Dainty Dreams

Hi, call me Petal. If you need someone to talk to, I'm always here.  H: 5'5  SW: 105lbs  HW: 122lbs  CW: 118lbs  UGW: 90lbs  (I don't promote, this is a personal blog and a safe space for me. Please block if you find it harmful.)

[ponderingpetal]

Going on tumblr has become super distracting to me, so I’m gonna just log off and maybe come back in a few months. I wish you the best!

[ponderingpetal]

Today, I finally admitted to myself that I have an eating disorder.

I think.

Honestly, who even knows???

[rainyflowerist]

Be Happy when You are Sad

(In a list format because it is concise)

1. Doing something productive with no expectation

Sometimes, it’s really hard to be happy because there’s so much on your plate. Have you been dying to try out a new recipe (egg fried rice ‘mmm), clean your room, or even take a walk (pls be safe and wear a mask)? Do these things with no expectations to finish. Sometimes the end goal is all we can see and if we do not accomplish it, it feels like you are undermining your self worth but that’s not true! Take it one step at a time. Maybe you wanted to walk to the park (my park is closed ㅠㅠ), instead take a walk down your block and back. Don’t blame yourself for not having a larger limit. The best thing you can do for yourself is give yourself a big hug (metaphorically), not beat yourself up for not reaching the end goal. Great things take time, time which is different for everyone.

2. Take a shower, wash your face, have your favorite food (if you can)

Try and do the things you enjoy. If there’s nothing your particularly enjoy, sit down and have a chat with a loved one (could be friends or family). If you don’t have anyone to talk to, I find that writing really helps. Creating a world that’s different to mine and disappearing in it for awhile is refreshing and makes me feel grateful for what I have. If you don’t like to write, read. If you don’t like to read, take a nap (dreams are mini-stories that we often forget). If you don’t like napping (how?? haha jk), watch something nostalgic of a happier time and keep in mind you can reach that again, every time you open your phone, laptop, or hit play on the dvd, and hopefully in real life soon, too.

3. Be sad (wait.. what??)

Wallow in your own self pity in your room for awhile. Do not do anything stupid or dangerous. Just sob into your pillow about what could’ve been, what has been, and what you know will never come again. If you have lost someone recently... I’m so sorry. I get it, I really do. This may not help but I find it important to know these things:

-they wouldn’t want you to be so sad (I sound like a broken record huh)

-you can always see them, in your dreams, pictures, in the words they said that have stayed with you, in their favorite things. ( I see my grandma, in the jewelry I wear. My grandma never dressed up but always wore two gold bangles, and whenever I wear jewelry, I’m reminded by her ❤️)

-it’s easier said than done, but use this struggle to get stronger. Use their effect on your life as a way to grow into an even more amazing person. The greatest sign of a healthy, bright person, is their ability to use the downs to reach the ups. To take criticism and turn it into motivation. To love when it hurts and to take what they can get (obviously, don’t accept less than you deserve, but still manage to appreciate the little things).

Last but not least (basically a TL;DR)

Care for yourself. When you are hurt, don’t rub salt into your wounds. Treat it preciously and kindly. Disinfect it (ouch, might temporarily hurt, but no pain lasts forever. It’s best to get rid of the splinter in your wound instead of trying to hide it with gauze and concealed gasps of pain). Put on some ointment and wrap it with gauze. Make sure not to bump into anything and not let anything affect it until you’re ready to take off the gauze. Then, even when someone, something, anything, touches your scar, it no longer hurts.

“Thank you, for being by my side”

[ponderingpetal]

Falling Behind

I haven’t been keeping up with the three week challenge as I had hoped I would. I’m sure I would be fine with it if the workouts weren’t that hard, but I’m so not used to exercise, and I would feel better if I eased myself into it. Also I have to keep the volume all the way down so none of my family members ask what I’m up to, I can’t make any noise because I don’t want them to notice... it’s just really annoying, and not something I can expect myself to stick with. I’m going to focus mainly on diet, which I’m being a lot more strict with than usual, because I need to stop snacking, and eating out of habit or for comfort. It will be a difficult transition, but I know it will make me feel a lot better. I’m not going to exercise all that much, but I will be doing 15 minutes of stretching every morning and evening to improve my flexibility, 10 stomach vacuums to shrink my waist (I’ve been slacking on those as well, yikes), and 100 Russian twists every day to tone my obliques.

