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if i look back, i am lost

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Mike Driver

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@poly-wrath
just some lads, being fellows
listen I ended up regretting saying anything about this on my old blog because people will interpret literally any and every statement maliciously on this hellsite but I want to start like. a helpline for people who are like “hey I pretty much only read YA but I’m like 22 now and don’t relate to teenagers as much, it’s such a shame that there are no fun books written for adults :(” because boy HOWDY are there some fun books for adults
maybe I’ll start a big google doc or something one day but for now *deep breath*
The Beautiful Ones (Silvia Moreno-Garcia) - absolutely BUCKWILD romance with a dash of telekinesis; nonstop high society drama and misunderstanding from start to finish, happy ending guaranteed. STRONGLY recommend if you, like me, are a basic bitch who enjoys a bit of Pride and Prejudice.
Binti (Nnedi Okorafor) - a math prodigy runs away from Earth to become the first of her people to attend a prestigious university in space, but shit gets real when a crew of hostile jellyfish aliens attack her ship.
Chilling Effect (Valerie Valdes) - a spaceship captain and her crew take on a series of convoluted missions in order to rescue the captain’s sister, who’s been frozen and held for ransom.
The City of Brass (S.A. Chakraborty) - an 18th century conwoman and a mysterious djinn team up to go looking for a legendary hidden city.
The City We Became (N.K. Jemisin) - a scrappy bunch of Chosen Ones have to band together to defend New York City (which is very much alive) from a huge ass monster.
The Empress of Forever (Max Gladstone) - a lady supervillain gets blasted into space and meets an even bigger, planet-destroying evil space empress. literally WHAT is not to like?
The Empress of Salt and Fortune (Nghi Vo) - high fantasy royal drama about a woman making her way to power in the wake of a political marriage that left without friends or allies.
Escaping Exodus (Nicky Drayden) - a space-faring clan are creating their latest spaceship from the insides of a giant monster when absolutely everything goes to shit (as things are wont to do in science fiction stories).
Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars (Kai Cheng Thom) - a trans girl runs away to the big city, where she uses her martial arts skills to team up with other trans woman and form a vigilante gang to defend their own when police look the other way. a fascinating blend of poetry and prose and magical realism.
Finna (Nino Cipri) - two exes working at an IKEA have to team up to save a customer who disappeared through one of those interdimensional portals that all IKEAs have laying around. you know how it is.
Gideon the Ninth (Tamsyn Muir) - come on, you’ve heard about this one. it’s the one with the lesbian space necromancers? yeah, that’s the one. you got it.
In the Vanishers’ Palace (Aliette de Bodard) - a Beauty and the Beast retelling based in science fiction and Vietnamese fantasy, featuring a young woman falling in love with a “beast” who’s actually a motherly dragon after becoming a tutor to the dragon’s two powerful children.
Jade City (Fonda Lee) - urban fantasy gang wars, pitting one magically enhanced family against rivals and a new drug that lets anyone mimic their abilities.
The Library of the Unwritten (A.J. Hackwith) - hell’s librarian gets sent on a quest to find a runaway soul.
The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet (Becky Chambers) - aka one of my favorite books ever, essentially slice of life science fiction following an interspecies crew of deep space truckers making the longest and most complicated delivery of their lives. very warm and fuzzy.
Mort (Terry Pratchett) - one of many MANY Discworld books, but a very good one to start with, following the adventures of a boy named Mort after he’s taken on as Death’s apprentice. you know, like the Grim Reaper? that Death.
River of Teeth (Sarah Gailey) - historical AU in which the United States imported and domesticated hippos in the Mississippi River; follows a crew of hippo-riding crooks and hooligans as they plan one heck of a caper.
Space Opera (Catherynne Valente) - a washed up rock star and his old bandmate get roped into performing in an intergalactic singing competition that will determine the fate of the entire planet Earth. full of aliens, attempted assassination, art, and emotional turmoil.
This Is How You Lose the Time War (Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone) - time-travelling assassins from rival factions fall in love in a poetic and breathless story that spans centuries and reality.
Under the Pendulum Sun (Jeannette Ng) - fairyland is real, and Victorian England is sending missionaries. a woman and her brother attempt to bring the good word to the fair folk, but start to suspect the queen might just be screwing with their heads. PEAK gothic horror with a creepy fairy twist.
