Skz writers moot me up I'm lonely </3 This is a sfw blog! More info below the cut
About me !
She/her, Irish stay, diagnosed autism + adhd, libra, Hyunjin biased <3 Hihi! I've picked up fanfic writing both to engage in my interests and improve my writing skills so feedback is welcome <3
Request info !
My written requests, as of now, are not open because I'm quite new to posting my writing and my adhd means I can hardly finish my own worksπ I'd be afraid I'd just let people down :( Drabble reqs are open tho
Boundaries !
I am a minor (17), so I do not take nsfw reqs. I don't mind being mutuals with adults and adults and nsfw blogs are free to interact with my work/acc I just won't interact with any nsfw content!
I don't rlly have a dni list tbh? I just won't interact back with accs I don't likeπ
Won't write β
Male reader, member x member ships (polyamory depends), smut, uhh I can't think of anything else??
Will write βοΈ
Fem or gn reader, angst, fluff, major character death. whether or not I'm willing to write about alot of difficult topics such as eating disorders, abuse, mentions of sa, self harm etc depends. I will likely never do any of these in graphic or near graphic detail.
Love to write <3
Angst, hurt/comfort, reverse comfort, friends to lovers, mythical creatures, major character death
These are subject to change and I'll update them when I think of more prompts I'm willing/not willing to write, but if you're ever unsure on whether I'll write something or not you can always just ask!
Λββ§κ°α felix trying to win over his new girlfriend's cat ! <3
bf!felix x f!reader: fluff, mild angst, humour (?), reverse comfort, the cats a calico cus i love them (fun fact! over 99% of them are female) β masterlist ! - Λ β’γ
ββββββ wc: 1,881
a/n: I want felix to dye his hair calico colours so bad pls... (another a/n at the end)
It began the first night he stayed over at your apartment.
You had just poured the bag of microwave popcorn into bowls, and were rounding the corner into the living room just as the opening soundtrack began to rumble through the TV speakers.
"Awwww, is this her??" Felix's voice raises in pitch as he coos towards the far end of your couch.
"Hm?" your eyes follow his gaze to the far arm of your couch. Behind which you spot the tricoloured head of your calico, peering unsurely.
"Oh yeah, that's cookie." you smile. "She doesn't like strangersβ"
You'd barely got the words out before they rang true β the moment Felix reaches a hand out in her direction, Cookie scampers away at the speed of light.
His warm smile quickly falls into rejected bewilderment. He whips his head around to you, his now widened eyes expecting you to scold him for whatever he clearly did wrong.
Both his expression and the strength of her reaction has you stifling a laugh before you can stop yourself.
"She's like that with everyone, don't worry." You quickly clarify, resting a reassuring hand on his shoulder as you settle beside him on the couch.
"Everyone?" he repeats sceptically.
Well... maybe not everyone. As wary as Cookie was with new faces, her reaction to them usually wasn't that strong.
"I barely moved and she literally bolted!"
But you don't tell him that.
"I told you, she doesn't like strangers!" you defend, as you shuffle into the couch, into him and his warmth, trying to bring you both back to the cozy movie night planned, rather than the rejection of your cat.
You turn to him. A soft line forms between his brows as he knits them together, one raised doubtfully. His chin is scrunched, jutting his bottom lip out in a pout, and his eyes narrow at you in faux suspicion β he's teasing you. Not hurt. Not genuinely, except maybe for his ego.
Relieved, you swipe a blonde strand of hair from his face, voice quieter now. "She'll warm up to you, promise."
The promise is punctuated by a kiss to his freckled cheek β pressing soft, warm reassurance into the skin, which tightens under your lips as he smiles.
"She just has to get used to you first..."
He may not be fully convinced, but he is whipped and now struggling to keep his pout from cracking into a smile.
He glances over to you with the boyish glint he gets when he's proud of his own smooth talking. "β¦Guess I'll just have to come over more."
It was a logical plan β cookie doesn't like strangers. Felix wouldn't be a stranger if he was around more often, right?
"It's fine," he thinks. "I'll just win her over."
Except the plan didn't work.
By the third visit, Cookie still wasn't any less avoidant. By the fourth, he'd begun to attempt bribes.
Cookie's paws make a small "click clack" sound on the tile as she trots into the kitchen, seemingly carefree until she rounds the peninsula, and freezes in her tracks.
"There you areβ¦" Felix says in a low, cooing voice, meant to sound non-threatening. "you want a treat, Cookie..?"
He reaches into the bright bag sitting between his crossed legs and pulls out a small brown pebble, which he half-throws, half-rolls in her direction.
She initially flinches, but when it lands about a foot ahead of her, stationary now β interest betrays her wariness, and her little head begins to bob from side to side as she eyes it up from afar.
Felix has to push down the urge for celebration when she cautiously pads towards his offering, her dilated pupils never leaving him for too long, until she crouches down to sniff at it.
"There you goβ¦!" Felix praises as she finally crunches the treat between her sharp teeth. Getting ahead of himself, he pulls another out of the bag, and extends it out to her between clasped fingers.
Bad idea. The moment he moves in her direction she darts behind the peninsula, peeking her head out to look at him before scampering away completely at the next micro movement he makes. Mission failed.
"No no noβ"
You walk into the kitchen just in time for Cookie speed past your feet, and hear a disgruntled huff from your kitchen floor. Felix looks up at you with an expression of defeat.
"Oh lixβ¦" you give him a sympathetic smile. "she'll come round, just give her time."
By the fifth visit, you begun to silently worry. Cookie may not be fond of new people, but she usually warmed up a little by now.
But Felix wasn't one to have his morale shaken so easily. If treats didn't work then maybe toys will.
"Pspspsβ¦ here kitty kitty kittyβ¦"
You walk into your living room sifting through the mail in your hand, only to look up and see your boyfriend squatting next to a cabinet, neck craned in a way that can't be comfortable just to look underneath. He's holding one of those dangling cat toys, dangling the feathered end in a way that's attempting to be tantalising, and you already know what he's trying... and failing.
"Felix?" you blink.
"I don't think she likes toys." he concludes, deflated. You don't have the heart to correct him.
The more time passes, the more Felix feels like Cookie's weird stepdad she doesn't want around β an intruder, an awkward presence in her space and family of two.
He tried more treats, every type under the sun, but she never ate them when they came from him. He tried catnip, she wasn't impressed. He got her a new bed, new scratching post. Both of which she did actually use, but he received no credit for them.
All the while you introduced him to all your close circles. He'd earned the stamp of approval from usually critical girlfriends, made a good impression on colleagues, been accepted by your family β he had to gently explain to your grandmother that no, his idol schedule would not allow him to come home with you for Christmas, and yet he still couldn't get Cookie to so much as tolerate him!
The final straw came during a games night he suggested you have with his members.
Cookie didn't bolt when Hyunjin suddenly swung his legs off the couch in her direction, she gave Changbin's pant leg an investigative sniff and β most offensively, she allowed Minho to give her ears a brief scratch.
It wasn't much, maybe not exactly friendliness, but it was more than they'd ever earned!
It was after this game night that Felix begrudgingly, finally, accepted defeat.
He lay beside you on the couch, slumped against your side and sulking with a pout you would've thought he'd be capable of producing.
"I never expected to see you so down in the dumps." it doesn't suit him.
"Your daughter hates me." he groans, the sound muffling as he tucks his face away in your hoodie.
"She doesn't hate you, Felix." the rare dramatics has you smiling softly as you try convince him. "She'll come round eventually..."