[glowingupjournal]

So i got into MBTI types lately, and i'm learning more about myself and i'm gaining new insights as to how i can use my type to be more confident, which is an important but overlooked part of glowing up!

The Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a personality test where you get your results in four letters:

1st letter is either E or I, extroversion or introversion.

2th etter is either S or N, sensing or iNtuition

3th letter is either F or T, feeling or thinking

And the 4th letter is either J or P, judging or perceiving.

So my type is INTP, the logician.

If you want to take the test yourself i recommend 16 Personalities!

[ponderingpetal]

I took this, it actually described me really well! My results are:

Personality type: “The Advocate” (INFJ-T) Individual traits: Introverted – 74%, Intuitive – 66%, Feeling – 68%, Judging – 56%, Turbulent – 83% Role: Diplomat Strategy: Constant Improvement

[ponderingpetal]

#4 - Drinking More Water

There are so many benefits to just drinking more water than usual, but I don’t drink nearly enough. I’m going to drink two bottles of water, as well as one cup every time I take my supplements. This will add up to about 110 ounces per day.

[ponderingpetal]

Selena and Laura run an online jewelry store called The Recycled Life, where they sell beautiful secondhand pieces found in flea markets, estate sales, and thrift shops. Every month they have a jewelry sale and I love going through all the listed items, finding my favorites. I haven’t bought anything from their store yet, because I would like to start up my own collection of secondhand jewelry (and also, I would probably get carried away and try to buy the entire store.) At some point, I would love to buy something from them. Here are just a few of my favorite pieces they put up for sale this month. It was so hard to choose!

[ponderingpetal]

Accountability Partner

I’m trying to find a new friend who can help keep me accountable with my weight loss. Please message me if you are a few of the following, let’s help each other out! <3

about 14 years old

female

want to lose weight

want to be healthy (physically/mentally)

struggle with confidence

has struggled with disordered eating in some way

want a friend to help you achieve goals

[ponderingpetal]

A Break from my Phone

In early March, I decided that I would take a break from my phone for about six months. It was SO distracting to me, especially because I’ve been going to online school for the past year. I could go on my phone whenever I wanted to! Now, I don’t use Snapchat or YouTube, which seemed to be the most distracting. I still use YouTube for my Chloe Ting challenge, and Google Hangouts and Gmail to talk with a few friends. I also go on Tumblr, but I’m still much more productive than I used to be.

I wish I could blog my own photos, like body checks, clothes, etc. I just don’t have a phone to take them with, and I don’t know if using my computer would be very convenient. I could try, though. Also, I do have a very nice camera, but my dad is always using it and I don’t want our photos to get all mixed up. And anyway, I need a lot of practice with the camera before I start posting the photos. At some point I’ll definitely post them.

[ponderingpetal]

Bailey 44 has such lovely designs that I can’t get enough of! I have one of their shirts that I’ve been waiting to wear for a while, and I’m looking forward to finding similar styles in thrift shops. I like how so many of their clothes are very simple, but have a small detail added to them that I think catch the eye in just the right way. For example, this plain black dress has an added slit and some little ruffles. On top of that, their materials are so soft and comfortable.

[ponderingpetal]

Lean Arms Challenge - Day One

I just completed the first day of the lean arms challenge! It was really difficult for me, especially because I haven’t been exercising regularly for months. I had to modify a bunch of the workouts (mostly ones with push-ups and jumping because they were the hardest for me). I usually replaced them with a plank, or a stretching position. It was still really hard, though. I started trembling after the first video, and I nearly fell a few times. But if I keep doing this, I’ll eventually get leaner, stronger, and more energetic. Can’t wait to see how I’m feeling three weeks from now!

[ponderingpetal]

Tomorrow, I’m starting Chloe Ting’s three-week workout program for lean arms. This doesn’t just focus on arms, though; it exercises the whole body. You can’t target fat-loss, so any exercise will end up burning fat if it uses up enough calories (but this can be stopped by certain health problems). Body-weight workouts that focus in on specific body parts will help to build muscle, making them appear more toned and lean. Muscle takes quite a long time to build, though, so I’m not expecting any visible growth. My main goal right now is to burn some fat, but I’m definitely going to build up muscle later on.

I’ll also be in a caloric deficit, eating low simple carbs, intermittent fasting, doing some easy stretching for 15 minutes twice a day, and doing ten stomach vacuums in the morning on an empty stomach.

I’m no professional, these are just a few things I’ve learned from the internet and from my doctors, and I’m going to keep them in mind throughout this program. Please let me know if you want to join me!

