Content Warnings- Violence, Gore, Torture, Illusions to Suicide, Reader's Mental Health isn't goodAttempted Assault, Character Death. This chapter gets pretty dark, so please take care while reading.
Chapter Summary- The Calf Communion is meant to be a time to celebrate. But this year's communion will be a time for war, and maybe a time for justice.
wc- 13.6k
Previous Chapter
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Time seems to stop when you see the knife in Jake’s hand move to slit Spider’s throat. You collapse to your knees when you see Jake’s figure make a stabbing motion before kneeling down to hold what you can only assume is Spider’s corpse.
How could he?
Spider is like your child. And he just killed him. Didn’t even have the courage to discuss it with you. He obviously discussed it with Neytiri, probably long before this incident. So why didn’t he talk to you, too? Are you not trustworthy?
Who are you kidding? You know you’re not.
You’re a liar.
A cheater.
He knows. He must know. That’s why he couldn’t trust you enough to tell you about this.
You don’t hear anything; you can’t hear anything besides the erratic and labored breaths you’re taking as you clutch onto your spasming heart.
“MaSyulang, get up, please.” You can barely hear Neytiri over the deafening ringing in your ears. You don’t even react as she pulls you over to the surely gruesome sight. “MaJake! MaJake!” Neytiri’s voice is breathless, not from physical exhaustion—no, she’s far too fit for that—but from mental and spiritual anguish.
When you both collapse in front of the pair, you keep your eyes shut. You couldn’t bear to see the corpse of a child you cared for lying in his killer’s arms. You can’t. What will you say to the children? To Lo’ak? To Kiri? Will you lie to them and spare Jake by telling them that the Mangkwan killed him? Or will you tell the truth and have them hate Jake for the rest of their lives?
Suddenly, you feel a hand reach out to your face and use its thumb to wipe away your tears. It’s small. Too small to belong to your mates. Too small to belong to a Na’vi.
Your eyes snap open to see Spider looking right at you, and a weak smile covers his face as Jake holds him protectively. Your body moves before you can even think, and you pull Spider into a protective embrace. You aren’t able to say anything; you just keep holding onto him.
He’s alive!
Neytiri rustles beside you and lifts one of her hands to rest on Spider’s cheek. “I see you.” This gesture is deeply profound, coming from Neytiri. She’s always been distant towards the humans that remained on Pandora; you were her only exception. So seeing her accept the boy you’ve grown to care for over the years warms your heart. Although it quickly cools when you look at your husband.
How could he?
“Whatever happens, it won’t be this way,” Jake says, looking at Neytiri first and then at you.
“Then we will find another way.” Neytiri says resolutely.
Jake pulls Spider and Neytiri into his embrace, but when he tries to do the same to you, you dodge his touch. Instead, opting to glare at him. His ears fall flat, and an uncomfortable expression dawns on his face; he knows he was wrong.
“Baby, I—Look—” Jake tries to speak, but you raise your hand to him with your palm facing him, a typical Na’vi gesture for rejection. You’re furious right now, and you know that if he continues to speak, you will say something you’ll regret, although it’s obvious that he’s never had that concern.
“We should get going. There may be some stray Mangkwan trying to follow us. We’re in no shape to fight.” You say only to Neytiri, completely ignoring Jake. Neytiri nods in agreement, and you stand up alongside Spider and guide him to Sa’ata. You can feel Jake’s eyes burning holes in the back of your head, but you pay him no mind. The only way you’re able to feign sanity is by pretending like he doesn’t exist.
How could he? How could he do this to you? Ever since the RDA came back, he’s consistently put your thoughts and opinions on the back burner. He only consults Neytiri. He treats you like you don’t matter, despite all the sacrifices you’ve made. Unconsciously, one of your hands drifts to your abdomen.
The baby.
It should bring you joy, but you can’t muster that emotion. Every emotion is swirling in your body except happiness. You’re already a terrible mother. Neytiri was ecstatic each and every time she found out she was pregnant, so why can’t you? She had that maternal love instantly, and here you are defective and disgraced. You can’t do anything right.
You’re a failure.
A bad mom.
A bad wife.
A disgrace—No.
You cannot start down that rabbit hole, not again, not now. You’re pregnant, even though it’s early; you’re still very much pregnant. You can’t get stressed. Anxiety and high emotions will only cause problems, and you’ll feel worse if something happens to the baby because of you. Stay calm, you must stay calm. You must push down your emotions. You have to push them, deep, deep down.
“Y/N, are you okay?” Spider’s hesitant question startles you, and you realize that a lone tear is trailing down your eye. You quickly put on a brave face and blink the tear away.
“Yeah, I’m just happy that you’re okay.” It’s the truth, a half-truth, but still the truth.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The flight back to Awa’atlu is tense. Even though he’s right behind you, trying to make conversation, you ignore Jake as if he’s nothing more than an annoying bug buzzing by your ear.
“Mommy!” You hear the cries of your youngest as she runs up to you as you get off Sa’ata. A trail of fat, wet tears flows down her face as she does so. You immediately bend down to her level and scoop her up into a warm embrace. “I-I was so scared, sa’nu. Neteyam told me to stay strong—I tried, I really did, but I was still scared.”
You gently shush her and rub soothing circles across her back. “I’m sorry, ma’ite, I didn’t mean to scare you. You’ve been so brave.”
Your eyes scan over your other children, and your ears fall flat when you realize your youngest son isn’t there. “Lo’ak isn’t back yet?” There’s no point in your question; you already know the answer, especially when they both refuse to look you in the eye.
“Baby, we should meet with Tonowari and Ronal.” You continue to ignore your husband, instead deciding to focus on your kids, much to his displeasure. “Neteyam, take Spider and the girls and go back to the marui.” Being the obedient son he is, Neteyam quickly follows Jake’s order.
“C’mon, baby, we need to discuss what we’re going to do to protect the tulkun.”
You angrily stand up and glare at your husband. “Oh, so now you care to discuss things with me.”
“Don’t be like that, baby. You know I value your input.” Jake tries to reach for your hand, but you slap it away.
“You value my opinion? That’s the funniest shit I’ve heard you say in a while.” You scoff and the former olo’eyktan.
“MaSyulang, we do value—”
You raise your hand up to Neytiri, interrupting her mid-sentence. “I’m mad at you, too, Neytiri, and I’m not in the mood to listen to more lies. I’m going to bathe, and I want you both to leave me alone. I don’t care what you decide to do; it’s not like my opinion ever mattered.” You turn to find a nearby spring to wash off the grime from the previous night, but you feel a hand tightly grip your wrist.
“Baby, just come with us. You should be there.” You hate how sincere he’s sounding. You hate yourself even more for letting your heart soften just a little.
You shake him off. “Toruk Makto knows best.” You know it’s a low blow. You know how Jake feels about being Toruk Makto. You know the guilt and pain he carries because of that title. You know you shouldn’t have said that, but a part of you doesn’t care. You want to cause him to feel just a fraction of the pain he’s caused you.
Just ahead of you, you see the hulking form of the Olo’eyktan and his heavily pregnant wife quickly making their way to you. “Jakesully, I thought the demon ships carried you away. How did you return?” Tonowari asks.
“There’s no time for that. Brother, it pains my heart to say this, but there is going to be a massacre. The Sky People are coming to hunt the tulkun, all of them, during the calf communion.”
You see panic flicker in Ronal and Tonowari’s faces, but that’s quickly replaced with determination. “The pink skins bring nothing but death and destruction, but even this is a new low.” Ronal’s teeth grind against themselves as she seethes with rage. “To needlessly and excessively hunt during such a sacred time, I do not have the words to describe the depravity of the demons.”
Although Tonowari appears much more composed compared to Ronal, you don’t miss the slight tremors in his hand as he grips his staff. “How do we stop them, Jakesully?”
“Isn’t it obvious. Jake flies Toruk, and we gather the clans once more. Toruk Makto appears during times of Great Sorrow. This is a time of Great Sorrow.” You state bluntly.
At this point, it doesn’t matter if Jake doesn’t want to fly Toruk again or not; he must do it regardless. Jake grimaces at your statement while Tonowari nods in agreement.
“She is right. You must fly Great Toruk once more.” The olo’eyktan reaches out to firmly grasp Jake’s shoulder. “Where is Toruk, Jakesully?”
“I don’t know, but I have to find him quickly.”
“Connect to the Spirit Tree, Jake. The Great Mother will show you the way.” Neytiri says, resting her hand on Jake’s other shoulder. Your husband nods in agreement, and the trio goes off to the Spirit Tree, but not before Neytiri realizes that you’re not following. “Are you not coming, maSyulang?”
“Just go. Don’t worry about me.” Your tone comes off harsher than you intended; even Ronal is surprised as she raises a hairless brow. Neytiri looks a little hurt but decides not to push it and continues to the Spirit Tree.
Ronal continues to look at you with suspicion, like she can tell that something is wrong, but chooses not to say anything at the moment.
“Tsahìk, can you examine me?”
“What is the problem?”
You look around; there are too many people around, and you fear that you’re still within earshot of your mates even though they’re barely within eyesight.
“I would prefer to discuss this in private… please.” Ronal continues to look at you with suspicion but leads you to the healing marui nevertheless. When you reach the marui, Ronal gestures for you to sit on the woven mat.
“What is wrong with you?” Ronal asks bluntly. “What is so wrong with you that you want to be in private, away from your mates?”
You look around the mauri nervously, subconsciously biting your lip. Why is it so hard to say it now? Is it the fear of this feeling like reality? Who knows. But you have to get over it.
“Can you see if I’m pregnant?”
Ronal looks at you, surprised. “You've yet to be in this body for even a full cycle; what makes you think you’re with child?”
“I was told…last night.” You don’t have the courage to look at Ronal after your confession comes out meekly.
“I see…” Ronal trails off, unsure as to what to say exactly. “Well, I cannot verify if what the demons said is true. I’ve had plenty of overzealous couples come to me right after mating, asking about a pregnancy to know that it’d be too early to tell; only Eywa knows.”
You should’ve known better. Of course, it’d be too early to tell without the advanced scans and tests the RDA has. You already know the truth. So why does it matter whether Ronal confirms it or not?
Ronal picks up on your mood rather quickly. Although it’s not like your body language and face show anything besides worry and fear.
“Most mothers are excited when they find out they’re pregnant. You are not.” It’s not a question; it’s a statement.
“I’m just confused. I came to terms with never being pregnant since humans and Na’vi can’t have biological children together. I was okay with that. I have children whom I love more than anything in the world; it never mattered to me that they didn’t come from my womb.
“But now, after one morning, I’m pregnant. This is the worst time this could’ve happened. I’ve nearly died twice in less than a month, we’re on the brink of war with not only the RDA but a Na’vi clan as well, and worst of all, Jake's and my relationship has never been worse. I should be happy, but I’m not.”
Even though you’re not looking at her, you can feel Ronal’s eyes focusing on you; it’s making you feel a little exposed, and your tail curls around you as you try to close your body off. It’s like she’s looking right through you, all your fears and insecurities. It’s like she’s seeing you.
“I take it that your mates don’t know about this- the pregnancy or your fears?”
Your eyes widen in panic at the mention of your mates. “Please do tell them!” You blurt out.
“This isn’t something you should keep from your mates. They have a right to know.” Ronal’s tone is reminiscent of a mother scolding a petulant child.
“I will, just not right now.”
“I don’t think you understand how import—”
“It is you who doesn’t understand!” You take a moment to collect yourself. “Now is not the time to tell them. Besides the fact that we’re going to war, we agreed that Tuk would be our last kid.
“Not to mention that it’s still so early that anything could happen. Where I came from, women were miscarrying left and right to the point where the government had to step in so it didn’t lose too many workers.
“I could miscarry at any moment, and I couldn’t live with myself if they got happy about this pregnancy only for me to lose it. So please, let me wait for the right moment to tell them.”
The tsahìk looks like she wants to tell you off more but decides against it. “Is there anything else you need from me?”
You think about it. You’ll need some plants for when you ultimately see him again. You know your way around toxic and poisonous plants from your time with Mo’at, but that was the forest, and now you’re on an island. Who other than the tsahìk would know the local flora and all its possible uses?
“No.” Ultimately, you decide against asking her. She’s already suspicious of you, and there’s no way she won’t question you for wanting to get hold of poisonous plants. You can’t risk her telling Jake or Neytiri and having your plans fall apart. You doubt if they’d understand and support you in this endeavor.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
When Jake found out about Toruk’s location, it was all hands on deck. Everyone who could join did. Jake even managed to get in contact with some of the other Avatars at High Camp and ask them to meet at the rendezvous point with the Omatikaya warriors. All the children joined as well, much to Jake’s disapproval. All the children except one, Lo’ak.
As Jake climbs up the mountain, you can’t help but let your mind drift to your youngest son. Is he okay? Has he eaten? Did the other children find him? You want nothing more at the moment than to hug your son. You’ll hug him so tight that he’ll whine about being squished, and then you’ll scold him like never before because how could he worry you like that? Especially after Kiri told you about his attempt. You just want your son back.
The loud squack of Toruk breaks you out of your daydream. He truly lives up to his name—“Last Shadow”— as he glides down, blocking the sun so that the only thing you see is his shadow.
The Na’vi around you look up with astonished gazes plastered all over their faces, but you can’t blame them. Toruk Makto is one of the most important figures for the Na’vi; so to not only live during the time of Toruk Makto but to see him in action must be something so utterly profound for them.
You feel a small hand wrap around yours; you know it’s Tuk, and you just know that she’s grinning ear to ear to see her father ride the Great Toruk. “It’s Daddy!”
The debris that Toruk kicks up as he lands causes a few of the Na’vi to shield their eyes, but Neytiri simply closes her eyes and takes in the moment. She’s always loved Jake being Toruk Makto.
You feel the grip on your hand tighten once Toruk finally lands and lets out his last roar. Even though her father is riding this majestic creature, Tuk is still a child, and it’s only natural for her to be frightened by seeing a predator this large up close. To soothe your baby, you pick her up without even being asked, and hold her close. You know she’s in no danger, but calming her down hurts nobody.
“Toruk Makto!” Tonowari shouts before he kneels as a sign of respect. The other Na’vi quickly follow suit.
Jake gets uncomfortable with the gesture real quick. “Please stand up.”
Jake, Neytiri, Tonowari, Ronal, and Tarsem form a little circle while you stay away with the children. The pain of so easily being left out has dulled. You’ve always been the unimportant one.
“Go now to the clans within a day’s ride and tell them Toruk Makto calls to them.” Even from a distance, you can see and hear when Jake has to force himself to say those last five words. It’s obvious that his mind has drifted back to the battle that happened almost two decades ago. You know the guilt and sorrow he carries from being Toruk Makto. “And you tell them, the day has come.”
Without delay, the Na’vi split themselves into groups to find as many neighboring clans as they could. From the forest to the sea, all clans would be asked to join the battle. Everyone else has already left, and all that’s left is your little family of 7.
“Neytiri, Jake, you both should take the children to High Camp; the ikran have flown with too much weight on them for too long, so I’ll make my way back on my own.”
Neytiri scrunches her hairless brows in confusion at your suggestion. “No, it’s too dangerous, tìyawn.”
“We’re going to war tomorrow; it’s already dangerous!” You counter.
“Us going to war is exactly why you shouldn’t be wandering around the forest alone.” Jake’s comment causes you to roll your eyes.
“I’m not some helpless child. I know how to navigate the forest. I’ve done it for over a decade; I can do it again.” Neytiri tries to grab your hand as you speak, but you avoid her touch. The action clearly hurts her, so you have to harden your heart to pay her no mind.
“Baby, you’re our wife; we can’t just let you put yourself in unnecessary danger.”
You glare at Jake, and you feel your fingernails dig into your palms. You want to yell at him, and you almost do, but then you remember that your children are sitting on rocks not too far from you. You won’t cause a scene, not in front of them.
“You are lucky the children are here, or else I’d tear you a new one.” You hiss at your husband. In the end, you end up on Sa’ata with Neytiri, Tuk, and Neteyam.
“Ma’itan, how is your wound?” You ask Neteyam after gazing at his bandaged skin for a while. Mo’at will definitely be able to treat him better once you reach High Camp.
“It’s still itchy, but not as much as before.” Your eldest answers honestly.
“I’m sure your grandmother will be able to make something to help you.”
For the duration of the short flight, you make small talk with your children. You avoid talking to Neytiri. You hope the kids don’t notice the tension in your marriage, but your children are sometimes too smart for their own good, so it’s likely that they’ve picked up on the tension. But thankfully, neither one of them asks about it, and you make it to High Camp with no problems.
“Grandmother!” You hear the excited little voice of Tuk as she immediately runs to her grandmother the second you help her off of Sa’ata. The other children follow suit.
“You both should hurry to the other clans. There isn’t much time.” You say flatly, avoiding eye contact. “Fly safe.” Even if you’re upset with them, you still wish them well, but you don’t give them time to respond before walking off to Mo’at and the children.
When you make your way to your mother-in-law, you greet her with the traditional ‘I see you’ gesture. “Ma’itetsyìp, how are you?” The tsahìk asks with a warm smile on her face.
“I’m well, Mo’at.” It’s the most generic answer you can muster up. Sometimes you would confine in Mo’at, but now is not the time. Mo’at knows you and can tell that you’re not being honest, but she doesn’t push it.
“Where is Lo’ak?” Mo’at asks, causing the other children to stiffen and nervously look around at the mention of their brother.
“We don’t know; he ran away a few days ago.” You answer honestly. “Some Metkayina children went after him, but we don’t know where they are either.
Mo’at takes a moment to take in the information. “He will be alright. He is a strong and stubborn child. Eywa will watch over him.” Mo’at’s words seem to comfort the children.
“Matsahìk, can you watch the children? I have to do something.”
“I’ll gladly watch my grandchildren; I’ve missed them so much.”
“Sa’nu, where are you going?” Tuk asks.
Before you could answer your daughter, you hear a loud squack before you feel yourself being knocked to the ground, only to see magenta scales with orange and yellow accents. “Srenton’ong!” You shout in glee at seeing your bonded after being apart for weeks. “I’ve missed you too! Lemme see your wing.”
When you stand up, you begin to examine Srenton’ong’s wing. There’s only a faint scar from where he was shot. Tears start to form in your eyes when you can see that your bonded is okay.
“Sa’nu?”
You were so caught up with Srenton’ong that you nearly forgot to answer Tuk’s question. “I need to find something, ma’ite.”
“Can I come?”
“I’m sorry, Tuk. But you need to stay here.” Tuk pouts a little but immediately perks up when Kiri asks her to help rebraid her hair.
It doesn’t take long for you to pack a small bag full of equipment from the lab, ready to begin your plan for revenge.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Your time learning about Pandoran plants has finally come to bare fruit. You know exactly what you’re looking for; txumtsä'wll, the baja tickler.
It’s as dangerous as it is vital for life on Pandora, and that danger is exactly why you need it.
The typical neurotoxins in Na’vi arrows aren’t going to be enough to sedate another Na’vi. Even if it could, the Na’vi wouldn’t create something to cause pain and distress to another.
“Sreton’ong, down there I see it!” You say, pointing down to a familiar clearing near a river.
Sreton’ong lands effortlessly, and once he does, you unlatch your pouch from his saddle. “Stay here; no matter what happens, do not get close to me.”
Your ikran lets out a dissatisfied grumble and side-eyes you with both sets of eyes. “Don’t give me that look.” You rub the top of his head to soothe him. “If something goes wrong, I need you to stay safe so you can get help.”
He chirps once again, still not completely okay with the plan. “Besides, I don’t know what I would do if something bad happens to you.”
After appeasing your bonded, you cover your face with a mask and cautiously make your way to the poisonous plant.
The plant is simple: extract the toxic liquid inside the plant and dip an arrow tip in it.
The only problem is that the plant could spew toxic gases at any moment, and if it doesn’t release gas, your extraction process could change the pressure inside the plant so much that the entire plant explodes. Needless to say, both options are less than ideal.
Nevertheless, you cautiously make your way to the large plant. Over the years, you’ve learned the basics of plant sampling and all the skills that come along with it. However, you’re not a xenobiologist by trade; you’re an anthropologist and a linguist. This is more Norm and Grace’s frontier, so your methods are less than perfect, but hopefully it’ll suffice.
You meet a bit of resistance when you attempt to stick the needle into the tough skin of the Baja Tickler. Sreton’ong makes sure to let out an audible grunt as if to say that this is a bad idea and that you should stop while you’re ahead.
You ignore the little nagging feeling in your gut and continue to insert the needle into the plant, this time with a little more force than you intended.
It’s faint, but you can hear a whistle sound come from where your needle was inserted. It’s like when you slowly release the air out of a balloon. All you can do is pray to the All Mother that you will remain safe in this endeavor.
It seems as though your prayers were answered, as you can see tiny drops forming through the tube that’s connected to the needle.
Drip by minuscule drip flows through the tube into your jar. It’s a painstakingly slow process. Even after nearly ten minutes, you’ve barely collected even a milliliter of liquid. Although you don’t need much, you still need enough liquid to dip one arrow. Since this is going to take a while, you decide to multitask.
Your hunting knife was confiscated by the RDA when you were captured, so you’ll need to make a new one before the calf communion. Normally, you’d take great pride and care in crafting your hunting knife, but there is no pride to be had in this knife’s creation.
There will be no artistry, no care; all that matters is that you have something sturdy enough and that it causes that creature pain.
That will be its only purpose.
You scour the nearby riverbank for potential materials. Rocks, crystals, wood, just about anything could work. After some time, you find the perfect material. Well, more like you nearly tripped over it. A viperwolf tooth.
Sharp and sturdy, it’ll be the perfect thing to make your knife out of. After another brief period of gathering some wood, vines, and a rock, you make your way back to the Baja tickler to monitor the liquid flow as you work.
Using the knife, you begin chipping away at the tooth. Over and over, you smash the rock onto the tooth, creating jagged serrated edges. It’s not pretty, but you manage to shape the blade so that it’ll easily pierce into the flesh but will tear at the flesh coming out due to the way you carved the edges. When you finish securing the blade to the wood with the vines, you gently remove the needle from the baja tickler once you’ve collected enough liquid.
After getting far from the Baja tickler in case of a retroactive explosion, you take an arrow from Sreton’ong’s saddle and carefully dip the arrowhead into the toxic liquid.
The setup for your revenge is now complete.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Awa’atlu is buzzing with life now that several clans, both forest and ocean, are here prepared for war. Many new faces have joined alongside many old. Around midday is when every warrior has gathered around the cove to listen to the game plan.
“Alone we are weak, but together we are strong.” Jake begins, walking in front of the crowd to make sure everyone can get a glimpse of him. “One arrow will snap. But many arrows together cannot be broken. We cannot be broken!” Jake yells, throwing a bundle of arrows into the air. The crowd follows suit. Ululating, cheering, and brandishing their own weapons in the air.
“Some of you have fought the Sky People before; some of you haven’t. The Sky People are a threat that can be dealt with. You do not need to fear the metal birds they fly. Cautious, yes; afraid, no.”
At the mention of the Sampsons and Scorpions of the RDA, many of the Na’avi shiver.
“The wings are the weak spot. A well-placed shot or even a boulder will take the creature down.”
“And what of their metal fish, Toruk Makto?” The Ta’unui Olo’eyktan asks.
“The ones above the water are easy to deal with; there is minimal protection for the Sky People. It’ll be easy to land a hit. Aim for the whirling tail of the metal fish.”
Jake goes on and on about how to fight the Sky People. They’re the easy target, but they’re not going to be the main enemy.
“I’m going to be honest, the biggest challenge we face is not the Sky People, but rather other Na’vi.” A chorus of gasps echoes from the crowd. “The Mangkwan are probably the most experienced fighters on Pandora because of their constant raids. Any advantage we have against the RDA does not exist against the Ash. This will be the fight of our lives.”
The Mangwan are definitely a major threat. There’s no guarantee that they’ll show up, but the little that you know about General Ardmore leads you to believe that she would not be keen on allying with hostiles. While Ardmore would be against it, what’s stopping Quaritch from disobeying orders and bringing the Mangkwan?
Quaritch seems to be going rogue, and he appears to know the bloodthirsty tshahìk intimately, so the chance that the Mangkwan don’t show up is practically zero. As bad as it sounds, you need the Mangkwan to show up. Where the Ash are means Quaritch is nearby, and if Quaritch is nearby, so is Wainfleet.
That thought consumes your mind for the remainder of the day. Even through what may be your final communion with Eywa, even through the war festival, your mind stays focused on your plan.
What you’ll do when you see him. How you’ll make him suffer. Nothing else plagues your mind. Sleep even evades you as night comes.
The entire night you’re in a weird limbo between sleep and awake. Perhaps it’s the anxiety of what you’re going to do today that is preventing you from fully sleeping. Because you’re not fully asleep, you easily feel your husband’s hand placed on your shoulder, gently trying to wake you.
“What do you want, Jake?” You ask groggily.
“Tonowari has reached out to the elder Tulkun; we’re about to leave to ask them to help us in the fight. You should come.”
You scoff at him, eyes still closed. “You’re only asking me to come because I called you out on always excluding me. You’re only asking me so things can go back to normal.”
“Baby, I am sorry. I’m trying to make things right by doing the things I should’ve always done.” He uses his hands to gently tilt your head towards him, and you finally look at him. “Please let me do right by you.” Your heart softens at his sincerity. Anything can happen today, and despite all the hurt you feel, you can’t bring yourself to stay this mad at them when there’s a real possibility that you won’t see them in this life again.
“Okay.” Is all you say as you carefully move your arm from underneath Neteyam’s head.
Outside the marui, Neytiri, Tonowari, and Ronal are already waiting in the water on their mounts. Ronal and Neytiri are even on the same tsurak since they’re faster than ilu’s, and Neytiri doesn’t know how to ride one yet.
“You have yet to learn the way of water, so you should ride with Jakesully. There are some txampayse nearby for you to use.” Even though Tonowari speaks like it’s a suggestion, you know it’s not, so you get on Jake’s tsurak after he’s called it.
As your small group travels the short distance to the meeting point with the tulkun elders, you begin to feel your heart start racing. Normally, the beautiful scenery of the warm dappled light of the early morning sun dancing beneath the waves would calm you down. But today’s not a normal day. In just a few short hours, you will end a nightmare that has been plaguing you for far too long. It’s not long before you reach the meeting area. As Jake helps you onto the small rock, you can see the shadows of the tulkun elders beneath the waves.
You know the tulkun get big, but seeing how the great expanse of just their heads dwarfs you never fails to mesmerize you. If you were still in your human form, you’re sure you’d be no more significant than plankton to them. You can clearly tell which one is the Matriarch. She’s by far the largest and has the most ornate piercings and tattoos compared to the others. You all take a respectful kneel in front of the matriarch.
“Great Matriarch, wise elders, the Sky People are coming.” Jake begins with Tonowari acting as a translator. “Here, today. Right now. To kill our tulkun families. I beg you, fight with us.”
You’re unable to read the matriarch's expression upon hearing Jake’s request, and you’re definitely unable to understand her response, but thankfully you have Tonowari.
“She says, We respect Toruk Makto, but our ways are ancient.” The Matriarch speaks once more; the echoes of her words send ripples throughout the open ocean. “We believe that killing will only bring more killing, in an endless expanding spiral.”
Unsurprised, yet disappointed with the response, Jake rises to continue speaking. “Hear my words. The Sky People will never stop. Not until the last of the tulkun is hunted.”
After Jake’s words, all of the elders begin to whistle and smack their fins in rapid suggestion. Initially, you think that Jake’s words have upset them, but then you see it. To your left, you see a small group of tulkun juveniles entering the council with na’vi riding them.
“Lo’ak.”
You breathe out in relief at the sight of your son. Sure, his once blue skin is a burnt shade of purple, but he’s standing with all limbs intact as Payakan guides him in front of the Matriarch. It takes all of your strength not to run over to him and suffocate him in a hug.
“Lo’ak, what’re you doing? You can’t be here.” Jake scolds Lo’ak and walks up towards him, but you hold him back.
“I am Brother of Tulkun. I have the right to speak.”
“Lo’ak speaks the truth. You must listen.” Tsireya backs him up, doing sign language as well.
The Matriarch speaks once more, catching everyone’s attention. “She says, his brother is outcast. You have no standing here.” Tonowari makes sure to look Lo’ak in the eye as he translates the last part.
“If he is outcast, then I am outcast.”
“And I am outcast.”
“Daughter, silence.” Ronal tries to scold her daughter, but all that earns her is a glare from said child.
“No! You will never see me again!” Tsireya’s words are like a knife to Ronal’s heart. She’s left speechless with wide eyes and sadness plastered on her face.
“And I and my brother are outcast.”
“Aonung!” You can practically see an aneurysm forming in Tonowari’s brain.
“And we are also outcast.”
There is a brief pregnant pause. Everyone is staring at each other, saying nothing. The tension is so thick, it could be cut with a knife. That is, until the Matriarch speaks once more. “She says, you may speak.”
“Hear my words. My brother went back to his birth clan to defend them. But they were wiped out by the demon ships. Only Ta’nok survived because she fought back. Come forward.” Lo’ak gestures to a figure behind you, and it’s not long before you see who it is.
The scene in front of you is horrible. Words can hardly describe. A tulkun, no bigger than Payakan, is covered in scars, and her body is littered with metal harpoons that are embedded deep within her skin. There’s even one where her eyes would be. Several chunks of flesh are missing from her sides, her crest, and her fins. To say she was mutilated is an understatement. Only a monster could harm an innocent creature in this manner. Even a palulukan shows more mercy. The sight causes your knees to go weak; you would’ve fallen if it weren't for Jake holding you up. If you’re feeling this much pain, you can only imagine how Ronal and Tonowari feel, as they have a profound respect for and connection with the tulkun.
“Ta’nok says, I speak for the dead mothers and the dead calves. I speak for my people and all our songs. Gone. Forever.” As Tonowari translates, tears begin to brim in his eyes, and he sniffles, holding back the pain.
“She says, I am the last, the blind witness to our end.” You wipe away your own tears looking at Ta’nok. How could anyone be so cruel? You look over at your husband with red-rimmed eyes; he looks as stoic as ever, but you know that it’s just a front; he’s feeling as much pain as you are right now.
“Ta’nok says, The Tulkun Way must change. Payakan shows our path. We must fight.”
“We must fight!” Lo’ak yells, echoing Ta’nok’s words.
The Matriarch says very little before she and the other elders return to the water.
“What did she say?” Jake asks.
“They will decide.” Ronal replies
You can only hope that they will change their ways and fight alongside you.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
“Lo’ak, you call out to your son when you finally arrive back at Awa’atlu. He tried to run off the moment you all reached the village, but there’s no way you’d let that slide.
With his tail tucked between his legs and his ears pinned to his head, he makes his way to you all.
“What the hell were you thinking, boy, running off into the middle of the ocean without a word?” Jake scolded as soon as your son was in earshot.
“Lo’ak, you had us so worried.” Neytiri adds.
The boy avoids looking you in the eyes as he speaks. “I had to; none of you would’ve understood.” His tail whips around behind him in agitation. “Payakan was unfairly ostracized. None of you understand what it’s like to be alone, to have no one; I had to go to him. You would’ve stopped me.”
Jake opens his mouth to say something, but you beat him to it. “Lo’ak, come with me.” Your voice is soft yet stern, and it’s what makes your son finally look at you.
You gesture for your son to follow you. “I will handle this, trust me.” You say to your mates.
The walk is spent in silence as you gather your thoughts, and Lo’ak doesn’t know what to say. Once you reach a secluded area on the island, you turn to face your uncharacteristically quiet son.
There’s a moment of silence before you pull him into a crushing hug. The tears you’ve been holding in.
“You scared me half to death, Lo’ak.” You hold his head closer to you. “I was so worried about you.”
With shaky hands, your son reaches out to hug you back. “I’m sorry, Mom.” He confesses.
You nuzzle your cheek against his head, inhaling his scent. “I feared the worst, but I prayed that it wouldn’t happen.” Fearing to jinx it, you don’t bother explicitly saying what you thought. You both know what you’re referring to anyway.
“I’m sorry, Mom, but I had to go. Payakan needed me.”
You pull away from your son to look him in the eyes. Your hands are resting protectively on his shoulders. “I’m not upset at you for going to Payakan. I’m upset because you left without a word.”
“I was scared Dad was gonna stop me if he knew.”
Your eyes soften at his confession. “Sit with me for a moment. You don’t have to speak if you don’t want to, but I need you to listen.”
You both sit side by side on the pale yellow sand. Lo’ak curls his tail around his legs as he pulls them up to his chest.
“I know you and your father don’t always see eye to eye, but everything he does is out of love; you know that, right?”
His silence stings your heart. You never want your kids to think that any of their parents doesn’t love them.
You pull your son into a side hug, letting him rest his head on your shoulder as you both look at the ocean.
“Your father loves us dearly; that includes you too. He’s just terrible at showing it sometimes.
“Now don’t take this as me justifying his behavior, but I hope to at least explain it. A lot of his decisions are made out of fear. Fear of harm coming to us. Fear of losing us.
“In his head, it’s better for us to be mad at him because that means we’re okay and safe.” You blink back tears as you think back to the pain you felt when Jake made the unilateral decision to leave you behind all those months ago. “He’s lost a lot in life and feels a lot of guilt. If something happens to any of us, he’d never forgive himself.”
Lo’ak pouts and furrows his brows in the same manner you’ve seen your husband do when he’s frustrated. “But that doesn’t explain why he treats me like shit.”
You choose to ignore his cursing. “I’ve told you that you are like your father, haven’t I?” Lo’ak nods. “Well, he sees it too. Just in a different light.
“Instead of seeing his caring, playful, and protective side in you, he sees a version of himself that he hates in you. He sees an impulsive and reckless man who started a war and got people killed.
“He’s afraid that you’ll turn out like him. He doesn’t want you to carry the burden of countless lives dying from your actions as he does. He doesn’t want you to make the same mistakes as him.”
Lo’ak lowers his legs as he takes in your words. “He acts as if he hates me sometimes.”
You pull your son in closer to your embrace. “He doesn’t hate you; he’s just scared and shit at properly expressing his emotions.”
For a moment, the two of you sit in silence, listening to the gentle crash of the waves.
“I know you feel alone sometimes, like you don’t belong. I’ve felt that way for most of my life, especially while on Earth.”
Lo’ak’s eyes widen at your words. Normally, you’d avoid talking about your time on Earth. You’d give vague answers or only mention the training for the Avatar Program. So, for you to volunteer this information was shocking.
“I was all alone. I had no parents, siblings, or cousins. Not even a single friend. I could’ve died, and no one would’ve noticed, let alone mourned for me.
“There was a time when I felt so alone that I thought about giving up on life; having a friend during that time would’ve meant the world to me.”
You lower your head just enough to look at your son. “If you told me that you wanted to go to Payakan, I wouldn’t have stopped you. I know how important it’s to have someone by your side. I’d fight with your father if I had to.”
You press a kiss on his forehead. “So next time you’re feeling like this, come talk to me. I’m your mother, and I’ll always be there for you.”
Lo’ak doesn’t respond. Instead, he leans into your entrance, nuzzling his body against yours.
He won’t admit it, but you can hear the faint sound of sniffles coming from him when he smooshes his face against your shoulder.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
As the hours tick by, you can feel that the RDA is close by. Theoretically, you’re ready. You have plenty of arrows, including your poisoned ones, your bow has been tightened, and your knife sharpened. By all means, you’re as physically prepared as you can be.
“My Love, can you come here please?” You turn around to see Jake and Neytiri nearby with bowls of paint in their hands.
“Baby, I know that things have been strained between us, and we’ve done some things that we regret.” Jake speaks to you softly as soon as you arrive. “I hate that there’s not enough time for us to fix it, but I don’t want us to go into battle with you thinking that we don’t love and respect you.”
Neytiri uses her free hand to intertwine it with one of yours; you don’t avoid her touch. “MaSyulsng, I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused you.”
You start to feel tears forming in your eyes. Your emotions are confusing and contradictory. Despite everything, you still love them.
“I know you both love me. I’m only upset because I love you and you love me. If I didn’t love you both, I wouldn’t care.”
Jake reaches over to wipe away some of the tears that fell from your eyes. “I promise that if I survive this, I’ll do everything I can to fix my wrongs.”
You grab onto the hand on your face, nuzzling your cheek into his palm, looking at your husband with teary eyes. “Don’t talk like that, Jake; we’ll get through this. We always do.”
After that, your lovers begin decorating your body with paint. White, yellow, and teal patterns fill your lithe blue body. Due to wearing one of Neytiri’s tops that covers your chest and neck but not your back, the two of them spend most of their efforts on your face, back, and arms. The three of you remain in silence for the duration of the painting. So much needs to be said, so much wants to be said, yet nothing is said.
When they’re done, you cover your hand in the remaining teal paint and overlap your handprint with Jake’s on Neytiri’s chest. You’ve done this many times, yet you take a moment just to stare at it. Normally, your handprint would be significantly smaller than Jake’s; it would look as if a child had placed their hand on Neytiri. But now your handprint isn’t much smaller than Jake’s, and it takes up much more space over her heart.
“May Eywa guide us to safety and victory.” You say a small prayer for comfort. “We should find the children; it is almost time.”
There aren’t many places inside the little cave for the children to be, so it doesn’t take long for you to find them. As soon as Tuk sees you, she runs up to you with her arms open, hoping you’ll pick her up, which you do.
“I’m scared, mama.”
Her tiny, shaky voice makes part of your heart crack. She should have to experience this. No child should have to go through what she has.
“I know maTuktirey. I know. It’s okay to be a little scared.” You press a kiss to the top of her head as she begins to smush her face into the crook of your neck and cling onto you like a baby syaksyuk. “It’s okay to be scared, but we have to be brave. Remember, strong heart, no fear.”
Still holding Tuk, you look at your eldest daughter. “Kiri, come.” You shift Tuk so that she’s resting in one hand so you can use your other hand to wave her over. “You too, Spider.”