"Baby," he begins bluntly "we've been together for nearly five months. I won your second cousin over before Cookie's even let me pet her."
"She just needs to get used to you...!" you testify.
He lifts his head to look up at you, eyebrows furrowed in a way that makes it seems like he's actually offended at your outlandish statement.
"I've stayed over 28 times. It's not happening."
You pause. "Have you been counting??"
"Not the point." he deflects "And she didn't need to 'get used to' the guys tonight!"
He huffs, butting his head into your shoulder. His hopelessness is genuine β and painful to watch.
Because as much as this whole situation made for a humorous bit, you know how hard Felix has been trying to prove himself to the people important to you. To prove he's worthy of being in your life β and Cookie's important. He knows that. That was never a bit to him.
"I just want her to like me." he mumbles after a moment.
The words sound like they're trying to be minimising, to assure you the situation isn't as dramatic as he may have made it out to be β but they're honest. Honesty so simple it makes him sound small.
You sigh, bringing your hand up to hold the crown of his head.
"Wellβ¦" you begin, voice lower now. "maybe Cookie's just gonna have to suck it up, because you're not going anywhere." you murmur conclusively.
"...At least I hope not."
That makes him smile.
"You're sure you want a boyfriend who doesn't have the Cookie stamp of approval�" he mumbles sarcastically.
You chuckle "I think we can make it work."
Feeling dispirited still, but strangely loved, his limbs begin to relax, and he lets them sink into you as he actually begins to watch whatever had been playing on the TV.
Slowly, the warmth of your body and the soothing motion of your fingers threading through his hair lull him closer and closer to sleep.
A few hours pass, and Felix is now slumped against your lap rather than your shoulder. Your arm has fallen languidly to your side, and he can hear you snoring softly above him as he's pulled from his own unconsciousness.
Heavy eyes blink open on the now too-bright light of the netflix "are you still watching screen", and he immediately cringes.
Something is tickling his cheek.
He flinches, head snapping to his left while bleary eyes attempt to focus on whatever's hovering above him.
His face freezes in alarm β no, disbelief. Or maybe both.
It's Cookie β looking down at him with a similar expression. Except she seems to mainly be confused at what he's making such a fuss about.
She leans back in, her whiskers tickling his face again as she gives him a curious sniff. Felix resists the urge to wince away from the sensation. If he so much as moves a muscle, he'll surely scare her off.
She continues down his arm, wading her little legs through the river of blanket, before losing interest. Felix's eyes follow her the whole time, until she conclusively plops herself down next to his abdomen, just above his bent knees.
"No wayβ¦" Felix mutters in disbelief, not daring to move yet.
Slowly, cautiously, he reaches a hand down to scratch behind her ear with a single finger, half bracing for her to suddenly realise he's the same man she's been avoiding like the plague for the past few months, and dart.
But she doesn't, she stays right there, satisfied in her place.
He keeps scratching, hesitation slowly fading, and like a soft engine roaring to life, she begins to purr.
Felix breathes out a quiet laugh of absurd disbelief. "You're kidding me."
She pays him no mind, only adjusting her head so his hand can get a better angle at her ears.
"Just playing hard to get, huh?" his lips part into a toothy grin, bright and triumphant at last.
Cookie's rich purrs begin to fade as sleep reclaims him, and the only thing on his mind as he drifts off is how excited he is to tell you about this in the morning.
Hey guys! Sorry to the 2 followers who check my account for disappearing for 4-5 months π School was overwhelming me, I wasnt as into skz for a while, and it was hard to bring myself to write when I wasnt satisfied with anything I produced.
I'm not going to promise to start posting regularly, because I don't want to put pressure on myself, or set goals I don't know if I can or want to achieve. But I have been making an effort to be kinder to myself because I've realised that being hard on myself when it comes to pursuing things only paralyses me from doing them. In future I hope to improve my writing skills and interact with my interests through fanfiction, and hopefully adopting this healthier mindset means you'll see more of me :) (and better quality fics π)
Even though this fic is no magnum opus, and I'm sure it has flaws and awkward elements, I actually enjoyed writing this one alot more than anything else I've written. I think it's because I tried to prioritise pacing, flow and simple language rather than awkwardly trying to make every line and sentence "profound" or complicated π Not to be dramatic, but genuinely feeling like I've made some progress is lowkey so relieving and euphoric π
in conclusion: future pixie's gonna do her best and try not to bite off more than she can chew, and actually enjoy hobbies like you're fucking supposed to π«Ά
Λββ§κ°α felix trying to win over his new girlfriend's cat ! <3
bf!felix x f!reader: fluff, mild angst, humour (?), reverse comfort, the cats a calico cus i love them (fun fact! over 99% of them are female) β masterlist ! - Λ β’γ
ββββββ wc: 1,881
a/n: I want felix to dye his hair calico colours so bad pls... (another a/n at the end)
It began the first night he stayed over at your apartment.
You had just poured the bag of microwave popcorn into bowls, and were rounding the corner into the living room just as the opening soundtrack began to rumble through the TV speakers.
"Awwww, is this her??" Felix's voice raises in pitch as he coos towards the far end of your couch.
"Hm?" your eyes follow his gaze to the far arm of your couch. Behind which you spot the tricoloured head of your calico, peering unsurely.
"Oh yeah, that's cookie." you smile. "She doesn't like strangersβ"
You'd barely got the words out before they rang true β the moment Felix reaches a hand out in her direction, Cookie scampers away at the speed of light.
His warm smile quickly falls into rejected bewilderment. He whips his head around to you, his now widened eyes expecting you to scold him for whatever he clearly did wrong.
Both his expression and the strength of her reaction has you stifling a laugh before you can stop yourself.
"She's like that with everyone, don't worry." You quickly clarify, resting a reassuring hand on his shoulder as you settle beside him on the couch.
"Everyone?" he repeats sceptically.
Well... maybe not everyone. As wary as Cookie was with new faces, her reaction to them usually wasn't that strong.
"I barely moved and she literally bolted!"
But you don't tell him that.
"I told you, she doesn't like strangers!" you defend, as you shuffle into the couch, into him and his warmth, trying to bring you both back to the cozy movie night planned, rather than the rejection of your cat.
You turn to him. A soft line forms between his brows as he knits them together, one raised doubtfully. His chin is scrunched, jutting his bottom lip out in a pout, and his eyes narrow at you in faux suspicion β he's teasing you. Not hurt. Not genuinely, except maybe for his ego.
Relieved, you swipe a blonde strand of hair from his face, voice quieter now. "She'll warm up to you, promise."
The promise is punctuated by a kiss to his freckled cheek β pressing soft, warm reassurance into the skin, which tightens under your lips as he smiles.
"She just has to get used to you first..."
He may not be fully convinced, but he is whipped and now struggling to keep his pout from cracking into a smile.
He glances over to you with the boyish glint he gets when he's proud of his own smooth talking. "β¦Guess I'll just have to come over more."
It was a logical plan β cookie doesn't like strangers. Felix wouldn't be a stranger if he was around more often, right?
"It's fine," he thinks. "I'll just win her over."
Except the plan didn't work.
By the third visit, Cookie still wasn't any less avoidant. By the fourth, he'd begun to attempt bribes.
Cookie's paws make a small "click clack" sound on the tile as she trots into the kitchen, seemingly carefree until she rounds the peninsula, and freezes in her tracks.
"There you areβ¦" Felix says in a low, cooing voice, meant to sound non-threatening. "you want a treat, Cookie..?"
