The Road to Nintendo Powerfest '94

[pippingamer]

Numbers are my friends ... most of them.

Sorry for the missed blog post yesterday, but it’s hard to get back into a routine. I have news, though, so here I am :)

I have hit another milestone! I have dropped below 240 (which I mentioned last week) but more impressive than that is the fact that I have lost another pant size and am now wearing pants that are same size that I graduated in. High School graduation, that is. I’m in a 38 pants!

I couldn’t believe it! I got tired of dressing like I had to dress myself in what I could find, and made the move to buy more clothes. I actually went into a dressing room people! I FIT in a dressing room! You know you were big when you had to try on dressing rooms before you tried on clothes. Most of the time, to avoid embarrassment, I would just buy clothes I KNEW would fit, and just got home. But NOW I could be picky!

I got 2 shirts, a new belt, a pair of shorts, and 2 pairs of jeans! *and yeah, I TOTALLY fashionista’d in front of the full body mirror*

SEXY!

I feel great! I’m kinda stuck at 238, but I’m still losing inches and pounds! 

I have to reiterate that, while this surgery is definitely not for everyone, this having this surgery has been the greatest decision in my life, other than saying “I love Jesus.”, “I do”, and “OK lets have a kid.” Other than the Big 3 there, having this surgery is tops!

I feel so GOOD: Physically, mentally and my self esteem ... well ... I have some! This is new. I actually think I look ... pretty good for 39. Then again, I have 39 years of other me to compare it to, so the bar is pretty low. 

Mechacon is in 2 weeks and I CAN’T WAIT! So many things going on in the next month. More updates as they are available. Until then, CARRY ONE!

HW: 356 lbs.

SW: 346 lbs.

CW: 238 lbs.

WL: 118 lbs.

GW: 230 lbs.

[pippingamer]

I’m Not Dead! I’m Getting Betta!

Have you ever had something in your life that you thought would never, EVER, fall to the wayside of your conscious day? Yeah ... about that.

My blog posting has been a big part of my weight loss experience, and I kinda let it go because I had so many other things to do. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still trying to lose weight. In all the words in that last sentence, “trying” is the most vital. It has become increasingly difficult to find time to exercise, but Jammie and I are starting a spin class at the gym today, so we hope to remedy that very soon.

Finances has been the word-of-the-month lately as I was told that my current employment holds no illusions of advancement for at least the next year. This has brought the wife and I to a difficult and unsettling crossroad. To quote the Clash - “Do I Stay or Do I Go.”

NOT FROM MY MARRIAGE! (put down the torch and pitchforks) If I had wanted to end that particular vow before an Almighty God, I would have picked a much more opportune time somewhere around 20 years ago.

No, the going to which I refer, is as a family, do we stay where we are that is uncomfortable but partially safe, or do we attempt to uproot in search of, if not greener fields, than at least different fields. To complicate the matter, Jammie has developed a case of Repetitive Stress Disorder on her shoulder from working at Delphi. Doctors believe it will require surgery to fix properly. That requires insurance. That requires Jammie to be at Delphi. See the catch 22? Either way, we’re in prayer and God is moving. We just have to see where this goes.This in turn has given me a case of Repetitive Stressed Disorder. It’s a condition where you get stressed out by things you can’t control and you know God is in control of and the fact that you get stressed about it makes you stressed. 

My home-brew remedy for Repetitive Stressed Disorder USED to be a call to Domino’s, soft music, low light, and a iron will to leave an empty box. That was the OLD me, so the new me has had to find other means of stress relief. I finally got my hammock hung! This is a big deal, because my dear sister, Amanda, and my niece, Rebecca, gave me that hammock for Father’s Day ... 3 years ago. I’ve been too big and too lazy to hang it, until now. So I hung it, sat in it, and for a moment saw nothing but leaves and sky. Then I realized something profound ... it’s hot! So I rolled it back up and am waiting for cooler days to enjoy the view once again. 

Cutting the grass used to be a chore I despised, but now ... I make my son do it. He has turned 13 years old, which makes me that much older than I was ... ugh.

I’ve taken up some freelance work with a remarkable individual and his company. So that’s kept my free time limited even more than the full time job, part time job, 13 year old son, and ailing wife have. It’s good money, and they’re good people, so it works out :) 

But anyway, enough of “Whatcha Been Upta?” Let’s talk about the real reason behind these posts: my weight loss.

As of my last post, which was some time around 2 months ago BC, I weighed in at 255 lbs. WOOHOO!

I am happy to report that I have lost more weight. Not quite as dramatic as in previous months (see above for several listed excuses as to why) but I have continued to lose.

Today I weigh 239 lbs! 16 lbs down from the last post. I now wear a size 40 wasted pants and a 2x shirt. The 2x may be a mainstay of my closet arsenal because of the size of my shoulders. I’ve always been a bit ... broad. No matter. I’m happy :)

So there you have it, another post chocked full of weight losery and gastric goodness! Be in prayer for me and mine as we travel down roads so new that we’ve no idea where to even buy a map. And thanks for all the support. I do hope to start making these posts a recurring thing again, but time will tell.

Cya next time.

HW 356 lbs

SW 346 lbs

CW 239 lbs

WL 117 lbs

GW <230 lbs

[pippingamer]

And now back to your regularly scheduled program

Yes. I missed a week of blogging about my weight loss. Last Thursday found me in a not-so-pleasant place in my life, and blogging just seemed so foreign a thing to worry about that I skipped it. But I’m here today, and with good news!

I have officially lost ,,,

101 pounds!

Triple digits baby! WOOHOO!

I now weigh 255 pounds ... and I feel great!

I never in a million years believed that I would reach 100+ pounds lost. It truly has changed my life! And most of that is a good thing, but some of it is ... new to say it delicately.

For instance, yesterday I looked at my left hand and noticed a bit missing. My wedding ring had fallen off! Somewhere between work and home, my weight loss had shrunk my hand to a pre-nuptial state and gravity, upset that it could no longer claim 1/3 of me, claimed my wedding ring. God be praised, Jammie found it in the kitchen sink, but for a few hours there, I had a serious roller coaster of emotions! Yay for the weight loss, but WHOA WHERE’S MY RING!?

