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Misery loves company

Jim Walters (Chilling Devotion) x GN!reader

Word count: 3,5k

Summary: You realize that after a couple of solitary months spent at the cabin, you can't continue to live like this. But can you really change anything?

TW: toxic dynamics, yandare, paranoia, dissociation but only at the start

Author note: I tried something new at the end so lmk what yall think about it!!

Author note 2: i also feel like the beggining is a little bit rushed but this fic still turned out longo balls nontheless

You weren't sure what date it was anymore. The repetetive everyday routines made you numb towards your situation. But you couldn't really bring yourself towards caring, not after everything that happened to you.

You forgot what it's like to fear the end of days. Week after week, you also began forgetting your previous life. Pretty mediocre life that was.

But it's not like you wanted to die. Maybe just stop the time enough to prevent it from slipping through your fingers.

The life with Jim, up in the snowy cabin wasn't that bad. You two were pretty established - he cooked you food, took care of you when you were sick, talked with you and entertained you whenever you wanted; you'd even have sex every now and then. But he'd occasionally dissapear. Whether it was to go hunt, fish or set up traps. Once or twice he even left to get supplies in the nearby town. You wondered what it was like - and that's what was killing you. How trapped you felt. Here, in these four wooden walls you didn't dare to leave anymore. You didn't know when was the last time you felt the warm golden sunshine kissing your skin. But there used to be a few instances when you tried to run away, only to end up back in the cabin one way or another.

Your last attempt at escaping was quite a long time ago too. This apathetic state of yours was the result of it. Kind of a reconciliation. An acceptance that this was your life now, no matter what happens. The idea that one day you'll just be gone didn't really bother you anymore.

All in all, you've lost yourself.

Or so you thought, maybe even slightly hoped for.

It was one of those days when Jim wasn't around. You stared at the crackling fire, occasionally glancing at the wooden carved wolf placed on the mantle. Waiting was really your only option. The drowning waiting.

You tugged at the sleeve of your shirt, toying with the hem with your fingers - a habit you picked on out of boredom. When suddenly...

Snap.

The old stitching came loose and you tore open a hole. It wasn't big, just noticable enough. Maybe the size of a penny, sitting right above the bluish vein on your wrist.

What a shame, it was your favorite.

You tugged again, just gently and more focused, to see if it would come undone even more. And it did. The hole quickly stretched across your entire hand, ripping the fabric to the point it was nearly hanging agape.

It was your favorite because you had it for a few years now. The most comfortable shirt you owned. You remembered buying it in a thrift shop when it was on sale, so happy for the colors and fitting it provided. That day you went with your buddies, just close from the mall and the cinema where you guys used to go almost every week back when you lived back in the city.

As if a wave, you began to remember. At first with small ripples, barely wavering the surface, but it wasn't long until the tides of all your memories crashed into you, capturing your body in it's strong current.

The mall had arcades and a few shops where you used to work one summer, just part time. There was a skate ring and café too. You remembered sitting there, the smell of coffee and tea, the laugh of your best friend.

How could you forget.

It was too much. All the perceptions popping into your head, the smells, the sights, crushing you in a overwhelming guilt.

How could you forget. How could you grow so apathetic. So pessimistic.

Your kneens gave in as you slowly descended to the floor, still in front of the hearth, the lazy flames illuminating your teary eyes in a warm hue. The guilt was quickly replaced by a gut twisting panic. You had to get out of here - you had to grab your life into your own hands again.

But could you?

As if on cue, the heavy front door opened, letting bursts of chilling air enter, carrying droplets of tiny snowflakes which will melt soon. Followed with the sound of lock being clicked in place, Jim began discarding his jacket, hat and face cover. One of the many stable mundane pillars of your current life.

"Hey," he greeted with a fain smile, his eyes trying to find yours.

You scanned his frame for a bit before replying with a much more quieter "Hi."

He approached the kitchen, helping himself to some cocoa while the gears in your head turned. You weren't sure if he still thought of you as a runaway, trying to escape every given chance. Even if he already trusted you enough to not do it again, you could never be too sure.

"When was the last time you went to town?" you asked absently, almost too casually.

He gave you an unreadable look, the same as he always did. "Why? We have everything we need." he replied.

"I think I need some new clothes. All my old ones are tored up." still glaring into the fire, you inconspicuously turned your sleeve so he could see it better from afar.

Jim took the whistling kettle from the stove, pouring it's contents into two cups.

"I can always sew it for you, you know." he turned away from the counter, now facing you fully.

