and then life happens...

[plantifullisa]

Our eyes met and I instantly knew that the hiding had to end right there. I didn’t know how to risk another hello when the last goodbye took the ground beneath my feet. But I knew it was time. I walked over to you, my heart falling deeper into my chest with every step. Our hello carried so much pain, it made my mouth taste bitter. We fell into our arms and the sudden familiarity made us hold on a little longer then we anticipated. Before we started talking our eyes locked into one another and even though it must have just been a couple of seconds it felt like eternity. Your eyes screamed ‚I’m sorry‘ so loud, it drowned out the noises around me. 〰️ I expected you to hate me for all the pain I caused and I guess you expected the same from me. I felt both our hearts dropping heavy to the floor when we realized how happy we were to see each other. We were so relieved to find out we didn’t hold a grudge towards one another. We talked about our lives like we had never left it. Knowing every single detail. Two strangers carrying all of our secrets. Trying to sort out the mess we made in our lives. Being so sorry about everything that happened that an apology would never be enough. And then, right there in the midst of this cluttered christmas market surrounded by hundreds of noises- we finally made peace. There was so much more I wanted to say. And maybe one day I will. But for now, it has to be enough. Talking to you revealed so much about my healing journey, about what parts I thought had already healed and how wrong I was. It made me realize how easy it is to fall back into old thought structures and how much I still needed to learn about respecting my self. It made me see that we were never meant to last but we were meant to begin and that will always make me love you.🖤 #unexpectedjourney

[plantifullisa]

I just finished a crazy busy weekend, trying to combine working shifts every night with having a personal life and finding time for myself. There were times in my life where, if I had to scarifies one or the other, I would have cut down on my “me-time”. Always. I would put every persons needs on top of mine. If my boss wanted me to work extra hours I would always say yes. And if a friend wants to meet me for coffee because he or she needed to talk, I would be there. Those are all very noble actions, however not knowing when to stop can be a very health-sacrificing move. I can honestly say that learning to say no has been such a game changer in the relationship i have with myself. And let’s not forget that that’s the one you’ll have forever. 🍂 Sometimes a girl gotta hustle to achieve her dreams, I get that. But please don’t start neglecting your physical and mental health. Don’t cut back on sleep, don’t be too busy to prepare healthy food, don’t stop practicing yoga or whatever exercise you feel your body needs that day. Be mindful and let your body rest if it’s exhausted. If some things gotta go, they’ve gotta go. As simple as that. Don’t apologies for declining an offer. Your health ALWAYS comes first. For you cannot vibrate as your highest self if you do not give your soul enough energy to grow. #sundaynightvibes #learntosayno

[plantifullisa]

I talk a lot about self-love on this channel. And I want you to know that while I really do mean every word I say, I don’t have shit figured out. I still look in the mirror with disgust from time to time. Days where I avoid them altogether cause I can’t stand my reflection. I still find myself looking at photographs admiring everyones beauty but my own. I still struggle. All the time. 🖤 Of course it’s not nearly the same as it used to be. Of course I changed. The moments I punish myself with self loathing are fewer and fewer. Because I am aware of its superficiality. I know I am a freaking hypocrite for talking so poorly about a healthy body that always only kept me alive. So the reason I talk about self- love is because I need to hear it. I need to remind myself that I’m being a dumb moron if I do not appreciate every last cell of this glorious full functioning body. So in case you need to hear it as well: you are a beautiful being with a bad-ass body. Stop putting so much weight into it’s appearance. At the end of the day, it’s just a body. Who cares what its features are. Be fucking grateful to be alive. Not everyone has this privilege. #sitdownbehumble

[plantifullisa]

I remember creating her very vividly. I was seventeen. 10 years ago. At that point in my life I usually painted existing photographs and always used some sort of model. After having a really rough time at school, i came home one day, sat down and just started breathing life into her face. But this time, there was no reference image used, nor did I look for inspiration beforehand. She was just there, somewhere in the back of my mind. I finished this painting that day. I didn’t listen to music, I didn’t drink or eat or took a break. 5 hours. I poured. Time melted into nothingness as I found myself creating her in this trance- like state. I remember this painting arising and feeling so empowered. Creating something through my fingertips. Looking back at it now I find myself laughing at my blindness. How did I not see how special she was. That this birth wasn’t coincidental. The arms of the universe carrying her into my life. As if she has been resting there all along, patiently waiting for me to free her once I was still enough to listen to her whispers. Flowing her eternal wisdom through my body. 👁🌙👁 Year 2008. My passion for drawing disappeared and so did she. Buried in some basement for nobodies eyes to see. My old self always thought she wasn’t good enough. Funny, how it was really just a reflection of my own self- worth. Today, I finally freed her. For it was always her purpose to be seen. _____________________________________________ I always was and still am, very insecure about my art. Still, after so many words of encouragement from different angles in my life, I’m thinking about opening an etsy shop to sell some of my work. What do you guys think? Complete overreach or realistic option? #whowouldhavethought #myoldselfwouldbesoproud