As much as you’d hate to admit it, this could be your last hug with your kids, so you want to soak in the moment for as long as you can. That thought makes you want to cry, but you hold it in. Your children are being strong and hiding how terrified they are, so you have to muster the strength to show that you’re okay.
“Do not leave this cave unless you absolutely have to, and if you do take an ilu and get as far away from here as fast as you can, please. My heart won’t make it if something happens to you guys. I love you all so much.” You kiss each of their foreheads once before you reluctantly put Tuk down to go to your sons, who are standing in front of your mates. As you’re walking up, you see Jake hand Lo’ak a gun. Like his father, Lo’ak was more skilled with guns, while Neteyam preferred a bow like Neytiri.
“I’m riding with you?” Lo’ak’s eyes light up just a little.
Jake shakes his head and shuts down that thought quickly. “No, I need you here. I can’t do this without knowing you kids are safe.” Just as quickly as excitement had covered his face, so fast did disappointment paint it. “You both need to keep your posts no matter what.”
“Lima Charlie, sir.” Your boys say in unison.
Before walking off, Jake removes his spare magazine to hand it to Lo’ak. Although he’s rough around the edges and can be a hardass at times, it’s little moments like this where Jake shows his care.
“If we do not return, you take Spider and the girls, and you go as far and as fast as you can.” Neytiri says before rushing off, knowing that the RDA is near.
You reach out to cup both of your son’s cheeks and caress them gently with your thumbs before leaning down to press a kiss onto their foreheads as well. “Stay safe and stay together. I love you both with all my heart.”
Once again, you have to leave your children. Knowing that you’re doing this for your children doesn’t make the task any easier. One wrong move could leave your babies without one of their mothers, or worse, harm could befall them. This is for them, and if you have to sacrifice yourself for them to experience peace and safety, then you’ll have to.
Srenton’ong waits for you on the pathway. As soon as you make tsaheylu with him, he squacks and flies up to the ambush point in the surrounding floating islands.
Srenton’ong finds a spot to perch on nearby Jake and Neytiri. Looking around you, there are probably hundreds of Na’vi warriors hidden in the rocks with you, and that’s not counting the ones in the water. You pray to Eywa that the souls who will return to her die quickly.
You can feel your heart rate accelerating each minute as you hear the loud, metallic sounds of the RDA convoy draw closer and closer.
“Hold.” Jake commands.
Beneath you, you can already see the RDA entering the water to engage in a massacre. Soon, you see a sight that both delights and saddens you. Large tulkun elders launch themselves from the water to slam their heavy bodies onto the RDA ships. It’s great to have more allies in a fight. But it saddens you that these peaceful creatures had to abandon their ancient vow of pacifism to save themselves from extinction because of humanity’s greed.
“NOW!”
Chaos ensues as hundreds of Na’vi warriors ambush the RDA from the skies and sea. Even though Toruk is the only one able to throw the aircraft around, the other warriors are still able to attack the ships. Explosions and screams—from friend and foe—fill the cove.
You show no mercy to the RDA personnel. You might be a subpar warrior, especially after not being in active combat for over a decade; you’re still in your Avatar body. You have the size, strength, and durability of the Na’vi. Your arrows are still able to pierce the hearts of the pilots in the cockpit even if you’re not as skilled as Jake or Neytiri. The humans are not the primary threat, and you know it’s only a matter of time before the real threat shows up.
“Jake, Mangkwan!” Neytiri shouts through her comms.
Just past the mountain peak that hugs the setting sun perfectly, you can see several trails of smoke flying towards you and the distant yips of your biggest foe.
The Mangkwan have the same size, strength, and durability as any other Na’vi. They have the same agility on their ikrans. But worst of all, they are probably the most experienced clan when it comes to combat due to all their raids, and now they’re likely all equipped with firearms and explosives.
While the RDA will kill you just to get you out of the way, the Mangkwan take pleasure in causing their victims the most amount of pain. From their weapons designed to cause as much pain as possible to their suicidal battle tactics, the Mangkwan live to cause pain and suffering to those around them.
As soon as the Ash arrive, bodies start dropping out of the sky from the onslaught of bombs being shot. The sound of gunfire comes from every direction, and it is almost impossible to tell where exactly it’s coming from. Dodging the bullets and bombs takes all of your focus. Because you weren’t able to train Sreton’ong for this type of combat—like Neytiri did with Sa’ata—you can feel him beginning to panic a little through the bond. You’re beginning to panic a little too; you’ve killed so many, and now you’re out of normal arrows. But you have to stay strong. Strong for the moment when you’ll get justice.
“It’s okay, maSreton’ong, everything will be—Ack!” You feel Sreton’ong suddenly twist in a different direction while you scream out in pain as you feel a familiar, burning pain. Despite the all-consuming pain wracking through your body, you quickly realize that it’s not coming from you; it’s coming from the bond, which can only mean one thing.
“Sreton’ong! No!”
Sreton’ong has been shot. He’s been shot several times right near his lungs. The pain is too much for him to stay airborne, so the both of you are taking a sharp nose dive towards the wet rocks below you.
Despite all the pain you’re experiencing, you’re not worried about it. Your pain isn’t as significant as your bonded’s. Your only concern is trying to help Sreton’ong slow down so he doesn’t hurt himself further by crashing face-first into rock. But your attempts are futile. He’s losing so much blood and doesn’t have the strength to even attempt to level himself out. Each second, you’re getting closer and closer to the ground, and you’re running out of ideas. Eventually, you accept that you’re going to hit the ground with your ikran.
That is, until you feel a sudden sense of relief and the wind blowing in a different direction. You’re no longer in pain. You’re no longer in pain! Just before you crash into the water, you see Sreton’ong falling to the rock you were originally supposed to be on. He broke the bond and threw you into the water!
The sounds of the carnage occurring above come to a sudden silence once you’re submerged in the dark, cold water. Sreton’ong, you have to get back to Sreton’ong.
The war going on around you becomes nothing more than background noise. The bitter cold water piercing through your skin doesn’t faze you. All that’s in your mind is your ikran.
Your mind has to be playing tricks on you. Sreton’ong wasn’t shot. He’s okay. Right? Eywa loves her children. Eywa will provide. Eywa will help. She has to.
You can’t reach the rock quick enough. The sight before you will haunt you for the rest of your life. A trail of fresh blood leads your eyes towards your bonded lying in a pool of his own blood; the infrequent heaves let you know that he’s still alive.
“MaSreton’ong!” You scream out, tears flooding down your face.
When you kneel down and rest his head on your lap, there’s no doubt about it; he was shot. Several bullet wounds litter his chest; one even hits his operculum, but due to the angle at which he was hit, it wasn’t enough to mercifully kill him; rather, it’s making him suffer unnecessarily.
Sreton’ong’s eyes are looking weakly at you. It’s like he’s trying to fight off the eternal sleep. You reach behind you to grab your kuru and connect it with Sreton’ong’s. “Let me share the pain with you.”
The moment your kurus are connected, the pain wracks your body. You feel the familiar sting of bullet wounds littering your chest. You feel like one lung has collapsed while the other is steadily filling with blood.
“It shouldn’t have been—It was meant for me. Why would you risk your life for me?” You manage to choke out through tears. You know that if you noticed the bullets flying towards you, you would’ve used your body as a shield, but he shouldn’t have done that—never him. “I just got you back, I—I can’t lose you. I see you, maSreton’ong. You have to stay with me.”
With the little strength he has, he nuzzles his head on your still flat stomach. It takes you a moment to realize what his gesture means, but when you do, your eyes go wide. “You know?”
He makes a low grumble noise, as if he’s saying yes, before his head goes limp and his eyes close.
Your trembling hands gently tap his face. “Sreton’ong?” No response. You shift his head side to side, looking for any sign of life. “C’mon Sreton’ong, please wake up! Eywa, please wake him up!” You know your prayers are futile. You can feel it through the bond— well, more like you can’t feel anything. You know it, but you cannot accept it.
He’s with Eywa now.
That realization causes a violent tremor to rattle your body as you let out a blood-curdling scream. Your wails pierce through the air. The wails of mourning echo throughout the battlefield. You’re reduced to a weeping mess, cradling Sreton’ong’s lifeless body in your arms while rocking back and forth like a mother would do to calm a crying child.
Why Eywa? Oh why? Why couldn’t it have been you? Why did it have to be him?
Time becomes an illusion. All you can do is cry. You’re crying so much that it’s hard to breathe. You’re practically hyperventilating.
“Well, isn’t this a pretty sight to see?”
No.
No.
No.
Eywa, no.
Even in your despair, you’ll always hear that voice. It haunts you.
With a tear-stained face, you look up to see the ghost of your past and the demon of your present. He’s walking towards you as if he’s leisurely promenading by a serene lake and not a graveyard that’s collecting bodies with no mercy. Strangely, you cannot see him holding any firearms.
Instinctively, you reach for your bow in preparation to nock the arrow. This is your one shot. You have to hit him. You only have one arrow left. You have to attack now. If he gets too close, you’re done for. At best, you’re a mediocre long-distance fighter compared to other Na’vi. You stand no chance at winning against a military-trained, sadistic maniac.
You reach for the special arrow tucked in a pouch on Sreton’ong’s saddle only to panic when you realize that it’s missing. Panicked, you scan your surroundings to see where the arrow could’ve fallen when Sreton’ong crashed, praying to Eywa that it didn’t fall into the water.
You spot it. Thankfully, it’s not in the water, but it’s in the second-worst position it could possibly be. It’s halfway between you and Wainfleet.
It’s now or never. Desisively, you unsheath your hunting knife and make a dash for the arrow. Just as you’re about to pick it up, you feel a heavy boot stomp onto your forearm; you can’t help but howl in pain.
“You cry out so prettily.” He leers over you with a lecherous smile, grinding his boot further into your arm. “I didn’t think I’d see you in all this chaos, but your cries led me right to you.” He flips you on your back, one of his hands gripping your wrists while his knee stabs into your stomach. With his other hand, he reaches out to cup your chin, but you manage to bite down on his finger so hard that it bleeds before he can touch you.
“Get off me, you fucking per—” A crisp slap echoes through the night. It was so forceful that your head snapped to the other side, and you even had a faint taste of copper in your mouth. You don’t get much time to process the fact that he slapped you before he digs his grimey fingernails into the skin of your cheek, forcing you to look at his eyes that are devoid of any ounce of humanity.
“You’re testing my patience. I’ve been nothing but nice to you. I gave you pleasure, I let you see your little boy toy, and I was even going to let you keep your bastard, and what did that get me? Some disobedient whore who needs to be punished.” His knee digs further into your stomach.
Despite the pain, you still struggle in his hold. Wriggling and kicking as much as you can, but it’s useless; he’s like an unmoving wall.
“How shall I punish my bitch?” He drawls on, gliding one of his hands down your body. His hand lingers far too long on the bottom of your top, right where your breast is, before continuing down your body and then punching you square in the stomach, causing you to curl up in pain. A sadistic grin forms on his face. “Yeah, this will do.”
Wainfleet launches an avalanche of punches on your stomach. You try to cover your stomach, but that doesn’t work. That is, until you manage to squeeze your knees between a gap he leaves when he winds up to punch you once more. When you bring your knees up, you shove them right up against his lower jaw— knocking his shades off in the process—which causes him enough pain for his grip on your wrists to loosen just enough for you to scuttle across the ground away from him.
Unfortunately, you don’t get far enough away from him before you feel his heavy boot kick you right in the middle of your spine.
“You think you can run for me bitch? You’re mine.” He squats down to grab a fistful of your hair, yanking your neck up, and then smashing your face into the rock. “I was your first cock, you’re my property. And I’m going to show you what happens to sluts who disobey me.”
He leers over you once more before raining down kicks all over your rapidly bruising body. Your back, your ribs, your sides, occasionally your head, and especially your stomach, no part of your body was safe.
Each blow to your body causes you immense pain. A rib is likely cracked if not broken. At some point, you start coughing up a little blood. The metallic taste is all you can taste, and it’s not long before it mixes in with the tears streaming down your face. The pain is so intense that at some point you can no longer make any noise. Your voice is so hoarse from all of your crying.
You try to shield your stomach, but it’s of no use. All it leads to is your hands stinging in pain. From all the abuse your body has suffered, you feel like there’s warm liquid pooling between your thighs.
But in spite of the pain, you slowly inch your way to the arrow. Luckily, Wainfleet is so consumed with inflicting as much harm as possible on you that he doesn’t register you moving to the arrow. Your body is so weak and sore, but you keep going, and soon enough you reach the arrow.
You angle your body just enough to hide it, waiting for your perfect chance to strike as he continues his assault on your body. You’re so exhausted, both mentally and physically, but you have to stay focused on your goal. You must strike when the time is right. And thankfully, that’s sooner rather than later.
“You’re taking your punishment well.” He crouches down, whispering in your ear before licking and biting the tip. Not yet. “Maybe I should give my bitch a little treat for taking her punishment so well.” His hot breath suffocates you as he traces his chapped lips from your ear to your jaw to your cheek until he lingers far too close to your own. The bile rising in your throat is nearly impossible to contain at the thought of him trying to steal something so intimate from you. The moment before your attack seems to happen in slow motion. You wait until there’s barely a centimeter between your lips before you finally attack.
With all the strength you have, you shove the arrow right into his eye. His screams are like music to your ears. You wish you had a camera so you could play back this moment over and over again. You keep your eyes on him, wanting to commit his pained expression to memory.
Even though he’s in pain, he still finds the strength to wrap his hands around your throat, cutting off your airflow, but you don’t care; you continue to smile and laugh maniacally. “You fucking bitch! I’m going to kill you!”
His hands squeeze harder and harder around your throat, adding to his collection of bruises on your body. Regardless, you keep hold of the arrow, shoving it deeper and deeper into his eye. Blood pours out of the wound, covering your face and chest with the red substance. You pay no mind to it. The smile plastered on your face isn’t that of a sane person. But that doesn’t matter to you, not at this moment.
The Golden Rule: treat others the way you want to be treated. The time for retribution has come. He gets off on the suffering of others; it is time for him to get a taste of his medicine. You will reciprocate and multiply his cruelty.
Your laughing grows louder when you feel his grip on your throat gradually loosen. The poison coursing through his veins is working. He’s too far in his blind rage to realize that he no longer has the upper hand. Now is the time for your revenge to go into full effect.
Kicking a man in the balls when his are inside his body doesn’t elicit the same pain response as kicking one who has his on the outside, but because he’s so weak, he falls all the same.
“What the fuck did you do to me bitch?” He barks, his hands trembling as he’s unable to sit up.
You ignore him for a moment as you leisurely walk over to pick up your knife. You’d never think about using this knife on another living soul. That would be cruel. This knife was made just for him. The sharp serrated edges are perfect. The knife will go in cleanly, but the same cannot be said for when it comes out.
“There’s a fast-acting paralyzing poison coursing through your veins. You won’t be able to move for a while, but you’ll feel everything that’s about to happen—I made sure of that.” You muse as you casually draw patterns on his neck using the tip of your knife.
“Get that thing away from me, you bitch! You’ll regret—” You don’t let him finish his sentence before landing a crisp slap right across his face and then yanking his jaw towards you, digging your nails into his face like he did to you earlier.
“You’re my bitch now. And bitches don’t speak; they bark. So go on, bark.”
He scoffs and rolls his eyes at you. “You’re fucking crazy; I’m no bitch, and I’m certainly not barking for you.”
You smile. He thinks this is a joke. That’s good. This’ll be no fun if he’s obedient right off the bat. But still, you gave him an order, and he disobeyed; he must be punished.
Calmly, you adjust yourself just a little from your squatting position beside him to get a better angle on your target. Without a word, you take your knife and cut his pinky finger clean off. Well, clean wouldn’t be the word to describe it.
Strings of flesh crudely keep the finger attached. Bone can be seen at the joint area where you cut. Blood quickly oozes out of the severed appendage.
Wainfleet’s mouth gapes open as he silently gasps in pain, his eyes nearly bulging from his head. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You bitch—”
Another finger.
“I’m gonna kill you!”
And another.
Third time’s the charm. He stays silent this time. Probably in too much pain to form words. It’s his own fault, really. He’s an adult, not a child; you won’t repeat directions. He still hasn’t fully obeyed you, so you move your knife to sever his index finger. The moment the blade nears the join, he panics.
“W-wait! Please don’t! I’m sorry!” Still not the right sounds, so you continue what you were doing. The second the blade touches his knuckle, prepared to slice, he finally swallows his pride. “Woof! Woof! Woof!” Satisfied with his newfound obedience, you decide to let his recent transgressions slide just this one time; it’s not like it’ll save him anyway.
You grin mockingly at the groveling man beneath you. “See, that wasn’t so hard, now was it? If you listened the first time, I wouldn’t have had to punish you.” You coo, dragging the knife’s tip at his knuckle. “Are you sorry?”
The poison doesn’t let him, but you can tell that he’s trying to nod frantically. “Yes! Woof, woof! I’m sorry! Woof.”
You laugh hysterically at his pathetic state and dig the knife into his skin, but only enough to leak some blood. “No, you’re not sorry. You’re not sorry at all.”
You crawl over to his lower half. “But don’t worry; sorry will be the last thing you feel, alongside pain and fear.” And with that, you make a strategic slash across his pants, and you keep going until his pants and underwear are nothing but shreds and his groin is exposed.
“You always told me that pain is pleasure; well, I’m about to make you feel the most pleasure you’ve ever felt.”
You can see it in his eyes: he’s terrified of you, and he’s powerless to do anything. He can’t even crawl away.
Your knife trails around his closed, dry slit. It’s a delicate area for any male, especially Na’vi males. The slit is sensitive, and according to Jake, the dick hiding inside is ten times more sensitive compared to a human one. It’s not something that should be forcefully pried open. But that’s not something you’ll care about for Wainfleet.
“No! Please don’t!” He screams out as your knife pokes itself into his slit, forcing out his dick. When your knife doesn’t cut it, you take a scrap piece of cloth, wrap it around your hand and forcefully rip his pathetic puny penis out.
“You take so much pride in this little thing.” You squeeze on it, causing him to yelp out in pain. “I wonder what you’ll do when it’s gone.”
Before he can even plead for mercy, you take your knife and begin sawing off the grotesque appendage. You could go fast, but slow draws out the pain. He can’t even scream at this point. His body convulses at each slice, unable to do anything else.
Once it’s finally removed, you lean over and shove it into his mouth with a sickening grin. “You’re gonna bleed out soon; I should hurry up.”
You crawl back to his upper half, tapping the bloody knife on his kuru. He barely has the strength left to even look at you in terror. But you know that he knows what you’re about to do next.
“This cut shall be in the name of my brother, Tsu’tey te Rongloa Ateyitan. You shall feel the pain you caused him.”
You yank his kuru and press the blade against the sacred body part. “By my hand, I shall grant you a fate worse than death.” With that pledge, you slice through his kuru.
His body seizes, and his eyes roll to the back of his head. He’s not dead, though; you can tell from his hollow, ragged breathing. Good. You still have a lot more in store for him. But seeing your tormentor in this state, you can’t help but maniacally cackle at his suffering.
Unconsciously, you rub your bloodied hands over your face, smearing pain and blood everywhere, but you don’t care. The scared eighteen-year-old girl is finally getting her justice. Nothing else matters.
“Two hundred and sixty-three.” You whisper, leering over his face. His mouth gapes open as blood pools in his mouth, but he’s still alive. “You will pay for your sins two hundred and sixty-three times. I will cleanse the world of your existence.”
You hover over him in a straddle-like position. One knee anchored onto the ground while you dig the heel of your foot into his elbow. You can hear a faint crack from beneath your foot.
“Go to hell.” You say, eerily calm, before you drive your knife into his other eye. Blood sprays everywhere, and his once loud screams have been reduced to low muffles, but he’s still alive, for now.
Adrenaline surges through your body as you rain down lethal stabs anywhere you can, each one being just as strong as the last. No part of his body is safe. You stab his face, neck, arms, chest, thighs, everywhere. You stab everywhere.
One. For Sylwanin.
Two. For Sreton’ong.
Three. For you.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Two hundred sixty.
Two hundred sixty-one.
Two hundred sixty-two.
Two hundred sixty-three.
The final stab lands where his heart is—was. His face is caved in, sliced beyond recognition. Bloody stab wounds litter his body. Parts of his skeleton are visible in some areas due to some chunks of flesh being pulverized. Holes litter his abdomen so much so that some of his intestines are leaking out. Outside of his blood-soaked clothing, he’s completely unrecognizable. He was long gone before even a quarter of the wounds appeared.
He’s long gone.
He’s gone.
It’s gone.
Gone.
That thought brings a genuine smile to your face. The demon is gone. You killed it. It can’t hurt anyone anymore. It can’t hurt you anymore. The only remnants of its existence are its clothing and the blood painting your body. It’s gone. You’ve purged the world of a great evil.
“Jake, I’m down.” You hear Neytiri’s voice coming from your comm that’s still secured safely on your neck.
The sound of your wife’s tired voice snaps you out of your daze, and you’re brought back to reality. You’re still on an active battlefield; bullets and bombs are flying everywhere. You were so out of it that you were unaware your breathing sounded like you had just run an ultramarathon, and your heart was practically pounding out of your chest.
“Get to safety. Do not attack. We’re done.” Jake’s barely able to speak, as you can hear him trying to catch his breath. “Y/N, are you there?”
You didn’t realize that your hands were all of this death and destruction; it can’t be for nothing. This can’t be the end. “I’m down too.”
“Get to safety, please, baby.” You can hear the relief flood through Jake at the sound of your voice.
“I will go to the children. Stay safe, my loves.”
You glance down at your blood-covered hands and the knife they carry. You carry a weapon fashioned in the style of your enemies. Pain and suffering were the goals of this knife; it is not a proper Na’vi weapon. Oh, how far you’ve fallen.
Despite how low you’ve sunk, regret isn’t something that you feel. Even if you got to go back in time, you would still kill him in the same manner. The only thing you can even think of potentially regretting is not doing it sooner.
Surprisingly, the little area you’re in has no immediate danger; it is devoid of life outside of you and the two bodies near you. That is, until you hear panting coming from the ocean and see someone clutching their chest as they try to reach the shore.
“Tsahìk!” You yell as you jump back into the frigid water to help pull Ronal out. The rhythmic crashing of the ocean waves does little to help you get the tsahìk onto land.
When you finally get her out of the water, you gasp in horror to see a projectile from a speargun is stuck right above where her heart would be. You rest her as carefully as you can onto the rock. “Tsahhìk, I’ll be right back.”
You rush over to Sreton’ong’s corpse and carefully reach over him to grab your pouch that’s attached to his saddle. There’s not much in there; you doubt there’s anything truly useful, but maybe it’ll help. Just before you go back to Ronal, you go back to the water and rinse off as much blood as you can from your hands.
“That blood…” Ronal barely manages to gasp out through her pain.
“It’s not mine.” You take a cloth from your bag and make a makeshift pillow; it’s not much, but it’ll bring her some comfort. The oils and salves in your bag will do little without the ability for you to safely remove the projectile. A wet rock in the middle of a cove during an ongoing battle isn’t exactly the most sterile environment to perform surgery. “Do not worry about me. Worry about yourself. You—”
“I’m dying.” Ronal says through the pain.
“You’ll be okay. We’ll find some help.”
“Why must you and your wife always argue?” Ronal scolds as you put one of her legs on top of your thigh so you can examine her protruding belly. “I am dying. But first I will push out this baby.” She speaks with the determination only a mother can.
You know in your heart that there’s not much you can do for her in this state, but you can do something for her child. “Push tsahìk, push.” You coax her as she experiences pain you cannot fathom.
You were there for the birth of each of your children. Alongside Mo’at, you helped deliver each one. Childbirth isn’t something new to you. But this is different.
She must have been in active labor for the entire day since you can already see the baby’s head crowning. You hold onto Ronal’s hand as she continues to push. “You’re doing great, just one more push.”
With the last bit of her strength, Ronal manages to push her baby girl out. As soon as the baby is out, you place the baby on her chest and connect their kurus. The first bond a child should experience is from their mother, and this baby girl deserves that too, regardless of the circumstances surrounding her birth.
Ronal removes the little baby from underneath her neck to get a good look at her. “She is Pril.”
You look down at the precious newborn resting in her mother’s embrace. “Pril is a good name.”
“You will protect her?” Ronal asks, her voice no louder than a whisper.
“Yes.” There is no waver in your voice; you will protect this baby no matter what.
It seems as though your confirmation of care was all Ronal needed before she let the eternal sleep welcome her. Her arms go limp, and you have to quickly reach over her to keep Pril from falling.
The first cries you hear from Pril is when she felt her mother die through the bond. You gently detach their kurus, and you bring Pril up to your chest so she can feel some warmth. Your heart goes out to the baby, who met and lost her mother in the span of less than two minutes. This will be the final time you allow yourself to shed a tear; your emotions are no longer your priority; this baby is.
You dump everything out of your pouch and gently place the baby inside. “Your name is Pril. Your mother was powerful; you will be powerful too.” You say as you tightly secure the pouch across your body.
“Mrs. Sully.” You hear a familiar voice call out.
Insinicively, you pick up your knife before whipping around, baring your fangs. You’re outnumbered; two Mangkwan, plus Varang and Quaritch, is a recipe for death.
“Mommy!” Tuk screams as Varang holds one of her dual blades to her neck while Quaritch holds her in place.
“Tuk!”
A/N- I'm so glad that I finally finished chapter 7. Life has been a lot lately, so finding the time and energy to write has been a struggle. To make up for the long wait, I wanted this chapter to be long and juicy. I hope it was well worth the wait~
I'm pleased to announce that I only have about two more scenes to write before this chapter is finished. It's already 7.5k, and I know these last scenes are gonna be a long, gut-punching one.
I'm having to take breaks in between since it's more intense compared to what I usually write. I cannot wait for ya'll to see what I have in store.
I know many of you have been waiting patiently for chapter 7 of Ashes in the Sea and I wanted to let you guys know that I haven't forgotten about it.
I've been recovering from surgery (I'm doing well, so you guys don't have to worry), and I haven't had the energy to write as much as I'd like. I'm doing much better now, so I've been writing a lot more.
Chapter 7 is currently at 5k words, and I still have a lot more to go. I'm working hard to make this chapter worth the wait.
Thank you guys for your patience. I hope it doesn't take much longer for me to finish this chapter because I'm excited to see your reactions to it~
Content Warnings- Violence, Sexual Assault, Rape (not in detail), Suicidal Behaviors/Thoughts, Non-Consensual Medical Examinations, Reader disassociates a lot, Lyle Wainfleet deserves his own warning
Chapter Summary- Your husband is on death row, and for the sake of your family and The People, you let yourself be prisoner to the RDA. This night will forever change you.
wc- 8.2k
Previous Chapter
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The ride to Bridgehead City is long, far too long. The roaring sounds of the Samson’s engines almost drown out the chorus of celebration coming from the Sec-Ops personnel, almost. Even through all this noise and chaos, silence surrounds you and Jake. He hasn’t said a word or moved a muscle since you both boarded the Samson. It’s like he’s either deep in thought or dissociating. You can’t blame him, though.
You both know that he’s about to be executed. If not tonight, then tomorrow. Knowing that he’s giving up his life for a gamble must be weighing heavily on him. You don’t know how he does it; how he manages to stay calm and collected in dire situations. You know that if Jake weren’t right here beside you, you’d be a panicking mess. Even with him beside you, it’s taking all of your effort not to have a panic attack. You cannot show fear.
You want Jake to hold you, to assure you that everything will be alright. But you know that won’t be the case. He can’t hold you; the handcuffs prevent that, but even if they didn’t, there’s no way the Sec-Ops are going to allow it to happen. The only thing you can do is subtly touch his tail with your own. Only then does he look at you.
Fear and worry mar his face, but you can still see traces of love swirling through his eyes. He’s as scared as you are; he’s just better at hiding it. In this helpless situation, there’s only one thing you can think of doing.
I love you
You mouth those three words to him and wrap your tail tighter around his, knowing that this may very well be the last time you’ll be able to show him affection. It may be the last time you can tell him. In a rare moment of vulnerability, you can see some tears begin to prick Jake’s eyes, but just before he can mouth the same words to you, you’re interrupted by men in skel suits yanking you out of the Samson.
You were so preoccupied with your thoughts and Jake that you didn’t even realize you made it to Hell on Pandora, Bridgehead City. There are far too many fluorescent lights for your comfort; they’re far too bright. They’re unnatural. Camera’s flash in sporadic bursts as gaggles of humans crowd the barricade to catch a glimpse of Jake. The ground is cold and hard; it feels as though every bit of your warmth is being drained by the metal flooring. You’re no stranger to metal, but this is different. Bridgehead is a fortress of metal and death. No life besides humans exists within the walls, and even outside, there’s nothing but decay. The All Mother isn’t here. They’ve killed her presence.
“Jake! Y/N!” Your head snaps over to the sound of Spider’s voice. He’s kicking and thrashing, trying to escape the grips of the people holding him hostage, but it’s of no use; there are too many of them. Instinctively, you try to run after Spider, but the soldiers quickly pull you back and tighten their grip on you. There’s nothing you can do but helplessly watch the boy be dragged away into a medical van as he cries out for you and Jake.
A large vehicle drives up to you, and out comes a woman in a skel suit. There is no doubt in your mind about who this is. General Frances Ardmore. You’ve seen her face on screens when she first arrived on Pandora and threatened the lives of everyone in Hell’s Gate if they didn’t surrender. She is on your ever-growing hitlist.
“Mission accomplished, General. Jake Sully. Toruk Makto himself.” Quaritch says confidently with the Crazy Lady by his side. “I even got a special traitor as a gift, his wife.”
Ardmore looks you and Jake up and down before, like you’re nothing but pests, before walking to Quaritch. “It’s not enough for you to hand out guns, you gotta bring hostiles inside the perimeter.”
“What is she saying?” The Crazy Lady asks Quaritch, most likely prepared to fight if she didn’t like what Ardmore was saying. But Quaritch calms her down.
“Not hostiles. Allies. General Ardmore, I’d like you to meet Varang, tsahìk of the Mangkwan.” Even though she cannot speak English, upon hearing her name, title, and clan, Varang straightens her spine even more, exuding a fearless aura.
Tsahìk? You wonder what kinds of things could have happened in their lives for the Mangkwan to turn out the way they did. How could a tsahìk blatantly reject Eywa and be so violent?
“Let me make this clear, General hoochies, I want every one of these savages escorted off my base asap. Including your little girlfriend.”
Quaritch steps up to Ardmore. Even in her skel suit, Quaritch is still significantly taller than she is, but she shows no signs of backing down. “Don’t be a jackass, General. Take the win.” Quaritch turns to the crowd of onlookers, throws his fist up in the air, and shouts, “We got him, people.” The crowd of humans breaks into cheers, and the camera flashes increase exponentially. Left with no other choice, Ardmore steps in front of you and Jake for a photo op.
Afterwards, Quaritch takes Varang’s hand and leads her through the crowd. As much as you’d hate to admit it, Varang is incredibly smart. You know she has no idea about what’s happening, but she knows that now is the time to be confident and show no fear. “Take him to the cage. Bring that one to the white coats, I want some tests run.”
With just one command from Ardmore, you and Jake are separated. Knowing that this may be the last time you see your husband alive, your eyes stayed focused on him. Even though it’s hurting your neck, even though your eyes are straining, you keep looking at him because losing him is going to hurt worse than this. Even as you turn the corner and you’re no longer able to see him, you keep your eyes trained on the last spot that you saw him, that is, until someone slaps you in the back of your head.
Upon impact, you swerve your head in that direction and hiss at whoever had the audacity to hit you. And of course it was Lyle Wainfleet. He has the gall to have a prideful smirk plastered all over his face. “You’re a fiesty one now. Don’t worry, I’ll train you on how to behave again.” It takes all of the strength out of you to not bite off his fingers when he dares to run his fingers through your hair.
“Go to hell, Wainfleet.” That seems to set him off, and in front of the other Sec-Ops personnel, he grips your cheeks painfully tight in one hand, something he used to do frequently. It used to terrify you when he’d get physical like this, so much so that you’d quickly back down. But now, you have to keep your fear from resurfacing; you cannot give in; you must stay strong so as not to revert to your scared eighteen-year-old self.
“You’re mine now, Princess. You’ll want to start behaving, your little boy toy can’t save you.” His lecherous grin is even more grotesque than you remember.
“He is my husband. Even in death, he will be my only husband.” You rip your gaze away from him to stare at the empty metal hallway with your head held high. Wainfleet chuckles to himself as if he’s amused by your behavior. No doubt he thinks this is a game of cat and mouse where he’ll ultimately and unconditionally win.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The lab at Bridgehead feels more sterile than the one you’re used to at High Camp. Perhaps it’s because maximizing profits and pain is what leads the research here. They force you at gunpoint to strip and wear the bleak medical gown. Even at gunpoint, there is one item you refuse to part with, your songchord. Anyone who tried to take it from you nearly got their hands bitten off, so they reluctantly let you keep it. But you are quickly muzzled afterwards.
When you’re escorted to the testing room, your heart breaks at the sight of Spider. He’s hooked up to machines, strapped down, and forced to run on a treadmill. “That boy is a child, and you’re treating him like an animal.” Spider attempts to turn his head to see you, but the machinery keeps him from looking. But you catch a glimpse of his eyes, pleading for you to help him. You wish you could, but you’re as powerless as he is at the moment.
“Mind your own business, traitor.” A soldier in a skel suit grunts out while smacking the back of your head with the butt of her gun.
The next thing you know is that you’re strapped down onto a gurney. For minutes, maybe hours, you really don’t know, you’re poked, prodded, stuffed, and jabbed more times than you could count. The whole experience was dehumanizing, and you had to zone out for your own sanity. Being held down against your will brings too many bad memories. Eventually, they give you a break; you’re still tied down, but at least now you can focus on other things, such as Parker Selfridge talking to one of the scientists.
“I don’t care how it works; I care if you can replicate it.” Parker says, interrupting the scientist in front of him. Even after all these years, he’s still the exact same.
“Theoretically, it is possible, we’d need quite some time to run experiments, and that could take—”
“How much is it gonna cost?” Classic Selfridge, impatient and only caring about money and quotas. His bluntness leaves the scientist a little stunned.
“Well, it’s hard to say so early. But if I had to guess, early versions may be just as expensive as Avatars.” Parker looks visibly annoyed by that answer. “But overall, it could be cheaper considering there’d likely be significantly less personnel and equipment involved.” That answer seems to relax Parker a bit.
“And what about that one?” He asks, gesturing to you.
“By all accounts, she’s healthy. Although there are some signs of superficial cuts healing.” The male scientist says while he looks through the sheets on his clipboard.
“That’s good and all, but what of her reproductive system?” Parker asks impatiently. Your reproductive system? What could they possibly want to know about that? Of all things, why care about that? Unless…
“Everything seems to be in working shape. Besides the lack of menses and the potential for a heat cycle, it matches a healthy human female. But there is one thing…” The scientist draws out before leaning close to Parker’s ear. “It appears that she’s already pregnant. The scanners show that she’s a week or two at most.”
Pregnant?
Pregnant!
How can you be pregnant? They’re lying. There’s no way you can be pregnant. You can’t be. You can’t be. Two weeks pregnant? How is this possible?
Two weeks ago was the Battle at Three Brothers. Two weeks ago, you almost died. Two weeks ago, your very not pregnant human body did die. And two weeks ago, you had sex once. Just once. Jake only came inside you once. Just one lust-filled mistake, and now you’re pregnant. You’ve always wondered what it’d be like to give Jake a child from your own body; Neytiri has done it three times, and if you’re honest with yourself, you were a little jealous since that was something you thought you’d never be able to do. You were okay with not being a biological mother, you love your children unconditionally, and it doesn’t matter to you that you didn’t birth them. But now, now you’re pregnant.
Normally, that would put a smile on your face; you fantasized about this for years. But now, all you fear is utter dread. You’re a hostage, likely to be used as breeding stock for whatever evil plans the RDA has concocted. And your husband is set to be executed very soon.
If your hands weren’t bound, one would have slowly made its way down to your flat stomach at the thought of Jake. His baby is inside of you, and you cannot be happy about it. How can you be? You don’t even want to tell him. You cannot let him die thinking he failed to protect not only you but also your future child. It’d kill him to know. It’s killing you to know. You’re too early for anyone to catch a change in your scent. Only the RDA’s advanced scanners could pick it up. You always dreamt that. You’d find out that you’re pregnant from one of your mates noticing a change in you, and you all being overjoyed. But that dream has been cruelly stripped away from you.
“Would you like us to induce a miscarriage?” The scientist asks nervously. Your eyes go wide at the question. You’re having conflicting thoughts about the pregnancy, but that certainly doesn’t mean that you’d be okay with them taking that choice away from you and ending your pregnancy. No. No. No. They can’t. You’ll escape with Spider before they can even prepare a syringe.
“That won’t be necessary. It’s good for us that she’s got a head start on this. Now we won’t have to wait on the bald one to get the job done.”
Get the job done? They cannot be referring to what you think they are. They don’t have to wait for you to get pregnant, and apparently, that’s a good thing? And they wanted Lyle to get the job done, as in impregnating you.
The more you think, the more erratic your breathing and heartbeat get. You cannot let him. You cannot have his children. You will not let him touch you. Just the thought of his hands on you makes you want to puke. He’s vile. He’s repulsive. You cannot let him defile you, not again.
You need to leave. That was always the plan. But now, you need to leave before your baby can be born. You cannot let them experiment with the last gift Jake gave you. No. No. That cannot happen.
“Subject’s heart rate is sporadic. Shall I prepare to sedate her?” Another scientist asks after she reads your vitals.
Parker’s eyes widen, and he whips over to the female scientist. “No! We don’t know how that stuff is going to affect the fetus. I need healthy children.”
You cannot let the RDA use your child as a tool. You will not. You’ll find a way to escape. You have to.
The lab is so quiet that you can hear each step Selfridge takes, and you know when he’s near the door. Now is your time to strike.