Also, some aspects of my previous life have tried rearing their thorny butts back into my day to day. Where I was going to the gym 4 times a week, we’ve stopped going almost all together. It’s gotten too expensive and we can’t afford it anymore. Instead we’ve taken up walking down the road to a local church. The trip covers a mile of distance, which is about the same workout we were getting at the gym, but recently, we’ve lacked the time or discipline to even leave the house. It’s this lethargy that has me stagnated at 255. My next goal is to reach 230 and I know it’s only going to get harder. Next week, my work schedule should clear up again, and I vow to myself and to my supporters that I will get my butt on the road, even if I have to drag it there.

But that’s next week. THIS WEEK! I LOST TRIPLE DIGITS! *screaming intensifies*

Cya next week!

HW: 356 pounds

CW: 255 pounds

WL: 101 Dalmations ... POUNDS! I mean pounds.

Next Goal: 230 pounds

[pippingamer]

1 List Down, but There’s Always Another List

Well.. it’s Thursday. Time to write another blog entry and hope my computer doesn’t crash ... again. This is normally where I would make some sort of funny remark leading into how much weight I have lost. And if you’re here for that ... then please accept my sincerest apologies. I am still 263 lbs. I’m just as shocked as you!

There are several reasons I have concocted in my head to excuse this weight stagnation, but they all boil down to “I’m eating healthy, but too much.” and “I’m not exercising enough.” There are some other minor reasons to go to as well, but they wouldn’t be considered reasons if I had fixed the first 2.

The good news is that I’ve dropped another pants size. I’m in 42′s now, which tells me that I am still losing weight, just in inches now. It’s less dramatic in my opinion, but it’s a sign that progress is not halted, just hindered.

In the wake of my first goal being fulfilled (the shirt was snug, but it was ON BABY!) I have decided to update my first list of goals for my weight loss. Here goes:

1. Not get winded when walking to Walmart from the car. CHECK!!

2. To jump on the trampoline with my son.  CHECK!!

3. To wipe my butt without throwing a rib muscle into spasms. (CHECK!!)

4. To be able to walk a 5k.  CHECK!!

5. To be able to RUN a 5k.

6. To be able to run.  CHECK!!

7. To be able to look down while peeing and it not appear to be coming from belly button.  CHECK!!

8. To get back in touch with my toes.  CHECK!!

9. For someone to not recognize me.  CHECK!!

That’s it for the old ones. My only goal to not reach so far is the Run a 5K. I must have been under the influence of some sort of cosmic being or hallucinogenic drug when I added that one ... but add it I did. So it stays. And here are the new ones to go with it:

1. Reach 230 or less pounds

2. Be in a less than 40″ pants size.

3. Be able to wear my Powerfest shirt in public.

4. To do a chin-up.

5. To be able to jog the 1/4 mile down the road to the church.

6. To be able to easily do 20 sit ups.

7. To be able to do 1 sit up (easily or otherwise)

I’m sure I’ll think of more as time goes by, but these are the big ones.

I’m so close to reaching that 100 Pounds Lost mark. 7 pounds left to lose! I’m gonna need all the prayer I can get, because these few pounds have been murder!

Jammie and I are considering joining a Boot Camp for weight loss. I’ll let you know how that goes.

Actual Footage ^^^

If I survive ... cya Thursday.

HW: 356 lbs

SW: 346 lbs

CW: 263 lbs

WL: 93 lbs

Goal: 230 lbs (and others listed above)

[pippingamer]

Red Queen Theory

In Lewis Carroll's Through the Looking-Glass, the Queen of Hearts is quoted saying “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place.“ In 1973, this quote was used to describe a theory of co-evolution among species by a man named Leigh Van Valen. He hypothesized that animals go extinct, not from faster evolution of competing species, but from the former species’ lack of evolution. In essence, according to Valen, all species evolve at the same rate, and they must keep evolving at the fastest rate possible just to maintain the balance with other competing species.

You have to run as fast as you can, just to stay where you are.

That’s my week in a nutshell.

I’ve been doing all I can to lose more weight (minus going to the gym due to an errant spider bite in my sons ear. No superpowers to report yet, but we’re still hopeful.) But it seems that some weeks go by with massive results, and some weeks just trudge along with no results, but I’m just as happy to have not gained weight.

And so you see me... I have lost no weight this week. I am still 265 which is great to me. I’m still 90 lbs lost and more to come I’m sure, but again, I have to keep going just as fast as I can just to stay where I am. This week will be better.

I have a very rigorous weekend of cleaning planned, which I hope will aid in my descent down the BMI ladder, with the by-product of actually cleaning the yard.

For those out there wondering about last Thursday’s post, well, there wasn’t one. There WAS one technically, but before I could press the Post button, my computer crashed and I lost an hour’s worth of typing. I was not inclined to give my computer the satisfaction of watching me type it all over again, so I decided to forgo my post in favor of waiting until now to post again. You may all receive a full refund for the lack of proper post schedule adherence.

Thursday’s post was also a bit too negative anyway. I had a man I respect very much approach me at the gym and ask me if I had lost weight, and was I dieting and exercising. I explained that I had had surgery, and he quickly withdrew from me. He cocked his head to the side and squinted in a “What a shame” kinda way. He left saying, “Well, at least you’re exercising.” Last week the wound was a bit fresh, but now it just seems like “Meh. If I had had the surgery to impress you, I would be upset, but I’m getting the results I wanted with or without your approval.”

So, next Thursday, I do hope to be able to tell you all how I’ve lost all this weight and I am back on track. Until then, though, I’ll have to just keep running as fast as I can just to stay where I am (which coincidentally is the premise behind a treadmill as well)

Cya!

HW: 356 lbs

SW: 346 lbs

CW: 265 lbs (again)

WL: 91 lbs

Goal: 230 lbs <--- NEW GOAL! And it’s a NUMBER!

[pippingamer]

GOOOOOOAALL!!!!!

IT HAPPENED! IT FINALLY HAPPENED! My original goals of getting into my 1994 Power Fest T-Shirt and Starfox Jacket have been reached! I thought this was cause enough for celebration and a special out-of-schedule Tumblr update!

I went to see my doctor for my tri-monthly update and heard the words “perfect,” “excellent,” and “remarkable” several times in reference to my progress and my vital signs. My weight is 266. My cholesterol is perfect. My blood pressure is 124 over 72. Even my BMI (Body Mass Index) is 39 which means ... drum roll please ... 

I AM NO LONGER MORBIDLY OBESE!

I am considered now to be Moderately Obese, which I will wear as a badge of honor! Yes friends, I have officially lost 90 lbs and I’m still going. My new goal is to reach 220 lbs, which isn’t too far to go, but it only gets harder from here.