He reaches into the bright bag sitting between his crossed legs and pulls out a small brown pebble, which he half-throws, half-rolls in her direction.
She initially flinches, but when it lands about a foot ahead of her, stationary now β interest betrays her wariness, and her little head begins to bob from side to side as she eyes it up from afar.
Felix has to push down the urge for celebration when she cautiously pads towards his offering, her dilated pupils never leaving him for too long, until she crouches down to sniff at it.
"There you goβ¦!" Felix praises as she finally crunches the treat between her sharp teeth. Getting ahead of himself, he pulls another out of the bag, and extends it out to her between clasped fingers.
Bad idea. The moment he moves in her direction she darts behind the peninsula, peeking her head out to look at him before scampering away completely at the next micro movement he makes. Mission failed.
"No no noβ"
You walk into the kitchen just in time for Cookie speed past your feet, and hear a disgruntled huff from your kitchen floor. Felix looks up at you with an expression of defeat.
"Oh lixβ¦" you give him a sympathetic smile. "she'll come round, just give her time."
By the fifth visit, you begun to silently worry. Cookie may not be fond of new people, but she usually warmed up a little by now.
But Felix wasn't one to have his morale shaken so easily. If treats didn't work then maybe toys will.
"Pspspsβ¦ here kitty kitty kittyβ¦"
You walk into your living room sifting through the mail in your hand, only to look up and see your boyfriend squatting next to a cabinet, neck craned in a way that can't be comfortable just to look underneath. He's holding one of those dangling cat toys, dangling the feathered end in a way that's attempting to be tantalising, and you already know what he's trying... and failing.
"Felix?" you blink.
"I don't think she likes toys." he concludes, deflated. You don't have the heart to correct him.
The more time passes, the more Felix feels like Cookie's weird stepdad she doesn't want around β an intruder, an awkward presence in her space and family of two.
He tried more treats, every type under the sun, but she never ate them when they came from him. He tried catnip, she wasn't impressed. He got her a new bed, new scratching post. Both of which she did actually use, but he received no credit for them.
All the while you introduced him to all your close circles. He'd earned the stamp of approval from usually critical girlfriends, made a good impression on colleagues, been accepted by your family β he had to gently explain to your grandmother that no, his idol schedule would not allow him to come home with you for Christmas, and yet he still couldn't get Cookie to so much as tolerate him!
The final straw came during a games night he suggested you have with his members.
Cookie didn't bolt when Hyunjin suddenly swung his legs off the couch in her direction, she gave Changbin's pant leg an investigative sniff and β most offensively, she allowed Minho to give her ears a brief scratch.
It wasn't much, maybe not exactly friendliness, but it was more than they'd ever earned!
It was after this game night that Felix begrudgingly, finally, accepted defeat.
He lay beside you on the couch, slumped against your side and sulking with a pout you would've thought he'd be capable of producing.
"I never expected to see you so down in the dumps." it doesn't suit him.
"Your daughter hates me." he groans, the sound muffling as he tucks his face away in your hoodie.
"She doesn't hate you, Felix." the rare dramatics has you smiling softly as you try convince him. "She'll come round eventually..."
"Baby," he begins bluntly "we've been together for nearly five months. I won your second cousin over before Cookie's even let me pet her."
"She just needs to get used to you...!" you testify.
He lifts his head to look up at you, eyebrows furrowed in a way that makes it seems like he's actually offended at your outlandish statement.
"I've stayed over 28 times. It's not happening."
You pause. "Have you been counting??"
"Not the point." he deflects "And she didn't need to 'get used to' the guys tonight!"
He huffs, butting his head into your shoulder. His hopelessness is genuine β and painful to watch.
Because as much as this whole situation made for a humorous bit, you know how hard Felix has been trying to prove himself to the people important to you. To prove he's worthy of being in your life β and Cookie's important. He knows that. That was never a bit to him.
"I just want her to like me." he mumbles after a moment.
The words sound like they're trying to be minimising, to assure you the situation isn't as dramatic as he may have made it out to be β but they're honest. Honesty so simple it makes him sound small.
You sigh, bringing your hand up to hold the crown of his head.
"Wellβ¦" you begin, voice lower now. "maybe Cookie's just gonna have to suck it up, because you're not going anywhere." you murmur conclusively.
"...At least I hope not."
That makes him smile.
"You're sure you want a boyfriend who doesn't have the Cookie stamp of approval�" he mumbles sarcastically.
You chuckle "I think we can make it work."
Feeling dispirited still, but strangely loved, his limbs begin to relax, and he lets them sink into you as he actually begins to watch whatever had been playing on the TV.
Slowly, the warmth of your body and the soothing motion of your fingers threading through his hair lull him closer and closer to sleep.
A few hours pass, and Felix is now slumped against your lap rather than your shoulder. Your arm has fallen languidly to your side, and he can hear you snoring softly above him as he's pulled from his own unconsciousness.
Heavy eyes blink open on the now too-bright light of the netflix "are you still watching screen", and he immediately cringes.
Something is tickling his cheek.
He flinches, head snapping to his left while bleary eyes attempt to focus on whatever's hovering above him.
His face freezes in alarm β no, disbelief. Or maybe both.
It's Cookie β looking down at him with a similar expression. Except she seems to mainly be confused at what he's making such a fuss about.
She leans back in, her whiskers tickling his face again as she gives him a curious sniff. Felix resists the urge to wince away from the sensation. If he so much as moves a muscle, he'll surely scare her off.
She continues down his arm, wading her little legs through the river of blanket, before losing interest. Felix's eyes follow her the whole time, until she conclusively plops herself down next to his abdomen, just above his bent knees.
"No wayβ¦" Felix mutters in disbelief, not daring to move yet.
Slowly, cautiously, he reaches a hand down to scratch behind her ear with a single finger, half bracing for her to suddenly realise he's the same man she's been avoiding like the plague for the past few months, and dart.
But she doesn't, she stays right there, satisfied in her place.
He keeps scratching, hesitation slowly fading, and like a soft engine roaring to life, she begins to purr.
Felix breathes out a quiet laugh of absurd disbelief. "You're kidding me."
She pays him no mind, only adjusting her head so his hand can get a better angle at her ears.
"Just playing hard to get, huh?" his lips part into a toothy grin, bright and triumphant at last.
Cookie's rich purrs begin to fade as sleep reclaims him, and the only thing on his mind as he drifts off is how excited he is to tell you about this in the morning.
Hey guys! Sorry to the 2 followers who check my account for disappearing for 4-5 months π School was overwhelming me, I wasnt as into skz for a while, and it was hard to bring myself to write when I wasnt satisfied with anything I produced.
I'm not going to promise to start posting regularly, because I don't want to put pressure on myself, or set goals I don't know if I can or want to achieve. But I have been making an effort to be kinder to myself because I've realised that being hard on myself when it comes to pursuing things only paralyses me from doing them. In future I hope to improve my writing skills and interact with my interests through fanfiction, and hopefully adopting this healthier mindset means you'll see more of me :) (and better quality fics π)
Even though this fic is no magnum opus, and I'm sure it has flaws and awkward elements, I actually enjoyed writing this one alot more than anything else I've written. I think it's because I tried to prioritise pacing, flow and simple language rather than awkwardly trying to make every line and sentence "profound" or complicated π Not to be dramatic, but genuinely feeling like I've made some progress is lowkey so relieving and euphoric π
in conclusion: future pixie's gonna do her best and try not to bite off more than she can chew, and actually enjoy hobbies like you're fucking supposed to π«Ά
Hey guys! Sorry to the 2 followers who check my account for disappearing for 4-5 months π School was overwhelming me, I wasnt as into skz for a while, and it was hard to bring myself to write when I wasnt satisfied with anything I produced.