“Parker, do you remember me?” Parker stops dead in his tracks and has a befuddled expression painting his face as if he never bothered to learn your name. “You remember me, don’t you, Parker. Although I’m sure you probably wouldn’t recognize me in this form.”
“I’m sorry, who are you?”
“You probably wouldn’t remember my name, but I was Grace’s assistant teacher when she was at her school. And after the school, I was still always by her side. I remember you once referring to me as her little shadow.” As you speak, a small glimpse of realization pops up on the jaded executive administrator’s face. “Yeah, you remember me, don’t you. Well, I want you to do me a favor.” The man is stunned and silent by your audacity. “I want to be with my husband tonight.”
Parker stands with his hands on his hips, mouth agape, as he stares at you lying on the gurney. “Uh— No.” The jaded man scoffs at you.
“Parker, you have separated me from my family, you are going to execute my husband, and you’re going to use me as breeding stock for my rapist; all I ask is to spend my husband’s last night with him. You’re a smart man, Parker; surely you can spin this positively to the media. ‘RDA shows humanity to traitor.’ It’d be good optics for you.”
Parker says nothing, but you know him. He’s all about profits and optics. You know he’s never going to pass up a chance for good optics. You know he’s considering it even though he leaves the room without saying anything.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The scientists continue to prick and prod you for what feels like hours, but really, you have no idea how long it’s been before you’re unceremoniously shoved into a holding cell. It’s bare, sterile, and cramped. The fluorescent lights shine down on you constantly, and every single corner of the room is brightly lit.
Even the air feels like punishment. You have no proof of it, but you’re sure they’ve increased the oxygen levels in your cell. Not enough to cause any damage, but just enough to keep you uncomfortable. But at least they let you put on your original clothing back on.
You have nothing besides your songchord to keep your mind occupied in your prison. Each bead tells a story. Each bead keeps you grounded. Your family is everything to you. You had no one on Earth, no one who cared about you or your well-being. But now, your absence causes heartache. Thinking of them causes heartache. It’s bittersweet. They’re both your greatest strength and greatest weakness. And now there’s to be a new addition to your large family, but you’re the only one who knows about it. Will you ever get a chance to tell them? Will you be able to add their birth to your songchord?
“You’ve stayed hidden.” Your gaze is directed toward the reinforced glass wall of your enclosure as General Ardmore approaches. “With all the intel we had on Sully, nothing indicated that he kept a whore.”
“I am his wife!” You snarl, baring your teeth at the four-star general, but she just smiles condescendingly as if she intended to get under your skin. “Do not call me a whore. He is my husband.”
The General eyes you up and down from where you’re crouched. “Selfridge says you want to spend the night with Sully.”
Just the way she speaks down to you grates on your nerves. Every time she opens your mouth, you just want to smack her upside her mouth. “Is a wife wanting to be with her husband before he dies shocking?”
“You trying to tell him about the bun in the oven?”
You scoff at the woman in front of you. What does it matter to her? “No.”
“Why not?” She asks curtly.
“I love my husband, and he loves me. I cannot let him die thinking he failed me and our child.” Your hand instinctively moves down to your stomach as you speak. “He will do everything he can to get me to escape. There’d be so much death and destruction, but I’m pragmatic; I know it’d be highly unlikely for us to succeed, so I cannot risk it.”
Ardmore hums as if she approves of your answer before turning her back to you to leave the area. Just before she does, you see her nod to someone just outside of your view.
Much to your dismay, Wainfleet appears in front of you with a Na’vi-sized jumpsuit in his hand and a nefarious grin on his face. When he unlocks your cell, you don’t run; what would be the point? But you do shrink further into your corner, wanting to put as much distance between Lyle and yourself as possible.
“Looks like you get to see your little boy toy after all, Princess.” Lyle licks his lips as he throws the jumpsuit for you to put on. “You’re lucky I’m not a jealous man. If I were, I’d punish you for wanting to see another man.” Your skin crawls as he licks his lips while you put the jumpsuit on. It’s so bad that you can’t even face him anymore, opting to turn your back on the man. “But it’s okay, baby, after tomorrow, you’ll be all mine. I’ll even be nice and let you keep that bastard of yours; it’ll be outnumbered by our babies anyway.” As he says that, you suddenly feel him press his protruding crotch against your butt while his hand caresses your stomach.
Instinctively, your elbow juts out to hit him in his stomach. While you’re sure the action didn’t hurt him, it stunned him enough to the point where his grip loosened just enough for you to escape his grasp and press yourself against the far side of the wall.
“Do not touch me!” You scream at the recom. “I will never have your children! I’d rather die than let you touch me!” Your heart is pounding, and you try to take deep breaths to calm yourself down, but it isn’t working.
The wall is too hard. Why can it be plush so you can hide inside of it? So you can hide from that predatory gaze you’re all too familiar with. Anger clouds Lyle’s face, and he storms over to you. Before you know it, your head is forced to the side, and you can feel a burning, throbbing sensation creep up on your cheek. Lyle traps you between the wall and him. His fingers dig into your cheeks as he yanks your head forward to force you to look at him.
You can’t cry. You won’t cry. You can’t give him the satisfaction of seeing you afraid.
Lyle’s eyes flicker down to your dry, parched lips. “I’m an impatient man. Behave.” He takes you by surprise and forces you into a kiss. You hate it. His touch, his smell. Everything about him is repulsive. When he presses his bulge against your thigh, you freeze momentarily.
No.
That is enough to snap you out of your trance. You try to wiggle away from him, but his grip on you is too strong. You don’t let that deter you. Your once unmoving lips move to bite him, hard. And your hands claw at his face. Both actions draw blood, and he releases you,
Before you can celebrate your freedom, his hands find their way to your neck. You claw at his arms, demanding to be let go, but your fire is quickly smothered as he cuts off your airways. You can feel your strength leaving your body as he glares at you with a type of predatory glare that you’ve yet to see from him.
“You’re starting to piss me off bitch!” His spit reeks of alcohol as it lands on your face. “You’re mine now bitch! Do you understand? Mine!” The angrier he gets, the tighter his grip on your throat becomes. You’re getting lightheaded as the seconds go on. “You’re not gonna see your little boy toy if you keep pissing me off.”
Your eyes widen at the mention of Jake. You have to see him. It’ll kill you not to see him. Your panic brings delight to Wainfleet’s face. “Yeah, that’s right. General says you’re mine to do whatever I want with. I’m the one allowing you to see him. Me! If you don’t behave, then you won’t see him.”
The tears you fought so hard to keep at bay finally escape. You have to see Jake. You know that what comes next is a pain you haven’t physically experienced in years.
“Take your punishment like a good girl.”
.
.
.
Thirty-four
Thirty-five
Thirty-six
There are thirty-six white tiles on the ceiling above you. You’ve counted them. Seventeen times. You’ve counted them seventeen times. There’s not much to focus on in this room. You have the choice between ceiling tiles and the faint buzzing sound of machinery. Counting ceiling tiles is more interesting.
You have to have a body, but you do not have to exist in it. Not now, you don’t. You can’t. You’re somewhere else. You keep your mind busy, you keep it absent while your body exists. You might be there, but your mind isn’t. It’s too busy counting ceiling tiles and memorizing every corner.
One
Two
Three
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
You’re tainted. Weak. How could you let another man into you? How can you go to your husband with another man’s grime caked onto your skin? How could you? You had to. You wanted to see your husband. Selfish. That’s what you are. Jake deserves better than you.
“Hands against the wall!”
A man in a skel-suit shouts, and you’re suddenly brought out of your thoughts, and you remember where you are. Jake stands up and does what the guard says, glaring at him until his eyes soften and widen when he realizes that you’re here.
When the reinforced doors seal behind you, both of you stare at each other as if you’re unable to believe what you’re both seeing before you run into each other’s arms. The tears you’ve been holding back come flooding the second you feel your husband’s arms wrap around you.
“Baby, I—What are you doing here?” His voice cracks.
“I convinced them to let me stay with you until…” You drag out your sentence, unable to bring yourself to finish it. You don’t want to think about the inevitable. You just want your husband. The two of you fall to your knees, arms still firmly wrapped around each other. The world beyond your embrace ceases to exist. All you care about is your husband. Nothing else matters.
“Baby, are you okay? You smell like him.” Jake’s voice is laced with anger and worry as he glares at the man who’s the source of much of your trauma. “Did he touch you?”
He did.
But Jake can’t know about that. You hate to lie to him, especially after agreeing last night that you both would open up and communicate more. But he can’t die with this regret. You won’t let him.
“No, he hasn’t. The RDA modified the Na’vi DNA in the recoms so they can project their pheromones farther and more intensely. It’s probably a way to help them exert control.”
Lies.
Jake’s mouth opens as if he wants to say something, but no words come out. You intertwine your fingers with his and kiss his knuckles. “I’m alright, Jake. I’ll be alright.” You rest your head on his shoulder.
“Don’t lie to me, y/n—baby. Please. Please don’t lie to me.” His voice cracks, and his grip on your waist tightens. “How can you be okay here, baby? Away from Neytiri; from the kids.” His knees give out, and you both end up kneeling on the hard metal floor. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so fucking sorry. If I were a better man, a better husband, then you would be here. You wouldn’t be near that man. I should’ve—”
You cut his tangent off by pressing your lips against his. The kiss is short. Too short. It’s not enough. There’s not enough time.
“Jake, I love you. I don’t want a better husband because I have the perfect husband for me, and that’s you.” You take his hand and place it over your heart so he can feel it beat. “My heart only beats for one man. I’m here because I want our family safe. Me being here isn’t your fault.”
Jake internally scoffs at your attempt to soothe him. “How is it not my fault. If I hadn’t become Toruk Makto, then none of this would’ve happened.” Jake looks down at his feet, refusing to maintain eye contact with you.
You lean down to his level, forcing him to look at you. “Baby, I know you don’t see it, but you becoming Toruk Makto was the best thing you’ve done. Without that, we might not even have a family to protect.” Both of you sit, and you rest his head on your collarbone. “The RDA was going to attack with or without you; sooner or later. Eywa calls upon a Na’vi to ride the great Toruk to guide and give hope to The People.”
“If I weren’t Toruk Makto, then the RDA would have no reason to come after us.”
Your hands find their way to his cheeks, and you use your thumb to softly caress his blue skin. “Jake, even if you never became Toruk Makto, even if HomeTree never fell that day, the RDA would still come after us.” None of this is his fault. You wish he could see that.
Suddenly, you feel a strong pair of arms wrap around you, and you’re now on Jake’s lap. “I never had a purpose in life, never a reason to keep going. But I finally found it in you. In Neytiri. In the kids. I have something to protect, and I’ve failed—I’m a failure.”
Even with your hands holding his face up, his eyes still try to avoid your gaze. “Look at me, maJake. You aren’t a failure.” He tries to slink away, but you don’t let him. “You are not a failure. Our family is safe. You have kept us safe, Neytiri is safe with the kids. I’d have been here with or without you. We’ll be safe, I promise you. You see this?” You pull your kuru over your shoulder and show him the wiggling tendrils at the end. “I promise you that one day I’ll escape and I’ll visit you every day.”
“We don’t have much time left, let’s not spend the night in sorrow. Let’s let our last moments be joyful.”
Time became an illusion. The crowd of spectators never dissipates, but neither of you cares. This is your final night together, and all that matters is him. You spend the time in his arms as you reminisce about your favorite memories.
“Remember when Neteyam and Lo’ak were obsessed with earth music? They wouldn’t stop singing the same four songs for a week!”
You feel Jake smile from his spot behind you as he thinks back on the memory. “I never thought that Lo’ak would be a talented singer.”
Your short burst of giggles is interrupted when the door to the cage suddenly opens, revealing Quaritch. Your ears pin themselves to the sides of your head, and you can’t help the hiss that leaves your lips as you bare your teeth at him. He pays you no mind.
“End of the line, Jake. Zero six tomorrow.” The colonel announces once the door closes. “Varang wants your heart. But we’re going old school. Firing squad. Selfridge says it’s a better optic.”
Jake’s grip on your waist tightens. “You be a good dog for the suits.”
Quaritch shakes his head and walks to the two of you before kneeling down. “It’s not about them. It’s about me and you. It’s about a marine who betrayed my trust. About the men and women I lost.”
Jake finally removes his head from the crook of your neck to look at Quaritch. “Dead man’s memories.” Surprisingly, those words seem to get to Quaritch as he looks slightly taken aback momentarily. “Miles Quaritch is gone. You’re free.”
You want to scold Jake for trying to start a heart-to-heart with Quaritch. In blue skin or pink skin, the Miles Quarotch before you is the same man from sixteen years ago.
“There is a world out there. There’s things the big suits would never understand. The Na’vi call it ‘kame’, to see.”
The colonel’s frown deepens. “I know the word.”
“Then learn to see!” Jake shoots back before bringing his kuru to his front. “Connect to something greater than you—greater than anything you’ve ever known.” His free hand gently rests on your shoulder, and he subtly pulls you closer to his chest. Your glaring at Quaritch when your husband does that. You won’t let this man disrupt your peace with your husband. “I see this world. See yourself.” Jake’s tone is so soft as he tries to get through to the colonel, although you’re sure he’d have a better chance at success talking to a brick wall.
“I’ll see you at zero six.” Quaritch says sternly before he gets up to leave the cage, leaving Jake feeling disappointed.
You lean your head down to rest it on Jake’s shoulder. Your tail slithers between you both until it finds a comfortable place around his waist. “Don’t take it to heart, Jake. It’s impossible for that man to See. No matter what he looks like now, he’s still the same man from before; they all are.”
“He’s been here for months, and he still can’t See.” Jake groans out in frustration.
“A man who refuses to turn on the lights cannot see.”
More time flies, and the RDA is even kind enough to feed you both unidentifiable sludge. Neither of you eats it. At some point, you end up between Jake’s legs with your back pressed up against his chest with his kuru draped over your shoulder while you gently stroke it up and down.
“Remember, when we visited the Resistance HQ a little while after they rescued the Sarentu?” Jake gives a small hum of acknowledgment. “Well, did you see the way So’lek looked at Tamtey. He’s totally into them!”
Jake looks at you like you’ve grown a second head. “What’re you talking about? He looks at Tamtey the same way he does the other Sarentu.”
“No, he looks at Tamtey with love in his eyes, I can tell.”
“You couldn’t even tell that Neytiri and I liked you until we were about to mate.” Jake quips playfully.
“That was different! Plus, it’s easier to see when other people like each other.” You pout. Jake leans over to kiss you, but just as his lips are about to press against your cheek, a loud thundering sound booms behind you. Instinctively, Jake moves you behind him as you both watch as several towers explode in a blinding orange light. Just as fast as the explosions come, you see a shadow of an ikran fly above and scratch the top of the cage.
“Jake!”
Neytiri? Neytiri! What is she doing here?
The crowd of onlookers immediately panics, and it’s utter chaos as they all run away from the explosion and the spraying bullets, but you pay them no mind. You only pay attention to Neytiri as she expertly evades the bullets.
“Jake, it’s Neytiri!”
“I see that.” Jake says, while his grip on your waist tightens protectively.
Behind you, you hear a crash and see one of the screens fall down as a giant bulldozer plows through the area. You start to worry when you notice it making a beeline for the cage.
The armed men in skel-suits wave their hands in the air to try to signal to the person driving the machine to stop, but their attempts are futile.
Like idiots, the shoulders try to shoot at the zakru-sized machine as it raises its arms. Jake keeps you behind him as you both press yourselves against the walls of the cage. Jake covers your body with his to protect you from the shattered glass when the bulldozer breaks the cage.
“Come on, baby!” Jake holds onto your hand as he leads you underneath the bulldozer’s arms as it backs up. The soldiers quickly begin shooting when they realize what’s happening, but it’s useless when the arms go down.
The space beneath the bulldozer is barely high enough for you to walk comfortably. “MaJake, what’s going on?” You ask, unintentionally holding onto Jake’s arm tighter than before for comfort.
“I don’t know, baby, but this is our chance to escape.” Jake keeps you close while you both crouch underneath the bulldozer. When the bulldozer finally stops, you’re able to get out to see that it’s stuck; the sides are blocked off by the exploded debris.
“Jake! Jake!” You hear a man shout from underneath the hatch. Who is he? He’s not one of your own. The man runs to both of you. “This way! This way!” You both follow the strange man’s lead. Is this even a good idea? He did free you from the cage, but he’s also an unknown man affiliated with the RDA.
“Ian Garvin, marine bio.” You’re confused as to why the man suddenly introduces himself, considering the situation you’re in. “Gotta say, I’m a big fan of everything you’ve done. I’m a little awe-inspired right now. The way that you—”
“Shut up!” Jake whisper hisses at the man, and you all hide behind some pipes. “What’s the plan?”
The man gestures around him. “This is as far as I got.” He says, completely out of breath from the brief amount of running.
Jake purses his lips into a thin line. “Well then, there’s no plan; just Neytiri.” Honestly, Neytiri isn’t the worst plan. Although you hate the idea of your wife putting herself in grave danger trying to rescue you both.
Everywhere you go, there are soldiers and AMP. Suits patrolling. Your heart is practically leaping out of your chest from the anxiety. “Stay close to me, baby.”
The three of you stop behind some pillars as an AMP suit wanders around the dark room. “Why are you doing this?” Jake asks the out-of-shape marine biologist.
“There’s gonna be a massive tulkun hunt, the day after tomorrow. They’re hitting them with everything we’ve got.” Ian says breathlessly.
“The calf communion.” You whisper in disbelief.
The man nods as if to confirm what you said. “You’ve got to stop them. You’re the only one who can.”
Ian eventually leads you both to an area outdoors. There are fewer places to hide, and Scorpions are hovering above.
“Baby, take off that jumpsuit, we’ll be harder to spot.” Jake says as he quickly removes the bright orange suit.
“We’re big and blue, Jake. I we’re not that hard to spot.” You say while you remove the itchy polyester fabric.
When you remove the fabric, the scratches and beginnings of brusies that litter your skin are visible to Jake’s eyes. “Baby, what happened?” Jake asks as his hands traces one of the brusies around your neck.
Your hands rest over his and you give him a reassuring smile. “It’s nothing maJake, they just had the restraints far too tight when they were running the tests.” From Jake’s expression you can tell that he doesn’t fully believe you. “Let’s go we shouldn’t stay here long.”
As you keep running, you end up in another open-air area. You hear the sounds of a Scorpion nearby, you manage to get behind a bright yellow construction vehicle, but just as Jake and Ian are about to, the Scorpion begins spraying bullets. Jake manages to get to your side, but Ian isn’t so lucky.
“Go! Get out of here!” Jake shouts at the frightened man.
You and Jake are stuck behind the vehicle as the Scorpion pilot continuously sprays bullets at you both. You see a way to escape, but there’s no way you can safely get there.
“Hey, remember me?” Your ears perk up at the familiar voice. “That’s right, assholes, I don’t need this!” You peek from behind the vehicle to see Spider throwing his mask onto the ground. How and when did he get here? “What’re you gonna do? You gonna shoot me? You’re not gonna shoot me! You know you can’t!” Spider taunts the pilot as he slowly walks backward to you and Jake. “You can kiss my ass!”
“Spider, what’re you doing here? It’s too dangerous!” You try to scold the boy, but he pays you no mind; instead, he pushes you and Jake, encouraging you both to run.
The young boy uses himself as a shield by staying close to you. He even holds onto your tail. “Stay close to y/n!” Jakea shouts as he speeds up. The ground is a little slippery, and as you run for your lives, Spider’s grip on your tail loosens, and he falls down, although he still tries to keep up. “Stay with her, boy!”
“Spider, get on my back.” You bend down, and with no hesitation, Spider jumps on your back. It’s strange being able to carry the boy on your back once more. When he was younger, you could do so, but as he got older, he became too big and too heavy.
The light being emitted from the Scorpion is blinding, and Spider has to squint when he looks behind. “He’s coming back around!”
Goosebumps form on your skin when you get the sneaking suspicion that the RDA may no longer care about keeping Spider alive as long as they can kill Jake. You know that Parker would never take the risk, but Ardmore would.
You all end up in a dead end with the Scorpion hovering above. There’s nowhere to hide and nowhere to run. You’re trapped in a metal coffin.
Just as you believe that this is truly the end, the Scorpion goes down in a fiery blaze. Jake uses his body to shield you and Spider from the debris. Soon, you hear the sound of an ikran landing, and you all turn to see Neytiri, covered in the markings of the Mangkwan.
“MaJake!” Neytiri gestures with her head for you all to get onto Sa’ata.
“Neytiri!”
“Baby, I don’t know whether to kiss you or yell at you.”
You can see Neytiri quickly glance at Jake’s lips before moving back to his eyes. “You waste time.” Spider wastes no time as he’s already on Sa’ata. Soon, you and Spider are sandwiched between Jake and Neytiri as you take off.
Neytiri expertly weaves through the burning city, avoiding Mangkwan and Scorpions alike. Just so Neytiri can focus on flying, you grab onto her bow, prepared to shoot anything or anyone that threatens you. It’s your only weapon. The bow is far too heavy for Spider, and Jake is more comfortable with guns, so you’re the only one with free hands skilled enough to use it.
As much as you’d love to see Bridgehead completely destroyed, this is only a rescue mission. You don’t have the personnel or equipment to reclaim this land for Pandora. One ikran, three na’vi, and one human teenager won’t be enough, so evading conflict is the best course of action.
Just as you’re about to exit the borders of the Bridgehead, a lone Mangkwan raider pops out of the woodworks on her ikran with a rocket launcher in hand. As you draw back the bow, the raider releases her rocket. Neytiri dodges the rocket, which gives you the perfect shot of the raider. You let go of the arrow and pray to Eywa that you don’t hit the poor ikran. Luckily for you and the ikran, the arrow hits the raider square in her heart, causing her to unceremoniously fall off her ikran and onto the polluted ground beneath you.
“My love, what are you doing here?” You ask your wife.
“I thought about a life without you both in it, and I realized I couldn’t. I couldn’t lose either one of you.” Neytiri’s confession brings tears to your eyes. You can’t imagine a life without her either.
Jake’s hands rest on the sides of your shoulders, gently rubbing up and down. “You’ve been through a lot, baby. You should rest.”
At the mention of sleep, a deep yawn takes over your body. “I’m fine, Jake. You were the one on death row, not me. You should sleep.”
Jake pulls you closer to his chest and presses a kiss over one of the bruises on your neck. “You know I can’t sleep until I know both of my girls are okay. Sleep for me, baby.” As much as you want to stay up and stay alert, your body betrays you, and you can feel exhaustion taking over.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
“Wake up, baby.” You wake up groggily to the sound of Jake’s voice and him gently nudging you awake. The sun is already out, and you’re at some random river in the forest. Where are you?
“I gotta take a huge leak.” You hear Spider announce while Jake helps you off of Sa’ata. “You guys landed just in time.”
While Jake and Neytiri walk to the side—far enough away to where you can’t hear anything unless you strain— you follow Spider to the river. You bend down to look at your reflection in the clear stream.
Whore.
That’s what you see. Just a few hours ago, you let another man inside of you, and for what? Jake’s alive. He’s alive, you’ll see him again. So why did you let that man onto you?
Dirty.
The water is calling your name. You want to be clean again. You need to be. You can still feel his touch. It’s everywhere. It’s repulsive. Why did you let him do that to you? How could you betray your mates like that? The water is clean. It’ll make you clean again.
“Good idea, drink first, then piss in the stream.”
The sound of Spider’s voice snaps you out of your trance just as your fingertips graze the top of the water. What’re you doing? You’re not alone. You can’t let those thoughts consume you. Not again.
“Spider, how are you feeling?” You ask, crouching beside the teenager. “Did they hurt you?” You reach out to touch his head, but he dodges it. He used to be so touchy, but ever since the war, he has avoided touching. You know that even if he denies it, you know that the RDA has something to do with it.
“I’m fine, this thing is just itchy.” He says, tugging at the zipper of his jumpsuit. “They didn’t even put a fly in this thing! That’s just stupid.”
You smile softly, deciding not to push the subject. Not right now. “It is itchy, let’s get it off you.” You help the boy out of the poor-quality fabric. “That’s much better, the Spider I know doesn’t wear pants.”
He laughs and turns to you. “Are you hungry? Cause I’m starving.” His ability to act like everything’s fine both impresses and worries you. Has your bad habit rubbed off on him as well?
“Did they not feed you?” You ask worriedly. Spider was a high-value asset for them; surely, they’d feed him something.
“Quaritch tried to give something called a cheeseburger. But it didn’t look like real food, so I didn’t eat it.”
You snort inwardly at the thought of Quaritch giving a teen who hunts and forages for his own food some highly processed garbage. “You’re right, that probably wasn’t real food. They probably 3D printed it or something.” Spider looks at you in horror at the mention of 3D printed food. “Don’t worry, I’m sure we’ll be able to find some fruits nearby.”
“Spider.” Both you and Spider turn to look at Jake. “C’mere.”
Something feels off, but you and Spider walk to Jake. “What’s going on?” The boy asks cautiously, but Jake doesn’t answer. Instead, he places his hand on Spider’s shoulder.
“Just come with me.”
“Where are you going, Jake?” You ask.
Jake continues to guide Spider further into the forest. “I just need to talk to Spider, privately.”
Why does that sound so ominous? Your mind isn’t in its right state right now; you’re probably just overthinking. A lot has happened to Spider in a short period of time, and it’d make sense that Jake would want to talk to him about it, and it’d probably be easier for Spider to open up if it’s just him and Jake. But what you can’t stop thinking about is the look on Neytiri’s face. It’s not like her.
“Yawne, is everything alright?” Neytiri doesn’t answer you. Instead, she crouches down at the riverbank and begins frantically splashing water all over her face, panting and crying as she does so.
You quickly kneel beside her and rest one of your hands on her back. “Neytiri, what’s wrong? Please talk to me.”
She keeps splashing water on her face and rubbing it. The paint on her face begins to turn into a muddy mess while the red pools in the water like blood. You know these motions. Desperately using water to cleanse something deep inside. It’s not just about being physically clean, about cleansing the sin out of you.
Neytiri looks down at her red-stained hands. “W-we have to stop him.” Stop who? Stop him from what? Neytiri looks at you with a tear-stained face. “He’s going to kill Spider.”
Kill Spider?
Your body moves before your brain can fully process what she just told you.
Please, Great Mother, please, don’t let me be too late. That’s all that runs through your brain as you sprint through the forest. How could he even think of killing Spider? How could he not even talk to you?
They couldn’t have gone far. You’re following their scent trail, but it feels like you’re going nowhere; every centimeter you run feels like a mile. In the far distance, you can see the silhouette of Jake with his right arm raised and a knife firmly in his grasp.
“Jake, no!”
That blood-curdling cry is the only thing you’re able to release.
You’re too late.
A/N- I was making myself sad writing this chapter. Reader is going through the wringer, and unfortunately for her, I have more planned for her. It's gonna be a while before there's some more fluff.
Content Warnings- Past Domestic Abuse, Allusions to Past Assault, Mentions of Suicide, Brief Suggestive Content
Chapter Summary- You pray to the Great Mother to get an answer to one of your biggest problems, and she answers, but you still have to deal with your other issues yourself. You and your husband decide to work on your strained relationship, starting with a date night, it's wonderful. Unfortunately, that happiness doesn't last long.
wc- 10.3k
Previous Chapter
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
With the festival tomorrow and the calf communion in less than a week, Awa’atlu is buzzing with life. Everywhere you look, someone is preparing for the festivities. And unfortunately for you, it gives Lo’ak the perfect opportunity to avoid you. Ever since Jake interrupted your little intervention with Lo’ak, he’s been glued to Tsireya or one of his siblings.
You hate that he’s avoiding you. And you hate that he knows that you won’t say or do anything to raise anyone’s suspicions. You just want to talk with your youngest son. He can’t turn out like you.
“Sa’nu, do you have more of that itching paste? My chest is really itchy.” Your attention is drawn to your eldest, who is vigorously scratching on his bandaged bullet wound. You quickly swat his hand away so he doesn’t accidentally reopen his wound.
“I don’t, Teyam. Maybe the tsahìk has something to help you.” You hope Ronal isn’t too busy as you lead Neteyam to the healing marui. The calf communion is in a few days, and something with so much spiritual significance is the domain of the tsahìk. You know how to make an anti-itching paste from your time with Mo’at. But unfortunately, you don’t know how to make it with the plants found on Awa’atlu, so you’re left no choice but to ask her yourself. Throughout the walk, you find yourself frequently swatting Neteyam’s hand away from his healing wound. Thankfully, despite the village being busy, it doesn’t take long to reach the healing marui, and thankfully, Ronal is in there. You rush over to her when you see her clutching her protruding stomach, taking deep, controlled breaths.
“Tsahìk, are you okay? Should I get your husband?” You ask worriedly as you carefully rest your hands on Ronal’s back, but she swats them away. “I’m fine. My baby is preparing herself to enter the world. It is not the most pleasant feeling in the world.” You feel a little useless, not knowing what you can do to help. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
“No.” Ronal groans through gritted teeth. There’s no doubt in your mind that she’s in an incredible amount of pain. “Are you sure tsahìk? You look like you’re in a lot of pain.” Ronal shoots you a glare. “I said no. This is normal.” You’re confused by her words. Neytiri has been pregnant three times and was never in this much pain until she went into labor. “Neytiri wasn’t like this.” You didn’t realize you spoke out loud until Ronal responded. “She was pregnant with half-breeds, I am not.” Ronal breathes harshly through the pain. “Why have you come here?”
You stutter over your words before you’re able to speak properly. “My son’s wound is causing him some discomfort. I was wondering if you had a paste that could help with the itching. I’d make one myself, but I don’t know much about the plants here.”
Ronal raises a hairless eyebrow at you. “A dreamwalker knows how to make Na’vi medicine?” You nod at her question, and your hands are fidgeting in front of you. “My mother-in-law is the tsahìk of the Omatikaya; she taught me, although my knowledge doesn’t extend beyond the forest.”
The tsahìk says nothing about your statement. Instead, she turns to rummage through a nearby stash before raising a small wooden jar to you. “Take this; this should help with the aftereffects of Sky People poison.” Ronal passes it to you, and you pass it to Neteyam, who happily opens it and applies a generous amount of paste onto his wound after he lifts his bandage. Just as you get up to leave the healing marui, Ronal stops you. “Stay, let me assess your wounds.” She leaves you no room for disagreement, so you obey. With just your eyes, you tell Neteyam to leave. Something tells you she’s not only checking your physical wounds.
Ronal makes you take off your top before she removes your bandages. You know the Na’vi don’t care about nudity the same way humans do, but having your bare breasts exposed to someone other than your mates still makes you a little uncomfortable, even if it’s the tsahìk.
“There will be minimal scarring.” Ronal remarks absentmindedly. “You won’t need these bandages any longer.”
That’s good. No longer will your children have to look at the physical reminder of your weak mental state. They deserve better than that.
“Tsahìk…” You trail off until Ronal gives you an acknowledging hmm. “If a great evil, one from your past. An evil that should be dead suddenly appeared again to hunt you. What would you do?” The Metkayina tsahìk looks like she’s genuinely contemplating your question.
“I am tsahìk. I turn to Eywa for all matters, big and small.” You can’t be surprised by her answer. She is a tsahìk, after all; Eywa is her lifeline, her guiding light. “What if Eywa does not come?” You ask defeatedly. “Eywa answers all who come to her when the time is right.”
Her answer both helps and doesn’t. It’s frustrating. You know how the Great Mother works. You know that she doesn’t take sides. And you know that she doesn’t reveal things if she doesn’t believe it’s the right time. But you want answers now. You don’t know how much longer you’ll last knowing that Wainfleet still breathes.
“Your children are looking forward to the festival. Talk to the Great Mother so you can share their excitement.”
Connecting to the Spirit Tree is quite different from connecting to the Tree of Souls, mainly because it’s not something you can safely do by yourself, since you have to be underwater to do so. Unlike your family, you didn’t learn how to safely stay underwater for prolonged periods of time. Luckily for you, you find Neytiri underneath some marui, drawing her bow in quick spurts to work her healing shoulder back to its original strength.
“MaTiri.” Your wife’s ears immediately prick up at the sound of your voice. “MaSyulang, what are you doing here? Are you alright? Where are your bandages?” She hits you with several questions all at once as she rushes over to examine your face and body.
“I’m fine, my love, Ronal says I’m well. I came to ask you for a favor.” Neytiri looks at you with a puzzled expression. “Can you accompany me to the Spirit Tree? I want to talk to Eywa.”
“Syulang, you know I always want you to connect with the Great Mother, but I don’t know if it’ll be a good idea. You’re still weak, and it’ll be dangerous.” Unlike Jake, you know Neytiri isn’t going to outright deny your request to commune with Eywa; with enough pleading, you know she’ll give in.
“Please, Tiri.” You intertwine your four-fingered hands with her three-fingered ones. You pull her close to you and lean down to rest your head on her chest. “I need the Great Mother right now. I will be safe, I’ll have you by my side.” Neytiri bites her lip as she considers your plea before ultimately giving in.
Instead of taking two ilu’s down to the Spirit Tree, Neytiri insists that you ride with her so that you can connect to a txampayse. The weird jellyfish-like creature glows a vivid orange shade as it clings to your back. It’s weird not breathing but still getting enough oxygen through the creature. Seeing the Spirit Tree for the first time is awe-inspiring. It reminds you of the first time you saw the Tree of Souls. As you approach the Spirit Tree, you stop making tsaheylu with the txampayse, but just before you do, you see Neytiri telling you to be careful, just with her eyes.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The news of Sylwanin’s death hit you like a train. Sure, you hadn’t known her for years, but the news of her death hit you as if you had heard a sibling had died. Her, Tsu’tey, and Neytiri were the first friends you ever made in life, and now they’re gone. Your friends are gone.
You’ll never see them again.
How useless could you be? She was your friend, and you just let her die. Your life means nothing to no one; it should’ve been you to die. She was the tsakarem. She was meant to become the tsahìk after Mo’at; she was wanted and loved by her people. She will be missed, you won’t, so why wasn’t it you that died?
Even now, as you wallow in your sorrow, you’re useless. Grace has known Sylwanin and the other students far longer than you, and yet she still manages to get her work done. Even in her grief, she remains steadfast in her research, and she’s even doing your work while you just sit in your dingy, cold room staring at the white ceiling.
You’re useless. Utterly useless.
You’re cursed.
You’re not meant to be loved.
You’re meant to be alone.
Everyone who gets close to you either leaves or gets hurt. You’re the problem. You’re not meant to be loved. This must be the universe’s way of punishing you for thinking that you could be happy. This pain is from your own stupidity and uselessness. You were stupid to believe that you could have friends, stupid to think that you’d no longer be alone. You’re useless because you couldn’t even protect the people you claimed to love like family. You’re a joke.
Knock.
Knock, Knock.
Knock.
Four knocks exactly. You know who’s knocking, and your skin crawls at the thought. You opt to ignore him. Maybe if you’re quiet, he’ll think you’re somewhere else and go away. “I know you’re in there, Sleeping Beauty. Now open the door before I get mad.” You don’t want to. You know what’s going to happen the moment you open the door. But it’s not like you have a choice in the matter.
Lyle ignores your disheveled appearance and hollow eyes as he enters your room like it’s his, as he absentmindedly plays with his belt buckle. “I overheard those geeks talking about how you’ve been locking yourself in your room.” You don’t bother responding to him; you don’t have the energy. You just continue to give him a blank stare with dull, hollow eyes. He takes your silence as an opportunity to resume polluting your ears with his agitating voice. “You’re lucky I’m such a good guy. Who else would help you through one of your little tantrums?” Your persistent silence aggravates him to no end, and he yanks you by the nape of your neck to force you to look at him. It hurts, but not as much as the pain in your heart.
“You’re acting like a spoiled bitch right now.” If his teeth weren’t gritted, you’re sure some of his spit would’ve landed on your face. “I take time out of my busy day to cheer you up, and you’re moping around, and over what? Some dead blue monkey bitch?” Hate begins swirling in your eyes at his crude allusions to Sylwanin. “Serves those savages right. They’re lucky I just shot them; I should’ve had my people take them in to pay off their debt. Those machines were expensive.”
You shake yourself away from Wainfleet’s grasp and stare at him, dead in his eyes. “Y-you shot them?” Your voice waivers just a little as you choke out your words. Wainfleet shrugs, not seeing, or rather not caring about the issue. “It’s my job to eliminate threats, so I did just that.”
You glare at the man in front of you in disbelief. “Threat?” You repeat to yourself, barely above a whisper. Your body moves without you even realizing it until the crisp sound of a slap rings through the room. “You’re a murderer! Those were children protecting their home, and you killed them in cold blood! I hate y—” Your hysterical cries are interrupted when Wainfleet slaps you so hard across your face that you fall and hit the side of your bed frame. Warm crimson blood trickles down your forehead, but you don’t care. You don’t even feel it at the moment. All you feel is your unbridled revoltion towards the man looming over you. “Get out! I hate y—” You’re interrupted once more when Wainfleet once again violently slaps you before seizing you by your thin pajama shirt. “You fucking slut!” He slaps you once again. “You dare to hit me because of some savages?” Another slap.
You don’t know what comes over you, but you kick Lyle right in his stomach. Your kick does nothing but make him angrier, and he rewards you with another harsh slap. You’re sure your face is going to be swollen if not bruised by the end. You try to free yourself from Wainfleet’s grasp, but he’s much stronger than you. You continue to try to kick and scratch him. “You’re a monster! You should be the one to die! Why can’t you just die? I want you to die! I hate you!” As you cry maniacally, the blood trickling down from your forehead begins to mix with your tears. To shut you up, Wainfleet clasps his hands over your mouth, paying no attention to you drawing his own blood by biting him. “You’d love me dead, wouldn’t you?” Wainfleet looms over you like a deranged man. “You’d just love it if one of those monkeys shot me through the heart with an arrow, wouldn’t you? You wanna get rid of me, don’t ya?” Wainfleet lets go of your mouth, but he gives you no time to speak before pummeling your face with slaps and punches, knocking the wind out of you.