In other news, I saw my sister and got to meet her wonderful friends and in-law family in Alabama. We attended church together with some of the nicest and Jesus-loving people I’ve ever met. Good food, good fellowship, and good grief the FOOD!

Amanda insisted that we eat at a place called ... not even kidding here... Bimbo’s. Yep. Bimbo’s. Don’t believe me? Check it!

If you’ll refer back a couple of blogs ago, my loving sister blessed out my niece, Rebecca, and myself up and down Hwy 84 for letting me eat pizza, and the first place she takes me to eat once we get to visit is ... the second best pizza place in Alabama. Seriously, the paper did a story on them and everything. The owner, a rather large man in red with overalls and a long white beard, is named “Bimbo.” That has been his nickname since he was young and it stuck. I’m sure there’s a story there, but I haven’t heard it. 

Either way, we had shrimp and crawfish on one pizza and pepperoni on the other. I was in HEAVEN! The dough was fresh and hand made. The sauce was from scratch. I had 3 small pieces AND I had no repercussions. It was just a great time with family and I miss them already... the family and the pizza. 

So, to sum up this week so far: No longer morbid, 90 lbs down, shirt has been worn, coat even zips, church folks are best, sister is an enabler, and I ate at Bimbo’s. So far... so very very good.

Cya Thursday! 

HW: 356 lbs

SW: 346 lbs

CW: 266 lbs

WL: 90 lbs

Goal: Photo in Powerfest 94 T-Shirt    CHECK!

[pippingamer]

Second verse same as the first ...

Frustration and confusion: 2 words best used to describe the previous week of weight wars. After my fight with the Exorcist virus last week, I lost down to 269 pounds. This pleased me to no end. Dropping down a second digit always is a milestone for me, plus 269 pounds is the lowest my weight has gone in 20 years. But it seems that the demon that was exorcised had one last trick of torture before departing.

After I recouped my strength, I recouped my weight. I went back to 272 pounds ... and stayed there. Every morning I wake up, do my morning constitutionals, and weigh myself, and every morning I’m usually pleasantly greeted by a glowing red number on a scale that is less than the previous incarnation of that same red number. But not this week. This week I felt like throwing the scale into an oncoming horde of wildebeests. 

I know, I know. It wouldn’t have done me any good, but dang it, it would have made me feel better ... until the next morning. And before anyone can comment, yes I did let my gym routine lapse due to unforeseen excuses, and I had been eating more ... not a full buffet at the Sizzler mind you, but more than I had been eating. I used these 2 hickups in my plan to justify that “This is my fault.” followed sharply by “Am I done losing weight?” and concluded by “Amanda’s gonna kill me.” Luckily, God had already seen to my worries and provided me with a wife that can either calm the savage doubting mind or kick it squarely in the jewels and tell it to say thank you. Jammie talked me off the ledge, so to speak, and we got busy correcting my problems, instead of just listing them.

We went back to the gym ... twice ... and I started taking less food with me to work, so I would not be tempted to snack as a means to pass the time, and I am proud to say that I am FINALLY back OFFICIALLY at 269 pounds! Or at least I was until Jammie decided to take me to lunch and I ate half of a chicken ranch rap from the Broadway Deli. Now I am sure that I am back at 272 or more... I feel like it’s more. *ugh, I need to burp like a hippo* 

Speaking of my insane wife, I got a message from her last night while I was closing up the shop at around 10:15 p.m. It read “Hey hun, I’m going to work.” A pretty mundane message by most respects, but it was 10:15 P.M. ... she didn’t have to be at work until 7 a.m. normally or 3 a.m. occasionally. I expressed my confusion with the appropriate “Huh?!” response to which she replied, “Yep. Can’t sleep. Might as well go to work. I’m getting off at 11:00 a.m.” 

I read the message several times in hopes of deciphering some unclear message, or hidden meaning. After long and careful consideration I replied with my profound answer of “k”. 

Come to find out, she honestly did have trouble sleeping and DID go in to work a 12 hour shift with no sleep what so ever from the previous day. Then AFTER the 12 hour shift and no sleep, she drove 20 minutes to McComb to take me to eat at Broadway Deli. Ladies and gentlemen, Jammie Reeves.

And that’s why I have been successful so far with my weight loss: my support team is crazy. Literally insane. Between Rebecca’s passive aggression that rivals a tiger on weed, Amanda’s bear-like ferocity for keeping me on the path, and Jammie’s Ed the Hyena-esque antics, we’re a meerkat, a warthog, and a musical number away from reenacting the Lion King.

So here’s to losing weight again, now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find an Antacidalope.   *hurp*

HW: 356 lbs

SW: 346 lbs

CW: 269 lbs

WL: 87 lbs

Goal: Nintendo Powerfest 94 T-shirt

[pippingamer]

I need a young priest, and an old priest ...

Experience is a personal, chronological memory and subsequent application of those memories’ outcomes, whether rewards or consequences, to your current situations. This week, I have earned some experience.

My story begins last Thursday, early, with the four words any parents dreads hearing while dead asleep ... “Mommy, I threw up.”

Joshua had made it to the bathroom that dark morning, only to be held there by necessity for the next 2 days. The poor thing could barely catch his breath between heavings of Spaghetti O’s. We thought, perhaps, it was bad Wendy’s chicken nuggets, because he didn’t have fever and the onset was extremely fast. 

We thought that, until Jammie also began paying homage to porcelain god. Hugging the toilet like a long lost lover, she got sick on early Saturday morning and was bed bound for the rest of the weekend.

So there I was. The only non-infected human left in this 1-home zombie apocalypse, I hoped and prayed that the Exorcist Disease would pass me by. Considering the size of my stomach and my past experiences at reverse digestion, I REALLY wanted to remain out of this latest statistic. Alas it was not to be.

Saturday night, while at work at Hero’s Haven (Brookhaven’s comic book store), I felt that little twinge of nausea and pain that made me begin to question the stability of my innards. A disease of this speed cannot be hidden long and soon my employer and other customers began the chorus of “Are you feeling ok?” and “You don’t look so good.” and even “So THAT’s how you’re losing weight.” 

I had to cancel my Dungeons and Dragons group and took the rest of the day off. No sooner had I gotten home that my stomach wretched its first attempts at upchucking, and ended up more of an up-lobbing. If normal baseball is compared to normal vomiting, my attempts were slow pitch backyard wiffle ball by yourself. A lot of bluster, no substance, and strange noises accompanied by expletives and more strange noises.

After the first volley had been fired, the ammo stores were bare, but the “Keep Firing!” order kept coming! And not just from the front either. Not to put too fine a point on it, but I considered putting a seat belt on the toilet to prevent levitation. 

