jester

lifesteal & divorcesteal sideblog

[piercingclowns]

jest - adult - they/them

artblog is @minikaibacorp

interact from gaysetokaibas

i don't really care for a dni - i block liberally. if we're cool outside of tumblr and i don't fb it's not personal. i don't agree with boundary policing but don't take that as the go-ahead to be abnormal on my posts. i also don't fw duo names and mash names together like ships - please just assume most things are platonic unless otherwise specified. i do rarely ship here though... be warned...

this is a lifesteal centric blog but i do also post heavily about my own minecraft smps + lore

[tojad-lisi]

[dismp] what would you do with only one week to live?

just have fun with friends ^w^ well, i'd wish a specific person was there with me, but uhmmmm they're kinda gone now haha >_>"

[lowkeywaffling]

not gonna make a pride month tweet.. you guys know how i feel about it

[conarcoin]

Interview with the vampire is set in 2022. Do you think the vampire armand watched dsmp between sessions

you people will literally ask me anything

[arceoptryx]

i miss you

i miss you too, ill be waiting here if you need me

[kamariaki]

(dismp) who has abandoned you?

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all things considered, i'm handling it pretty well.

Jill's Diary, Resident Evil 3: Nemesis | divorcesteal s2 | The Gold Demon, Ozaki Kōyō | Pinterest | Forgotten Chapels, Francis Meslet | Pinterest | A New Hamlet, Dazai Osamu | divorcesteal s2 | achillesinhighheels, tumblr | joelpersels, tumblr | 93749185789183, tumblr | divorcesteal s2 | Pinterest | Pinterest | Pinterest | Pinterest | Every Day, David Leviathan | divorcesteal s2 | Paul Auster | Twins in Paradise (2020), Vewn | "Separate Ways", The Oxford Book of Japanese Short Stories, Higuchi Ichiyō | Twins in Paradise (2020), Vewn

[curseofthewerewolf]

Zero effort doodles one two three go

Let's take it all with us, we take bing and we leave

[arceoptryx]

[dismp] i think ur very endearing please change

“DO YOU EVEN LOOK AT ME”

You tried what everyone told you to. You inserted yourself, played along. Didn’t leave out of fear when you know you should have. You’re rewarded for it with an axe to the skull and the shattering of a mask you hadn’t even worn for an hour. What else could you have expected? You deserved it. It takes you an hour to pull yourself out of the ground, another 30 minutes to feel confident enough to return to your base, and another 20 to realize a hole had been blown in the front where a room once stood. Fortunately, you were already crying so you wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of being the one to break you. The words remind you of yourself. Of someone who can never have enough. You reach out, you apologize where appropriate, you invite yourself along, and you try to make it work. But you can’t give more than you have. You don’t even know what they want from you. They would never tell you in words you could understand. And you think for a second that this will be like any other time. You two would fight, say horrible things about each other, clear things up, and the next week forget it ever happened. You could try and justify yourself. Say there's more to it. That everything is not how it looks. The void in your soul is shallower then theirs, so be the bigger person and make it up.

And then you realize just how often it happens. And you realize that before Blue even read the signs in the thorn that it had started the conversation with the intent to be an asshole to you over the destruction. Not because it was destructive. But because it wasn’t destructive in the right way for their taste. So why should you try to appeal to someone who always seemed like they went in with the intention to take your words in the worst way possible. You had written those signs for them. They were the one who demanded more drama about it. And they never intended to read you in good faith.  So why did you care?

You never wanted to be a good person. You wanted people to see you as you actually are. Not their ideal of you. Not the you that you could have been to them. The you to some that was only valuable to them as their lover. The you to some that was only cherished when you were on their side. The you to them that could execute any plan. The you to them who gave everything you had for the world. You, who had always weighed yourself as greater than the needs of an entire world. You, who was the world to only one. So it never mattered what your objective was, it never mattered what you had to say, it never mattered your reasoning. What mattered was that it was uncontrollably, un-changeably You.

The better version of you that lives in their heads, that causes such disappointment when compared to you must be a beautiful woman. You understand why so many people think you would be prettier shattered into pieces on the ground.

“I LOVED YOU. I STILL DO. BUT GOD DO I NOT WANT YOU ANYWHERE NEAR ME”

So you cried about it the night it happened. And when the sun rose the next morning you resolved yourself to only care about the opinions of people who can stand to love you as you are.

[kamariaki]

do you believe in good luck charms?

Just like a little bit like a normal amount it’s not

[arceoptryx]

[dismp] what do you want from the end?

sorry for the non answer!

[baffledandbewildered]

[dismp] have you been cursed?

no.

but nonetheless: things were good for a little while.

not for long.

there's no such thing as freedom, anyway.

Emily Skaja, “I Liked Myself Better as an Exquisite Skeleton” // cczpoems // Adonis, ‘Beginnings of the Body, Ends of the Sea’ ​(trans. Khaled Mattawa) // Anne Sexton // Trista Mateer // echoes // Noah Kahan, Dan // Sharon Olds, True Love // Emily Skaja (prev) // home // Emily Skaja (prev) // Hieu Minh Nguyen, from “Outbound” // Adonis, ‘Beginnings of the Body, Ends of the Sea’ ​(trans. Khaled Mattawa)

[piercingclowns]

lobby and dizzy drive me fucking crayz IMGONNA BE SICKKKKK

[piercingclowns]

]BRO SOULBOUND BVIDEO IS SO FUCKING GpoDDDDDDD

[piercingclowns]

MY SB LEZY MY SB LOBBY MY SB TWIRPS AUUUUUUUWAHUHWEFIJWOAIEFJOWLEFJ

[piercingclowns]

rbro i literaly like

[piercingclowns]

SOULBOUND LOBBY IOS LITERALLY MY SON

[piercingclowns]

]BRO SOULBOUND BVIDEO IS SO FUCKING GpoDDDDDDD

[piercingclowns]

MY SB LEZY MY SB LOBBY MY SB TWIRPS AUUUUUUUWAHUHWEFIJWOAIEFJOWLEFJ

[piercingclowns]

rbro i literaly like

[piercingclowns]

]BRO SOULBOUND BVIDEO IS SO FUCKING GpoDDDDDDD

[piercingclowns]

MY SB LEZY MY SB LOBBY MY SB TWIRPS AUUUUUUUWAHUHWEFIJWOAIEFJOWLEFJ

[piercingclowns]

]BRO SOULBOUND BVIDEO IS SO FUCKING GpoDDDDDDD

[divorcesteal]

The Divorcesteal Mod Is Now Public

For those who don't know we have been using a custom lifesteal mechanic mod made by our wonderful modder friend pneumono @pneumonounderscore This mod has all the basic lifesteal features and adds a few new additions, most notably the revive mechanics involving bounties for randomly rolled player heads and a participant vs non lifesteal mechanic participant system.

You can download it here!