“Too bad for you, I ain’t dead because that’s the only way you’ll get rid of me.”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The memory was painful; you’re sure that if you weren’t underwater, tears would be streaming down your face. But it was necessary to see. Eywa has shown you your path.
You must kill him.
You must. He must die by your hands. He must suffer by your hands. Only then can you find peace again. You were taught how to make a clean kill, but for the sake of your happiness, you must cause him immense amounts of pain. Seeing the life slowly drain out of his eyes will be the only way you can find peace. When you disconnect from the tree, you signal to Neytiri, letting her know that you’re ready to surface.
“MaSyulang, are you alright?” Neytiri asks as soon as the ilu brings you both to the surface. You wrap your arms around her waist and press a small, gentle kiss on her cheek. “I’m well, my love. The Great Mother has helped.”
“That is wonderful, Syulang! Do you want to talk about it?” You shake your head. Although you’re sure this is what you want to do to get rid of the ghost from your past, you’re not sure how Neytiri and especially Jake would react to you wanting to do something so violent. “Maybe later.” You respond noncommitally. “We should head back to the marui before someone comes looking for us.”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
You miss your husband. There’s no other way to describe it. You know that you both love each other immensely, but with the return of the RDA and especially Quaritch, your relationship has been strained. It’s been so long since you’ve spent any time alone with each other. You want to fix that, and luckily for you, the festival gives you the perfect opportunity to do so. Unfortunately, Jake rarely takes time to relax since he’s always paranoid about the RDA popping up when he least expects it. You’re going to force him to spend time with you. You can’t let your relationship stay strained.
“MaSyulang, are you ready for the festival?” Neytiri asks as you sit between her thighs as she finishes braiding your hair. “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that.” She looks at you with a puzzled expression. “What is it?”
“I fear that— I want to spend the night with Jake. It’s been so long since we’ve had time alone together. Things have been so tough lately, and I miss how we used to be.”
Neytiri kneels down so that she’s now eye level with you, her hands rake through your freshly braided hair. “I do miss how you two used to be. I miss how you two would bond over your human things that made no sense to me.” Your ears fall a little as she speaks. You do miss that too. Sure, life on Earth was hell, but it was still the place you were born and spent half of your life. Bonding over hell is still bonding. “How can I help?” One thing you love about Neytiri is her ability to pick up what you’re putting down.
“If it’s okay with you, I would like you to keep an eye on the children. I’d like to spend some uninterrupted time with Jake.” If Neytiri had eyebrows, you’re sure they’d be arched into a semicircle like a 1920s silent film actress. “I don’t mean like that.” You have to pause for a moment to figure out how to articulate yourself properly. “It’s just that Jake always has his guard up since he’s so worried about us, especially the children. I just want a night where we’re like we were before the children.”
Neytiri gives you a small smile as she moves one of your braids from the front of your face to tuck it behind your pointed ear before resting her hand on your cheek. “I think that’s a wonderful idea, maSyulang.”
“Thank you.” You take Neytiri’s hand from your cheek to intertwine it with your own before pressing a kiss to hers. “I promise that I’ll spend a day just with you. I’m just so worried about Jake that I want to focus on him first.”
“I understand, my love. Don’t worry about the children, I will care for them.” She leans down to press a kiss onto your lips. “I’ll look forward to our time together.” You return her kiss as a silent thank-you.
“Jake is likely patrolling near the seawall terrace on Bob. You might be able to find him there.” You love that your wife has the ability to know exactly what you’re about to ask before you can even say it. You kiss her once more as a thanks.
Even without an ilu, getting to the seawall isn’t difficult. One section of the wall is close enough to the village that you can just walk on it. And just as Neytiri stated, Jake is up in the air on Bob, no doubt holding a gun close to his chest.
“Jake!” You cup your hands near your mouth in hopes that you’ll be louder than the ambient sound of waves crashing onto the wall. Luckily for you, you’re either loud enough, or Jake is always in tune with the sound of your voice that he hears you anyway.
Jake quickly lands Bob and approaches you with a concerned expression. “Baby, what’re you doing here? It’s too dangerous! You should go—” You interrupt Jake’s worried rant by pulling him into a tight hug and burying your face into his broad blue chest.
“I miss my husband.”
Your innocent confession leaves Jake speechless. His hands stay awkwardly in the air like a teenage boy too scared to hug his girlfriend for the first time. “What do you mean, baby? You see me every day.”
“We don’t spend time together anymore, not like how we used to.” You pull him closer to you, your words slightly muffled by his broad chest. “I feel like ever since the RDA came back, all we do is argue. I miss how we used to be.”
Jake starts to panic a little when he feels his chest get wet right where your face is. He leans down just enough so he’s at eye level with you and able to wipe away your tears. “I’m sorry, baby. Things have been stressful to say the least.” His hands finally rest on your hips, and he nuzzles his head onto the top of your head. He smells like sea salt and metal. It’s an unusual combination, and you’re sure it’s not attractive to other Na’vi, but you don’t care. It smells like Jake, it smells like comfort. No matter the difficulties you’ve faced, he is your husband. You’re mated for life. You’ll love him for life. “I’m truly sorry, baby. I promised you that I’d do better, and I haven’t done that yet. I’ve been a terrible husband to both you and Neytiri. I’ve been an even worse father.”
“It’s not all on you, Jake. I haven’t been the best wife or mother.” Being vulnerable like this is hard. You want to project an image of strength and resilience to your family, but if you’re honest with yourself, you’d just be projecting a lie. The truth is that you’re scared. You’re scared. Scared for your family. Scared for Lo’ak. Scared of the RDA. Scared of Lyle. But despite all of your fears, there’s nothing you wouldn’t do to ensure the happiness and safety of the ones you love. You know Jake is the same. He might bottle up his emotions like you do, he may make disastrous decisions in hindsight, but you know that everything he’s done and said has come from a place of immense love. “Jake, let’s let today be about us. Just us as husband and wife.”
Your husband doesn’t immediately respond; he just places a gentle kiss on your lips. The two of you get lost in passion. You both just want to enjoy each other's touch. Words cannot describe how much you’ve needed this. His lips no longer dwarf yours, and you once again feel like you’re meant to be by his side.
His hands start to roam around your hips and back, not in a sexual manner, but as if he’s trying to memorize the curve of your spine, the angle of your hips. Your tail sways behind you to the rhythm of your lips. Jake’s groans get muffled between your lips and the sound of the crashing waves. Your arms find their way to his shoulders, and you play with the ends of his hair until you make your way to his kuru. You don’t tug on it playfully like you normally do. Instead, you gently trace over the ridges of the thick braid covering his most sacred area. You smile into the kiss when you feel him shudder under your touch.
“I love you, baby.”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
It’s been so long since you’ve witnessed a festival like this. The village is alive. Warm lights from the fire contrast with the cool blue of the ocean and night sky. Drums beat to the rhythm of the waves. You forgot how much you enjoyed watching Na’vi festivals.
You’re brought back to your first festival when you were accepted as a member of the Omatikaya. Despite knowing what would happen the next day, the festival was still one of your favorite memories. You had your first sips of Na’vi alcohol, you got to dance with Tsu’tey, and later that night, your first son would be conceived. You’re so lost in thought that you don’t realize a small smile is creeping up on your face.
“What’s got you so happy?” Your eyes flicker up to your husband, who’s walking towards you with a vial of liquid and some fish on skewers.
“I’m just remembering our Dream Hunt festival.” You answer before briefly kissing him when he sits down. Jake offers you some fish before speaking. “It was a good night, the morning not so much—” You furrow your brows at your husband and place a finger over his lips to shut him up. “We promised we wouldn’t talk about serious things tonight. Today is just us being happy.”
“Sorry, baby.” As an apology, Jake lifts up a piece of fish to your lips for you to take a bite of, which you happily do. Your new Na’vi senses make the flavors of the fish explode even more into your mouth. You thoroughly enjoy all of the Metkayina herbs present in the fish until something hits you right in the back of your throat. Slowly but surely, your mouth feels like you drank a bucket of lava. You’re not sure if you’re sweating or not, but you definitely feel like it. You look at Jake with wide eyes as you pant and fan your mouth with your hand. “W-what was that?” You manage to cough out. “Water, I-I need w-water.” Jake panics as he looks at your distressed state and frantically searches beside him for some water. Without even paying attention to which vial of liquid he picks, he gently feeds you some of the drink. You hurriedly chug it, and some liquid ends up dripping down your chin. When you finally process what you’re drinking, you stop and choke a little. Jake pats your back, looking a little helpless as to how to help you. “What’s wrong?”
“That was alcohol, maJake.” You wheeze out since your mouth now feels like you inhaled the sun. “I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t know, I just picked up whatever looked tasty.” Jake admits sheepishly as he rubs comforting circles on your back.
“It was good, until the spice kicked in.” You say as you suck air in through your teeth in an attempt to cool your mouth down. “Who knew the Metkayina made food that spicy.” Jake gives you a weak smile when he sees you finally calm down.
“I am really sorry, baby.” Jake apologizes once more. “It’s fine, Jake. It’s not the first time you’ve burnt my mouth with spicy fish anyways.” Jake face palms and groans at your joke.
Years ago, when Neytiri was pregnant with Tuk, Neytiri was craving yerik meat. Jake decided to make spicy yerik ribs for her since she had been enjoying spicy food around that time. Since you couldn’t eat yerik meat, Jake also cooked some mudcrawlers and octofishes for you. Jake being Jake, thought it’d be a good idea to slather the spicy herb sauce all over the fish. You practically turned into a fire-breathing dragon after the first bite of fish. From one bite, your stomach was in knots the next day. But at least Jake decided to make it up to you with many cuddles and kisses as you watched your favorite movie together.
“I really should be wary of the next time you give me fish. Maybe it’ll have a volcano at its center.” You nudge him a little with your shoulder as you stifle your mini laughing fit. Jake pouts, and you kiss him to cheer him up. It was supposed to be a quick and chaste kiss, but when you move away to break the kiss, Jake follows you. The kiss intensifies as if Jake is trying to mold your lips onto his. A particularly loud bang of the drum forces you to remember that you’re out in public. Much to Jake’s chagrin, you manage to successfully break the kiss upon that realization. To pacify him, you intertwine your tails together and rest your head on his shoulder. As the two of you watch the Metkayina dance, you begin to absentmindedly trace patterns onto his hand.
“Their dances are so beautiful.” You casually state while you play with his fingers. “Do you want to dance?” Jake asks, offering one of his hands to you. You look at your husband like he grew a third head.
“No, I couldn’t— I’d just like to watch.”
“Why not? You look great when you’re dancing with Neytiri.”
“That is with Neytiri, and it’s with Omatikaya dances.” You roll your eyes and try to turn your back to Jake, but he just wraps his arms and legs around you, something he’s done countless times. “I think you’re a great dancer, no matter what.” After saying that, Jake pushes your hair to one side to pepper loving kisses across the exposed skin of your upper back and neck. It’s like he’s kissing each and every tanhì that litters your skin.
You can’t help but half-heartedly scoff at your husband. “You’re just saying that because you’re my husband.” You can feel a toothy grin form on his face. “Partially. But I can’t help it. I think everything my wife does is amazing.” His hands that are resting on your stomach begin to trace your stripes while he plants his face squarely in the crook of your neck so he can inhale your intoxicating aroma. “I think you’re amazing. I love you.” He confesses just before nipping at your neck, causing you to yelp.
“I love you too, but we are in public, Jake. You can’t do that.” You whine, attempting to be stern when in reality you’re melting into your husband’s touch. You do miss the carefree love like this that the two of you shared before the return of the RDA.
“So? You know the Na’vi don’t care about PDA the way humans do. All they see is a man loving his gorgeous wife.” His scent starts to mix with your own as he nuzzles his face into you. It’s practically a rule that you must smell like him. When Jake is being his normal self, he gets pouty when he realizes you no longer smell like him. Sometimes it got so bad that the Omatikaya would think that Jake was nearby when in reality it was just you.
Out of the blue, you no longer feel a massive warmth on your back. Jake stands up to move in front of you to offer his hand to you. “May I have the honor of flying with you, m’lady?” A beautiful chorus of laughter leaves your lips when Jake suddenly decides to speak like one of those rich gentlemen in the cheesy romance movies you watch together. “Of course you can, sir.” You giggle as you play along, happily taking his hand, and he kisses it immediately upon contact. As Jake leads you to the beachfront, you feel him tug on your tail. Instead of playfully wacking him with your tail like you normally would, you decide to use one of your hands to smack his ass before resting your hand on one of his cheeks. If he wore pants, your hand would rest in one of his pockets, but alas tewngs don’t have pockets, so you’re left with no choice but to hold onto his bare ass; oh, the horror.
“Hey, what was that for?” Jake asks, startled by your uncharacteristically bold move. You have to cover your mouth with your free hand to stifle your laugh. “It’s so big, and it used to always be in my face; I always wanted to smack it, but I never had the right opportunity to do so until now.” You accentuate your point by squeezing his cheek just a little. You think he’s going to retaliate and do the same to you when you see a little smirk appear on his face, but instead, he wraps his arm around your waist to pull you closer to his side while you walk.
“What happened to us being in public?”
“We’re far away from everyone right now. Besides, if anyone did see, all they’ll see is a wife loving her husband.” You reply cheekily, pressing a kiss onto his jawline. Jake takes this opportunity to surprise you by swinging you around, dipping you down, one hand supports your back while the other one is firmly holding onto your thigh, as your own hands instinctively wrap around his neck for support. Just as you’re about to voice your surprise, Jake’s lips crash onto yours in a smoldering kiss. Your complaints are quickly muffled by his lips.
When you finally melt into the kiss, your tail curls happily behind you, and your hands rub up and down Jake’s back. His grip on your thigh and back keeps your fronts pressed firmly against each other. There’s hardly room for a single sheet of paper to fit between you both, and yet it somehow feels like you’re not close enough. The kiss is full of warmth, love, and passion; it’s intoxicating.
A small whine leaves your lips when you feel Jake pull away. You try to follow him to continue the kiss, but he doesn’t let you; instead, choosing to nuzzle his nose with yours before resting his forehead on yours as you both gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes.
“I love you, y/n.”
“I love you too, Jake.”
Soon enough, Jake calls for Bob. When he arrives, he practically knocks you over with his head, demanding head pats. You comply happily. Jake stands by, pouting as he watches both his wife and ikran ignore his existence.
“You never give me head rubs.” Jake whines as he childishly tugs on the side of your tewng. You give your husband a playful side eye. “That’s because Bob is a good boy.” The ikran chirps as if to say that he agrees. Continuing to play along, Jakees feigns being hurt. “I’m a good boy too.” You can’t help but laugh out loud at hearing a grown man say that. As a reward for making you laugh, you give Jake a quick peck on the lips. Not long after that, Jake makes tsaheylu with Bob and has you sit in front of him before taking off.
It’s not the first time you’ve flown with Jake, and if your husband has it his way, it won’t be the last. You love flying with him. The cool wind blowing through your hair will always feel nice. And Jake’s warm embrace, keeping you steady will never not be enjoyable.
Although you enjoy flying with Jake, you can’t stop your mind from drifting to your own ikran. There’s no doubt in your mind that Sreton’ong is an anxious mess right now. He finally got you back, but now you’re separated once more. You know he’s safe at High Camp, but he doesn’t know you’re safe with the Metkayina. You had to ask Norm to keep an eye out for him because your ikran is incredibly stubborn and would try to escape from High Camp before he was fully healed, just so he could be with you. He’d happily take your scolding over being separated any day.
“Are you okay, baby?” Jake asks, sensing your mood. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just thinking of Sreton’ong. I’m half expecting him to just pop out of nowhere.” You lean back and rest your head on his shoulder. “I told him to stay put until he’s healed, but I don’t think he’ll listen for much longer. If he isn’t already flying his way back as we speak.” From your position underneath your husband, you can see a toothy grin form on his face. “He sounds like someone I know.” You know he’s referring to you, but you won’t give him the satisfaction of being right. You’re not that stubborn.
It’s not long before the warm light of the fire in the village fades from view, and all you’re left with is the beautiful, natural bioluminescence of Pandora. When Jake finds a secluded beach, he lands Bob. He doesn’t let you get off Bob on your own; instead, he picks you up by your waist and twirls you around in the air before he lets you stand on your own two feet.
One of his hands lets go of your waist so he can clasp one of your hands before kissing your knuckles, looking deeply into your eyes as he does. “May I have the honor of dancing with you, m’lady?” Despite the cheesy posh accent he puts on, it is betrayed by the goofy smile plastered all over his face. “You may, sir.” You say, mimicking his accent.
Instead of dancing the traditional Omatikaya dances you both learned over the years, the two of you opt to dance like the people in the movies you watch do. Neither one of you knows how to ballroom dance, and you’re sure you’d give any instructor worth their salt a heart attack at the sight of your clumsy movements. There is no music, but the music of your beating hearts is enough. After each twirl, Jake dips you down to steal a not-so chaste kiss. Because the two of you are so captivated by each other’s eyes, neither one of you is paying attention to the sandy shore below, which inevitably leads to Jake tripping and falling backwards, bringing you down with him.
You end up straddling Jake with your faces barely an inch apart. As you both catch your breath, you take this opportunity to admire the man you love. His yellow eyes, his tahnì, his scars, the way his hair soaks up the salty water beneath him. Instinctively, your lips find his.
The two of you are lost in your own world. Your hands cup his cheeks while his hands hold onto your hips as you begin to grind on him. Your tewngs are giving some much-needed friction to your increasingly aching clit.
The intoxicating mix of his musky arousal and the salty sea has you grinding harder onto his crotch. Both of you are left breathless and moaning into your searing kiss. You want more of your husband.
One of your hands leaves its spot on his face to teasingly travel down his body, down his Adam’s apple, to his collarbone, to his budding nipple, and down his abs until you reach the fabric obstructing you from your goal. You don’t bother to remove his tewng and instead creep your way down the fabric to reach your target. Just before your hand can make its way down to his dripping slit, a firm hand grips your wrist.
“Wait, baby.” You think Jake is just trying to stop you from satisfying him first. It wouldn’t be the first time. Every time you’d complain, he’d just say that a man cums after his woman or that a lady’s pleasure comes first. But that was when you were physically human; now you’re able to actually put up a fight. “I smell you, maJake, you want this.” You bite his bottom lip. “Let me make you feel good.” When you try to resume your way to his slit, he yanks your hand away, and you’re forced to look at his pleading eyes. Your horniess plummets like a Valkyrie ship. He’s serious.
When you realize that, you immediately stop touching him and try to jump off his lap, but Jake sits up and keeps you sitting so that your body is perpendicular to his. You feel horrible while you try to stifle the tears forming in your eyes. “I-I’m sorry.” You barely manage to choke out, trying not to have a panic attack. How could you initially ignore your husband like that? You’re a terrible person. Jake pulls you closer to his chest and rubs your arms to calm you down. “Listen, baby, it’s not like I don’t want to have sex with you, it just—”
“You don’t have to explain why, Jake. Any reason not to should be respected. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you the first time.” Your words are muffled by his chest, but Jake hears you clearly. At first, Jake is confused as to why you’re reacting so strongly, but that’s quickly replaced with sadness when he remembers your troubled history with sex, and he knows what thoughts are plaguing your mind right now.
“Look at me, baby. Look at me.” He forces you to look at him so he can wipe the tears from your eyes. “You are nothing like that man, you hear me? Nothing. I don’t want you to ever think that.”
“But you told me to stop, and I didn’t—” “Baby, you did stop. You’re nothing like him, okay. You stopped. You’re not like that man, please don’t think you’re like him, please.” He kisses the top of your head while he rocks you back and forth in his lap as waves gently crash against his thigh. “And I don’t want you to think that I don’t want to have sex with you, Eywa knows how much I want you, but I’m worried. There’s so much left unspoken between us, and I don’t want to be one of those couples that just have sex instead of fixing their problems.” You start to calm down as Jake speaks, although a part of you feels silly for reacting so strongly over being told no. “You’re one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I don’t want to risk diluting our relationship to just sex. I love you too much to risk you thinking I just want sex from you.”
“I’ve never thought that about you, Jake.”
“I know, but I don’t wanna risk it. You’re my precious little wife.” He nuzzles his nose into the top of your head. “So can we just cuddle tonight?” Jake has an almost magical ability to make you feel better. It’s like just being with him is soothing.
Without a word, you lay down onto the sand with outstretched arms, silently begging Jake to join you. He readily plops himself on top of you, his head rests on your chest, while his arms are securely wrapped around your sides. Normally, your head would rest on his chest, but you’re enjoying the change in position. The sound of your heartbeat is likely soothing to Jake much in the same way his is to you.
Just before you both let sleep overtake you, you reach behind Jake to grab his kuru. The man doesn’t move his head from between your breasts, but you can feel his eyes focused on you. He picks up on what you want and reaches for your kuru. You can’t help the shudder that rakes through your body at his gentle touch.
Both of your pupils blow out a little before going back to normal when the little tendrils of your kurus finally connect. Tsaheylu with the man you love will always be something you adore. The closeness it brings and the ability to truly feel—to truly see each other—are among the greatest gifts the Great Mother has given her children. You went over a decade without this gift, so you’ll take every opportunity to enjoy it, even now as you fall asleep in each other’s arms.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Morning comes too soon. You wish to spend the rest of the day in Jake’s arms, lounging on this secluded beach, enjoying one another’s company. But alas, you both have responsibilities, namely, your wife and children. Sure, Neytiri is strong and capable, but handling five children by yourself can be taxing, so you and Jake decide to quickly get back to the village.
As you walk back to the marui with Jake, your hands are intertwined as your tails languidly wrap around each other. Your relationship is far from perfect, but you’re both committed to fixing that which comforts you. Just as you’re approaching the marui, you hear a small voice yell at you.
“Sa’nu! Sa’nu!” Tuk comes running out of the seemingly empty marui. You let go of Jake’s hand to run to your panicked daughter. “Have you seen Lo’ak?” She asks worriedly.
“Lo’ak? No, I haven’t. What’s wrong with Lo’ak?”
“Lo’ak didn’t come home last night after the festival. Sa’nok and the others went to look for him, but they’ve been gone so long.” You pick up your daughter just before she begins to cry. You and Jake exchange a worried look with each other before you spring into action. You take Tuk to join Neytiri and the children while Jake takes to the sky. Unfortunately, even after hours of searching, even with the help of the Metkayina, there’s no sight of Lo’ak.
“Our children have gone to look for him.” Tonowari says, shaking Jake’s hand as a show of support. Tonowari’s statement worries you; more children are out in the open ocean where predators—or worse, the RDA can get to them. “You let them?” Jake asks the olo’eyktan and tsahìk.
“They did not ask.” You can practically feel the annoyance dripping from Ronal.
“Well, we’ll get the riders and go out there.” Jake says as if it’s the logical conclusion, but Tonowari just shakes his head. “We cannot search the whole ocean. We need the warriors here for the calf communion, if the demon ship comes.”
“My boy is out there by himself.” You know Jake is getting frustrated, even if he’s not showing it, so you rest your hand on his arm to calm him. Although your action isn’t purely altruistic, holding onto Jake is helping curb your own anxiety about your missing son. “He will come back when he is ready.” The olo’eyktan tells Jake before officially canceling the search.
You and your mates are left with no choice but to head back to the marui to discuss what you’ll do next. The entire walk back, you can’t help but chew on the inside of your lip. You’re trying not to cry, you’re trying not to fear the worst, but it’s hard. All you want right now is to hold your son in your arms and scold him for making you worry. How could he just leave without saying anything to you? How could he just leave when he knows you know about his attempt? Words cannot express how much you’re scared for your youngest son.
“This is his path.” Neytiri says as the three of you enter the marui. She picks up a familiar-looking bow and hands it to Jake. It’s her father’s old bow. You heard that she broke it during her rampage during the battle, and you never thought you’d see her with it again. “Look what he did.” That bow was the last gift Eytukan gave Neytiri; the entire family knows how much it meant to her. You were heartbroken for her when she told you it was broken, lost at the bottom of the ocean. But here it is, mended by your son’s hands.
“The strength of the ancestors runs through our sons’ veins; we must trust that.” Jake doesn’t seem very impressed by Neytiri’s words. You want to wholeheartedly agree with her, but your fear is getting the best of you. You can’t help but worry.
Hours go by, and there’s still no sign of Lo’ak. Jake spent the entire day isolating himself by riding Bob in hopes of catching a glimpse of a young forest Na’vi boy in the water. You’ve tried to talk to Jake, but he’s barely speaking to anyone right now. You hate it when he’s like this, when he shuts down if he’s anxious or stressed. It feels like every time you and Jake take a step forward in your relationship, there’s always something to stunt you both. Lo’ak’s disappearance has taken its toll on you both.
You’re scared for your son. You know what he attempted. You pray that he’s not going to attempt again so far away from you. You’re torn on whether or not you should tell your mates about his attempt. You know that eventually they’ll have to know, but is now the right time? What if Neytiri and Tonowari are right and he’s just following his path and will return when he’s ready? What if you cause unnecessary problems for him when he returns? Do you talk or do you stay silent? What is the best choice?
“Sa’nu, are you thinking about Lo’ak?” You turn your head to see Neteyam, who’s walking towards where you’re sitting on the walkway. “Of course I am. I’m his mother.” Neteyam takes a seat right next to you and rests his head on your shoulder. Both of you stare off into the starry night sky for a while.
“Lo’ak is a skxawng.” Neteyam says so deadpan and abruptly that you can’t help the little giggle that escapes your lips. “That he is. He’s just like his father.” You sigh as you think back to young Jake. “I don’t see it.” Neteyam confesses. You raise your hand to pat your eldest’s head. “You don’t see it, but I do.” A small smile begins to appear on your face.
“Both of them are reckless, but they have a heart of gold. They always do what they think is right, even if everyone else is against them.” You don’t even realize the small tears that are beginning to form on your face as you continue to talk. “Both of them got into a fight with their future olo’eyktan, and both of them fell in love with the daughter of the current olo’eyktan.” You quickly blink away your tears when you realize that you’re beginning to cry before Neteyam notices. “I think that’s why your father is so hard on Lo’ak. Whether or not he’ll admit it, he sees his younger self in Lo’ak, and he doesn’t want Lo’ak to be like that.”
Your trip down memory lane is interrupted when the loud sound of a horn blares throughout the village, and you see a fleet of oncoming airships quickly approaching. Your breath hitches in your throat for only a moment before you pull yourself together. “Come, Neteyam, we need to get to your sisters.” You help your son up, and you rush to where you see Tuk, Neytiri, and Jake.
“Where’s Kiri? Spider?” Jake asks your frightened daughter, clutching the gun tightly in his hands. When Tuk sees you, she wraps her arms around your hips and presses her face into your stomach. “They went to get water, I don’t know where.” You hold onto Tuk tightly. “We have to find them now.” Jake says determinedly. You pick up Tuk and run along with your family.
“Dad.”
Your ears prick up at the sound of your eldest daughter’s trembling voice. You can’t help but notice she’s all alone. “Where’s Spider?” You pray that your eyes are failing you and that he’s actually right here. But deep down, you know your worst fear is reality. There’d be only one reason the RDA would so blatantly appear at the village.
“They took him. The blue colonel took him.”
Your eyes widen, and your ears fall against your head at Kiri’s confession. Your tail swishes behind you anxiously as you process what this means. The RDA has Spider; they have the upper hand now. There will be a massacre.
You have a silent conversation with Neytiri using only your eyes. You need weapons. There will be bloodshed, but you will not go down without a fight. You quickly put Tuk down and rush to your nearby marui to grab your and Neytiri’s bows before making your way back to your family.
“Jake Sully!”
You hear Quaritch’s voice boom as you all run underneath the marui’s towards the edge of the beach. “Both of you, take the children and go somewhere far away.” Jake orders as he runs ahead of the group.
“I will not go without you.” Neytiri states firmly.
“Go!” Jake turns around, fists clenched, and brows furrowed. “They got Spider, there’s nothing holding them back. You’ve seen what they can do.” You look down at Tuk, who grips onto your hand in a tight embrace, and then to Kiri and Neteyam, who are hiding behind you. “These people will die.”
“You cannot ask this. Husband, I cannot.” Neytiri’s voice cracks as Jake takes the gun strap off of it before unceremoniously throwing it onto the sand. “This is the only way.”
“Jake Sully! Show yourself!” Quaritch continues to shout, his voice echoing throughout the village.
“You gotta go! You gotta go right now.” You can hear the panic in Jake’s voice as he urges you all to leave him behind. How can he ask this of you? He’s your husband. You cannot just leave him to die. No, you will not let him. You’re a team; there is no I in team. You will stand and fight by your husband’s side. You turn to face your eldest son.
“Take your sisters. Go and hide.” You tell your children. When they don’t immediately leave, Neytiri raises her voice. “Go!” As you watch your children’s figures disappear, Neytiri turns to Jake with a determined expression. “If you stay, we stay. I will kill many.” She hits the sand with the bottom of her bow to emphasize her point. It’s at this point that Jake knows he cannot convince you both to leave him.
“No matter what happens, do not raise that bow.” He nudges her bow down. “You swear to me.” Jake looks at you both with pleading eyes, and you both reluctantly agree. That’s when you see a massive fire spread to one side of the village. You have to stifle a cry that threatens to escape your lips when you see the sight. You’re brought back to the fall of Hometree and how much pain that caused the Omatikaya. You cannot let that happen to the Metkayina. The three of you quickly rush over to where Quaritch is, with Jake significantly further ahead of you both.
“I want Jake Sully!” Quaritch yells once more as he gets impatient.
“Hold your fire, hold your fire.” Jake pleads as he makes his way to the front line with both of his hands up in the air. “This is my path, brother.” Jake says to Tonowari. When Tonowari and Ronal stand down, so do the rest of the Metkayina, leaving only you, Jake, and Neytiri standing. Your grip on your bow tightens when you see not only the Crazy lady from a few weeks ago, but Lyle Wainfleet as well. Your anxiety peaks when you see Jake calmly walk towards Quaritch.
“Colonel.”
“Corporal.”
“Take me, and you leave my family and these people alone.”
“Not good enough.” Quaritch looks dead at you and your wife. “I’m gonna need the Mrs too. Both of them.”
Your heart beats erratically in your chest when you hear Quaritch’s words. There’s no logical reason for him to want you as well. Your mates at least make sense. Jake is Toruk Makto, de facto leader of the Na’vi insurgency. Neytiri is the one who killed Quaritch. But you are nothing of interest to the RDA. Other than being the wife of Jake Sully, you’re nothing more than a scientist who defected. They don’t need you if they already have Jake. No. You know exactly why they want you. There’s no doubt in your mind that Wainfleet made the request. Your eyes flick over to the man and bare your fanged teeth at him. He just smirks, likely finding your reaction amusing.
“You get me.”
“All of ya or I hammer this place flat. Pregnant ladies, kids, I’ll blow grandma’s skinny shit through the back of the hooch cuz I just don’t care.” Sixteen years later, and being in the same body hasn’t changed Quaritch one bit. He’s still the same evil man you remember. “And my friends here are just dying to waste everyone and take some scalps. As if on queue, the Mangkwan start yipping behind Quaritch.
Jake takes a few steps backwards and raises a fist into the air, signaling to everyone to stand up with their weapons prepared to fire. Both you and Neytiri raise your bows. Instead of aiming your arrow at Quaritch or the crazy lady, you aim it towards Lyle. You need to steady your heart and hands. You cannot afford to slip up like you did in the forest. No. If Jake signals for you to fire, you will shoot Wainfleet straight through his heart.
The Mangkwan yip excidely as their crudely aim their guns at you all. They’re practically salivating at the chance to fire their weapons. “Really, you’re doing this?” Quaritch asks in disbelief with a giant smile on his face.
“When I drop my arm, you and your new girlfriend die. You in particular die a lot.” As Jake speaks to Quaritch, your eyes are focused solely on the bane of your existence. He has his gun pointed at Jake as if he doesn’t see you as a threat. You’ll make him regret underestimating you.
“I die, everybody here dies.”
“Maybe. I think you can get some of us, but not all of us. Maybe we bumrush ya, and your gunship hesitate cause we all look the same. And when you’re begging for your life, I’ll scalp you.” Jake unholsters his axe and points it threateningly at Quaritch. Although your arm is starting to ache from holding such a strong bow at full draw for an extended period of time, you ignore the pain and insist on focusing on the man you hate. He will die by your hands. You repeat those words like a mantra in your head. It gives you the strength to push past the pain.
Quartich continues to look at Jake with a wide smile plastered on his face. “Damn, corporal. I don’t know if you’re smart or just full of shit. You never struck me as all that smart.”
“I need your word. Marine to marine. Safety for these people.” Even with your eyes trained on Lyle, you can feel Quaritch’s gaze land upon you. “If I get you and little Miss Traitor. I’m not leaving without you both.”
You force your hands not to tremble at his words. The last thing you want to be is the RDA’s prisoner, a prisoner to Lyle once more. But then you look at the people surrounding you. They’re willing to die for their home. A home that’s only immediately in jeopardy right now because they were kind enough to extend uturu to your family. Your family. You look over to your wife, who still has her bow aimed towards the evil couple. There is nothing you wouldn’t do for your wife and children. You’d do anything to keep them safe. Even if that means relinquishing your freedom to a man who’s tormented you for years. Reluctantly, you lower your bow before dropping it onto the sand below you and sigh heavily. Neytiri gives you a worried side eye; you can practically hear her panicking through her eyes.
“I will go, only if you swear to leave my family and these people alone.” Jake and Neytiri both snap their heads to you. You don’t pay them any mind at that moment, focusing just on Quaritch. “Done. Wanna pinky swear?” You detest him for making jokes in this situation, but at least you got a deal in place.
“My love, you cannot go. That man is there.” Neytiri says, her grip on her bow loosening ever so slightly as she turns her head to face you. You look at your wife and try to give her a strong smile, but it comes out shaky as you blink back the tears forming. “MaNeytiri, I love you. And I love our children. If being near that man means you all will be safe, then I’ll do it with no hesitation.” You give your wife one last chaste kiss before walking to Jake, knowing that if you stay near your wife any longer, your resolve to sacrifice yourself will crumble. “Baby, what are you doing?” Jake asks in a worried tone so low that only you’d be able to hear it over the whirling sound of the gunships above. “It is the only way.” You state definitively.
Quaritch’s playful smile quickly gets replaced with a more serious expression. “So what’s it going to be, corporal?” Jake glances down at you, and you give him a small nod. With your silent permission, Jake releases his fists, signaling to the Metkayina to stand down. Only Neytiri remains with her bow strung at full draw once more. You and Jake offer your hands to be cuffed. Lyle cuffs Jake first before he roughly cuffs your arms behind your back.
“I’m gonna have fun with you, Sleeping Beauty.” For once, you pay no mind to Lyle’s grotesque words as your focus is solely on your wife. Your eyes never leave her, even as you’re forcefully led to the gunship.
With a pained grunt, Neytiri releases the arrow, and it lands right between Quaritch’s feet. You know Neytiri would never miss such an easy target. She could’ve easily killed Quaritch right where he stood. But instead, she kept her promise to Jake.
“Another time then, Mrs. Sully.” Quaritch quips as he examines Neytiri’s arrow after he picks it off the ground. Your wife responds with an angry, pained hiss. You hate to leave her alone. You know this is the second-worst-case scenario for Neytiri. And if you could, you would ensure that she wouldn’t have to endure this pain, let alone force her to endure it alone.
This is the last time you’ll get to see your wife. The last time you’ll see your children. You have to hold back tears when you think of it that way. Your eyes trace all over her face, hoping that you can commit every last tanhì to memory. You love Neytiri. Even though it’d be impossible for you, you cannot—no, you will not risk forgetting what she looked like, her beauty. Even as the engines of the gunships whirr to life and you’re lifted above the ground, your eyes never leave your wife. You will keep looking at her even after she’s no longer in your eyesight. You cannot take your eyes off her. You’re sure Jake is doing the same as he sits beside you. A lone tear manages to escape your eyes when you can no longer see Neytiri as five words repeat in your head.
I love you so much.
A/N-
This chapter was so much fun to write. I love writing about how Jake and reader used to act before the RDA returned. They're both so playful with each other, which makes how they act now even sadder.
On a side note, I hate how my biweekly updates have slowly turned into monthly updates, life has been so hectic, but you guys and your support helps me keep writing!!
Also, I wanted to post this like an hour ago but Tumblr was being difficult and it kept messing up the format of everything 😭
I have some good news for everyone~ The next chapter for Ashes in the Sea is almost ready!!! I only have like 2 more scenes to right before it’s finished. If I’m able to I’m going to try to finish it either tomorrow or Tuesday (hopefully). I hope this chapter will be worth the wait for you guys~~
Content Warnings- Talks of Suicide, Sexual Assault, Reader likely has undiagnosed PTSD
Chapter Summary- The pain from 16 years ago still haunts you, and it feels like it's getting worse the more you suppress it. But you're a mom, your family's needs come before your own. Besides, you'll be fine, right? You're fine, you say you're fine, but what do you do when one of your children is exhibiting the same destructive behavior?
wc- 6.1k
Previous Chapter
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
“The bleeding has decreased,” Ronal says flatly as she prepares fresh medicinal paste and bandages for your self-inflicted wounds. “You will be able to return to your own marui.” You perk up at the thought; you’re tired of staying in the healing marui. Even though it doesn’t smell as sterile as a hospital, the mix of bitter medicinal herbs and incense isn’t exactly pleasant.
“You should not leave her alone until she is better.” Ronal turns her attention to your mates. “Until the demons have left her body, we cannot be certain this won’t happen again.” You want to protest. You don’t need constant surveillance. You’re perfectly capable of being alone. “I’m fine, tsahìk. I do not need to be watched.”
Ronal scoffs at your statement. “Child, you are not well,” the tsahìk says firmly as she wraps the woven bandage around your arm. “You can lie to yourself all you want, but these scars tell the truth. You must cast out the demons with your mates, Eywa, or somebody, so you do not repeat this.”