But the WORST part of it all was the gas. OH THE HUMANITY! The gas hit on Sunday morning early and kept trying to kill me through mid-morning even after I took 4 Gas-X. I tell you what, I was having CHURCH in my kitchen. I was screaming, crying, walking, bowing, praying, lamenting, and I think speaking in tongues at one point. Finally, the demon loosed and with one last Greek incantation in a deep and hellish voice, it came roaring forth leaving only relief and an empty feeling in its wake.

Praise, God. I had exercised the demon! This tummy is clear!

After the mass exodus, things progressively got better until all I had to deal with was the weakness of 2 days with no food, and the dehydration. I dropped from 275 to 270 in 2 days which isn’t uncommon for me, but this was almost all water, and that’s not good.

Good news is I’ve made a full recovery as has everyone in the house. I hated to do it, but I did regain a couple of those pounds from fluids and food, but I don’t mind. I needed those.

Jammie and I have FINALLY started going to the gym again on a regular basis. Life gets in the way and soon you find yourself excusing your absence more than making the effort. But now, we go 4 times a week, and usually go swimming, which is a great workout, and I swim like a manatee ... I kinda resemble a manatee, too, but I think that’s a coincidence. Which makes me wonder, if a manatee saw me, would they mistake me for some sort of mermaid ... man...atee? 

Anyway, enough random thinking. I’m almost out of the 270′s! This morning I weighed in 271 lbs with 269 lbs being my record low by other means for the last 20 years. That Nintendo Powerfest Shirt has never looked closer! 

Carpe Diem! ... but if that diem is a Mondiem, please wash your hands.

CYA!

HW: 356 lbs

SW: 346 lbs

CW: 271 lbs

WL: 85 lbs

Goal: Nintendo Powerfest 94 T-Shirt

[pippingamer]

Top 20 Things I Never Knew I Missed

Interesting how the mind woks, isn’t it? For instance I do not remember being as large as I am in the left photo above. Don’t misunderstand, I remember that day very well: it was December 29, 2016, the day of my surgery. I remember being in front of that Christmas Tree, my wife asking to take my picture, and I remember the butterflies in my stomach as I waited to be called back for prep. But I do not remember being that big.

Fast forward a bit to March 29, 2017. That’s when I took the photo on the right. Until I put the 2 together, I had no idea how much of a difference 80 lbs made. After this startling revelation, I decided to really think about what I can do now versus what I couldn’t do 3 months ago. Here’s my Top 20:

1. My head no longer looks like it’s trying to eat my face. Large, though my head may be, the fat has receded and my nose and mouth protrude at their natural measure.

2. My second chin has been relegated back to being a second chin. Up until this point, my second chin was quickly becoming my primary chin.

3. My belly button is no longer an uncharted area of mystery. Where as before it was a deep and soulless void, now it is a manageable pock in an ever shrinking landscape.

4. My toes and feet are atrocious. My wife had been trying to tell me for ever that my feet looked horrible, but if I can’t see them, I can remain in denial. This is no longer the case. My feet have caught the brunt of my weight problems and it shows.

5. Shoes have laces that can be tied without the need of CPR afterwards. The act of tying my own shoes seems pretty mundane, and it is for most, but my size had made it a near impossible task without a serious threat of asphyxiation. 

6. Running is not only possible, it is, at times, fun... in moderation.

7. Movie seats are not designed to grip your butt for safety.

8. The act of going to the bathroom need not be preceded by a yoga-esque stretching regimen.

9. My wife saying I’m sexy without the added “... to me.” at the end makes for an enormous boost to ego and self esteem.

10. Shirts are meant to go on the body in the shape they hung on the hanger. No stretching and pulling is required. 

11. A tucked in shirt is not longer the source of misery reserved for funerals and Easter. Now it is a way to hide the extra 3 feet of fabric that hangs below my knees when I wear shirts that are obviously too large for me.

12. Food that falls from my mouth need not be hindered further on its journey to the floor. Our dog approves greatly.

13. My glasses no longer look as though they have been surgically attached to anchors behind my ears. Because my face has shrunk, they sit proudly on my nose without trying to cut my head in half.

14. Standing and sitting no longer requires a spotter.

15. Likewise, backing up no longer requires a beeping noise.

16. Lunch time holds not the wondrous splendor of the unknown as it once did. “Banana or Strawberry shake”, and “Did I bring Cheez-Its today?”, that’s it. And I am ok with this.

17. Health food is not a foreign language. As confusing as Sanskrit for most of my life, baked chicken and low-cal foods have become likened unto my native tongue.

18. Sodas are of the Devil.

19. Fast food restaurants are basically brothels. Yes they offer a valued service, but you can get better, healthier options at home with much fewer risks.

20. 80 lbs of weight lost equals out to 16 five-pound bags of sugar, and I hurt my fingers carting one of those things in a Walmart bag from the car to the door. This astounds me.

I have learned many things in the past 3 months since my surgery, and I look forward to learning more. I am returning to weights that I cannot remember ever being, and this excites me. 

My sister, Amanda, with the support of her awesome husband, Grant (no seriously, if she divorces him, I’m marrying him), has trained and competed in a 5K Marathon where she ran the entire distance ... on purpose ... without something chasing her. This used to seem like an unattainable daydream for she and I, but now it seems not only possible, but goal worthy. Hmm. Maybe later. With the right training and motivation ...

Until next Week, cya round.

Highest Weight: 356 lbs

Surgery Weight: 346 lbs

Current Weight: 275 lbs

Weight Lost: 81 lbs

Goal: Nintendo Powerfest 94 T-Shirt Photo

[pippingamer]

Time Traveling & Tummy Troubles

Hair bands, popped collars, leg warmers, neon colors and Miami, FL: this is your “I just woke up in the 80′s” starter kit. As a survivor of the Great War Against Common Sense also known as “the 80′s,” I can honestly say that I don’t miss it (although, tight-rolled blue jeans were legit.) I did my duty for Queen and country, though. Wile Reganomics and the Yuppies did there best to make everyone in a suit look like an 80′s rogue-cop movie bad guy, I was doing my best not to fit in. It wasn’t very hard, seeing as how people of my size and demeanor were not easily understood, nor accepted, unlike now when it is actually cool to be a nerd.