I'm not going to promise to start posting regularly, because I don't want to put pressure on myself, or set goals I don't know if I can or want to achieve. But I have been making an effort to be kinder to myself because I've realised that being hard on myself when it comes to pursuing things only paralyses me from doing them. In future I hope to improve my writing skills and interact with my interests through fanfiction, and hopefully adopting this healthier mindset means you'll see more of me :) (and better quality fics π)
Even though my newest fic is no magnum opus, and I'm sure it has flaws and awkward elements, I actually enjoyed writing it alot more than anything else I've written. I think it's because I tried to prioritise pacing, flow and simple language rather than awkwardly trying to make every line and sentence "profound" or complicated π Not to be dramatic, but genuinely feeling like I've made some progress is lowkey so relieving and euphoric π
in conclusion: future pixie's gonna do her best and try not to bite off more than she can chew, and actually enjoy hobbies like you're fucking supposed to π«Ά
Λββ§κ°α felix trying to win over his new girlfriend's cat ! <3
bf!felix x f!reader: fluff, mild angst, humour (?), reverse comfort, the cats a calico cus i love them (fun fact! over 99% of them are female) β masterlist ! - Λ β’γ
ββββββ wc: 1,881
a/n: I want felix to dye his hair calico colours so bad pls... (another a/n at the end)
It began the first night he stayed over at your apartment.
You had just poured the bag of microwave popcorn into bowls, and were rounding the corner into the living room just as the opening soundtrack began to rumble through the TV speakers.
"Awwww, is this her??" Felix's voice raises in pitch as he coos towards the far end of your couch.
"Hm?" your eyes follow his gaze to the far arm of your couch. Behind which you spot the tricoloured head of your calico, peering unsurely.
"Oh yeah, that's cookie." you smile. "She doesn't like strangersβ"
You'd barely got the words out before they rang true β the moment Felix reaches a hand out in her direction, Cookie scampers away at the speed of light.
His warm smile quickly falls into rejected bewilderment. He whips his head around to you, his now widened eyes expecting you to scold him for whatever he clearly did wrong.
Both his expression and the strength of her reaction has you stifling a laugh before you can stop yourself.
"She's like that with everyone, don't worry." You quickly clarify, resting a reassuring hand on his shoulder as you settle beside him on the couch.
"Everyone?" he repeats sceptically.
Well... maybe not everyone. As wary as Cookie was with new faces, her reaction to them usually wasn't that strong.
"I barely moved and she literally bolted!"
But you don't tell him that.
"I told you, she doesn't like strangers!" you defend, as you shuffle into the couch, into him and his warmth, trying to bring you both back to the cozy movie night planned, rather than the rejection of your cat.
You turn to him. A soft line forms between his brows as he knits them together, one raised doubtfully. His chin is scrunched, jutting his bottom lip out in a pout, and his eyes narrow at you in faux suspicion β he's teasing you. Not hurt. Not genuinely, except maybe for his ego.
Relieved, you swipe a blonde strand of hair from his face, voice quieter now. "She'll warm up to you, promise."
The promise is punctuated by a kiss to his freckled cheek β pressing soft, warm reassurance into the skin, which tightens under your lips as he smiles.
"She just has to get used to you first..."
He may not be fully convinced, but he is whipped and now struggling to keep his pout from cracking into a smile.
He glances over to you with the boyish glint he gets when he's proud of his own smooth talking. "β¦Guess I'll just have to come over more."
It was a logical plan β cookie doesn't like strangers. Felix wouldn't be a stranger if he was around more often, right?
"It's fine," he thinks. "I'll just win her over."
Except the plan didn't work.
By the third visit, Cookie still wasn't any less avoidant. By the fourth, he'd begun to attempt bribes.
Cookie's paws make a small "click clack" sound on the tile as she trots into the kitchen, seemingly carefree until she rounds the peninsula, and freezes in her tracks.
"There you areβ¦" Felix says in a low, cooing voice, meant to sound non-threatening. "you want a treat, Cookie..?"
He reaches into the bright bag sitting between his crossed legs and pulls out a small brown pebble, which he half-throws, half-rolls in her direction.
She initially flinches, but when it lands about a foot ahead of her, stationary now β interest betrays her wariness, and her little head begins to bob from side to side as she eyes it up from afar.
Felix has to push down the urge for celebration when she cautiously pads towards his offering, her dilated pupils never leaving him for too long, until she crouches down to sniff at it.
"There you goβ¦!" Felix praises as she finally crunches the treat between her sharp teeth. Getting ahead of himself, he pulls another out of the bag, and extends it out to her between clasped fingers.
Bad idea. The moment he moves in her direction she darts behind the peninsula, peeking her head out to look at him before scampering away completely at the next micro movement he makes. Mission failed.
"No no noβ"
You walk into the kitchen just in time for Cookie speed past your feet, and hear a disgruntled huff from your kitchen floor. Felix looks up at you with an expression of defeat.
"Oh lixβ¦" you give him a sympathetic smile. "she'll come round, just give her time."
By the fifth visit, you begun to silently worry. Cookie may not be fond of new people, but she usually warmed up a little by now.
But Felix wasn't one to have his morale shaken so easily. If treats didn't work then maybe toys will.
"Pspspsβ¦ here kitty kitty kittyβ¦"
You walk into your living room sifting through the mail in your hand, only to look up and see your boyfriend squatting next to a cabinet, neck craned in a way that can't be comfortable just to look underneath. He's holding one of those dangling cat toys, dangling the feathered end in a way that's attempting to be tantalising, and you already know what he's trying... and failing.
"Felix?" you blink.
"I don't think she likes toys." he concludes, deflated. You don't have the heart to correct him.
The more time passes, the more Felix feels like Cookie's weird stepdad she doesn't want around β an intruder, an awkward presence in her space and family of two.
He tried more treats, every type under the sun, but she never ate them when they came from him. He tried catnip, she wasn't impressed. He got her a new bed, new scratching post. Both of which she did actually use, but he received no credit for them.
All the while you introduced him to all your close circles. He'd earned the stamp of approval from usually critical girlfriends, made a good impression on colleagues, been accepted by your family β he had to gently explain to your grandmother that no, his idol schedule would not allow him to come home with you for Christmas, and yet he still couldn't get Cookie to so much as tolerate him!
The final straw came during a games night he suggested you have with his members.
Cookie didn't bolt when Hyunjin suddenly swung his legs off the couch in her direction, she gave Changbin's pant leg an investigative sniff and β most offensively, she allowed Minho to give her ears a brief scratch.
It wasn't much, maybe not exactly friendliness, but it was more than they'd ever earned!
It was after this game night that Felix begrudgingly, finally, accepted defeat.
He lay beside you on the couch, slumped against your side and sulking with a pout you would've thought he'd be capable of producing.
"I never expected to see you so down in the dumps." it doesn't suit him.
"Your daughter hates me." he groans, the sound muffling as he tucks his face away in your hoodie.
"She doesn't hate you, Felix." the rare dramatics has you smiling softly as you try convince him. "She'll come round eventually..."
"Baby," he begins bluntly "we've been together for nearly five months. I won your second cousin over before Cookie's even let me pet her."
"She just needs to get used to you...!" you testify.
He lifts his head to look up at you, eyebrows furrowed in a way that makes it seems like he's actually offended at your outlandish statement.