“We will always be with her,” Jake speaks up. You can’t make out his expression. Worry? Determination? Fear? Perhaps it’s a mix of everything. “Good,” Ronal says before handing you a vial of viscous, bitter-smelling liquid. “Take some every night. It’ll prevent fevers and infections.”
The walk back to the marui is awkward. You
don’t want to speak, so you stare at your bare feet as you walk. Jake and Neytiri are walking right next to you, having a whole conversation with their faces. When you reach the edge of the marui, you notice that anything with a sharp edge has been hidden, and you scoff at the realization. You turn to scold your mates, but before you can, Jake speaks up.
“Baby—” You raise your hand, palm facing him, to interrupt. “Jake, I do not need a lecture from you of all people.” You walk away from Jake, leaving him with his mouth wide open. You take refuge in one of the hammocks, your back turned to your mates. You can’t let them see the tears welling in your eyes. Even with your eyes closed, you can feel their presence slowly drawing closer until you feel Neytiri’s hand rest on your shoulder.
“MaSyulang, you should tell us when things are bothering you.” You noncommittally shove her hand away, but it does little to deter Neytiri. “Please y/n.” You don’t know why, but your wife calling you by your name releases the floodgates.
“R-really, I’m fine.” You manage to sniffle between choked sobs. “I was fine for sixteen years; I can be fine again.” You don’t know who you’re trying to convince, your mates or yourself.
Jake comes around you and squats to your level. You try to hide your tear-stained face, but he prevents you by cupping your cheek and gently wiping away your tears with his thumb. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about everything right now, baby. If you need time, we’ll give you time.” He gently grasps one of your hands and presses his forehead against yours. “But please don’t shut us out forever. We’re here for you.” A rare teardrop escapes Jake’s eye as he speaks.
“Can we cuddle?” You ask timidly. You don’t want to talk; you can’t. Deep down, you know you should talk it out. You know you’re a hypocrite. If one of your mates were going through something like this, you’d want them to talk to you. But right now you can’t find it in yourself to tell them. Not now. Right now, you want them to hold you.
Jake takes this as a win and gently lies beside you in the hammock; his arms immediately find your body, and he pulls you into him. Thankfully, the hammock is big enough for all three of you so that Neytiri can join. You always feel safe in Jake’s arms; it’s one of the things that made you realize you love him. His arms are like a sanctuary for you. The strong rhythm of his heartbeat slowly but surely quells your fears and anxieties. Neytiri peppers kisses in your hair as she trails patterns on your upper thigh.
Your mind is trapped between the scared, alone eighteen-year-old girl you once were and the self-assured thirty-six-year-old woman you’re supposed to be. Just seeing your assaulter after sixteen years, after you thought he was dead, shouldn’t reduce you to this. You’re supposed to be strong.
What happened when you were eighteen shouldn’t faze you. So why are you like this? Cowering in your mate's arms like a frightened child. You’re pathetic. Truly pathetic. You’re seeking comfort in the warmth of your mate's arms over something that shouldn’t be a problem anymore. You don’t want to think about that man. He shouldn’t be a thought in your mind. He should be dead.
You shouldn’t think about him. You don’t want to think about him. You force your mind to think about anything else. You focus on Jake’s heartbeat. It’s strong, steady, and calm; everything you aren’t. Each beat keeps you grounded. It’s calming.
“I’m sorry, Jake…for the other night.” You say, smushing your face further into his chest. “I shouldn’t have blamed everything on you. It wasn’t fair to you.”
“No, no, I deserved it.” Jake runs his fingers through your messy braids. “I’m supposed to protect this family, and I’ve been doing a shit job at it. Because of that, I hurt the woman I love.”
“I’m sorry.” You don’t know exactly what you’re apologizing for, but you feel compelled to. You’ve been a burden on your family when you shouldn’t be. “We’re here for you, maSyulang. Whenever you’re ready to talk.” You wish you could talk to them right now. You want to. You don’t want to. You can’t.
The scent, touch, and sounds of your mates are comforting. Right now, there’s no place on the moon you’d rather be than in the embrace of your husband and wife. They are your sanctuary. Your family is your sanctuary. You’ll get over this for them; you have to. Any obstacle that comes across your path, you’ll overcome it; no other option is acceptable.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
One morning, Grace called you and Jake to meet in the Sci-Ops main lab with your bags packed. You had no idea what she could want so early in the morning. It’s not like Grace to leave you out of the loop, so you can only assume it’s an emergency. Maybe it has something to do with you and Jake being accepted into the Omatikaya clan.
“Do you have any idea what she wants?” Jake asks as he wheels next to you. You shrug and keep walking with your bag slung over half your shoulder.
The lab is unusually busy as you make your way over to Grace and Norm. “So where are we goin’?” Jake asks the moment he sees Grace. “Getting out of Dodge.” You furrow your brows at her statement. What could she mean by that?
You carefully take Jake’s bag off his lap after he slings it from his back. “I’m not about to let Selfridge and Quaritch micro-manage this thing.” Ahh, so that’s what this is. Parker Selfridge and Miles Quaritch are two of the highest-ranking people on Pandora; of course, they’d see the Sci-Ops reentry into the Omatikaya clan as an opportunity to meddle.
“There’s a mobile link up at Site 26 we can work out of, way up in the mountains.” Your eyes light up at the mention of the mountains. It’s been so long since you’ve been there. The last time you went was just before Sylwanin was shot. Once you learned how to climb, Sylwanin, Tsu’tey, and Neytiri would take you to the mountains to have fun and dance. You haven’t been back since.
You’re not the only one who’s excited at the mention of the mountains, because Norm immediately gets all up in Grace’s space. “The Hallelujah Mountains?” he asks, even though he knows that’s the only plausible answer. “That’s right,” Grace responds with a slight smile on her face.
Norm celebrates a little before he stops when he notices Jake’s confused expression. “The legendary floating mountains of Pandora. Heard of them?” Norm says snakily. You softly slap his shoulder. “Be nice, Norm.” You scold before turning your attention back to Jake with a wide, bright smile plastered on your face. “The mountains are beautiful, Jake. You’ll love them.” Jake chuckles a little at your excitement. “I’m sure they are, but I don’t think the mountains comply with ADA guidelines.” Jake jokes, tapping his wheelchair.
“You’ll enjoy it, trust me.” You say, resting your hands on his shoulders, before a lightbulb goes off in your head. “My projector! I’ll be right back, Jake. I almost forgot to pack my projector!” You say while running off, leaving Jake a little confused. You’ve told him about the little projector you once found in a storage closet from when the RDA first came to Pandora, but he never thought it’d be something you’d care to pack.
In your haste, you forgot that you’re carrying Jake’s bag alongside yours; you don’t know how you’re going to fit the projector with all the stuff in your hands, but you know you’ll make it work. You can’t wait to go to the mountains. You have no idea how long you’ll be staying there, but the prospect of not seeing him for any amount of time makes you giddy. But that giddiness is interrupted when you see him.
Lyle Wainfleet.
He’s leaning against your door like he knew you were going to come back. He always seems to know where you are and where you’ll be. The smile on your face quickly fades when you see him, and he sees you.
“Aren’t you happy to see me, Sleeping Beauty?” Lyle asks with a sleazy smirk stretching across his rough face. Subconsciously, your grip on Jake’s bag tightens as if it will protect and shield you from Wainfleet. “I-I was just surprised to see you, that’s all.” You respond, trying to hide the shakiness in your voice. Why is he here? What does he want?
Wainfleet stalks up to you and unceremoniously chucks Jake's bag onto the floor, so now there’s no barrier between you two. The closer he gets, the more you can smell him. He smells like the outdoors, but not in a good way. You smell dirt, sweat, and metal clinging to his skin. It makes you want to vomit, but you have to hold back; you know the consequences of showing him that you’re anything but happy to see him. You try to tilt your head down so you can look at the ground, but he forcefully lifts your face with one hand while the other snakes its way down into the back pocket of your pants. Your hands stay at your front. You have to clasp them together to prevent them from shaking too much.
“Y’know I’m hurt, doll. Lately, you’ve been gone most days, hanging out with those blue monkeys, so I haven’t been able to see you much. And now I had to find out from someone else that you’ll be up in the mountains for a few months.” His voice drips with faux, syrupy sweetness as he forces his head into the crook of your neck. “I-I only found out five minutes ago.” You stammer out. His vile touch nearly makes you forget to ask how he knew you’d be gone for so long. Grace didn’t even tell you yet.
“I don’t know when I’ll see you next, so you’ll make it up to me right now before you leave, won’t you?” He pulls you closer, and you have to fight every instinct to shove him away; he likes it when you comply, obedient. It hurts less that way. “Lyle, people could come.” That’s your only hope for escape. In his words, the only thing Lyle hates more than your disobedience is someone finding out that he’s been with a slut like you.
“Hey y/n, are you okay?”
Like your savior, you hear Jake not too far away. In his short time on Pandora, he’s already helped you more than you can count. You hear Lyle snarl in your ear before he storms off, just in time for Jake to round the corner. You quickly realize his bag is still on the ground and scramble to grab it.
“Hey, is everything alright? I heard a loud bang.” Jake asks worriedly as he wheels up to you. “Yeah, I’m fine. I was just running too fast and tripped over my own feet. I’m sorry I dropped your bag.” Over the past two years, you’ve become increasingly skilled at lying. You can’t risk anyone finding out the truth. If anyone asks, you’re okay.
You have to be okay.
Thankfully, Jake doesn’t find anything suspicious in your answer. He gives you a goofy smile and helps you pick up his heavy bag. “You should be more careful. What if something happened to that pretty face of yours?” You stop in your tracks, and heat rises to your cheeks as you stare at the man with a brazen smile plastered on his face. He thinks you’re pretty? You hope Wainfleet is long gone because his possessive streak would flare up at the notion of another man complimenting you.
“You can head back, Jake. I can get the projector myself. I think I have a book on the Hallelujah Mountains on my desk if you’d like to read before we leave.” You say as you rest your hand on your doorknob. “And be away from the only person who’s nice to me? Nah, I’m good here.” Jake brushes off your suggestion. You enjoy his company, you really do. But after Lyle touched you, you feel the need to make yourself clean again. You can’t let Jake find out, so you need to send him away.
“I’m not a damsel in distress. I can get a projector without a knight in shining armor.” You tease as you open your door just enough for you to enter, but not enough for Jake’s wheelchair to fit. “I’m serious, Jake. You should go back.” Jake sighs, finally reluctantly accepting your request. “Alright, only if you promise to watch a movie with me on the projector.” How can’t help the smile that creeps onto your face at his words. The delusional part of your brain thinks that he’s subtly asking you on a date, but you know better than that. No one wants you. He only sees you as a friend and is being friendly. “Of course, I’ll pick the cheesiest rom-com I can find, just for you.” Satisfied with your answer, Jake wheels off to the Sci-Ops lab.
Once Jake is across the hall and your door is shut, you immediately tug your shirt off your body. You want to shower; water will purify you. But you can’t shower. You’ll be leaving for site 26 soon, and you know it’ll take you a while to purify yourself. Jake is also expecting you soon, so you definitely can’t take too long. Your only option to cleanse yourself is your overused scrubber.
The feeling of the coarse fabric of your scrubber is euphoric. You can feel your sins and dirt wash away with each swipe. You’ll be clean. You need to be clean. You must be clean.
You’re so engrossed in your purifications that you barely register your door being slammed open until you feel a sharp agonizing pain on your cheek as you hit your head on the side of your bed frame. You don’t get a chance to process what just happened before you feel dry, rough fingers grip your cheeks with bruising strength, forcing you to look at the culprit.
“You stupid fucking slut.” Wainfleet says through gritted teeth before he once again slaps you. A pathetically small whimper escapes your cracked lips. What’s he doing here? Shouldn’t he be long gone? “Are you that fucking crippled’s little plaything or something?”
You fear that marks are going to be left on your face where his hands are firmly gripping. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s left a mark on you, but it’d be the first time he was careless enough to do so on your face. How could you cover a facial bruise? How would you cover it?
“I’m not his girlfriend.” Your words are barely comprehensible, but you assume he understood because a crooked, sadistic smile crept up on his face as he leered at you with predatory eyes. “Good because you're my bitch.” He slaps you once more. You try to hold back your tears. You must. Your tears get him excited. You don’t want him to get any pleasure from you. You can’t. That’s dirty.
Fear strikes your heart when you see him fiddle with his belt with his free hand. You have to fight the whimpers and tears from escaping. You know what’s going to happen next. And there’s nothing you can do to stop it. The hand that was gripping your face quickly finds its way to your hair, and he drags you off your bed, forcing you onto your knees.
“You’re gonna make it up to me. Right here. Right now.” He sneers with a lecherous smile.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
It pained Jake to see you like this. He’s your husband, and yet he never knew you were dealing with something like this. He didn’t even have a clue. What kind of husband is he? Part of him was glad that you managed to calm yourself down enough to sleep in his arms. But he wished the circumstances were different. Your face and his chest are caked in your tears. He’s supposed to protect you, and he’s failed at that. He pulls you closer as he whispers promises to protect you. He’ll get revenge.
As you slept, he and Neytiri had a silent conversation until she had to leave to check on the children. The children. He has no idea what he’s going to do with them. They should know their mother isn’t well, but Jake knows you would vehemently oppose it. As Jake is deep in thought, you start to toss and turn in your sleep. No’s and please’s are barely audible initially, but as you convulse, you get louder and louder. Jake quickly realizes that you’re in a nightmare, and in his panic, he tries to wake you up, but to no avail; you’re deep in your sleep. Your screams and cries increase in intensity.
“No!” That one scream was so loud and violent as it raked through your body, causing you to wake up, trembling and crying. In your daze, your grip on Jake tightens to the point where you accidentally draw blood, but Jake doesn’t care. His only priority is you.
“It’s okay, baby.” He gently coos as he rocks you both in the woven hammock. You try to get closer to him as if you want to be inside him. Jake hates seeing you like this. He’s always known you as a strong and fearless woman, so seeing you reduced to a panicky, shaken mess breaks his heart. He’s certain Wainfleet has done more to you than what you’ve told them, and he hates that. What kind of monster could do that to someone as gentle and sweet as you?
“I-I’m sorry, Jake.” You muffle in his chest, tears staining your face. If it were possible, Jake’s heart breaks once more. “Don’t apologize, baby, you have nothing to apologize for.” He peppers kisses onto the top of your head. “I’ll protect you. I promise.” It’s not just a promise. It’s his life’s mission. He’s meant to protect the ones he loves, and he’ll be dammed to continue to fail at that.
“My love, is there anything I can do to help you right now?” He wishes he could read minds so he could know exactly what you want. You’ve gone through so much, and at least to him, he should know how to comfort his wife. With shaky hands, you guide your head closer to Jake’s heart. You need stability right now. “Just hold me, please.” Your voice comes out much more timid than you initially wanted. Without question, Jake holds onto you tighter. “Of course, baby. As long as you need.”
Luckily for you, Neytiri kept the children away from the marui long enough for you to feign being okay once more. Tuk immediately runs to hug you when she sees you. “Sa’nu! Are you feeling better?” You smile softly and pat your youngest’s head. “Much better, my little Tuk-Tuk.”
Neytiri kneels beside you and presses a kiss to your forehead before setting a woven sack beside you. “The children and I spent the evening fishing. Perhaps we could have dinner as a family instead of joining the communal dinner.”
“It was my idea!” Neteyam beams with pride as he puffs up his chest. You gesture for him to come closer so you can ruffle his hair. “It is a wonderful idea, ma’itan.” You love cooking with your family. Even when you were human, you and your children would cook together for the Omatikaya. As everyone gets settled, you reach for a knife in the basket beside you. Lo’ak, Neytiri, and Neteyam prefer to eat fish with the bones removed, so it’s always something you do when you cook fish. “I’ll gut the fish.” Before you could touch the knife handle, Jake grabbed it. “I got all the knife stuff, baby.”
You scowl. He’s treating you like a child; you can handle a knife. You snatch the knife back. “I can handle a knife.” You take a fish to begin removing the bones with the knife. “Besides, you suck at gutting fish, you waste too much meat.”
During the entire time you gut the fish, you can feel Jake staring daggers into the back of your head as he pretends to be focused on other things. You pay him no mind. “Sa’nu, can we make spiced and mushroom seafood?” Tuk comes up next to you with big puppy eyes and a basket in hand. “Look at all the herbs and mushrooms Kiri helped me collect. I think they’ll be tasty!” Tuk is practically vibrating in her seat at the thought. “These do look tasty. Good job Tuk.” You press a kiss on your daughter’s temple.
Cooking is a nice distraction. The repetitive nature and the singing involved helped clear your mind. “MaSa’nu, you should sing more. Your voice is very nice.” Neteyam says as he grinds the herbs into a fine powder. “Bro, it’s more than nice!” Lo’ak playfully slaps his older brother’s shoulder. “Sa’nu is better than Ninat!” Spider shakes his head in agreement. “Yeah! She’s the best singer in the clan!” You get flustered from your children’s sudden praise. “No, no, Ninat is the best singer in the clan.” The boys groan at your denial.
In the corner of your eye, you can see Kiri noncommittally turning the fish over the fire. You have a gut feeling that something is bothering her. You just know it. But there’s no way you could ask her about it right now, not with everyone present. “Kiri, can you help me get some water before dinner is ready?” Kiri is surprised by your sudden request but agrees nonetheless. When you are a suitable distance from the village, you finally speak.
“MaKiri, what is wrong?” You get straight to the point. Kiri darts her eyes away from you, and instead of answering you, she bends down to collect some water in the spring. You know your daughter well; she’s hiding something. You don’t want to be pushy and aggressive about it, so you kneel beside her and rest a gentle hand on her shoulder. Your ears prick up when you hear a little sniffle come from her. “Ma’ite, you can talk to me.”
Like Neytiri, Kiri is an open book, finding it hard to hide her emotions. From your minimal prying, Kiri breaks down. Your arms immediately wrap around her so you can pull her closer. “MaKiri, please talk to me.”
Kiri grasps onto your arms tightly and lets the tears flow freely from her eyes. “Sa’nu, please don’t leave us. You can’t leave me.” Your heart breaks at her words. “Kiri, what are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere.” “That night you almost left us! You and Lo’ak! You tried to leave us. You can’t leave me!” Kiri wails into your chest.
Lo’ak? What does she mean by Lo’ak tried to leave?
“I’m so sorry, Kiri.” You rub her back in an attempt to calm her down. “I-I can’t lose you, sa’nu.” You’re at a loss for words. What can you say to your child who’s too perceptive for her own good? “I’m not going anywhere, Kiri.”
Your words don’t seem to be as comforting as you hope, since Kiri’s tears continue to flow without break. “I prayed so hard. I-I couldn’t lose my mother and brother.”
“Kiri, what do you mean by that?” You ask. Kiri seems to be hesitant to speak but does so without much prodding. “That night, Lo’ak faced the same demons as you did. He didn’t go through with it, b-but he thought about it.” Her breathing gets ragged the more she speaks. “I was so scared when I realized sa’nu. Please stay in this life.” Kiri begs with a trembling voice.
Guilt starts to consume you. What kind of mother are you that you didn’t know something was wrong with your son to the point where he even considered ending his own life? If Kiri hadn’t said anything, you’d be none the wiser. How could you be so selfish as to not only let something from over a decade ago affect you, but also be so consumed with yourself that you missed something like that? You’re a terrible mother. Your children deserve better than a mother who is still hung up over a dead man who touched before they were born. You’re selfish. You’re terrible. If Ronal wasn’t there, you’d have left your children, your family. You didn’t think about them. The thought of how your death would affect your children never came to you; you’re horrible. You hold your child and rock her back and forth, offering her comfort. You stroke her hair and place kisses on her forehead like you used to when she was a toddler.
“I-I’m so sorry, Kiri. I’m so so sorry. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.”
It doesn’t take Kiri long to compose herself. She’s probably worried about the others getting worried about you both and deciding to check on you. You hate yourself for putting your child in a situation where she’d have to be considerate of others when she herself is hurting. Just as you both fill up your jugs with fresh water, preparing to leave, Kiri tugs on your tail softly.
“Sa’nu, please don’t tell mom and dad about Lo’ak.” You look at your daughter with confusion clouding your face. You can’t keep something like this from your mates. They’re his parents too: they should know their son is going through something. “Lo’ak begged me not to tell anyone. Neteyam doesn’t even know. Only Tsireya and I know. Please mom, don’t tell them.” Kiri’s pleas leave you conflicted. Doing right by Lo’ak means hiding something from your mates, while doing right by your mates means telling them something Lo’ak doesn’t want them to know.
“Kiri, I can’t keep this from them. He’s their son too.” You try to push back, but Kiri’s desperate pleading eyes grow wider. “Please mom. Please at least talk to him first. Dad wouldn’t understand, and I fear that he’ll drive Lo’ak further away. Please mom.”
You’re put between a rock and a hard place, but ultimately, after some consideration, you agree with Kiri. “Okay, I’ll talk to Lo’ak tomorrow. But I will not keep this from my mates for long.” Kiri gives you a content smile, knowing this is the best concession you can make.
By the time you make it back to the marui, all the food is basically done. So all that’s left is to stuff the fish with the mushrooms and herbs before putting them in a niktsyey.
You’ve had spiced seafood and mushroom-stuffed seafood before, but it’s an entirely different experience in your Avatar. The flavors are more impactful with your more advanced taste buds and sense of smell. You want to enjoy the delicious flavors, but you can’t; your mind keeps going back to what Kiri said about Lo’ak. You keep glancing over at your youngest son. If Kiri never said anything, you wouldn’t suspect anything. He’s joking around with Neteyam and Spider like he always does; nothing looks out of the ordinary. But now you know that there’s something dark hiding inside of him. Even though you’re not his biological mother, he’s picked up some things from you. But you never thought he’d pick up your ability to internalize your pain and pretend like everything’s alright. You can’t let him become like you.
“Is something on my face, sa’nu? You keep staring.” Lo’ak asks with a mouth full of mushrooms. You didn’t realize you were staring so much. “Can’t a mother admire her children?” You pinch yourself internally for doing this.
No wonder Lo’ak is able to hide his pain so easily. Just look at the example you’ve set. It’s so easy for you to lie. How easy it is for you to wear a mask, to hide what really is going to happen. Lo’ak is your child; he looks up to you. You’re supposed to set an example for him, so why are you like this? Why can’t you be honest in the way you want your family to?
Why are you such a hypocrite?
“It’s weird with you just staring at me though~,” Lo’ak whines like a child. You reach over and ruffle his braids, causing him to playfully push your hand away. You pick up a piece of fish and guide it to his mouth. “Say ahhh~,” Lo’ak playfully scoffs and rolls his eyes at you. “Mom, I’m not a baby.”
You ignore his little protest and push the fish to his lips. “You’ll always be my baby.” You counter as he finally accepts the fish, munching happily. Your hand makes its way to the top of his head. “You’ll always be my babies.” You say, looking lovingly at your sons, tears prickling your eyes, but you manage to hold them back.
“Sa’nu me next! Me next!” Tuk shouts excitedly as she flops her body onto your lap. The rest of the night, you end up feeding each of your children a piece of fish. Some were more excited about it than others, but it was still fun nonetheless.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Sunrise on Awa’atlu is very different compared to the one in the forest. The trees in the forest filter much of the light, creating a dappled effect. But there are no trees blocking the sunrise on Awa’atlu. You get an unfiltered view of the sunrise as its warm orange rays paint the ocean below. It’s peaceful. It gives you time to think.
You didn’t sleep much that night. You want to blame it on the fact that Jake suggested everyone sleep in their hammocks instead of cuddling up, most likely to prevent any accidental injuries on your bandaged body. But you know that’s not it. You have too much on your mind right now; your mind can’t rest. All you can do is contemplate while sitting on the woven walkway as you stare at the sunrise.
“Mom? What’re you doing?”
Your head snaps to the sound behind you, only to see Lo’ak carefully get out of his hammock so he doesn’t wake anyone up. “Just thinking, ma’itan.” You reply softly as he squats beside you. “About what?” He asks casually.
This is your time to confront him. Everyone else is asleep, but you know they won’t be for now. Honestly, it’s already a miracle that neither Tuk nor Jake is awake. Eywa is giving you a chance to talk to your son. She’s giving you a chance to see him, you know it. “Lo’ak, follow me.”
“Where are we going?” Lo’ak asks as he follows. You evade his question, mostly because there’s nowhere in particular you’re taking him to. You just want to find an area not too close to the village, so you have some privacy. Sensing that you’re not answering his question, Lo’ak decides to change the subject.
“Are you excited about the calf communion, Mom? Tsireya says it’ll happen in a week, and before that, there’s going to be a festival where she gets her first tattoo!” Lo’ak says animatedly. You are excited about the calf communion, you’re reminded about your children’s first communion with Eywa. You remember how much love and joy filled your heart those days.
“Of course I am.” You say as you stop, finding the perfect spot to talk near a boulder. “It reminds me of your first communion.” Lo’ak lifts himself up to sit on the boulder. “Every time I see you, I think back to that little baby I swore to protect with my life.” You try to stall a little bit, but you might as well rip the bandages off now and get serious. You make sure that you’re facing each other as you hold onto his hands.
“MaLo’ak, I’m your mother, you know you can always talk to me. I know something is plaguing your mind, so talk to me.” At your words, his eyes avert from yours, and his back stiffens like a metal rod.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Mom. Everything is okay.” He’s lying through his teeth, you know it, and he knows it. You squeeze his hands tighter.
“Lo’ak, I already know what you did that night. What you almost did. Please talk to me.” You’re pleading at this point, but you don’t care. Lo’ak looks at you with wide eyes, shocked by your confession. “Kiri wasn’t supposed to tell you that!”
“Lo’ak, that is not the point.” He tries to look away from you, but you don’t allow it. “Please, Lo’ak, tell me what would have you do such a thing?” You can’t bring yourself to say the word, but there’s no need to; you both know what you’re talking about. Lo’ak is reluctant to answer you, but just as he opens his mouth to speak, you hear shouting from behind you.
“Y/N! Lo’ak! What are you doing out here?” You turn around to see Jake running up to you both, worry clearly etched onto his face. You groan internally at the sight of your husband. You’re sure he’s worried that you both were nowhere to be seen, but right now, you just want to talk to your son, and you know there's no way that’s going to happen with Jake being present.
“This isn’t over yet, Lo’ak.” You whisper lowly before grabbing a nearby shell and turning to face Jake. “We were just talking, MaJake.” You wrap your arms around Jake’s neck and plant a quick kiss on his lips to lower his guard. “About what?” He asks, confused about what would require you both to talk so far away from the marui.
You lift up the shell so that it’s in his eyesight. “Lo’ak was thinking about making a necklace for Tsireya before the festival tomorrow, but he didn’t know where to start. He wanted a woman’s perspective.”
Jake clicks his tongue at your words and glares at Lo’ak. “You shouldn’t have dragged your mother out so early in the morning for something so trivial.” You hiss at Jake and pinch his ears for daring to unnecessarily reprimand Lo’ak. Even though your back is turned to Lo’ak, you know your son; you know he’s pretending like Jake’s words have no effect on him, despite his ears and tail drooping.
“Jake, that was uncalled for!” You push Jake away and turn to Lo’ak. You guide Lo’ak away from his father. Jake just cost you your best chance at getting Lo’ak to open up. You want to chew out Jake for the way he talks to Lo’ak, especially since you have a sneaking suspicion that Jake was a contributing factor to Lo’ak’s attempt. You so badly want to yell at him and make him understand how he hurts his son, but you can’t even do that yet, since you haven’t talked to Lo’ak yet. You must talk to your son first.
“I love you, maLo’ak, and I am here for you.”
A/N-
Chapter 4 is finally done~~ Sorry for the long wait, but I haven't found much time to sit down and write for prolonged periods of time. Hopefully, I'll be able to find time to write more often, so there won't be such a long wait for chapter 5. And just so ya'll know, the angst isn't letting up anytime soon~ I hope you guys liked this chapter~
Okay hi!! It’s me again this time with my request. Still no pressure on writing it since it is kinda a long one and I know you’re busy writing Ashes in the Sea, and I completely understand wanting to focus on that. All that being said here’s the request.
It’s neytiri x reader x Jake, basically reader is a Navi and her and neytiri are childhood friends but like much closer lol. Most of the other Omatikaya are very aware of the type of relationship they have but it’s discouraged. See, it’s not uncommon for two of the same gender to mate but they will not be able to have children and it’s very important for the next in line for clan leader to have children (idk just bear with me here).
So when neytiri meets Jake and there’s some tension between reader and him because she realizes that neytiri is starting to like him. Reader was like instructed to also help neytiri show Jake the Omatikaya way so she’s like watching first hand as Jake falls for neytiri and how neytiri is warming up to Jake. (We’re talking truckloads of angst).
Maybe when Jake is starting to get the hang of everything he like pulls reader aside and they have some heart to heart ish where Jake basically asks reader what her problem is and she has to explain the situation (begrudgingly ofc). Over time though she grows fond of Jake and realizes that if neytiri had to mate with a man she would want it to be Jake.
Then after jake passes all his tests and dreamhunt (idk I think that’s what it’s called) reader pulls neytiri to the side to basically encourage her to go after Jake. At some point reader mentions how she has also grown to love of Jake but she knows he and neytiri will make a great pair and that it isn’t her place to get in the way. Neytiri argues with reader saying something like “I chose you before I knew the dream walker(I think that’s what they call him), who gave you the right to make this decision for me” but reader won’t have it. Jake overhears and interrupts their conversation and asks why reader doesn’t feel like they deserve neytiri or Jake. She’s confused but Jake reveals that as much as he’s grown to love neytiri he has also grown to love reader and like if they allowed it (cuz he’s still unfamiliar with Navi traditions) he would like to be with both of them.
Then, they take Jake to the tree of voices and explain that he’s now an Omatikaya and he can chose a mate or, though not common, multiple of his heart truly desires them both equally. They start by linking kurus, it’s gonna be weird but they can link at the same time, and realize that their desires really are matched. Like reader can feel that neytiri and Jake both love each other and her the same way and they can see the same for her. They mate that night (duh hot alien threeway). (I think you wrote something similar to this so you don’t have to do anything exact)
The next morning they go to the chief (idk words but like neytiri parents) and reveal their secret mating and at first neytiris dad is very upset and yells about how they had talked about this before (like how he has been against Jake from the start or something basically what he says in the movie. Then how he knows how neytiri and reader are and he’s been supportive and loves reader like a daughter but neytiri should’ve known that in her position it was unacceptable) but eventually reader has to remind him that what’s done is done. Blah blah eventually the clan supports them.
I know it’s not guaranteed that you’ll write it but thank you so much for even letting me send this request! Like I said earlier, I think you could do it so much justice!!
This sounds so interesting! I love a good forbidden romance story. I'm definitely considering writing something like this when I'm done with Ashes in the Sea! Thank you so much for the idea!!
Hi! I love your writing so much and I was wondering if you took requests? Obviously if you don’t I completely respect that but I have an idea for a fic and the idea of writing it myself is slightly intimidating lol. Anyway if you do take requests I think you could do it so much justice!!
I'm so glad to hear that you like my writing! Right now, I'm not really taking requests since I'm trying to focus on Ashes in the Sea, and I know I'll get sidetracked if I try writing multiple things at once. I'd love to hear your idea in case I decide to write requests in the future!
Content Warnings- Rape, Coercion, Manipulation, Suicide Attempt, Drugging, Sexual Assault, Blood (Nothing gets too explicit but read at your own risk.)
Chapter Summary- A ghost from sixteen years ago has come to haunt you once more. You thought you were over it. You're in your thirties. But are you really over it?
wc- 7.4k
Previous Chapter
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Pandora is normally so bright and beautiful at night, but tonight is different. You see nothing but darkness. You hear nothing but your old screams. You feel nothing but his hands. You stare out into nothingness as you wander the forest behind the village all alone. Your arms are wrapped around yourself for protection. Protection from what? You don’t know. Perhaps you need protection from yourself since you’re unknowingly drawing blood on your arms from intense scratching.
Dirty.
You feel dirty. You’re dirty. He made you dirty. You need to wash off any traces of him from your skin. Luckily for you, you see a small spring nearby. You’ll be clean there. You need to be clean. You kneel down at the edge of the spring, and you can barely see your reflection in the water.
Dirty.
You’re too dirty to see yourself. With shaking hands, you frantically splash water onto your face. Again. And again. And again. You need to clean yourself. You need to be clean. You splash water all over yourself, on your face, arms, back, legs, and chest. But it isn’t enough.
You’re still dirty.
You spot a rock nearby. Jagged edges and all. It’s perfect. That rock will cleanse you of your impurities. He made you impure, but you can purify yourself.
Without hesitation, you bring the rock to your skin. It hurts. But nothing hurts worse than what he did to you. This pain is necessary. The pain will cleanse you. No pain will ever hurt as much as what he did to you. You manically scrub your skin with the rock; you need to exterminate any traces of his touch from your body. But no matter how much you scrub your skin bloody and raw, you still feel his grotesque touch seared deep into your skin; into your bones.
In frustration, you throw the rock so far into the forest that you don’t hear it drop. You look back at your reflection. That water is tainted with your dirty blood. You’re still a revolting, disgusting, dirty mess. Hot tears escape your swollen eyes, and you cry out into the forest like a baby. You bring your knees up to your chest when you let yourself fall onto the ground.
You should be over this. It’s been over sixteen years. You’re not the same scared eighteen-year-old girl you once were. So why are you crying like a baby? You’re pathetic. You should really be over it. But you’re dirty. How can you forget the dirt charred into your skin? Even when tainted by your dirty blood, the water remains pure. The water is inviting. The water will cleanse you.
The way of water has no beginning and no end. The sea is around you and in you. The sea is your home before your birth and after your death.
Our hearts beat in the womb of the world. Our breath burns in the shadows of the deep. The sea gives, and the sea takes.
Water connects all things.
Life to death.
Darkness to light.
You repeat the saying as a mantra in your head as the water consumes you. You must be submerged in the water to be clean. The water is peaceful. You feel no pain as you let it surround you. You are at peace in the cleansing spirit of the water. You feel nothing. That is good. Nothing is better than the agony you’ve been in. You smile softly as you relax into the water, as you let the darkness overtake you.
Suddenly, you feel yourself being jerked out from underneath the water. Your vision is hazy, and you can barely make out the form of Ronal. “Child! What are you doing!” You can barely make out the words she says. You’re too weak to speak. You just cough up the water you inhaled as you let the darkness overtake you once more.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Worry doesn’t even begin to describe the emotions Neytiri is feeling. She can slowly feel her family fracturing. It started when the Sky People returned, and the cracks have only grown larger over time.
Now she sits in the healing marui with a tear-stained face as she holds onto your limp hand. You’re weak; not just physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. She’ll never forget the utter terror she felt when she heard the news that you were unconscious in the healing hut.
In just over two weeks, she’s almost lost you twice. The thought is unbearable. Ronal was the one who found you. Neytiri thanks Eywa for having someone near you. She had so many questions for Ronal, but the Tsahìk would only say that your illness was caused by demons inside you.
Neytiri had a better chance of getting answers from a rock than Jake. He was the last one who spoke to you, and he refused to tell her what your argument was about. He’s completely shut down. Even now, he’s dragged his sons to loot the sunken demon ship instead of being by your side.
As she looks down at your fragile, bandaged body, she cannot help but feel guilt. Guilt that she has no clue about what could have prompted you to do such a drastic thing. She’s your mate for Eywa’s sake! She should know! Tuk has been asking so many questions, but Neytiri has no idea how to respond. How do you explain to a child that her mother is in so much pain that she harmed herself? Kiri has been acting strange ever since she found Lo’ak. Neytiri knows that she’s hiding something.
It’s all too much for Neytiri. She wants her family to be happy like they were before the Sky People returned. But that seems impossible right now. All she can do is pray to the Great Mother.
“Mama, Dad is back,” Tuk says in a soft voice as she and Spider walk into the marui; it was her subtle way of asking Neytiri to come with her. She seems to be in better spirits today. As much as she doesn’t like humans, Neytiri has to thank Spider for keeping her daughter distracted.
As much as she’d rather stay beside you, she knows that she also needs to be there for her children. Neytiri presses one loving kiss onto your forehead before walking out to where a large crowd of Na’vi is gathered. Thankfully, the healing marui isn’t too far away.
Tuk and Spider rush over to the little boat where Jake, Lo’ak, and Neteyam were, while Neytiri stays back. Neytiri stays back, away from the metal. Metal poisons the heart. She reluctantly accepts that Jake uses it, and she’s conflicted when her children do, but she has sworn off metal. It is against Eywa’s laws. Neytiri has faith that Eywa will provide. Jake presents a gun to Tonowari.
“This is not the Na’vi way, Jakesully.”
“Weapons of metal are forbidden.” Ronal chimes in. Neytiri walks to get closer to Tuk. “You know this. To touch them poisons the heart. Eywa will provide.”
Neytiri has tried to get that point across to Jake for years, but he is stubborn. A saying you taught her was ‘in one ear, out the other’, which perfectly describes Jake anytime she’s tried to get him to shun metal weapons.
“You should be with your family, not gathering these things!” Ronal tries to reason with him. “Your woman is lying unconscious in the healing marui; she needs you!
“This is our home. I said I’d fight, but I cannot fight gunships with spears.”
“We sank the demon ship. The pink skins fear us now.” Tonowari says, but Jake just ignores him.
“Yeah? We got lucky. And they got more ships, but we have these.” Jake presents a grenade launcher to the Metkayina leaders, who are unimpressed.
“We are grateful you stand with us, Jakesully, but it is not guns we need; it is the rider of last shadow. Ride Great Toruk as you did before.” Tonowari’s statement seems to have triggered something in Jake. His brows furrow, and he becomes serious.
“When you ride the beast, you become the beast.” His voice is low and gravely. “And the more blood the better. I will not become Toruk Makto again.”