I call hacks! That’s bull! I took my lumps, wedgies, butt-kickings, and verbal thrashings all for the sake of my interests, and kids today will, thankfully, never have to endure such horrors just for wearing a Marvel character on their shirt. But I digress. The 80′s were a grand old time of cocaine, corporate subterfuge, and white-collar villains paraded in front of the world via news coverage. The rich got richer, the poor got promises, and the guy who made neon dyes and paint got insanely wealthy. 

But what does this all have to do with this week in weight loss, you may ask? Well, I’ll tell you. What do January 1st, 1990, and I both have in common? We have BOTH SEEN THE END OF THE 80′s!! Yes indeed, my first personal milestone of dreamland proportions has come and gone, and I could not be more thrilled. I seriously find it hard to remember a time when I weighed less than 280 pounds, and that’s saying something because I can remember what I got for my 10th birthday, which also may be the last time I weighed less than 280 pounds, but I doubt it. My best guess at a time is when I took a trip to England in 1998. It’s hard to narrow it down to when I first gained over 280, because I stayed in the 280′s for so long. From before my high school graduation in 1996 to starting at the Daily Leader in 2004, I hovered around the 280′s like a fat kid at a bake sale (I can use that analogy because, yes, I DO have a point of reference.) After I started doing Graphic Design as a career choice, I packed on the pounds. 

But look at me now! I’m back in 44 pants, 2XL shirts, and I now weigh 278 pounds! That’s almost 80 pounds lost so far! If you would have told me 10 years ago that I would lose 80 pounds, I would have asked you which leg I had had amputated. Looking back to where I was when I weighed this much, brings back old memories, and while some of those memories are on the “Hey Fatso!” side, there is a difference this time around being this size: I have more hope. My health is so much better, my prospects and life expectancy increase with every lost pound, and my happiness grows as I shrink. 

Speaking of health ... I was not a happy camper this week. Something got a hold of my belly and decided to remodel. It held a Fire Sale in my tummy, and “EVERYTHING MUST GO!” was enforced. I was not well. It only lasted a day and a half, but I think I may have caught it soon enough to stop it from blooming further. Whatever it was left me with a sour taste in my mouth and a fever blister on my lip (sounds like a bad prom date.) Either way, it’s passed now, and I feel better! 

Now I can continue with my weekend plans of listening to Huey Lewis and the News, bouncing on my Pogo-Ball, watching Saturday Morning Cartoons, and playing my NES. Boy, I’m glad the 80′s are over!

Highest Weight: 356 lbs.

Surgery Weight: 346 lbs.

Current Weight: 278 lbs.

Total Weight Lost: 78 lbs.

Goal: The Nintendo Powerfest 94 T-shirt Photo

[pippingamer]

Good Friends. Good Food. Good Grief.

And now, a list of things thought never to be beholden again on this or any other plain of existence: Dinosaurs. Dodo Birds. Disco. My butt in a 44 pants. But hark! What is this? One of these things has returned, and since I haven’t seen a YouTube video of a T-Rex jiving to Night Fever being DJ’d by a flightless bird, that must mean... INDEED, my derriere dose fit in there! At the time of my surgery, I was in a 50 pants, 3 weeks later I was in a 48, 2 months later, I regressed to 46, and just this week I find myself in the unfamiliar waters of 44′s.

I say the waters are unfamiliar because I honestly can’t remember the last time I was in 44′s. I graduated in 46′s if that helps put this into perspective. That’s HIGH SCHOOL Graduation, not college. I also lost an X in shirts. I can comfortably wear 2X shirts now! I could get into a 2X before, but I had to press my arms out and streeettch that extra X into the fabric, to the chorus of snapping seams and rending collars. But now, it just slides on like it was made to. 

Some of you out there reading this may be wondering what is so special about getting dressed. Everyone does it and we all do it one leg at a time, right? Well yeah, technically, but my one leg equaled both of yours by mass, and I was having trouble housing them both in anything other than sweat pants (that’s irony if I ever heard it). So you’ll forgive me if I get a bit overjoyed that the status quo of grunts and groans to get properly attired changes to the sound of my wife saying “looking good, babe” as I parade in front of a mirror checking out my booty like I’m about to sell it on Ebay.

By the numbers, I now weigh 282 lbs, but I don’t know what I weighed yesterday, because, for the first time since my surgery, I forgot to weigh. This may actually be a good thing. As Jammie is quick to tell me, I shouldn’t fixate on the scales so much. And she’s right, because on some days where I am stuck at a number (looking at you 295) it would put me in the dankest mood for the rest of the day. I would act like a moody teenage girl waiting by the phone for Mr. Hotness to call. 

So I actually could have weighed under 200 lbs yesterday, and just put it all back on over night. You don’t know! It could happen! We had tacos!

Speaking of which, I have had a visitor in my home for the past few days, but not just any visitor, a yankee! Wait wait wait! Put away the pitch forks and torches, she’s cool. Brittany and I met through a friend, Ben, who has been friends with her via Xbox Live for many years, and this month she flew all the way from Pennsylvania to visit him. I only just became friends with her less than a year ago, but she’s a hoot to be around. Brittany, Ben, Jammie, Joshua, Rebecca, and myself all sat down to tacos last night which was a roaring success in my opinion, even if I only ate 1/2 of one chicken soft taco. Joshua packed away 3. 

In a way, last night’s tacos kinda made me sad, and in other ways relieved. Mike Laird, a good friend of mine since I was 13, used to come over and have tacos, and he and I would see who could eat the most. We tied at 13 a piece and the record has stood for many, many years. Tacos being one of my favorite foods in the world, the fact that I can’t enjoy them like I used to with a Romanesque effort of 13 or more tacos, made me sad, but then relieved. I was relieved that that part of my life is over. I don’t have to be known for how much I eat, because now I am known for how much I don’t.

A big thanks to all the people who have been reading, enjoying, and sharing this blog with others (thanks Gilbertown, AL). I hope it gets a couple chuckles and maybe helps someone going though something similar to me. 

Until next week, cya in the funny papers! 

Highest Weight: 356 lbs.

Surgery Weight: 346 lbs.

Current Weight: 282 lbs.

Total Weight Lost: 74 lbs. (and 3 pairs of blue jeans)

Goal: The Nintendo Powerfest 94 T-shirt Photo

[pippingamer]

It’s a heck of a roller coaster, but at least I fit in the seat

Over the years, I have had many signs that seemed to shout “YOU’RE GETTING TOO BIG!” or “SLOW DOWN! YOU’RE GOING TO DIE!” I waved at most of them as they passed and laughed at some out of spite, but one stuck in my head, and my behind, more than most: the day I realized I no longer fit in a standard sized movie seat.