"I've stayed over 28 times. It's not happening."
You pause. "Have you been counting??"
"Not the point." he deflects "And she didn't need to 'get used to' the guys tonight!"
He huffs, butting his head into your shoulder. His hopelessness is genuine β and painful to watch.
Because as much as this whole situation made for a humorous bit, you know how hard Felix has been trying to prove himself to the people important to you. To prove he's worthy of being in your life β and Cookie's important. He knows that. That was never a bit to him.
"I just want her to like me." he mumbles after a moment.
The words sound like they're trying to be minimising, to assure you the situation isn't as dramatic as he may have made it out to be β but they're honest. Honesty so simple it makes him sound small.
You sigh, bringing your hand up to hold the crown of his head.
"Wellβ¦" you begin, voice lower now. "maybe Cookie's just gonna have to suck it up, because you're not going anywhere." you murmur conclusively.
"...At least I hope not."
That makes him smile.
"You're sure you want a boyfriend who doesn't have the Cookie stamp of approval�" he mumbles sarcastically.
You chuckle "I think we can make it work."
Feeling dispirited still, but strangely loved, his limbs begin to relax, and he lets them sink into you as he actually begins to watch whatever had been playing on the TV.
Slowly, the warmth of your body and the soothing motion of your fingers threading through his hair lull him closer and closer to sleep.
A few hours pass, and Felix is now slumped against your lap rather than your shoulder. Your arm has fallen languidly to your side, and he can hear you snoring softly above him as he's pulled from his own unconsciousness.
Heavy eyes blink open on the now too-bright light of the netflix "are you still watching screen", and he immediately cringes.
Something is tickling his cheek.
He flinches, head snapping to his left while bleary eyes attempt to focus on whatever's hovering above him.
His face freezes in alarm β no, disbelief. Or maybe both.
It's Cookie β looking down at him with a similar expression. Except she seems to mainly be confused at what he's making such a fuss about.
She leans back in, her whiskers tickling his face again as she gives him a curious sniff. Felix resists the urge to wince away from the sensation. If he so much as moves a muscle, he'll surely scare her off.
She continues down his arm, wading her little legs through the river of blanket, before losing interest. Felix's eyes follow her the whole time, until she conclusively plops herself down next to his abdomen, just above his bent knees.
"No wayβ¦" Felix mutters in disbelief, not daring to move yet.
Slowly, cautiously, he reaches a hand down to scratch behind her ear with a single finger, half bracing for her to suddenly realise he's the same man she's been avoiding like the plague for the past few months, and dart.
But she doesn't, she stays right there, satisfied in her place.
He keeps scratching, hesitation slowly fading, and like a soft engine roaring to life, she begins to purr.
Felix breathes out a quiet laugh of absurd disbelief. "You're kidding me."
She pays him no mind, only adjusting her head so his hand can get a better angle at her ears.
"Just playing hard to get, huh?" his lips part into a toothy grin, bright and triumphant at last.
Cookie's rich purrs begin to fade as sleep reclaims him, and the only thing on his mind as he drifts off is how excited he is to tell you about this in the morning.
Hey guys! Sorry to the 2 followers who check my account for disappearing for 4-5 months π School was overwhelming me, I wasnt as into skz for a while, and it was hard to bring myself to write when I wasnt satisfied with anything I produced.
I'm not going to promise to start posting regularly, because I don't want to put pressure on myself, or set goals I don't know if I can or want to achieve. But I have been making an effort to be kinder to myself because I've realised that being hard on myself when it comes to pursuing things only paralyses me from doing them. In future I hope to improve my writing skills and interact with my interests through fanfiction, and hopefully adopting this healthier mindset means you'll see more of me :) (and better quality fics π)
Even though this fic is no magnum opus, and I'm sure it has flaws and awkward elements, I actually enjoyed writing this one alot more than anything else I've written. I think it's because I tried to prioritise pacing, flow and simple language rather than awkwardly trying to make every line and sentence "profound" or complicated π Not to be dramatic, but genuinely feeling like I've made some progress is lowkey so relieving and euphoric π
in conclusion: future pixie's gonna do her best and try not to bite off more than she can chew, and actually enjoy hobbies like you're fucking supposed to π«Ά
Author's note -> (my entry for the secret stay event by @emmiesoverthemoon and @makeitworse) Happy late Christmas and New year @lililixie ! Hope you enjoy <3
The thump of music is silenced into a muffled buzz as the door shuts behind you.
Felix has hardly spoken to you in the last hour or so, and with nothing but the bitter cold and the sound of your footsteps between you, the tension it birthed becomes suffocating.
"Gosh it's cold, should've brought a jacket."
You remark, bringing your hands to you bare arms to demonstrate. Hoping somehow that the small comment will break the ice and in turn, whatever problems were simmering below the surface.
It doesn't.
"Mmn." He hums β brief and clipped.
The thump of music was even further away now, abandoning you to suffer the strain between you alone like a punishment for something you don't even know you've done.
"Thanks for dropping me home." You turn to him, this time more antsy as you once again trying to lighten the air with small talk.
"No problem." He turns his head away as he delivers you another clipped response, the tension in his clenched jaw now highlighted by the streetlight overhead. His face, usually so soft and warm, looked so much harder like this β with this simmering anger.
It's hard to pinpoint when in the night your usually sunny and good natured friend's expression grew as stony as it is now, but it first became clear when you'd re-approached him after immersing yourself in the party atmosphere and catching up with friends you hadn't seen in a while. Drink in hand, grin on your lips, having the time he said he wanted you to, you asked when he wanted to go home.
"Now."
It caught you off guard. He was usually in his element in people-dense places filled with close friends and people he could get to know. But he was the one driving you home, so the call was his.
At first you'd worried something happened β a quarrel or unwanted presence he wanted to escape from, but that explanation became less and less likely when his cold demeanour continued to be directed at you β specifically.
The car ride was agonising, and although they only seemed to tighten the taught string of tension between you, you can't help but nervously dish out useless comments that were usually unneeded between two people so close.
"Nice night, isn't it?"
"It was good to see Jisung after so long."
"Music was a bit loud, wasn't it?"
All of which you'd get a more detailed answer from a magic eight ball.
You've been in the car twenty minutes now, and still this tense silence persists, any attempt to ease it through small comments or conversation starters proving futile by the brief, clipped responses of the man beside you.
Felix barely ever got mad at people, but when he did? It was quiet. Unmoving and punishing in it's silence.
It was even rarer for him to direct this anger towards you.
Eventually, you address the elephant in the room by asking the one question that should've been asked from the beginning.
"Felix, are you mad at me?"
He tenses, his face seeming to harden even further. Looking away from you as he makes a left turn, he ignores the question like he hadn't even heard it β like you'd brought up something unspeakable. Something that would be detrimental if answered.
You continue. "Felix if I did anything to upset you please just tell me."
The words leave you lips only to fall softly β helplessly into the air between you in another failed attempt, and the silence that follows is so empty, and you feel as though it'll never be broken.
"I didn't invite you to come with me just so you could flirt with my friends." He says suddenly, turning his head away from you as he makes a turn as if he's trying to keep the words from travelling in your direction. But they do β they hit you like a slap in the face and leave you bewildered, stunned into completely freezing.
Flirt...? Did you hear him right...?? For about 10 seconds you retrace your steps from the night, sink back into your jumbled memories and try remember every last person you spoke to, but in terms of revelations you come out empty handed.
"Flirt? What are you talking about??"