Tonowari shakes his head at Jake. “Jakesully, you are always Toruk Makto.”
After all of the metal weapons are off the boat, Neytiri returns to the healing marui. Jake joins her a little while later with something in his hand. He approaches Neytiri slowly and hands her what appears to be a modified arrow.
“I know you will never give up your bow.” He smiles a little when Neytiri seems to accept his gift. “Just don’t be close when it hits.” A painful grimace forms on Neytiri’s face when she lets herself touch the metal tip of the arrow. She can feel its poison seeping into her skin, and she promptly tosses it onto the ground. Jake purses his lips into a tight line as Neytiri breathes hard and turns her attention back to you.
“So you agree with Ronal?” He asks as he picks up the arrow from the ground.
“I will never speak against my husband in front of that woman.”
Jake starts to tighten the strings on the arrow before he speaks. “Look, I’m a marine. I’m not going to take a knife to a gunfight or a prayer.” His words seem targeted towards Neytiri. “So what am I supposed to do? I can’t run. I can’t fight. Oh, that’s right, Eywa will provide.” He’s getting more and more tense as he speaks. “So where was Eywa? Where was Eywa when our wife—”
“Jake!” Neytiri turns around as she screams at Jake. “I’m in this place where I have nothing. Not my people. Not my forest. Even my father’s bow is gone. All I have is my faith that this is the Great Mother’s plan.” Her voice cracks the longer she speaks.
“You have this family,” Neytiri says nothing. She just turns her back on Jake to look at you. Tears are starting to flow from her eyes. Does she even have this family? Jake comes up behind Neytiri and hugs her. “And you have me. And I love you so much.” Neytiri softens up a little and leans into Jake’s touch. “We’ll get through this, baby.” Neytiri wants to believe, but she’s struggling.
The two stay inside the healing marui in silence for a while. They just watch you. They hold onto your hands. Jake feels guilty. If he had gone after you that night, if he were a better husband, then you wouldn’t be like this right now. He should have listened to his gut rather than stubbornly refusing. Because of him, his dear wife is hurting. Because of him. You were right; it is his fault.
Neytiri stares at your hand that is peacefully resting in her hand. Even if your hands are different from hers, Neytiri has always loved your hands. She misses the way your hands would hold onto hers. The way you’d caress her face. The way you’d braid her hair for you. She’d do anything to feel your hands move again. She gets her wish when she feels your fingers twitch ever so slightly. Neytiri is immediately on alert, scanning your face for any signs of waking. She can see your eyelids twitch, and she taps on Jake to get his attention.
When you finally open your eyes, you can’t help but squint at how bright everything is, even though it’s now sunset. Your body is aching, and it hurts to move. The first thing you see when your eyes adjust to the light is the look of relief on your mate's face.
“MaSyulang, you’re awake!” Neytiri’s tears drop down onto your face. She carefully holds your hand up to her face as she hovers over you. “I was so worried about you.” Jake pops up off the ground and heads to the entrance of the marui, saying that he needs to find Ronal.
“MaTiri, what happened?” Your head is pounding. You have no idea why you’re in the healing marui or why your body is covered in bandages. As soon as you ask the question, a flicker of worry briefly covers Neytiri’s face before she gives you a pained smile.
“The tsahìk says there are demons inside you that have made you sick.” Neytiri tries to choose her words carefully, not wanting to say anything that would upset you further. It just leaves you confused. Before you can question anything, Jake comes in with Ronal, who promptly kneels down to check you.
“How are you, child?” Ronal asks as she removes one of the bandages on your arm that you bled through. Your ears fall flat, and you have no idea how you are. “Eywa has sought to keep you alive. How could you try to drown yourself? You claim to be a mother, yet you were willing to leave your children.” Oh. You remember now. A particularly rough tug on the bandages causes you to yelp out in pain. “Stupid woman.”
Neytiri glares at the woman scolding you. “Careful tsahìk or I may forget that you are with child.” Ronal takes a step back and hisses while instinctively protecting her belly; Neytiri hisses right back at her.
“Your wounds are not too deep, but you will still need to rest. Do not be like your wife who refuses to listen to the tsahìk.” Ronal sternly states, gesturing to Neytiri’s still bandaged body. “Whatever ails you, pray to the Great Mother for guidance and talk to your mates. Do not do what you did again.” That is all Ronal says before leaving you and your mates in the marui alone. It is awkward; no one knows what to say.
“Did you find Lo’ak?” You manage to croak out.
“Kiri found him…that night,” Neytiri says softly, her eyes avoiding your own. That is good. At least Lo’ak is okay. There’s some more awkward silence between you three. What’s left unspoken is hanging thick in the air. But you aren’t brave enough to bring it up first.
“Baby, please talk to us.” Jake practically pleads. He leans forward to grab your hand, and you let him, but you avoid looking at him. You don’t want to talk about it. You’ve never talked about it. You can’t talk about it.
“MaSyulang, let us help you,” Neytiri begs. When she sees tears escaping your eyes, she gently wipes them away. “We want to help you, but we can’t if we don’t know what’s wrong.” You bite your lip. You’re torn. This is your burden to carry; you don’t want to put it onto your mates. You feel like such a hypocrite because if either Jake or Neytiri were in your shoes, you’d be urging them to talk, to share the burden with you.
“The other night, you mentioned a man. A man you saw again, a man who needs to die.” Jake tries to get you to look at him, but you refuse to. “Who was that man? What did he do? Please tell us.”
“It was Wainfleet.”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Alone. That’s the best way to describe you. Over twenty billion people on this god-forsaken planet; you can’t even walk down the street without feeling claustrophobic. All these people, and yet you’re utterly alone. All you have are your books and your will to do better for yourself.
You have no family. The orphanage you grew up in didn’t know if your parents died or if they just didn’t want you. It doesn’t matter, though, the result is the same. You’re alone. You had no friends or family. It’d be easy to give up. But you knew you could do something with yourself.
Pandora would be that something. The moment you learned about another planet and the Na’vi, you knew what you wanted to do with your life. Since you were a young child, you spent every waking moment you could studying. You had to become as smart as you could. The RDA was selective when it came to choosing people for the Avatar program; you couldn’t just meet the bare minimum, you had to excel.
Even when the orphanage kicked you out at fifteen to fend for yourself, you never gave up. You read while you work. You were lucky that the old man who ran the diner you worked at let you live there for only half your paycheck. You starved, and you cried, but you never gave up. All of your hard work paid off when the RDA accepted you as a potential candidate for the Avatar program by the time you were seventeen. You speed-ran through all the required training and then some. You were the only woman in your class, and it seemed like everyone was out to get you. No one believed that a young woman could actually qualify for the program unless she slept her way to the top.
You proved them wrong when Grace Augustine herself handpicked you to be an assistant teacher at her school. Not only were you the perfect age, but you had the smarts and drive to survive.
On the day you received your acceptance letter, you cried tears of joy. They were the first tears you cried that were positive. You finally did it. No longer would you have to sleep on a dingy diner booth. You wouldn’t have to starve yourself to afford basic necessities anymore. You felt free. Pandora would be your salvation. Leaving Earth was the easiest decision of your life. There was nothing for you on Earth. Pandora was full of possibilities, and you weren’t going to squander it.
The moment you wake up, it’s like you’re recovering from the world's worst headache. You didn’t dream at all in cryo; you couldn’t. Your headache isn’t any better when your pod opens, and you're exposed to an overly bright white room.
“You’ve been in cryo for five years, nine months, and twenty-two days.” One of the medical examiners shouts. “You will be hungry. You will be tired.” Tired. Being tired after spending nearly six years asleep sounds like an oxymoron. But it was true. It’s not like cryo gave you the best sleep of your life. It’s not supposed to. It’s significantly cheaper to keep only a few staff awake and the rest in cryo than to keep everyone awake.
As you adjust to being awake, you can’t fully wrap your head around being six years into the future. You have no one on Earth who would miss you or care that you were gone. You look around at all of the people who’ve also woken up, and you can’t help but think about all of the people they left behind to go to Pandora. Surely most of these people have friends and family back on Earth. The entire trip, plus their contract time, would mean they’d miss nearly twenty years of their loved ones' lives. It couldn’t have been an easy decision for them.
The first time your eyes land on Pandora, you’re awestruck. It’s covered in vast blue oceans and green forests. You’ve never seen anything like that. You know that Earth used to look like Pandora. But that was long before your birth. The only times you’ve seen a blue and green Earth were either from old textbooks or edited images. Pandora was truly a fresh start.
When it was time to get into a shuttle, you discovered that you were the only person joining the Sci-Ops; a few were Sec-Ops, but most were miners. It was awkward having nothing to discuss with the other. But you’re used to it, you’re used to being alone. When you landed, there was a mandatory safety brief led by a colonel with a viperwolf scar on his head. You zoned out most of it since you’re more than aware of the dangers of Pandora. You couldn’t wait until the end of the briefing, so you could go to the Sci-Ops area. No one pays you any mind as you make your way to the Sci-Ops area, or at least that’s what you think. Little did you know you caught someone's eye.
When you finally reach the Sci-Ops area, your heart is pounding with anticipation. You’ve been training for this for years. Unlike most people, you signed a long-term contract; you will be here for twenty years, with the possibility to extend it, you’ll definitely extend it. Seeing the place you’ll spend twenty years in is remarkable.
Even though you’ve never been here before, you already know where everything is. The RDA built an exact replica of the main room so you could simulate emergency drills. There is one area you’re dying to go to. The area where your Avatar is being unloaded.
She’s beautiful. She looks like you. But also not. She’s big and blue, it’s like she’s her own person, even though you know she’s nothing more than a husk without you in it. But something tells you she has a soul within her.
“She’s beautiful, isn't she?” You turn around to see a tall, older ginger woman in a white lab coat approach you. You immediately know who she is. “Dr. Grace Augustine?” You didn’t mean to say it out loud with your mouth gaping open like a fish out of water. You knew that you’d be working with her, but to see the woman who inspired you to come to Pandora in the flesh is mind-boggling. Grace seems to take your awkwardness well and laughs a little.
“You must be y/n l/n.” Her smile widens, and she clasps her hands behind her back. “You have a remarkably impressive resume despite your age. How’s your Na’vi?”
You fiddle with your fingers and avoid her gaze. You can’t believe that the first person you’re having an actual conversation with is Dr. Grace Augustine. “I-I’ve studied for years, but I need to work on my conversational skills. I’ve only studied Na’vi by myself.”
“You speak well, don’t second-guess yourself.” Her smile is warm. You don’t remember the last time you received a genuine smile. “If you’d like more practice, then we can speak Na’vi to each other.” Your eyes light up at her offer. “Thank you, Dr. Augustine.” She shakes her head a little. “You can call me Grace.”
Grace spent the entire day with you. You found out that she usually spends most of her day in her Avatar body, but since you were coming, she wanted to get to know you. She showed you around Hell’s Gate and the Avatar compound. You knew the Na’vi were tall, but actually seeing how tall they are compared to you is jarring. Towards the end of the night, she went over all of the students at her school. It’s just you two in the bio-lab; everyone else has gone to bed.
“So Tsu’tey is going to be olo’eyktan, and Sylwanin is the future tsahìk and the oldest daughter of the current olo’eyktan and tsahìk. Those two will become a mated pair.” You point to a photo of a Na’vi girl; she’s remarkably pretty. “And this is Neytiri, she’s Sylwanin’s younger sister.”
“You learn fast, though I shouldn’t be surprised since you’re a prodigy.” You’re not used to hearing people compliment you. “That’s enough work talk for today. I want to talk more about you.” If you were in your Avatar body, you’re sure your ears would’ve gone down, and your already big eyes would’ve gotten bigger. “What do you want to know?” You ask shyly.
“What makes a young girl travel twenty-six trillion miles away from home to work on a dangerous moon before she’s even eighteen?” There’s that famous Dr. Augustine straightforwardness that you’ve heard so much about. “What’d your parents think?”
“I don’t have parents.” You decide to be honest. You’re going to be working with her for years, and it’s not like you’re ashamed of your past, so why hide it? “There’s nothing for me back on Earth. I’m sure the only person who knows I’m gone is the man whose diner I slept at. I knew I had to do something with my life, and Pandora was my answer.”
Grace looks a little shocked. She expected you to come from a well-off family that had the resources to be able to help you succeed in the Avatar program at such a young age. She didn’t think that you were barely scraping by and doing everything by yourself. “You’re here now, and I’m sure you’ll do something great during your time here. I know it.”
You two continue to speak for some time before Grace tells you to go to your sleeping quarters since you’ll need all the energy you can when you link up with your Avatar for the first time in the morning. You’re a little nervous about finally linking up with your Avatar. You’ve heard from another scientist, called Max Patel, that all of your Avatar’s vitals look great, but the last test is for you to link up. So many things could go wrong in the first link, and you hope nothing goes wrong. All your efforts could be wasted if the link fails. You’re so engrossed in your thoughts as you walk that you don’t notice a man purposely walking in front of you until you bump into him.
“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!” You stammer out a quick apology and bend down to pick up the stacks of paper he was carrying. The man was bald, and his outfit made it clear he was definitely part of the Sec-Ops team. “You should really watch where you’re going. Not all the guys here would take nicely to someone bumping into them.” The man warns. “I’m sorry, sir.” You apologize once more before handing him your documents and running off into your room.
When you wake up, your nerves are getting to you. You have to keep your hands inside your lab coat to keep your shaking under control.
“How much link time have you logged?” Grace asks you as she leads you to your link. “A little over 550 hours.” Grace looks at you, shocked but also impressed. “That’s good.” She replies as she starts up the link. You lie down and try to relax; it’s said that being calm and relaxed leads to better results. “Relax, y/n. Everything will be fine. Once all of your preliminary exams are finished, you can meet me in the compound.”
Grace offers you a few more words of encouragement before the link lowers. When you’re surrounded by the familiar darkness, you do your best to clear your mind and let the link take you.
When you wake up, the world is oddly bright and fuzzy as your eyes try to adjust to being used for the first time. Two doctors are hovering over you, wearing masks as they call your name. “Y/N, can you hear me?” One doctor asks, while the other shines a light in your eye and snaps his fingers near your ears. It’s weird seeing a human face look so small.
The tests take over an hour to complete; they’re tedious but necessary. Your Avatar body represents a significant investment for both yourself and the RDA. Your body is about a billion-dollar investment for the company, and for you, it’s your lifeline on Pandora.
Over the next month, you learn how to get used to your body. Because you were so young, Max wanted you to wait a while before leaving the compound. The first time you’re allowed to leave the compound is the day you get to meet the students.
“I’m Trudy, I fly the science sorties.” A short, well, short to you, since you’re in your Avatar, speaks to you. “This is Wainfleet. He’s the gunman in case something comes after us.” Your ears spring up when you realize who the man is. “It’s you.” You didn’t mean to say it out loud.
“Uh… do I know you?” He feigns ignorance. Little did you know that he knew exactly who you were. He even used his connections to get him to be the gunman for today just so he could see you. You quickly get embarrassed, your emotions clearly plastered on your face. “Sorry I— I was the one who bumped into you last night.” You say meekly. Wainfleet doesn’t say anything; he just eyes you up and clicks his tongue. “Alright, people, hurry up. We can’t be late.” Grace urges everyone into the Scorpion.
Coincidentally, Wainfleet was at the door right next to where you were sitting. Although you were engrossed in your notes, you couldn’t help but feel a pair of sleepy eyes in your body. You even thought you felt something touch the tip of your tail. You decide to chalk it up to paranoia and jitters about meeting the Na’vi for the first time.
Your introduction to the students didn’t go as planned. You wanted to surprise them with some fruits you thought they’d enjoy; instead, you ended up falling from a tree flat on your butt right in front of them. Despite that little blunder, you quickly grew close with Tsu’tey, Neytiri, and Sylwanin. It seems like Grace’s idea was a success; your close age helped you bond with the students. In no time, a month has passed since you met them.
One day, Grace sent you out of the classroom to get some fruit before the other students came. You thought nothing of it and quickly went to forage for some fruit and berries. Tsu’tey’s climbing lessons seem to have paid off since you can climb trees with minimal difficulty now. You’re confused when you finally return to the classroom to see that it’s empty. Grace should be here, and surely the students would have made it by now.
“Surprise!”
The shouts of multiple Na’vi shouting at you take you by surprise. And then you see a banner that makes you tear up. “Happy Birthday, y/n!” The students yell before rushing to hug you. You try to hold in your tears, but Neytiri notices how watery your eyes are.
“Tsmuke, are you okay?” She asks genuinely. You sniffle a little before blinking back your tears. “I-I’m fine. It’s just that—I’ve never had anyone tell me happy birthday.” The trio looks at you in utter shock.
“But I thought it was an Earth custom to celebrate one's birthday with loved ones,” Sylwanin states. “It is. I just never had loved ones.” Tsu’tey’s signature scowl somehow deepens at your statement. You don’t want to bring the mood down with your past, so you quickly change the subject. “How did you find out that today was my birthday?”
“We asked Sa’nok. She told us and helped us plan a sruprise party.” Neytiri says with a beaming smile. “I’ve never had anyone throw me a surprise party.” You confess while also gently correcting Neytiri’s pronunciation.
You see Sylwanin nudge Tsu’tey, and he leaves the classroom for a second only to return with a woven basket in hand. “What is this Tsu’tey?” Instead of answering immediately, he lifts the lid to the basket, revealing a fruit dessert. “Sa’nok told us about birthday cakes, so we made our own Omatikaya version for you.” With that, all the students begin singing Happy Birthday. The tears that you were holding back are finally released. They’re tears of joy. No one has ever cared about you enough to do something as simple as wish you a happy birthday. The rest of the day, you spend with the students. By the end of the night, you’re on cloud nine as you make your way back to your quarters, but you’re startled to see Wainfleet standing by your door holding something in his hand.
“Mr. Wainfleet, what are you doing here?” You ask tentatively. Wainfleet smirks at you. “I thought we were past the formalities, I told you, you can call me Lyle.” He leans close to you. “So try again, sweetheart.” His intense eye contact makes you uncomfortable, so you try to avoid it.
“W-what are you doing here, Lyle?”
“A little birdie told me that today’s your birthday.” He presents a bottle of alcohol and some glasses to you. “So I brought you a gift.”
You had no idea what to say. You always had a negative impression of Lyle. You feel a little bad for thinking so negatively about him. He was never rude to you, he never did anything to you, and now he’s brought you a birthday gift.
“Y-you shouldn’t have.” You try to politely reject that gift. You miss it, but a hint of annoyance flashes across Wainfleet’s eyes for a second. “Don’t be modest. I got it for you.” He tries to shove the bottle in your hand, but you don’t take it. “Really, I can’t. I shouldn’t drink.”
Lyle gives you a disappointed look. “It’s my bad. I shouldn’t have spent my yearly special rations on this. I should’ve known you wouldn’t like it.”Guilt starts to eat you from the inside. You can only imagine how much trouble Wainfleet must have gone through to get you something as luxurious as alcohol. That stuff was practically reserved for the executives and other high-ranking officials. It’d take you at least five years to have enough special rations to get you the most basic bottle of alcohol, and yet Wainfleet chose to spend his on you. Maybe accepting it couldn’t hurt.
“Well, maybe one glass couldn’t hurt.” Wainfleet’s eyes light up when you acquiesce. “Would you like a glass?” You offer out of politeness; he did get it for you after all. You didn’t want him in your tiny bedroom, but there was no other place you could have a drink, so you’ll have to suck it up.
One drink turned into two, and two turned into six. Your body felt light and floaty. Your head was spinning, and you felt like you were going in and out of consciousness. You felt a callous hand creep dangerously close to the hemline of your pants. You try to move, you try to scream, but you can’t. Wainfleet’s face inches closer to yours; his breath reeks of alcohol. “I have another present for you, buttercup.” He takes your hand and guides it to his bulge. “Be a good girl for me.” Those are the last words you hear before the world fades to black.
When you wake up, you don’t remember what happened in the night. All that you know is that your body aches all over, especially between your legs. And that’s when you notice a naked figure sitting on the edge of your bed. Wainfleet was just watching you sleep. “Morning, Sleeping Beauty.”You want to scream when you notice him and the fact that you’re also undressed, but he roughly clamps his hand over your mouth, preventing you from doing so. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” He warns.
Since you can’t scream, hot tears stream down your face. You barely remember what happened the previous night, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what happened. Why is all you can ask yourself? Why did he do that to you? Why you?
“You were so good for me last night. You’ll stay good for me, won’t you?” You have no choice but to hesitantly nod to him. “Good.” He lets go of your mouth, and you rush to cover yourself with your thin blanket. “W-why?” It's all you barely manage to spit out. You hate how weak you sounded.
“Why?” He scoffs mockingly. “Since you got here, you paraded yourself around like a slut, so I fucked you like one since you’re legal now.” Paraded yourself? You have no idea what he’s talking about, but something tells you that you shouldn’t question him. “You bled so much. Was that your first time?” You nod meekly. “Shit, I can hardly believe a slut like you waited so long to get her cherry popped.” He sits up and begins to put on his underwear. “You’re lucky it was me and not some limp dick prick.” You can hardly call yourself lucky in this situation. What do you even do about this? Who can you tell? Who would believe you?
Just when you think he’s about to leave your suffocating room, he turns around and gets far too close for comfort once more. “I know you’ll be a smart girl and won’t even think about spreading lies about me.” His grotesque thumb makes its way between your lips; you have to hold yourself from biting him. “Who knows what would happen to a little liar?”
He leaves the threat unspoken. He doesn’t need to tell you what would happen. He’s well connected; during one of your trips into the forest, you found out that he’s pretty close to the colonel. Who’d believe you, a nobody scientist, over him? He bites your bottom lip before walking to your door. “Next time, don’t just lie there like a dead fish; it makes me feel like a bad guy.” He casually says before leaving. Next time? This’ll happen again?
You don’t know if you can handle this happening again. You must be in a bad dream. Yeah, that must be it. There’s no way this actually happened; it’s a nightmare. You start pinching and scratching your skin to wake up. But the more you realize that it’s likely not a dream, the more you hurt yourself until you're a bloody sobbing mess. You curl up into a ball and cry until you have no more tears left.
How could you let this happen? How could you be so naive? You should’ve seen the signs. How could you be so stupid? This was your fault. Maybe if you didn’t tempt him, you wouldn’t have provoked him to do that. It was your fault for accepting his gift. It was your fault for allowing him into your room. You’re disgusting. You’re dirty, and the blood crusted between your thighs just proves it.
Your spiral is interrupted by the sound of your alarm going off. You don’t want to go to work. You just want to rot in your bed. You can avoid Wainfleet in your bed. But if you don’t go to work, then people will ask questions. You can’t let anyone find out what happened. No good will come from it. You quickly put yourself together and leave your room, wearing a mask that you would wear for the next two years.
For the next two years, you pretend like everything is okay. You pretend like he isn’t touching you inappropriately any chance he gets. Even your Avatar wasn’t spared from his touch. At least he has the decency to do this away from the prying eyes of others. At least that’s what he tells you to coerce you into feeling better about your situation. He tells you that he could tell everyone on Hell’s Gate about how much of a slut you are, but he doesn’t. He tells you that he could make your life on Pandora a living hell, but he doesn’t. He tells you that he gives you pleasure, not pain. He makes you thank him after an encounter.
You learned to read his moods. When he’s angry, you know to immediately get on your knees to make him feel better. If you don’t, he will do it for you, and he won’t be as nice about it. Things are better for you when he’s in a good mood. There are fewer bruises to hide when he is. After the shooting at the school, you had to find more excuses to leave Hell’s Gate, but you couldn’t do it too often, or else there’d be consequences. You can only wear a mask to hide the swelling on your cheek for so long before people start asking questions.
Over the years, it got easier to mask. Like chronic pain, your pain was always there; you just learned how to live with it. The communal shower was the only place where you’d have peace. Even in the middle of the night, he never came in there. You were alone. Only in the shower did you feel clean. Sure, the water was freezing, but with how vigorously you rubbed your skin raw, it didn’t matter. You’d scrub the dirt off your skin, and the water would wash it away. You could be clean again. You could never stay away from Wainfleet for long, but at least you could make yourself clean again.
It may sound strange to others, but one of the happiest days of your life was when you got chased by a Thanator with Jake. Because of Jake’s inability to stay in one space, you felt freedom for the first time in years. When Grace relocated your small team to the Hallelujah Mountains, you were secretly ecstatic. You wouldn’t have to see Wainfleet for months. Sure, he’d probably retaliate the next time he saw you, but all you could think about was your newfound freedom and your growing crush on the man responsible for that freedom.
You never dared to allow yourself to think of other men. You didn’t love Wainfleet; you detested him. But Lyle Wainfleet is a possessive man, and you know he wouldn’t take kindly to you having eyes for anyone but him. If he found out about a crush, you’re sure he’d do all he could to ruin it for you. But being away from him, you let yourself fall in love with not only Jake but Neytiri as well. You allowed yourself to dream of a life without Wainfleet touching you. For once, you felt hope of a different life.
When you found out that Wainfleet was amongst the dead after the battle of Ayram Alusìng, you felt relief. You’d never have to worry about him touching you again. You could have peace. You let yourself live and be loved. You decided not to tell Jake and Neytiri what had happened to you because you saw no point in it. Wainfleet is dead, and you’ll get over it.
You’d be clean again.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
After your confession, Neytiri drapes her body over yours, engulfing you in a hug. You can feel tears dripping down onto your shoulders where Neytiri has her head buried as she chants ‘I’m sorry over and over again. You feel numb, you finally let everything out, but will anything change? Jake stares into space before he speaks. “Baby, why didn’t you tell us?” Jake asks, his voice soft yet hoarse.
“I thought I dealt with it.”
Those six words seem to have triggered Jake as his face scrunches up and his tail swishes behind him angrily. “Dealt with?” He repeats in disbelief. “Baby, you tried to kill yourself! If Ronal didn’t find you, you’d be dead! And you call that dealt with.”
You’re too tired to deal with Jake right now, and you have no patience for him, not after what he said to Lo’ak. “Jake, it was sixteen years ago; I’m in my thirties. It shouldn’t affect me anymore; it didn’t.” Your voice gradually grows soft as you try to hold back your tears. It's embarrassing how much it still affects you, how much power he still holds over your emotions. Just seeing him has reduced you to this. Before either Jack or Neytiri could say anything else, your children enter the marui.
“Mama!” Tuk shouts before running to you to hug you. “You’re awake!” It pains you to hear just how much relief is in her voice. Ronal was right. What kind of mother were you? What kind of mother leaves her children over something that happened years ago? “Sa’nu, what happened?” Neteyam asks worriedly as he sits beside you, mindful of your bandages.
“I went to bathe in a spring, but I’m still not used to my body, and I must’ve slipped and hit my head. Thankfully, the Tsahìk found me in time.” You hate having to lie to your children, but what can you do in this situation? You don’t want to discuss this with your mates, let alone your children.
Your older children aren’t satisfied with your flimsy explanation, but thankfully, they don’t call you out on it. Tuk seems to take your explanation as the truth. “Be careful next time, Mama. I was so worried about you.” You know eventually you’ll have to talk about it, but for now you won’t. You see that Jake wants to speak more, but you avoid his gaze. You focus on your children for now. This conversation will have to be put on hold.
A/N:
It was hard to write this chapter. It was like this chapter was pure angst. I hope I portrayed such a heavy topic well. It was my first time writing about something like this.
I am on a writing kick right now. I wrote basically the majority of Ashes in the Sea chapter 2 last night and I've already written 2k words for the next chapter already. I missed being able to write so much in a day without getting tired. I have to make use of this state while I can.
Content Warnings- Canon Typical Violence, Severed Kurus, Reader's Mental State is Slowly Deteriorating
wc- 8.4k
Previous Chapter
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
“Mangkwan!”
Who knew your mate yelling two syllables could release such a primal fear in you. Before you know it the alarms are sounded and you see a trail of smoke coming from the mountain. You know what the Mangkwan are capable of. You’ve heard the stories; and the thought of your children being attacked by one is worse than death.
“MaNeteyam wake up!” Being the warrior he is Neteyam wakes up immediately and is on high alert. You grab onto your son’s hand so you both can reach the other children. When you get to them, Jake already has his gun in his hand. “Get to cover!” That’s all he says before he runs off to get on Bob.
Everything inside you is screaming for you to run after him and fight by his side, but you need to stay with your children. You herd the children towards the middle of the airship for safety. Lo’ak goes down the storage area presumably to get your weapons. When he gets back up he has a gun strapped across him and he hands you, Neteyam, and Spider a bow. The airship is utter chaos. The raiders are shooting fire arrows everywhere while the Tlalim are using ballistas to shoot them down.
“Promise me that no matter what happens you’ll protect each other.” Your heart shatters when you see the utter fear and terror that paints your youngest child’s face. She’s gone through so much at her age, things no child should have to experience. “If we are separated go as far and as fast as you can. Do not engage with the Mangkwan if you can help it.” You leave no room for discussion. These are orders.
The fire on the ship spreads fast. “Help put out the fire!” You command. Thankfully the Tlalim carry containers of water on board for situations like this. The smoke is suffocating. All of you are coughing as you attempt to put out the raging fire.
Above you can the sound of gunshots. Through the smoke in the corner of your eye you see a raider hop onto the ship and kill a Tlalim. You’re stunned. You have heard the stories about the Mangkwan, but seeing a Na’vi kill another Na’vi with ease is shocking; only the most vile and depraved Na’vi are capable of doing such. And one such Na’vi is on the same airship as you and your children.
Spider attempts to shield Tuk and Kiri so he could shoot at the raider. But his bow is far too tiny and he’s far to week to do much damage even though he shot the raider in the middle of his neck. The ash and blood covered raider snaps the arrow in his neck in half like it was nothing and swings the blunt end of his spear at Spider’s head. Spider manages to bring him to his knees with a shot to his heart. You take this opportunity to grab a nearby axe and you wack it across the raiders head with all the force you can muster. Just to make sure he will not get back up you smash his head with the axe a few more times. Before you can catch your breath you see something glowing above you. Your eyes widen when you realize that the Medusoid above you is about to explode.
“Get to your ikrans!” You shout as you usher the children to their ikrans making sure you grab your bow as you do. And it’s a good thing you did because as they’re mounting on their ikrans a raider is rapidly approaching. You draw your bow back just in time to shoot the raider before she could land. You feel relief when the children get on their ikrans. Neteyam and Tuk are on Kiri’s ikran while Spider is with Lo’ak.
“Sa’nu watch out!” You hear Tuk shriek as she points to something behind you. You feel it before you see it. One of the raider knows you across the head with something and it disorients you. Even with your blurry vision you can see that the boys are about to get off their ikrans.
“Get out of here!” You sense their hesitation and yell at them once more. Anything could happen to you. You do not want your children to be witness to it if it were to happen. You need them safe. “I said go!” They reluctantly listen. You’re finally able to defend yourself without having to worry about your children being in the way.
The raider attempts to swing his club once again but this time you grab your knife and stab him in the thigh. The attack doesn’t do much but slow down his swinging. The club hits you in the throat, right where your comm is. The attack knocks the wind out of you and you feel the little device shock you. You have to rip it off you when it starts smoking. You bow is just in reach but the raider smashes down on your calf with his club as you attempt to reach for your bow.
The pain shoots through your body but you can’t focus on that right now. Survival is what matters right now. The safety of your family is what matters. Close quarter combat was never your strong suit, and going over a decade without fighting in this body puts you at a massive disadvantage. But you cannot allow yourself to die. Not after Eywa let you live. With all of your might, you kick the raider in his stomach; it’s just enough to push him back so you can grab onto your bow.
The Mangkwan raider is looking at you with a sadistic smile. Blood is mixed with his ash colored body paint; you can only hope that it’s his own blood, but you’re not naive. The raider looks at you as though your pain is nothing but pleasure for him. You’ve seen that sadistic evil look in someone else’s eyes before. But that person is dead. Though the person in front of you may be different, but evil looks the same in everyones eyes.
As you ready your bow the raider charges at you in a full sprint. You manage to release your bow before you were in range of the raiders club. Your arrow pierces his eye. The raider stumbles back towards the ledge of the airship as warm crimson blood gushes from his eye. You grab another arrow and just as you’re about to shoot the final blow you hear the sound of flesh being ripped from a body and a scream fading into the distance. You see Sreton’ong perched at the edge of the airship, the severed arm of the Mangkwan raider still in his mouth.
“You saved me, thank you.” Sreton’ong gives an impatient chirp urging you to hurry up and get on him. It’s a good thing he can when he did because the airship quickly catches on fire and goes down into the forest below. Your heart aches for the poor animals and Na’vi that couldn’t escape.
As much as you’d like to help others, your first priority is reuniting with your family. Unfortunately, it’s hard to make any of them out with the amount of bodies and obnoxious smoke poisoning the sky. Arrows are flying everywhere. Bodies are falling left and right. This is the beginning of a massacre. Without even realizing it your grip on your bow gets tighter.
“MaSreton’ong, whatever happens take care of yourself first.” Through the bond you can feel your ikrans unease at your statement. “If you get hurt, don’t worry about me, just get to safety and get help at high cam—” You didn’t get a chance to finish your sentence when Sreton’ong has to swerve to avoid a flaming arrow.
One of the raiders is on your tail, already preparing to shoot another arrow at you. You can’t tell if it’s blood or just red paint surrounding the raiders mouth. You really hope it’s paint, but you wouldn’t put it past the Mangkwan to drink the blood of their victims.
Your abs burn as you stand up on Sreton’ong to get a better aim at the Raider. Your first shot just barely misses as it only scraps the side of the Mangkwan’s neck. You can’t panic; panic will lead to mistakes and mistakes will lead to your death.
You take a deep breath as you steady your bow once more; praying to Eywa that you do not accidentally strike the poor ikran forced to do its riders bidding. The Great Mother has heard your prayer as the arrow strikes the raider right through her heart; instantly knocking her off the ikran.
As you prepare your bow once more you feel intense pain shooting through The Bond. Sreton’ong screams out in pain as an arrow shoots right through one of his wings. His flailing causes you to fall off of him. As you fall you can see Sreton’ong try to catch you but it’s obvious that the pain is making it difficult. “MaSreton’ong, go back to Camp and get help.” Sreton’ong doesn’t listen and continues to try to catch you. “Go! I promise I’ll be fine! Just go somewhere safe…please.” Sreton’ong reluctantly listens to your pleading and flys towards the direction of High Camp while carefully avoiding the raiders.
Once you’re sure Sreton’ong isn’t going to turn around, you have to make good on your promise. You have to survive this fall. Even if your bones are now reenforced with carbon fiber that doesn’t mean the laws of physics won’t apply to you. You have to find a way to safely slow your descent.
Your arms and legs spread out as you try to slow your rapid descent towards the forest below. All your attempts to slow down seem to be superfluous because the tree line is rapidly approaching. You know there’s no way you’re making it down to the ground unscathed. Eywa seems to be on your side because you can make out the shape of a tree with large leaves. Those will be your last hope for survival. You manage to land on a few leaves, but it was far from graceful. Each time you hit a tree branch a shooting pain burns through your body. As you fall your body gets tangled in vines which does help you slow down but it also forces you towards a large branch and the back of your head slams against it. Your vision quickly turns black and as you reach the ground the vines that held you snap and your unconscious body rolls down into an inconspicuous hole in the ground.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
When you wake up your head is pounding. Your ear is ringing. Your body aches; muscles you didn’t even know existed are in agonizing pain. But you can’t worry about it right now, the only thing on your mind is getting back to your children.
Your children.
You pray to Eywa that they are safe. That the raiders didn’t get to them. That there’s not even a scratch on their precious skin. Instinctively you reach for your comm but then you remember that a raider destroyed it; you have no way f contacting your family.
When you get out of the hole it’s already night. Pandora is usually so beautiful at night but tonight its eerie. In the corner of your eye you can see the remnants of the Tlalim’s airships still burning bright. You scramble to find any type of weapon and thankfully you’re able to find your bow not too far away. You only have one arrow left, if you have to make a shot you have to make it count.
The sight of the reck is truly a massacre dead bodies litter the ground, mainly Tlalim bodies; their kurus cut from their bodies. You feel evil each time you sigh in relief when you realize that a body isn’t one of your children. Those people are someone’s child and here you are glad that you’re not the one experiencing the loss of a child.
You quickly come to the realization that the Mangkwan have left the area so you’re able to search more freely but you still have to be cautious. You shouldn’t put it past those bastards to rig traps.
Your ears pick up a noise not to far from you was not too far from you. Even with your Na’vi ears you can’t make out what exactly the noise is.
Your blood runs cold when the thundering echo of gunshots ring through the forest. Either Jake or the children are in trouble. The Mangkwan must still be nearby. You run as fast as your legs allow but you stay hidden within the trees. You have one shot and the element of surprise will help you. Jake is standing still with his hands in the air. As you prepare to draw your bow you’re stopped when you realize it’s not the Mangkwan. It’s the RDA. Recombatant soldiers. Two of them. They should be dead. One of them is Quaritch. You nearly drop your bow when you realize who the other is.
Wainfleet. He should be dead.
You try to stay strong but your hands are shaking like the ground during an earthquake. Your heart is pounding out of your chest and your breathing grows erratic. Why is he alive. Of all the people in the universe why did the he have to live. He should be dead.
Wainfleet kicks Jake down to the ground and then smashes the back of his head with his gun. Anger surges through you when Wainfleet unnecessarily kicks Jake’s stomach. You want to shoot him dead right then and there but you don’t have a good angle on him. Neytiri taught you how to make a clean kill but he doesn’t deserve a clean kill. No, you want him to suffer and die an agonizing death. It’s what he deserves. Wainfleet bends down to Jake with something in his hands.
You’re still shaking so much but you move to get a better angle on Wainfleet. You have to hurry. He deserves to die. After all he’s done, even a painful death will be a mercy. You will cleanse Pandora from his pollution. You steady your nerves as much as you could before you finally release your arrow.