It was when my family and I went to see “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”. I plopped my large popcorn holding, large Coke swilling carcass in my seat and immediately recognized a difference. The sides of the chair rubbed my legs and scraped my butt so much it was very uncomfortable. I watched the movie the best I could, but I felt like so much soft serve ice cream pored into too small of a cone. I was spilling everywhere! The armrests changed into belly rests. The poor springs that retract the seat gave up the ghost and begged for mercy. For one of the few times in my life, I was embarrassed to be so big. Jammie tried to play it off by saying her seat was small as well and that maybe they were just smaller seats. I appreciated the effort, as I appreciate everything she does for me, but this time I knew the truth, and it frightened me.

That was in December of 2015. Fast forward a year or so to now. I’ve had my surgery and lost weight for which I am VERY proud and thankful. As I have been dropping pant sizes, my brother from another mother, Michael Granger, found himself in need of my 48″ pants, and I in need of his 46″ pants. A trade was struck, and we both couldn’t be happier, but while concluding our trade, Mike mentioned that he was going to see “Logan” that next Friday and wondered if I would like to join him. I told him I’d have to text him when I found out about funding and if the wife cared or not (happy wife, happy life. angry wife, hide the knife). Jammie gave her glowing approval and so Mike and I rendezvous’d at West Brook Cinema 4.

After paying $11 for a ticket and $12 for small popcorn and a bottle of water (you read that right. water and corn cost more than the ticket. ‘Merica.) we found our seats. For nearly a minute I squirmed and awaited the discomfort and the embarrassment surely to follow, but my legs and my butt reported in with the “all clear back here” feeling. No pain. Not even a brushing glance! I could FINALLY fit in the seats! I actually stood up and sat back down again, just making sure I was not mistaken. NOPE! My newly fitted 46′s slid perfectly onto the cushion and was supported by the song of happy and stress-free springs. 

This week has had its roller coaster of events. First, the movie seat refit. But then, on Monday, I gained 2.5 lbs. WHAT THE HECK!? Did I walk through some Hi Fructose AIR while at work? GEEZ! This bummed me out to no end, because as of Sunday, I weighed 285 lbs... a full 71 lbs lost! I was excited! But then it happened, whatever it is, and I gained back to 288. Ok body, you know I love you and I can’t physically hurt you without hurting me, but you GOTTA work with me here. My mother’s sage advice rang back to me through the ages: “Whether it be stomach troubles or marital problems, nothing helps more than a good poo.” You laugh now, but you’d be surprised how often this rings true. Try it! But alas, this did not account for the excess gaining. So I took the long way. I cut down on snacks, even low cal ones, and had only a Premier Shake for lunch, and it’s working again. 

I’m back down to 286. Which means I have lost a total of 70 lbs since December 29! The 280′s are definitely fighting hard to keep me, but they won’t have me for long. 

Oh, by the way, Logan was great! And for the record, this constitutes the first and only time I ever went to the movies with a man after getting into his pants. Juzzayin.

Highest Weight: 356 lbs

Surgery Weight: 346 lbs

Current Weight: 286 lbs

Total Weight Lost: 70 lbs

Goal: Nintendo Powerfest T-Shirt Photo

[pippingamer]

Are we there yet?

Children are wonderful. I only have the one 12 year old, and due to mother nature being a heartless harpy, his emotions are spiraling from happy and cool to “Choke-him-down-and-have-another” annoying.

It is from this life of fatherhood that I draw inspiration for this week’s entry. Buckle up.

In the beginning, Joshua the baby was a happy, inquisitive young lad who had a thirst for knowledge, and a drive to impress those around him. He changed as fast as he could, trying to climb the ladder of “growing up” rung by rung, and he was exciting to watch. As he enjoyed his assent, each rung better than the last, his mother and I watched with proud amazement that we had birthed such a being. The world was bliss.

Fast forward a bit. Now my son has changed. He still strives for changes, but they come harder now. He struggles with his on-coming adolescence and finds that his new goals are blocked by obstacles that require more effort than he can comfortably afford, and more personal responsibility than he’s ever had. He’s still an awesome young man, and I love him dearly, but I remember these days from my life, and I do not envy him. 

Such is the way with my weight loss. In the beginning, things changed weekly, daily, even hourly, and I was so proud to see them change with very little effort. Letting nature “Take its course” was all I needed to do to have dramatic changes occur. I was, and am, proud of my accomplishments. 

Now, I have reached the point that I knew would be a problem for me. A Bariatric Puberty, if you will. A time that I knew would be hard and a struggle to go through, but I would forever be changed if I just put forth the effort to man-up and press on. I have reached the 280′s.

I no longer have any restrictions in my diet. I can eat whatever I want, and that frightens me. That puts the responsibility for my diet squarely in my hands, which is where it is the most fragile, and where I have messed it up for years. I have to consciously remain vigilant of my diet, and tell myself “Just because I COULD have something, doesn’t mean I should.” Right Dr. Malcolm?

So far, so good. I have a GREAT staff of advisers and butt kickers in case I ever get out of line. (Thanks, guys) Unfortunately, the 280′s are a loooong road for me. I spent a quarter of my life in between 280 and 290, so it only stands to reason that some effort will be needed to push through. But, at just under 70 lbs lost, I have way more effort to give these days than I have in a long time. 

I will survive this, both my son and my plateau. Joshua may not survive, I haven’t decided yet, but the state is on his side in that matter. Drat.

One point of good feelings happened this week. We cleaned out our shed the other day and threw away a life’s worth of old crud. That sense of “get’r done”ness spread into the house, where we reorganized 2 bedrooms, and moved a solid oak entertainment center that was so large I believe God placed it where it was, and the house was built around it. Not since Noah has more wood been dragged by fewer humans than when Rebecca and I skull-dragged that behemoth of an abomination outside to the shed. But we did it. We had to skip a couple days of gym afterwards, but we did it. 

Anyway, while we were opening boxes of unknown plunder, we came across our old wedding photos, and there, on the top, was a photo of my mom and me. I was so much thinner (and had more hair). In the photo, Mom looked great, standing in her dark blue dress, which is also the dress we buried her in. She looked amazing and she looked so proud of me. I saw that look of pride in her face, and I thought that she would be proud of me today, if she could tell me herself, but also, I realized that I am now the same size I was when they took the photo 16 years ago. 

