i’ll never be able to see your face and not feel my heart crack a little bit.
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@pinkcarnationhummingbird
i’ll never be able to see your face and not feel my heart crack a little bit.
how does the sound of your name cause a physical pain in my chest?
maybe if we weren’t so young,
we wouldn’t have made it so bad,
and i wouldn’t be so mad.
holding back saying “i love you” in august,
while grinning on the phone wondering if it’s too early to say it.
holding back saying “i love you” in may,
while crying on the phone wondering if it’s too late to say it.
i then realized that people will always think of you when they think of me
it makes sense
i was consumed by you while you kept me at a distance
you were yourself while i was a reflection of you
ill never escape you.
part of me hopes that we don’t make eye contact because you know deep down this wasn’t how it was supposed to end.
i was too weak to say it then but i’m strong enough to say it now.
sometimes i think that there is no hope for me,
and then i have lunch with the people who saw me at my lowest,
and are still choosing to have me in their life,
i realize that even if there is no hope for me,
i can always hope for them.
in the dream i keep a secret,
i hold your hand in the car.
in my dreams it’s still july,
and it’s not too late.
i hope that someday i am a little easier to love.
in another lifetime,
i hope everything is exactly the same,
except i hug my friends a little tighter,
and i hold you a little longer.
all i ever do is remember,
the past lives inside me as a part of my soul always longing for familiarity,
memories try to escape with every heartbeat,
and my younger self yells as i drive away from home.
what do i do when i seem to be the only one who remembers?
where do i put it?
where do i go?
it’s impossible to remember every detail,
but i do remember you.
i miss you on my calmest sunday mornings and my busiest friday nights.
the adrenaline is what kept us up those late summer nights,
this new feeling stirring inside of me.
talking, laughing, kissing,
two girls discovering eachother’s histories, secrets, and desires.