You missed your shot. Sure it hit him in his upper arm but it wouldn’t be enough. It’d never be enough. All it did was just alert Quaritch and Wainfleet to your position. Wainfleet sprays bullets into your general direction while Quaritch yanks Jake by his kuru and holds his gun up to his face.
“Come on out Mrs.Sully.”
Even through the pain of having his kuru yanked on, Jake’s ears prick up at the nickname Quaritch decided to use. He thinks Neytiri was the one who shot Wainfleet, but Jake knows better. The arrow that shot Wainfleet wasn’t Neytiri’s and Neytiri wouldn’t have missed that shot. Jake’s eyes widen in panic when he realizes that you’re here.
“I’m not going to tell you again Mrs.Sully. He’s wanted dead or alive.” The Colonel smooshes the gun closer to Jake and puts his finger on the trigger. “Don’t test my resolve.”
Neither solider knows exactly where you are right now. If they did there’s no doubt in your mind that Wainfleet’s trigger happy self would shoot you dead instantly. If you had more arrows you could definitely kill Quaritch and then you and Jake could attack Wainfleet together. But alas you have no more arrows. All you have is a knife but there’s no way you could risk attacking them with a knife when Quaritch is holding a gun up to your husbands head. You have no choice but to listen to them.
“Come out with your hands where I can see them!”
It disgusts you to obey Wainfleet’s orders but for the sake of your husband you do it. The second Wainfleet gets a glimpse of you, he doesn’t bother to look at you and instead ties you up like Jake and shoving you towards Quaritch. Only then does Wainfleet get a good look at you.
“Holy shit. Well if it isn’t Sleeping Beauty.” Wainfleet grips you chin to force you to look at him. Over a decade apart you managed to delude yourself into thinking that you’ve forgotten his repulsive touch. “I thought you died in the first war.” You don’t even bother trying to answer him. You just attempt to bite him and hiss at him. But anyone who knows anything about Na’vi facial expressions know that that hiss wasn’t purely an angry warning. Your ears are nearly flat against your head, your pupils are blown out; the average human would think that you’re just angry. But in reality you’re more akin to a scared animal desperately trying to make itself seem more dangerous than it actually is. Your hiss is rewarded by a swift and sharp slap to your cheek, something that hasn’t happened to you in years.
“You’re feisty now aren't ya, Princess.” Wainfleet looks at you with a vile look you wish you could forget. He looks at you like you’re a piece of meat.
“Get your hands off her!” Jake yells at him. Surprisingly Wainfleet listens to Jake. You don’t miss the glint in his eyes just before he throws you towards Jake.
“Who hit you Corporal?” Quaritch asks as he begins to circle you both. Jake makes sure you’re physically okay before answering. “Mangkwan Raiders. They call themselves Ash People.” Quaritch uses his dirty bare feet to unceremoniously move the head of dead Tlalim to reveal the severed kuru. “What’s this?”
You tune out Jake talking to Quaritch.. All you can hear is your heart pounding in your chest like a war drum. It’s deafening. Your mind is running a million miles. The man that caused you so much anguish is a mere foot away. You thought you were over this. You’ve had plenty of time to get over what happened to you, so why are you like this? You have to control your shaking hands, you have to get your breathing under control, you cannot show any fear.
You remember that he likes your fear.
With his bound hands Jake lifts you up to your feet. The action makes you aware of your surroundings once more. Jake is worried about you. He’s never seen you like this. It takes everything out of him to not reach out for you and cuddle you so he can ask you what’s wrong. But now is not the time. He can’t risk either Wainfleet or Quaritch learning about the true extent of your relationship.
The trek through the jungle as Jake tracks the children is mostly quiet. None of you can really risk talking or making much noise. There’s still a chance the Mangkwan are nearby. It’s ironic that your enemy has saved you from interacting more with your other enemy. In any other situation it’d be peaceful. You can feel Wainfleet’s gaze on you. It’s unnerving. You have to focus on your children so you don’t have a panic attack immediately.
He always had a sick fascination with your Na’vi body.
The sporadic sound of gunshots draws your attention to an area not too far ahead of you. The orange glow of the fire juxtaposed to the cool blue of the night acts like a target, you know exactly where your children are. The thought both comforts and terrifies you since that also means that the Mangkwan also know where your children are.
You and Jake move gracefully and quietly, not a single sound is coming from either you as you move. Wainfleet and Quaritch on the other hand are too loud for your liking. They snap one too many twigs for your liking.
When you’re close enough to see your children, your heart aches at the sight. Your children are held by their kurus with weapons pointed at them. Poor Tuk looks like she’s going to cry any minute. And then there’s Spider. Your eyebrows furrow at the sight and then panic sets in. Where is his mask? Where is his mask?!
“How’s he breathing with no mask?”
“I can’t even begin to think about that right now.”
The Mangkwan woman with a mane like headdress stalks over to Spider. You assume she must be of high status just based on her attire and how she carries herself. “Is our air not poison to Sky People?” She crouches down to his level and touches his face. She forcefully slaps him when he tries to bite her. “How do you still live Air Breather?”
“Because it is the will of Eywa!” Kiri’s comment causes the other Mangkwan to growl at her and the Mangkwan lady snaps her head to Kiri.
“Eywa?” She snatches Spider by his hair and holds a knife to his neck. “If I cut now do you think Eywa will come to save him?”
You have to act now. The Mangkwan would have no qualms about killing a child. Jake is on the same wavelength as you and immediately urges Quaritch to cut both of your restraints. He reluctantly does so. He’s even more reluctant to hand over his knives to you both but what can he do in this situation, his son is at knife point by a crazy lady. Wainfleet is clearly not pleased at the situation but you don’t care. You have half a mind to not shove the knife down his throat.
You and Jake sneak around and you can hear the crazy lady shout at Lo’ak to show her how to make thunder. Even in this tense situation Lo’ak cannot help but make a snarky reply to her.
Just up ahead there’s a lookout. Jake signals you to stay put so he can swiftly and quietly take out the lookout. Once the lookout is dead Jake hands you the bow knowing that he can use a knife better than you. The Mangkwan bow is a bit of a different design compared to what you’re used to but you’ll have to make do.
“Kill the youngest one.”
The crazy lady says with unnerving calmness. Your blood runs cold hearing her words, Tuk’s terrified screams, and the pleading from your other children. You jump out from your hiding spot alongside Jake. You send your arrows flying as Jake punches through the enemy. One Mangkwan manages to get close to you but you shoot an arrow right through his gaping maw just in time to hear gunshots ringing from Quaritch. He’s holding the crazy lady by her kuru and pointing the gun to her face forcing her to tell her people to stand down. You take this opportunity to rush to comfort Tuk as the other children grab the dropped arrows from the Mangkwan.
“Mommy, I’m scared.” Tuk cries out as she clings onto you when you pick her up. You do your best to soothe Tuk but the way the crazy lady is crying or laughing is unnerving you. You see her subtlety reaching behind her and before you can warn Quaritch he groans out in pain and falls down to his knees. Jake turns his head to see what the commotion is and a nearby Mangkwan takes this opportunity to hit him to the ground. Soon you’re all apprehended again as Quaritch tries to fight back against the forced tsaheylu. Quaritch lets out the most pathetic hiss when he finally manages to break free.
“You are strong Sky Man.” She snatches the gun from one of her lackeys and presents it upside down to Quaritch. “Show me how to make thunder.” She wasn’t asking, it was an order. She didn’t need to say any threat because everyone knew what would happen if he disobeyed.
The look of pure glee on her face as she shoots the vein pods is nauseating. It’s not like you’ve never seen a Na’vi hold a gun before, but the warriors of the Omatikaya only do it for defense and protection and that was only after careful and deliberate spiritual guidance do to the belief that metal poisons the heart. You’ve never seen a Na’vi so excited to disregard one of Eywa’s laws.
After gleefully yipping she points the gun at Quaritch. “I do not need you now Sky Man. Bind them well! Prepare for sacrifice!” The Mangkwan rip Tuk out of your arms and she screams out once more. “Mommy!” Tears are streaking down her face and you try to fight off the Mangkwan but you’re unable to do so. “Mawey Tuk. It’ll all be okay. Everything will be okay.” You’re trying to reassure her but in reality you have no idea how you’re going to get out of this situation. The Mangkwan have tied you all incredibly well and there are a few of them circling you all, just watching as the others dance with the fire.
Your eyes scan over each one of your children. Tuk is the closest and you use your tail to stroke her sides in an attempt to comfort her. Spider and Lo’ak are sitting up but you can’t make out their expressions. Neteyam is played down and you can see blood seeping through his bandages, he must be in so much pain right now. Kiri’s back is facing you so you can’t see what she’s doing. Jake and Quaritch seem to have given up on breaking free from the restraints for the time being. You mind drifts off to your other mate. You pray to Eywa that Neytiri is alive and well. You pray that you’ll be reunited soon.
Out of nowhere toxic thorns shoot out and kill the Mangkwan watching you. You waste to time grabbing one of their knives to cut yourselves free from the restraints. Its not long before you’re all making a beeline through the forest to put as much distance between the Mangkwan and yourselves. You keep a tight grip on Tuk as you carry her while running.
Soon you reach a swamp area and with no hesitation you jump into the water. You know from experience that tracking things through the water is incredibly difficult and even if the Mangkwan were to fly on their ikrans the canopy will provide just enough cover. “We must hurry.” You urge everyone into the water. You give a little extra help to Neteyam due to his injury; swamp water definitely cannot be good for his wound but there’s no other choice right now.
You wade through the water for what feels like hours until you get to the end of the swamp. Tuk fell asleep on your back so you gently place her on the ground so she could sleep better. You help Neteyam lay down as he tries to mask how much pain he’s in. You wish you had something to clean and change his bandages with but there’s nothing within eyesight. You don’t even have clean water to clean the wound. All the medicine Mo’at made for him was on the airship. All you can do now is keep an eye on him to make sure he’s as comfortable as he can get. You brush the braids out of his face once he finally gets into a comfortable sleeping position. “Sleep my children, you need your rest.”
Once the children are asleep you sit next to Jake. “You and the Mrs, well Mrs’s must’ve done something right. He’s a good kid.” Quaritch isn’t stupid, he’s seen the way you were with the children. He might not be fluent in Na’vi but he knows enough to know that your relationship with Jake isn’t entirely platonic and the way the children call you mom solidifies his theory. “He’s a great kid.” Jake responds after taking a glimpse at Spider.
“This doesn’t mean we’re gonna start taking long walks together. I’m still bringing you in, dead if I have to. Might even bring you in as well.” You just hiss at Quaritch when he addresses you.
“All this time out here and you still don’t get it.” Jake breaths out in disbelief. “This world is deeper than you imagine. You witnessed it tonight with her. And with him.” Jake gestures towards where Kiri and Spider are sleeping.
Quaritch completely disregards Jake’s statement. “Don’t matter. It don’t matter what color I am. I still remember what team I’m playing for.” You roll your eyes at his stubbornness and Jake’s attempt to reason with Quaritch. “You got new eyes Colonel, you just have to open them.” Quaritch refrains from responding and instead closes his eyes.
“He may have new eyes but he is still the same man who destroyed Hometree.” You rest a hand on Jake’s shoulder. “Get some sleep, I’ll keep watch.” Jake tries to protest, something’s off about you and he wants to talk about it but you don’t let him speak. You just urge him to sleep and he reluctantly does so..
The entire night you don’t get a wink of sleep. So much has happened in the past three days and it’s a lot to process. Your mind keeps drifting back to Wainfleet. Why is he still alive? Why is the man who’s committed so many sins, so many atrocities still living? Why couldn’t he have died in the battle? The more you think about him, the tenser you get and the more you grind down on your teeth. You hate him so much.
He needs to die.
The rage inside you keeps boiling until you hear the screech of an ikran. You rush to wake Jake as he sleeps on your shoulder. “It’s the Ash!” You both rush to wake the children and guide them into the forest to hide. But then the yipping you hear puts you at ease. “Wait! They’re ours!” You shout out in relief.
Tarsem immediately goes to check on Tuk and Kiri. “Children!” You hear Neytiri shout as she gets off Sa’ata.You rush over to your injured wife. She’s bandaged up, her arm is in a sling, and you can see blood seeping out from her wound. Your shaky hands find her face as you examine her. “MaTiri, what happened to you.” Neytiri doesn’t respond and tries to pull you and the children into her arms.
“Jake, are you okay?” Jake makes his way over to you all and holds her head into his chest. “It’s okay, we’re okay.” Neytiri sighs in relief at his reassurance. Her relief is short-lived when he notices Spider without his mask. Not much else can be said before Tarsem urges everyone to get back on the ikrans just in case the Mangkwan are still in the area. You’d rather Neytiri not fly in her condition but you don’t have a choice in the matter. It’s not like you have Sreton’ong right now. Sreton’ong. You hope that he made it to safety, that he’s okay. You couldn’t live with yourself if something were to have happened to him and you weren’t there for him in his last moments.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
The bellowing sound of horns lets you know that you’ve arrived at High Camp. Your face lights up when a certain ikran is diligently waiting for you at the edge of the cliff. Sreton’ong looks like he’s been bandaged up but other than that he looks okay.
As soon as Neytiri lands you rush over to him to embrace him; tears streaming down your eyes. “Thank you, Great Mother.” You’re so glad he’s okay Your hold out your kuru to himself you can share his pain.
Sreton’ong was so scared when you fell off him. He wanted to go back for you but he had to trust in your judgement. The only reason he didn’t go back was because he trusted in you and the All Mother. He was scared and alone until he found Sa’ata carrying an unconscious and injured Neytiri. The two flew together until they reached High Camp. While Norm was in surgery for Neytiri, Max was the one who patched him up. He won’t be able to fly for a while but he’ll make a full recovery. “I prayed that you’d be okay, MaSreton’ong. I’m so glad you are.”
After you reunion with Sreton’ong you urge Neteyam to follow you into the lab so you can patch his wounds since Mo’at went somewhere with Kiri. “Mother I’m fine, really.” Neteyam tries to protest but you pay him no mind as you remove his bandages.
“Teyam your stitches are torn, I’m going to have to redo them.” Neteyam winces at the thought. For as mighty as he likes to portray himself, he isn’t exactly the biggest fan of needles. You know he’s scared of them even if he’ll never admit it.
You rummage around the cabinets the best you can for some pain killers. It was much easier to do when you were still human. When you finally look for the bottle you turn back to Neteyam. “Ma’itan, would you rather use human medicine or Na’vi medicine?”
You always want to give your children the option when it comes to medicine. Jake is always advocating for human medicine while Neytiri strictly uses Na’vi medicine; you don’t think either one is better so it’s best to let the children use whatever they feel most comfortable with. You know enough of the basics for both types so it’s no problem for you.
“Can I get the human pain medicine but can everything else be done the Na’vi way?” It doesn’t take you too long to finish redressing Neteyam’s wounds. Honestly it took you a little longer than necessary since you wanted to make sure everything was done properly. When you’re done you send Neteyam off to rest in your old marui. Once he’s gone you make your way to the other scientists. You’re sure it’s nothing, but you’d like to get your head checked out since you hit it pretty hard when you fell. But just as you’re about to ask for a scan, Norm and Max rush into the lab looking incredibly panicked.
“Oh thank god you’re here y/n! It’s Kiri!” You panic when Max finished his sentence. You rush over to the man. “What is wrong with Kiri?” “She had another seizure.” Your mind goes blank as you help Max and Norm get everything they’ll need to assist Kiri. Only when your faced with your unconscious daughter underneath the Tree of Souls do you finally come back to reality.
“Oh maKiri, my sweet girl.” You cry out as you hold your eldest daughter in your arms. Neytiri is just as worried as you while Jake wears his usual mask of stoicism. “Mo’at, what happened?” You turn to ask your mother-in-law. “She was trying to seek answers from the Great Mother.” Mo’at replies while mixing up some sort of remedy. Max and Norm hook her up to various machines while she’s still in your arm. You don’t listen to anything they’re saying to Jake, your focus is on your babygirl. She’s so big now but all you see in that moment is the little baby you fell in love with at first sight. Neytiri intertwines her hand with yours as you both comfort each other with prayer. The Great Mother seems to have heard your prayers an you feel Kiri stir awake in your arms. “Oh my Kiri, my sweet child.” You carefully pull Kiri into a hug as you cry. Max and Norm continue to monitor Kiri for awhile as Neytiri talks to your daughter.
“Eywa never came to me. I told you I don’t know how I did it.” Kiri says exasperatedly as Mo’at hands her a drink. “Kiri, you have been touched by the All Mother’s hand. This we have known since you were born.” Everyone besides Kiri knows what Neytiri meant and you all avoid eye contact with each other.
Kiri looks at you all in disbelief. “There is something you’re hiding from me.” Her voice cracks a little and you bring her closer to you. “I have felt it my whole life. Just tell me the truth! Please…” “Tell her.” Mo’at says decidedly. “It is time.”
“My child…” Neytiri is the first one to speak up. “You don’t have a father, Kiri.” “What?” Kiri asks in disbelief. You can’t blame her for being confused, it is a wild statement. “Your mother, Grace’s avatar; when she was pregnant Norm ran some tests and it was a p-palo” Sensing Jake’s inability to pronounce the word Norm speaks up. “A parthenogenetic birth. You’re genetically identical to the Avatar. There literally is no father.” Kiri stares at you all, unable to form words for a moment. “I’m a clone?”
“No Kiri, if any of my children are clones it is Lo’ak, not you.” Your attempt at a joke doesn’t lighten Kiri’s mood so you switch tactics. “Kiri, your birth is the will of Eywa.” You look up at Mo’at for help knowing that the Tsahìk could speak about this more eloquently than you could.
Mo’at rests one hand on Kiri’s shoulder while the other inlays on the ground. “When the dreamwalker body laid here, in the Great Mother’s hands a seed was planted.”
You remember that night. At the time it was one of the worst moments of your life. Your mentor and friend died even though all of the Omatikaya worked hard to help her. The prayers weren’t enough, Grace wasn’t strong enough. Although that night was terrible, it was also the night that your daughter’s spirit entered the world. You have mixed feelings about that night.
“That really sucks. That makes me even more of a freak.” You hate hearing your daughter make self deprecating comments. Your arms wrap around her a little tighter. “You are Eywa’s child ma’ite.”
Kiri is still very conflicted about this new revelation and isn’t fully comforted about her words. You never what your children to doubt themselves. As their mother you’ll do all you can to help them.
“Can I see her?” You all know who she’s referring to and after packing up the equipment you make your way back to camp and into the lab. Kiri stares at Grace’s Avatar for a while. Not saying anything; you know without a shadow of a doubt that her mind is swirling with concerns and questions.
“I don’t care how it happened.” Jake tucks some of Kiri’s hair behind her ear. “You’re my babygirl. And I’m the only father you’re ever gonna need.”
“If I’m so special, why does Eywa fold her ears to me?” Kiri asks before placing her mask to her face for a few moments. Max and Norm give each other a look. “We don’t know why but you’re locked out from her.” Norm says. “It’s like an encryption. The harder you try to break in the harder—“ Neytiri heavily sighs and puts her hand up to the two humans, a silent order to tell them to stop talking. She’s always hated the technological metaphors when it came to Eywa.
“Eywa has a path for you, though she chooses to conceal it. You must trust in her.” Kiri shakes her head a little at Neytiri. “I have to find out what it is.”
“No, you have to stop asking.” Norm speaks in a harsh tone you rarely hear from him. “Kiri, if you try to connect again you could die. If you do it underwater you will die.” Norm speaks with uncharacteristic firmness. You can see that your daughter is not feeling well. “Kiri, lets go back to the marui. You should rest before we leave once more for Awa’atlu.”
As you both walk to the marui, Kiri seems to get more and more tense. “Ma’ite. Talk to me.” Kiri seems reluctant but she still opens up to you. “I’m so confused sa’nu! Why am I such a freak? What does the Great Mother want with me?” You gesture for Kiri to sit down on the woven mat in the marui as you come up with the right words.
“My daughter, I will not pretend to know exactly what the Great Mother’s plan is.” You stoke her hair gently. “What I do know is that the All Mother has something great in store for you; that I have known since your birth.” You look into Kiri’s eyes and smile lovingly at her. “You’re many things Kiri, but a freak isn’t one. Eywa will reveal her plan to you one day and in the meantime I will be with you every step of the way.”
Your reassurance seems to have soften her up a little and she hugs your waist, her head buried in your chest like she used to when she was a small child as you rub her back. The two of you stay like that for a while until Kiri speaks up. “Sa’nu, can we nap together?” You didn’t even need to be asked. No matter how old your children get, you’ll aways sleep with them. You don’t sleep until you’re sure Kiri is deep into dreamland. You don’t know how long you were asleep but eventually a small nudge wakes you up. “Baby, we need to head out.” Jake says before placing a kiss on your forehead.
Saddling everyone up onto eight people onto three ikrans was certainly a struggle. If Sreton’ong was okay to fly again things would’ve been easier, but he cannot fly at the moment especially not with multiple people on him. Sreton’ong knows his way to Awa’atlu and will eventually fly there once he’s healed. But eventually isn’t now. Only Bob, Sa’ata, and Vamì can fly. You’d rather Neteyam not fly with his wounds but you don’t have a choice.
Jake briefly considered having Kiri and Lo’ak bond with another ikran before you all left for Awa’atlu but you shut that down real quick. The kids are still mourning the loss of their bonded and it wouldn’t be right to bond with another ikran so soon.
Thankfully, ikrans are strong and area able to fly with the extra amount of weight. Frequent stops were made to ensure that the ikrans were well rested. It took much longer than normal to get back to Awa’atlu. You didn’t make it back until it was almost dusk two days later.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
When you all land you see Tsireya rush up to hug Lo’ak, you smirk a little when you see a purple blush creep up your youngest son’s face. Tonowari and Ronal approach you, Neytiri, and Jake with grim expressions painting their faces.
“I see the Great Mother has allowed you to live in a false body.” Ronal quips although its with less venom than she normally has for you. Something must be terribly wrong.
“A new demon ship has arrived. Bigger. More of our tulkun have been killed.” Tonowari says solely. Jake offers a sincere apology. “Jakesully, the outcast is stirring up the young bulls. Our tulkun have called Council to decide about him.” You see Lo’ak perk up at the mention of Payakan. You reach for his hand and squeeze to let him know that you’re there for him.
By nightfall the entire village has gathered along with a pod of tulkun for council. You sit in the front with your family, next to Lo’ak. You know his emotions running high because nothing good can come from this meeting. You wish to be there for him.
“The matriarch has spoken.” Tonowari turns to address the Na’vi. “She says the outcast continues to defy the tulkun way. All killing is forbidden; he was outcast for this but he has done it again.”
In the corner of your eye you can see Lo’ak’s tail sway anxiously behind him. You reach out to hold his hand but he avoids it. “The outcast attacked the demon ship bringing death to our people.”
Lo’ak leans over to whisper to Jake. “Dad, they can’t blame Payakan.” But Jake promptly shuts him down. The tulkun matriarch whistles some more things for Tonowari to translate.
“She says he continues to disrupt.” The Olo’eyktan emphasizes disrupt with a quick jab into the air with his spear. “Spreading bad ideas around our young.” You can hear Spider and Kiri whisper about how its not true. “She says he will only bring more death.”
Lo’ak leans over to his father once more. “Hey, why don’t you say something?” You can see Jake growing more agitated with Lo’ak even though he’s trying to be respectful and not speak out of turn during council. “Say something. Please.”
“She says the outcast may not stay in these waters. He must go far, where his song cannot be heard. Exiled for life.” Lo’ak’s ear fall upon hearing the matriarch’s decision. “It is decided.” You can see the hurt and confusion swirling in Lo’ak’s eyes. You reach out for him once more but he shoots up when he sees Payakan leaving. “No, Payakan! Brother! Please!”
As Payakan swims away Lo’ak turns his anger on the village. “This is wrong!” He yells out, you can hear the pain in his voice. “You do not speak here.” Ronal tries to reprimand Lo’ak but he brushes her off.
“Payakan fought for us! He saved your daughters life!” You, Jake, and Neytiri all stand up. You try to reach out for Lo’ak to calm him down. “The elders have spoken.” Tonowari leaves no room for discussion but Lo’ak pays him no mind.
“The tulkun are being hunted, they are dying.” Lo’ak sounds exasperated as he tries to get hhis perspective through. You reach out for him once more but he brushes you off. “Payakan is a warrior! He fought for us. More than any of you!” Lo’ak singles out the villagers, creating an uproar.
“Take him from here!” Tonowari yells after having enough of Lo’ak’s outburst. Jake roughly yanks Lo’ak away by the arm, you try to stop him but he orders you to stay put. You stand in disbelief as Jake drags Lo’ak away. How dare he order you like he’s a general. You’re Lo’ak’s mother just as much as he is his father. Jake has no right to speak to you that way. You decided that you’re not going to listen to Jake’s orders and make your way towards the arguing duo.
“…If you hadn’t gone to him in the first place; if you hadn’t disobeyed orders then your mother and brother wouldn’t have—” “Jake!” You scream from behind to interrupt him from finishing his sentence. But the damage is already done. Lo’ak knew that Jake was going to blame him for you and Neteyam almost dying even if he didn’t finish the statement.
“That wasn’t my fault.” His ears droop and tears immediately form in his eyes. “That’s not my fault!” Lo’ak screams out in agony as he shoves Jake before running off. “Lo’ak!” You try to call out for your son when you get close but he was long gone now. You turn your fury onto Jake. You can’t believe that your husband would even think about blaming his son for nearly killing you.
“Jake how could you?” You ask in disbelief. “How fucking dare you!” You’re so angry at him that you cannot even speak properly. Your mind is going a thousand miles an hour but you need to focus on your son. “I am not done with you.” You walk off to find Lo’ak but not before giving Jake a glare.
You search the entire village high and low trying to find Lo’ak but you have no idea where he could’ve gone. It’s like he doesn’t want to be found. You want to respect his wishes but as his mother you also want to comfort him. Each minute you go through without finding your son makes your already shitty mood shittier. You were still pissed about being in close proximity with Wainfleet and Jake blaming your son for something so vile made it ten times worse. Eventually you have to give up your search, Lo’ak doesn’t want to be found right now.
When you storm into your marui you only see Jake. You can only assume that Neytiri is keeping the other children away from the marui because she knows a heated argument is about to happen.
The sight of Jake drinking from a cup boils your blood. How dare he act nonchalant after what he did? You don’t know if it’s water or alcohol he’s drinking but it doesn’t matter to you’ it all splashes the same when you snatch the cup from him and throw it against the wall.
Jake looks annoyed at your outburst. “I have nothing to say to him.” You glare at the man you call your husband. “It wasn’t Lo’ak’s fault and you know it.” You start pacing in the room. “If anyone is to blame it is you. You said you could protect this family; that you could do.” You hate to throw Jake’s words back at him but you feel like he deserves it at the moment. “I thought we’d be safe here.” He grumbles while looking at the ground.
“Safe?” You repeat mockingly. “Our wife and son were shot. Tuk has seen more than any child her age should have to see; all because of a decision you made like a dictator!” “I was wrong!” Jake shouts out in frustration.
“What do you want me to say? That every decision I made for this family is wrong? That I almost killed you and our son?” You say nothing. You want him to stew in your unspoken words just as he did to Lo’ak. Your anger festers inside you so much that your reasons for being angry start to blend in with each other.
“I hate it Jake! Because of you I had to see that man again! I hate it! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! He needs to die!” You scream out like a mad woman. Your husband is very confused by your sudden change of topic. He’s never seen you like this. “Tell me what’s wrong, baby. You shouldn’t keep this in.”
You let out a dark, low chuckle. How dare he say something so hypocritical? “You are the last person who should lecture me.” Jake grabs onto your flailing wrists but you manage to yank them free after a little struggle.
“This is all your fault! I hate him! I hate him! He should be dead! He needs to die!” You scream as you run out of the marui leaving Jake confused and worried about you.
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
A/N: This was my first time writing such violent scenes so I hope I did well.
Next chapter we're going to find out what caused reader to act the way she did. Some of you may already be able to guess but it'll be explicitly stated in the next chapter. Chapter 3 is going to be a bit dark so please make sure you read the tags and chapter specific warnings so you don't read anything you don't want to.
I have been thinking of writing my own fan fiction for a while now... specifically human jake sully. There's barely any! Do you have any tips and tricks for writing fan fiction. It will be my first time writing fan fiction in general so i dont expect it to be good. Any advice would be super helpful ❤️
I love your content xx
Thank you for enjoying my stories!
I always welcome more Avatar fans starting their own fan fictions. A story with human Jake would be so interesting!
As for tips for writing fan fiction I say write what interests you. Writing fics should be fun so there's no point in writing something that doesn't interest you.
I suggest starting with one shots or drabbles, they're less commitment and you'll be able to make them as long or as short as you'd like.
If you want to write multi-chapter stories then I recommend you have at least a general idea of where you want to end and some major events you'd like to include. I personally don't make detailed plans for my fics but knowing where I want the story to end helps me keep the story cohesive. It helps my stories have some structure but I'm not limited to following a plan if I come up with new ideas as I write.
The most important thing is to have fun! Write what you like, it doesn't matter if your fics don't come out like Shakespeare. Don't feel pressured to make the most perfect fic, you'll get better as you write more. I guarantee you that you'll find people who enjoy your stories. If you feel burnt out, take a break.
I hope this was at least somewhat helpful for you. I wish you the best of luck in your fan fiction writing endeavors! I'd love to read whatever you come up with!
You survived The Skirmish at the Three Brothers, but you're no longer the same you from the past. The Great Mother has let you live except you're now bigger and bluer, permanently. You want nothing more than to return to your peaceful life with your family. But you know that'll never happen so long as the RDA sullies Pandora's soil.
You're prepared to fight for your family but you have no idea what you're up against when the RDA makes a surprising ally. And just when you think things can't get worse a ghost from your past is back. Feelings you thought you suppressed 16 years ago come erupting up like a volcano.
Explicit Smut, Threesome, Polyamory, Porn with Plot, Nipple Play, Kuru Play, Tsaheylu, Overstimulation
wc- 10k
Previous Series
Ashes in the Sea is the 2nd part, so please read the previous series if you haven't already~
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
For years you’ve dreamt of this moment. For years you’ve wanted only one thing. And now you have it. After 16 years of praying and begging the Great Mother, you’re finally back in your Avatar body; permanently. Even though you’ve wanted this more than anything, it’s strange being back in a body part of you thought was a lost cause.
As you stare at your now blue hand you can’t see much difference between you now and just a few days ago; that is until you compare it to the sleeping forms of your family as they curl up to you like they do every night. The comparison is what makes you truly sink in the fact that you’re no longer physically human; you’re blue, you see more, hear more, and your body is no longer engulfed by the long lithe figures of your mates and children.
But most noticeably, you no longer need your mask. The constant mechanical sound that was present when you exhaled is gone. Something that was a source of comfort for your family, something that let them know you were alive and well, is now gone. You’re deep in your thoughts until someone decides to intertwine their fingers into the hand you’re staring at and nuzzle their head into the crook of your neck.
“MaSyulang, what is wrong?” Neytiri asks, sleep still clinging onto her voice. “Nothing my love. It’s just…I can’t believe this is reality.” You gesture to your intertwined hands. Neytiri seems to understand what you’re say and pulls you closer. “It is real. This is all real. The Great Mother has provided, she has welcomed you back among The People.” You’re at a lost for words so you don’t say anything, opting to just stare at your hand in awe. “You have had a long night, you should get some rest.” You turn your head to the entrance of the marui and notice the light that is slowly creeping its way into High Camp.
“I am fine, besides the day is already here. The others will wake up soon.” You decide to sit up to admire the sleeping forms of your children and other mates. Neytiri follows suit and gently guides your face to hers before pulling you into a sweet and gentle kiss. It’s weird at first. Sure you’ve kissed her in your Avatar body before, but you’ve spent the vast majority of your relationship trapped in your human body. You got used to her lips dwarfing yours. But now, your lips are perfectly sized for hers. You’re so engulfed in your kiss with your wife that you don’t notice your husband stirring awake.
“Baby? What are you doing awake so early?” Fuck, you’ve always thought that he sounded sexy with his morning voice, but now that you’re ears are more sensitive and you can hear more, you can’t help but think that his voice is like the sweetest honey covered aphrodisiac chocolate. “I am just enjoying the touch of our wife, maJake.” Neytiri says smugly against your lips, barely even opening one of her eyes to look at Jake. Before you even know it your kiss with Neytiri is interrupted when Jake pulls you away from her only to capture your lips with his own. You rarely had the opportunity to kiss your mates without a mask get in the way since that was something you could only do in the lab, but now you don’t need to worry about about a stupid mask again. Now, it takes much longer for your lungs to burn from the lack of air, but now you don’t have to worry about catching your breath in a stuffy mask, now you can take a deep breath of the fresh and clean Pandoran air before going right back into the make out session. You’re so engulfed in your lovers embrace that you almost forget that your children are far too close for you to even consider taking things further with your mates.
Reluctantly, you pull away from a now disgruntled Jake who turns to attack your exposed neck and chest with sloppy kisses. “MaJake, the children are nearby, we cannot continue.” You attempt to protest but it’s cut short when Neytiri joins Jake in attacking you with kisses. “Then we should go somewhere private.” Neytiri emphasizes each word with a kiss trailing all the way up to your ear before biting the tip, causing a shutter to violently run through your body. So this is what they felt every single time you bit their ears, you don’t regret it one bit. You look down at your still sleeping children and feel a twinge of guilt for thinking of leaving them alone in the marui after your literally almost died the previous night, but you also want to sneak away with your latest. And unfortunately for the motherly side of you, the horny side of you won and the three of you quietly sneak out of the marui without alerting your children only to be caught with your tails between your legs by Mo’at. You don’t know if it’s because she is a mother or if it’s because she’s Tsahìk, but Mo’at has an uncanny ability to catch you and your mates doing questionable things.
“It hasn’t even been twelve hours since your near death experience and you’re already sneaking out to do Eywa knows what at the crack of dawn.” Your ears flatten at her slightly accusatory tone. You think that she’s going to scold you when she deeply sighs. “I will stay with the children until they wake up and tell them you went out to talk.” The the of you perk up at her offer and quickly scurry off to your ikrans. But before you get to far away you hear Mo’at say one more thing.” “Ma’itetsyìp, don’t overexert yourself.” You feel heat rising in your face at your mother in law knowing exactly what you’re about to do and approving it.
Thankfully most of the village is still sleep so no one else is around to see you approaching your ikrans. Sreton’ong is the most excited you’ve ever seen him. He’s squawking and chirping and bobbing his head as if he’s dancing. He’s so loud that you fear he’s going to wake the entire camp. “Tam tam maSreton’ong.” You coo at your ikran as you pet his head. He looked so intimidating and huge when you were human, but now that you’re in your Avatar again, all you see is the sweetest little angel. Just as you’re about to offer your kuru to Sreton’ong you feel Jake’s strong hand on your shoulder.
“How about you ride on Bob with me? For old time sake’s.” You smile softly at your husband and kiss his knuckles. “I wish to ride my own ikran. Look at my little Sreton’ong, he’s practically vibrations in anticipation of riding with me again.” You yelp when you feel Neytiri playfully tug on your tail before giving you a peck on the cheek. “We should hurry before the whole village wakes up.”
The feeling of flying on your ikran after over a decade of not flying on your own is euphoric. You did ride him last night, but your mind was still fuzzy. Now you’re able to truly appreciate the free feeling you’re experiencing. From tsaheylu you can feel the Sreton’ong is just as happy as you are in the moment. You’re so overcome with joy that a lone tear slips from your eye as you chant “Thank you Great Mother” over and over in your head.
“My love, are you okay?” Neytiri flys Sa’ata a little closer to you and it snaps you out of your trance. Instead of responding immediately you give Neytiri a wide goofy smile. “The Great Mother has provided for us. I am so happy my love.” Your wife beams up at your joy and starts playfully chasing you. The sound of you and Neytiri’s laughter echoing throughout the sky is mesmerized to Jake. So much so that he slows Bob down just so he can admire you both. Without him even knowing it a gentle smile has begun to creep on his face. You’re right. The Great Mother has provided. His son is alive. His wife is alive. Even though he is immensely thankful for that, there’s still this gnawing feeling tugging on him that he’s desperately trying to suppress.
It doesn’t take you long to notice Jake lagging behind. “MaJake, is something wrong?” Instead of answering you honestly, Jake just shakes his head and flys closer to you. “I’m just thinking about where and how I’ll ravish you in the next five minutes.”
Your eyes go wide and if you could you would’ve slapped his arm for saying something like that. Neytiri’s ears perked up at Jake’s suggestive comment. “I think that island will be perfect.” Neytiri points to a small floating island with a waterfall on one side and a field of flowers on its top. In the center of the island a center of the island there’s a tree. Upon closer look, the tree looks oddly similar to Utraya Mokri, the Tree of Voices. The place where you first became one with your mates. And in a place similar to it, you’ll be taken by your mates for the first time in years in your reborn body.
Your thoughts are interrupted when you feel a large five fingered hand snake its way around your waist and a four fingered hand toying with your tail. You gasp when you feel Jake’s other hand trail across your jaw before gently covering it.
“How do you want it baby?” Your ears twitch feeling Jake’s breath grazing against them. “I have a few ideas, but this morning is about you so you get to choose.” The hand on your waist is slowly making its way up to your chest. You lean back into his touch; giving him access to your neck so he can kiss and suck the sides of it. Neytiri comes to your front and attaches her mouth onto your collarbone.
“Who do you want first maSyulang?” Neytiri speaks in a soft and seductive voice as she looks at you like you’re her prey through her long eyelashes. You forgot just how sensitive Na’vi bodies are to the touch of their mates. Just the feeling of their hands and lips on you is getting you hot and bothered. “Both.” You barely managed to breathe out as Neytiri’s kisses litter your throat and jaw.
“Both?” Jake repeated teasingly. You can practically feel his shit eating grin forming. “Are you sure you can handle both of us?” The scoff you had were going to let out morphed into a small moan when Jake bit your ear. “O-of course I can. I’ve done it many times.”