[plantifullisa]

Some days I am pure bliss. My heart literally exploding in my chest. Some days I long for love so much, I look for it in the wrong places. Some days I want to save this world and every living creature that comes with it. Other days all I can do is watch it burn. Some days I want tequila shots and watch cat videos on youtube. Some days I don’t want to leave my bed, while other days I don’t even make it there. Some days are burned so deeply into my memories that I remember every little detail of it. Other days left my memory as soon as they were over. 🐛🦋 What I am trying to say here? I don’t really know. Just that we are human. We are multidimensional. We don’t fit in one box. We fit in thousands. Don’t judge someone by one day. One action. Actually, don’t judge at all. Cause that sucks. Like, a lot. Dissolve the bullshit walls we build around each other convincing us that we are all separated. Cause we’re not. Period. #alreadymissingsummer (hier: Vila Vita Pannonia)

[plantifullisa]

I saw you today. You didn’t look at me. But i know you knew i was there. You kept your gaze so locked to the ground, like you would explode if you looked up for just a tiny fraction of time. The last time i saw you was 3 years ago. The last time i talked to you almost 8. I wanted to stop and say something. But what does one say after all those years. ‚Hello‘ seemed far too little. It was wonderful to see you. And terrible. I saw wrinkles that weren’t there before and it ached in every part of my body. We missed so much. We lived, without each other. Hadn’t we made a promise to never leave? Loosing a friend is different to loosing a partner. And then again, its the same. Lost love. 🥀 I tried to catch a glimpse of every little detail of your face, because I know I will have to wait for the next time we bump into each other. I know you don’t want to see me. You don’t want to talk. I knew that from the day you decided to leave 8 years ago. Without a word. You disappeared and left a wound so big, its gaping darkness is still drenching my heart. As I’m writing these words i realize that your rejection all those years ago led my to believe that i was not worthy. It made me shrink my self- love to pieces. It made me seek conformation from all the wrong places and all the wrong people. You are not guilty of any of that. Its no ones fault. It is what needed to happen in order to form my present self. In order for me to have lived this life. And I am grateful for that. Still, I miss you. I miss us. I often imagine what my life would have looked like with you in it. Now we are just strangers with all those memories attached to our souls. I know you will never read these words. I´ve made peace with that. And one day I might actually mean it. #vielleichtimnächstenleben

[plantifullisa]

When I started my Instagram I didn’t think much of it to be honest. It made me change basically my entire lifestyle, but I never felt the need to have a big number of followers. I just wanted to connect to a couple of amazing people and find a platform for my messy thoughts. After a while that changed. I wanted more. I always thought that if I would EVER (literally thought it would never happen) get to 1000 followers, things would be different. That from that point on I wouldn’t have to stress so much about all of this. Now that I really did achieve that- guess what? NOTHING happened. Lately I see a lot of beautiful people out there struggling with the number of followers on their account. They see other accounts growing faster then theirs, having more engagement or simply already being more popular then theirs. I get that it´s easy to get lost in this lil fame whirl but let me get this straight- this shit doesn’t tell a THING about you. It doesn’t show how kind you were today or how much love you carry in your heart. It doesn’t tell how honest and raw your words are or how much effort you put into your caption or pictures. It just reads a number of people that happened to find themselves on your profile and clicked the follow button. I understand that it can be really daunting to rely on this for conformation. Trust me, I’ve been there and I still get carried away sometimes. But you know what really matters to me? People sending me messages, leaving beautiful comments saying that they connect with my words. That they finally feel understood. That i changed their day. Their perspective. That’s the shit that matters. Everything else will evolve naturally. Just don’t put too much weight on this stupid number. Be your amazing self and let the universe carry you. Because it will, always. 🖤 #chillthefuckout

[plantifullisa]

