[phruit-salad]

So what if Ilya tells Marleau "look I am dating a man, Shane Hollander, and I'm bisexual" and Marleau is like "Oh, ok cool. What's that mean?" And Ilya has to do the "Ah bisexual! Some people like apples, some people like oranges, I like both!" but Marleau is still confused because he's never seen Ilya eat fruit (he only eats McGriddles).

So Ilya has to be really clear like "I fuck men and women and like doing both." And Marleau is like "wait, does it count if it was a threesome and also doesn't everyone feel like that?" And Ilya has to say "Mm I think if you also get off on having sex with a man (at the same time as a woman) that's not very straight."

And then Marleau is like "well Idk cos there was a chick there but also you have a good ass. What if I fuck you and Shane to find out?"

And that's how the first threesome happens.

[shanehollandered]

listen, the sheer fucking balls to the wall bravery shane puts out by saying “you feel it too, don’t you?” is actually insane because he phrases it like a question but it’s basically a statement. he knows ilya feels it too. this is just to give him a little grace.

i love it. that's my shane!!!!! full throttle once he’s locked in!! ilya out there in that hotel room fighting for his life while shane is like. no. you got nothing on me. this is not a competition because i won before we even started. you are my target and i am locked on. don’t even try to run away.

[hutsonwoolyums]

God Shane is so confident at the cottage too. Ilya’s like “I hate you” and Shane makes full eye contact, says “no you don’t” and refuses to look away. Sobs my brave boy!!

[pluvialcity]

the fact that Shane and Ilya don't rotate having the captaincy once they're both playing for the Centaurs makes me a little bit furious, actually

if we're going based on NHL history here, Shane would only have been the second captain of Asian descent in the entire history of the league, and he would be the first to lead a team to a Stanley Cup victory. Shane is already taking a pay cut to join the Centaurs; asking him to also be stripped of an extremely historically significant leadership position would be... fucking shitty, actually

there's substantial precedent for NHL teams doing this (the Minnesota Wild rotated their captain every 1-2 months for almost a decade), and many teams will have no captain (just alternate captains) during transitional periods, so there is no earthly reason why two players on the same team of Shane and Ilya's caliber wouldn't be sharing leadership duties

anyway. Shane's really fucking good at hockey and also at captaining his hockey team (as evidenced by their record), and the fact that this isn't thoughtfully handled in the text makes me want to chew on fucking drywall

[pwhl-mybeloved]

[phruit-salad]

Ngl I genuinely feel really bad for every other detroit player rn. Especially new players who were excited about the start of their pwhl career or players from michigan who are representing where they come from. It's just got to really suck this this amazing moment is overshadowed.

[phruit-salad]

Shane hears rumors from the boston players that Ilya has always been a tits guy and gets self conscious about it. Ilya reassures him he has the best tits of all (true).

[phruit-salad]

I want Fabian giving Ilya and Shane a makeover. Maybe he uses Halloween as an excuse. They're going to a Halloween party at the Kingfisher so why not?

Fabian starts on Ilya (Shane is still very skeptical about the whole thing) but as he watches Ilya admire his smokey eye in the mirror he decides he wants Ilya to look at him like he's looking at himself, and sits himself down in Fabian's chair.

40 minutes (and a lot of fussing) later Shane emerges, with smudgy eyeliner and glitter he didn't know could make his eyes look like that.

[hr-rep]

Everyday I live in fear of the HR fandom getting ever closer to Sitcom Dad!Ilya and Sitcom Mom!Shane being what we are forced to digest as fandom staples

[scunthotter]

I get very annoyed by some of the posts that portray Ilya as an idiot. He's a giant party boy jock not fucking stupid. He's canonically very witty and clever in a second language and good at his job. 😒 also Shane is his enabler and competitor not his bitch wife. Shane wouldn't make him sleep on the couch, he'd be egging him on.

[smokingrozanov]

Troy watching RuPaul’s Drag Race with Harris for the first time trying to find something to comment on. So eventually he’s like. It’s really cool that they found twins this into drag to host the show. Harris looks at him & asks what he means. Troy goes y’know, Ru & Paul. It’s nice that Ru handles the catwalk stuff so that Paul can just go chat with the queens backstage. Harris pauses the episode & is like. Do you think those are two different people? & Troy is like well yeah obviously. Paul is bald Ru has hair?

[hutsonwoolyums]

It’s too thin of a read for me to ever actually write up, but my brain has been circling a whole Shane and Ilya/water vs. ice thing all day. Like their earliest moments of attraction happen around water (the showers) and then at the cottage they’re surrounded by water all the time. Meanwhile hockey (ice) is the thing keeping them distant. Anyway, something something “melting the ice” you get it.

[phruit-salad]

The pwhl expansion player distribution process is a lot like the cat distribution system except i don't get a cat and also it makes me nervous

[phruit-salad]

Is there a Kiss His Tits Tuesday and if not can we make one

[fluorescent-iridescent]

does it ever drive you crazy just how fast the night changes or whatever they say

[bisexualincarnate]

I think Shane Hollander would use his hometown superstar hockey powers to rent out the Ottawa stadium for one night maybe for like one of their anniversaries so he and Ilya could be completely alone and maybe they actually suit up and play 1v1 for awhile (hard and fast of course. like the golden age) and maybe it is actually too cold to fuck on center ice so instead they feel each other up in the actual Sin Bin bc Obviously but Shane stops it from going too far so they go to the locker room bc Shane wants to roleplay the first time in the showers after the commercial except this time he actually gets to do what he really wanted to do and suck Ilya off right there in the middle of the shower and he doesn't have to worry about anyone there but maybe they pretend they will get caught a little bit...

[iwrotemrtambourineman]

shane hollander spends the whole of his life going “leopards are stalking me and they are going to eat me if they catch me” and everyone laughs it off and goes that’s not going to happen that’s crazy and then the leopards that have been stalking him do catch him and eat him and everyone’s response is not “we’re so sorry for not believing you about the leopards” its “well getting eaten by leopards wasn’t that bad, was it?”

[sidneywokeby]

nhl goalie problems: like 3 teams have a legit great goalie. league sv% below .900 for the first time in a william years. every goalie streaky and prone to suddenly throwing a series.

pwhl goalie problems: every team has three goalies who should be starters. worst GAA in the league would be middle of the pack in the nhl. nobody can score a fucking goal bc they're all brick walls.

[shutoutshutup]

yeah.