing unforgivable things to your belly. There’s the most bizarre flutter that keeps going through it, all warm and interested.
Interested in him. Your very off-limits roommate who you may or may not think about a lot when he’s gone. That guy. That guy is giving you butterflies for no good reason.
“Missed you,” he mutters, so quiet you barely hear it.
“Yeah,” you breathe, while his fingertips trace the spaces between your knuckles, sending a flutter to a completely different part of your body.
Delirious. Feverish. Allowed.
“Do you want anything?” you ask, trying to be helpful.
Except he goes tense behind you, as if he didn’t understand the simple question.
“Tea?” you prompt. “Soup?”
“Mm. No thanks.”
Did he think you meant something else? Something… god, you can’t even bring yourself form the mental words.
Sexual attraction, that’s all this is. Your body likes his body, and that’s hardly a good enough reason to throw away a perfectly good roommate situation.
You need to move. Get up, put some distance between yourself and this insane urge to rub your whole body up against him. You just need to have a shred of self control for once, and say goodnight, for both of your sakes.
“I think I’m going—“
“Can I kiss—“
You both talked at exactly the same time, so you snap your jaw shut in horror, for a second convincing yourself that it was you who let that slip.
No, no that was him. His rough voice was the one that crossed over that one, vital boundary, at the same time that you were attempting to run away from it.
Silently you peel yourself off of him until you’re sitting upright, and then rotate your head to get a look at his face.
Wide, feverish eyes blink up at you in horror, as if he’s just as shocked at what just happened. It was him, right? You didn’t say that, he did.
“Johnny…”
“For— forget it. Didn’t mean that.”
He screws his eyes shut and wraps his hand around his head as if it aches. “That was— uh— not how I meant…”
“Yeah, that would be…” you laugh nervously, trying to get a grip. “Anyway, I think I’m going to go to bed, or…” You glance at your phone, and find it woefully early for anything of the sort. “…maybe change, or something.”
“Alright.” His voice has a heavy layer of relief that you’ve decided to avoid the topic altogether.
It’s a stupid topic, and shouldn’t be talked about, ever. And definitely not thought about, or pictured in detail.
You somehow manage to drag yourself away from him, and then find yourself in your room, as if you flew there without realizing. Your mind seems to crawl to him, over and over, lingering on the details of his face.
That’s what you’re thinking about, as you get out of your work clothes and into some soft sleeping pants and a tank top. You’re thinking about kissing him.
It should repulse you, considering he’s sick and also your roommate. It shouldn’t be extra thrilling to imagine his hot lips against yours, finally discovering exactly how compatible your bodies are with each other. You shouldn’t want to take care of him sexually, but you do. That’s always been the problem.
Fuck him, by the way. Fuck Johnny MacTavish for being so un-roommate-able.