When I started my Instagram I didn’t think much of it to be honest. It made me change basically my entire lifestyle, but I never felt the need to have a big number of followers. I just wanted to connect to a couple of amazing people and find a platform for my messy thoughts. After a while that changed. I wanted more. I always thought that if I would EVER (literally thought it would never happen) get to 1000 followers, things would be different. That from that point on I wouldn’t have to stress so much about all of this. Now that I really did achieve that- guess what? NOTHING happened. Lately I see a lot of beautiful people out there struggling with the number of followers on their account. They see other accounts growing faster then theirs, having more engagement or simply already being more popular then theirs. I get that it´s easy to get lost in this lil fame whirl but let me get this straight- this shit doesn’t tell a THING about you. It doesn’t show how kind you were today or how much love you carry in your heart. It doesn’t tell how honest and raw your words are or how much effort you put into your caption or pictures. It just reads a number of people that happened to find themselves on your profile and clicked the follow button. I understand that it can be really daunting to rely on this for conformation. Trust me, I’ve been there and I still get carried away sometimes. But you know what really matters to me? People sending me messages, leaving beautiful comments saying that they connect with my words. That they finally feel understood. That i changed their day. Their perspective. That’s the shit that matters. Everything else will evolve naturally. Just don’t put too much weight on this stupid number. Be your amazing self and let the universe carry you. Because it will, always. 🖤 #chillthefuckout

[plantifullisa]

I have so many dreams. So many futures in my head. A thousand possibilities. And sometimes I want to accomplish them all at once. Right now. I get this splash of excitement rushing through my body, making me work the entire night towards my dream, only to wake up in the morning realizing that it hasn´t happened yet. And it probably won´t for a long time. Which always lets me fall into this dark self- doubt bubble. Making me question literally everything. 🌾 As if I could become great at something, overnight. As if anyone ever did that. Yet I expect myself to be some kind of freaking magician. I know you know what I´m talking about. 🌾 Let me give you a little reality check: it is not going to happen overnight. You will not reach your desired number of followers in one night. You will not drop two jeans sizes in one day. You will not master this pose in one yoga session. You will not get over him by tomorrow. 🌾 You need to just a grip. BE PATIENT. Be loving. I won´t happen overnight. Let´s be realistic here. But it will. You are going to try new ways and they are not going to work out. You are a human being. You are going to fail. But nothing great was ever accomplished without obstacles. Imagine. Create. Plan. Work hard. Don´t take the shortcut. Believe in your progress. And take a chill pill. #imliterallytalkingtomyself #excusethelanguage (hier: Moritzburg, Saxony)

[plantifullisa]

Last night I shared some impressions of my life. I´ve had a girls night out, had one too many drinks and a blast. Someone send me a message saying that they didn´t expect me to be that person, after seeing my mindful and thought through feed. I felt caught for a second, because I am dealing with this inner battle myself. I feel like my old superficial party girl is still clinging to my ego, while my newfound conscious being is trying to free myself from this mindset. ஓ I often feel the need to justify each of them in the other world. Finally having found a place where I could allow myself to grow and share my spiritual journey with likeminded souls, I always felt the need to hide the other part of myself. I was embarrassed. Just like in my other world, when people, friends, ask me about those “cheesy” words I post on Instagram. ஓ While I am not in the same mindset my old insecure self was in, I still enjoy parts of this life. I am both. I am a conscious caring soul who loves looking at the stars and pouring her heart out into everything around her. And I also like to have a glass of wine sometimes, dance my heart out and let go of all those intense feelings. Being mindless for a night. I don´t have to choose to be either or. I want to experience the whole spectrum of this human life. I want people to be more aware, to open their eyes. But in order to do that, I have to be there with them. I have to be present in different lifestyles to help them let go of their imagined separation. We need to spread the high vibes into the “real” world as well. So go out there, have some fun, have some wine and make new connections. ஓ We are all one. We are here to spread light into every corner, every environment, every soul. Being human is colorful, messy, wild. Embrace it. Don´t close yourself off to other lifestyles. Love life in all it´s forms. 👁⚡️👁 #spreadthevibes #growyourtribe

[plantifullisa]

We will carve our place into time and space We will find our way, or we'll make a way Find you're great, don't you hide your face Let it shine 🌺 So hey, we brought our drum and this is how we dance No mistakin', we make our breaks, if you don't like our 808s Then leave us alone, 'cause we don't need your policies We have no apologies for being 🌺 Find me where the wild things are - @alessiasmusic

[plantifullisa]

