“Why do you need alters if you didn’t experience trauma?”
Ok um… a few things here… #1. Do not assume endogenic = no trauma. I assure you, my friends, I have had my fair share of traumatic incidents through childhood into adulthood. My headmates and I don’t always agree on what exactly they were… but that’s besides the point. #2. What in the actual flippy flapjack do you mean “need”? This phrasing bothers me so SO much. To me that is the equivalent of “Why do you need friends?”. Excuse you, but um, I don’t have friends just because I need them. Granted, I do need them, but that’s not why I have them. If that was the only reason well that’d be pretty scummy wouldn’t it? No, I have friends because I love them, they love me, and we enrich eachother’s lives. This is not a one way street you know. The only possible way you could justify this question is if you’re going to tell me that headmates aren’t on the same level as friends, as people with independent thoughts and wills. Which, is how it feels to me personally when I see people bashing endogenic systems. I am NOT going to claim that I know anything about how anyone else feels about their system or how they understand themselves to work, that’s not my business and it’s not what I’m here to say. What I am going to do though is tell how I personally feel about my headmates. I personally see my headmates as entirely separate people from me, the same way I see my outer world friends. So naturally they deserve to be treated just like I would treat any of those outer world friends. I don’t want any of my friends to stay with me if they feel like all I do is need things from them because that’s not how any relationship should work. The same with my headmates… of course, I’m not really sure if my headmates can ever really leave even if they wanted to, but even if they can’t I still don’t want them to exist solely for the purpose of needing them. I want to get to know them, make them as happy as possible because no matter what we are just like a family and I want to give them just as much as they give me. Now I realize not everyone feels this way, some systems feel that their headmates are a part of them of and in the end they’re all connected. That is 100% perfectly valid and fine too. I know most, if not all, still prefer to be treated like individuals though right? So they obviously still deserve the same respect as anyone else. So my main issue when someone asks a question like this is that I feel like they’re implying headmates aren’t good for anything other than what you need them for. It also feels like they’re saying headmates are just a terrible side effect and a pain to live with, which, I’m sure it’s not always super pleasant being in a trauma system, but I’m sure no one would say they hate their headmates right? (Well unless maybe you have the misfortune of having a not so nice one.) No one sees their headmates themselves as a disease right? Having headmates in itself is not a terrible tragic thing, only the horrible traumatic incident that brought them around is. Having a mental illness isn’t fun or something to love, headmates are, because they’re people too. #3. This isn’t to say I don’t need my headmates at all though, of course I need them! Like I said, we’re family, I love them, I need all my loved ones in my life. I also have some more exact reasons for needing them, and some of them do help me cope and function in parts of my life where I’d otherwise completely fall apart without their help. But buddy, pal, friend, I don’t owe you any of that information. I don’t need to prove or justify a darn tootalootin thing to you. - Sake (ok to reblog if you want to)
