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berryjellymilk

coldafternoon-deactivated202102

idk who i am but i don’t like her

ledecor

art-woonz

Art By IG: @chloegiordano_embroidery

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I wanna post my feelings but I don’t actually want anyone to read it so I’m going to post here.

I don’t even really know where to start. I’m just so fucking upset. I feel like I’m really alone like no matter who is in my life I can’t talk to anyone and it doesn’t even matter to talk because nothing will ever change and I will always feel this way. I don’t know what I’m doing. I just don’t want to exist anymore. I can’t stand it. The only thing that actually makes me happy isn’t something that is secure in my life. I feel like at any second he could disappear completely. I feel like it’s such a real possibility. They way he describes his emotions makes me feel like he could never really love me. How could he? I don’t understand what he wants from me. He is completely unpredictable. I don’t know what to believe he says all these things but honestly i have no idea what is going on in his mind. I thing he is totally capable of just leaving me. And I’ve based everything around him. Absolutely everything. Ugh. I’m not even a person anymore I’m nothing I haven’t been anything in years I don’t know what I’m doing anymore but oh my god I love him so fucking much. I really love him. I love him so much that sometimes it feels like the worst thing in the world. I don’t understand anything. I don’t know what to do. I wish i were dead. I wish I could change anything. But I can’t because I love him and this is just how it’s is i guess. This is just how it will always be. I’m sure I’ll read this in the morning and somehow hate myself more than i already do right now.

#personal