I always thought I was the problem. That is was me who simply couldn´t be around lots of people anymore. Me who rather wanted to be alone then surrounded by people. I would feel so vacuous after certain social events. Like my energy was sucked out of my body. A deflated balloon where my soul used to sit. ✨ Whenever I was spending time with my friends though, beautiful humans that turned my love into gold, I would feel warm. Energetic. Rejuvenated. I`m slowly learning to understand. To listen to myself. Reversing my view and looking deep within the corners of your soul. How do certain people make you feel? If the answer is anything less than good, you are not obligated to be around them. I will repeat: you are NOT compelled to spend your time with people who take your happiness away. Who dismiss your values. ✨ I want you to know something. Feeling extremely emotionally drained after a social situation isn’t normal. It is simply a sign of being surrounded by the wrong people. The wrong energy. ✨ Surround yourself with people who make your soul blossom. Who plant seeds in the never-ending garden of your heart. Find your own tribe. Let go of your imaginary social obligations. Be it a friend or a family member. Don´t ever forget: ❈ You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your being. ❈ You don’t owe anyone an apology for withdrawing yourself. ❈ You don’t owe anyone a yes to everything they say. ❈ You don't owe anyone at all. Be true to yourself. Do whatever feels good. Be free. Let go 💫 #buildyourowntribe (hier: Planet Earth)

[plantifullisa]

Do you ever have those moments where you ask yourself why you are there? Why you don’t get up and leave? I’m in my classroom and my professor talks about how to make leather production more effective. And I’m sitting here, not understanding when this world started to be so cruel. When did it become so standardized to talk about killing billions of animals to strip down their skin. How does no one notice how wrong this is? Or maybe they do but they live so deeply in their blinded suppression, that they don’t see. They don’t see how these concrete walls cushion their awareness. They don’t see their living, breathing bodies fearing death. They don’t see the blood on their hands. My heart is heavy this morning. I’m clinging to my hope for humanity to open their eyes with every cell of my body. To the hope that things will change one day. That we stop this cruelty. But as I’m sitting here with flowers in my chest watching everyone following the conformity of this brutal society, I wonder how long I can hold on. 🥀 #prayforhumanity

[plantifullisa]

Healing is messy. It´s lying in your bed, feeling numb because of all the pain in this world. It´s not being able to see any sort of answer. It´s drowning in your own destruction. Putting up walls as high as your ego. It´s the feeling of complete isolation. Not understanding why your existence even matters. Dark mist surrounding your every cell. ☾ It´s also being so happy that you think your chest explodes every second. Feeling grateful for every single heartbeat. The air in your lungs. Your family. Your friends. It´s feeling so overwhelmed by the beautiful life you get to call yours. Smiling for no reason. Letting your entire body bath in the warmth of your love. ☾ It´s black and white and a thousand shades of grey in between. It´s letting yourself feel the entire spectrum of emotions. And being okay with it. It´s understanding that you are not your emotions. Not your thoughts. Your soul bundles up behind all of those feelings. You are never angry, or sad, or happy. You just are. You are the ever- existing, ever- conscious awareness inside of you. You are in everything and everything is in you. A deep rooted connection between all matter of this universe. We are one. I love you. 💫 #letushealtogether

[plantifullisa]

When I was younger I loved big cities. I loved the all-consuming noises around me. Hundreds of thousands of people surrounding me. I never really understood the concept of taking a walk through nature. I remember being in New York the first time. I watched this fast pacing world with sparkling eyes knowing that one day my life would be just as exciting. Expensive cars, men in suits, fancy purses. Lonely eyes looking for something to connect with. I was one of them. ✨ Concrete, lights, high buildings, glass reflections of empty souls. Years passed and I found myself becoming overwhelmed with this flashing world. And boy, was I confused. I wanted this life so badly that once I started repelling it, I didn´t know who I was anymore. Instead of exploring these once so appealing cities, instead of going out with a huge group of friends, instead of blocking my thoughts with this ever-pretending luxuriancy, I started staying in. I started to long for the sound of stillness. All this noise out there was drowning my thoughts. I started seeking natures presence more and more. For the first time in my life I became aware of this vibrant energy surrounding me. I started noticing everything. The way the wind caresses the leaves of a tree. The sound of the river next to my apartment. I felt connected to everything. A new earth emerging at my fingertips. I had suppressed my own being for such a long time that once I started listening, I couldn´t stop. Once I started seeing the beauty in nature, opening up my soul to the warmth of mother earth, there was no way for me to go back to this concrete jungle. This future I once associated with is gone. There is never a specific time in your life when you return to yourself. But I did. ✨ I don´t know where this journey is taking me but I am finding my way through life´s twists and turns and messes. Thank you for being a part of this chaos 💛 #returningtonature (hier: Meißen, Nordrhein-Westfalen, Germany)

[aluracein]

“She saw a great wisdom, in the depths of eternity within herself.”

[plantifullisa]

"How could I explain to her what he and I had been to each other, the way I felt that no other person in the world had ever understood me like he did or ever would again?" 〰 After You. 📖🌴 #travel #travelcostarica #vegantravels #booksarelife #hammock #hippielife #reading #tanned #travelling #findbeautyinthemundane #jojomoyes #afteryou (hier: Bastimentos)