Witchmark (C.L. Polk) - a doctor and former soldier with magical powers of healing is trying to live a quiet life and avoid his controlling, aristocratic family’s plans for him, only to get tangled up in a massive political conspiracy when one of his patients mysterious dies. accompanying him in his investigation is a mysterious and gorgeous faerie man. romance ensues.
The First Sister by Linden A Lewis. Three protagonists and all of them queer, a fun space opera. It’s not out yet, but I can tell you it’s really, really good. I highly recommend
Gods of Jade and Shadow another Silvia Moreno-Garcia book. It takes place in 1920s Mexico and has Mayan gods. A fun breezy book.
Kill the Queen by Jennifer Estep. If you like YA fantasy but want a little more swearing, violence and sex then this novel is for you.
The Bridge Kingdom by Danielle Jensen. This one I really enjoyed. If you like the winner’s curse then you’ll like this book.
Books I haven’t read but I’ve heard good things about
Trouble the Saints by Alaya Dawn Johnson. This one isn’t out it but I believe it’s got a black protagonist.
Empire of Sand by Tasha Suri. An Indian inspired fantasy novel. I haven’t read this one but I’ve heard good things about it.
Rage of Dragons by Evan Winters. A black fantasy novel.
The Unspoken Name by AK Larkwood. I haven’t read it but I know it’s got a lesbian protagonist.
Song of Blood and Stone by L. Penelope. Just started this book but I believe it’s for adults.
Tiger’s Daughter by K Arsenault Rivera. Lesbian protagonists and it’s still on my tbr.
I absolutely double pinkie swear these are all just regular ass adult novels, adult publishing is fun and cool
The thing about Those White People Baby Names is the way they so poetically express the tension between individuality and rigid conformity. These parents all want to name their child something unique, because they value the concept of uniqueness, yet simultaneously they abhor it in practice… ergo, 30 different spelling variations on the most normative possible names. This homogeneity-masquerading-as-diversity is inseparable from capitalist consumer culture and in fact is directly analogous to the experience of walking into a grocery store and being asked to “choose” between 50 varieties of toothpaste with the same exact ingredients, 12 brands of laundry detergent, etc.
Somebody’s third eye is WIDE the fuck open??!!!!!!!
okay so there’s actually a reason behind this that isn’t just “white people are terrible and really really boring!” it’s to do with Mormon culture. specifically: the fireworks you get when sexist expectations and terrible petty drama collide.
most of Those White People Baby Names are originally Mormon baby names. they’re chosen (or invented) by women in Utah; they tend to filter out to the rest of the world through things like “mommy blogs” and “baby name books” and “parent forums.”
you know how every culture has a “hey, welcome to the world, lil baby!” ritual? the mormon version of that is called a baby blessing. the baby’s father, and a handful of other men in the family, go up in front of the congregation during a Sunday service and say a special prayer. it begins by reciting the baby’s full name and then saying “I give you a name and a blessing.” It’s not something you can avoid doing- if you try, people will think that you’re trying to hide something. baby blessings are mandatory, and everyone in the congregation will watch and judge you.
because of this, your baby’s name gets a good bit more of a spotlight in Mormon culture than it does in secular culture, and that’s saying something.
Mormon women start picking out names for their hypothetical future kids in fourth or fifth grade and snipe at each other for picking “weird” or “bad” ones. it’s something that’s supposed to be in the back of your head long before you have a kid. and because people will judge you if you pick a name that’s “too boring” or “too weird”, it is already an intricate dance of finding something that’s “interesting” enough to pass muster but not so “interesting” your kid won’t survive kindergarten.
and that dance becomes even more intricate when Baby Name Drama gets involved.
see, because you’re supposed to put so much time into your baby’s name, a lot of women get… overinvested, let us say. the perfect name they picked for their baby is THEIR baby’s name and NO ONE ELSE’S. if you so much as dare to BREATHE that you’re naming your baby/pet/favourite laptop the same thing, you have STOLEN their BABY’S NAME.