I sat and stared at the picture for what seemed like hours. Jammie, seeing my expression, said “I’m sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to make you upset. I thought you’d want to see the picture.” I replied, “No. I’m ok. Thanks. I’m going to be just fine.” And I meant every word.

I’m gonna beat the 280′s. I’ve always known how, but now I have the means to do it. Stay tuned. 

Highest Weight: 356 lbs

Surgery Weight: 346 lbs

Current Weight: 288 lbs

Total Weight Lost: 68 lbs

Goal: Nintendo Powerfest 94 T-shirt

[pippingamer]

Everyone’s a dietician

I like Applebee’s. It’s a decent place to get affordable above average cuisine with the comforts of a sit-down lunch and the atmosphere of a sports bar. Too bad I won’t be going back.

I guess I should have looked harder at the new menu, because obviously, somewhere between the Lime Crusted Chicken and Fiesta Rolls, they added a healthy heaping helping of unsolicited opinion, and I’m sorry, but I’m on a diet. 

As I pointed out in my last blog, the wife and I recently road-tripped to Alabama to pick up a car. I happened to mention the “nice lunch at Applebee’s” we enjoyed before embarking on the final leg of our journey. What I didn’t mention was the sage wisdom spewing waitress in charge of our table. I ordered my Fiesta Chicken Wrap, no lettuce and no tomato, with mashed potatoes and a To-Go box to which she replied that she didn’t think a To-Go box would be necessary because the meal was small without the veggies. Ok. So big boy should be able to make a happy plate. Gotcha.

I explained how I had just had surgery and had already lost 60+ pounds, so yes, I would like a To-Go box ... please. Instead of the aforementioned left-over relocation devise, I got a squarely put, and somewhat indignant, reply of “No one should have that surgery. I’ve been dieting for 2 weeks and have lost 2 pounds. I’m doing it the hard way. The right way.” Then she told me of her sister who had had the Gastric Sleeve surgery in, and I quote, “That country next to California.” “Mexico?” I asked. “No” she replied. “It began with an ‘S’.” So, Smexico, I guess. 

Not wanting to have a battle of whits with an unarmed opponent, I dropped the subject, and Jammie and I finished our adventures in butt-dumbing car retrieval. 

I bring this up now because it’s been gnawing at me, and after some reading on Facebook, I see that others have experienced situations akin to this. From mothers to garbage men, everyone has had a negative experience of some sort from people that have no business telling you how to button your shirt, much less save your own life. 

To anyone out there who thinks that this surgery is decided on with little care given to safety, difficulty, and who thinks that we should “try harder”, I say, thanks, but you’re wrong. I paid a man $33,000 to cut into my gut and remove 80% of my stomach, an organ I was quite fond of and had many good memories with. This was painful. I endured months of tests, needles, psychological evaluations, expensive non-insured visits to various people with alphabets behind their names, all the while moving toward the end goal of convincing my insurance that, yes, I am fat and I would not be upset if I weren’t.

I gave up my lifelong habits of eating which had been my friends, my comforts, and my escapes. You may ask why, and to you I will answer: My life is worth living. I did not, in any way, have this surgery to appease anyone, especially some butt-hurt waitress trying to hock cheesesticks. 

Here is a recap of my goals:

1. Not get winded when walking to Walmart from the car. (CHECK!!)

2. To jump on the trampoline with my son.

3. To wipe my butt without throwing a rib muscle into spasms. (CHECK!!)

4. To be able to walk a 5k.

5. To be able to RUN a 5k.

6. To be able to run.  (CHECK!!)

7. To be able to look down while peeing and it not appear to be coming from belly button.  (CHECK!!)

8. To get back in touch with my toes.  (CHECK!!)

9. For someone to not recognize me.  (CHECK!!)

You see all those checks? They mean more to me than any advise you could ever give. CHECK, PLEASE! (mic drop)

Highest Weight: 356 lbs

Surgery Weight: 346 lbs

Current Weight: 290 lbs

Weight Lost: 66 lbs

Target Weight: Powerfest 94 T-Shirt

[pippingamer]

Willie Nelson be darned

I love Willie Nelson. As an icon, a song writer, and a performer he stands out as an American figure-head of freedom. And weed. And tax evasion. But mostly freedom. 

But I can no longer sing the song “On the Road Again” ever again. My post-op appointment in Covington, LA, was yesterday at 10:15 a.m. I live in Brookhaven, MS, which is about one and a half hours away, if you keep it to a speed that the cops are too preoccupied or lazy to bust. More on that visit later, but sufficed to say, my wife and I spent 3 hours round trip in a car before lunch. THEN, after a nice lunch at Applebee’s, we made a trip to Butler, AL. “Why?” you may ask? Because my dear old 340,000 mile VW Passat had thrown its 3rd belt, and was no longer operational. My loving sister, who lives in Butler, AL, had our other car and we needed to retrieve it. She and her husband, Grant, had been repairing the Nissan Maxima and it was finally ready, just in time to replace Groot, my VW (we name our vehicles. don’t judge me.)

Butler, AL, is two and a half hours away from Brookhaven. So, for those of you playing at home, that’s 3 hour round trip to Covington, LA, and a 5 hour round trip to Butler, AL, all within the span of 11 hours. No, Mr. Nelson. I do believe I CAN wait to get on the road again. 

Speaking of “On the Road,” I’m right on track, health-wise. Words like “exemplary” and “astounding” were thrown around with reckless abandon as the doctor described my progress. No seriously, she said them. Ask my wife. I have lost 62 pounds in 2 months, which is 28% of my excess body weight. The doctor said that most people see a reduction of 60% within the 1st year, and I’m almost half-way to that in 2 months. My vitamins B12, D, Zinc, M, O, U, S, E are all perfect. My markers for diabetes are gone. My blood pressure is perfect. My hair is perfect! AWOOOOOO! 

Ok the last one was a bit of a stretch... or was it.

Either way, I’m the healthiest fat man she’d ever seen. Even though I’m stalled again at 294, she still praised my efforts, and this has bolstered my resolve to see this through to the end. 

It’s week 8, and that means we are now officially out of restrictions on diet! And this scares me, because now, where I used to say “I can’t have it.” I have to tell myself “I shouldn’t have it.” It’s the first true test of my resolve and nerve to turn down all the foods I used to love, in exchange for those that won’t kill me. I have confidence in my abilities to complete this task, and I look forward to finding the edge of this 294 plateau, glancing at it as I pass, and watching the sucker burn as I light it a-blaze.