Starting Measurements:

bust- 33 inches

waist- 25.5 inches

hip- 37 inches

thigh- 22 inches

upper arm- 9 inches

weight- 120 pounds

[ponderingpetal]

#3 - Stress Eating

I’ve developed some borderline stress-eating habits over the past few months. It’s not taking a toll on my physical health, and it’s really nothing extreme, but that doesn’t mean I’m letting it continue. Most of the food I eat is already pretty healthy (no trans fat, no huge amounts of salt, few simple carbs, mainly organic fruits/veggies/nuts/lean protein, etc.) but I do tend to eat a lot more than I need, even when I’m already pretty full. The food I eat is already pretty low-calorie, and I think that’s the reason I haven’t gained a whole bunch of weight recently when these habits began. I keep thinking, though, if I continue these habits later on in my life with foods that are denser in calories, then I could really gain some weight that I just don’t want. I’m trying to gain more respect for my food. It’s here to nourish me, to make me grow and become healthier. It’s a precious resource that I’m so thankful to have access to, and it’s not something I should just throw around however I feel like.

Also, I need to have more respect for my body. When it tells me I’m not in need of food, I should not force feed it because it makes me feel better in the moment. There are plenty of other healthier things I could do to make myself happier, things that will be more beneficial in the long run. Not just instant gratification. Also, if the portion is too small, I’ll make it bigger. It really is possible for me to lose weight while being healthy and eating enough.

[ponderingpetal]

Body Standards

Everyone has different views on what is beautiful or not, what is attractive or not, what is acceptable or not, etc. Here is my take on it:

Try your best to be kind to yourself, to other people, and to the planet. Other than that, do whatever you want. If you’re doing your little part to make the world a better place, then what more can I possibly ask for? You really are beautiful on the inside, which is what actually matters to me!

Sure, I have my own preferences when it comes to outer appearance, but I refuse to let that impact how I truly feel about someone (including myself). I’ve felt jealousy and anger towards other people before because I wished that I had their skinny body, or their nice hair, or such a pretty face, or whatever it was. Now, I’m trying to teach myself that it’s okay to want something I don’t have, it’s okay to not be totally content with where I am right now. But that’s all on me. My own superficial, materialistic desires should never affect how I feel about someone else. In the end, looks don’t matter. They really don’t. They’re fun to play around with, they might make us feel more confident or comfortable or happy, and it’s our choice what we do with them...but we are MORE than skin deep. We can make the world a better place, regardless of how we look.

[ponderingpetal]

Derma E Skincare

The Derma E skin products have helped my skin a lot! It’s known for being a clean beauty brand, and they have options for all different skin types. The products can be kind of pricey, but they’re pretty high quality, so if clear skin is something you prioritize I would definitely recommend checking this out. I have normal skin that gets pretty dry during colder months, and I also develop whiteheads and blackheads. I like using their Sensitive Skin Cleanser, Essentials Radiance Toner, Ultra Hydrating Serum, Firming DMAE Eye Lift, Hydrating Day Cream, and Essentials Overnight Peel.

[ponderingpetal]

#2 - Stomach Vacuums

I’ve seen people online doing stomach vacuums to shrink their waist, and now I’m going to try them out myself. It’s a simple exercise, but also pretty hard. To do the basic standing version of a stomach vacuum, stand with your back straight and feet shoulder-width apart. Breathe in as deeply as you can, then breathe out for as long as possible. While you breathe out, suck in your stomach very tightly, as if you were pulling your belly button in towards your spine. Hold this for as long as you can (beginners apparently can stand about 5-10 seconds). You can repeat this several times. I’m going to shoot for 10 repetitions, with small breaks in between when I need them. I’ll update the results in four weeks, but they might not be based on these exercises alone because I might try to lose weight on a calorie deficit as well.

[ponderingpetal]

#1 - Intermittent Fasting

I’m going to make intermittent fasting a new healthy habit for myself! I’ll be eating lunch at noon, and dinner at 5 pm. Of course, I’m no doctor, but from what I’ve seen and heard, it’s going to be very beneficial for my weight loss and overall health. Apparently the body will get a rest from digesting food, sending it into fat-burning mode for a little while every day. If you want to try this, please do your own research, because fasting is not a safe choice for everyone (including those who have certain physical health problems, are pregnant, or have a history of disordered eating.) This will probably work for me. Stay safe, and find what works for you!