so here’s the thing… say you really wanted to name your daughter Amy. You love the name, it’s classic, it’s cute, it’s perfect for your little girl-to-be… and then your sister-in-law gets pregnant and LOUDLY ANNOUNCES that she’s naming her baby Amy! and you know for a fact that she’s the type of person to throw a massive petty shitfit over you STEALING her BABY’S NAME. your family will take sides. her family will take sides.
if you want to avoid the drama, and you’re dead-set on naming your daughter-to-be Amy… well, then you name your daughter Aimee, or Aimi, or Aimy. It’s not the same name, it’s pronounced the same but it’s not the exact same name, so you can shut up, sis-in-law.
from what I understand a lot of the Crazy Name Spellings came from this root- “it’s not Kaylee, it’s Kayleigh, I swear I didn’t steal your idea”- and then once it became a trend, people named their kids that to be ~trendy~ just like they did with every other stupid trend.
but the root cause of Terrible Trendy Misspelt Baby Names has very little to do with white people being boring and conformist, and certainly nothing to do with capitalism. it’s a good old fashioned case of a) sexist expectations warping women’s behaviour into really really stupid shapes and b) Petty Small Community Drama.
I think it is worth noting here as well that Mormon culture is hyper conformist. Like you think the rest of western capitalist culture is stiflingly conformist? You have seen nothing. There is a reason people frequently call Mormonism a cult, and having been raised Mormon myself I think it is an accurate assessment.
I mean to give you some idea, the male mormon ‘uniform’ for sunday worship is white button up shirt, two piece suit, conservative haircut, and a tie. Your allowed points of personal expression are the knot you chose to tie your tie in and the color of said tie. If you are in a casual mood, you might wear slacks - people will look down on you for doing so. And wearing a not white button up shirt? Say you are in a blue shirt mood? You might legitimately get pulled aside by your Bishop (think congregation leader, all congregations are led by a bishop) and told that doing so is bad behavior. I know this because it happened to my brother when he wore a light pink shirt one time. And our bishop was a relatively relaxed guy with that sort of thing.
It is bad enough that Mormon congregations have to be reminded on a regular basis not to look down on visitors and treat them poorly if they show up in clothes that don’t match the allowed conformist uniforms because they either don’t know or don’t understand the seriousness of the conformist rules in Mormon culture.
And more than this these social rules matter a lot in a society like that. So you break the two piece suit rule? A good portion of the most influential people in your life will think poorly of you and it will effect your life going forward.
With so few allowed outlets for personal expression they are warped to be of much greater importance than they would be in any sane society. This level of conformity fucks with your mind. It warps how you see the world and other people.
There is a whole culture of expression based on tie color and tie knots among mormon missionaries because that is basically the only thing they actually get to chose about their own appearance. I had a friend who used a quadruple windsor knot and it was like his signature thing. Other people could use a quadruple windsor, but Elder Bird, he was the quadruple windsor guy.
I was notable among missionaries because the way I tied my tie caused a small but consistent wrinkle just below the knot, which was notable enough that I got many complements on it and was asked how I achieved the effect multiple times. I was just being lazy and tying the easiest knot I knew, but in mormon missionary culture tie appearance is so significant that it became known as my unique style. I was also notable because I managed to get special permission to wear my hair neatly trimmed to a half inch long, which is extremely rare and generally not allowed among mormon missionaries. I was the only missionary out of over 200 in that specific missionary group that had special hair permission, and it was widely understood that this was sort of a reward for my generally exemplary missionary behavior.
Think about how fucking insane that is. I had to get special permission to wear a highly conservative hair style because it wasn’t conformist enough. I still have regular nightmares about how oppressive and stifling mormon culture is. Christ I am glad I got out.
Anyway, the point of all this is that naming your child is one of the biggest points of personal expression a mormon will ever have. This is why “stealing” the name is such a big deal - it is devaluing an important choice of self expression. This will cause big divides in your family. It is going to be a problem, and a problem that will last for years if not the rest of your lives.
So it isn’t white people capitalist conformity. It is religious cult like hyper conformity that gave rise to the trend of stupid name spellings.
Wtf it’s actually real n not photoshopped
Building my portfolio with a faux YA book cover! This book does not exist but I like to think if it did this would make you want to read it!