"Hm. That would be kind of you." you finally met his gaze, small smile plastered on your lips. Your eyes were full of kindness, that kind which deepened trust. "But- " you continued, breaking both the eye contact and your smile. "-I think I need something a bit lighter. For spring! I mean, it's almost here, I won't need all the layers anymore.

Jim's brows twitched into a frown. You were aware that your request didn't make sense, but you really didn't have any clothes to spare. Besides the one suitcase you packed all this time ago for the one relaxing week. You were realizing your disadvantages, so before he could reply with anything esle, you stood up and walked over to him by the counter. With an inviting motion you took his hand into yours, intertwining our finger with his, tugging him softly closer. You gently placed the other one on his cheeks and his jaw, feeling it tense under your touch. No words were needed as you placed a quick peck on his mouth.

Hi face was betrayed by the reddening of his cheeks and ears. Another frown knitted his brows together.

"I'll look into my closet." he said patiently, almost sweetly.

Your sour expression was enough of an answer, but the hand on his face was still caressing him lovingly.

"...I'll get something next time I go." the man spoke again.

"But I want to go with you!! I want to see what you do in a day like that. What you see, who you talk to..." you wrapped your arms around his tense shoulders.

"I want to be with you."

Jim was quiet for some time before reluctantly saying "It's dangerous."

