they|Renz|them @piglets-hope - Tumblr Blog

Why can't I forgive myself? How can I stop crying. I can't stop crying. I want these feelings to go away. I don't wanna feel anymore. I'm tired of being in love with somebody I hurt so deeply. They won't take me back, neither of us deserve that. I just wanna be able to live with myself. I don't wanna feel pain everytime I see my son. I don't wanna feel remorse when I see his mom. I want to be able to live without the regret of what I've done and the reality that's come to pass bearing down on me. He had a dream of building a life with me; but I was too deadbeat, too lazy, too stressed, too angry to love my family the way I should have. Now they're gone and I don't blame them. I can only blame myself and it takes every ounce of willpower everyday not to off myself for what I've done. He insists that we stay in each other's lives because he still cares about me and wants our son to have a father. It's the only thing keeping me here. I don't want to take my son's father away from him when his mother goes through so much pain to make sure he has a father. I'm thankful I have the opportunity to be a better father and friend to his mother; but that barely overshadows the looming reality in the back of my mind that they left me for a reason. One I can never go back on. I want him to know how I feel, but I know it won't change anything, and I don't want to risk him thinking I'm trying to manipulate him into coming back to me. I don't want him to want me. I want him to know that I see him. I hear him. More than I ever did before. We were high school sweethearts and I took our love for granted. I didn't fan it or nurture it: I just coasted. Coasted until the tank ran on empty. And just like the cliché, I didn't realize what I had until it was gone. Now I see a strong individual, with the pain of a lifetime on their back, working and going to school and raising a child against all the odds against him. I hear someone who felt trapped break free and embrace the beauty they've always had. I see someone I never deserved in the first place. I should've let him go when we were still friends in high school. I didn't deserve the happiness he gave me, and he didn't deserve the pain I gave him. I love my son, and I love his mother; and that's why I wish they had never met me.

eliminated

understands

darkestcinema

renaissance in the 21st century

serenata-your-neighborhood-lefty

mayflower-gal

“I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.”

-Stephen Jay Gould.

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This quote is great because so was Einstein himself! He never saw himself as a genius, as a mind like no other. He saw himself as a guy who studied alot and he was very dedicated to give that opportunity to others. He also spoke very openly against racism and was one of the few professors that thought black people at the time. Here are some great pictures of him in 1946

serenata-your-neighborhood-lefty

Adding onto this: I really recommend Einstein’s short, entry-level essay “Why Socialism?”, found here. It’s ~10 min read and it does a great job of explaining the crux of socialism.

Here are some of his major points:

The individual and society form a symbiotic relationship. A healthy individual needs a healthy society and a healthy society needs healthy individuals.

Capitalism undermines democracy by concentrating wealth into the hands of an economic elite, which in turn funds a political elite to represent its interests in government. The ultra-rich also control the media and educational systems to manipulate public opinion and prevent free thought. (Here Einstein is pre-empting Noam Chomsky and Ed Herman’s propaganda model).

Capitalism’s profit motive entails human needs going unmet to satisfy human greed.

The “worst evil” of capitalism is the crippling of individuals, which begins in school where an exaggerated competitive attitude is inculcated into the student.

A transition to socialism is necessary to overcome these problems, and is in fact imperative to avert constant warfare and ecological catastrophe. We need a fully democratic society where society’s productive capacity is not concentrated into the hands of a few, but owned by workers and society itself.

killingyves

a longing for, and to be closer to, the moon

tumblr // saiba 1858 // crying for the moon, francis ferdinand maurice cook // pretty guardian sailor moon // ah, moon—and star!, emily dickinson // why not, loona // richard siken // theseafiles // two girls on a veranda beside a stream with the moon, suzuki harunobu // rumi

detergentbubble

[...] And while outside, crackers burst, for a new year that they await. My coffee is cold, while I lie in the lonely dust. [...] Tell me how does it feel, dust ? to be touched by a person?"

Pablo Buruni // Death on New Year

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I am the moon and I am the clouds and I am the darkness dotted with stars and I am the sunlight illuminating it all. I am sad prose and I am sunshine-like poetry and I am prosaic myths and I am eternal legends and I am the verse that makes the spectator shed a tear and I am the full stop that tells them that the show is over. I am all the instruments in one and I am their sweet melodies and I am their melancholic symphonies and I am the jarring emotions elicited by music. I am the canvas and I am the artist and I am the strokes of colour and I am the white spaces in between. I am the sombre silence accompanying my plight and I am the deafening cacophony that punctuates it and I am the numbing euphony of a death knell. I am the dramatis personae and I am the withered hands of the weeping writer and I am the red curtain that must fall soon. I am the rustling of leaves and I am bare autumn branches and I am the time that brings about the seasons. I am the hesitant glances lovers pass to each other and I am the passionate touch that follows and I am the cruel claws of death that bring an end to their stories and I am the nature that blooms those anemones they plant in their gardens to mourn their lovers. I am the blackthorn tree that fuels my lover’s pyre. I am lightning in a bottle and I am the chirping sparrow and I am the cries of the scared crow and I am the rain that their wings are soaked in. I am the waves of the ocean crashing against inviting shores and I am the unfathomable darkness the ocean’s depths contain and I am the sliver of light that illuminates a fraction of the seas. I am all the colours of love stacked on top of one another and I am the muddy black those colours make. I am the embryonic paths that dreamers walk on and I am the sunshine they drink for breakfast to keep themselves going and I am the little nudge that encourages them to carry on and I am the evanescent whisper of darkness that invites them to give up. I am one without a dwelling place and I am my home and I have some homes scattered about just in case I lose my way back into myself. I am nature in moderation and I am nature brimming with itself, scorching hills and setting the sky on fire. I am the ephemeral moment when one caresses their bruises and wonders if this is what love is supposed to feel like and I am the tears one sheds upon realising that perhaps this is not love and I am the warm burn of the tears that reminds them that they have love within themselves, that they just have to wait a little longer until it resurfaces. I am the night sky that spills into my mind and makes a mess and I am the moonlight that pours in soon after to clean it up. I am the days and nights perfumed with grief and I am the fleeting moments of exuberance that linger longer than that perfume and I am the air that carries the grief away from my being and I am the winds that threaten to bring it back and I am the windows that ward these winds off. I am the builder of sand castles and I am the waves that destroy them and I am birth and I am death and I am the reverberating silence in between. I am the wilted sunflower and I am the blooming forget-me-not. I am the whole universe. I am myself.

Yet we're still bleeding from wounds we don't know of, and I am trying to dream myself back into existence.

(I really hope the future holds kinder memories.)