“We went easy on you, my love.” Neytiri’s hands delicately trace the dark blue stripes across your abdomen. “You were so small. So fragile.” She coos at you as her fingertips reach the end of your top. The same top Neytiri wore when you became mates.
“I want you both.” You say more determined.
Your words seem to break the last bit of Jake’s restraint since he flips you around and pushes you down onto the plush grass, being extra careful with your head to make sure you don’t hurt yourself. The juxtaposition of the golden rays of the morning sun creating angelic halo around Jake and his devilish smirk paired with the lustful look in his golden eyes is maddening.
“You have no idea what you do to me baby.” Each word is punctuated with a kiss, starting from your chest until he makes his way to your lips where he doesn’t kiss you. He just hovers over you. He just hovers above you. His breath tickling your face. Your so close that all you have to do to get the kiss you so desperately want is to tilt your head up ever so slightly. But you know Jake. He’s not just gonna give it to you. He’s going to tease you until you go insane and then some more. You let out a whine and huff at the realization.
“I want to fuck you so bad, baby. But today, I need to make love to you.” Your bring your hands up to play with his hair, pushing it away from his hair from his face. You lean in to whisper into his ear. “I’m yours, maJake.”
To reward your declaration, Jake finally gives you the kiss you’ve been wanting since your first one in your marui. Now that you’re the same size as Jake, you can feel how much he’s been holding back. You can’t say you don’t like it.
Jake kisses you like he’s starving and your lips are the only thing that can sustain him. Like your kisses are what keeps him going.
You’re so engrossed in Jake that you barely register Neytiri playing with your braided hair. That is until she somehow makes its way to your kuru. Immediately you throw your head back and your back arches slightly. The action causes your lips to part from Jakes and with a slightly annoyed groan he kisses and sucks down the expanse of your neck. Neytiri pulls your head into her lap so she can continue to play with your kuru. It takes you a while in your haze to realize what she’s doing. She’s teasing your kuru the same way you used to. Petting it, kissing is, tugging on it.
Eventually, her long slender fingers make their way down to the end of your kuru. As soon as she exposes your wiggly pink tendrils to the crisp morning air, she starts teasing them. She barely grazes the tips before she finally lets them wrap around her finger so she can continue to play with them. She kisses and licks on the sensitive tendrils just as you use to when you didn’t have your own kuru.
You don’t want to believe that you were this cruel in your teasing, but you know the truth. Neytiri is being nice. At least she isn’t teasing your kuru somewhere you can’t take her somewhere private to have some fun.
You’re so distracted by Neytiri’s teasing that you fail to notice that Jake has removed your top until he takes one of your nipples in his mouth. Your back arches causing more of your chest to go into his mouth.
“Ah! MaJake! MaNeytiri!” You barely gasp out just before she captures your lips in a passionate kiss, still playing with your kuru. You feel every kiss and bite Jake is leaving on your breasts You’re sure you’ll be covered in hickeys and bite marks by the time they’re done with you. Surely you’ll be able to borrow one of Kiri’s shawls to cover them up.
Neytiri finally releases your lips but not before biting them one last time. “MaJake, our little mate smells like those tawtute machines, I think we should change that.” Jake releases your budding nipple with a loud pop. “I think she should smell like us.” Jake says looking at you with intense eye contact.
Yeah… your wish of covering their marks with a shawl has gone out the window. You know that they’re going to want to show them off to the entire clan.
Your mates immediately begin to scent you. Rubbing their faces and pulse points all around you. They’ve done this set countless times, but this is the first time you’re able to actually smell the pheromones they’re releasing. You can’t believe this smell was something that you used to find unpleasant as a human. But now, the scent is both comforting and arousing.
“P-please.” You plead as you reach for their kurus, hoping that they’ll understand what you want. “Tell us exactly what you want baby.” Jake says in-between littering your jawline with kisses. You look up at Neytiri with wide eyes hoping she’ll just do what you want, but the smirk on her face tells you that she won’t.
“Tsaheylu.”
“You want to make tsaheylu, maSyulang?” You just nod, not able to find the strength to speak more. Neytiri giggles at your inability to speak even though they’ve barely started. “I want to hear you say it.”
“I want to make tsaheylu—with you both.” You manage to breathe out. Jake plants a wet kiss just above your navel, chuckling to himself. “You’re so greedy baby, tsaheylu with us both at the same time.” His finger tips are gently tracing the stripes on your sides and you try to wiggle away from his teasing touch. “Please MaJake. I want you both.” You whine.
You think Jake is finally going to give into what you want when you feel him reach behind you to grab your kuru. But you look at him confused when he doesn’t grab his own and instead holds it towards Neytiri. “Why don’t you get our flower ready for me; I want to watch you both have fun.”
You try to reach for Jake’s hand but he dodges you. “I want you both!” You whine like a petulant child. Neytiri reaches behind her to grab her own kuru. “MaSyulang, you haven’t made tsaheylu in years. It’ll be too overwhelming to make tsaheylu with us both immediately.”
“I don’t care. I want to feel you both.”
Jake gives you a warning nip on your ear to reprimand you for your whining. “If you keep acting like a brat then we’ll stop. Is that what you want?” You whine out a small no. “Good. Now be good for Neytiri while she makes you feel good.”
And with that Jake sits back with his legs spread giving you a mouth watering view of his thick thighs basking in the morning sun. Thank Eywa for his human DNA bulking him up over the years.
You let out a sharp gasp when you feel Neytiri tug on your hair, jealous that all of your attention is on Jake instead of her. “I want your eyes on me my love. I’m going to be the one making you feel good. Our dear husband is going to watch.” Neytiri moves you so you’re now sitting on her lap with your thighs positioned on her sides. Her hands are cupping your exposed ass, you don’t know if it’s in your head but you feel like her hands are making their way towards the base of your tail. You wrap your arms around her neck and lean in for a kiss to which she reciprocates. As your lips dance, your hands make their way to your wife’s kuru. “MaTiri, tsaheylu…please.”
You feel Neytiri smile in your kiss as she reaches for your kuru. The two of you briefly break your kiss so you can watch the little tendrils in your kuru reach for each other. The moment you’re connected, you’re immediately overwhelmed. Making tsaheylu with your wife is so much different than making it with your ikran.
Externally Neytiri looked composed and put together. But the moment that you made tsaheylu you know that she’s anything but composed. She wants to devour you.
And you’ll let her.
“Oel ngati kameie.”
Neytiri whispers before capturing your lips once more. Her hands start guiding your hips to grind on her lap. The thin fabric of your tewng is doing absolutely nothing to shield your aching clit from your mate’s firm thigh. Every gasp and moan you let up is quickly eaten by Neytiri. One hand is kneading your ass while the other is toying with your tail that’s swaying behind you lethargically.
Each grind against her thigh sends small volts of electricity up your spine. They’ve barely touched you and yet you can feel your tewng molding to the shape of your pussy from how wet you’re becoming. Neytiri wraps your tail around her hand and tugs on it in rhythm of your hips. Anytime you stop or slow down because of the pleasure she pulls harder. “MaSyulang.” One kiss. “You’re already so wet.” Another kiss. “You smell so good.” Another kiss.
Neytiri leans down to rub her face in-between your exposed breasts. It’s not long before her mouth finds one of your nipples. You continue your grinding on her thigh, but your back starts to arch making it easier for her to suck on your budding nipple. “MaTiri, I want more.” You buck your hips harder and faster on her thigh. You’re sure there’s a trail of slick staining her thighs even though you’re wearing a tewng. It’s been months since you’ve felt the intimate touch of your mates, you’re so sensitive and needy. It’s been years since you’ve felt their touch in your Avatar body. You feel everything so much more in this body, especially with tsaheylu.
Neytiri switches to give your other nipple some attention. The hand massaging your ass leaves and starts toying with the strings of your tewng. But instead of removing it, her hand makes it’s way to the front. She slides the fabric to the side and her thumb flicks your clit. A smirk forms on her face as she feels just how wet you are. You’re lucky you’re already sitting on her lap because each flick of her clit is making you weak in the knees.
You slump down on Neytiri, your head resting in the crook on her neck. Your moans are music to Neytiri’s ears. Her ears flicker towards you so she can capture every single sound. “Lay down.” Your wife orders in the most gentle tone possible.
You listen and scramble off of Neytiri’s lap. Now that you’re laying on your back you remember that Jake is watching. You crane your head so you can see him better. He’s just staring, like a predator stalking its prey. His eyes never leave you both.
His tewng is no where to be seen. His legs are spread wide. He’s just playing with his slit. You’re not that far away from him and you can just see his slit is covered in his slick. You’re sure it’d take no effort to get his cock out. In fact, if his hand wasn’t in the way you’re sure his cock would fall out on its own.
Out of no where a loud moan escapes your body and your eyes roll in the back of your head when you feel Neytiri lick you from hole to clit.
“I told you that I want your eyes on me.” She muffles before diving back in. Your hands shoot for her hair to grab onto her braids. There’s no part of your cunt that her tongue misses. She’s devouring you. She’s not shy about the noises she’s making between your legs. Her lips are covered in your slick. At this point you don’t know if you’re wet from your own slick or from Neytiri’s spit. You’re struggling to keep your thighs spread wide. They’re trembling so much already and it’s taking everything out of you to not shut them around Neytiri’s head. Each harsh suck on your sensitive clit releases a wanton moan from you. You’re clenching around nothing. You feel so good. But you want more.
“You taste so good my love.” The entire time Neytiri’s eyes never leave you. She’s taking in every reaction. Every moan. Every shaky breath. Everything. She misses nothing.
Her finger toys with your clenching cunt. Gently trancing around your hole but never going in. “Do you want to be filled?” Neytiri teases and you whine out a pathetic “please.” She gives you another harsh suck on your clit as she slowly sinks one lithe finger into your awaiting hole. “You’re so tight , maSyulang. Maybe even tighter than your tawtute hole.” The hand not creeping its way inside of you is forcefully keeping your thighs wide open so she can see every single inch of you. “Our dear husband is going to have a hard time going in you if I don’t open you up.”
Without warning she quickly pulls her finger out of your pussy; making you whine at the loss. She sits up just a little bit so you can see her lewdly suck her finger that’s covered in your juices. “Sweeter than the sweetest nectar.” Is all she says before she dives down between your legs once more. Your back keeps arching erratically. You’d never tell them this, but between your mates, Neytiri is the better pussy eater. Jake isn’t bad by any means; but Neytiri reduces you to a whiny wiggly mess the quickest. Maybe it’s because she knows her way around a pussy since she has one herself, but she always leaves you breathless.
She doesn’t give you any warning before diving two fingers into your depths. Your back arches so much off the ground that you can see Jake once more. His cock is finally out. But instead of furiously jacking off like you expected, he’s slowly stroking himself from base to tip, spreading slick and precum all over himself. It’s like he’s stoking himself to the rhythm of the wind.
A thought hits you like a bag of bricks. There’s no longer a huge size difference between you and Jake. For once you can suck him off. You don’t have to worry about suffocating. He’d actually fit in your mouth. Just the thought of it has you licking your lips at the sight of his precum dripping from his tip.
Another moan is ripped out of you suddenly when Neytiri decides to curl her two fingers inside of you. “Am I not pleasuring you good enough?” She nips on your inner thigh. “You keep looking at Jake.” You whip your head back to Neytiri and move one of her braids from her face. “Y-you’re doing so good my love. I just want you both.”
She hoists one of your thighs up to rest on her shoulder. “If you want us both then you must cum.” Neytiri curls her fingers inside of you like she’s on a mission to make you cum as soon as possible. Her mouth finds its way back to your clit. You know you’re close. Your hips start unintentionally bucking up into her mouth.
One of your hands leave her braids and makes its way to one of your nipples. You gently tug on it in tandem with Neytiri’s sucks.
Neytiri knows that you’re close as well. You keep clenching on her fingers. And the scent of your arousal is getting stronger with each passing second. “Cum for me, maSyulang.”
The floodgates open as if your body was holding off your orgasm until Neytiri gave the command. The pleasure hits you so hard that sound fails to escape your mouth. Your mouth is left wide open as your hand tightens on Neytiri’s hair.
Your wife doesn’t let up on her sucking or thrusting. She keeps going with the same level of vigor as before your orgasm. You’re quickly becoming overstimulated and sensitive so you try to pull her head away from your cunt. She eventually takes the hint but not before giving you one last lick.
You’re left breathless; just staring up at the clouds as you attempt to catch your breath. Neytiri lets go of your thigh and decides to lay right next to you on the grass. Her mouth is shiny from your slick. A mischievous grin is planted on her face as she provocatively licks your cum off her face.
“Let me have a taste.” Jake comes to you both and gently guides Neytiri’s face to his so he can give her a short but heated kiss. When Neytiri pulls away from him you can see a thin translucent string of their spit still connecting them. “Why don’t you get it from the source?” Neytiri asks while caressing your inner thigh. Jake turns his attention to you, his hand creeping up your thighs until he can pull you closer to him so your thighs.
“If I go to the source, I’m not getting back up.”
It isn’t a threat; it’s a promise.
You sit up a little just so you can trail your fingers across his broad chest. You make a mental note of all of the tahnì that litter his body. You stop when you reach the base of his dick. He’s already throbbing. You know he’s just as impatient as you. “MaJake, I want you.”
These four words seem to have broken the last bit of resolve in Jake because he immediately begins to line his cock with your hole. “You asked for it, baby.” The first little thrust was weird. You’ve gotten so used to feeling so full from just his tip that not feeling that sensation immediately is jarring.
“Fuck— how are you still so big?” You moan out as Jake continues to slide in; inch by inch. Your words have stroked his ego because his tail sways with pride and he squares his shoulders. Little did you know that his size was something he was worried about. For the vast majority of your relationship he filled you to the brim. But now you were the same size as him, he worried that he wouldn’t be able to satisfy you as well as he used to; so hearing you say that he’s still big is an ego boost.
Neytiri leans over you and rests her palm on the little bump forming in your lower belly where Jack is residing. “He’s almost all the way in, maSyulang.” She presses a kiss on your forehead and her other hand sneaks up to toy with one of your nipples. It’s not long before Jake bottoms out inside of you. Now that he’s all the way in, you can’t understand how you used to have sex with him as a human. You’re so full but you still want more.
“Tsaheylu, Jake.” You reach out for your kuru and lift it up to him. He’s had enough of teasing you and reaches for his kuru. The moment you connect leaves your eyes wide open. Sure you feel his arousal, but you feel more than that. You feel his fear. His fear of seeing your limp and unconscious body.
His fear of losing you.
Jake has never been one to express his emotions. It’s like pulling teeth to get him to speak about what he feels. It’s the marine in him. He compartmentalizes and shuts down his emotions. It’s something you’ve argued about for your entire relationship. But he can’t hid with tsaheylu. When you’re connected, it’s like he’s an open book. Your eyes tear up as you feel Jake’s true emotions. Your arms wrap around his neck and you pull him towards your chest. You litter his face with gentle kisses as you whisper sweet nothings.
“It’s okay Jake. I’m okay. Eywa has provided.” You reassure him as you clasp onto one of his hands and place it over your heart so he can feel it beat in your chest. “I’m not going anywhere.” You don’t see it, but you feel a lone tear drop onto your chest.
“I love you so much.” Jake whispers before beginning to thrust into you. He chants ‘I love you’s’ like a pray, timing it with his thrusts. He’s going slow like he’s afraid that this will all end too quickly. You keep him close as you enjoy the feeling of him inside you with the occasional gasp leaving your mouth.
Neytiri is watching you and Jake with a hand sneaking down to her dripping pussy. Jake takes notice and maneuvers you both so you’re now on top of him. He guides Neytiri so she can sit on his face. Mumbling something about ‘a man takes care of his ladies’ before latching onto her clit. Neytiri is thrown into blissful pleasure that she doesn’t notice you guiding her kuru towards yours and Jake’s. You wanted tsaheylu with both your mates just like the night you first mated and dammit you’re getting tsaheylu with them both by any means necessary. It’s not like they’re in the mood to complain about you impatience. You’re alto absorbed in your pleasure to care.
Jake is a man of many talents. But if you ask him his best talent is his ability to simultaneously please both his women and make them cum first. He’s lapping up Neytiri’s cunt while thrusting into you. You know you’re close. And your mates know you’re close. Neytiri’s fingers find your clit so she can help coax your orgasm out and Jake keeps his pace steady.
“I-I’m gonna cum.” You gasp as you lean into Neytiri’s touch. Neytiri leaves a path of kisses from your breasts to your lips before whispering “then cum” against your lips. Your body listens to Neytiri like it knows she’s the gatekeeper of your pleasure. Your mates don’t stop their ministrations, wanting to make sure to draw out your pleasure for as long as possible.
Being the gentleman he is, Jake is trying to hold off his orgasm until Neytiri has hers but you’re making it so hard. You keep gripping him like a vice; constantly clenching him as you ride through your orgasm. He’s determined to hold off until Neytiri cums.
Even through your own gasps and moans you can hear Jake muttering between Neytiri’s legs, practically begging for her to cum. You take pity on the man and help him bring Neytiri close to the end by frantically running on her clit. It’s not entirely because you feel bad for Jake. It’s mostly because you’re quickly getting too sensitive and you know that Jake isn’t going to stop until he’s cum; and he won’t cum until Neytiri does. After sixteen years of nonuse, you lack the stamina you used to have; butt you know you’ll get it back in no time.
You know Neytiri is getting close as she slumps down on you, her moans are like a song you’ll keep on repeat. Jake’s thrusts are getting erratic; you know he’s on borrowed time. A free hand reaches for your wife’s nipple as you lean close to her ear to bite it. “Cum for me maTiri. You look so pretty when you cum.” You whisper seductively into her ear. You know she’s trying to resist when her ear attempts to flick away from you. She pulls away from you and you can see a devilish look painting he face. “Only if you cum with me.”
Soon a battle of pleasure begins. The both of you are groping each other and playing either each other’s clits while you’re in a heated make out session. Jake is going in on Neytiri’s cunt. You’re sure his lower face is covered in her slick; you know he wouldn’t have it any other way. He always says that he loves to smell you both even when your pussies are no longer on him.
Yow know Neytiri is close when she starts to hump Jake’s tongue. She’s moaning so much into your mouth. She’s determined to make you cum again before her as her pace on your clit increases; but she fails at her task.
Who needs movies when you can watch Neytiri cum. It’s a rare moment of pure vulnerability that only you and Jake are privy to. Slumped over, pleasure coursing through her veins, succumbing to what Jake gives her.
Jake isn’t fairing much better either; almost immediately after Neytiri cums, you feel Jake’s cock twitch as he releases inside of you; painting your interiors a bioluminescent pale blue shade.
Jake’s own orgasm triggers your second one. It’s much more intense than your first one; probably because you never left the high of your first orgasm. Your body shakes as the pleasure hits you like an angry ‘angtsìk. You have to grip onto Jake’s thigh to stable yourself as a chorus of moans spill from your open lips.
You don’t know what happened but the next thing you know, you’re cuddled up on Jake’s side as Neytiri is doing the same on his other end. His hands are resting on your upper thigh, just tracing meaningless patterns and shapes on it. You missed cuddling next to your husband. You haven’t done so in months. Now that you’re permanently in your Avatar, you’ll have to use all your spare time to make up for the missed cuddles.
The three of you lay on the grass in comfortable silence; panting as you catch your breaths. The thick smell of sex is permeated through the air. You’re all shiny from a mix of sweat and cum. You can even feel the remnants of Jake’s orgasm sneaking past your folds. You want to stay like this forever, but you know you’ll eventually have to break tsaheylu and go back to camp; but for now you’ll enjoy this little moment of peace.
“Before we go back, there’s something I want to discuss with you both.” That catches your attention. You weren’t expecting him to say something so ominous. “What is it, maJake?” Neytiri asking, not bothering moving out of the crook of his neck and opening her eyes.
“It is about Spider—”
You have a bad feeling about this.
“I think he should stay at High Camp while we go back to Awa’atlu.” Jake continues. Your eyes are now wide open. The little moment of peace you were enjoying has quickly evaporated. “I agree.” Neytiri agrees as if it is the most obvious thing ever. You sit up straight to look at your mates in disbelief. Confusion is completely etched on your face.
“We can’t leave him, the children will never agree to that.” You try to protest but you voice falls flat towards the end. Jake sits up and wraps his arms around you. “They’ll understand eventually. It’s safe for him in High Camp.” He rubs your shoulder to try to soothe you, you appreciate the attempt but it still doesn’t make you feel better. Neytiri comes up and rests a hand on your knee. “He will be with the other tawtute, they will care for him.”
“He has all he needs at camp. He has air and food he can actually eat. It’s best if he stays here.” Jake makes sense so you try to push back the nagging feeling in your gut. “I guess so.” Jake accepts your reluctant agreement and presses a kiss on your temple. “Thank you, baby. You purse your lips into a thin line and decide to stand up; gentle separating your connected kurus so you can get dressed before heading to your ikran. “We should hurry back, I’m sure the kids are wondering where we are.”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Personally you didn’t fully agree with making Spider stay at High Camp. You know that Spider much prefers to be around your children. Even though he was born human, he’s Na’vi in all the ways that mattered. But you know that logically it’s too dangerous for him to stay in Awa’atlu. Sure he is a bit reckless in changing his masks on time, but you know how to clean the filters and you can just nag him enough so he’ll just change them. The real problem is that the RDA knows that you’re staying with one of the Ocean clans. The thought of them getting their hands on Spider is terrifying but also the thought of abandoning him when you know that he sees you all as family is heartbreaking.
Sensing the unease you’re experiencing as you walk towards your marui, Jake intertwines his hand with yours. “It’ll be okay, baby. This is the best for him.” He attempts to reassure but you can’t seem to suppress this feeling in you.
As you approach your marui you can hear the sound of all of your children giggling and playing with each other, Spider included. The scene tugs at your heartstrings. They’re all running around, having fun, and just enjoying each others company; the thought of breaking this up is nerve-wracking.
Neteyam is the first one to notice you. He has a wide smile on his face when he sees you. “Sa’nu! Come look what Spider found!” The other kids immediately swarm you and Spider hands you an old photo.
Your heart immediately melts when you realize what it is. It’s a photo a month into Jake’s time on Pandora. You both had goofy smiles on your face, you looked like people who knew each other their entire lives and were having the best time ever. The other scientists were just starting to warm up to Jake after he was accepted by the Omatikaya, but you were the closest to him. Whether it was because you were the only people around the same age in the Avatar program or if it was Eywa bringing you two together, you can’t say. That day you found an old polaroid camera hidden in a storage room and you decided to take photos of everything you cared about. And by things you cared about, you meant Jake. He didm’t understand why you wanted to take photos on that camera when the holo-screens worked just fine, but he humored you. You remember taking so many photos with Jake that day.
You thought all of the photos were destroyed when the RDA retook Hell’s Gate. You can’t stop the tear that forms in your eye as you look at this surviving photo.
Spider starts getting antsy fearing that he’s done something wrong by finding that photo. “Are you okay Y/N?” He asks in an uncharacteristically nervous tone. You bend down and bring him into a big hug, being mindful of your new strength. “Thank you, Spider. You don’t know how much this photo means to me.”
Behind you, Neytiri nudges Jake with his tail; reminding him about what needs to be talked about. Jake clears his throat. “Alright everyone, come in and take a knee.” Seeing the photo made you forget what you came into the marui to do. You reluctantly let go of Spider and kneel with your mates. You don’t look at your children. instead you decide to stare at the photo.
“We need to head back to Awa’atlu soon.” Jake scans his children before looking at Spider. “You’ll need to stay here.” Immediately the room erupts into chaos. The children begin protesting at the decision.
“We can’t just leave Spider!” Lo’ak shouts.
“Please Jake, Mrs. Sully, Y/N. You know I won’t cause any trouble. Please let me come with you.” Hearing Spider beg is starting to break your resolve on staying quiet. “You can’t live in a mask day and night, Spider. It’s safer for you here.” Jake retorts.
“Sa’nu, you stayed on Awa’atlu with a mask. Why can’t Spider?” Neteyam brings you into the conversation. You chew on your inner lip before speaking. “The mask isn’t the main problem. It’s the RDA. They know we’ll be staying with an Ocean clan. The RDA can roam the ocean with no problem, but they can’t get to High Camp.” You look directly at Spider.
“But we can protect him. Dad always says that Sully’s stick together.” Kiri retorts.
“Spider is not a Sully, Kiri.” Neytiri responds.
“You understand why you need to stay here, right?” Jake tries to reach to touch Spiders shoulder but he’s prevented from doing so by Spider shrugging him off and storming away, muttering under his breath about this being bullshit. The other children follow suit, Tuk even hisses at you all. The guilt is eating you. You can’t decide this truly is the best decision. Jake attempts to go after them but you hold onto his hand to stop him. “Let them cool off first. Nothing productive will happen when emotions are high.”
Just as you finish speaking you hear a horn blare letting you know someone has arrived. The three of you exit the marui and realize that the Wind Traders have arrived. The children have always loved when the Wind Traders visited. Hearing all of the stories and seeing all of the Na’vi goods from all across Pandora is one of their favorite activities. The Tlalim always made good company and you loved to trade plants with them.
Even when the market is in full swing, you still can’t help but think about the Spider situation. Is he really safe here? The whole reason Jake moved the Omatikaya to High Camp was because the RDA could not get there because they would activate Eywa’s immune response. What if the RDA has more soldiers that can bypass Eywa’s Defense? What is stopping the RDA from making more Quaritch’s and just sneaking into High Camp to kidnap Spider?
“Hey baby, I found this merchant that had some Aranahe clothes, I think you’ll really like this top. It’s your favorite color!” Jake walks up to you with a bright smile holding up a traditional and ornate Aranahe top. If the Na’vi used money you’re sure it would've cost an arm and a leg. But you’re sure being Toruk Makto gave him some kind of deal. As he approaches you his smile disappears when he notices the solemn look painting your face. “What’s wrong!”
“I think Spider should come with us!” You blurt out and Jake’s eyes go wide.”Where’s this coming from? I thought you agreed that him staying here is the best option.” You sigh and look at the ground. “It was a reluctant agreement and you know it.”
Jake lifts your chin up so you can look at each other. “I want to hear what you truly think. I don’t want to be the only one deciding things for our family.” He holds onto your hands and has the most sincere look you’ve seen on him in a while. “Please talk to me baby.”
“We initially thought that he’d be safer at High Camp because Eywa is protecting us here. But the RDA may still have soldiers who can bypass Eywa’s defense. What if they come and kidnaps Spider while we’re gone? If he was with us on Awa’atlu at least we’ll be able to protect him.”
Jake ponders your statement for a moment before responding. “But what about his mask?” “I’d be a hypocrite if I said he couldn’t. Trust me, the annoyance of wearing a mask is well worth it if it means you can be with the ones you love.” Jake still looks reluctant but you can feel like he’s genuinely thinking over what you’ve said. “He can pack a bunch of spares. Plus I know how to properly clean the filters and I can teach him how to.” You feel yourself starting to ramble. “I just think that it’ll mean a lot to the kids if we go through all of our options first.”
Jake doesn’t say much at first; he just nods as you speak as if he’s really thinking this over. “I appreciate you telling me how you feel. I’ll talk with Neytiri and we’ll come back to you.” Jake gives you a peck on the lips before walking off to find your other mate. Instead of enjoying the market like you normally would, you instead opt to watch from your spot on a nearby boulder. You’re sure the children are still upset and you don’t want to risk getting their hopes up by accidentally letting them know what you’re thinking about; so you choose to stay by yourself. As you wait for Jake to return, you look down at the top he got you.
It truly is a work of art. Although the Aranahe are also forest Na’vi, their clothing Is very different compared to the Omatikaya. By human standards the clothing of the Omatikaya is more like jewelry, but Aranahe clothing looks more like clothes to humans; even though you know that the Aranahe treat clothes like accessories and not for modesty. Still, it’s nice to have more covering clothes so you quickly put the top on. Even though you’re now in your Avatar body, you’d still rather more covering Na’vi clothes, over a decade of human modesty isn’t going away in a night. You’re sure Kiri and Neytiri are going to work together to get you to feel comfortable in Omatikaya clothing again.
When you lift up the top to put it on something falls out. A throat comm. You hadn’t thought about getting one, but it makes sense; your old one won’t fit anymore, you’re now the size of a full grown Na’vi. Jake is always so attentive when it comes to things like this. It’s one reason why you love him.
It’s not long before Jake calls another family meeting. You don’t know exactly what him and Neytiri talked about, but you’ll support whatever decision they made. You just hope they at least considered your perspective.
The kids are still upset. You could cut the tension with a knife.
“Your mothers and I have come to a decision. And it’s not up for discussion or negotiation.” Jake begins to speak. You can see Lo’ak getting ready to protest but you shoot him a look to tell him to stop while he’s ahead. Jake looks directly at Spider. “Spider can come with us—“
The children immediately begin to cheer and hug each other. “Quiet down, your father isn’t done speaking.” Neytiri gently reprimands the kids.
“Spider can come, but only if he proves he can be responsible with his mask changes. Peylak has agreed to let us tag along with his caravan as they make their way to the Ocean Clans. If there aren’t any mask mishaps or behavior issues…” Jake looks at Lo’ak when he emphasizes behavior issues. “Then I’ll do my best to convince Tonowari and Ronal to let Spider stay on Awa’atlu.”
“Thank you Jake!” Spider yells excitedly.
“Don’t thank me, Y/N is the one who vouched for you.” Jake motions towards you. In the blink of an eye you feel Spider hug you. It’s weird not feeling his arms wrap all the way around you. “Thank you, Y/N.” Spider says so softly, you’re sure you’re the only one who can hear it.
“Come on Monkey Boy! You have to hurry and pack!” Kiri grabs Spider by the hand and drags him off. The other children bum-rush you and all hug you. “Thank you, sa’nu.” Tuk says softly “Go help Spider pack. Make sure he brings all the spare masks he can.” You usher the children off to where Kiri and Spider are.
You turn to Jake and Neytiri and give them both a kiss, whispering a soft thank you as you do so. “How did you get Peylak to agree to let us come? The Tlalim are usually cautious of new comers so it doesn’t look like they’re picking sides.”
Jake takes your hands into his own, just wanting to feel your skin on his. “The Mangkwan raiders have been more aggressive lately. So me and Neytiri are going to act as scouts and protect the caravan if need be.”
Your eyes go wide at the mention of the Mangkwan. You’ve been lucky to never see one in person. But you’ve heard stories about their brutality and their open hate of Eywa and all other Na’vi. They kill needlessly and even cut off the kuru’s of their victims. You’ve even heard rumors of them using Na’vi skulls as drinking cups.
“I will fly with you.” You say decisively.
Neytiri comes up to your side with worry in her eyes. “MaSyulang, you just got your dreamwalker body back. You haven’t trained in this body in a while.” She doesn’t say exactly what she’s thinking, but you know exactly what she’s implying. “Baby, it’s too dangerous. You should stay with the children if anything were to happen.” You groan at their protests.
“Jake, you know I’m better at long distance and aerial combat than you!”
“You haven’t flown in 16 years, baby!”
Sure they have a point, but you’re no longer physically human. You haven’t completely forgotten how to fight. You’re tired of being a damsel in distress. You want to protect your family. You need to protect them.
“MaSyulang, you do not even have a bow to fight with.” You look at Neytiri in disbelief. “Do you both think I don’t know you hid my bow after the accident?”
Jake walks up to you and gently wraps his hands around your upper arms. “Baby, please stay with the children.” You don’t feel like arguing so you cave, just a little bit. “Get my bow. I cannot protect the children weaponless and I don’t want to use guns.” Jake takes this as somewhat of a win and goes to find your bow.
“I know how hard this is on you maSyulang. But thank you for agreeing.” Neytiri gives you a peck on the cheek. “I promise that I will help you adjust to being Na’vi again.” A faint smile paints your face as Neytiri attempts to reassure you. “I had the best karyu on Pandora. I have not forgotten.”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
Saying goodbye to everyone was much harder compared to the first time you did. You chalk it up to the fact that you were worried about your daughter being unconscious after having a seizure underwater.
“Ma’itetsyìp, take care of yourself. You are still getting used to your body.” Mo’at says. “I’m now taller than you, Tsahìk. I don’t know if ‘itetsyìp is an appropriate nickname for me now.” You joke, holding back the tears forming. Mo’at has always been there for you and she feels more like a mother than a mother-in-law.
“Nonsense child, you will forever be my ‘itetsyìp.” Mo’at hands you a vial of liquid. “This is very potent. Take only a little bit with hot water every week before you sleep.” You look at the bottle of brown liquid with a strange look on your face. “What is it?”
“It will allow you to enjoy intimacy with your mates without worrying about a seed being planted in you.” Mo’at says mater of factly. It embarrasses you just a little for your mother in law to hand you birth control she likely made after catching you sneaking off this morning. Mo’at senses your unease and speaks once more. “Unless you are ready to expand your already large family even though the Sky People have returned.”
“No-no it’s not that. I just wasn’t expecting this.” You pull Mo’at into a hug. “Thank you Tsahìk.” When you pull away you see a familiar glint in her eye, one you’ve noticed in Neytiri countless times. “Although I would not be opposed to more grandchildren in the future.” Mo’at leaves you stunned as she walks away to say her final goodbyes to her grandchildren.
It’s not long before you’re on board the Tlalim’s airship. It’s amazing watching how they work together to get their ships moving. The way trust they have in each other and the creatures that carry them is awe inspiring.
“Sa’nu.” Neteyam calls out to you. He’s carrying something but you pay more attention to the bandages that wrap around his chest. You thank Eywa that your eldest son is alive but it pains you to know that your son had to go through that. To be shot by some son of a bitch who’s supposed to be nothing but long forgotten bones.
“What is it ma’itan?” You ask, pushing away the thoughts of that monster. “It’ll be windy, you should wear this.” He hands you his shawl, you take it but instead of putting it on yourself, you put it on Neteyam. “Thank you Teyam, but I should be the one looking after you.” You adjust the shawl more than necessary. “How is you wound?”
“It’s still a little sore. Grandmother changed the bandages before we left. She’s also forbidden me from riding Vamì until Ronal gives me permission.” His ears fall down when he mentions that. You know how much he loves to fly with Vamì especially with Lo’ak. “You are strong ma’itan. You’ll recover soon.” Your hands reach up to cup his cheeks. You don’t know when you’ll get used to your hands not being dwarfed by his face. “But in the mean time, you will be with me and I’ll tend to you.” Neteyam smiles and pulls you into a hug. “I’m so happy you’re okay, mom.” His little declaration makes you tear up a little and you hug him tight but still being mindful of his wounds.
A few hours into your journey you’re watching Kiri, Tuk, and Spider dance with one of the Tlalim as Neteyam sleeps on your shoulder; the medicine Mo’at made to help with his pain makes him drowsy. It is cute seeing your baby boy sleeping comfortably on you even though he’s done it so many times.
In the corner of your eye you see Jake and Lo’ak perch their ikrans onto the side of the airship. You can’t quite make out what they’re doing but it appears to look like they’re arguing with each other. They’re so much alike, you hate to see them arguing so much. It’s not long before Jake flys off once more to patrol the sky as Lo’ak storms off. You manage to flag him over. He’s clearly annoyed.
“What is wrong, Lo’ak?” When Lo’ak doesn’t answer quick enough you give him a look to let him know that you’re not dropping this anytime soon. “It is dad.” He says curtly like that’ll be a satisfactory answer. “I know it has to do with him but what exactly happened.” He sighs heavily before responding.
“He’s always on my ass—”
“Language, Lo’ak.”
“He won’t let me fly with him!” The boy immediately begins to rant. “He’s acting like I can’t be trusted with a gun to help protect us! I’m a warrior too!” You let his rant go on for a little bit before you notice something missing from his neck.
“Lo’ak, where are your comms?” You ask gently after his rant. His fingers instinctively go towards his neck and he scoffs as he rolls his eyes. You understand now. That little argument you saw must have been over his comms.
You motion for Lo’ak to sit next to you, careful not to wake Neteyam. “It’s not that you’re untrustworthy Lo’ak.” You free hand goes to rub his back. “You may have completed your iknimaya but when you forget something as simple as your comms; it lets us know that you’re not ready for that responsibility. We’re your parents and your father does his all to keep this family safe.” Lo’ak avoids making eye contact but you know that he’s still listening. “When you can show to us that you can remember simple tasks without reminders, your father will be more willing to let you do the things you want to.”
You know Lo’ak still isn’t happy about the situation, but talking with you helps him calm down. “Now go dance with your sisters.” You send him off, but not before yelling; “Don’t forget to put on your comms!”
Traveling on the Tlalim’s airship is very different from flying on an ikran. For once you’re not having to pay much attention while up in the air. You can just relax as you watch your children and cuddle with your eldest son.
You never got to experience anything like this. You’ve only ever ridden mag-lev trains on Earth since air travel became a luxury only for the wealthy. And when you came to Pandora you were in cryosleep which you obviously asleep for.
The only way you can describe the moment is peaceful. Even when the airships have to slow down and squeeze through the tight passages you still felt peace. This is the way of life for the Tlalim. They’re experts, you wholeheartedly trust them. Your peace was quickly shattered when you hear Neytiri shout over the comms.
“Mangkwan!”
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
A/N: I'm so happy to have finally finished the first chapter of Ashes in the Sea! I saw Fire and Ash twice already (I'll probably go see it more) just so I could write this series~ I have so many ideas and I can't wait to write them.
Also fair warning that this series is going to have darker themes compared to From the Forest to the Sea but as always I will put content warnings for each chapter.
After making you guys wait so long I’m proud to announce that I’m almost done with the first chapter of Ashes in the Sea!!!!
It’s already 8k words but I still have a few more scenes to write. I’m hoping to finish sometime this week. Hopefully you guys think it was worth the wait~
Oel Ngati Kameie @pinkpeonyabyss - Tumblr Blog | Tumgag