His answer was once again short and cold, leaving no room for arguing. Your hands slowly fell back to your sides as you retrieved. This wasn't succes but that doesn't mean you won't stop trying.

~~~

The pleading look in your eyes was breaking Jim's heart.

His jacket was now replaced by a thicker hoodie, his face cover scrunched down at his neck and his beanie on. One hand was on the doorknob, the other was forcefully gripped by you.

A few long weeks have passed since you tried to convince him to let you into the town. You tried to bring it up a couple of times but he always dissmissed you with the same repetetive and careful answers for why it's a bad idea. You had to make a move, act with actions and not only words.

"I'm sorry, (Name)." was the only thing he murmured when he escaped your grasp with one flick of his wrist. The cold air from outside hit you like a bus as Jim stepped outside. You followed him, but he stopped and swung the door just enough to see you only through a mere crack, eyeing you suspiciously. You pushed on the wooden entrance but it didn't move an inch.

"Jim!" your voice came out almost a growl.

Both of your gazes met, stern and cold. Reluctantly you said, "Fine." A challenge. You shut the door, listening closely. Just as you expected, the sound of keys dangling from the other sideand the steps of leather boots followed.

In a flash, you stepped closer to and started fidgeting with the window. It took you a while, stressing if he didn't already leave, as time was against you. But alas, you succseeded.

You swung both sides of the window open and dropped onto the floor, running towards Jim who was about to start the engine on his motorbike. Without hesitation you threw yourself and sat behind him. He flinched as he turned to face you, clearly startled and not expecting you'd actually do it. He stared at you for what felt like eternity, but you could feel the consideration behind his eyes as your bodies were pressed together.

He sighed, turning away towards the front again. "Alright, but stay in my sight at all times, okay?"

You grinned as he turned on the engine. "And... Hold on tight." he muttered the last part so quietly you almost didn't catch it. Your hands wrapped around his torso, fingers digging into the fabric (and the skin underneath) almost seductivelly. You were sure the blush on his face was prominent.

The ride down was rocky and uncomfortable, and due to your biting anticipation, seemingly very long. But it felt so freeing. The bare minimum of stepping outside was enough to make you pop like a volcano out of pure happiness. A thought crossed your mind. Would you be able to escape - to run away if necessary? You had all your necessitiess in your various pockets, the only thing holding you down would be your overwhelming nervousness and indecisiveness. And Jim. You swallowed hard against his back. The cold wind biting into your face, sharp like glass shards or rusty nails, sharper than your remorses.

Faraway silhouettes of houses became visible in the foggy distance, behind the trees and snow. And with it, the creeping feeling pooling at the bottom of your stomach.

Jim stopped by one of the shops. The wooden exterior spoke stories of the harsh forces of nature and time, safely sheilding anyone and anything inside. Similary, most of the buildings had the same feel. Overgrown with moss and vines, those kinds who could withstand the local winters, old cobblestone and various other materials were in nice contrast with the brickish roof tiles.

"Stay close." the man spoke as he hopped off, shuffling through some bags to grab. You nodded and followed inside the shop.

Your stomach dropped even more, despite the welcoming warm air.

All the walls were lined with various ropes, hooks and traps. Anything for fishing and hunting from simple nets and knives to rifles and shotguns. On the far side, right behind the counter were taxidermied bucks, meese and boars, alongside with some other wild animals. You felt your throat tighten and the discomfort seeping into the marrow of your bones.

You did feel bad, there was no doubt, but you had to remind yourself that Jim had to buy from here to simply survive. A man's got to eat afterall.

The stop here was quick. The blonde probably noticed your nervousness and took you by your hand the moment you stepped your foot outside. But the look in his face wasn't comforting at all. His eyes were lidded and his lips were curved into a faint smile, as if taking pride in the fact he's your only thing you know, only safe space out here in this unknown. A chill ran down your spine, making you shudder. You hoped he didn't notice or that he'd blame it on the cold. You had to get away, the alarm in your head blared, at least for just a minute.

"We should get the clothes you wanted." he said, still eyeing you carefully like a hawk.

You agreed once again with a simple nod.

He headed into building a bit further down the main road, if you could even call it that. It was more modern but the inside was surpringly cozy and charming, smelling like vanilla and wood - you supposed that everything around here smelled like the latter, even Jim, even the cabin. Plants lined the windowsills, adding a nice touch of green in the sea of clothing racks. A thrift shop of sorts. You began flipping through them, taking your precious time, hoping that the man would lose interest just for a scond. But no. You felt his presence close to you at all times, hovering over you, almost pressing into your back. When you realized this tactic wouldn't work, you picked a couple of pieces you liked and announced to Jim with defeat how these ones are the ones you'd like to have.

The next stop was a store you couldn't quite place - it seemed to sell just about anything. An antique store? Probably not...

From your spot behind Jim, you could hear him talking to the cashier, giving them a few of his carvings and getting some money in return. The two of them talked for a bit longer but despite the cashiers euthusiastic and inviting nature, the man still gave just dry simple one word answers.

You decided to look around a bit. Stepping deep between the stacked shelves you gazed at all the trinkets, doodads and whatnots. You could easily get lost in here, but you wouldn't really mind; it was so strangely beautiful.

When you felt like you've gotten far enough, something, or rather someone grabbed your shoulder. Jolting in a unexpected shock, you turned towards the owner of the hand.

"I told you to stay close." Jim's voice wasn't angry just... factual.

You gulped, suppressing the string of curses you'd sya to anyone who startled you like this, anyone who wasn't Jim.

"Sorry." you muttered, slightly worried, feeling his grip tighten before releasing right after, as if not wanting to let go.

The bell on the door rang as you both exited.

You wandered the streets, stopping ocasionally to take the sight in. Jim always patiently waited, turned to face you fully, until you were ready to move again. He wouldn't usually spent this much time here in the town, but he couldn't afford leaving you even for a second. The air was tense, charged with unspoken words, but not in a good way.

"I'm hungry," you said after a while, glacing into his icy eyes. "and I think I want head home soon." A lie.

"Hm... What do you want first?" he asked.

"I'd rather eat, to be honest." scraching the back of your neck, you answered truthfully.