He must've felt insulted enough to look at you, because for the first time since he'd soured, his eyes found yours.
"Are you serious?" The question is blunt. "You were all over Jisung from the moment you saw him. It's like that's all you came for."
You're floored, unable to do anything to stare at him with your mouth hanging, first in shock, then in offence.
"I was not 'all over him'," Your own tone grows hostile with defensiveness now. "he's my friend, I hadn't seen him in a while and we were catching up."
He scoffs.
"Yeah, 'catching up'. Your arms were slung around each other the whole time while you were talking. You looked like a clingy couple who don't know how much pda is appropriate."
"We're close!"
"Oh you're close alright. Y'know I don't think you took your eyes off each other for a single second while you were talking, and you laughed at everything he said. Every single thing. Never stopped smiling, like he's the funniest guy in the world."
There's an accusation to his voice beyond what's already been layed out between you β an unspoken betrayal you don't know the source of yet one that is still being held against you.
The car slows to a stop at a traffic light, it's red hues casting down on you as if to fit the theme
"I was in a good humour! Isn't that why you invited me? So I could get out and have some fun??"
"You can have fun without flirting with my friend right in front of me!"
"I didn't flirt with anyone!"
"Well you're not good at hiding that you like him. You were looking at him like- like he was something special."
You almost snap back, flick more venom at him as revenge for the absurdity he's spewing your way, but thenβ¦
"You never look at me like that."
It's small, the continued tone of hostility not reaching it like it comes from a feeling too tender and sensitive to yell about β a deep sea pearl forming in the shell of his heart long before this momentβ¦ and you don't know what to do now that it's in the open, suddenly yelling doesn't feel right anymore.
The light goes green, and he drives on. The smooth sound of the running engine fills the space as you try to process his words and find some kind of response to them.
"What..?"
The sudden soften in your voice, the genuine, gentle confusion, sparks the bitter anger that has died down momentarily, stronger now β punishing, vengeful and oh so hurt.
"You never look at me like that." He snaps "You never look at me like I'm- like I'm ever going to be more than I already am. I'm not special, I'm familiar; Felix who you've known for years, who you see all the time and who already knows everything about you. Nothing new, nothing exciting or special or desirable. Just constant. Constantly there but neverβ¦"
He gulps β a stutter or hesitation.
"never anything other than that."
His words tumble out clumsily, loosing the cold sharpness they previously had and crumbling into a messy display of pent up heartache and frustration β they don't have the edge to hurt you with intention, only to make your heart ache with the rawness of them.
"You are special Felixβ¦ You're important to me, you're my friendβ"
"I don't want to be your friend!" He roars suddenly, leaving everything eerily still.
You can see his adams apple bob like a lump he's trying to swallow, his chin trembling before tensing in an attempt to hold back what was now trying to spill out of him β he knows he's just changed what's between you in a way he'll never be able to go back on all because of that stupid little string of impulsive words, and for the first time since this argument began β he regrets what he's just said. Or more-so, saying anything in the first place.
You stare β still as the silence between you, at the man beside you. Not with particular concentration on the way his facial features are curling, but at the new light that's now shone upon him. Sitting with the fact that nothing is ever going to be the same ever again with a sort of astonishment.
And you're not finished doing so as the car makes a familiar turn into your apartments parking lot, soon swinging into the space Felix always parked in a few moments later.
"Get out." He commands, voice gravelly, jaw tensed in stubborn bitterness that doesn't come as naturally as it did earlier.
You don't answer. You don't move, not even your eyes, and the stare only fills Felix with an urgency to get you away from him.
He turns his head head further away from you like a sulking child. "I said get out."
Slowly, you return to earth. To the moment your mind abandoned being present in, your focus now fully absorbed by the collapsing sight that is Felix; turned away from you, elbow on the armrest of the car door and fist under his chin as his words sit between you. Getting out of the car, leaving him like thatβ¦ It doesn't feel right β it aches.
You clamber across the glove box before your mind can form a second thought, hitting your knee against the gear stick as you scramble for him.
He snaps his head round, not even getting to take the sight of you in properly before your knees begin clumsily digging into his thighs to find balance.
Your lips crash into his, and he stops breathing.
You take his cheeks into the palms of your hands, holding him there like his lips would run away from you, and he sighs like a weights been lift off his chest when you come back for more after the initial kiss. You lean into each other, moulding your mouths with an intensity that borders on overwhelming.
His hands crawl up to your lower back, resting there with his fingers curled slightly into the fabric beneath it, like he wants to pull you close but is scared to break this delicate moment. He's not even completely sure you're real.
When your lips finally pull apart from one another, and you lean back enough to get a good look at him, he's looking up at you with wide, bug eyes that don't look like they even recognise you β like you're a stranger on his lap.
"What was that??" He asks, blankly.
You almost laugh, and despite it not leaving your lips your eyes curl slightly with the warmth of it.
"A kissβ¦"
"Why?" He blurts.
You don't answer, not right away, and at your hesitation he impatiently leans forward, tilting his head to lock your lips as securely as possible. His hands move upward, no longer hesitant, forearms pressing against your shoulder and ribs to pull you into him.
He'd waited forever, and finally it felt like he could breathe again. The catharsis was too much, too great.
His breath stutters against your mouth as his eyes begin to burn. But he doesn't pull away, only brings his palms up to cup your cheeks just like you'd done, determined to kiss you even if he does it weeping.
HONK!
You both jolt at the abrupt, obnoxious noise. Felix had leaned you too far back and straight into the horn of the steering wheel, and you both sit staring at each other like you've been caught doing something you shouldn't have before falling into soft, breathy giggles β his forehead tipping forward against yours, cheeks graced with wet streams that catch the light of the moon.
The moment is gentle, like there had never been an argument and the air between you hadn't been strained for the past two hours β no, now you melt into each other like this was always how it was meant to be.
"So uhβ¦"
You tilt your head. "So what�"
"Soβ¦" He continues "what does this meanβ¦?"
For someone who was grasping at you like he needed you a few moments ago, he seems adorably shy now. You smile, and reach up to cup his face and swipe your thumb across the wet paths his tears left behind.
"Thatβ¦" You trail off to find adequate words. "I don't want to be friends either. Notβnot just friends, more than thatβ¦"
A warm, beautiful smile blooms on his lips, one you barely get to see before they're on yours again β drinking you in, kissing you sweetly as if to seal those words.
He pulls away, but not far. Staying only an inch or two away from your face.
"Can we uhm... go inside�" He asks sheepishly, like a teenage boy that can't contain his excitement.
"Huhβ?" You snap your head towards the view of your apartment building from the car window, forgetting the purpose of the journey in the first place.
"Ohβ yeah, yeah come on." You scramble to gather yourself, reaching for the door handle and clambering out, turning around to clasp Felix's hand once you're on the ground. He grins at the contact, intertwining your fingers as he rises, and you both set off into the cool night air.
Author's note -> (my entry for the secret stay event by @emmiesoverthemoon and @makeitworse) Happy late Christmas and New year @lililixie ! Hope you enjoy <3
The thump of music is silenced into a muffled buzz as the door shuts behind you.
Felix has hardly spoken to you in the last hour or so, and with nothing but the bitter cold and the sound of your footsteps between you, the tension it birthed becomes suffocating.
"Gosh it's cold, should've brought a jacket."
You remark, bringing your hands to you bare arms to demonstrate. Hoping somehow that the small comment will break the ice and in turn, whatever problems were simmering below the surface.
It doesn't.