This was done in Greg Manchess + Scott Fischer's SmART School class, I wanted them to push me towards a more graphic look that I admire but have always been too timid to do, and I think they pushed me pretty dang well.
Queerpyracy Writing Masterpost
Original Fiction
The Resurrectionist | 6k | weird western | 1st person pov
A trans necromancer tries to escape from her past, only for it to come tracking her down in the form of a resurrected soldier with his own ghosts in tow.
They Shall Take Up Serpents | 6k | weird western | 1st person pov
An unnamed protagonist tracks down the mysterious faith healer responsible for her parents’ disappearance. Warning for implied cult dynamics and magical/spiritual parasitism.
Wolf's Price (ao3) | 127k | fantasy | multiple 1st person pov
The first draft of a fantasy novel with an intended sequel. The mistress of a war hero and his lover finds herself unwillingly at the center of a centuries old conflict between their two kingdoms, placed there by gods with their own agendas. As she is crushed between a past she is hiding from and an uncertain future, she begins to imagine the possibility of a land without kings.
Brother of the Moon (ao3) | 79k | fantasy | dual third person pov
A monk who serves as his lord's spiritual counselor has been charged with finding his lord a pious wife. Lady Margaret, eager to escape her father's household by any means necessary, is willing to fulfill that role. On the journey to meet her betrothed husband the two become entangled in an affair that will alter both their lives--and in particular, Lady Margaret is more than she seems.
Frankenstein
let them come and tear us free (we are bound eternally) | 19k creature/elizabeth and creature/elizabeth/victor multichapter, elizabeth pov. an AU where elizabeth is in ingolstadt with victor during the making of the creature.
from my clay to mould me | 2k victor/creature one shot, creature pov. an imagined meeting between victor & the creature before they reach the arctic.
the night that comes to hide | 2.6k victor/creature one shot, victor pov. set the night that victor destroys the creature’s companion.
we face the night | 40k creature/elizabeth multichapter, elizabeth pov. an alternate version of what happened after victor and elizabeth's wedding night.
it’s my birthday and that means you can read something i wrote and leave me a present (comment) or talk to me about any finished stories or wips/ocs i’ve talked about
Gosh this manga makes me remind me of my art education so much
I had a teacher at my art uni who was talking about how there are different types of unknowns - things that you’re aware of but don’t know, and things you don’t even know you don’t know
But being vaguely aware of something means you can always research it when you need it, or ask someone for help, so for an artist it’s useful to try to build up as much of mental library out of random bits of knowledge as you can
random first book package including beginning and finale
Nemo (1987) — pilot
[imdb | letterboxd]
Director: Dezaki Osamu
Studios: Telecom Animation Film & Tokyo Movie Shinsha (TMS)
John Edward Costigan - October (1957-58)
Hans Heyerdahl (1857-1913, Norwegian) ~ Den botferdige Magdalena, 1892
[Source: gwpa.no]
He added, after a pause: “Remember this, my friends: there are no such things as bad plants or bad men. There are only bad cultivators.”
Les Misérables, Volume I / Book V / Chapter III, trans. Hapgood
Forest scavenging haul
In how many languages can you count to ten?
Zero ( I am not judging, but I am Concerned)
1
2
3
4 (You go, Glen Coco!)
5
6
7
8
9+ (I bow to you, wise wizard)
Over the weekend, the evangelical Christian disclosed that her latest pregnancy ended in a D&C, which she and several media outlets framed a
People magazine and other outlets accepted Duggar’s framing of the experience as a “miscarriage”—which would be fine, except that an anti-abortion celebrity literally having an abortion is probably something that’s worth discussing honestly. It’s commendable that Duggar Seewald is sharing her experience of a procedural abortion. She rose to fame—along with her family—on the backs of reality shows promoting evangelical Christianity and its politics. Duggar Seewald’s story is proof that abortion treatment is needed and wanted by even the most anti-abortion among us.
This has not stopped anti-abortion groups from trying to distinguish miscarriage treatment from an abortion. An abortion is the act of ending a pregnancy, whether by medication or by procedure. An abortion is how a miscarriage is treated, to make sure a patient’s uterus is completely evacuated, that way no further complications (like sepsis!) ensue. Abortion is a medical treatment, and when you outlaw it, you threaten people’s lives.
testing some new brushes!