His eyes narrowed at the response. "Are you sure? You don't want to get road sick."

"No, I'm sure. I don't get road sick that easily." you tried to give him a tired smile, but it didn't really reach your eyes.

You knew that when it came to food, Jim could be quite strange. Weird unknown ingredients or the unmistakable sound of lock clicking in place everytime he worked in kitchen. You couldn't forget the weird tasting perservatives that you once thought were just blackberries, or the way you always felt fatigue after eating...

Maybe it was all just coincidences, but your suspicion was still there.

"Okay, but please just stay here." he gave you a voulnarable look. It stung your heart - when it came to looking like a sad kicked puppy, he could win a prize for that. Before he dissapeared in the doorway of a nearby bakery, he turned to make sure you're still there, just for a second. Your mind was blank, seemingly not being able to react. After such a long time it felt weird to be out and alone. As if watching it from another person's point of view, not entirely sure if this body even belonged to you anymore...

A sound brought you back to reality, snapping your head directly towards the source. It was a strong engine of a dark green pickup truck, slowly making it's way on the rocky road. You turned to see the direction it was heading - surely when it'll pass you it'll turn right and onto the better looking trail, it'll go faster and far away from here.

This could be your chance.

But could you really do it? After all those weeks in the cabin, after everything you went through with Jim... You weren't sure.

The cold breeze swayed a couple snowflakes against your hot skin, you scrunched up your eyebrows as you thought.

What will you do?

1. Run

2. Stay

1. Run

It was now or never. There was no time to spare. You legs worked faster than your brain could, moving out of the way of the truck and behind it, following it with steady movements. Your steps turnes into swift strides - a hare running for it's dear life. The car was speeding up and so were you. The adrenaline seeped into your body even more when you heard the bell of one of those shops behind you, followed by a too familiar deep voice calling out your name. Jim's tone was gut wrenching and full of betreyal but you didn't look back. You couldn't. His steps followed yours, the sound of his boots hitting the last layers of snow on the road acompanied by yours. You were terrified, he will catch you, you were sure of it - you ran like your life depended on it, because it did. Not even wanting to think about the consequences, your run became more hectic and paniced, panting filling the air in cloud-like vapor.

When suddenly, you felt you eyes widen at the sigh in front of you - the truck slowed down on the crossroad. Just enough for you to throw yourself in clumsily, knocking down it's tailgate in the process. You elbow hurt from the harsh fall, sure it'll leave an ugly bruise, but you didn't care. Vibrations were sent throughout your body as the vehicle sped up again, even more than ever before, leaving this forsaken town behind.

You gasped and wheezed for the cold air ripping at your throat. Looking back for the last time your widened eyes were caught in Jim's. His silhouette slowed down completely until he stood at the middle of the road, expression cold and hurt, slowly dissapearing in the fog and trees as the truck picked up on it's speed.

It was a strange feeling, the last moments you shared there. You didn't even notice the flashing nature on both of your sides as you moved.

You didn't even know where you were, how long it's been or where you're headed. It felt like eternities, really. Of course, you could hop off any time, but you were still paralyzed with fear. Your fingers were beginning to freeze off, but you couldn't feel it anynore.

Will he find you again? Will he follow you? Will you truly ever be free?

A million question spinned inside your head, but at least for now, you could finally let your heavy eyelids droop as the cooing sound of the warm engined purred underneath your body. You were safe for now. Cold, scared and probably catching a fever, but safe. You didn't really know for how long, but you smiled to yourself anyway, just barely, just slightly, as you layed your head down. You really did it.

You got away.

2. Stay

You couldn't do it, couldn't run away even if you wanted to. You couldn't break the man's heart like that... or maybe even your own.

The life with Jim, up in the snowy cabin wasn't that bad. You two were pretty established - he cooked you food, took care of you when you were sick, talked and entertained you whenever you wanted; you'd even have sex every now and then. He'd occasionally dissapear. But maybe this time you could join he everytime he'd go.

Maybe that was enough for you. The ocasional trip to the town, into the nature - you wouldn't feel so trapped anymore, you wouldn't be the bird in the golden cage. A step towards a more comfortable future.

Love doesn't make you a coward.

So in a way you really did take you own life into your own hands. Deciding what's best for you, deciding that this is what you truly want.

At least for now.

You stepped closer to the bakery, out of the road and out of the way from the green truck. Your eyes were fixated onto the snow around your shoes, you almost didn't notice the sound of the bell from the doorway. You lifted up your chin to look at the man in front of you, holding something to eat in a pastry paper bag. His smile was present as you gently offered one in return too.

"Ready to go home?" Jim spoke sweetly.

Fallen Angel x Fem!Reader

Tw: childbirth, breast feeding

Your child barely cried when you brought him into the world, only letting out a yelp when he came out of your womb. He would be born with the same deep blue eyes and dark hair of his father, even as a newborn, your son was already showing signs of being a carbon copy of your husband. You stare at your son who suckles at your breast with greed, he starts to resemble his father in more ways than one. Absolutely none of your features passed down to your boy, it was almost as if you endured those nine months and the birthing for nothing. The father of your child lies next to you, satisfied that you and his child were in healthy condition. If there was the slight chance you had passed during the birthing, the whole world would be damned that not even his Father above the Heavens would be able to stop him. He shakes his head away from such thoughts, you were alive, that's all that mattered, and so was the baby that was proof of your love, the connection that you will share with him forever. The pregnancy was far from planned, but he quickly accepted it as it was a part of you. As you caress the plump of the cheek of your baby, the fallen angel presses a gentle kiss on your shoulder, his arm supporting your arm that was holding the feeding babe. Eons he spent self loathing, his past self would jeer at him for breeding with a human and producing a 'half-breed'

May everything else be damned, even himself, the only purpose he had in his eternal damnation was you, his beloved wife, and his child that he created with you. Nothing else matters.

#oops i read paradise lost while i was ovulating #also yes aneurin is the face claim for the baby daddy hehe #yandere x reader #reader insert #yandere #yandere male #yancore #yandere x you

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