"Mmn." He hums β brief and clipped.
The thump of music was even further away now, abandoning you to suffer the strain between you alone like a punishment for something you don't even know you've done.
"Thanks for dropping me home." You turn to him, this time more antsy as you once again trying to lighten the air with small talk.
"No problem." He turns his head away as he delivers you another clipped response, the tension in his clenched jaw now highlighted by the streetlight overhead. His face, usually so soft and warm, looked so much harder like this β with this simmering anger.
It's hard to pinpoint when in the night your usually sunny and good natured friend's expression grew as stony as it is now, but it first became clear when you'd re-approached him after immersing yourself in the party atmosphere and catching up with friends you hadn't seen in a while. Drink in hand, grin on your lips, having the time he said he wanted you to, you asked when he wanted to go home.
"Now."
It caught you off guard. He was usually in his element in people-dense places filled with close friends and people he could get to know. But he was the one driving you home, so the call was his.
At first you'd worried something happened β a quarrel or unwanted presence he wanted to escape from, but that explanation became less and less likely when his cold demeanour continued to be directed at you β specifically.
The car ride was agonising, and although they only seemed to tighten the taught string of tension between you, you can't help but nervously dish out useless comments that were usually unneeded between two people so close.
"Nice night, isn't it?"
"It was good to see Jisung after so long."
"Music was a bit loud, wasn't it?"
All of which you'd get a more detailed answer from a magic eight ball.
You've been in the car twenty minutes now, and still this tense silence persists, any attempt to ease it through small comments or conversation starters proving futile by the brief, clipped responses of the man beside you.
Felix barely ever got mad at people, but when he did? It was quiet. Unmoving and punishing in it's silence.
It was even rarer for him to direct this anger towards you.
Eventually, you address the elephant in the room by asking the one question that should've been asked from the beginning.
"Felix, are you mad at me?"
He tenses, his face seeming to harden even further. Looking away from you as he makes a left turn, he ignores the question like he hadn't even heard it β like you'd brought up something unspeakable. Something that would be detrimental if answered.
You continue. "Felix if I did anything to upset you please just tell me."
The words leave you lips only to fall softly β helplessly into the air between you in another failed attempt, and the silence that follows is so empty, and you feel as though it'll never be broken.
"I didn't invite you to come with me just so you could flirt with my friends." He says suddenly, turning his head away from you as he makes a turn as if he's trying to keep the words from travelling in your direction. But they do β they hit you like a slap in the face and leave you bewildered, stunned into completely freezing.
Flirt...? Did you hear him right...?? For about 10 seconds you retrace your steps from the night, sink back into your jumbled memories and try remember every last person you spoke to, but in terms of revelations you come out empty handed.
"Flirt? What are you talking about??"
He must've felt insulted enough to look at you, because for the first time since he'd soured, his eyes found yours.
"Are you serious?" The question is blunt. "You were all over Jisung from the moment you saw him. It's like that's all you came for."
You're floored, unable to do anything to stare at him with your mouth hanging, first in shock, then in offence.
"I was not 'all over him'," Your own tone grows hostile with defensiveness now. "he's my friend, I hadn't seen him in a while and we were catching up."
He scoffs.
"Yeah, 'catching up'. Your arms were slung around each other the whole time while you were talking. You looked like a clingy couple who don't know how much pda is appropriate."
"We're close!"
"Oh you're close alright. Y'know I don't think you took your eyes off each other for a single second while you were talking, and you laughed at everything he said. Every single thing. Never stopped smiling, like he's the funniest guy in the world."
There's an accusation to his voice beyond what's already been layed out between you β an unspoken betrayal you don't know the source of yet one that is still being held against you.
The car slows to a stop at a traffic light, it's red hues casting down on you as if to fit the theme
"I was in a good humour! Isn't that why you invited me? So I could get out and have some fun??"
"You can have fun without flirting with my friend right in front of me!"
"I didn't flirt with anyone!"
"Well you're not good at hiding that you like him. You were looking at him like- like he was something special."
You almost snap back, flick more venom at him as revenge for the absurdity he's spewing your way, but thenβ¦
"You never look at me like that."
It's small, the continued tone of hostility not reaching it like it comes from a feeling too tender and sensitive to yell about β a deep sea pearl forming in the shell of his heart long before this momentβ¦ and you don't know what to do now that it's in the open, suddenly yelling doesn't feel right anymore.
The light goes green, and he drives on. The smooth sound of the running engine fills the space as you try to process his words and find some kind of response to them.
"What..?"
The sudden soften in your voice, the genuine, gentle confusion, sparks the bitter anger that has died down momentarily, stronger now β punishing, vengeful and oh so hurt.
"You never look at me like that." He snaps "You never look at me like I'm- like I'm ever going to be more than I already am. I'm not special, I'm familiar; Felix who you've known for years, who you see all the time and who already knows everything about you. Nothing new, nothing exciting or special or desirable. Just constant. Constantly there but neverβ¦"
He gulps β a stutter or hesitation.
"never anything other than that."
His words tumble out clumsily, loosing the cold sharpness they previously had and crumbling into a messy display of pent up heartache and frustration β they don't have the edge to hurt you with intention, only to make your heart ache with the rawness of them.
"You are special Felixβ¦ You're important to me, you're my friendβ"
"I don't want to be your friend!" He roars suddenly, leaving everything eerily still.
You can see his adams apple bob like a lump he's trying to swallow, his chin trembling before tensing in an attempt to hold back what was now trying to spill out of him β he knows he's just changed what's between you in a way he'll never be able to go back on all because of that stupid little string of impulsive words, and for the first time since this argument began β he regrets what he's just said. Or more-so, saying anything in the first place.
You stare β still as the silence between you, at the man beside you. Not with particular concentration on the way his facial features are curling, but at the new light that's now shone upon him. Sitting with the fact that nothing is ever going to be the same ever again with a sort of astonishment.
And you're not finished doing so as the car makes a familiar turn into your apartments parking lot, soon swinging into the space Felix always parked in a few moments later.
"Get out." He commands, voice gravelly, jaw tensed in stubborn bitterness that doesn't come as naturally as it did earlier.
You don't answer. You don't move, not even your eyes, and the stare only fills Felix with an urgency to get you away from him.
He turns his head head further away from you like a sulking child. "I said get out."
Slowly, you return to earth. To the moment your mind abandoned being present in, your focus now fully absorbed by the collapsing sight that is Felix; turned away from you, elbow on the armrest of the car door and fist under his chin as his words sit between you. Getting out of the car, leaving him like thatβ¦ It doesn't feel right β it aches.
You clamber across the glove box before your mind can form a second thought, hitting your knee against the gear stick as you scramble for him.
He snaps his head round, not even getting to take the sight of you in properly before your knees begin clumsily digging into his thighs to find balance.
Your lips crash into his, and he stops breathing.
You take his cheeks into the palms of your hands, holding him there like his lips would run away from you, and he sighs like a weights been lift off his chest when you come back for more after the initial kiss. You lean into each other, moulding your mouths with an intensity that borders on overwhelming.
His hands crawl up to your lower back, resting there with his fingers curled slightly into the fabric beneath it, like he wants to pull you close but is scared to break this delicate moment. He's not even completely sure you're real.
When your lips finally pull apart from one another, and you lean back enough to get a good look at him, he's looking up at you with wide, bug eyes that don't look like they even recognise you β like you're a stranger on his lap.
"What was that??" He asks, blankly.
You almost laugh, and despite it not leaving your lips your eyes curl slightly with the warmth of it.
