My Poly Adventure

Kel! 21, Cancer, INFP, Pagan, she/her pronouns! I recently discovered I’m poly, so this is just a little side blog to post things I find helpful to my journey!

[hannathenarc]

have some old meihem (and a....total meihem? meiham?) for a change :)

[rngrn]

[polyadvice]

Someone didn't want to date me polyamorously - is that polyphobia?

Been dating someone 3 years, I’m poly he’s not. Was seeing someone else for the past 9 months who knew I was poly and with someone from the start. We had a really good thing going but after like 7 months I tried to DTR and he told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Cut to now, he told me he’s seeing someone else and cannot keep seeing me anymore. And then told me it was because I’m poly and he doesn’t know how our relationship would work since I’m already in a relationship. My question is, is that like polyphobia??? Is polyphobia even a thing? I’m also bisexual and have been told people won’t date me for that and this seems like the exact same thing. But two of my monogamous friends are like “yeah but I see where he’s coming from I wouldn’t wanna date someone who was sleeping with/dating someone else either” and I’m like “??? bc ur brainwashed into thinking monogamy is natural and normal?!” I’m so frustrated and heartbroken. I didn’t choose to be poly.

Polyphobia certainly exists, but it’s not the same as an individual person deciding they don’t want to be in a polyamorous relationship. No one is obligated to date you, and if someone decides that they don’t want to date you, it doesn’t mean that you’re being oppressed or excluded or are the victim of a structural bias. It is fine for any individual person to choose not to be in a polyamorous relationship, even after trying it out for a bit. Not wanting to live in New York doesn’t make me city-phobic, not wanting to date a smoker doesn’t make me smoker-phobic. We’re all allowed our personal preferences.

Polyphobia looks like a multiparent family being turned down for adoption or a foster care placement. It looks like a system that only allows two partners to share marriage benefits. It looks like slut-shaming and cultural cruelty toward people who are in polyamorous relationships. The difference between someone not wanting to date a bisexual person and someone not wanting to date a person already in a polyamorous relationship is that your polyamory fundamentally changes the terms of the relationship he’d be in. It’s okay for him to decide he doesn’t want to date someone who’s also dating someone else. It’s not about who you are, it’s about what kind of relationship he wants to be in.

Whatever you believe about monogamy, it’s not cool to say that people with monogamous preferences or orientations are “brainwashed.” You yourself said that you “didn’t choose to be poly,” which indicates you subscribe to some flavor of the born-this-way narrative. That means you also need to make space for people who, either due to their choices or their innate characteristics, are monogamous.

It’s okay to be frustrated and heartbroken. Not getting to date someone who you really wanted to date, or having a relationship end that you were really enjoying - that’s painful! It sucks! But the fact that you are hurting doesn’t always mean you were wronged. It’s easy to direct anger toward the guy whose choices have hurt you, but he didn’t do anything wrong. He figured out what he wanted from a relationship and was clear with you about what he could and couldn’t continue to be in your life. Spend some quality time with your other partner, eat some comfort food, and grieve this instance of not getting what you want, without making anyone out to be the villain.

[polyamzeal]

[eternal-fractal]

POLYAM POSITIVITY HELL YEAH

[harvestspriteirl]

Wait are we allowed to use cheating memes to make polyam positivity posts now because if so I’m down to go off

[eternal-fractal]

YOU ARE MORE THAN REQUIRED TO

[tomanto-the-friendly-nb]

OK I’M GONNA GO AHEAD YALL

I MADE SUM

[polya-pocket]

"if he cheated before aren't you afraid he'll cheat on you too?"

I'm polyamorous, Karen, he can't cheat on me

[education]

Source: http://bit.ly/2N2Nqi4

[the-worm-man]

Poly rights

[spooky-catboy-angel]

finally, a bed big enough for me and my size 13 nikes

[polya-pocket]

I just want a girlfriend why are all these beautiful girls so straight

[j-j-j-jameshere-deactivated2019]

I’m James, I’m a trans guy (he/him)! Yay pride! @dateaboysuggestions @bittersweet-mermaid

[aestheticallypleasingrat-blog-d]

Happy pride month!!

[e-seal-deactivated20210319]

Okay idiots watch this *is bi*

[ladyloveandjustice]

Honestly, Bill, Ted and the princesses being a happy polyamorous foursome is just straight up canon.

[gawki]

‪VVVitches

🖤🖤🖤

[devilearper-deactivated20200604]

Gay guys are not here to be your gay best friend

Lesbians don’t exist to be fetishized

Bisexuals aren’t greedy, more likely to cheat, or confused

Transgender people don’t just want attention and it isn’t a phase

Asexuals are completely valid and should be 100% accepted in the lgbt+ community

Pansexual is not the same is bi, nor is it less valid

Demisexuality is not the same as being a “regular” person. It is a valid sexuality.

Non-Binary pronouns are not hard to respect

Polyam people are not gross or greedy, and deserve to be happy with their partner(s)

[bisexualdaffodil]

tbh bisexuality is just attraction to all genders because that’s how it’s historically always been, and bisexual people didn’t pick the term ‘bisexual’ themselves

[piranha-fenty]

What’s the difference between bisexual and pansexual?

[bisexualdaffodil]

They are pretty much interchangeable. Pansexual isn’t more inclusive than bisexual is.

[polya-pocket]

While I 100% agree that being pansexual isn’t innately being more inclusive than being bisexual, they are not interchangeable. (To write them off as the same exact thing is erasure.)

Pansexuality is attraction regardless of gender/sex. Pansexual people often refer to themselves as “genderblind” & follow philosophies that are basically “personality>what’s in your pants/how you present”. Pansexuality is often accompanied by demisexuality, which is sexual attraction only after a strong emotional bond has been formed.

Bisexuality is being attracted to two or more genders/sexes. While this may include “all” genders (like pansexuality) for certain people, some have preferences, & bisexual individuals don’t experience the same genderblindness that pansexuals do.

I feel like we begin calling bisexuality less inclusive when we forget that people are allowed to not be sexually/romantically interested in everyone & that people are allowed to have their own preferences. When a vast majority of people say they’re bisexual, it means that they’re attracted to men, women, trans men, trans women, nonbinary folk, etc., with maybe a few exceptions here & there (& before y’all get mad, maybe this bisexual person also identifies as gay & is into men, trans men, & nonbinary folks, BUT they wind up dating a nonbinary female presenting person. They don’t want their entire sexuality erased by heteronormative stigmas, so they say they’re bi—or heck, they even say they’re bi because it’s easier than listing every sexuality they’re into)

[sophie531896273240810891]

it makes me sad seeing bi girls on here coming to terms with the fact that theyre bi and then being like “i‘m not saying i have a voice in the lgbt community because i’ve only dated men, i know my opinions don’t matter because of that i know i’m not really part of the community” it makes my heart hurt. if you’re a bi woman and you’ve only ever dated men, you’re still part of the lgB!!!!!!!t community like that’s what the B stands for!!

[loveize]

The Breakfast Club - 1985

[that-one-nb-kid]

Make 20biteen your bitch by getting a girlfriend AND a boyfriend.