Until next time, the only “On the Road”ing I will do, is in Harvey. I named the Maxima “Harvey” because it’s Dented down one side. Harvey... Dent. Two-Face. It’s jacked up on one side ... Batman villain. If I gotta explain it, it ain’t worth it. 

Cya

[pippingamer]

Feeling a little drained...

I’ve had several reunions in my life that have left me in tears, either of joy or sadness. I have reunited with old friends, old jobs, family members, and pairs of comfortable pants that were lost behind the bed. But this week I have reunited with many new things long thought gone from my world. 

For starters, “Hello feet!” I can finally reach my feet again without going into asthmatic fits upon completion of task. I have also said hello again to old pants resigned to the waste lands of the “never gonna fit in that again” closet. I said “HI!” to being able to shop at Walmart for clothes again, and to shirts I had bought from Walmart but no longer fit. And HEEELLLLLOOOOO NURSE! to the number 2! As in, the first number of weight is officially 2! As of writing this, I am 295 lbs bringing my running total to 61 lbs lost in 6 weeks! I would have taken a photo when I dropped to 299, but by picking up the phone, I would have raised my weight above 300. So you’ll just have to trust me.

Week 7 ahoy, and BOY has it been a long time coming... 6 weeks technically, but still that’s a long time when you can’t eat any ground beef or chicken. And now, I CAN HAVE BOTH! (within reason) I had grilled chicken strips from a local restaurant, AND I ordered from the kid’s menu. $6 and I’m full! That was usually a boasting point for only the cheapest of fooding establishments such as Taco Bell or Little Caesars. 

I had to go yesterday and give blood for my labs to be checked at my next week’s doctor’s appointment. They took 17 vials of blood. 17!! It was by far the most weight I have lost in a single day. Even the lab tech was worried I wouldn’t have enough left to make the return trip home. AND they had to get it from my wrist. This fat-man was not very happy, but I smiled and laughed and joked, until they removed the spigot from my wrist and I hobbled back to the car. Luckily, Broma’s Deli wasn’t too far away. I don’t remember the drive, but I remember the grilled chicken strips and the baked potato. So I guess I made it.

And now, confession time once again, BUT THIS ONE ISN’T ALL MY FAULT... sorta. My loving and caring niece, Rebecca, who has been my Jiminy Cricket these past couple weeks, wanted a very specific meal, one that I not-so-long ago had a problem with. She wanted pizza. Now understand, me and pizza had a torrid relationship that ended months ago, and we haven’t even texted yet, but here I am face to face with a thin crust goddess of grease and all things good in the world. I fell to temptation and ate a single, small slice of pizza. My reasoning? It was basically on crackers (which I can eat). It had cheese (which I can eat). It had pepperoni (which I can eat ... in another week). So in my mind, it wasn’t so bad. And it wasn’t really bad. The chicken I had tried to eat instead tore me up more than the pizza, but I know that, despite our passionate reunion, it was never meant to be. Pizza and I said our goodbyes and even unfriended each other on Facebook. I didn’t look back as I walked away (mainly because Joshua had already eaten the last piece), but I knew she would miss me.

*sniff, sob*

Oh well, on to new things. I can make wraps next week! But more importantly, I’VE LOST 61 LBS! Like my sister, Amanda, says: “Rebecca is so grounded!” That, and she says “It’s not about what you CAN eat. It’s about what you SHOULD eat.” I know, my sibling Bama-Yoda. Grill or Grill Not. There is no Fry.

Until next week, cya.

Highest Weight: 356

Surgery Weight: 346

Current Weight: 295 <--- THERE’S A 2!!!!

Goal: Powerfest 94 T-Shirt

[pippingamer]

Spartans! Prepare for glory!

The Battle of Thermopylae, c.480 A.D., pitted King Xerxes and a reported 1 million strong Persian army against 7,000 Greeks and Arcadians led by King Leonidas. The small army of Greeks had set up a defensive choke point at Thermopylae or “The Hot Gate,” making King Xerxes’ army’s size irrelevant. No matter how much he tried, for 7 days, Xerxes was delayed, and confounded. Until finally, after some treachery, Xerxes found his way around the remaining army, assuring his victory. King Leonidas disbanded his army and stayed behind to cover their retreat, keeping 300 soldiers with him to accomplish this. Most, if not all, of the 300 were killed, including Leonidas.

I said all that to say this: 300 SUCKS!

Like Xerxes, I have been STUCK behind this wall of 300 lbs for a WEEK! Today, I weighed in at 301. I could literally poop my way to under 300, but try as I might, I have yet to breach this Spartan stronghold.

I know I shouldn’t complain, but dang it, I’m gonna. I have not seen any digit other than 3 in the first little grid of my scale for over 4 years. To just glimpse a 2-- ANYTHING would just make me a happy fatty! I know it’s coming, because I’m doing things right.

I’ve been going to the gym for a couple weeks now, and I like the way I feel. I’m more energetic, more focused, but I hurt like John McClane just before credits. It’s paying off ... I’m sure, but it’s like the day before Christmas, if you didn’t really know when Santa was coming, or if, and you had to keep checking under the tree every morning to see. You won’t find Tedium on any elemental chart, but it makes up a good portion of my world.

In other news, I went shopping ... in my own closet. Technically, it’s my second closet: the one where I put all my clothes that don’t fit and never will again. I found a pair of black jeans that were 46′s and have not been worn in years due to their unforgiving nature. Today, we have made amends and are now working cohesively in a mutual relationship. HOORAY! I have new pants!

Also, as of today, I can have BAKED FISH! I can FINALLY eat something that once drew in air, all be it from gills, but still, it once moved on it’s own power! I’m a carnivore again! 

Jammie, my darling wife of almost 16 years, has started going to a specialist in Brookhaven to help with weight loss via prescription and monthly check-ups. I’m so proud of the changes she has made in her life, and I don’t envy her for the challenge that awaits. It’s easier for me, because I have no choice. I can’t decide to order pizza and eat the whole thing ... ever again, but she could, and still be able to, but she chooses not to. I don’t envy making that choice. So that’s why I say she’s stronger than me. I’m just behind her kicking her butt if she ever needs it, just like she kicked mine for over a year to get this surgery. She’s mine, folks. You can’t have her.

If, by the time I write another of these blogs, I haven’t gotten below 300, I’m Spartan-kicking Gerard Butler in the gut. It’ll probably break my foot, but it’ll make me feel better.

Highest Weight: 356 lbs

Surgery Weight: 346 lbs

Current Weight: 301 lbs

Goal Weight: Nintendo Powerfest ‘94 T-Shirt