"A kissβ¦"
"Why?" He blurts.
You don't answer, not right away, and at your hesitation he impatiently leans forward, tilting his head to lock your lips as securely as possible. His hands move upward, no longer hesitant, forearms pressing against your shoulder and ribs to pull you into him.
He'd waited forever, and finally it felt like he could breathe again. The catharsis was too much, too great.
His breath stutters against your mouth as his eyes begin to burn. But he doesn't pull away, only brings his palms up to cup your cheeks just like you'd done, determined to kiss you even if he does it weeping.
HONK!
You both jolt at the abrupt, obnoxious noise. Felix had leaned you too far back and straight into the horn of the steering wheel, and you both sit staring at each other like you've been caught doing something you shouldn't have before falling into soft, breathy giggles β his forehead tipping forward against yours, cheeks graced with wet streams that catch the light of the moon.
The moment is gentle, like there had never been an argument and the air between you hadn't been strained for the past two hours β no, now you melt into each other like this was always how it was meant to be.
"So uhβ¦"
You tilt your head. "So what�"
"Soβ¦" He continues "what does this meanβ¦?"
For someone who was grasping at you like he needed you a few moments ago, he seems adorably shy now. You smile, and reach up to cup his face and swipe your thumb across the wet paths his tears left behind.
"Thatβ¦" You trail off to find adequate words. "I don't want to be friends either. Notβnot just friends, more than thatβ¦"
A warm, beautiful smile blooms on his lips, one you barely get to see before they're on yours again β drinking you in, kissing you sweetly as if to seal those words.
He pulls away, but not far. Staying only an inch or two away from your face.
"Can we uhm... go inside�" He asks sheepishly, like a teenage boy that can't contain his excitement.
"Huhβ?" You snap your head towards the view of your apartment building from the car window, forgetting the purpose of the journey in the first place.
"Ohβ yeah, yeah come on." You scramble to gather yourself, reaching for the door handle and clambering out, turning around to clasp Felix's hand once you're on the ground. He grins at the contact, intertwining your fingers as he rises, and you both set off into the cool night air.
Ι . abstract. even if it's late, you don't mind spending the time with felix. not if it's what he needs. isn't that what lovers do for each other?
Ι . warnings / tags. established relationship. idol!felix. insomniac!felix. very fluffy.
itβs three in the morning and the only light in the living room is the soft, blueish glow from the tv menu. youβre sprawled out on the floor, back against the base of the sofa, with a half-empty bag of chips between your knees. felix is right there with you, his shoulder pressed firmly against yours as he intensely focuses on the video game screen.
"left, left! noβthe other left, 'lix!" you hiss, leaning your whole body into him as if thatβll somehow help him steer better.
he lets out a frustrated, breathy little laugh, his thumbs flying across the controller. "i'm trying! the sensitivity is so high, i can'tβoh, come on!"
the 'game over' screen flashes in bright, mocking colors. felix groans, letting his head thud back against the cushions of the couch. he drops the controller onto the carpet and just stays there for a second, eyes closed, chest rising and falling with a dramatic sigh.
"you're useless," you tease, reaching over to poke his ribs. "we've been on this level for forty minutes."
he doesn't even open his eyes, but a tired, lopsided grin spreads across his face. "it's not my fault. i'm distracted."
"by what? the chips?"
"by you," he mumbles. he finally opens his eyes, turning his head to look at you. his hair is a total mess, sticking up in different directions from where heβs been running his hands through it in stress, and his eyes are a little glassy from sleepiness, but he looks so incredibly content. "you keep shouting in my ear. it's very unprofessional of you."
"i'm your coach," you say, grabbing a chip and holding it out to him. "coaches are supposed to be loud. now eat your sustenance and get back in there."
he bites the chip out of your fingers, his cool rings brushing against your knuckles for a brief second. instead of picking up the controller, though, he shifts. he slides down until heβs sitting fully on the floor with you, back against the couch, and pulls you into his side. he hooks his arm around your shoulders, drawing you in until your head is resting in that perfect little notch of his collarbone.
"i think i'm retired," he whispers, his voice dropping into that deep, gravelly tone it gets when he's exhausted. "the coach is too mean. i'm hanging up the jersey."
you laugh quietly, the sound muffled against his hoodie. "you're so dramatic. we were literally just playing a racing game."
"it was a high-stakes environment," he insists. he starts idly playing with the ends of your hair, twisting a strand around his finger. the apartment is silent except for the low hum of the refrigerator and the distant sound of a car passing by outside. it feels like the two of you are the only people awake in the entire city.
this is your favorite version of him. not the one under the bright stage lights or the one constantly moving in dance practice, but this quiet, soft-edged version of felix that only exists in the early hours of the morning. the one who smells like vanilla laundry detergent and wears oversized hoodies with sleeves that cover half his hands.
"hey," he says after a long silence.
"yeah?"
"thank you for staying up with me." his voice is tiny, almost shy. "i know you have stuff to do tomorrow, but... my brain wouldn't shut off. it's better when you're here."
you shift your head so you can look up at him. his face is so close; you can see the faint shadow of sleep under his eyes and the way his lashes cast long shadows on his skin. you reach up, your fingers tracing the line of his jaw before resting on his cheek.
"you don't have to thank me for that, 'lix. i'd rather be here losing at games with you than sleeping anyway."
he leans into your palm, his eyes fluttering shut for a moment. "liar. you love sleep."
"i love you more," you counter simply.
the corners of his mouth twitch. "yeah? even when i'm failing at the easy levels?"
"even then. though it was pretty embarrassing to watch."
he lets out a soft huff of a laugh and pulls you closer, tucking his chin over the top of your head. "i'll get better. tomorrow. or, well... later today, i guess."
you close your eyes, letting the steady, rhythmic beat of his heart soothe you. itβs easy to get lost in the chaos of his lifeβthe schedules, the travel, the constant noiseβbut moments like this feel like an anchor. just two people on a living room floor, surrounded by chip crumbs and glowing screens, with nowhere else they'd rather be.
"we should probably go to bed," you murmur, though you make no move to get up. "it's almost four."
"five more minutes," he pleads, his grip tightening just a fraction. "just stay like this for five more minutes. the floor is actually kind of comfortable."
"the floor is hardwood, felix. your back is going to hate you."
"it's okay. you're soft. i'll just lean on you."
you roll your eyes, but you settle back against him, letting your hand wander to find his. his fingers immediately interlace with yours, his thumb rubbing slow, soothing circles over the back of your hand. he starts humming a melody you don't recognizeβsomething slow and honey-sweetβand you feel the tension leave your body entirely.
after a while, his humming tapers off into slow, deep breaths. you realize his head has gotten heavier on yours, and his thumb has stopped moving. heβs fallen asleep right there on the floor.
you should wake him up. you should tell him to go to the actual mattress five feet away. but he looks so peaceful, the blue light from the tv catching the bridge of his nose and the soft curve of his lips. he looks like heβs finally found some quiet.
so, you just stay. you adjust your position slightly so he won't wake up with a sore neck, and you close your eyes too. the game menu is still looping its repetitive music in the background, but you don't mind. as long as heβs breathing next to you, holding your hand like itβs the only thing keeping him grounded, everything is exactly where it needs to be.
"love you, 'lix," you whisper into the dark.
he doesn't wake up, but he makes a small, contented sound in his sleep and pulls your hand closer to his chest, tucking it right over his heart.
itβs a long walk to morning, but with him, you don't mind the distance at all.
